# Bridging monogamy & polyamory to rapid moving on for more emotional travelers



## Raggamuffin

[Preferences / orientation / identity - whatever]

For the more emotional souls among us , how do you manage your emotions on the road when you meet , or hook up, or even just begin to enjoy the company of another person or other people, but maybe you have different relationship preferences. You then begin to question your own, and what could possibly work between both or all parties, and you're turning it over in your mind, because let's face it, you like this person, or people. Wondering if there's a way to bridge the monogomous and polyamorous worlds when there's possible relationships already established - formulating where and how you'd fit & how it could work and what it would feel like.

And then they leave , or you leave. 

... and follows the short bracket of time when the mind wanders , or is stuck in another place , and emotions swing between sadness, jealousy, anger, and love. Alcohol fuels. Time heals. Being on your period doesn't help. It can be a weird window to look out of, especially when you're alone on the road, and are self-aware enough to know you are probably more of an emotional character.


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## Koala

Holy shit how did you just put into words EXACTLY what has been churning in my head lately!?!

I've been taking the route of thinking about how beautifully unique people are, and how strong & unique the connection between us can be, but also about how many billions of us humans there are and how uncomfortably replaceable we really are.

I've also been working on not taking things personally... We are each on such different parts of our lives, and each are only a certain amount of emotionally and logistically and temporally available for new friendships and relationships.


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## Raggamuffin

Koala said:


> Holy shit how did you just put into words EXACTLY what has been churning in my head lately!?!



It's been on the mind recently, and i'm going through a questioning phase before people are moving on from where we've been chilling next week.

Uncomfortably replaceable, there's a thought that's crossed my mind as well - but it works in favor too because there's comfort when you know there's always going to be someone new and exciting out there to meet (as hard as that is to comprehend during window times)...

That's an area i'm also working on, and right now trying to think more logically than emotionally about relationships, but then asking myself why should that be the case when the connections built on the (right) emotions are the strongest and most powerful I've experienced.


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## Deleted member 125

i think its just really all about finding somebody who likes smashmouth as much as me.


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## Desperado Deluxe

personally I travel to get away from all that. and why is sex so pivitol anyway? why wedge yourself between two people?


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## Raggamuffin

Gaucho Deluxe said:


> personally I travel to get away from all that. and why is sex so pivitol anyway? why wedge yourself between two people?



I do agree to an extent, it depends on how importantly you hold physical relationships, however it isn't always about sex, rather your own emotions and how you feel when you interact and connect with similar people who want similar things from life. I'm personally not wedging between anyone, nor would I want to cause any upset or difficulty for somebody else, that's not what i'm about. You can't always control how you feel, you can manage it, but controlling it is near impossible when emotions are already fired high from being on the road.


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## Desperado Deluxe

Raggamuffin said:


> I do agree to an extent, it depends on how importantly you hold physical relationships, however it isn't always about sex, rather your own emotions and how you feel when you interact and connect with similar people who want similar things from life. I'm personally not wedging between anyone, nor would I want to cause any upset or difficulty for somebody else, that's not what i'm about. You can't always control how you feel, you can manage it, but controlling it is near impossible when emotions are already fired high from being on the road.



what's it about then? "similar things in life" like what? I find its probably not good to make decisions like that when dealing with being on the road. I just don't see why everyone gets so wrapped up in this. its just like societal pre programming.

just have faith dude and don't be so centered around such frivolities. everything works out in the end.


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## Raggamuffin

SlankyLanky said:


> i think its just really all about finding somebody who likes smashmouth as much as me.





Gaucho Deluxe said:


> what's it about then? "similar things in life" like what? I find its probably not good to make decisions like that when dealing with being on the road. I just don't see why everyone gets so wrapped up in this. its just like societal pre programming.
> 
> just have faith dude and don't be so centered around such frivolities. everything works out in the end.



Like reasons for being on the road, musical tastes, skills & experience in life and work...

