# Hard Times and Confusing Conditions.



## Ravie (Nov 17, 2008)

yeah I'm actually great in school. I was aiming for a diploma but i cant fucking stand it anymore. so I'm going for the equivalency test. I got a 5150 at my ISP school for kicking a tree and screaming fuck so they shipped me down to sacramento to live with my dad who passed away last week. So now I'm stuck with an evil step mother and her brat son. 

This continuation school im going to is in the shitty part of town and they treat the kids there like inmates. I'm the only white chick at my school that isnt a ghetto rat so i get fucked with all the time by peers. I'm known as the "crazy ass white girl" because i tried to fight a big black dude that got in my face. After yelling at him to hit me and smacking my face he pussied out and sat down. The first week I was in school I was in the office EVERYDAY for stupid shit like telling someone whos trying to grab my ass to fuck off. On top of all that the teachers figure because im a good student i would make a good snitch. I constantly get asked what people say or what happened. I just shrug and say nothing but its irritating to the max. Then, because my dad died the staff thinks that they want to all be saints(so they can say they helped the girl with the dead dad) and try to give me advise on how to handle things and that i can talk to them anytime but instead it turns into me giving them an intellectual lecture on life. This school is so badly on lockdown we cant check our e-mail at school.

So my present issue is i can either live with my drunk fuck step mom who is verbally abusive to only me, wait 4 months for my mom to move to sac and live with her(but she has choked me in the past), (somehow) find a job and live on my own, or some other alternative.

I'm so confused. it hasnt even been 2 weeks since my dad passed and my step mom is already telling me "her house isnt a fucking hotel for me" and trying to tell people i never loved my dad( who was the only person blood related i ever respected and loved). I think she either hates me or booze turns jackel into hide(or whatever)...

so yeah. And Ive spent 11 months trying my hardest to find work. nothing. so i feel very backed into a corner. any advise?


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## finn (Nov 17, 2008)

In the past, UPS and Fedex used to be sure bets, especially during this time of year, but now I'm a bit pessimistic because one of the big courier companies DTW or something like that will be laying off a bunch of workers in january or february. Try them anyway? You could always try for college, get a scholarship or go into a debt that you don't plan on paying back, and then that's four years of relative stability as long as your college doesn't get destroyed or anything.


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## Ravie (Nov 17, 2008)

college, yes i do have enough college funding to where i would never have to pay a cent off myself. But i dont just want to go to college and mooch off someone. and i cant drive for UPS or the post office because i have no license. But I am already starting college classed in january so one foot in the door on that.


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## Ravie (Nov 19, 2008)

yeah I'm starting a city college in january. I decided to take photography.


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## derekja (Nov 19, 2008)

Hang in there. I don't have any great brilliant advice or anything, but it gets better than high school. Shit, almost anything is better than high school.

Don't do college just to do college, though. The job market for new college grads is only marginally better than without a college degree unless you do something specific like nursing where the degree is necessary to what you want to do.

If you can get money for college you can probably get money for all sorts of fun trade schools just as easily. I went to wooden boatbuilding school a few years ago and learned more neat carpentry in a year than I had any right to expect.

My life got better when I quit trying to find family in people I just happened to share a few genes with as well.


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## macks (Nov 19, 2008)

About the delivery service job.. most of the time they hire temp workers for the holiday season just to help out the driver.. a buddy of mine worked that job through the month of December one year just sitting in the little passenger seat and going up to doors dropping things off. 

So, I don't think you need a license, at least for some of them.

Sounds like a tough spot, best of luck


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## katiehabits (Nov 19, 2008)

i feel for you lady. if you've got some friends in town that would let you crash on their couch for a while i would do that while looking for a job. i've lived in weird places so even if your friends have a landry room or a closet big enough to lay down in just live there. & i know it sucks but if you really need the money get a fast food job. they'll hire anyone pretty much. good luck with school & keep doing it if you need it to do what you want to. i droped out in grade 9 cuz i didn't see my future needing a high school depoma.
good luck


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## Ravie (Nov 21, 2008)

yeah. my problem is i live in sacramento, and here we are over populated and there is ABSOULTELY NO work. Ive applied for anywhere and everywhere. But it's fine. I'll get through it. Todays my dad's funeral at 1pm so i better jump in the shower. But my main anchor to this town is that i have an amazing boyfriend. We dont plan on leaving until like this summer or next spring. And all i know is i wont leave him behind.


