# Military Dragon Ride



## NickCofphee (Oct 5, 2009)

A tale by Nick Cofphee.

Note: All characters in this are made up. The places aren't real. Any relation to actual people is entirely coincidental. Dragons don't exist, they are not a metaphor for anything that does exist. And so on....

The great and noble Sir Coffee needed to get back to his kingdom of SoCalia to serve the king. But alas! His horse was stolen at sword point by bandits in the village of West Colton! To his luck he met a group of drifters.

"My good men and women. I am the great Sir Coffee. My luck seems to have escaped me. I am stranded here in this village and need to get back to my king! Can you lend me your horse? You will forever be rewarded by the king for your kindness."

The group spoke: "Sir Coffee, alas! We have no horse to loan you for we are but poor and humble tramps. We have something greater and more powerful than a horse. A magnificent steel dragon! It's power exceeds any horse you have ever ridden. It's speed is like lightning. It's strength is that of the Gods. But caution must be used as it is guarded by the one we call "the bull". But the bull is but a fool! His strength is exceeded by his stupidity and poor eyes! We are also traveling your way to the township of Yuma. We can show you how to harness and ride the magnificent steel dragon for your quest to the king must be served! "

During their wait, many steel dragons past. But the group could not board them for they were moving too fast and the group had several dogs. "We must wait until nightfall to move to a better spot in which to board the steel dragon." 

Upon nightfall they moved. Alas, a steel dragon came! The one known as Dirty spoke "With haste, we must board! This particular steel dragon is only able to be ridden upon the eyes, for it is known as an autorack dragon."

Sir Coffee and the group moved quickly to the eyes of the dragon. Dirty spoke again "Perhaps it isn't wise to ride this dragon, for we have dogs and it would be a great misfortune to be put in the dungeon and have our dogs taken away. Those who control this dragon will probably check the eye we are riding in."

"Alas, Dirty! For you are but a fool! We must board this dragon at once for the king awaits my arrival! But against my better judgment, I shall listen to your words and keep patient for the next steel dragon to come."

During their wait, Sir Coffee and the group drank bottles of hops known to the group as 'The Ice of Natty." Dirty spotted a wagon carrying a crew of workers. "That wagon is carrying those whom will ride the eyes of the steel dragon! Alas, our wait is short for the next steel dragon!"

The bull was seen roaming up and down the path, seemingly to await the coming dragon. And then the dragon came. It was a unique dragon, filled with wagons of military sorts; humvess, tanks, and first aid wagons.....

Sir Coffee spoke "Our wait is no more, for we shall ride this steel dragon, nar?" But the group was against such meanderings. "Sir Coffee, you are a great and noble servent of the king, but you mustn't ride this dragon, for it is the most powerful and most guarded dragon of all: The Military Dragon. See with your own eyes, the bull pays much attention to this one and the ones who ride the eyes carry powerful cannons that can be held in their hands, and can put holes in you even through your chainmail! This dragon is flying into the enemies layer, which is even more powerfully guarded. If you are caught you will at once be put into a dungeon and never seen from again!"

At this Sir Coffee was outraged "You cowards! You are but traitors to my king! For you are stopping me from boarding my dragon to my kingdom. I ask you once more to join me."

The one known as Daniel spoke "My comrades, we must stop Sir Coffee from boarding the dragon, for he is dizzy with the Ice of Natty and will be shot by cannon fire or dungeoned!"

There was much debate and the group knew they could never stop the great and noble Sir Coffee from doing what he wants. "You are a brave man Sir Coffee. We give to you are blessings and wish you luck on your quest to the king!"

Sir Coffee drank one last swig of the Ice of Natty and moved with stealth and haste through the woods to board the dragon. He came upon it boarded a part known as a humvee and settled in, just as the dragon breathed air out his nostrils for flight.

And then the dragon was off! Upon passing his comrades, Sir Coffee yelled "Write me in the dungeon if I don't make it through!"

The dragon was fast, but quiet as there was much metal and cushioning in the humvee. He found it much more cramped than expected though.

And the dragon was a kind one, for it slowed down and stopped right in Sir Coffee's kingdom (instead of overshooting it and landing in Mecca or Niland as most dragons do. Or so he was told..)

But alas! Upon looking out the window of the humvee, Sir Coffee noted a local sheriff patrolling the dragon up and down with his wagon. He thinks it was due to the dragon being a target of those who wish to harm the dragon by fire and bomb and not because of Sir Coffee being seen. But of course Sir Coffee is swift and knows his homeland very well and darted with haste into the woods where he escaped the sheriff without being seen.

After the dragon finished it's rest, it left and Sir Coffee walked up to a bridge where he would spend the night's rest. He was later woken up by more sherrifs with torches in their hands which they rudely flashed into his eyes. "Sir, have you seen any dragons past lately, or any children around? We got a report from the rider of one that some children were throwing rocks at it from here." Sir Coffee was quite tired and angered. "No you fools, for I have been asleep and saw no children and many dragons pass through here all the time!" To Sir Coffee's dismay, the sherrifs thanked him and left without any more bullshit.

And that is the tale of the great and noble Sir Coffee's return to his kingdom!


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## farmer john (Oct 5, 2009)

applause 

very nice story and writing style


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## finn (Oct 5, 2009)

Hark! I have much enjoyed this tale of woe, chivalry, and reckless courage and skill of that knight. May we hear more of his noble travels!


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## NickCofphee (Oct 6, 2009)

finn said:


> Hark! I have much enjoyed this tale of woe, chivalry, and reckless courage and skill of that knight. May we hear more of his noble travels!



Hmmm, I should make a Sir Coffee series. It was a lot of fun writing that! That Sir Coffee is one cool dude to have rode a humvee.


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## farmer john (Oct 6, 2009)

NickCofphee said:


> Hmmm, I should make a Sir Coffee series. It was a lot of fun writing that! That Sir Coffee is one cool dude to have rode a humvee.



it would make a sweet zine series


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## genghis braun (Oct 6, 2009)

that was awesome. I'd love to see a sir coffee series!


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## connerR (Oct 7, 2009)

i lol'd. great story. definitely make a series!


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