# Lonely Anarchist



## Laylamiller (Aug 21, 2017)

I mean I don't mind being the only working class anarchist I know. I just see so many people who would benefit from it and I think they just screw themselves over because they're too scared to take risks. So instead they act subservient to a system that is actively screwing them over and most of them are seriously unhappy because of it.

Or they do dumb things to make their already tenuous situation worse. Like drinking or doing drugs. I know a couple of guys who have children. Which is fine but they work in occupations with stagnant wages that barely support one person, and I honestly don't know how they do it or what they are thinking. One recently bought an X-Box after his other one was broken and I'm just wondering why he would spend money on that an not on his own child? Another I know just had another kid and he has two older ones that he had really young. So he has three children to support on a minimum wage salary and every time I suggest things he could do, on or off the grid to better his situation he never can because of time constraints or lack of money. I couldn't imagine having other people to support when I can barely support myself in an openly corrupt system.

I live off the grid because Im trying to sort of plan for a life where I can at least travel if I want to. Ive been to a few other countries but always alone because no one I know wants to do it with me. And that's fine but all these people are upset and complain all the time and get into the really mentally unhealthy habits that make them do stuff that makes their lives worse.

I feel bad for them but I feel like they sabotage themselves on purpose so they can't fight the system. Even simple things like speaking up at work they can't do.

But I think about people like the Red Army Faction and how some abandoned their kids in foster care systems and stuff like that and I realize I don't have a solution for them.

I know its not realistic to put your life on hold for politics and I struggle with this because I do want to at least have one child with a guy who thinks the way that I do but I don't want to raise them dependent upon the public system. And so many people are so casually okay with doing that now.

I would love to be with a working class anarchist like me, who wants to be somewhat upwardly mobile but I doubt I'll ever meet one. Most of the people who understand and agree with me are bourgeoisie, and I think they're just being rebellious. I also feel like the bourgeoisie people are just emotionally manipulative due to being more concerned about their "status" especially where I live, so even if we connect politically, its not a meaningful connection because they don't plan on acting on any anarchism.

Anyway...I guess Im just on my own for awhile. I do get fulfillment from my relationship with Christ. I hate isolating myself from people so much but it seems like its the only thing I can do?


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## Tall Sam Jones (Aug 21, 2017)

So much of success in the subversion of society is strengthening the individual. I see working Americans as being sucked in to this belief that the only time to be productive is at work. Creativity and well-spent hours often get sucked up by cheap, compelling entertainment. Art and music and hobbies keep you healthy and enrich your life. Sometimes, if you have courage, one of these activities on the side becomes the focus of your life, and you join the elite and ragged club of the "Professional." This is why I became a vagabond, to pursue music. 

Don't fall prey like your co-workers. Continue living in the balance of being a "working anarchist." Find inspiration every day, in the little constant tasks of your trade as well as in your effort and relaxations off the clock. We're here with you.

Good Luck


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## Laylamiller (Aug 21, 2017)

I've got a lot of courage. Im working on putting it to work for myself and I guess I just see no point investing in relationships with people who dont seem to value themselves bc they tend to not value me but become weirdly dependent on me in some way that inhibits or disrupts my focus and Ive gotta focus this year on some stuff. So... thats the way it is for right now.


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## goobglib (Aug 22, 2017)

Laylamiller said:


> I know its not realistic to put your life on hold for politics and I struggle with this because I do want to at least have one child with a guy who thinks the way that I do but I don't want to raise them dependent upon the public system. And so many people are so casually okay with doing that now.


Hi. I'm really interested in a lot of what you've said here. I think you're right that a lot of people just want to get on with their lives. They don't want to make sacrifices that might liberate them. Maybe you'd argue that this kind of thinking is too short-sighted.

Just like you, I certainly see the force behind "I'm not going to be a martyr and change part X of my lifestyle for political cause Y." What exactly do you mean by "acting on anarchism." I ask because I'm wondering if there are some things that at least a decent amount of people could do that are anarchistic, like growing some of their own foods, or at least some herbs.

Finally, what are some acts of anarchism that you would like to do or already do that you think liberate you (I guess aside from living off the grid, but, I'm not 100% sure what that entails so feel free if you'd like to elaborate on that)?