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## Matt Derrick (Nov 22, 2008)

damn, i feel for ya there as well. personally, that sounds like a fucked up living situation that you should just get as far away from as possible. the college thing is okay, but i feel like most people should wait until their at least 24, then you become financially independent in the eyes of finanancial aid institutions. aaannnd... you can go explore and learn about the world in the meantime.


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## Ravie (Nov 23, 2008)

i need not financial aid. i am blessed with an amazing amound of college funding. But college is just giving me an excuse to not toss what all that ive worked for that if i just leave will be hard to get back. I want to be stable, but i dont. i wish i could just travel for a while and come back to what i have but it doesnt work like that. especially in my family if i go travel the respect levels ive earned will go to shit and i'm not sure my spouse can hold up traveling. he's had kind of a clean comfortable life(that i know of). he says he would go for a couple months, but i dont think he would enjoy it in the end.... i'm going nuts. everyone is trying to force me to commit to where im going to live, who im living with, and such. Now that i'm finally stable for the first time in my life the boats sinking slowly. should i swim myself and take a chance or rely on someone else to save me before it goes under?

I'm extremely independent, making it much harder on myself than it would normally be if i just embraced being a minor. But thats how i was raised. if your not taking care of yourself, your a pain in the ass. Ive taken complete care of myself since i was 9 (other than basic housing and food) I might be confusing help with getting in debt with people.
not sure.

im very stressed


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## deshi_kicks (Nov 23, 2008)

Sorry about your dad passing on you. I have lost seven friends, but I know losing 100 can't even compare to losing a parent.

Anyway, I'm in a sort of similar position. I can't find a job, and my parents are on me about finding one since I got my GED a few months ago. We don't live around very much at all, and nothing is hiring around me right now. I would go to MMI if I could afford it. My parents said it was their job to put me through college, until they found out where I wanted to go. My position now, I'm turning 18 on 12/20, and I have a very strong feeling that once that happens I'm going to here "get a job or get out". I will be taking option 2. But at the same time, for me its a life decision. I made the mistake of telling my mom I wanted to travel, she told me if I leave I can never come back.

Reason for me telling you this is to say, whatever decision you make, think it all the way through, because even if you don't know it at the time it can be a life changing choice, and that change isn't always good. If you can go to college and have the money then my advice would be go to college. However if you take "some other alternative" which I don't know what that means but, for example if it was to just dip out like I'm gonna do, then that gets into your head. When you feel like you have nowhere to go but to run, making the choice to run is easy, I suggest taking the hard road.


I know most likely none of that at all helped but, I don't really know what else to say and I tried to help so yeah. Anyways sorry if reading that just wasted your time.


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## Ravie (Nov 23, 2008)

*sigh* thank you for trying but telling me "how it is" i dont need. Ive traveled. ive been homeless. Ive been in the shittiest of situations. The only thing i havent seen is someone get killed. everything else, as horrible as it was, i have witnessed and in some ways participated in. I know what to expect in every option. thats the problem. it's pretty much, take the shitty route, take the other shitty route, or take the destructive route. I would not like the last option because ive been there and dont like it, but if im cornered into it i'll be forced to stick it out on my own and hopefully make it out okay. But as i said, i am beyond my years and dont need to be told of life although i do appriciate the thought


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## deshi_kicks (Nov 23, 2008)

Yeah I was feeling kind of shitty when I wrote that. Acoustic song + certain memories + me = feel like shit. Wasn't trying to tell you about life or anything like that, even though I know you know already, I just felt like I had to say choose your path carefully etc. I like to try and help people I guess, even though its always a fail


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## Ravie (Nov 23, 2008)

It's just odd for me looking to others for advise. Normally I know the right path and know how to give advise on almost any subject. My emotions confuse my logic i guess.


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## Beegod Santana (Nov 23, 2008)

There's plenty of work in mendo right now. Just avoid willits. If you stand out front of any safeway with a sign saying "looking for a day of work" you'll be handling sticky scissors in no time. Just be ready for some cold nights.


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## Ravie (Nov 24, 2008)

*sigh* on top of everything the old bitch of a step mom is screaming at me nightly. allways after a few drinks of course.


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