frigginwhatever
New member
Hello to all reading this. As you can tell by my username and stock photo avatar I'm pretty bummed. 27 year old white male, high school graduate, no college or trade under my belt. Been working whatever job I could find that didn't seem like it would suck that much ever since I was a kid. Only for it to definitely suck within a year, many times less than half a year. That's about as long I've lasted at any job before I've quit to work something else or just got fired because they could clearly see I didn't care anymore.
I'm not a complete useless piece of shit. I possess intelligence, I'm good looking, humorous and polite, I care about my beloved friends and family, and I have good people skills in general. No drug or alcohol dependency, used to smoke a lot of herb and had my fair share of psychedelics for exploration purposes but that was the extent of it. I've bounced back and forth between living with my mom or dad throughout my life, never had my own place. I attribute it to me not really being able to figure out why I can't just get my shit together and "do something" with my life. I feel like hard work never pays off, and all the hours I work goes nowhere. I've never made more than $15 an hour.
I'll admit I feel pretty vulnerable and weak putting this shit out there, but whatever. I currently have hardly any money and quit my last job not that long ago. I fantasize about just buying a quality travel backpack and hitting the road. Which I recognize could be seen as a naive thing and just "giving up", but I also think about how valid it is that working in this "babylon" just perpetually keeps me miserable. People throw a lot of recommendations out there, mainly family. "Get into a trade, you don't need college". I can't even get myself to muscle up the ambition to pursue something like that. None of it interests me. Lots of things interest me but I don't know how I can suddenly turn something I enjoy into a way of making money.
Anyways, I apologize as this has probably been painful for anyone reading this pathetic shit. I guess my reason for being here is having the glimpse of hope that someone else has dealt with the same shit. Just said fuck it, packed a bag, put everything up to random chance and somehow found themselves being "ok". I don't wanna sound judgmental towards those that do it, but I don't wanna be out there the rest of my life "flying a sign", and living off the fruits of everyone else's hard work just because I don't really feel like I "fit into the system". I wanna be able to be self sufficient at some point, but until I figure it out, if I chose homelessness, I'd kinda just be consciously choosing to do that for awhile. And I have mixed feelings about that, as there's guilt within that choice. People have had it so much worse, that's an extreme understatement. But I feel incredibly stuck and stagnant. I don't know what else to do. I think about suicide sometimes but I don't think I could go through with that shit.
If anyone just wants to call me out for being weak I can take it. If I should just fuck off the forum I will, but just figured I'd try this out and be real. Thanks for your time.
I'm not a complete useless piece of shit. I possess intelligence, I'm good looking, humorous and polite, I care about my beloved friends and family, and I have good people skills in general. No drug or alcohol dependency, used to smoke a lot of herb and had my fair share of psychedelics for exploration purposes but that was the extent of it. I've bounced back and forth between living with my mom or dad throughout my life, never had my own place. I attribute it to me not really being able to figure out why I can't just get my shit together and "do something" with my life. I feel like hard work never pays off, and all the hours I work goes nowhere. I've never made more than $15 an hour.
I'll admit I feel pretty vulnerable and weak putting this shit out there, but whatever. I currently have hardly any money and quit my last job not that long ago. I fantasize about just buying a quality travel backpack and hitting the road. Which I recognize could be seen as a naive thing and just "giving up", but I also think about how valid it is that working in this "babylon" just perpetually keeps me miserable. People throw a lot of recommendations out there, mainly family. "Get into a trade, you don't need college". I can't even get myself to muscle up the ambition to pursue something like that. None of it interests me. Lots of things interest me but I don't know how I can suddenly turn something I enjoy into a way of making money.
Anyways, I apologize as this has probably been painful for anyone reading this pathetic shit. I guess my reason for being here is having the glimpse of hope that someone else has dealt with the same shit. Just said fuck it, packed a bag, put everything up to random chance and somehow found themselves being "ok". I don't wanna sound judgmental towards those that do it, but I don't wanna be out there the rest of my life "flying a sign", and living off the fruits of everyone else's hard work just because I don't really feel like I "fit into the system". I wanna be able to be self sufficient at some point, but until I figure it out, if I chose homelessness, I'd kinda just be consciously choosing to do that for awhile. And I have mixed feelings about that, as there's guilt within that choice. People have had it so much worse, that's an extreme understatement. But I feel incredibly stuck and stagnant. I don't know what else to do. I think about suicide sometimes but I don't think I could go through with that shit.
If anyone just wants to call me out for being weak I can take it. If I should just fuck off the forum I will, but just figured I'd try this out and be real. Thanks for your time.