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## A New Name (Aug 22, 2017)

Hooray for the Internet for connecting all the lonely anarchists.
(and also for putting us on the watch list)


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## Laylamiller (Aug 24, 2017)

goobglib said:


> Hi. I'm really interested in a lot of what you've said here. I think you're right that a lot of people just want to get on with their lives. They don't want to make sacrifices that might liberate them. Maybe you'd argue that this kind of thinking is too short-sighted.
> 
> Just like you, I certainly see the force behind "I'm not going to be a martyr and change part X of my lifestyle for political cause Y." What exactly do you mean by "acting on anarchism." I ask because I'm wondering if there are some things that at least a decent amount of people could do that are anarchistic, like growing some of their own foods, or at least some herbs.
> 
> Finally, what are some acts of anarchism that you would like to do or already do that you think liberate you (I guess aside from living off the grid, but, I'm not 100% sure what that entails so feel free if you'd like to elaborate on that)?



A couple of years back I heard Anita Hill speak in Toronto after watching a documentary about the whole Clarence Thomas thing. She opened the panel for questioning and I was fortunate enough to be called. Because I had experienced some discrimination myself and I was trying to figure out a way to "investigate" education programs in advance so as to avoid this. The only problem with this is that many people wont speak on these things even when they are asked about them. Im very empathic and I tend to go with my gut (because I'm often) so when people give me answers that sound off or evasive I tend to not follow their advice. My problem back then was that every program I was interested in seemed to have this "conspiracy of silence" about what the program was actually like. Particulary from women which unnerved me. Once I talked to an army recruiter about enlistement and I saw a girl in the office(not the recruiter) and I asked her what it was like?

She didnt meet my eyes and the hesitated before saying, " It's....cool." She seemed annoyed by the question like she didnt know how to answer without saying the wrong thing.And that kind of told me all I need to know about joining the military as a woman. This was way back before all the sexual assaults in the military came out in the media but I know I dodged a bullet.

Every government program seems shady like that. And I feel like as a working class woman that its a bait and switch trap. They take taxes from you with the promise that youll be given back services for"free"(when really you've already paid for them against your will.) Then when you attempt to access those services they are ineffective or discriminatory or they promise a bunch of things they cant deliver simply because they hope that by the time you figure out the truth and realise that you've been lied to youll be too economically invested in completing the program to leave.

I made this mistake with Job Corps LPN program and it was a fucking disaster. Our class instructor was a "former" nurse who was verbally abusive to us and inconsistent teacher who constantly contradicted herself.We used broken outdated equipment. Our clinicals werent spent learning any of the stuff wed actually do on the job. I actually had the best grades in class because I didnt listen to anything the teacher old us. And I was terminated from the program for "reading in class" when really I just spoke up to her and asked her not to say abusive things.

There was actually a girl in the program who admitted she was failing everything because she didnt study. She told the program director this. That was seriously her excuse.

She was allowed to stay and I was terminated.

80% of the class who did graduate actually failed the state licensure exam(Your tax dollars at work folks!!) That was the ONE time I didnt listen to my instincts and I regretted because not only was it a time commitment, it required me to relocate for a year and basically be completely financially dependent upon them until I "graduated". I actually turned down other job oppurtunities in order to pursue that! Because at the time it fit my career plan of economic independence.

I think that's why a lot of government programs have income guidelines for eligibility. They want only the most desperate people who will put up with any kind of abuse so the can use them to serve local corporations. Even in that program other people voiced complaints about the instructor having bipolar crying fits in class and leaving early without telling the entire class and taking the time sheet so we couldnt get credit for that clincal day. She even called another student " a bitch" and then claimed not to recall saying it. The other instructor was CONSTANTLY late. Like HOURS late and...when we spoke to the department of labor about it they said they werent going to do anything and we were on our own.

I KNEW this in my heart but... I was younger and less sure of myself and I desperately wanted to believe that independent upward mobility was possible for a poor kid without degrading myself or compromising my values and that the system would help me achive this. Even though at this point, Id been in the system all my life and Id been nothing but abused by it ...I continued to believe the problem was me and my social status...not that the system kept me at a certain social status so that it could abuse me and others in my position. I also had medical problems for years from the H1N1 vaccination they gave me but thats another story.

