# how to pass a piss test



## Mouse

since most of us seem pretty knowledgeable about probation and da man holding us down... share your tricks.


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## dirtbag

Niacin pills!!!

They'll make you itchy and hot and sick as a dog. But I've had friends that I smoked with the night before a piss test who popped a bunch that night/morning, and passed with flying colors.


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## Dameon

Just...Don't smoke weed when you know you're going to get a piss test? Nah, that's just crazy. Smoking a bowl is totally worth screwing with your body chemistry to no end to try and hide it


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## marc

get some certo gelatin and mix 1 packet with a cup of water and drink it a hour and a half before the drug test. the gelatin will hold all the thc in your body while you piss. i dont think it lasts more than a few hours though


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## derekja

I'd heard a slightly different story on the gelatin. What I heard was that you were to drink LOTS of water until your pee is totally clear, and then a couple hours before the test take the gelatin and some vitamin B supplements. The B vitamins are to colour the urine and the gelatin is to artificially raise it's specific gravity, because apparently they'll reject the urine sample if it's not yellow and if it's too watery.


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## Mouse

Dameon said:


> Just...Don't smoke weed when you know you're going to get a piss test? Nah, that's just crazy. Smoking a bowl is totally worth screwing with your body chemistry to no end to try and hide it





what makes you think I'm just talking about weed? ha


neways..

I've heard the niacin thing works. I'm always very chicken shit about these things. I get tested somewhat randomly (I kinda k now when it's coming but not exactly) I did some coke the other day and came back with suboxin in my system aftera month. luckily I pissed dirty for my program and not my PO. He gives the very simple test, and since I had that staph infection I had a 'script for hydrocodone and was dirty on opiates but he has no idea what type other than the obvious pills. 

I tend to behave myself but sometimes I slip. 

and I never work for places that piss test. it's lame.


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## DigitalYouth

Just drink lots and lots of water before your piss test. as long as you drink enough water the test will come out deluted and they wont be able to get an accurate read off of it.


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## DigitalYouth

also, if you can get your hands on a testing set (whatever its called) it can be helpful, just so you can test yourself before going to see you PO, that way you know what to expect and be prepaired for... for example if you fail horribly, you at least know that you need to come up with some kind of story about how its so hard to stay clean or something... ive often thought about how well saying that you found jesus would go over with a PO.


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## Geoff

if you're a guy get someone to pee in a condom. and tie it. (obviously someone who is sober, pay a straightedge kid or something) than when the person administering is watching you bust it out from the inside of your pants and poke it with a safety pin. it's pretty gross but as long as they don't catch you in the act you should be good.


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## spud

about a tablspoon of bleach in about a gallon of water its not as bad as pool water and its worked for me


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## dirty_rotten_squatter

derekja said:


> I'd heard a slightly different story on the gelatin. What I heard was that you were to drink LOTS of water until your pee is totally clear, and then a couple hours before the test take the gelatin and some vitamin B supplements. The B vitamins are to colour the urine and the gelatin is to artificially raise it's specific gravity, because apparently they'll reject the urine sample if it's not yellow and if it's too watery.



very true, has worked all but one time for me out of like a hundred thousand haha. My folks used to make me get tested monthly little did they know ha!


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## wokofshame

Well I don't know if you can get a fake vagina but High Times always has adds for this deal called "the Whizzinator" which is a strap-on rubber penis and ball sac.
The rubber scrotum actually is a reservoir for fake pee/someone else's pee.
google it


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## stove

Derekja is correct. I worked under contract for a company designing piss and oral tests. The cheap local piss-tests use the same chemical asymptotes as the laboratories. They test for THC, dillution, and specific gravity. Oh and if sent to a lab, they check the temperature to make sure it came out of your body (plus or minus a degree).

So yeah, a ton of water, and then something with a lot of liquid salt will do ya good. Anything to raise the specific gravity, personally I'll use Gatorade or cranberry juice.

Oh, and try some salicylic acid for an oral test. works wonders to break down the chemicals inside the test. But you didn't hear it from me.


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## veggieguy12

stove said:


> ...try some salicylic acid for an oral test. works wonders to break down the chemicals inside the test. But you didn't hear it from me.



Is salicylic acid available beyond as active ingredient in "Oxy" brand anti-acne wipe-pads or cremes or whatever?

