Ran into my ex (1 Viewer)

Joined
May 30, 2018
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98
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I saw one of my ex girlfriends, and it really made me think...

She looked horrible, she was strung out on drugs, toothless, and psychologically had not changed since she was 19.

I was on the streets when I was young, but after running into her, and having her take me on a little tour of her life, all the fond nostalgia that I used to attach to those memories had turned into the cold realization that there is nothing romantic about the streets, saying you are "old school" shouldn't be something to be proud of...

Plus she is all obsessed with "outlaws" and criminal culture...which I have never understood. She looks up to misery...

How can someone be proud of living as a bum their whole life?
 
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OP
LysergicAbreaction
Joined
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I don't mean to criticize anyone's preferences, it just really seemed depressing to me.

I have to see the worst of people every day.

Imagine doing your best, never bothering or hurting anybody, and still having people treat you like you are the most horrible scum to walk the earth.

Beachbum86 from hip forums made it pretty clear that I am a horrible human who doesn't deserve to live on this planet, so when I take that shot, and my skull explodes upon the bullets impact, all of you can thank beachbum86 from hip forums.
 
OP
LysergicAbreaction
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My heads all fucked up...

I have terrible PTSDband bipolar and a group of people intentionally like to throw me into episodes, I guess my suffering is their entertainment...

I've told them again and again that one of these times I am going to hurt myself or someone else, but they won't stop...
 
OP
LysergicAbreaction
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Hip forums is the worst, they let beachbum86 talk shit, brining up personal things from real life, and let beachbum86 intentionally send me into a PTSD/bipolar episode, then when I explain how one of their members is making someone with mental issues suicidal they decide to erase all of my content and pretend that they didn't facilitate and allow it in the first place.

....people have been charged after the fact for goating people into killing themselves, and I know that a website that facilitated this would also be liable

A lot of you want me to die, and having been spreading slander and lies for years, and I'm done with it.

Heres to your fuck you scum
 
OP
LysergicAbreaction
Joined
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Denver
Beachbum86 really hurt me.

I mean, all of those people fuck me with until I'm in tears on a daily basis...

All I ever wanted was to be nice to these people and to be their friends. Well, if watching me suffer makes then happy, then I'm glad I can at least do that much for them, I never wanted anything but for them to be happy.

I just swallowed a massive bag of psychedelic amphetamine pills and I made my friend go home and skipped out on the party. She doesn't know I ate a few hundred dollars worth of pills, but I'm sure see will figure it out by morning.

I don't think ill die, I was hoping for permanent HPPD, or maybe a vegetable state, even if I end up in the Looney bin I'm fine with that.

I told her that I was sorry did whatever I did and that I would do whatever it takes to make it up to her, and she was pretty clear that she wanted me dead... she could be comfortable with destroying my life and pushing me over the edge, but not ever just telling me the truth. People will kill you before they are honest with you...

My ex tried to murder my dog and schemed to have me jumped and raped, spread lied go everyone who would listen and said whatever horrible piece of slander she had to to make everybody hate me, doesn't matter what I did...

I feel fuckinwg dizzy...I think I'm going to vomit...
 

FenrirFox

I'm a d-bag and got banned.
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Just stop being friends with her then.

You can go to a mental hospital right now if you really want to by telling an official that you tried to OD.
 
OP
LysergicAbreaction
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Eloise would go ape shit crazy and go in an insult tantrum every time I would talk about this girl I had a crush on. I mean, that girl was never nice to me, she used to stalk me on the bus so she could talk shit about me with her friends, every day she would find something new to make fun of me about. Bit honestly I could see deep down that she bad a good heart beneath all the hurtful things she was doing to me. Now, she had been following me around for a while, and would read what I posted online. So I would post about how I thought she was a beautiful person with a good heart and soul, I would tell her that I really liked her, and that I would be willing to do anything to have a chance with her.

It doesn't matter though...

I lost my train of thought and it's getting harder to type, my vision is all ducked up...

I feel.really ducking strange...

This is collectively dying...
 

FenrirFox

I'm a d-bag and got banned.
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Don't try to appease your stalker. You are just feeding into them.

You're fine bro.
 

Coywolf

Mastering the Art of Houselessness
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@LysergicAbreaction

First off: stop going to hip forums. Completely remove yourself from that website.

Secondly: The guy from there sounds like a fucking troll, trolls are trolls, theRE is NO REASON to let their bullshit, probably targeted negativity, affect you. Block it out. Next time you think about it, distract yourself from that path of thought, sometimes I just think the word "black" over, and over, and over again until my mental state clears and all I can think about is a black slate mental image.

Third: you are making yourself out to be more of a victim to depression by perpetuating these thoughts that you are worthless, and by thinking that the loss of a potential relationship is worth ending your life over.

Fourth: doing more psychedelic drugs is NOT going to help you, believe me, I tried that once....

Fifth: I'm not sure if you are of sound mind as you write this. If you are sober, you may need professional psychological assistance. Suicide may seem like a good idea at the time, but EVERY, EVERY single jumper of the Golden Gate Bridge in SF that survived, said they regretted the decision to jump IMMEDIATELY after they made it.

You matter. It will get better. And, if it doesnt, try your damndest to find happiness wherever you can.
 

saul

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Mar 1, 2018
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20
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Fortuna
Sorry if I misspell certain words Spanish is my first language and hey I can relate to this I saw my x girlfriend for the first time in a year about a week ago when I met her I was 17 and running from a warrant her brother and her where staying at a punk house in sanfrancisco and took me in she used to barley smoke weed when I met her I ended up getting kicked out cause I was eating food that wasn't mine and had gotten oogle drunk one night and she didn't want to leave me so we ended up travelling down the West coast till I got arrested about five months later I did almost a year and im ninteen now she hit me up on Facebook and I went to go see her she smokes crack now i ended up buying her some heroin which was stupid of me I saw her today ago at a punk show we danced and it was cool I always feel kinda of sad when I see her cause I was a really bad influence twords her and she's currently homeless shes also into the whole outlaw thing I got to say if it wasn't for her I'd probably be in jail or still running I myself hated that shit being homeless and wanted by the cops but I was young full of ptsd i didn't know better so I try not to be to hard on myself In my opinion you should ask her if she needs some help
 

saul

Newbie
Joined
Mar 1, 2018
Messages
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Fortuna
Honestly I got alot of ptsd and have psychotic episodes all the time but I still manage to get around I don't tend to tell anyone that I do unless I know they won't use it against me normies and yuppies tend to judge really quick and it scares me the thought that I'll end up in some fucked up mental hospital after telling someone my thoughts cause there pretty fucked up
 

balaperdida

Lurker
Joined
Aug 3, 2018
Messages
18
Hometown
Chiang Mai
Hip forums is the worst, they let beachbum86 talk shit, brining up personal things from real life, and let beachbum86 intentionally send me into a PTSD/bipolar episode, then when I explain how one of their members is making someone with mental issues suicidal they decide to erase all of my content and pretend that they didn't facilitate and allow it in the first place.

....people have been charged after the fact for goating people into killing themselves, and I know that a website that facilitated this would also be liable

A lot of you want me to die, and having been spreading slander and lies for years, and I'm done with it.

Heres to your fuck you scum
'If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.' Its up to you whether or not you want beachbum86s jive to have the effect it does on you. Why let some scumfuck on the internet have this kind of power over you?
 

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