# Chicago Hot Dog Boner (Horrible Gaffe of Heinz)



## Joe Btfsplk (Feb 2, 2019)

Matt:

Don't know if this post belongs here, move it at your want. The post is mainly for EphemeralStick, he'll enjoy it.

Also, I would like to send him a private email and not clutter up StP. I want to know if he would be interested in surprising the Slab 
City clan; I have an idea of how to wow the crowd. It does not involve anything nefarious or sexual. If you want, I can share it with you privately and you be the judge. Just don't be a yenta and gossip this around the neighborhood. Keep it low, off the radar. I have no idea of how to contact him via email; he is hidden.

He might be game for this idea. I know he is busy in LA, perhaps he will stop at the Slabs during the year? The 2019 Jambo? that would be ideal but let's see how it goes.

Anyway, here you go Andy:

"For National Hot Dog Day on July 19, 2017, Heinz created controversy by introducing ketchup, labeled as "Chicago Dog Sauce", to the disdain of many Chicagoans — but their effort also unearthed a minority of ketchup aficionados in the city."

This is a sacrilege; atrocious. Amen.


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## Deleted member 125 (Feb 2, 2019)

If you wanna send Andy a message just click his profile and there's a "send message" button, ya can't miss it.


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## EphemeralStick (Feb 2, 2019)

KETCHUP ON A HOTDOG?
LIGHT THE FIRES! SIGNAL THE ARMIES!

Also I'll send ya a PM lol.

(To anyone interested a Chicago Style hot dog consists of; one hot dog, MUSTARD, relish, diced onion, sliced tomato, a pickle spear, sport peppers, celery salt, all on a poppy seed bun)


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## Deleted member 125 (Feb 2, 2019)

Juan Derlust said:


> the only way to gobble anything resembling that part of my anatomy



It's time to hose down and give that hog a scrubbing if yer using ketchup to mask the taste of hot dog dick. Nobody likes a hot dog dick.


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## Deleted member 125 (Feb 2, 2019)

EphemeralStick said:


> KETCHUP ON A HOTDOG?
> LIGHT THE FIRES! SIGNAL THE ARMIES!
> 
> Also I'll send ya a PM lol.
> ...



See now only the city that makes lasagna and calls it pizza would think it's a good idea to put a tomato on a hot dog. Hot dogs should be nearly burned with the consistency of old leather like the Marlboro man's chapped weather beaten butt cheeks and covered in chili with or without beans and topped with whatever kind of cheese you like.


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## EphemeralStick (Feb 2, 2019)

@SlankyLanky Hey now sir!!! Thems fightin' words!

I don't know if you've heard but I AM a weiner affecionado. I desire more from my dog than the taste of burnt charcoal and ash that's been slathered with a can of dollar store drippings.

We Chicagoans take pride in our sodium rich, overly complicated delicacies. If it ain't filling you with more toppings than you can remember it ain't worth eatin.


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## Deleted member 125 (Feb 2, 2019)

Yo you had me up until tomato @EphemeralStick but tomatoes are vile disgusting things that nightmares are made of.


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## croc (Feb 2, 2019)

EphemeralStick said:


> @SlankyLanky I desire more from my dog than the taste of burnt charcoal and ash that's been slathered with a can of dollar store drippings.


.... Dollar $tore Drippins is my stripper name


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## Deleted member 125 (Feb 2, 2019)

croc said:


> .... Dollar $tore Drippins is my stripper name



So yer saying you accept ebt as tips or...?


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## croc (Feb 2, 2019)

SlankyLanky said:


> So yer saying you accept debt as tips or...?


I accept any item purchased at the dollar store that is able and willing to drip


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## Deleted member 125 (Feb 2, 2019)

croc said:


> I accept any item purchased at the dollar store that is able and willing to drip



Thanks for more nightmare fuel. I appreciate it.


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## croc (Feb 2, 2019)

SlankyLanky said:


> Thanks for more nightmare fuel. I appreciate it.


Wet nightmares


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## Deleted member 125 (Feb 2, 2019)

croc said:


> Wet nightmares



Check please!


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## Deleted member 125 (Feb 3, 2019)

Juan Derlust said:


> A little clarification: I was going with Ephemeral's Chicago Dog mashup - ketchup on wiener is heretical



I agree. And ketchup is made from tomatoes so anybody who puts a slice of that gross slimy thing on a hot dog is a savage. I would rather lick the inside of a home bums back pocket then eat a tomato.


