My Life And Why I'm Leaving it Behind

[Sliver]

"your problems are in your head not your town. They follow you no matter how far you run." - Mouse

I realize this thread has moved on a bit since that was said but i completely agree with Mouse here and feel this should be discussed a bit more. The first time I left home I felt very similar to how you described yourself feeling about your town. I thought that "if I could just get out of this place everything would be glorious" So I left and everything was wonderful, at first. I was ignoring my problems not dealing with them and my it didn't take long for my demons (for lack of a better term) to catch up with me and it wasn't until I returned home that I was able to face my problems. Sometimes you just need a fresh perspective.

On the subject of talking to your girlfriend, maybe talking isn't the best idea as there are other forms of communication. For example write a letter, you mentioned that you are not the best talker, and neither am I but with a letter you can proof read and edit and make sure that you put down what you need to say. State your feelings state your needs and let that open up dialogue or ask for a written response (just be there for a response). There is no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone! Now I don't know you but I am going to believe you when you say you wont go back to drugs, but unless you are able to grow from this then you will just find another form of escapism.

best
JoeGerminate

The whole letter thing...ehh...I LIVE with this girl. What am I gonna do, stand across the room while she reads it? It would be really weird for me to write her a letter since we live together.

Also, it's not my problems I'm running away from, necessarily. It's the hopelessness of the place in which I live. There is so much more opportunity in New York, so many more people that are like me, that I fit in with. This place is a cesspool of meaningless lives and lowered expectations. And, I can't have that. If I stay here, I can literally SEE where I'll be in 20 years, and knowing that is the worst feeling in the world, not only the fact of knowing, but what I see as well.

I can deal with my problems and have. So many people here think that I'm running from some great personal problem, which is not the case. The problem IS THIS PLACE. That's it. Take into account that literally YEARS of thought have gone into this.

 

[Mouse]

I've walked away from a few real good relationships because of my unsatiable urge to travel. It was always expected, I've never been known to stay anywhere too long and am up front about my inability to commit to anything but constant motion. I never thought of it as cruel, since I had never implied that I was going to do anything other than eventually travel on, but in the end I did abandon and hurt a few people who were more emotionally dependent on me than my narcissistic ass was able to realize at the time. It sounds like this girl is a very emotionally dependent person, and you've already said she has abandonment issues. If you really intend to move on you at least owe her a warning. Basically I feel that you need to man-up, tell her you're going back to NY and stick to it. If she truly loves you (which it kinda sounds like she does) she'll eventually consider going w/ you or at least try to find a way it make it work once all the inital drama is said and done with. If she flips out and you two break up forever, then you've just gotten past an extremely difficult point that would've been inevitable anyways.

There's a million different ways to chase the dragon... dope's just the easiest.

why exactly should SHE have to do that???? she's obviosuly already carried his ass for a good while only to have it all thrown in her face in the end. I know she made a wrong choice helping someone like this BUT he shouldn't have asked for help from someone only to exploit them, build their dreams up, and let them down.

I'm sorry but I get really sick of this whole "you have to man up" thing that really never involves being a man and taking care of shit but instead running away and if the stupid bitch follows it's her fault she fell in love with the wrong person. Maybe you stupid cocks need to stop being WRONG PEOPLE and start being good to those that love you and car for you???

 

[Beegod Santana]

I ain't saying he should ditch her, I'm not saying she should have to be the one to follow him. I'm just running with the assumption that he's going to anyways and should at least tell her he plans to move away rather than just up and leave without warning. I agree that he probably owes her plenty, but it doesn't look very likely that he's gonna stick around one way or another. I say "man up" because at the moment he's planning on doing the wussiest thing possible. Would you rather have someone ditch you without warning, or would you rather have that person at least tell you their plans so you can have a conversation about it and prepare for it? It doesn't make it right, its just a slight improvement to an already shitty situation.

Personally, I'm normally the one keeping people off drugs and supporting them through self-inflicted bullshit. Ask anyone who knows me, I ain't never been a junkie and I've never looked to someone to be my emotional cruch through tough times. I have however been a crutch for people who were dealing with some intense shit. Does it make me a "wrong person" or a "stupid cock" because I eventually moved on rather than dedicated my life to them? I try to help anyone I can, and never set out to hurt someone, but I also know that sticking around a place I hate (which for me is pretty much anywhere after 30 days) trying to be someone's partner / emotional crutch is only going to eventually make the situation worse when I inevitably lose my shit and go packing. So basically what I'm advocating is just simple honesty when dealing with traveling and relationships. If you have no intention of settling down, you should always be up front about it.

If you're in a relationship where you're afraid to tell you partner your deepest urges and personal desires, then you've already dug yourself a hole that there's no easy way out of, and thats exactly what it sounds like silver has done here. Hopefully he'll get a wake up call and deal with it responsibly.

 

[Mouse]

eh, I guess I'm just bitter about being people's "crutch" as you call it and then getting dumped on the side when they finally "figure out what they want" bullshit.

