# When you love somebody more than they love you



## psychofoamer

Got an awesome lady friend/road dog, but I'm starting to think I'm investing more feeling and emotion in the whole thing than she is. How do y'all deal with this kind of situation. 

She has ran off on me once and we were just recently reunited again. Should I just walk away this time? Maybe she will appreciate me more if I am the one whoskes the decision to walk off this time. Give her a taste of what it's like to be tossed to the side? 

Not to sound like an emo sap here, but I really love this gal. She is awesome and I think we are really good for each other...I dunno. I have a feeling I'm just setting myself up for heartbreak again. 

I'm getting fee and being lonely sucks. It's hard to find a good gal that I can relate to these days. Oh well. At least I got my cur and trains.


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## Brother X

If you really dig her, than give it one more go. If she bails on you again, end it and never, ever go back. Everybody makes a mistake, that's human. When it repeats itself, that's a pattern.


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## Andrea Van Scoyoc

I've been married for 21 years, so feel free to ignore my advice, if you think im too old to relate, but take it from someone who has lived and learned, *always* the hard way...*walk away from anything, toxic.*

You'll be much happier.

Trust me...


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## Brother X

Yeah, I have to amend my advice: Since I don't know the details, obviously as has been said, if it's a toxic situation, walk away. However, if it's simply doubt on your part...as I said.


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## InGrindWeRust

You cant force anyone to love you. I have dealt with a girl like this and only ended up butt hurt when she ran off with another guy right in front of me. Flaky people hardly ever change.


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## buffalobill

*walk away from anything, toxic.*[/QUOTE] thats cool i agree including microwaves right haha but there will always be a possotive and a negotive to any relation ship if you arnt the plus in that situation you might be the negotive but who knows i find the thing that brings people together is a common demon and there is nothing wrong with time alone unless your wrong in the head haha jk good luck


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## Durp

Man up and talk to her about your feelings. Be honest with each other and find out how she feels. There is no man on earth that can figure what the hell is going thru a womans head. Love is a bitch. I followed my lady around for almost half a year before she finally gave me a chance, and she has admitted that she truly didn't love me until about two years in. Be a man and ask her.


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## psychofoamer

We've been verbally wrestling back and forth all day since last night. Probably parting ways soon..


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## Odin

Ain't really got anything to say... I should... but I don't.

I mean I know... but what the fucks there to do...

So

I'm gonna post anyway.

I ran across Hemingway.
And it's fucking depressing... and glorious.

So fuck it...



> The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.





> There is no lonelier man in death, except the suicide, than that man who has lived many years with a good wife and then outlived her. If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it.





> They wrote in the old days that it is sweet and fitting to die for one's country. But in modern war, there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying. You will die like a dog for no good reason.





> The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.





> There is no rule on how to write. Sometimes it comes easily and perfectly; sometimes it's like drilling rock and then blasting it out with charges.





> A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.





> Writing and travel broaden your ass if not your mind and I like to write standing up.




Heh...


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## Deleted member 2626

Bummer man. I think some of us are here to be alone most of the time. Just the way it is. But like you said still have the cur. And our dogs will always fucking be there. And I've never been annoyed by my dog more than a handful of minutes or whatever like humans do where it lasts days


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## Deleted member 2626

And its called unrequited love. Happens to most everyone takes yuppies years to realize after marriage


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## lone wolf

don't waste your time... you can't change people, if she isn't falling over herself trying to be with you then let her go.


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## Corinne

damn dude...if you feel like youre about to get heartbroken, leave. dont sit there and wait for it


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## psychofoamer

It's not that simple. I care too much. She is also my road dog. I'm not just gonna walk away in some random place. I want to at least make sure she is somewhere safe...I'm a gentleman ya know


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## psychofoamer

Trying to just find it in my heart to resent her or hate her so I would feel better about just ditching her. Hard to just start hating someone you actually love and care about...


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## iflewoverthecuckoosnest

Staying with someone who doesn't return your deep and unabiding love is an absolute bitch. It stings like a radioactive UFO shard lodged straight in your heart every time you see those little hints that they don't care. I've been there, and I can really feel for you on this one. But let me tell you, life's too short for it, dude.
Being lonely is better than being in a bad relationship, and sometimes, when you really allow yourself to be lonely, when you really allow yourself to get comfortable with "alone" you realize that it's not so bad at all. That is when you find the fortitude to wait for someone who *does* return your love, someone who is worth dedicating your whole heart to.
Anyway, what you are going to do about this situation is, of course, all up to you. If you stay, you stay, and you take on all of the baggage associated with that. If you leave, it will be difficult for a while, but you just might be opening yourself up to something a whole lot cooler than this shitty sounding relationship.