Now who *did* I hear that from?!?...


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## drunken marauder

Ok umm finally like a topic I actually know about lol... Hmm where to start water water water... Not just for weed its for a lot of stuff.. I always keep old opiate pill bottles around and will put like generic asperin or whatever in there when I go in.... Ok I'm not sure if I can acurately describe this but my friend used to use I forget what she called it... But she took a cigar tub cut it down filled it with clean urine and then fashioned a string on to the end of it and like I guess just pull the cap off.. she said it was always comical to her that 3 times a week they always got the same amount of urine.... Oh and cocaine does not neccisarily leave your system in three days that is a myth lol.. It really depends on how much you do and how good it is.. Ive dropped dirty for cocaine like 5 days after.. Ive also dropped dirty for cocaine and all I was doing was boy guess you really never know what your getting..


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## drunken marauder

Oh yea I forgot to mention that instant test are like super easy to boost from drug stores...


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## finn

veggieguy12 said:


> Is salicylic acid available beyond as active ingredient in "Oxy" brand anti-acne wipe-pads or cremes or whatever?
> 
> Now who *did* I hear that from?!?...



Regular aspirin is salicylic acid.


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## RideMoreTrains

you can buy synthetic urine online for about 25 bucks. i have used this shit before as I used to get random drug tests for my job. i think i passed 5 or 6 tests with it no problem. i'll find the exact product later if anyone is interested. mix it up and put it in a small 2 oz bottle with hand warmers. when your ready to take the test secrete it right behind your balls if your male. wear some tight underwear so it stays in place. 
usually when you go get a drug test for a job they just check pockets, but sometimes they do a pat down. when they pat down they never check the area around the privates. its very important you do a few tests runs before hand so you can get the temperature of the synthetic urine right. if the urine is to cold, or to hot it will be rejected. 

taking random ass 'detox' products or using products to dilute your urine donesn't work and it will be detected. synthetic urine works. i can get the 4 other potheads i worked with to come in here and confirm synthetic piss too.


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## bobNkamille

ArrowInOre said:


> BTW, the amount of THC that holds in the human body is supposedly based on your body fat. So like Mouse, you may not hold it in your system for very long, petite thing that you are. But my old obese ass would be screwed if i took a u.a....At least or an extra week or two over the typical 30 days blah blah blah. No, really if i smoked in say March 1st, I would probably show + till like the middle of April. Grrrrrrr. There for I assume that fat hippies have a fucked time finding jobs, ha ha. Gelatin trick a VERY new one on me, will have to check that out, hmmmm....



i am 5'1 1/2" 120 and thc held up in my body for a long time surprisingly it sucked


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## IBRRHOBO

I did a nickle of some complimentary time and if you're on REAL probation here's some real friendly advice. First all the stories about urine and condoms (which doesn't seem to apply to you), etc. could work. Your problem is, as Stove's pointed out, temperature. Should be a strip on the side of the bottle. And let's keep this thing REAL. What are you gonna do? Shove someone eles's shit up in you PRIOR to going in and hope it don't break? Also, the PO generally watches you piss, right? If not, you're in a place I NEED to come and commit crime as that's STANDARD protocol. Now that the rants over for background, let's look at some options that are TRIED and TRUE:

Porn joints generally carry detox products. Just get the name, pull their website up, research their chemicals and cross-reference as to whether or not they are diuretics. I used detoxl's stuff back in the day. Used to have a website, but the porn joint out here still carries 'em. I don't buy them anymore, my old lady and I simply like the First Amendment.

Now, the old water game. Yup, good way to go upstate REAL fucking quick! Why? A diluted sample is the same as a DIRTY sample in the eyes of the law! I know!

You can get a 5 panel tester and a COC strip for about $10 bux and check ur shit in advance anywayz. Pot is your 30+ day hit. Bad shit as I don't care how skinny you are it's gonna hold. Coke 3-5 days. Your pills and shit depend on quantity and bank on 30.

Abstinenece is the best policy, but you aren't gonna do that. So, I'd HIGHLY recommend you wave off on any of the folk remedies and get some cash and do some research. I called my buddy to see what she's on and will post it when I find out. Good luck!