So I presented this question to Anita Hill and she gave me the best advice I've ever been given. She gave me some tips about vetting people and then she said,
*"The obiective isnt to change the system.... but to get as much as you can from it."*

Which had occurred to me but I didnt really seriously consider how how to go about it until she said it. But even hearing someone especially a woman with her level of accomplishment admit that they system is more of a hinderance than a help was oddly liberating.

I think just having that attitude helps immensely. Nowadays theres not much way to really avoid interacting with the system but once you value yourself enough not to become dependent upon it you can learn about it enough to exploit its weakness to get what you most want out of it.

I cant go into detail here about what I do mostly because I wouldnt be allowed to do it if I admitted to this openly plus a lot of it is easy to do if you think about it. Plus I tell people face to face all the time and they never listen to me.

I dont feel like a martyr either I feel like I have more control over the choices I make whereas the people around me are the ones that are miserable because they put their faith in the system and they feel trapped.

Whereas I already know its bullshit and dont take that risk. I always have a contingency plan in place. Or if I do take the risk its calculated. Not only am I better off economically now but Im much happier than before.

I think once people start thinking along those lines theyll find their own answers. Sometimes though people are just lazy AF too. Like I got to a certain point in that class where I just knew I couldnt rely on that mentally unstable terrible instructor so I basically just read the textbook and took practice tests from each book. Early on I realised that most of the tests we took in class were extremely similiar to the tests we took in class. I got a couple of classmates together and we aced a few tests that other people struggled with or failed. A couple of people publicly thanked me and I think that put me on the chopping block more than anything. Same instructor called me "Too smart for my own good." and "a subversive".

I still got terminated from the program despite(or because of) having perfect attendence and the highest grades in the class but my reasoning at the time was that at Im the one who has to learn these things. Im not here to learn this instructors opinion or gain her approval. So many lazy students/people take this attitude to authority figures and if it helps them its only in the short term or it doesnt do anything and they get treated like I did withohut the solace of being able to maintain at least their dignity. People who didnt speak up like I did got terminated as well. The girl who was allowed to stay despite failing failed her licensure exam. I dont know if she ever passed it. If she did Im sure she made a horrible nurse whos stealing patients medication as we speak. She looked like a pre heroin addict.

Thats what I mean when I spoke earlier of people not valuing me but asking for my help all the time. They view my independence and willingness to speak up as inferior(seriously) but beg for my intellect, time, energy and attention anytime theyre struggling with something. Maybe its because Im a woman? At one point I wasnt even studying myself because I didnt need to study myself. I was just tutoring other people in the class. I stayed up half the night with one of them helping cram for this pharmacology exam that I passed easily.

Its always like that too. Im wrong for not being subservient and yet I perform better than 90% of other paticipants and do 90% of the work and Im the first person people ask for help, trust to carry out an important task that cant be given to iust anyone.

I mean Im pretty tolerant of others in certain situations but not every single one if theyre not willing to pull their weight. And rarely is any of what I give out reciprocated so I do tend to isolate myself because other people are so draining.


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## angerisagift (Aug 26, 2017)

Perceval said:


> Hooray for the Internet for connecting all the lonely anarchists.
> (and also for putting us on the watch list)


Nailed It


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## FromNowhere (Aug 27, 2017)

We have very similar worldviews it seems. I'm on the Oregon coast this summer, but will be in NYC visiting friends and family next year. (I'm Vandweller/Digital Nomad) Let me know if you are down for coffee or whatever. Always cool to meet like-minded people in person.


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## Laylamiller (Aug 28, 2017)

FromNowhere said:


> We have very similar worldviews it seems. I'm on the Oregon coast this summer, but will be in NYC visiting friends and family next year. (I'm Vandweller/Digital Nomad) Let me know if you are down for coffee or whatever. Always cool to meet like-minded people in person.



Cool looking forward to it definitely!