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## iflewoverthecuckoosnest

^ All of the above was said assuming that this is a toxic situation where your doubts are founded, by the way. If she really does love you and there's just some sort of insecurity going on, maybe stay and try to work it out. I'm sure you'll figure it out one way or another. Good luck!


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## psychofoamer

I've done the alone thing...most of my life actually. This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life...I'm not sure why...I'm a good guy. I treat women with respect, and am always there when needed. Why do girls like assholes? 

I guess I'm just destined to wander the world alone with my cut, and when he's gone...well I dunno. Being lonely sucks. Some people have told me, "settle down John, you'll find someone then, but the truth of the matter is that when I'm settled and housed up working, I'm more broke and lonely than in the road. Even okcupid doesn't work for me. I'm not even an ugly guy. Ranting now I guess.

Thanks for all the input


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## Andrea Van Scoyoc

Leadbellytherxrcur said:


> I've done the alone thing...most of my life actually. This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life...I'm not sure why...I'm a good guy. I treat women with respect, and am always there when needed. Why do girls like assholes?
> 
> I guess I'm just destined to wander the world alone with my cut, and when he's gone...well I dunno. Being lonely sucks. Some people have told me, "settle down John, you'll find someone then, but the truth of the matter is that when I'm settled and housed up working, I'm more broke and lonely than in the road. Even okcupid doesn't work for me. I'm not even an ugly guy. Ranting now I guess.
> 
> Thanks for all the input


Stay single. Take it from me. A dog is better company.


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## Art101

Sometimes life can be a no win situation.If she walked once,it will happen again.When you have a bad invest you take the lost and move on.I know it sucks,been there done that man.Sometimes the best you can hope for is a clean break.


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## Rob Nothing

I'd recommend a bit of hemmingway alongside Odin there on that. Excellent choice, dude.

Men Without Women is good. So is A Moveable Feast, Sun Also Rises, For Whom the Bell Tolls, The Old Man and the Sea, and Islands in the Stream.

personal fav hemmingway: 

_“Oh Jake," Brett said, "We could have had such a damned good time together."
Ahead was a mounted policeman in khaki directing traffic. He raised his baton. The car slowed suddenly, pressing Brett against me.
Yes," I said. "Isn't it pretty to think so?”_


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## Deleted member 2626

That quote is the Sun Also Rises right? Hem and the others he drank and wrote and ran around with are considered the early 1900s beat writers. I didn't particularly enjoy that book


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## Rob Nothing

I didn't know that. I considered it to be extremely enjoyable and still do. 
I relate better with writers from that era than I do with anybody living today.. maybe that's pathetic
But I'll probably go back to it one of these days and read it twice more.


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## psychofoamer

Well it's done. Parted ways yesterday. Not sure how I feel about it.


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## Deleted member 13433

Good !!

Seriously, a few years back I was going through the same thing - horrible one way relationship where I could not accept that she did not like me anymore.
It took her to up and leave - and I mean leave - like 3000 miles leave - and about two years later I realized this was a huge gift she gave me, because we both needed it to end, only I couldn't.

And when did I realize this ??
When I was in another terrible relationship where the new girl was doing to me exactly what I was doing to the girl above.

I felt terrible for all the years I caused girl number one>
I felt terrific when girl # 2 suddenly ditched me.

No more of any of that serious nonsense for me, no way....

I've got a dog, three cats, a roof over me head, and I just took delivery of a forty five year old fully restored canoe.

Life is Beautiful


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## Parker Free

Losing one thing just leaves room for something new. Keep breathing.


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## Deleted member 13433

...and that something new to me is hopefully living out my life somewhere in the north west Adirondaks or up in Canada 

Nope, sorry but I'm done with the idea of companionship, as it ain't worth it - not too mention that now my breathing has never been better


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## psychofoamer

The day we parted, someone new and wonderful came into my life


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## Parker Free

OTTERWOLF said:


> ...and that something new to me is hopefully living out my life somewhere in the north west Adirondaks or up in Canada
> 
> Nope, sorry but I'm done with the idea of companionship, as it ain't worth it - not too mention that now my breathing has never been better





Leadbellytherxrcur said:


> The day we parted, someone new and wonderful came into my life



Yep. My point being you need the mental time/room to allow new experiences and people into your life, or whatever it is you want. Get too busy dwelling on shitty stuff and you won't be able to enjoy the good stuff.


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## Deleted member 13433

Actually, you are wrong.
I am enjoying the good stuff - I went free-diving today, saw all kinds of marine life, then had a nice evening in the front yard with my dog watching the sun set....

Now I am making dinner for me and my animals.

If I am in a relationship, I have to compromise who I am and what I am about.

