# Leaving is hard but sometimes you have to



## SpaceDirt (Jul 2, 2015)

Just over a year ago I honestly though I'd be with him forever. And I think he knew I had that mindset, well it's dangerous. He started destroying my things.. record player.. my art.. etc. In his defense he was recovering from a H addiction which had literally destroyed his life and lost everything. So I stuck it out. I stuck out the guitar being thrown at me and putting a hole in the wall (he claims it wasn't "at me") but it was about six inches from my face. Plants had gotten thrown at me, and alone with these extreme fits of rage anything that was glass or could break would be broken against the wall. And every time these things happened it was because of something "I did".. supposedly. I drove this person to work and back everyday, I cleaned up every shit show, just to have it happen again. I moved from one city to another for this person, I quit my job (he insisted), then I dropped out of college for him. But nothing was good enough. And it never will be.

I'm sharing my story because there are so many other people in similar situations. And I'm learning that is not what love is regardless how many times they may say it is to you. They LOVE you right? And you give up everything, but don't even receive a thank you in return. They take your money, your soul, and your dignity by the end. You become isolated and start to defend these behaviors with excuses; 'Oh he was just mad, its okay.' 'It was my fault.. I asked that.' 'I'm a shitty person so who cares.' Reality is I doubt any of those things are true.

So it's been a year since we started living together. It was all so warm and loving in the beginning.. Then I think he realized no matter what he did I wouldn't leave. I found out from another person he was uh.. well lying about somethings I found in his jacket while I was looking for a lighter. Relapsing is a thing yes, but if they are going to lie to you about it time and time again.. while you wait and kiss their ass. This person started to not come home anymore.. He was gone for a week, where? I still don't know because he never told me. That is not a relapse. I am not someone who ever judges addictions or other problems because life happens. But when someone who begins to lie and act like a jackass towards you.. You cannot save them. The only one who can is themselves. If someone ever says "Why are you happy? You should be miserable!" You run. Because they probably thrive off you being miserable.

I respect the person so much who came forward to me about everything I was being lied too; EVERYTHING came out. I had been being lied to my face over and over again for months. The crazy one decided he was going to beat the shit out of the third person because he found out I was told some things. There is nothing more important than surrounding yourself with good people who will try to bring you the moon if it meant helping save your sanity. Do not settle for shitty people. There is a lot more to this story but I am not going to get that into it at this moment ha.

To everyone who's every been abused in anyway.. You are a strong motherfucker. The ones who made you you depressed, tried to control you, told you everything is your fault, made you feel that way... Are insecure weak people. Sometimes it sucks to have to run, sometimes that is your only way out. I gave up my "life" again this week due to this person. And oh trust me you will be sad, it will suck to some extent, BUT then you realize that wasn't a life at all. And I'm sure there were amazing great times with that person, there was love at one point but not anymore. Take those moments for moments, and the experience, because they were good times.. Take them put them away, cherish them for what they WERE but do not let them keep you in a shit situation. If anyone needs to talk, needs support, I am here. No judgement only support.

PS: sorry for the novel.


SECOND THING UPDATE: So two people know where I am. I am extremely hesitant to reach out to my best friend.. Due to them either freaking out on me due to the situation, OR possibly giving my phone number and telling people where I am.. Which is something I do not need to happen right now. Rock and a hard spot :/


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## Tude (Jul 2, 2015)

It is good to realize your "novel". And grow from it!

Personally my ex husband controlled me from day one of just going out on a date (I was one hell of a shy girl who didn't say boo - ha not like how I am now). I realized I followed behind him, had to tug on his shirt in a bar to take me home as I had to go to work in the morning or even better - thought I got his attention and was oh so happy and was talking to him and the ahole was just taking a sip of his beer and thinking before he turned to his friends again - I was a silent mute. Oh man. Several years until I learned the word NO. eff off - NO. and I've been a betta witch ever since. And pleased. And feel totally better about myself - I hope you do as well. Mine was just verbal/mental cruelty. But he got his just rewards from an ex girlfriend of his when he spent nearly 8 years in prison.


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## Andrea Van Scoyoc (Jul 2, 2015)

Sometimes you have to let go of who you are, to become who you will be.

That's a paraphrase of a postcard on my fridge.

Survive, no matter what it takes. Just put one foot in front of the other.

When you finally stop and look up, you'll be surprised how far you've gone.

Good luck.


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## Tude (Jul 2, 2015)

^^ This. and said well.


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## Durp (Jul 2, 2015)

You seem like a grade a woman. Any man crazy enough to treat you like that should be castrated. Please don't settle for shitty scum bags any more, they will bring you nothing but pain. Find a real man, one that provides and cares for you, and supports you.


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## iflewoverthecuckoosnest (Jul 3, 2015)

I have absolutely dealt with this. I've found myself in abusive relationships. I am currently watching a good friend of mine stay in one, which is sad as fuck. 
I don't want to go into too much detail. We were only together for a short time before he started being violent toward me, but I was already madly and deeply in love with him. Sometimes you have to learn to love yourself, though. He got so far as shoving me before I decided it was time to hit the road. I gritted my teeth, dug in my heels, and stayed the hell away forever. He spent a year begging me to come back, but I still said no. I was done being put down, threatened, and humiliated. 
All in all, it was an absolutely shattering experience, but I am stronger today than I ever was before. 
I hope to fall in love with someone who is good for me; someone who respects me, loves me, and honors me. In the meantime, I will focus on falling in love with life itself. There is no hurry.


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## iflewoverthecuckoosnest (Jul 3, 2015)

You're strong for leaving, Snop! Just keep trucking. I may not know you, but I do know that no one deserves to be treated like they are less than human, especially not by someone who claims to love them. You're nobody's punching bag.


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