Polyamory Anyone?

[Spirit Freeman]

So what is people's views on polyamory?

 

[Coywolf]

I can barely hang on to one woman, let alone a few. I'm still kinda old fashioned, I'd love one kick ass girl to hang around with.

 

[Deleted member 125]

just find a conjoined twin. Twice the fun, less hassle

you sound a bit familiar. and with a join date to match.

 

[Cornelius Vango]

I could write a whole article on this topic. Suffice it to say, it doesn't mean collecting partners and sexual experiences without caring about how other people feel about it. Being polyamorous takes a lot of maintenance but it also means being happy for others even if they aren't being happy with you.

But beware of sociopaths, as with any relationship model.

 

[PatchTwist]

If the relationship is actually polyamorous instead of someone using manipulation to get away with cheating, cool.
For some, it works. For some, it doesn't. It just depends on the individuals involved. My mother has been in a polyamorous relationship for many years and is accepted by the children as a mother. I have several friends who are also in such relationships and are thriving and healthy. However, I have also seen (and was nearly apart of) the above-mentioned "poly" *cough-cheating-cough* that is nothing more than mental and emotional abuse.
I could go on and on about poly, but I'll just stick with this.

 

[rusty]

Clear, open and honest comminication. Being able to manage and organize your time with your partners well is a must and effects everyone involved. The lessons i learn through polyamory are applicable to monogamy as well. If anyones interested i highly recommend reading the ethical slut. If i remember correctly you can download here @ stp

 

[dodi]

@rusty Yop, you can, I downloaded it like four days ago.

Yeah, I think polyamory is a great challenge, if you want to get into it, since maintaining a healthy set of relationships should be a hell of work. I quite like the idea that I would make you more responsible though, of yourself and others, and would need you to know and assert yourself really clearly. What I mean is, since there is no such a clear path or role-model in society of how to handle polyamory relationship, well it would take a lot of conscious drawing of your own path, without being able to rely so much on what others have done...

 

[Notmyname]

Poly is too complicated for me personally. The one attempt that was almost close just devolved

 

[Deleted member 17306]

Philosophically, I agree with polyamory. It seems to foster benevolence more than monogamy does.. at least when it's done right. When you love someone, you want the best for them, right? So the idea that because I love you, you're never allowed to experience another person on a deeper level is silly. Everyone has something unique to offer.. why not let them give what they can?

Too often, polyamory is based around sex, which isn't the point. It's about love- thus amor.

However, as I get older.. There's things about monogamy that are becoming more appealing. It's nice to focus on one person and have that returned. We all like to feel special and valued and sometimes that gets lost in poly.. although in an ideal poly arrangement everyone feels that way.

I've been struggling with this for a number of years now. I used to be poly and in a lot of ways it makes more sense than monogamy.. but that biological clock thing is kicking in and a family would be cool too.

Sorry that this hasn't said anything helpful lol

 

[beersalt]

Polyamory seriously peaked my interest for the first time about two years ago. I found that serial monogamy was way too common, and those that practiced it were very much apposed to alternative types of relationships- aside from their one partner, at the time.
So, I decided I wanted to give it a shot. Monogamy never seemed to work too well, personally. Nor did any other monogamous model from the people around me seem very "successful" in my eyes..

Expectations hurt. And expecting a person to never, EVER change the way they felt about you romantically after years just didn't seem realistic to me.
Ya know.. Maybe 1 couple in a slew of 100, or something.

I've had a total of two partners at one time. They both knew about each other, and I loved them.. Though, I found I still had preference between the two. I was using one partner to fill my voids of the other, but still yearned more heavily toward one on a long term level.

When I hit the road, I needed distance from everything familiar. I told them I was going to be out of touch for a long while.. Let's all just, move on- kinda thing.

Now I find myself in love with a different person. And I still never want to denounce their freedom of sexual expression, or want, or experience- because people are fucking beautiful.
But when it comes down to it, even having an open relationship, let alone a poly relationship on the road seems almost impossible for me.. When it comes to splitting up time with certain partners, allotted time frames, fairness, and lack of jealousy.

Like, fuck. What if your partner is your road dog. If they want to see their other partner, they just leave you on the streets alone, have a jolly good time, and then return back when you really never wanted them to leave in the first place. I understand the whole, wanting your partner to be happy. But with what expense? Me biting my tongue, and trying to not feel sad? On the road, the stakes seem higher... Everything is less convenient.

So, when it comes to Polyamory.. I want to know the ways to untangle balance of one partner having partner(s), and the other having only one. I've gotten certain answers in regard to this being the placement of "primary" , and "secondary" partners. But that still just seems like some bullshit preference to me.

