# wtf have i gotten myself into.



## LeeevinKansas (Apr 7, 2011)

seriously people especially my woman really dont get me when it comes to feelings, emotions, etc. yea yea im a guy but im a freedom lovin hippy who wanders around in the country. the city aint my thing. people here are dicks and are all like government lovin fools. fuckin hate that shit.

anyways so ive been delaying hitchhiking for about a year now. theres other posts on here about how i stayed in the woods for like 3 weeks and was constantly livin with random fuckin people, sometimes family or relatives, friends, strangers. basically living on the streets during the day and (i hate how that sound...livin on the streets *scoff* ) and crashin with wherever i could. this went on for about 7 months. then i finally got a job. but i left after a month. i wanted the FUCK out of here. seriously man i hate this shit. i dont want the life all those "normal" people have. ive thought about this shit for like years man, all my life, i aint a stranger to the war on hippies, and the governments, and religion u know. ive been around the block hundreds if not millions of times. i understand this shit. i grew up around it. 

anyways i bout a bus ticket to des moines iowa, cuz i chilled with some college kid in some town there called Maxwell. been meaning to go back for a long time. cuz we had good times together and its a lonely state. great for solitary life. the life of a hermit. somethin like that. anyways i never went. i ended up eventually meeting my lady. and heres where shit went to hell.

i knew full well if i got a woman id be fucked. theyd drag me down more than likely to some lifestyle i dont want. my mind my heart my soul my lifestyle who i am my beliefs everything says NO FUCK THAT. i do what i want. and ive been puttin it off for so fucking long. i wanna get the fuck out and hitchhike. 

Ive already tried leavin like 5 times. she found out about it one of the times. almost left me. as badly as wanted to elave i couldnt bring myself to just leave her. then we eventually ended up livin together for like 6 months almost now. feels like 2 or 3 years for me especially, because i chose to remain single prior to meeting her for like 2 years.....

and she knows i wanna be free. u know. free from all the daily drama and bs cuz thats what it is. city life bullshit. im not running from responsibility for one. we have no kids, and we're just bf/gf. aint married . but everytime i try i just cant do it. shes my wife basically but unmarried. u know 6 month aint long but when uve never been livin with someone, largely because i move around too much u know. and then bam u get into this relationship, and slowly by surely u just cantleave.


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## LeeevinKansas (Apr 7, 2011)

and as i was saying im not running from a responsibility, as many old conservatives and folk like that put it, im running from what someone else has preplanned for me to be my responsibilities, and in other words, someone elses preplanned life. meaningi cant be me. i cant be me. the point of my lifevis to be happy, and i know how to be happy, but i cant do it living in the city. i need to be out wandering out. i got wanderlust bad. i know ppl say man just leave her. theres others out there. but hey im done with searching. i mean sometimes im like fuck that ims tayin with her, but when i hear the sounds of the interstate just beyond me, and the sound of trains blowing past and honkin in the middle of the night, that shits calling me. i love my woman. fuck u if u think i dont know love. why do u think i cant bring myself to leave? im not sure the point of posting this but u know.................


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## LeeevinKansas (Apr 7, 2011)

but then she sits there and says shes gonna go hitchin with me or rvn after the beet harvest if that ends up being real good. i wont leave is wha ti tell my self, but my heart feels otherwise sometimes. i dunno anymore.


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## Diagaro (Apr 7, 2011)

Yea Wemens are trouble. get a dog.
A stupid southerner told me "lock your dog and woman in the trunk for a wile keep the one who is happy to see you"
Duke and I had an argument before I went to sleep the other day and when I woke up he was gone. Today when I saw him in the pound His whole body was wagging and he was yipping with joy, broke my goddamn heart. He never barks, let alone yips. I've never heard him vocalise before.


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## sons of vipers (Apr 7, 2011)

Diagaro said:


> "lock your dog and woman in the trunk for a wile keep the one who is happy to see you"


haha! i really like this. thats a good one!


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## venusinpisces (Apr 7, 2011)

LeeevinKansas said:


> why do u think i cant bring myself to leave? ..


 Probably because you have a very solid relationship and that's not something to throw away lightly. It can be hard to find someone you're compatible with on that level and even "normal" people have a hard time with it. I can't tell you what the right decision is but think long and hard because she's obviously important to you. My advice, if you want it: this girl sounds fairly responsible and it's easy to slip into the pattern of seeing someone like this as a symbol of the "establishment".
Don't do this. It will come back to bite you years down the road when you're missing her. If you can take her with you, then try to be productive and have adventures instead getting intoxicated all the time. Not saying this is what you'll do but that's what a lot of travelers get stuck in and any responsible person will get tired of this pattern very quickly. And if you do need to separate, don't burn any bridges. End things gracefully and *don't blow off the lease*! That way there's always a chance you can get back together at a later point. Just continue to develop yourself as a person and don't stagnate--then you'll have something to offer her the next time you connect. Sorry about all the don'ts.  Also worth mentioning is the fact that most girls who travel are very independent so good luck finding a stable relationship with them--you may be looking for a long time based on what I've seen. If there's any chance you can snatch your girl up and move to a more interesting place after traveling a bit then that may be a better solution. 


LeeevinKansas said:


> and as i was saying im not running from a responsibility, as many old conservatives and folk like that put it, im running from what someone else has preplanned for me to be my responsibilities, and in other words, someone elses preplanned life. meaningi cant be me. i cant be me. the point of my lifevis to be happy.


I do know what you mean about living a preplanned life because I've always felt that way, even when I was very young. But once you step off that path things will get a lot more challenging, since the pre-planned system will reward people for conforming to the plan and punish those who don't. I would recommend finding a bigger goal in life besides being happy. Give yourself a challenge because that's the only way you'll grow. Good luck whatever you do!


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## Deleted member 2962 (Apr 16, 2011)

do what you need to do for yourself. don't change your plans for other people. the rest will follow.


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