First, I just need to vent a bit so please forgive the self obsessed notions of this post...
My mom had a 4 yr absolutely brutal battle with cancer and lost the fight a couple years ago. She was a die hard Christmas nut, 70 moving boxes of Christmas crap had to come out of the attic every year right after Thanksgiving and back up right after new years. We had a strong family who all lived on the same ranch, and Christmas was a very big deal.
During the cancer, and especially over the last two years since her passing, the family has disintegrated. My dad started renting rooms to meth-whores from "established gentlemen dot com") and letting them steal or sell everything the family owned and valued so they would pretend to like him.
He threw me, my sister, and her two minor kids into the street with 1 week's notice when we said didn't like the junkies shooting up and calling their johns from the internet in the house and asked him to make them leave.
He had some neurological issues after being in a serious car accident so the family just kind of wrote him off as "crazy since mom died", but then he seemed to come to his senses (after one girl and her boyfriend broke into his safe, stole 5k in cash, guns, legal docs, jewelry, and a bunch of other stuff from the house.) He threw out the prostitutes and asked me to move back in (I had been living in a trailer with an extension cord for electricity) and help him out, I was there for a week before he moved in a new prostitute (totally twacked out) and threw me out again for calling him on it. I cursed myself for making the mistake of trusting him again.
I had managed to save enough for an apartment, but it's lonely and very expensive, I miss my big family and our Christmas traditions. I miss my mom and the person my dad used to be. I think soon financially, I'll have to make the choice to head out again to some new random place, which isn't as easy at 47 as it was at 26, and every Christmas song that plays just brings me down... I cant hear a Elvis Christmas song (mom's favorite album) without tearing up.
I think I'm starting to despise the holidays.
My mom had a 4 yr absolutely brutal battle with cancer and lost the fight a couple years ago. She was a die hard Christmas nut, 70 moving boxes of Christmas crap had to come out of the attic every year right after Thanksgiving and back up right after new years. We had a strong family who all lived on the same ranch, and Christmas was a very big deal.
During the cancer, and especially over the last two years since her passing, the family has disintegrated. My dad started renting rooms to meth-whores from "established gentlemen dot com") and letting them steal or sell everything the family owned and valued so they would pretend to like him.
He threw me, my sister, and her two minor kids into the street with 1 week's notice when we said didn't like the junkies shooting up and calling their johns from the internet in the house and asked him to make them leave.
He had some neurological issues after being in a serious car accident so the family just kind of wrote him off as "crazy since mom died", but then he seemed to come to his senses (after one girl and her boyfriend broke into his safe, stole 5k in cash, guns, legal docs, jewelry, and a bunch of other stuff from the house.) He threw out the prostitutes and asked me to move back in (I had been living in a trailer with an extension cord for electricity) and help him out, I was there for a week before he moved in a new prostitute (totally twacked out) and threw me out again for calling him on it. I cursed myself for making the mistake of trusting him again.
I had managed to save enough for an apartment, but it's lonely and very expensive, I miss my big family and our Christmas traditions. I miss my mom and the person my dad used to be. I think soon financially, I'll have to make the choice to head out again to some new random place, which isn't as easy at 47 as it was at 26, and every Christmas song that plays just brings me down... I cant hear a Elvis Christmas song (mom's favorite album) without tearing up.
I think I'm starting to despise the holidays.