Okay man, that's why i'm reaching out for aid with the emotion side. Sometimes yeah I wish things didn't happen a certain way, or I wish I didn't feel a certain way, or wish stuff wasn't going on, you know, it's different strokes for different folks


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## roughdraft

it's for real something I've dealt with plenty and recently since not travelin the past few months - i still think about certain people every day and it can have a certain hold on me, emotionally

i think it's an essential component of the... getting more out of life than the sheepmold or whatever you wanna say - approach... i.e. you travel, you meet more people, different dynamics happen sometimes that grip you, then fade.

its something about the more potent one makes their life the more extreme the ups and downs. how one handles that ride, that is the question, right?


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## creature

monogamy:
if you won't give your life for someone, don't fuck them.

polygamy:
i like fucking you, until your life makes mine difficult.

there *is* no fucking bridge.

i am going to tell you the difference between having a travel buddy & being with someone you love:

to your travel buddy you can say "goodbye".

to whom you love you say "my life is yours".

there is no fucking in between.

you want travel & passion?
fine.
fuck your goddamned brains out & deal with whatever radioactivity it is you knowingly subject yourself to ***********AND DON'T BLAME ANYONE ELSE************

unless..

unless...

you are specifically lied to, or intentionally mislead/uninformed.

which is *why* it is so smart to not offer up those emotions which offer sacrificial conduct, due to their meaning, *before* you know that that sacrifice will be met with sacrifice.

otherwise?

just fuck, & deal with it & don't whine about how fucking lonely you are, left behind..

there are two ways to travel:

1) by choice, which requires discipline, so that you can stay free, without being obligated by promises either broken or implied (& God help you, if you intentionally fucking lie to another whom seeks freedom & trusts you with theirs...)

2) by condition of circumstance (accident / compulsion / chance)
if that's the case, then you aren't really traveling, unless you choose to, & put aside your self-interest in the matter in order to *participate* in the Grace that traveling is a vehicle for.

shit happens to us traveling folk that is *Unexplainable*, so capitalizations are surely justified when we speak about what moves Beneath us..

anyways, there's shit going on that real travelers know they are fools to try & analytically deny, no matter *how* much they want to justify 'freedom' as some sort of dis-attached abstraction.

there is shit that goes on, & it goes on, beyond us, *because* of what we do.

& fuck Karma, because that is *way* too technical a fucking philosophical term to actually *mean* anything, other than being a bucket to throw shit into, before you can forget about it...

shit happens because of what you do.

it is no more complicated than that.

what you do is either truthfull
or it is betrayal.

so be truthfull.

if you need to get laid, have orgasm, need to cuddle to someone you love, to enjoy a smile, want to hear how great you are for how many places you can visit, dig on the same music -or even find or MAKE music with..
whatever *need* you have that makes traveling something *more* than traveling, because you get that fucking addiction fulfilled, recognize it for what it is:

a tangled fucking line tied to where an anchor was not meant to be..

it's *fine* to be anchored..

holy fuck..

how much art
science
music
knowledge
understanding
& just good fucking stuff that people do

comes from being Anchored?

Anchored=Traveling

if not by definition, *certainly* in intrinsic value.

so..

what do you want?

both?

you can only have both when you can accept whatever you are given.

you can only have one, fully, if you can accept the other.

if you know what you want, seek it.

but don't gripe if you don't get it, when you accept something else, instead.

you are only blameless when you are lied to, when your eyes are goddamned fucking open..


