# Love is Disgusting



## LeeevinKansas (Jul 20, 2011)

Ah.... ready for another update on my miserable life?

Well last i left here my woman had left me.
That following morning she came running back.
And me of course, in the current state of mind I was in, went back to her, although I was very very hesitant. I almost didnt go. But I loved her once before, and imho, everyone deserves a second chance, even if it leads to my heart being broken again. Just how I am. Im willing to screw my life over if we can make what we once had work.

........*long sigh*

reflections oh reflections

So shit was going good this past week, until we got pulled over in her uninsured car.
So many fucking problems.....

So now shes got a court date on the 11th, which in turned im almost doubtless shes gonna get one hell of a hefty fine, at least to us, we are broke as fuck.

And the person we had been living with the past 4 months is moving in a week or two.
So back to being homeless. But how can we live out of her car when its uninsured?
Ive busted my ass trying to find a job, but with no car, no internet half the fucking time, and no phone, its rather useless. Even if I find a job, ive got no transportation. yes yes i know i can use my legs, but when your constantly moving around, and you cant contact each other bc you cant afford a phone, when I get off work (let alone if i could even make it to work), id have one hell of a time finding her again.

So as you can see this is boiling down to a disaster. And we both know it. But for watever reason we keep sticking with each other trying to make shit work. Im assuming this is the love. But.....

you know? I love her so fucking much, and i want only the best for her, and thats why i know she cant be with me forever. The life she wants, i DO want, but not yet. Its too soon. Im still a young man. I havent even started my life yet hardly. Ive made a few attempts but all of them unexpectedly failed. See literally a week before we got together 9 months ago, I was ready to leave. For 2 years almost, I had been training mind and body, physically mentally, and gearing up for my lifelong journey on the road. And then WE happened. Unexpectedly. I went to her house to get high, i had no intentions of this ever happening.

If she leaves me, her parents will help her out, cuz god knows ive tried and failed miserably.
but she wont leave me. So what if i leave her? bc in the end it will be for the better, i hope?
Who am i to say i know whats best and what isnt best fo rher when i can barely get my own life together?

Just posting this. not really for any real reason. just talking to the world. Just to talk....

I could always leave do my thing and come back for her, if she waited, but i dont want her to have to wait on something unsure. And what if i hit the road and never find what im looking for, because i already have it? But if i stay, real soon shits gonna get real fucking bad. a storms a comin........ i dont know what to do anymore. Im helpless. destined to be miserable all my life. Ive tried fixing the situation. And waiting to see what happens is agony itself. Ive lost myself so much over the past 9 months.

fml


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## wokofshame (Jul 20, 2011)

Wow, talk about good timing, i just got off the phone w/ my ex.
You just gotta realize that you can't duplicate what was, for better or worse, some things happen only once.
Like the 1st year with my ex was such happy times but the reality is,
what was the perfect relationship for both of us at that time now no longer is.
People change, circumstances change. leave while the leaving's good, I can tell you from everything you write that you won't have a happy marriage if u do


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