Loneliness

[Deleted member 2626]

so how does anyone else deal? I try to stay busy, keeping things in future mind, look forward to my few visitors and seeing family and friends for winter. Though sometimes loneliness is just there and there ain't much you can do. Unfortunately too I tend to tip em back a lot more to fight this, it's escapism but I suppose it could be way worse. It's almost worse sometimes to have people come see me and then leave. I may be better off just never having company because then departure doesn't leave the void that sticks sometimes. I have my two critters but honestly it only goes so far then yet I have days where they are all I wanna see. Sometimes there are no answers or one word let's.

 

[EphemeralStick]

I play video games on my laptop when I'm feeling particularly lonely. It gets my mind off of the sinking feeling. What's difficult is that when I feel lonely then I start to feel depressed and when I'm depressed I don't want to be around people. Which ends up becoming this annoying cycle of self-loathing. It does wonders for my writing but damn does it suck for my overall well-being.

I have to make sure that if I'm on my own that I'll be enjoying myself and doing things that make me feel happy about myself. Games, books, crafts, everything I carry with me becomes an out let to stave off the depression. Sometimes it works, sometimes I drink a pint of whiskey and turn into Sad Sobbing Andy. What's important is just as you said, keep looking to the future. Emotions come and go, you'll get through it buddy. Just keep on truckin'.

 

[Deleted member 2626]

Fucking right dude. Life is just one large scale of joy and sadness. Just like joy fades so does the bad. Thanks man that's good. Any others? I keep thinking someday I'll be a true hermit but for now I still very much need people sometimes even if it's just a phone call.

 

[Deleted member 2626]

And your right. I feel my words are at their best when I'm depressed. Like most of my favorite writers were lonely loners who suffered. My buddy was just here and is alone a lot and we concurred that suffering makes you strong.

 

[Coywolf]

I know I've posted this on here in other threads, but ya. I almost had a nervous breakdown in Eugene because of loneliness. Fuck man, I get realy depressed on the road sometimes.

I usually just keep moving to get my mine off of it. A sort of "The next town will be better" mindset. Busking helps a lot also, because you meet a lot of cool pepole on the street.

Also, getting laid helps alot. Not even shitting you. After I am with someone I can be alone for like a couple months no problem.

If the loneliness is debilitating, it might be worth it to land a job, house up, and find some people to chill with for a bit. That's why I like my summer employment. Money+social interactions = a great winter travel season.

 

[creature]

i get hammered & rant on StP..
then folks say they love me, & i say i love them, & after that i dun feel lonely anymore..

just loved
& fucking doomed.

; )

 

[AlwaysLost]

I know I've posted this on here in other threads, but ya. I almost had a nervous breakdown in Eugene because of loneliness. Fuck man, I get realy depressed on the road sometimes.

I usually just keep moving to get my mine off of it. A sort of "The next town will be better" mindset. Busking helps a lot also, because you meet a lot of cool pepole on the street.

Also, getting laid helps alot. Not even shitting you. After I am with someone I can be alone for like a couple months no problem.

If the loneliness is debilitating, it might be worth it to land a job, house up, and find some people to chill with for a bit. That's why I like my summer employment. Money+social interactions = a great winter travel season.

Was Eugene unfriendly?

 

[Deleted member 2626]

Honestly I find being on my land. Kind of everyday, camping here and there and walks to town more lonely. The road is new and new places everyday and people. I get lonely very little while tramping. I'm lonely waiting around for packing gear in the mail. It's a bitch to have to sort of sit

 

[VikingAdventurer]

... I get hammered & rant on StP...

^^^ I might just start doing this myself.

::drinkingbuddy::::rules::::finger::::dead::::nailbiting::::angelic::

 

[Hillbilly Castro]

What I do is I sit in populated places and do nothing all day, with the aim of having strangers approach me. Sometimes this helps. If that doesn't work, I call all my friends, and that helps a lot. If neither of those works, I'll hitchhike - at least there'll be a person driving whatever car I get in.

As the years go by, however, I am finally finding more traveler friends, and find that there are usually quite a few not so far from me. So I may head over and meet them. Almost anywhere in the US I can find someone within a day or two's travel worth hanging by for a week or two at least.

 

[Odin]

I made friends with folks in front of the booze store bumming around
when I have money or when I spanged.
Now I have a new deal... checking out forest preserves and drinking there.
An old timer gave me a strategy for the busy days I have to try out some time. When folks grill n drink... offer to help clean up... you could be treated to good grub n free beer. Or just crash a party but with class...send out those telepathic feelers.