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## RideMoreTrains

Most head shops sell detox as well. If you go in there tell them you have 'toxins' in your body and you want to remove them. They'll know what you're talking about. If you go in there saying your piss is dirty from smoking weed, or doing some other drug they want sell to you.


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## wokofshame

hey does the heat of your crotch keep the bottle at 98 degrees if it's behind yr scrotum?
or do you really need the handwarmers?


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## IBRRHOBO

I never used handwarmers. However, I'd experiment, which is exactly what I did PRIOR to dropping the piss. Also, watch out if you're using a harness not to let it ride above your underwear.


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## RideMoreTrains

Check this video out. it uses the same basic concept i was talking about. mixing synthetic urine into a small 2 oz bottle and rubber banding hand warmers around it. its important to do practice runs with this method. i always used hand warmers. i'm not sure how warm it would stay in a bottle without them even if its behind your balls. i never used one but these guys even put a temperature gauge on the bottle. 

you can also buy a product called the urinator. its quite pricey but its a fake penis that is hooked up to batteries that keep the synthetic urine at exactly the correct temperature. apparently its completely silent too. might want to check that out if you have to piss for a PO


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## IBRRHOBO

This is why I gotta laugh my fucking ass off!!!!! Now, if you're going into a job UA, yeah, they're going to put you in a sterile room and that's that. In the fucking Parole/Probabtion office the PO is LOOKING at your fuicking DICK/VAGINA. You aren't gonna waltz in, take a cup, close the door, be hidden for as long as you want and then give the cup back!

Oh, I agree it'll work for a job interview as I UA'd for the Union many a time, but this folks are talking about PO's here!


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## drunken marauder

Hey IBRR Michigan is Hilarious on their parole stuff.. I'm on a b prefix.. The last time I dropped dirty it was on an instant test and it was for everything like 7 panel  hahahahahaaa and my po was like were not gonna have a habit of this. I dont care what my supervisor says I'll put you in jail.. I dont know if I mentioned the powdered bleach in my last post but when I cared Id sprinkle a little of that in the cup. And here in MI I guess probation wont take diluted tests but I would fight that in court cause I've been hospitalized for dehydration a few times now and dammit I drink water no law agianst that I'd just have to plead guilty for drinking water and they can just eat a fat one... If you want to put me in jail for a week cause I drink water to stay healthy I'm writing a letter to the editor and let the tax payers know where they're money is going..


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## IBRRHOBO

Yeah, you can always file a Habeas and shit, but hell you're stuck on a no-bond ringer. I agree, though, you'd (perhaps anyone) would beat it. In reality what most PO's will do, due to the overcrowding and budget crisis, is hold you over to sweat you a little and then farm you out to treatment. The treatment (in/outpatient) will depend on how you stack your cards w/the evaluation.

Yeah, in the big house guys used Borax to blow the chart. We also sprinkled it around the bunks and cell gates to burn the dog's nose when it came in.

Hope your parole goes well and welcome back to the free world, bro!


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## Ubi

Geoff said:


> if you're a guy get someone to pee in a condom. and tie it. (obviously someone who is sober, pay a straightedge kid or something) than when the person administering is watching you bust it out from the inside of your pants and poke it with a safety pin. it's pretty gross but as long as they don't catch you in the act you should be good.



I got some guy to pee in a condom for me, then I stashed it in my panties. Apparently the area surrounding my vag is warm enough, and they couldn't tell/didn't check gender. This definitely wouldn't work for a PO though, just employment drug testing. I tried one of those head shop cleansing drinks once and failed horribly. Real pee is where it's at.


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## Mouse

that quick fix shit looks great for trying to get a job  good idea


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## blacklines

Sonne's #7 or other "intestinal cleanse" that contains Bentonite. bentonite is a ball clay, or a clay with really small particles that make it extremely absorbent. Drink the whole bottle over the course of a week before the test, though Ive heard it working even the night before.... Does not dilute the sample and is not excreted with urine which means it cannot be tested for. I have personally seen this used for PO tests time and again without issue. This was in the context of THC, couldn't vouch for anything harder.


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## Mouse

so far my new P.O. doesn't seem to give a shit about her job so she hasn't pissed me since I switched to her back in nov 08. 

sometimes I just want a lil weed to ease the boredumb of this place.