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## creature

palmazon said:


> ¡the creature lives!



that thing is better looking than i am..

in any case


Raggamuffin said:


> It can be a weird window to look out of, especially when you're alone on the road, and are self-aware enough to know you are probably more of an emotional character.



i'm gonna hit a couple of points & than *maybe* shut the fuck up (although that may, in fact, be an out & out lie).

question 1:
why do *you* travel?
i'd guess that what tops your list are things like beauty & experience & communication & peace & all the crap that can't be said.

i'd *guess* that..
but when you say "emotional character", you're certainly implying certain *types* of emotion, & unfortunately, like the pointy eared fuckers have been screaming since 1966, emotions are weaknesses..

they are also, however, wellsprings of strength..

they are like a high..

but what they *really* are, are tools.

that means they have to be *subordinate* to you.
just like fucking intellect.

nuclear weapons are fucking immoral.

but goddamn.. they are *beautifull*..

the science, theory, math, engineering & even the goddamned light those fuckers produce is enough to make people sell their souls, just so they can have the 'experience'..

& emotions, like hunger & pain or electric shock or suffocation or thirst
or digging into a great sandwich, or swimming in warm surf on a cool day, or having a really good cup of tea, or playing with a goddamned puppy or twirling on a swing..

they are all just experiences.

some we want, some we try to avoid with all we are made of..

the difference between the panic of prolonged pain & the pleasantry of greeds fulfilled is that if we have enough insight to value beyond simple desire,
we can *navigate*..

that doesn't even mean that you plan...

it just means you decide what defines you.

christ...

all life wants everything easy..

blind gratification eats & shits until that gratification produces death.

intelligence knows that things are never easy when the grub runs out, and/or there is no place left to shit, so something will have to be *done*, at least to its own interest.

fairness is being smart enough to know that within the confines of give & take, there is less risk in equity than there is in greed.

spirituality is is not taking more than you intrinsically need, when you see that taking more actually harms others.

holiness is giving your shit up to help someone else, when it clearly imperils yourself.

within that, or whatever spectrum one chooses as a basis for behavioral reference, there are enough permutations & ambiguities that one can claim *anything* is right or wrong.

so...
what do you want?

what is right & what is wrong & why do emotions have anything to do with anything, unless emotions are what define you?

& if *emotions* define you, then being "self aware" only means you let them do their gig & that that is where you are, when the movie parades in front of your eyes.

i'm not trying to be mean, but i am saying (for us emotional types, whom are not only emotional, but want some measure of truth & the equity which actual honesty *ought* to provide):

get your shit together.

make your choice.

i get so, so, so *so* pissed off when people enter into relationships like a goddamned skydiver with no fucking parachute, screaming "Geronimo!!!", because they think they are going to be safe if they hit a grassy field or some fucking lake they see, when they are 10,000 feet high..

holy fuck..

****HOW MANY UNINTENDED KIDS HAVE YOU SEEN, WITH ONE FUCKING PARENT???*****

guys who don't want a kid, who **ARE NOT CAPABLE OF PROVIDING FOR ONE** having one, because ***SOMEBODY ELSE*** didn't think it through, either???

hmm?

emotions?

you haven't seen ********ANYTHING********, until **THAT** shit hits..

do you really think strumming a guitar around a camp fire with a dready boy-toy is *worth* that shit, since you have some need to 'feel' love??

holy fuck..

i can tell you any number of stories about guys who have bailed on their kids & women who **DESPITE KNOWING** that that is their behavior, ***GO AHEAD AND MAKE MORE KIDS***
& more pain,
& more work
& more incompleteness..

& why?

because they need to 'travel'...

when people are the 'emotional type', they need to understand that *that* is what they are..
they aren't 'travelers', they are 'emotional types', because they will be emotional, *instead* of doing what they need to do in order to *continue* traveling..

if people need to be emotionally attached to another traveler, then they have to do *exactly* the same thing that people who are *not* travelers do, in order to be emotionally attached to someone who is *not* a traveler:

they need to ***NOT*** get emotionally involved, until they see the person they are interested in CAN DO THE FUCKING WORK THAT IS REQUIRED of a fully involved emotional relationship..

they need to bring home the bacon.
they need to keep a square camp
they need to share everything they have
they need to not lie
they need to be brave
they need to be fucking ready.
they need to accept whatever happens, without bailing.
etc etc etc.