I also highly recommend getting blasted on vodka posting up STP!

THis place has been a comfort many a lonely night while I await further instructions from my :: friends.

 

[Grubblin]

i get hammered & rant on StP..
then folks say they love me, & i say i love them, & after that i dun feel lonely anymore..

just loved
& fucking doomed

; )

For what it's worth @creature i loved that post. It's one of the best posts on the thread among some truly great posts, it's both true and funny (or I guess it's true, u said it).

I knew the lonely would be there waiting when I started. I knew the lonely would be there in all sizes of cities, in every state I went. I knew it would follow me from the valleys to the mountain tops. There was no doubt in my mind that it would be there waiting. What surprised me was how all encompassing it can be.

Its always there, the little lonely, but DAMN, sometimes it seems like it's all I can feel. Sometimes that feeling goes on for days - which in the liminal time that I've found myself living in since I hit the road, seems like months. Reading at the library only goes so far. Sometimes hiking actually makes it worse.

That's one of reasons I get on here. People who haven't lived this life can't begin to comprehend a conversation even half this deep. That's another problem that I have. The longer I travel the less I can relate to the 'normal' people of the world, even old friends from the life before.
(Everytime i get a new job and explain how I'm living people look at me like I've just grown a dick in the middle of my forehead. How do relate to that?) It really is two lives. I look at how I was and how I am and can't believe it's the same person. There are so many advantages and disadvantages to both lives that's sometimes it's hard to know which one is 'better'.

I absolutely agree with @ephermalstick -

It does wonders for my writing but damn does it suck for my overall well-being.

.

Sometimes I wonder if the writing is worth it as well.

How do I deal with it? I wish I knew a better way to tell you. I do just about everything on here that everyone's already described. I try not to drink (I still do, just try to limit it) bc I don't want it to become a crutch. Now the sex part I try at every opportunity. It's not just the physical act of sex for me though. It's more of the intimate connection for however long that lasts. Whether it's a night, a week, or a month I know it's not going to last when I start but in the mean time the bond that forms helps to get me through life, however superficial that bond may be.

Working actually helps. It gets my mind off of it while I'm there and the money let's me eat a little better. It always helps not to starve the brain. I have found one thing that may have not been mentioned. I tend to form much stronger friendships, where I share more of myself than I used to, with the people at work that don't think I'm a dickface. I know that when I leave I'll never hear from them again but I accept it bc I'll form different friendships, more quickly, at the next town I go to. Sometimes those friendships only last during working hours. When it's time to go home, they go to their house, I go to one of my mountains and that's ok too.

Two more things and I'll stop crying in my beer, it's watered down by now.

First: Even when I was living my first life the lonely was there. The lonely didn't happen near as often, nor did it come on nearly as strong but it was there.

Second:. DOOMSDAY PREPPERS. These people spend obscene amounts of money buying supplies, guns, and ammo prepping for the end of humanity. They want to be able to ride out the end in their million dollar bunker and shoot anyone that tries to take what's theirs. If what they're prepping for ever happens, they'll be their own worst enemy. You can't hide away from lonely and last I heard there's no known firearm, or bullet, or booby trap in the world that can kill lonely. They have no idea of the lonely that's waiting!

Sorry, I guess I didn't help you, I just whined a lot. Maybe it just helps for you to know that you aren't the only one feeling this way.

Ok, one more thing then I'll stf up. So I'm sitting on a bench in a park or I'm sitting in any parking lot in my truck. I'm minding my own business reading or messing with the phone. I look up and make eye contact with someone walking by whose looking at me and they quickly look away trying to keep me from knowing that they were looking in the first place. I know what that's about and it increases the lonely more than I ever imagined. Whether they believe it or not I AM a person. Whether the believe this or not I want nothing from them, except a little conversation would be nice. If they don't want to talk it's not like I'm going to chase them down to talk about something stupid like the weather. I know, who the fuck cares what they think? Except, for this particular interaction/situation my mind doesn't seem to work that way.

 

[Odin]

@Grubblin you put my superficial post to shame.It's ok, you illustrate and hit the nail on head for the problem of loneliness.

nothing i have done the last few years falling into drink and just killing time makes much of a difference long.

heck even trying to write a worthwhile post on the boards instead of slapstick humor is difficult. I have gotten lazy and getting drunk n counting clouds with people that only want to do that... or talk stupid shit about only the surface of topics... is how i occupy myself.

