*yawn*
*"our shelters...", not are
The monetary value of are lives is as worthless as the dirt we sleep in
Again with the our/are.
Also, what are you trying to say? Who's saying that our lives have a monetary value? And why would you assume we all sleep in dirt? Are you from Africa or something?
leaving us more vulnerable to natural selection.
I don't understand what you're saying. How does all of this make us vulnerable to natural selection? Can you explain this more clearly?
Yet we still quarrel, pulling our selves from the ashes of our tattered human existence
So now you're introducing this subject of quarreling...and somehow, our quarreling pulls us up from our existence...thus - quarreling saves us from destruction? Is that what you're saying?
And please NEVER use "the ashes of our tattered human existence" again. What are you, 17? Have you been listening to some AFI lately?
Please enlighten me what's so "tattered" about our existence? On second thought, please don't....
we evolve from the ash a Phoenix,
wat
the flames from our wings brighter than the surface of the sun,
Besides being egregiously flowery, what does this have to do with anything else?
our screams like the cry's of a banshee will be heard from across the globe.
I sure as hell won't be screaming. Who is the group you're referring to with "our"? And why is that group screaming in the first place?
With every passing sun the wolf-pack will grow
That's completely irrelevant to everything.
by night fall we will lash from our dens at the throats of our foe
So your mystery group of people have magically transformed from human to mythological bird to wolf?
And who the fuck is your enemy? There's more ambiguity in this that there is in a transgender studies class.
for we need to nourish our selves spiritually as we may soar free
And you're back to bird creature again...
What are you trying to say in this piece? What are you trying to convey? I can assume you're making some grandiose statement about anarchy, since it's in this forum - but how would a reader know what you're talking about if this were standing alone on the pages of a zine?
This lacks depth, subject, and coherence. I recommend you read
The Elements of Style to better your writing.
Keep trying!