My Mom

[Stella Lum]

Margaret Ann Park

March 19th, 1966 - July 28th, 2015, approximately 5pm


Mom, I miss you so much, every day I think about you and how fucked up everything is. I wear the necklace you gave me every day, I love how my teeth are just like yours, too. I can't wait to see you on the other side, I love you so much. I need you Mom, the only thing keeping me going is knowing you're here with me. You are and always will be an amazing woman, and I'm so proud that you're my mom.

 

[Haystack]

I can feel the love in your words and I know your mom is very proud of you. May she R.I.P

 

[Stella Lum]

I can feel the love in your words and I know your mom is very proud of you. May she R.I.P

Thank you very much.

 

[creature]

Glad your Mom was someone you could love..

She looks like someone who saw through the layers to the facts of the matter..

Sorry you lost her so soon..

I agree, Haystack.. i bet she's proud.

Your mom needs you too, you know.. she gave you that necklace for a reason..

to remember her, to hope, to know that there are things that have meaning..

doesn't matter how fucked up stuff is.. if you have someone who loved you & whom you can love, as only a good mom can & as only a child who understands & loves her for it, well..

there is something stronger than everything that has ever been fucked up, because a good mom, or a good dad will be the best fucking friend you will ever know..

they will die for you, or they will die loving you..


i bet she's felt what you feel, so.. just keep feeling..
doesn't make it easy, but at least it means you can live with yourself.

yer the good daughter of a good woman, so.. don't despair, ok?

just be who she tried to let you be, & she'll be happy..


my dad went the hard way, with the cows eating his ass in revenge for all the hamburgers & steaks..

he taught me how to speak.

how to keep promises.

how to take pain, while hating it,

& hopefully, though i will never have anyone as wonderfull as my mom in my life,


how to die,

reasonably well.

your mom's love for you & yours for her gave her all she could have hoped for,
no matter how hard it was.

you are a good woman.

you had someone to stand with you, rather than trying to stand by yourself..


how fortunate you are, & how strong she must have been.


i could reduce my metaphysics to the temporialities of quantum mechanics, damn near to the level of formal equations..

i would be honored to, if so challenged..

in any case, mom is probably still mom.

i'm not down with this 'transmutation of the soul' 'reincarnation' thing..

i figure 1 shot is enough..
life gives you a lot..
you may fuck up, you may be fucked over, etc., etc., ..

i have no desire for my dad to come back as a worm, my mom as a butterfly or or me as a molecule of of the aroma of a piece of shit being eaten by a bacterium..

we are smart enough to make our choices..

some people have to battle the condition of merely being just simply being fucked up harder than others..

you can get fucked up by circumstance, fucked up by genetics, fucked up by events..

what matters is what you do, to the best of your abilities, in a non-selfish manner, while you are fucking *here*.

recomposition of variables into unity just doesn't hit me with the same coherency as intrinsic coherency.,.

maybe after what we love loves something else, we can begin to re-fucking-cycle, but..

i dunno..

my dad was hard-core..

i'd like to meet whatever deity that thought he would be erasable..

there's either one, or there's us, & if it's us, the deities will have a hard goddamned fucking time of it.

life is fucking tough.

if you can work hard enough & get goiddamned through it & can retain some semblance of love

why *shouldn't* you continue?

& i'm not worried..

if living gives living & nothing else?

that is perfectly ok..

hand-me-downs are some of the most beautifull things there are...

 

[Odin]

There is a bright spark given off whenever we enter this world, what we call atoms of zinc release a burst of photons... something I read.

I think this may be a sign of what we truly are; conscious thought outside of time, riding eternal waves on an ocean of light.

You express beautiful memory of your mother and I think her joy is immeasurable to know you honor her so.

I wish you both peace.

 

[Stella Lum]

Glad your Mom was someone you could love..

She looks like someone who saw through the layers to the facts of the matter..

Sorry you lost her so soon..

I agree, Haystack.. i bet she's proud.

