Major reckoning regarding....what to do next? (1 Viewer)

Coywolf

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Wow, it's been a minute StP.

I've been on a leave of absence for almost 2 years now. I was presented with the opportunity to advance my career. Full benefits, full time work...I took it. At the time, I was thinking about my future. Retirement and medical benefits seemed like a win/win....it has been anything but.

When I was still a seasonal park ranger/Firefighter I loved what I was doing. The work, the time off, the excitement. The off-season. However when I moved into this full time work, everything went to shit. I have no time off (tons of leave but no time to take it) , the people i work with are tools, I'm expected more and more to screw people at the hands of the government...

Long story short, I've come to an ultimatum of whether I should resign and return to a life of Nomadry.

Throughout the past 2 years I've fallen more and more into depression. I can't shake it. It seems that I am less able to remember happiness each day that passes, and the only thing I can hold onto is my previous memories of traveling. I am constantly dissolutioned with the idea of how this country expects me to behave, to succeed, to be happy, to meet people, to not....well....die, really. And I have called a HARD BULLSHIT on the majority of it.

I find myself in Vegas. Pretty much the shittiest place for someone who dispises American capitalism....how the fuck did I get here? Well, that answer lies also within capitalism. I was told the best chance I had of surviving was to eventually get to this point: hating the world, and trying to screw everything around me for a better life.

I can't. I hate money. I only want enough to survive and maybe buy land some day. I hate competition. Fucking Sportsball is a bane on my existence. I love the natural environment, which is constantly fucked at each and every turn...im a Park Ranger and I can't do shit about it. My position is a sham.

Yet again, long story short. I'm having a mid life crisis. I'm 33. I need to shit or get off the pot in terms of quitting my job and hitting the road for a while before I find out something else/come back to my career.

Its either that, or I do it later. Which may lead to me starting a new career in Professional Home-Bumming.

I don't want to be a Homebum....Satan...if you are listening...please note that.

Fuck. I don't know. I'm Creature-ing right now, but its warranted. I'm fucking done. I've been so depressed for 2+ years that I need a change.im just at the point of wondering whether its too late for me to go back to a Hobo-esque lifestyle...

Fucking trains. I just want fucking trains. All day e'ry day.
 
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Eng JR Lupo RV323

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Man, I can relate. I threw my career away and tried to live a different life but it just seems really difficult to do that without money or at very least a decent chunk of land that you somehow either fully own or you're able to pay your mortgage with your good looks or.. idk maybe just doing something you enjoy can pay those bills? I'm not really sure how to achieve that shit. I found myself right back in the grind chasing the paper. It hasn't been as soul crushing, the way I've been going about it since leaving the railroad but it's still not by any means enjoyable.

I actually just applied for another position that's railroad related and it'll trap me in Fresno if I get it but fucking hell these guys are raking in 13k to 16k a month! So hard to not shoot for it. So my plan is to shoot my shot, if I get it.. I approach the entire thing differently this time around. Having lived in next to nothing for numerous years now, I know how to budget a lot better than I used to. So I figure, stack my chips and do it right this time around. Bang out maybe 10 years max and set myself up for an earlyish retirement.

I mention all of this to sort of give you a snapshot into a person's life who's been at the crossroads you're at. The path I took, where it's led me and what I'm considering for the future. That's not to say you couldn't play the cards in your hand better than I played mine. Just saying that's more or less how things went for me. If I could go back I wouldn't have left so abruptly. I would have stacked my chips and set myself up better. Because here I am now years later basically hoping I get one more shot to do so.

You gotta put your mental health pretty high up there on the priorities though. I guess only you can really make this decision because only you know how bad it is, what you're willing to do/what you're willing to sacrifice, etc. All I can really weight in on is to say take your time making this decision. Really fucking think this shit through. In the end I think it's always going to be better to regret something you have done rather than regret something you hadn't done. Even if it was a mistake, the choice you've made. It's still going to be easier to swallow than to just wish you'd made some move but you never did out of fear or whatever it is stopping you.
 

ali

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It's never too late. I'm 41. Heck, my mom took a year off to travel and learn woodcarving (!) in her 50s. If anything i'd say it gets easier as you get older, especially if you collect a bit of a nest egg over the years. That's something to fall back on, plus you have more wisdom to keep yourself out of dicey situations.