FYI, the last girl I was with could not believe I actually worked 40 hours a week in a factory after hearing how I am doing wildlife monitoring / rescue, river clean-up, all kinds of eco related things, not too mention hiking with my dog, swimming with my dog when it's nice out, I mean I don't stop - unless I am forced too, then I get real mad.

Every single person I've met has always tried to change me from who I am to who they want me to be.

I'm sorry, but I need to be alone.
I tried that relationship shit, and each time I was left a little more broken.

I'm now 50.

I'm done with being used.

If love with humans works with you, hey that's great - but please realize that it's not for me,

all I need is:

AIR
TREES
WATER
and ANIMALS..................


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## Parker Free

@OTTERWOLF I don't think you are understanding me, as what you are saying is the same thing I am saying.


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## Rob Nothing

Otterwolf!


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## Deleted member 2626

Otterwolf. That's a misanthrope man. I'm feeling it more and more. My greatest days and nights were spent with just me and my pooch


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## Deleted member 13433

Indeed, mine too......

I want to add that the other day - which was six months to the date that my last "wife" [we were married in nature, just not legally] dumped me in a violent rage of un-warrented hostility, I actually wrote her asking her if she was ok, and to just let her know that I had no ill feelings and was wondering how she was doing.

The reply I got surprised me, it was like all she remembered was the bad, which believe me there was [show me one relationship where everything runs perfect 100% of the time for both mates] but there was also times of absolute beauty [being in the woods in VT], times of sorrow [when her mom passed away, when her dog became quite ill, even previous martial woes from her ex, problems with her oldest kid...] and times of disagreement [we had the same ideals but saw them very differently, and while I was open to discussion, she was not] which ultimately killed us.

I was astonished that I had simply been erased - but at the same time relieved.

I posted on my Facebook account that I sincerely wished her a live full of love and blessings, while for myself I wish of a life of solitude with the air, trees, water, and animals.......

So, I still stand by what I said about how for me - how it is best to be alone, because I always love my mates more than they love me, and the hurt in the end is no longer worth it.

People - give yourself a big hug !!
Yeah, after all - you are the best fried you'll ever have


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## Deleted member 17306

> Adler On *Love*
> The word that we must examine in thinking about love is "desire." There are two modes of desire, acquisitive and benevolent, desire that leads to getting and desire that leads to giving. The word "love" is misused if it is used for acquisitive desire and, in that connection, carries the connotation of sexual desire.
> 
> Imagine a human world from which gender and sex were totally absent but everything else remained the same. If you say that you cannot imagine such a world. I must respond by saying that you do not understand the meaning of the word "love." Certainly in such a world, one would love one's country, one would love the friends one admired, and one would love God and understand what it means to say that God is love.
> 
> The Greeks and Romans had three words for the three kinds of "love". In Greek, the words are _eros_, _philila_, and _agape_. In Latin the words are _amor_, _amacita_, and _caritas_.
> 
> It is only erotic or amorous love that involves sexual desire and activity, but even erotic love is benevolent in its concern for the enjoyment of sex by the loved one. Sexual activity devoid of benevolent impulse is not love but lust, and lust, like greed, is a mortal sin.
> 
> Love is always altruistic, not selfish. Only children and childish persons ever misuse the word "love " for selfish desire, saying " I love candy" or "I love popcorn."
> 
> Love is more altruistic than justice. Justice is primarily negative, its precept being not to judge or harm others. But love is entirely positive in it precepts. Aristotle us that if all human beings were friendly, justice would not be necessary, for if they loved those whom they thought admirable, they would be benevolently disposed toward them.


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## IntrovertMatt

Walking away is easier said than done. I'm going through something similar-ish. I'm in love with my best friend and the catch is she has a boyfriend but I know she has feelings for me or at least it looks like she does, she just doesn't want to hurt anyone, unfortunately I'm the unlucky one. I've had to walk away and quit contact with her, I'm not sure how long that will last though.


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## Renegade

If someone is not willing to be emotionally invested in you and play games at the same time than whats the point of being with them? Regardless of how you feel about them, it does not change the fact that they are playing with your emotions. I'd say can her and find someone willing to be real with you.


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## zipty6425

Agreed. Otterwolf I feel your pain man. Some people only see what they want to see... I have an ex like that. I felt like I did everything I possibly could to make her happy. I bought her everything she asked for. I bent over backwards and jumped thru hoops... When it came to an end, I remembered the relationship as a beautiful connection, with romantic walks, peaceful conversations, just reasonable understanding of each other with the best of intentions... Dude later she came back with all kinds of insanity about emotional and mental abuse and like every bad and negative thing you could create with every senerio... Apparently who she is, and who I thought she was, are two very different people.

Sent from my Z716BL using the Squat the Planet mobile app!


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