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## PoopfaceMcGizzle

don't count on niacin, ever. it helps to loosen up a *little* thc from your fat, but unless you're a naturally skinny person it won't help much. in 3 years on STL county drug court (with 3-4 tests a week) everyone i knew who used niacin save one dropped dirty and got locked up. the only natural way that i know works most of time only works for certain people. if you're naturally really scrawny and have a few days to prepare drink a few gallons of water a day and make sure to spend at least 2 hours running. keep your diet minimal to stop any new fat storage. this doesn't help most women though as they have a higher natural fat storage. without detox products most fixes don't work for girls near as well, sorry. and on the comment that being skinny doesn't help with the timetable for pot, NIDA did a study a year or two back confirming it does make a big difference. i'll link it when i find it again. & i've never failed a piss test as long as i quit 2 weeks before.


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## jdrakeh

Cheating tests depends on what kind of test you're taking. Strips/cups/tracks are pretty easy to beat by drinking lots of water prior to the test. A true spectral analysis is almost impossible to beat, as it will break down and isolate _everything_ in your urine (bleach, water, etc). The only 100% sure way to beat that level of testing is to not use prior to the test. Fortunately, such test are usually reserved for "special" felons due to their prohibitive cost.


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## Teko

the best was and the easiest without harming your body for me has been to take charcoal pills and drink cranberry juice! although it needs to be 100% pure cranberry juice! and take about 10 charcoal pills with an entire gallon of cranberry juice, i promise you, you will piss clean urine. i smoked a blunt, took the pills and juice and in 24 hours im good to piss for whom ever! ive beaten several piss test and swab test with this method!! it works..!


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## Winter

DONT use naicin...too many places test for that now. I've never been on probation...but I've had to pass a few piss tests for jobs. I either got someone to piss in a small bottle (like a trial size shampoo bottle or a lil bigger) before i went...heated it up in the microwave to get it a lil extra warm (yes...you heard me correct lol) then stuffed in in my panties right up to my stuff right before i walked in. it remained warm enough and i passed. easy. for an observed test that i took....i took quick flush caps. it sucked but i passed. i had to take like 16 fucking pills and drink a shit load of water...but it did work!


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## Teko

charcoal pills and cranberry juice.
10-15(depending on your weight) and 1 gallon of cranberry juice(*100% juice*) in 24 hours. You will pass your piss test.


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## Teko

yea way to be stoned and not see i already posted that.


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## happyearthhomes

My wife is a microbiologist and she runs a urinalysis spectrum machine for a drug testing location and we have experimented with many different products the most effective thing we found was the actual machine control samples which you can order online at http://www.4qc.com/products/urinalysis/dipper.html this is what they use to test the accuracy of the urinalysis spectrum machine it is synthetic piss that they use as a control the only problem is that you need 2 samples to get enough fluid for a standard fill to the line piss test


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## shwillyhaaa

id listen to him ^


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## smarts

sure-jell and gaterade...super cheap, super cheap, super effective


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## acrata4ever

silicone glove filled with clean pee, attached to a small plastic hose bent back closed and a small rubber band. if youre a female it goes up your jimi jo. if youre male it goes up your shitter and surface adhesion makes it run down your jinga janga just say its dribbling because of an enlarged prostate or stage fright. this should keep the piss at 98.6


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## robbaked

MURT said:


> Well I don't know if you can get a fake vagina but High Times always has adds for this deal called "the Whizzinator" which is a strap-on rubber penis and ball sac.
> The rubber scrotum actually is a reservoir for fake pee/someone else's pee.
> google it


I used the whizzenator for a while and it worked like a charm. Dude was looking over my shoulder while i was pissing and everything. It's worth it if you can find a used one for cheap. Drinking mad water with b-12 worked for me too. Flush the system!


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## acrata4ever

i heard of people gettin busted with the whizzenator


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## bIackswan

you pass a piss test the same why you piss a pass test.


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## RSTY802510

5 hour energy shots have a lot of niacin so take a bunch off them and drink a lot of water. Youll get a false positive but it's better then positive. I do it just to fuck with my p.o.

I've heard you can take shots off apple cider vinager to help flush your system too,and if you get blood tested too like I did there's really no way out. That i know at least. Best ways is just don't do drugs. Or smoke spice or k2 untill you get off probation.


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## RSTY802510

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synthetic_cannabis 
Just be careful lots of side effects to this shit.


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