You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
50 ways to leave your lover
Can't really advise on your situation without knowing all the details(not necessarily wanting to know all the details, just saying it's hard to give advice absent of details). Idk if you're leaving her completely destitute, or if she made some major sacrifices to be with you this entire time and you're kinda putting her out in a sense. There could be a number of factors that would make dipping out on her kinda douchee at this moment. Wouldn't wanna say yeah you should dip, given so many unknown variables right.
But generally speaking.. I really feel like monogamy is rather unnatural for our species to navigate. It's so fucking complicated, you have to make all these trade-offs and compromise dreams, plans, etc. It works for some people but it isn't for everyone. I was married 14 years and I don't regret leaving. I feel like I did her a favor, truth be told. I observed during each of our breakups she'd always make some really good moves in career advancement and education. We'd get back together and I just felt like an anchor holding her back from her potential.
You can be sexually compatible, completely enamored with someone, the passion is there..all your love and guts you really care about this person greatly but you're just on two separate paths in life and no matter how much you love them or they love you.. resentment/regret can still absolutely enter the picture if you're both seeing your futures differently. That's some challenging shit to work with. I don't think many marriages are short of one person or the other making sacrifices.
To touch on some of the things you've said more directly- I have felt the same way as you've described more or less, wanting to shed all possessions and just hit the fucking road with nothing but what's in my pack, recharge the batteries of my soul with each state line I cross and every new friendship formed. Some of those experiences were 100% worth leaving it all behind and some of them were for sure huge mistakes.
Not many things feel worse on the road than reaching some point in your journey where you lose all those positive good feelings and hopes that tonight's events or tomorrow will bring joy, that the next city will be amazing.. you just don't even want to go on any further and wish you'd never left. Completely defeated by the road. It's pretty fucking awful, I've experienced it a couple times. I've also had trips that were straight up life changing in every which way imaginable for the better.
Idk man, you got some decisions to make for sure. I will say this; You're choosing to hitchhike at probably the worst time ever in the history of automobiles to stick a thumb out on the road. Covid has changed every city you intend to visit. I left in early March before it all shut down. I had these awesome expectations of New Orleans, as the last time I was there it was the best of times. I had high hopes for Austin. I planned on raging so hard with
@Matt Derrick. I had some great plans to camp for a week with
@SlankyLanky near Richmond.
I had it all visualized, it was going to be an absolutely stellar road trip. From central California I made it to Slab City for the first time.
@Jerrell was the best of field guides and we had fun but what I had expected to experience at Slabs just absolutely didn't come to fruition at all. Many camps were quarantined down, met with folded arms rather than warm hugs. No fault of theirs, that's just covid things right. They were reacting to it and as a result my Slab City visit wasn't what I'd looked forward to it being like.
I pushed on and reached Flagstaff and learned of the shutdowns while at a bar with
@Coywolf and from that moment on the entire trip was 180 degrees off from what I had in my head before having left California. That's not to say we didn't make the best of it and still have good times, we definitely did but.. it was still incredibly hindered by Covid19 changes.
So before you leave, try to erase any preconceived notions or memories you have of the places you plan on going. I'll put it like this; I was in New Orleans on Halloween, 2007. That was my last memory of the place, it was a blast. I didn't necessarily expect Halloween level New Orleans in March, but I for damn sure never expected to be standing on St. Ann & Bourbon at 9pm literally not one single soul in sight aside from
@EphemeralStick as far as we could see in both directions down both streets.
Everything has changed. I'm not trying to talk you out of going, but you should at very least consider the times we're in and all that comes with Covid.