Kinda Lost

[JoseCualquier]

If y'all would permit me to whine for a moment. I was applying to grad schools, but it's not looking good for various reasons. I was thinking I should just focus on writing projects, but after a few months of doing that, I'd be out on my ass. I'm lucky enough to have a degree, but it has been far from the great equalizer everyone said it would be. True, my jobs pay better than they used to, but I'm still in a position where I'm always scrambling for something new (contract ends, boss asks me to do sketchy shit, some supervisor decides they don't like me). I'm sort of stuck spinning my wheels. Part of me says I should tough it out as long as I can. Sure, may be one day I won't have a choice in the matter, but so far I've managed to keep a roof over my head. I know a few people who'd prefer to have my set up. At the same time, I just get so sick and tired of spinning my wheels all the time and having nothing to show for it. It all feel like its dangling at the edge of a cliff. Real sword of Damocles type shit. May be one day I'll catch a break, but I'm really worried that I'm just gonna keep telling myself that, and end up playing out the same shit until I'm too old for anything but regrets. I hope it gets better, wouldn't mind if it got worse, but I can't keep doing this.

 

[A New Name]

If y'all would permit me to whine for a moment. I was applying to grad schools, but it's not looking good for various reasons. I was thinking I should just focus on writing projects, but after a few months of doing that, I'd be out on my ass. I'm lucky enough to have a degree, but it has been far from the great equalizer everyone said it would be. True, my jobs pay better than they used to, but I'm still in a position where I'm always scrambling for something new (contract ends, boss asks me to do sketchy shit, some supervisor decides they don't like me). I'm sort of stuck spinning my wheels. Part of me says I should tough it out as long as I can. Sure, may be one day I won't have a choice in the matter, but so far I've managed to keep a roof over my head. I know a few people who'd prefer to have my set up. At the same time, I just get so sick and tired of spinning my wheels all the time and having nothing to show for it. It all feel like its dangling at the edge of a cliff. Real sword of Damocles type shit. May be one day I'll catch a break, but I'm really worried that I'm just gonna keep telling myself that, and end up playing out the same shit until I'm too old for anything but regrets. I hope it gets better, wouldn't mind if it got worse, but I can't keep doing this.

You registered on this forum forum for a reason. What was it?

 

[JoseCualquier]

Curiosity mostly? Heading out is something I've sort of toyed with, and I figured y'all might be more receptive than people who have dismissed me out of hand, but also it's a big fucking thing to consider doing. Like, if I don't have to, are there negative moral implications to being out there? If I have the possibility of being a "success" in the more traditional sense, and helping people out, do I have some sort of responsibility to do so. Idk man, I guess I'm looking for answers in a way. Not demanding them of anyone, because it's not a fair thing to ask, but you never know where you might find a bit of enlightenment.

Also, I think exploring abandoned buildings is fun, and there's a section for that.

 

[lone wolf]

"the place you are looking for is the place from which you are looking"
mooji

 

[dodi]

And, quick question, do you have like ... plans ? I mean, from what I read you're kinda lost in (not) translation, with an everyday life that doesn't...suit you...Which I kinda get, security and a roof on your head give you heaps of time to THINK about what you would like to do, but maybe not enough energy to actually DO it .

My point is, I have the feeling that if you wanna get out there, maybe you could try to look into you for some kind of motivation, and then use that as a getaway. And then forget it along the road if you like it I think that's what some people are looking for when starting to travel. You know, you lure yourself into thinking you are making this big trip because you want to, I don't know, see the architecture or whatever, and then you realise that actually that's not the only thing, that the lifestyle really suits you more than a 9-5 in always the same town.

Also, I don't think you have any responsibility to help people in the way that is the most "traditional". I don't think that the fact that it would be the easiest way makes it any more moral or compelling.

But hey, just me thinking all right ?