 

[Cornelius Vango]

I've learned to really love my solitude when my partners go off galavanting about with their other interests and partners. Traveling and hooking up freely is the fucking bees knees and orgies are fabulous. Some people never get past holding hands or casual dating and it's beautiful to be able to experience different degrees of platonic and sexual love.

It really just takes conquering that inclination to become jealous and feel threatened. It's not easy and some people never get past that unsettling feeling but if you can, it's true freedom to just enjoy yourself and others simply and respectfully.

 

[Hillbilly Castro]

Like, fuck. What if your partner is your road dog. If they want to see their other partner, they just leave you on the streets alone, have a jolly good time, and then return back when you really never wanted them to leave in the first place. I understand the whole, wanting your partner to be happy. But with what expense? Me biting my tongue, and trying to not feel sad? On the road, the stakes seem higher... Everything is less convenient.

Yeah, this can be tough. There are different styles of road-dogging, though. I definitely think, from my experience, that 24/7 traveling-and-always-being-together road dogging is, when combined with love, a powder keg. It's blown up on me hardcore at least once. If you're in love with or fucking around with your road dog, those high stakes seem to point toward a style of travel that consists of having lots of breaks. Splitting for a week here and there, and not only to go and see other partners - just for the sake of solitude, exploration, and sanity. Once that's routine, if one of you heads off and sees another lover, it just fits into a structure that was already there.

The other big thing is, is everyone you're interested in self-sufficient? If they're reliant on me, as in, they'd be totally fucked without me because they don't know what they're doing, I can't hang. If the person I'm with isn't cool to dip out for a week, even for a few months, it's probably not gonna work. I don't even "date" people - I have people who if I'm geographically close to, I hit them up, and we run together for a day/week/month or more depending. For me, if I love you, you'll be in my life until you want out or until you seriously fuck me over, so being away from each other for a few months at a time is not a long time.

idk how much of that makes sense, just sharing my thoughts on the matter.

 

[Rob Nothing]

Call me prudish or old fashioned but Im a little bit particular about sexual partners and picky overall about what kind of people are even friend material. Let alone anyone I could ever
manage to be passionate / fond of.

At the same time I think sex is extremely therapeutic and marriage overrated. But Polyamory presupposes the existence of love.. sex =/= love. Therefore Id lump it in with the rest of all the overzelous neologisms and supra gender gibberish. So you wanna fuck yer dog, eh? well dont do it in front of me is all I ask.

 

[LeeenPocket]

Like, fuck. What if your partner is your road dog.

Jake and I spend every. second. together. And for the most part we enjoy each other's company and we tend to keep to ourselves and not meet new people when we aren't in a slab city-like environment. So can we even consider ourselves poly anymore or are we just in an "open-relationship" just for sheer lack of opportunity (or motivation...like I said...we're plenty content with each other's company)? Finding someone on the road to fuck that's not each other is few and far between (unless you find some fuckboi's on tinder). And even when you do find someone to fuck, it doesn't usually progress past that because we move along. And yeah, when you want to go be with someone else, the other is left to occupy themselves with something else. And that can be fucking lonely if your partner is your road dog and they don't have anyone else for company. And the fact that your partner is off somewhere being lonely is, distracting to say the VERY least. I hate the thought of having a "primary" because that's shitty and not really healthy polyamory in my opinion because it implies a favorite. But it just kinda....happened. If we were traveling with the right person I could see a healthy, traveling polyamorous relationship as a possibility. But we aren't. So I kinda just feel like Ludacris with hoes in different area codes.

 

[Lara K]

I felt elated to read above answers, they do make a point but really don't see this go mainstream any time soon.

It's funny how most couples don’t want to think about divorce at the altar. Newly weds think they are different and special, and that divorce will never happen to them. While, in fact, the rates of divorce still hover at about fifty percent of all married couples.
So these marriages may appear monogamous on the surface, but have secret affairs. I am not just talking about western countries but in general, which includes India and other asian countries where monogamy's prevalent. With the ease of access to online cheating and with smart phones in hand, this is the first time in history where couples can cheat on their partner lying in bed next to them!

I feel, the tolerance level is pretty low. Laws are okay with bisexuals, transexuals and babes born out of wedlock or without cleanr gender identity. its foreseeable how couples will include open marriages with sexual agreements, polyamory will be more common and perhaps even be visited in the legal system. But this isn't anything new. 12th- 18th century India comprised poly marriages, a king and his many wives or a queen and her many husbands. These relationships allowed king's to absorb financial status, land, assets of his new queen. British Colonization abandoned all this. Polyamory worked well back then, as it is now in some Arab countries... but the real question is, are you wanting peace or be drifted in hedonist pleasures?