# Help, help, help...



## happyemil (Aug 26, 2016)

I didn't know where else to post this. I really just need advice and reassurance right now.

I'm a disabled 21-year-old "high functioning" (if you can call it that...) autistic man. I cannot work. I have tried to work normal jobs before which I only ever obtained with the help of friends, but I was forced to quite every time because of my difficulties. These were part time jobs, but I still could not handle them.
My father is emotionally and mentally abusive to me and my mother and both of them are pressuring me to move out of their house.

I have started coming to a breaking point this year. I had to spend a while in the mental hospital in May, and even now that I am on medication I still feel overwhelmed like there is no escape. months, years of therapy do not help.

I know I have to escape my abuser but I am not socially skilled or skilled in general, and I even am anxious at the thought of speaking to like-minded people like anarchists/communists and travelers and such who are interested in traveling.
I don't know if my body could handle a hard traveling life, though it's the path I've dreamed of for a long time.

I am completely overwhelmed, I feel like I have no help and the world is so confusing and frightening to me, I could be easily tricked, killed in the real world I am so sure, but there is no place for me under capitalism and under this society, I feel like I cannot fit anywhere. 

I just don't even know where to start. I'm losing the will to live and sometimes think that I will not live to an old age... I'm at a loss.


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## spectacular (Aug 26, 2016)

I can't think of any advice to give you that wouldn't make me sound like a jackass. That being said perhaps you can find a shelter in your area or maybe try camping outside in baby steps? Like spend a night in the local park amidst all the chaotic bs you're dealing with?


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## bystander (Aug 26, 2016)

look man, everyone's a little shy, no one wants to work & makin' friends can be difficult.

you gotta put yourself out there;

Your disabilities make it difficult, but they aren't stopping you. It sounds like your fear of people judging you on those disabilities- is what's truly hindering you.

fuck what people think- we ain't in high school anymore-

don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of you,

& use yer head

Good luck bro,


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## Art101 (Aug 26, 2016)

Love those ideas.I was going to say a lot of shelters have resources that would perfect for your situation.You have made it to 21,When I was 21 I said the same kinda things."I wont make 40."Well I made it.I have my own issues I fight with and it can be tough.There is help out there!You just need to find it.


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## MilkaNoobie (Aug 26, 2016)

He's Autistic and that means Change will be Extremely hard for him. Autistic people tend to need routine. 

If you go in to a shelter other then wake up eat leave and come back at a certain hour to eat again and go to bed there won't be a routine.

I would think you can develop a routine with Van Dwelling and living in BLM land


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## happyemil (Aug 26, 2016)

MilkaNoobie said:


> He's Autistic and that means Change will be Extremely hard for him. Autistic people tend to need routine.
> 
> If you go in to a shelter other then wake up eat leave and come back at a certain hour to eat again and go to bed there won't be a routine.
> 
> I would think you can develop a routine with Van Dwelling and living in BLM land



Comfort and routine is indeed a very important factor to my mental health and I have definitely considering van dwelling. I can only hope the opportunity for me to obtain a van will come along. Thank you for your understanding.


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## bystander (Aug 26, 2016)

Hello, happyE

Although I completely agree with what Milka has said; I just hope you aren't allowing that mentality to solely dictate your life.

change is hard on everyone. It is some scary shit for everyone.

You gotta find your balance.

but-

don't let your disabilities define you, yes there is things you can't change about yourself- but don't accept that as "no you can't"

physical, mental or all the above

I when I was a kid, I was in "special ed" classes

always being told: you aren't like the other kids, you can't read at the average level, you can't learn as quickly you just aren't smart. etc

turns out I had ADD like a motherfucker. completely different then your situation, I understand that. I'm just sayin' when I was a kid I held myself back from a lot of new opportunities simply because I was always told "thats just not for you" or constantly feeling inadequate compared to my peers. Even after we figured out my issues I still felt like everyone thought I was "dumb" or slow

just know your limits, but don't let them define you. It's not going to be easy & yes it will be harder for you given the hand you were dealt- but don't let that shit stop you from trying my friend.

I'm not tryna bash or belittle you. I just have a feeling we've shared similar thoughts & experiences.


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## MilkaNoobie (Aug 26, 2016)

My little brother is retarded and basically a 25 year old with a 8 year old mind.... Autism is basically the same but in reverse ... Highly intelligent especially about one particular field is the norm ..interactions with people can be extremely difficult and routine has to be adhered to or else he might shut down and wait till its fixed or go nuclear mental..... At least that's what I remember but that could be Aspbergers


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## bystander (Aug 26, 2016)

happyemil said:


> I'm a disabled 21-year-old "high functioning" (if you can call it that...) autistic man.



to be honest Milka, that statement right there is the only reason I'm tryna push this guy.

I'm not tryna down play his disabilities. He may have a serious disability that I can't see- we are online after all.

please don't take offense to my ignorance or lack of facts. I'm simply tryna motivate this kid- because judging by his text (& txt only) he seems like someone who could function in society with moderate accommodations.

a lot of us with disabilities feel "caped" like this is all were gunna get outta life... which simply is not true.

edited


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## happyemil (Aug 26, 2016)

I don't know why I came here for help really... it is clear I am not able to articulate my situation well enough, but very little of any of this is helpful to me right now. I'm not good with explaining things anyway.