I do feel the conflict between working a job that is exhausting and disheartening, but gives you the cash and health benefits to live a more comfortable life. It is very frustrating that society isn't really set up to support part-time or occasional workers with no fixed abode. The choice i made was to suffer through the work for several years and put money away so i could continue a relatively comfortable lifestyle while traveling... But then you have to go back to work again when the money runs out. I don't regret making that choice, even though on balance the majority of my adult years have been working and not enjoying freedom. Other people made different choices, i don't think there is a right one or a wrong one. You just gotta ask yourself what's important to you and what you can put up with (physically as well as psychologically).

I hope you figure it out and things improve for you soon. Hang in. Know you're not the only one who struggles with these things.
 

MetalBryan

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My dad worked for the same company for 35 years, so I grew up thinking (briefly) that was normal. Not only is that kind of opportunity long gone, but it's also not normal to sit still for that long. It's been my experience (and my confirmation bias) that if you stay at any job for too long and they'll probably find a way to fire you.

Maybe you regret the decisions you made that got you to this point. Making mistakes and learning from them keeps your adaptation skills sharp. Seems like there's no bad decision for you right now - anything other than a stupid decision will likely improve your life. You can only go up from here!

Tune your vices down for a moment so you can take stock of what you have. Then make a decision. You can always get another job and the worst that can happen is you rejoin the traveler community and leave Vegas. I mean shit it's winter and you're already in the desert - a pretty good starting place.
 

Wilonel

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Wow, it's been a minute StP.

I've been on a leave of absence for almost 2 years now. I was presented with the opportunity to advance my career. Full benefits, full time work...I took it. At the time, I was thinking about my future. Retirement and medical benefits seemed like a win/win....it has been anything but.

When I was still a seasonal park ranger/Firefighter I loved what I was doing. The work, the time off, the excitement. The off-season. However when I moved into this full time work, everything went to shit. I have no time off (tons of leave but no time to take it) , the people i work with are tools, I'm expected more and more to screw people at the hands of the government...

Long story short, I've come to an ultimatum of whether I should resign and return to a life of Nomadry.

Throughout the past 2 years I've fallen more and more into depression. I can't shake it. It seems that I am less able to remember happiness each day that passes, and the only thing I can hold onto is my previous memories of traveling. I am constantly dissolutioned with the idea of how this country expects me to behave, to succeed, to be happy, to meet people, to not....well....die, really. And I have called a HARD BULLSHIT on the majority of it.

I find myself in Vegas. Pretty much the shittiest place for someone who dispises American capitalism....how the fuck did I get here? Well, that answer lies also within capitalism. I was told the best chance I had of surviving was to eventually get to this point: hating the world, and trying to screw everything around me for a better life.

I can't. I hate money. I only want enough to survive and maybe buy land some day. I hate competition. Fucking Sportsball is a bane on my existence. I love the natural environment, which is constantly fucked at each and every turn...im a Park Ranger and I can't do shit about it. My position is a sham.

Yet again, long story short. I'm having a mid life crisis. I'm 33. I need to shit or get off the pot in terms of quitting my job and hitting the road for a while before I find out something else/come back to my career.

Its either that, or I do it later. Which may lead to me starting a new career in Professional Home-Bumming.

I don't want to be a Homebum....Satan...if you are listening...please note that.

Fuck. I don't know. I'm Creature-ing right now, but its warranted. I'm fucking done. I've been so depressed for 2+ years that I need a change.im just at the point of wondering whether its too late for me to go back to a Hobo-esque lifestyle...

Fucking trains. I just want fucking trains. All day e'ry day.
Do it. Quit and go back on the road. Happiness rules.
 

Matt Derrick

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Yeah it sucks we all gotta work a job we (usually) hate to support ourselves, but I kinda see it as a winter polar bear diving challenge, jump in as long as you can, but not for too long! It's the too long that gets most people (myself included). I've discovered my tolerance lies at around 6-9 months. I start getting some serious depression issues if I go longer than that.

Like @ali said though, it's never too late to change directions. They're 41, I'm 42, and I keep seeing this 'get motivated' meme of a guy that didn't write a book and start traveling the world until he was 53. So it's never too late. Calculate the resources you have, and use that to shift gears, even if that just means taking a break for a few months or a year or however long you need.

I never really had to think about mental health all that much up until the past three years or so where I got seriously grounded from traveling, and that shit is important. It's absolutely a fuel tank you need to keep full by doing whatever it is that makes you happy. If you keep ignoring it or putting it aside for money, etc, that tank is going to run dry and that's just as bad as starving yourself physically.