I guess if I keep distracted I don't feel it as much.

 

[AlwaysLost]

@Grubblin you put my superficial post to shame.It's ok, you illustrate and hit the nail on head for the problem of loneliness.

nothing i have done the last few years falling into drink and just killing time makes much of a difference long.

heck even trying to write a worthwhile post on the boards instead of slapstick humor is difficult. I have gotten lazy and getting drunk n counting clouds with people that only want to do that... or talk stupid shit about only the surface of topics... is how i occupy myself.

I guess if I keep distracted I don't feel it as much.

I haven't done anything meaningful in almost 20 years. As for loneliness eventually i just started talking to myself.

 

[Grubblin]

@Odin Dude, sounds like you're being hard on yourself. There's no reason for that. You tried to help, I think you did, and I believe that slapstick humor is some of the best medicine. I thought the alien friends line was hilarious. I've read quite a few of your posts and have enjoyed them immensely. You've helped more people than you know. Whatever you do to help you get through a shitty, lonely day in a world that's way too hard, well, that's what you do. Who the fuck is to say what's right and wrong? Try not to be so down. It's all good and tomorrow's another day, A BETTER DAY!

This next part is just about my personal beliefs. Everyone in here is a person and every person has problems.. Lots of these problems lead to the lonely. In turn, the lonely leads to even more problems. It's a cycle that is vicious to an extreme degree. I don't how to 'fix' it for someone, I can't even fix my own. I'll never ask someone about anything they don't want to speak on but I'll always listen when they want to talk. I never offer advice except when it's specifically asked for but I've found that most times people don't want advice. They don't want you to try to fix it. Most of the time, people just want someone to listen, they just want someone, anyone, to give a damn about them and their problems for a change!

Thanks for the kind words about the post. I was kind of surprised that the post came from my fingers. That's bc I have very little idea what's about to come out of my mouth when I start talking. I have absolutely no idea what's going to come off of my fingertips when I start typing. On a deeper post like this I just make sure that I'm in the right frame of mind, open myself to the moment, and hope that whatever comes out is the right thing to say. Tonight, I may have gotten it right and I may have helped someone, there's not much better that I can do than that.

PEACE, brother - bc peace is one of the few things left in this world that's with a damn!

 

[creature]

trees..
trees are good friends..

 

[creature]

in fact, trees are such nice people, we should nuke them...

 

[creature]

anyways, better to be lonely & able to grab yer nuts, than to not be lonely & not know you have them..

people are one of four things, perhaps;

lonely, because they have fucking principles, & are poor at the social calculus of 'compromise'

or

lonely because they don't fucking compromise, even though they have plenty of love around them, but the work they do to sustain it goes (at least for a while, & maybe hella longer) unrecognized, or worse, unappreciated, yet continue to do that work

or

are just selfish, grreedy fucks who want what they wabt, but instead of being lonely bevause of the distortions of their existence are just fucking self-pitying, angry, disillusioned & selfish..

or

fairly blithe, ignoring or diminishing important shit, simply because it doesn't feel as good as when you pay attention to it, so that something as profound as loneliness never really makes its way in..

there's other manifestations within that spectrum, but i'll take the first (& maybe even the second) *any day*, so long as i get to know (at least in part) what & who i actually am.

i embrace my fucking loneliness, because it is a consequence of the way things actually are..

how else could we ever really know each other, hardley past the pale of strangers, yet able to offer up food or shelter or resource or support, without question, to the extent whereat our good will is only limited by circumstance?

i don't know any of you fuckers, but i would drive many, many miles, or split my last fucking sandwich, or give you the better tent or bag or whatever..

you all would do the same for each other, or you fucking better,
because if *we* die from indifference to each other, we are more fucking useless than the very things we curse...

 

[lone wolf]

the lizards crawling on my tent gobbling up all of Bill Gates GE mosquitoes keep me company...

i <3 those insect destroying creatures.

 

[Odin]

PEACE, brother - bc peace is one of the few things left in this world that's with a damn!

It sure is... Thanks for the post. Those are good words and they help. Me, you and anyone that will read them and remember to get out and live life. Big interesting world out there. Heck, interesting even at my local liquor store.


::drinkingbuddy::