& until they do *that*, & do it enough that you know it's not just a fucking show.. a show, perhaps, about "see how cool & loving & everything else i'm being?"
& you can both actually *use* each other as mutual & reliable sources of strength to accomplish what it is that you actually *love*..
*then* you can think about becoming truly, truly, truly emotionally involved..

otherwise just be satisfied with being able to be free, *by yourself*, & **FUCK** your fucking emotions, because those sons of bitches will drag you down into Hell, since they are going to demand you speak of them as *truth*, rather than a *choice* that you are fucking making.


(BTW.. i've spoken in singulars, but the same is true for *any* relationship, of *any* number of partners).


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## VikingAdventurer

SlankyLanky said:


> i think its just really all about finding somebody who likes smashmouth as much as me.




SOULMATE?!?!?


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## creature

& the dried up gremlin-trolls that the desert has not yet killed
have truths that
can even kill Light, 
because They survive beyond that which brings more
than what is Desired
or Needed..


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## creature

an OP this honest deserves that folks stay on target...


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## VikingAdventurer

I myself have had a handful of really meaningful, VERY short-term relationships while on the road. The kind of frustrating part is that 98%+ of the time, I'm the one who does the leaving, because if I sit in one place too long, I end up losing my mind.

Something that I've been learning is that, at least for myself, Relationships work best when there are no titles attached to them. No expectations except just to enjoy each moment spent together, and take life one day at a time.

I know that this approach doesn't or won't work for everyone, but I've been realizing (mostly through trial and error) that this is what works best for me.

To be honest, I get attached rather quickly and easily to people I feel a connection to. For some reason, the most meaningful and memorable of these relationships for me are each represented by a certain song that reminds me of each person. When I hear the song that my mind has attached to the memory of each of these people, it reminds me of that person, and it's usually a bittersweet memory.

I would say that each of us should value the time we spend in meaningful relationships with others, and don't let those moments be forgotten, because that's one of the things that makes us human.


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## creature

That's exactly the point, though, V..

sure, enjoying the moment is enjoyable, but..
why are you at the library?

it's.. 420*F down there, right now?

are you there because you enjoy being down there, or because there's shit that's important that you are doing, enjoyment be damned, when there's actually no enjoyment there?

you are presently anchored, correct?

& why?

because you like being a bag of walking beef jerky?

i dig.

this is the thing, though..
the OP is talking about those enjoyments & moments of meaning..

but.. shit, man..

you are frying your eyes out, waiting for all the rest of us soft bellied schwillies to be there when you can have some *more* of those moments..

you are a fucking marine, holding the fucking fort for his goddamned buddies..

Soldiering, at its fucking Best.

& you ask for no Honorarium.

just those moments.

so yeah.. yer on target, mofo..

mortality is bittersweet..

life, when it's lived by bastards like you & matt & all who try..

it is fucking *sweet*, but only when sugared with honesty...

& honesty is something we fucking pay for.

i don't know what some songs are like, but i often feel like the scream of burning flesh...
though burning slowly, in a microwave, at low power...

it might be better to be done with it, but..

a slow death is just a way to get more shit done..

i have no song i can remember you, by, brother..

unless it is a scream, with an axe, against the assailants of the innocent...


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## creature

(& if not 420*, right at the limits of human fucking survival..)


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## VikingAdventurer

creature said:


> ... I have no song i can remember you, by, brother..
> 
> unless it is a scream, with an axe, against the assailants of the innocent...



Is that not a song unto itself?