I've had too many times some dillhole used me to get himself back together and then he tries to tell me I'm a crazy nasty bitch because I eventually get pushed so far into stress and debt and have myself taxed to no end over them and I start to snap. but that's mostly my fault I guess... I'm that stupid bitch that cares too much. ha!

Im just trying to see it from this girls perspective. She's taken care of him, helped him, built him back up again, and he's gonna run off and leave her alone just because he doesn't like the town and doesn't want to settle down jsut yet. It's cruel punishment for being a good person and helping someone you love.

I very much so can see where he's coming from. I hate the place I'm stuck in at the moment (the area i grew up in) and I will eventually leave BUT I refuse to hurt my family and friends because I've seen the pain it causes people when you just up and leave and they get to sit back and worry. I know you can't live your life based on other expectations of you but sometimes you have to admit that maybe, just maybe, they are looking out for your best interest and not trying to hold you back but instead keep you in their lives because they love you. It's a hard task to juggle.. wanting to leave, travel, enjoy life, but not make your mother cry. It's almost impossible. But, that's in the context of family. Relationships are a choice, family gets handed to you. So, making choices (like being in a relationship with someone who is not interested in leaveing, traveling, or even just taking trips) to be with certain people shouldn't be taken lightly.

i personally have told my boyfriend that once i'm done probation and school I'm getting the hell out. Before he moved here to live with me he wasn't so into the idea, but I let him know it anyhow. Now that he's seen where I'm from, what life is like here, he now understand why I want to leave. I've also told my stories, explained my plans in great detail, and let him know that "no dear, I'm not gonna be a dirty crusty drunk punk anymore.. I'm gonna do this right this time" and if he wants to come he's more than welcome. But if he stays and gets his own apartment and wants to be in one place for the rest of his life, that's fine. I'll come visit, I'll be loyal, and I wont actually leave him aside from physically leaving from time to time. Loving someone means never, no matter what, hurting them. Despite both our needs and wants, we can make our lives together work in some harmony somwhow.

But I guess if ya feel a relationship isn't worth it, then by all means end it. But you shouldn't have gotten that deep into it in the first place. You can normally tell that a relationship isn't gonna work in the very begining.

 

[Beegod Santana]

Im just trying to see it from this girls perspective. She's taken care of him, helped him, built him back up again, and he's gonna run off and leave her alone just because he doesn't like the town and doesn't want to settle down jsut yet. It's cruel punishment for being a good person and helping someone you love.

I 100% agree w/ you.

 

[Mouse]

being the hardened man-hating feminist that I am I have to take the chicks side

just ask my boyfriend. He'll nod politely behind my back in fear that I will clock him for agreeing that I'm a man-hating bitch

hahah

totally not true... well, partly not true.

 

[BrokeWhiteBoy]

The whole letter thing...ehh...I LIVE with this girl. What am I gonna do, stand across the room while she reads it? It would be really weird for me to write her a letter since we live together. .

I live with my girl. She is the most important thing to me at this point in time. She's currently sleeping on the couch behind me while I type this. We do nearly everything together, both because I like spending time with her, and when I do give her a bit of space she usually decides to spend time with me (or atleast that's what I get the impression of). Yet, some things are much easier to explain when written down. Even though we live together, on occasion I still can find a way to write a letter or note of some kind if talking wouldn't express what I really feel.

I would say, you should definately talk to her, no way around it. Even if it does go sour now, you at least were respectful of her feelings and all that. Yes, telling her right before you leave sounds easy now, but that's a total dick move. "Hey, you've helped me out a lot, you cared for me, you loved me. I know all this, but hey, I'm leaving in a few days forever, have a nice life." doesn't sound so good. Who knows, maybe if you do the right thing, then move, in the future she may follow you, or if by some chance you move back to Maine, then you won't have to deal with weird situations/hostility/resentments from her when you up and left. Who knows, maybe she comes with you, maybe she doesn't. But let her know man.

I know for a fact, that even though both me and my girl have no intention of staying in this town for longer than we have to, if she or I up and decided to leave before the other, we'd have to talk a bit. I wouldn't feel right not knowing she would be okay whether on the road alone or staying here while I was gone.

My suggestion is grab a stack of paper, a pen, and go grab a seat at Denny's or some local coffee shop, and just start writing. Then when you get your letter written out, just give it to her then go sit in a different room and wait for her to finish reading before you bug her or distract her. Just because you live with her doesn't mean you can't find time to yourself. If you can't, then you're being lazy.

 

[dirtyfacedan]

Changes in life are good. I think it promotes personal growth. "Have fun storming the castle"!

 

[Earnhardt09]

Changes in life are good. I think it promotes personal growth. "Have fun storming the castle"!

I agree. Changes in life keep things interesting. Personally, I am always doing new things. It's kind of my way of an anti-drug. It keeps me constantly thinking about something new.

Good luck with the next saga of your life.