Your mom needs you too, you know.. she gave you that necklace for a reason..

to remember her, to hope, to know that there are things that have meaning..

doesn't matter how fucked up stuff is.. if you have someone who loved you & whom you can love, as only a good mom can & as only a child who understands & loves her for it, well..

there is something stronger than everything that has ever been fucked up, because a good mom, or a good dad will be the best fucking friend you will ever know..

they will die for you, or they will die loving you..


i bet she's felt what you feel, so.. just keep feeling..
doesn't make it easy, but at least it means you can live with yourself.

yer the good daughter of a good woman, so.. don't despair, ok?

just be who she tried to let you be, & she'll be happy..


my dad went the hard way, with the cows eating his ass in revenge for all the hamburgers & steaks..

he taught me how to speak.

how to keep promises.

how to take pain, while hating it,

& hopefully, though i will never have anyone as wonderfull as my mom in my life,


how to die,

reasonably well.

your mom's love for you & yours for her gave her all she could have hoped for,
no matter how hard it was.

you are a good woman.

you had someone to stand with you, rather than trying to stand by yourself..


how fortunate you are, & how strong she must have been.


i could reduce my metaphysics to the temporialities of quantum mechanics, damn near to the level of formal equations..

i would be honored to, if so challenged..

in any case, mom is probably still mom.

i'm not down with this 'transmutation of the soul' 'reincarnation' thing..

i figure 1 shot is enough..
life gives you a lot..
you may fuck up, you may be fucked over, etc., etc., ..

i have no desire for my dad to come back as a worm, my mom as a butterfly or or me as a molecule of of the aroma of a piece of shit being eaten by a bacterium..

we are smart enough to make our choices..

some people have to battle the condition of merely being just simply being fucked up harder than others..

you can get fucked up by circumstance, fucked up by genetics, fucked up by events..

what matters is what you do, to the best of your abilities, in a non-selfish manner, while you are fucking *here*.

recomposition of variables into unity just doesn't hit me with the same coherency as intrinsic coherency.,.

maybe after what we love loves something else, we can begin to re-fucking-cycle, but..

i dunno..

my dad was hard-core..

i'd like to meet whatever deity that thought he would be erasable..

there's either one, or there's us, & if it's us, the deities will have a hard goddamned fucking time of it.

life is fucking tough.

if you can work hard enough & get goiddamned through it & can retain some semblance of love

why *shouldn't* you continue?

& i'm not worried..

if living gives living & nothing else?

that is perfectly ok..

hand-me-downs are some of the most beautifull things there are...

Thank you so much, I do believe her soul is still around, her energy. But I don't think she would come back as a catarpillar or a butterfly either, I feel her energy would be too strong for that even if it is true. I really appreciate your advice, support from people and knowing my mom is with me wherever I go is what's honestly keeping me going. Thank you, again.

 

[Stella Lum]

There is a bright spark given off whenever we enter this world, what we call atoms of zinc release a burst of photons... something I read.

I think this may be a sign of what we truly are; conscious thought outside of time, riding eternal waves on an ocean of light.

You express beautiful memory of your mother and I think her joy is immeasurable to know you honor her so.

I wish you both peace.

We're all stardust, made up of what the cosmos is made up of. I know she's with me, my necklace makes me feel like she's with me even moreso when I have it on, it was a christmas present when I was a kid <3 I miss her so intensely but I know her spirit is with me.

 

[yoandyyy]

So sorry for your loss, she's in a happy place now. keep your head up. love through it all.

 

[Stella Lum]

So sorry for your loss, she's in a happy place now. keep your head up. love through it all.

Thank you very much, trying to keep my head up every day.

 

[jaws]

In another way, she is here.

 

[marmar]

Your mom was beautiful, sorry for your loss. I lost my mother in 2011 and still feel the same way.. It sucks to have your mother gone before you even turn 25, as was my case. When I hear people talk shit about their parents it makes me sick, cuz no matter how bad it's better to have them somewhere alive and thinking about you.

 

[vantramp2016]

sorry for your loss.. though i'm sure her spirit is still here. i wish you both peace and you guys will be in my prayers!!!

 

[Stella Lum]

In another way, she is here.

Yes, she is

 

[Stella Lum]

sorry for your loss.. though i'm sure her spirit is still here. i wish you both peace and you guys will be in my prayers!!!

Thank you!

 

[Stella Lum]

Your mom was beautiful, sorry for your loss. I lost my mother in 2011 and still feel the same way.. It sucks to have your mother gone before you even turn 25, as was my case. When I hear people talk shit about their parents it makes me sick, cuz no matter how bad it's better to have them somewhere alive and thinking about you.

Yeah, I was 18, 19 now. Thank you, I'm glad I can relate to someone about this.