I was hoping to find solid resources, not the same empty, meaningless positivity-cliche's that I have already overpaid hapless therapist after hapless therapist to regurgitate at me time and time again. I am incredibly frustrated.


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## EphemeralStick (Aug 26, 2016)

happyemil said:


> I was hoping to find solid resources, not the same empty, meaningless positivity-cliche's that I have already overpaid hapless therapist after hapless therapist to regurgitate at me time and time again. I am incredibly frustrated.


In order to find solid resources you need to know what sort of things you are directly looking for.
You will find information on hitch hiking, van dwelling and converting, train hopping, wilderness and urban squatting, and all sorts of things if you take the time to comb through the forums. Make use of the search function. Also check out the Library on here for all sorts of downloadable counter-culture resources.

Welcome to StP


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## Kim Chee (Aug 26, 2016)

bizzolizzo said:


> I can't think of any advice to give you that wouldn't make me sound like a jackass.



Ah yes...this is how I've acquired many of my well-earned negative ratings.


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## Kim Chee (Aug 26, 2016)

I can relate to what you are saying. 

I can also see that it appears that you are preoccupied with things in the future which have not yet happened yet your mind allows you to think they may without any real reason to feel so.

Do you agree?


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## spectacular (Aug 27, 2016)

U might want to look into SSI as a way of paying for a van


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## happyemil (Aug 27, 2016)

Kim Chee said:


> I can relate to what you are saying.
> 
> I can also see that it appears that you are preoccupied with things in the future which have not yet happened yet your mind allows you to think they may without any real reason to feel so.
> 
> Do you agree?



I have been told this, yes. haha.

Anxiety can be overwhelming at times because I've always put such focus on the future. I hope I don't die never having enjoyed the now.



bizzolizzo said:


> U might want to look into SSI as a way of paying for a van



I have considered this, but am discouraged by how confusing the process seems. I can't even be sure, but I think I can only get SSI if I've worked a number of years in the past... collectively I've worked maybe 11 months or so? I do not know if I qualify... I wish everything were more clear.

How counterproductive it is for it to be so difficult for the disabled to access things meant for us...


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## MilkaNoobie (Aug 27, 2016)

If your able to hold off a bit I plan on buying a van/minibus within the next 6 months and preparing it to travel Canada America Central America.... If you want to push your boundaries your welcome to join me


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## salxtina (Aug 29, 2016)

Hello friend! I am a probably-autism-spectrum communist!
I know what you mean, I got my bachelor's degree this spring, but am not "adaptable" in a way that's let me make much use of it / access less-shitty work because of it so far. All my last few jobs have been farm jobs, because that's easier for me than customer-service stuff which is... impossible.

I *believe* you can get SSDI (different from SSI) even if you've never worked in the past... Maybe a social worker / case worker / psychologist at a local agency could help you apply? Be ready to appeal the court's first decision! Know that they usually turn people down the first (few) times! Describe yourself on your "worst" days when they ask you questions, to minimize your chances of being ruled "fit to work"!

I've generally found medications and psychiatry to be harmful to me, so I don't go near them, but I also believe that autism is one of the conditions that they *don't* necesarilly expect you to be on meds for in order to get disability income.

Right now I live in a tent in the forest. I don't know how tent or car living sounds to you. Another option I tried was staying on small farms through WWOOF-USA - part-time work for food and lodging, can be a lot easier/more flexible than trying to do wage labor to make rent. Check reviews first! Some sites are really good, some are kind of exploitative! Also you could try getting in touch with other intentional communities through http://www.ic.org/directory/ to see if they'd be open to hosting you for visits!

Check out the Autistic Self Advocacy Network - See if there's a chapter near you / in places you'd like to travel to! Send them your questions, and they'll share them with their social media followers to see if other folks have answers!
http://autisticadvocacy.tumblr.com/

Also - peer respites can be good short-term fixes?? http://www.peerrespite.net/


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## happyemil (Aug 30, 2016)

salxtina said:


> Hello friend! I am a probably-autism-spectrum communist!
> I know what you mean, I got my bachelor's degree this spring, but am not "adaptable" in a way that's let me make much use of it / access less-shitty work because of it so far. All my last few jobs have been farm jobs, because that's easier for me than customer-service stuff which is... impossible.
> 
> I *believe* you can get SSDI (different from SSI) even if you've never worked in the past... Maybe a social worker / case worker / psychologist at a local agency could help you apply? Be ready to appeal the court's first decision! Know that they usually turn people down the first (few) times! Describe yourself on your "worst" days when they ask you questions, to minimize your chances of being ruled "fit to work"!
> ...



Most helpful reply so far, thank you. I am actually very interested in tent living and I'm planning to prepare for a year or so (or, however long I need to prepare) and then start traveling. I'm hoping if I wean myself off of my current environment the transition won't be as difficult. Thank you very much again for the resources.


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