BREAKING LOCAL NEWS: GG Allin Lookalike Spotted at Every Christmas Tree Lot (1 Viewer)

Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
20
Website
www.organsinmain.tumblr.com
December 19, 2015 Music, Lifestyle, News
GG Allin Lookalike Spotted at Every Christmas Tree Lot
unnamed11.jpg

5.0kSHARES

USA – A recent spike in GG Allin sightings has been linked to Christmas tree lots sprouting up around the nation, according to Christmas tree lot owner Michelle Kilmer.

Customers are understandably upset and have left scathing Yelp! reviews describing their experience.

“I was going down to Coleman’s Family Tree to pick up a Christmas tree with my wife and two kids. We found the perfect tree, but then out of nowhere this guy comes over covered in scabs and missing teeth, and would not stop staring at my 11-year-old daughter. He did do a great job strapping the tree to the van though,”Denver resident Jack Unger said.

Christmas tree lot owners across America are stressing that consumers have nothing to worry about when buying their perfect tree. According to the owners, these men are only lookalikes and not the actual bloody, shit-coveredfrontman who was known for urinating all over his fans.

Related: GG Allin Hologram to Throw Feces at Coachella 2016

“We offer job opportunities to a lot of ex-convicts looking to turn their life around. These men have been dealt a rough hand and we feel that it’s in the spirit of the season to not only give gifts, but second chances,” Kilmer said, adding, “but, yeah, I totally get it, these guys look like they would defecate into their hands and throw it at you.”

Article by The Hard Times Staff
 
We sell all kinds of other stuff in our Etsy store!

Users who are viewing this thread

About us

  • Squat the Planet is the world's largest social network for misfit travelers. Join our community of do-it-yourself nomads and learn how to explore the world by any means necessary.

    More Info

Support StP!

Donations go towards paying our monthly server fees, adding new features to the website, and occasionally putting a burrito in Matt's mouth.

Total amount
$100.00
Goal
$100.00

Monthly Goals

  1. Paying the Bills
    $50.00 of $50.00 - reached!
    The first $50 in donations go towards paying our monthly server fees and adding new features to the website. Once this goal is reached, we'll see about feeding Matt that burrito.
  2. Buy Matt a Beer
    $75.00 of $75.00 - reached!
    Now that we have the bills paid for this month, let's give Matt a hearty thank you by buying him a drink for all the hard work he's done for StP. Hopefully this will help keep him from going insane after a long day of squishing website bugs.
  3. Feed Matt a Burrito
    $100.00 of $100.00 - reached!
    Now that the bills are paid and Matt has a beer in his hand, how about showing him your love by rewarding all his hard work with a big fat burrito to put in his mouth. This will keep him alive while programming new features for the website.
  4. Finance the Shopping Cart
    $100.00 of $200.00
    Now that the bills are paid and Matt is fed, perhaps it's time to start planning for those twilight years under the bridge... if only he had that golden shopping cart all the oogles are bragging about these days.