So make your escape plan. Any advice or help we can give, just let us know. You're always more than welcome to crash with me here in Austin.
 

Big George W

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57 is just a few months away for me, when I hit 55 one thing I promised myself was I was going to simplify my life and give up a very good paying position in a plant where I have worked at for most of my adult life,
At first, it was great - my back got better [repetitive trauma issues...] through the wonders of acupuncture, but then I started to feel very isolated as the people I worked with did everything they could to play games with me and make my life at the plant very depressing and alone.
So, oddly enough - after blowing out my knee real bad, I decided I need to go back to where I was, better pay, far more responsibility but far better working conditions/people.

I know - that has nothing to do with the original post or any of the comments.

But here's the thing: I have never worked for the sake of working, I have always worked to further my own goals in life, be it funding my eco work which I did for about 10 years as a volunteer, building a killer old school analog recording studio,... which took like 30 years, actually longer, basically having a job enabling me to pursue my own dreams the way I'd like to.

This to me gives me much insight as to where you were, where you are at, and perhaps where you should be going:

"When I was still a seasonal park ranger/Firefighter I loved what I was doing. The work, the time off, the excitement. The off-season. However when I moved into this full time work, everything went to shit. I have no time off (tons of leave but no time to take it) , the people i work with are tools, I'm expected more and more to screw people at the hands of the government..."

There is nothing wrong with going back, hell... I'm about to do that myself.
 

Beegod Santana

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If the job is driving you nuts and you don't have to stay at it to survive or support another, I'd say it's time to move on. There's tons of work out there, wages are going up and there's no guarantee the government will be around to take care of you in 30 years.

Land can be way cheaper than a lot of people think. But as someone who's gone that route don't expect it to solve all your problems. Like, I still gotta go paint houses and clean gutters when things are getting tight. I have no guarantee of payment for my labor, and every fuckup is my fault.

Personally if I was you I'd save a few stacks and go check out some outta the way parts of the country you haven't seen before a see what appeals to you. The further you get from a highway and major cities, the cheaper things get, well, unless you're next to a national park.
 

HitchBiker

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Jobs suck. But doing a seasonal thing is definitely the way to go for it to suck a little less. At least then it has an expiration date. I’ve pretty much never worked a job I enjoyed, but money is so much more since I started traveling and getting better at it. I’m at the point where flying signs is too much work and degradation for little return, but full time work alongside bills is somehow worse. Random seasonal gigs makes it all a little better.

As a side note: I was actually within six feet of you at the park twice in one day this last year, but both times you were in uniform and with other people in uniform so seemed not a good time to say hi.
 

roughdraft

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I pretty much have accepted that this type of feeling is never going to leave me, the pursuit of one desire leaves another unquenched. just trying to find the best balance between priorities is as good as it gets.
 

kitkat

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Y'all it's been a minute too and I feel you...I just can't figure how to navigate this system and keep my integrity and thirst for the road in check. Maybe this is why peeple sell-out...scrapping the idealism of their youth for the realism of the state of affairs. But fuck that! Ok so now what...dude I've struggled with this for so long and I'm still figuring it out. Also not wanting to fall into the trap of the PeterPan mentality....

I find myself now in law skool (no crippling debt tho because not American) and telling myself that perhaps i can do something in the humanitarian space but I dare not peep into the abyss because i fear it'll lead me down the same rabbithole which is that it's a all a Scam™️ and really I'm just tryna make myself feel better.

I DONT KNOW DUDE I JUST WANNA LIVE
 

bip

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Y'all it's been a minute too and I feel you...I just can't figure how to navigate this system and keep my integrity and thirst for the road in check. Maybe this is why peeple sell-out...scrapping the idealism of their youth for the realism of the state of affairs. But fuck that! Ok so now what...dude I've struggled with this for so long and I'm still figuring it out. Also not wanting to fall into the trap of the PeterPan mentality....

I find myself now in law skool (no crippling debt tho because not American) and telling myself that perhaps i can do something in the humanitarian space but I dare not peep into the abyss because i fear it'll lead me down the same rabbithole which is that it's a all a Scam™️ and really I'm just tryna make myself feel better.

I DONT KNOW DUDE I JUST WANNA LIVE
what youre doing is cool. be a lawyer for activists and shit
 

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