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## EphemeralStick (Feb 3, 2019)

@SlankyLanky tomatoes are by far the least gross thing I could think of to put in ones mouth. Especially where weiners are concerned. 

I could go into detail buuuuut I'll spare the rest of the user base.


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## Deleted member 125 (Feb 3, 2019)

@EphemeralStick it always somehow comes back to a Johnson reference between you and me huh?


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## EphemeralStick (Feb 3, 2019)

SlankyLanky said:


> @EphemeralStick it always somehow comes back to a Johnson reference between you and me huh?


Dick jokes are my modus operandi.


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## Deleted member 125 (Feb 3, 2019)

*mouth operandi.


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## Matt Derrick (Feb 9, 2019)

EphemeralStick said:


> To anyone interested a Chicago Style hot dog consists of; one hot dog, MUSTARD, relish, diced onion, sliced tomato, a pickle spear, sport peppers, celery salt, all on a poppy seed bun



best. thread. ever.

i'll tell you what, i had serious doubts when anna handed me my first chicago dog, i mean with all those weird ingredients, i was pretty doubtful it would be any good. but, once i put that hot dog dick in my mouth, i was fucking hooked; im definitely a fan of the chitown dog now.


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## Deleted member 125 (Feb 9, 2019)

Matt Derrick said:


> best. thread. ever.
> 
> i'll tell you what, i had serious doubts when anna handed me my first chicago dog, i mean with all those weird ingredients, i was pretty doubtful it would be any good. but, once i put that hot dog dick in my mouth, i was fucking hooked; im definitely a fan of the chitown dog now.



It's gotta be partly my utter disgust for tomatoes that's the deal breaker for me because everything else sounds alright.


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## roughdraft (Feb 9, 2019)

the chicago style sounds good to me...minus the relish....what even is that putrid mess of a condiment?

@SlankyLanky brings by far the best point of the thread though, which is that hot dogs really must be charred to be edible


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## Joe Btfsplk (Feb 10, 2019)

When Andy described the Chicago Dog makeup, he didn't do it fully. A purist demands a Vienna brand all-beef frank, anything else is frowned on. I, like Andy, grew up in the Chicago area. Same towns at times but years apart. He's younger; I am older and wiser. Sheesh, he didn't remember Vienna all-beef dogs. Maybe he couldn't spell Vienna. He offered an excuse, "I'm a stoner, forgot." Come on, mota use does not cause forgetfulness. 

Matt, is Anna another Chicago flatlander? She turned you on to the Chicago quirk, where did you try your first dog? Did she put it together or did you buy it from a Chicago Dog cart? Curious.

Something I've never tried is a Sonora Dog. This rascal fits in well in the southwest. I'll have to call around the many Mexican grocers/delis in my area, track one of these babies down.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonoran_hot_dog

Sonora Dog:

The Sonoran hot dog is a style of hot dog popular in Tucson, Phoenix, and elsewhere in southern Arizona. It originated in Hermosillo, the capital of the Mexican state of Sonora, in the late 1980s. It consists of a hot dog that is wrapped in bacon and grilled, served on a bolillo-style hot dog bun, and topped with pinto beans, onions, tomatoes, and a variety of additional condiments, often including mayonnaise, mustard, and jalapeño salsa.

The Sonoran hot dog is prepared and sold by vendors called "dogueros" at street carts. It was estimated in 2009 that over 200 places in Tucson purvey the Sonoran hot dog, and that Phoenix has even more.

This is what got me interested, a comment from another:

-Hey Meathead and crew! You guys are missing Sonoran Dogs on your website! Bacon wrapped hot dog on a bolillo roll with refried beans, cheese, pico de gallo, spicy green tomatillo salsa, Mexican crema, and mustard. You can get them on street corner hot dog carts in the southwest US and northern Mexico.

If possible, I would use a Vienna dog or lesser all-beef brand. In general, hot dogs are a creepy mystery meat.


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## Deleted member 23824 (Feb 15, 2019)

SlankyLanky said:


> @EphemeralStick it always somehow comes back to a Johnson reference between you and me huh?


 
My wife and I have a hotdog cart/outdoor cafe, as seen in my avatar. We feature proper Vienna Beef Chicago dogs.

And my last name is Johnson . . .


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