I'm the closest thing I have to a voice of reason...

[Antoine Roquentin]

It has seized me in the worst of ways, and at quite an inopportune time. I am talking about what I've heard described as the "wanderlust", of course. While I am leaving in only a few days for an endeavor that's quite different from any one before, I am dying to have an adventure and set out traveling aimless, unabashed, shameless. To me, there's nothing else like that part of my past. It wasn't too long I spent wandering, but it wasn't "my senses" I came back to either. It hasn't ever left me, I am realizing....it only slid over to make room for other things. No more important, no less. "And I was nursing a broken heart, I cannot forget," I think and I cut myself some slack.

I like that...the cutting of slack.

The past two days have been mostly my daydreaming of catching a Southbound to Seattle and just enjoying the ride. This whole damn side of the country is new to me, I'm saying to myself. I think of just walking down the road to wherever it leads...I've never tried thumb bumming it...who knows? "A short trip would surely cure me," I keep telling myself. My rational side (and I say that with a grin) says that there is a schedule to keep, obligations that must be met, another journey that I am also to embark upon very soon. Part of me thinks this might be the last mark I make, and I cannot elaborate save that statement. I am not afraid; it is a good mark to make.

But Oh! (I am laughing here) to be free again and riding the rails, just one more time before I go -- I imagine the beautiful Washington wilderness passing by me, then I tease myself with the thought that my mind's eye won't ever do it justice, that I'm new here...that I aught to see it for myself, goddamnit.

I know that I should play it safe, and I probably will. However, knowing (firsthand and all too well) that I could take off at anytime is gnawing away at my so called rational side; it is like the incessant chewing of the family dog on the leg of the sofa in the otherwise pristine little living room in Anytown, USA. I can yell at him ten thousand times, yet I know he won't stop until his teeth don't pain him anymore.

I've got a toothache in a bad way, I think. This is surely my due for ever wandering about in the first place, I say aloud. I am in agony, with this fantastic feeling that there is adventure waiting, danger even, waiting for me all the time, and anytime! My boots will remain planted here where things are safe, warm and dependable, I'm telling myself...

Unless I wake up tommorow and the sun is shining just the right way along the road, it's rays refracting up off the puddles stretching out into the distance, an eventual minute glimmer, too enticing to resist. Maybe I'll just go sit and watch the tracks around this new town where I wait for my exodus....maybe, just maybe...just to check things out...

Right?

 

[Rash L]

heh heh heh... riiiight.



PS
welcome.

 

[Rstank]

rationale is the enforced side of us we are to think we are too old or too young to leave the rat race to abandon all that systematic thinkers have set before is "immature" or "unsightly" but us children of broken homes, a dying system, and whatever else we are finding out more and more about ourselves about eachother and about the world......the unrefined parts the true and soulful parts.....we wander for experience we wander for love... and we are family forged through bonds of title, experience, knowledge, urge, likes, and dislikes we will forever swim together underneath there noses we will be underground and know only eachother to the rest we are ghosts a face that will fade from the minds eye or capture there interest but for a moment....invisible to all but eachother and our "opposition" , i say this is the true way to live underneath that thin vail that society, government, schools, media set in front of us, only submerging for a moment to get a ride or there coins.....i urge you to leave it but your choices are your own, but you havent the accursed wanderlust i tell you it is everyones instinct to go out and see with eyes unclouded, only few keep going the rest eventually grow roots and get stuck in places that they have never wanted to be jobs, school, house whatever it is there are always one million reasons not to do something you want but sometimes you just need to close your eyes and leap and trust that your path has always been a right one

 

[Antoine Roquentin]

That's an interesting point of view, Rstank. I agree that the unrefined parts are the true and soulful parts, I'd never felt better than when I didn't have any obligations, did what made me happy all of the time.

I see myself eventually letting go and taking the plunge...I feel that nothing has ever suited me better. For right now in my life though...I have an obligation and I can not just wander. After that obligation is passed though, I can see myself living the way you speak of. Just some shit I gotta go through first.

Thanks for you words. . .

 

[Rstank]

That's an interesting point of view, Rstank. I agree that the unrefined parts are the true and soulful parts, I'd never felt better than when I didn't have any obligations, did what made me happy all of the time.

I see myself eventually letting go and taking the plunge...I feel that nothing has ever suited me better. For right now in my life though...I have an obligation and I can not just wander. After that obligation is passed though, I can see myself living the way you speak of. Just some shit I gotta go through first.

Thanks for you words. . .

of course and ill be waiting for that day to come and embrace you....i understand obligation its not right untill its right premature action can spoil a life.....but i see that flame of passion that burns in your words and in your heart my heart carries a very similar fire......tred light tred fast get it done then have fun!