on open/closed relationships (1 Viewer)

plagueship

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Mar 13, 2011
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258
Hometown
the desert
what do you think of this? i have often recommend this to people who ask me about non-monogamy because it comes closer than anything else i've read to reflecting my own opinions on the subject. don't worry about the political parts, that's not really the point.

http://theanarchistlibrary.org/HTML/Mae_Bee__A_Green_Anarchist_Project_on_Freedom_and_Love.html

i have to say it's really different to understand or be into something intellectually and to be ready for it emotionally (this goes for relationships of any kind with any number of people). a difficult but worthy road.
 
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scales

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Joined
Feb 15, 2012
Messages
49
Age
31
Hometown
Escondido
aim kinda clingy so i don't think i can be in a open relationship ever i don't like to share aim for monogamy
 

Raging Bird

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Apr 10, 2007
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608
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New Orleans
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www.ragingbirdofyouth.tumblr.com
Man, feelings are coercive. I learned the hard way that sometimes people have them for you long after they stop wanting to, and you can get yourself in a lot of trouble by responding with "stop trying to coerce me into something I don't want". Shit, they're getting coerced themselves. The whole thing sounds pretty fair until you try it in real life and the person with options starts winning every time.

Maybe I'm just not an anarchist, but I dont see how this is describing anything other than everyone doing whatever they want - which is pretty much where society's at now. I only know a few people in relationships, everyone else just fucks whoever or doesn't get laid. I say fuck it, do what you want, even if that involves rules or whatever.
 
R

Rager

I deleted myself
actual working road relationships are rare I've found through the years..everyone is always fighting for some idiotic reason "last sip of whiskey or push" i don't understand why people stay together if there so miserable? fear of being alone?.....sucks but im used to traveling solo, i've given up finding someone i wont wanna smother in their sleep. not saying im not to blame aswell. I've been told i'm not very easy to get close too wonderful road dog horrible girlfriend haha
 

crix

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Joined
Jul 14, 2012
Messages
1
I'm pro open relationships, myself. I travel too much & love my free time too much to be monogamous.
 

bikegeek666

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Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
193
Hometown
oakland
i'm pro open relationships because i don't think any one person is ever going to be everything any one other person needs. i, and most of the women i've ended up with, have had needs we couldn't meet for each other, or desires for sex outside of the primary relationship. with ones where we agreed on monogamy, this tore us apart. i'm much happier now in a relationship where we don't do much outside, but have the freedom, and have that acknowledgement of our needs and desires.

i'm also just honest with myself that having one primary partner for the rest of my life would be okay with me, but only being able to fuck one person for the rest of my life would drive me batty. i'm a slut*, whatever.

it's not necessarily easy, my lady friend and i have had to have a lot of serious conversations about our feelings, boundaries, what we need from one another, and no open relationship can survive without that, but that's another plus, in a way. in a lot of monogamous relationships, these things are simply assumed and never discussed, and that hurts the relationship.

it can also be hard to break down your own jealousy and insecurity, but those things are bad no matter how you look at them, so it's worth working on them, and to be willing to slow down and take baby steps with things if that's what your partner needs.

it's hard to have a perfect relationship, and that's not going to be dependent on whether it's open or closed, but on how you conduct yourself in it. like i said, i don't think any one person can be everything to another, but a lot of people still survive in monogamous relationships. i do think, though, that openness forces a lot of the practices that any good relationship needs, and it has the added bonus of being able to follow your desires and meet your needs.

open relationships are where it's at, imo, and maybe everyone doesn't want it, but i do think many people would benefit from trying it or at least learning from that relationship model.

*and i mean "slut" in the most pro-slut, sex-positive way.
 

3rdEyeVision

I'm a d-bag and got banned.
Banned
Joined
Mar 12, 2013
Messages
137
I think that a normal relationship in the sense where you are totally connected and faithful to that person 100% is doable and does work for a lot of people. I am in favor of both open and closed but I would love to experience pure love and stay with a woman for the rest of my life if I could find that gem like some guys do. I think that naturally there are an infinite amount of tiny little things that attract a man to another woman and vise versa and it's hard to resist those urges of wanting to migrate towards that fresh new person you meet. Meanwhile you've got a man or a woman at home waiting for you who loves you. It seems we tend to have the feeling there is a possibility we are missing out on something if we don't leave the man or woman we are with and move on to the next one to experience new things. I can't stop her and she can't stop me but that ending cuts like a knife man...That's why I just don't do relationships cause somewhere in the process this always seems to happen with the woman. Never with me and I'm not saying that like I am perfect or anything but it's true. I always am comfortable with where I'm at with her in spirit or physically and it always got to a point where the woman just wasn't with me and needed to go. Until I find that one true lady that is like me where we always are comfortable together no matter what I'll always be single.
 

Shakou

Newbie
Joined
May 3, 2010
Messages
158
Age
36
Hometown
Currently NH
I personally am married and monogamous, but don't give a shit what anyone else decides to do. Everyone works differently, and that's fine. Being monogamous does not make you insecure, and being in an open relationship doesn't make you a sleezeball.
 

MFB

Wanderer
Joined
Nov 15, 2012
Messages
331
Age
39
Hometown
CO
Relationships and thier patterns are alway interesting to me as it seems so many people stay together out of convience, or because it's the next step in the script or because they are scared to be alone. I never understand it. I'd only be with someone because they made my life better...the only woman who has done that with any longevity has four legs. :)

But I digress...Im with Bikegeek, I could never fuck the same person forever; nor would I expect my significant other to only fuck me. Sex is awesome, and free, and one of last last few great expressions of one's zest for life. I think one should be free to pursue all those desires without jealousy or judgement. I would only date someone who shared that sentiment; however I understand one's preference for sexual monogomy.

Buuuut...sex is where it ends for me in regards to the "open" part of a relationship. I would never want to date or be involved emotionally with 2 people at once, nor would I want my significant other to pursue another partner for an emotional bond. For me it's healthy to fulfil physical desires, but seems impossible to ever care or love one on a deeper level and search out other romantic emotional bonds with another.

In conclusion, fuck a lot of people; love a few!
 

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