On-ramp Responses: a Smartass's Guide

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The one finger raise. Or the point as in only a little ways, incremental finger spacing. Though we all know just a ride off a shitty entrance can be nice. I got a peace sign this spring in central Oregon as these wannabes drove by. Fuck your peace sign. But it is better than a finger. I've never had shit thrown at me either yet, just a few times stupid comments.
 

Eng JR Lupo RV323

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only a little ways, incremental finger spacing

It's probably inappropriate but when it's some old hoity-toity lookin lady givin me the incremental finger spacing of the average inch or so they usually go with, I hold my thumb and finger up the same way and then extend it from the inch they're showing me out to about 4 inches as if to say "Nuh-uh, it's at least this big, lady!" while also leaving them questioning double entendres like "Did he mean that, or that the distance he's aiming to travel is much more?". Got a few big laughs from doing that. Haven't gotten any rides yet that way but laughs are alright with me.
 

Coywolf

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It's probably inappropriate but when it's some old hoity-toity lookin lady givin me the incremental finger spacing of the average inch or so they usually go with, I hold my thumb and finger up the same way and then extend it from the inch they're showing me out to about 4 inches as if to say "Nuh-uh, it's at least this big, lady!" while also leaving them questioning double entendres like "Did he mean that, or that the distance he's aiming to travel is much more?". Got a few big laughs from doing that. Haven't gotten any rides yet that way but laughs are alright with me.

Lmfao!

Wut.

I hope you don't mind if I steal that one.
 

RoadFlower33

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The drunk redneck:

Upon seeing you standing/walkngdoown the road, he greets you with a murderous smiles, a swerve in your direction, a giant cloud of black diesel smoke, or a full beer thrown at deadly speed out of a moving vehicle.
I once had a guy almost go in the ditch comin at me one time
 

RoadFlower33

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the "Drive-by shouting"

Its an on-ramp, maybe a walkable US route, or any fuckin road. The point is, you're hitchin and while the traffic passes you by there's one person, driving their shitty car, that's either having a shitty day or is just shitty in general. They're mad, then they see u: you're an instant target cause hay, what better way to let off steam then to scream obscene words at a homeless person trying to get a ride, right? Their window goes down, you see it happen and think "hey what could this be? a ride? random kickdown?" NOPE. All you get is a mouth full of "FUCK YOU YA HOMELESS PIECE OF SHIT GET A JOB EAT A DICK GO DIE . . . !" etc etc.

A funny real life example is as follows: A traveler i know was hitching with a sign that said "What Would Jesus Do?" Some shitty old bag drove by and said "HE'D WALK, ASSHOLE!"
this shit happens in Idaho far to often... iv heard people brag even and tel jokes about the act. idaclosed
 

Whereamiwhatdoido

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Brilliant thread! Got me reliving so many encounters on the on-ramp :D

The "Did I forget something"
Upon seeing you, they look at their empty passenger seat as if they've forgotten why they've even got more than one seat in their car. They never meet your eyes.

The "Sorry, not sorry"
You're on the off ramp, see a patched up piece of older automobile, think "hell yeah, these guys wont mind me in their old car" as they're approaching they study you real good, slowing down and really looking you deep in the eyes as they just keep on rolling and leave you there like what::bored::

"I have space, I'm going your direction for atleast a hundred miles"
But you see, there's a car 600 feet behind me, and if I pull over to stop he will see me picking up a stranger, on the highway! Nope just gonna leave him there.

Uh this is one of my least favorite:
"I'mma hit you"
Usually two or three blokes in a semi-stylish car with some skirts and a blasting stereo, approching you on that ramp and as they come closer they rapidly accelerate and aim you there in the emergency lane. Then break away in the last second all of them laughing and mocking the sight of a frightened puppy they just threathened to massacre..

In France
Here you are, kinda stuck in a bad spot..
""That dude needs a lift!" guy"
A guy comes around a corner, probably a little too fast but as immediatly as he spots you just clamp the brakes and heads for the curb. Very interesting as these guys picks you up and are super helpful and will go miles off their way to get you in a good spot, will hand you cash and cigarettes and maybe even invite you for a reststop dinner and coffee!
 
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Astro

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Crazy Conservative Christian
Usually in the midwest, but not limited to. Picks you up but claims that "don't really ever pick up hitchhikers, but you seemed ok you needed help." Offers you salvation through Jesus. Has homophobic air of tension in the car, though appears to be closeted themself. Speaks the word of the bible as historically accurate account. Offers you a bible before they drop you off.

The Active Traveler
Drives a van with a a bed, full kitchen, storage shelves, altar, mountain bike, climbing gear, etc. Has a better backpack than you. Seems to have never needed to spange, may be a trustie. Either vegan or claims to be "considering reducing their meat consumption." Offers to bring you to a "sweet spot to camp and go on a hike."
 
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croc

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"The Dude Who Wishes He Didn't Jizz in His Lady Partner Because Now His Life Is Stationary And Boring As Fuck"
you're standing there with ur thumb out, guy in a truck/svu/the like pulls over to ask "where ya headed?" so u tell him and he sits there for a second, weighing the pros and cons of driving u, getting some extra time out of the house, getting to either talk your ear off about how he wishes he did this with his life or pick every inch of your brain at the expense of pissing off baby mama waiting at home.
he'll usually opt for giving u a ride and telling u how jealous he is that you're free and he's stuck. or he'll waste your time by having this whole conversation with u on the side of the road when u could be trying to get a real ride. then kicks down like a handful of weed his gf doesn't know that he sells or something.

i've hitched pretty little compared to seasoned travelers and i've met this guy easily 6 times by now
 
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Ezra Fyre

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Reversing the idea, slightly...

Once upon a time rushing home from work, crusty waving cardboard ahead on my right... Can't give them a lift, had something scheduled after work, I'm already running late for... But, i do have something I can give!
Im easing my way towards the shoulder as the light up the street goes yellow... Too far back to get card-board's attention, but I roll my window down and ready my gifts... Just jn time for the light to go green & traffic to take off like stock car races... Trying to be slow without getting myself hit by the other "rushing homes" - thus still driving too fast I'm afraid. I swerve right as I'm passing cardboard - nearly so far as to lose my position in traffic & give my best toss out my window, zooming by.

Poor cardboard initially misinterpreted my generous act :( Evident by the FUCK YOU! hollered and the small curbside rock hurled after my departing car.

In my carefully watched rearview mirror though, I witnessed the change of heart - cardboard's now Jumping of joy & greatfull waving ensued... my gifts clutched tight to chest by one arm.

I'd thrown like 8 of the largest packages, unopened, of Oberto beef jerky. :-D

... it just took them a second to realize i wasn't being a dick and actually look at what i threw. :)
 

Thomas Walker

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A while back I met up with a guy here in my home town. The next day I was lugging my little sister around the city and saw this guy at the on-ramp with his thumb out. I really couldn't pick him up because my sister would question why I knew so much about this guy already, so I had to resort to just waving a friendly hello while she wasn't looking. The guy didn't recognize me to my knowledge, and was probably thinking "Who's this dipshit just waving at me?" Yeah, I feel a bit bad about that one.
 

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