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## Tinman

Raggamuffin said:


> [Preferences / orientation / identity - whatever]
> 
> For the more emotional souls among us , how do you manage your emotions on the road when you meet , or hook up, or even just begin to enjoy the company of another person or other people, but maybe you have different relationship preferences. You then begin to question your own, and what could possibly work between both or all parties, and you're turning it over in your mind, because let's face it, you like this person, or people. Wondering if there's a way to bridge the monogomous and polyamorous worlds when there's possible relationships already established - formulating where and how you'd fit & how it could work and what it would feel like.
> 
> And then they leave , or you leave.
> 
> ... and follows the short bracket of time when the mind wanders , or is stuck in another place , and emotions swing between sadness, jealousy, anger, and love. Alcohol fuels. Time heals. Being on your period doesn't help. It can be a weird window to look out of, especially when you're alone on the road, and are self-aware enough to know you are probably more of an emotional character.



Whenever I find myself struggling with the kind of stuff you’re talking about, It’s usually because I’m (if I’m being honest with myself) trying to pound a relationship with someone into a shape it isn’t growing into naturally, or the other person(s) are doing so. 

Simplest example, say I’m attracted to someone who doesn’t reciprocate. If it matters to me, then they must be a cool person, not just a nice body, so am I going to miss out on (or half-ass) being friends with them, assuming that’s what’s offered, because I can’t accept them on their terms? I hope not. Or if someone wants monogamy and I don’t, are we going to miss out on each other, or just try to find a set of rules we can both live with, at least for a while?


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## Bedheadred

I wish I had a better answer for this.. I don't manage emotions very well and I have a tendency to either get very attached very quickly or completely detach myself emotionally once someone starts also showing emotional attachment. Ugh. I'm struggling very hard right now with an attachment to someone whos emotionally committed to their partner. I also find myself getting attached to people who I know are either incapable or don't want any sort of real relationship, and I'm not even sure that I'm capable or want that either. It also doesn't help that I struggle with pretty bad depression, anxiety, and a tendency to cope with those by drinking/drugs/etc. I do think there is a way to bridge monogamy and polyamory in a way that works specifically for those people.. and that you won't really know what that is without trial and error and probably some hurt feelings along the way.


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## Severina Serciova

I've never found a bridge between polyamory and monogamy, in fact I've just tried it recently, and failed dramatically, the only way to cope with this difficulty is live the moment, but also don't forget the past and think about the future, remember why you have your preferences whatever they may be, and objectively don't get mixed up into something you, or the person you like won't handle, there's 7 billion people in the world, if you can't find an arrangement with one then just find another that looks just like him/her


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## QueerCoyote

There is no bridge between monogamy and polyamory. The only thing that's going to do is perpetuate unhealthy dynamics. If you're monogamous, you're going to resent your partner, or feel insecure, sharing them. That's why someone identifies as monogamous, they desire that they have one partner who is explicitly with them. If you were okay with polyamory you wouldn't be "bridging" the two, you would just be poly.


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## PrisMiQue

I’ve had similar conversations with some old co workers.
gosh I can’t remember the book title now but one of my co workers had referred me to read this book that discussed how monogamy is not natural. That monogamy only came to be when land became property, when people began to claim territory. Women became man property and thus monogamy came to be.
another co worker of mine was married but was in an open relationship with her husband (Both bisexual w/ 4 kids). She freely talked to her husband about other guys their dates, sex etc..
I mean no jealousy?? No feeling of being “not enough” to the other??
Yah I guess that’s how their relationship was.
Could that be the bridge...?
🤔
Like a relationship where you can be married to one person but both are so tightly connected that they don’t fear to lose one another to someone else and it’s not a jealousy thing either.


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## Raggamuffin

It's nostalgic reading this thread back and transporting my mind briefly ... I'm the poly one, gotta lot of love for people! I pride on honesty - I think you can do what suits you without causing hurt to others but remember to also let others do what they will. Beauty of a line from a classic reggae song 'Every man do his thing a little way different'. Don't hurt people, but also have the strength to not allow yourself to get hurt, where this is possible. Openness and honesty go miles.

I guess as well for the record, I had found what I would have called a very real connection, but their views were held tightly in monogamy which took the place over their emotions at the time. It made me sad for a little while, but I wish them absolutely nothing but well!


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