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## salxtina (Oct 30, 2017)

Hi are you still around? I've been meaning to answer this for a while, and now I'm housed up and have a working computer finally...Your story about Anita Hill speaks to me a lot.
I'm from Jersey City originally. Hear you, I also spent time w/ some mostly-student radical groups around jersey and found a lot of cognitive dissonance and then split. Fortunately there's so much more out there. 
So I'm not religious myself but I've met some pretty great people in Catholic Worker collectives different parts of the country, NOLA, Tennessee, etc...


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## Laylamiller (Nov 1, 2017)

salxtina said:


> Hi are you still around? I've been meaning to answer this for a while, and now I'm housed up and have a working computer finally...Your story about Anita Hill speaks to me a lot.
> I'm from Jersey City originally. Hear you, I also spent time w/ some mostly-student radical groups around jersey and found a lot of cognitive dissonance and then split. Fortunately there's so much more out there.
> So I'm not religious myself but I've met some pretty great people in Catholic Worker collectives different parts of the country, NOLA, Tennessee, etc...



Yeah still around just been a bit busy these days. Feel free to message me whenever.


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## junkpolecat99 (Dec 26, 2017)

I'm lonely in Ypsilanti, Michigan. I like stuff and I do stuff (probly similar as other humans). Mostly I just like to watch TV, read, and play video games. I'm 33 and it sucks, I feel old and I take medication for depression/bipolar. I have PTSD from solitary confinement for 6 weeks on 2011.


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## junkpolecat99 (Dec 26, 2017)

I'm gonna get a cat but I'm nervous about it. My sister is a teacher and has twin 4 year olds and I hear what she says about how hard being a single mom is. Being poor and having kids sounds like hell for everyone.


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## Minky (Feb 6, 2018)

Laylamiller said:


> I mean I don't mind being the only working class anarchist I know. I just see so many people who would benefit from it and I think they just screw themselves over because they're too scared to take risks. So instead they act subservient to a system that is actively screwing them over and most of them are seriously unhappy because of it.
> 
> Or they do dumb things to make their already tenuous situation worse. Like drinking or doing drugs. I know a couple of guys who have children. Which is fine but they work in occupations with stagnant wages that barely support one person, and I honestly don't know how they do it or what they are thinking. One recently bought an X-Box after his other one was broken and I'm just wondering why he would spend money on that an not on his own child? Another I know just had another kid and he has two older ones that he had really young. So he has three children to support on a minimum wage salary and every time I suggest things he could do, on or off the grid to better his situation he never can because of time constraints or lack of money. I couldn't imagine having other people to support when I can barely support myself in an openly corrupt system.
> 
> ...


I understand a lot of your frustration. It is not always easy to speak up and be heard. There is nothing wrong with being working class. I feel we all have a responsibility to live our lives to the fullest. I look forward to hear more from you!


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## bazarov (Feb 27, 2018)

In my case, as a fellow working class anarchist, I've purely given up on the idea of being "upwardly mobile" in the sense that I can't see myself sacrificing my spirit to wage slavery long enough to gather the necessary rubles. My own radicalism is in a cartoonish fervency now. I simply won't cooperate with, or take part in, a society I sincerely view as virulently rotten; commodity fetishism, coercive economics that pit family against family, comrade against comrade, with very little acknowledgement of the soul beneath the "manpower", it's a disgusting state of affairs that I want no part in.

Also the idea of "getting on as one should" is shrouded in the aesthetic of liberalism. What I mean by that is... the image of success or a life worth living is so stagnant, so culturally/societally engrained that deviating from it's path leads to genuine mental, emotional, and spiritual duress. You can see this in the newly homeless traveler who's faced with shame/anxiety and the feelings of being "at the end of their rope." I'd claim these feelings are based in a passive operating mode that is the product of coping with the spectacle of society.

I guess what I'm getting at is anarchists are mostly happily disenfranchised - in a state of joyful nihilism - and as proof just look at the most popular manifestation of anarchism in the post-left movement. Most anarchists nowadays, myself included, are in the "on strike" category. I mean at least in North America your highest concentration of anarchos is going to be among the nomadic and voluntarily poor milieus, so finding your business savvy or gainfully employed militant mate might be a bit tricky.

Anyway yeah, that's my tangent I guess.


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