# Borderline personality disorder



## croc (Jun 15, 2020)

Any other hoes out here with bpd who wanna share info/resources/etc so we can try to be Less Crazy™ together? 

Anyone have bpd but learned how to manage it without medication? 

Anyone "not have bpd anymore" ? Idk some people say u can be "cured" or "grow out of it" with time and therapy since it's usually a trauma response. Idk if I believe that to be true but it sure would be nice because this is A W F U L A N D I W O U L D L I K E T O N O T B E T H I S


Here's some bpd memes:


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## roamingsnake (Jun 15, 2020)

Disclaimer: AGH so the last time I was inpatient, my therapist says to me that I'm showing a lot of symptoms of bpd and we should talk about it. I agree, bring it up multiple times, and get discharged before we ever actually do, so I'm not officially diagnosed. I also deal with imposter syndrome, so basically always questioning whether I *really* experience these symptoms or whether I *really* have major Depressive disorder, so the short version is:

I experience all the symptoms, as told by multiple friends AND therapists, but since I was never diagnosed I feel that I can't comment without expressly pointing out the context. 

--

So anyway, as far as dealing with symptoms, I've found that what works best for me is journaling and (highly uncomfortable) conversation. For example, if I'm starting to obsess over the fact that my partner might only be telling me that they like my conversations but really find me annoying and boring as shit... I confront that. 

If I'm having trouble verbalizing, I write that shit down in a letter and text them about the fact that I have it before I can chicken out. Usually, the anxiety of waiting for them to read overpowers and I end up word vomiting my worries all over the place. I tell them bluntly that, "I worry you actually find me annoying and uninteresting, and I know it's probably not true, but I can't help but obsess and it's making me feel really insecure." I might then explain my rationalizations. 

If I can't talk to other people, that's where the Journaling REALLY plays a role. I know when I'm in a state/heavily symptomatic, I'm not in a logical headspace. Logging my experiences and feelings can help me map out what's going on and work on the patterns and traps that I fall into. It helps me feel productive about my issues and enables me to problem solve more effectively. 

Above all, I try to remember that I won't always be successful, but that I DO learn from my mistakes, even when it feels like I'm cycling. Acknowledging it is the first step, and taking action, however small, is extremely difficult and very important at any size. 

I try to apply this to other areas (when I'm depressed, anxious, etc), and I find that communication and writing are great for feeling less stuck.


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## ItsAWastelandBaby (Jun 15, 2020)

roamingsnake said:


> Disclaimer: AGH so the last time I was inpatient, my therapist says to me that I'm showing a lot of symptoms of bpd and we should talk about it. I agree, bring it up multiple times, and get discharged before we ever actually do, so I'm not officially diagnosed. I also deal with imposter syndrome, so basically always questioning whether I *really* experience these symptoms or whether I *really* have major Depressive disorder, so the short version is:
> 
> I experience all the symptoms, as told by multiple friends AND therapists, but since I was never diagnosed I feel that I can't comment without expressly pointing out the context.
> 
> ...


No idea what I have but it's something, just wanna say journaling had helped me immeasurably as well. Especially a technique called direct writing, where you just word vomit onto paper without even forming thoughts first. Many times I've let stuff out that I was bottling up without even realizing it that way.


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## Daisy (Jun 15, 2020)

I definitely have extreme bipolar and appreciate this thread alot. Like @roamingsnake said I struggle to communicate, especially/specifically through texts or posts because I physically presume negatively or hostility mentally initially. @croc the 1st, 3rd, and 5th pictures hit all the way home for me without a doubt. If anyone's curious to how this shit has me seeing and treating myself I recommend viewing my resent post .... I'm honestly not sure how much more I can take. Also medless but I do see therapy.


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## ItsAWastelandBaby (Jun 15, 2020)

Daisy said:


> I definitely have extreme bipolar and appreciate this thread alot. Like @roamingsnake said I struggle to communicate, especially/specifically through texts or posts because I physically presume negatively or hostility mentally initially. @croc the 1st, 3rd, and 5th pictures hit all the way home for me without a doubt. If anyone's curious to how this shit has me seeing and treating myself I recommend viewing my resent post .... I'm honestly not sure how much more I can take. Also medless but I do see therapy.


  I hope you can get back on the horse and keep drawing, sorry you have to go through that


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## Daisy (Jun 16, 2020)

ItsAWastelandBaby said:


> I hope you can get back on the horse and keep drawing, sorry you have to go through that



I'm sure I eventually will, thank you. I've got shit I need to deal with before I can find my creative process but until then I'm just taking it one day at a time.


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## Mongoliito (Jun 17, 2020)

onlly slightly related because mental disorder but i was bi polar. maybe it was a misdiagnosis and really it was major depressive disorder who knows but yeah it went away when i started praying every night. not pushing an agenda, just saying i tried things to better my life and found something that worked for me and the bipolar issues cleared up ive now been 4+ months without any episodes. i do still have some pretty deep apathy and personal issues but no more bi polar and life is much more tolerable and even more enjoyable. i think it was def a coping issue of mine that i grew out of


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## roamingsnake (Jun 18, 2020)

ItsAWastelandBaby said:


> No idea what I have but it's something, just wanna say journaling had helped me immeasurably as well. Especially a technique called direct writing, where you just word vomit onto paper without even forming thoughts first. Many times I've let stuff out that I was bottling up without even realizing it that way.



I think this is where you can get some of the best insight; when you're not trying to edit as you write or write for any kind of audience (including yourself), more likely to be a bit more honest. 

Additionally, keeping up with the positive coping skills is vital to maintaining and improving. This is one of the biggest ones: *DON'T STOP USING POSITIVE SKILLS/MEDS/AFFIRMATIONS/ETC JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL BETTER. *

Part of the reason why you feel better is directly related to how you manage your methods. I know so, so many people--myself included--who stopped using positive coping skills or went slack with them because they felt better, then ended up right back in the hospital not too far down the road. 

Meds are another big one; being responsible with them is important. Sometimes, you just can't afford them anymore, and if you try EVERYTHING else and still can't scrounge up enough, taper, taper, taper. Research the med you're using Extensively, talk to a medical professional if you can, and take it slowly.


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## roamingsnake (Jun 18, 2020)

straight face said:


> I Love lamp? I love floor?
> Stop looking at things and just saying you love them


That isn't what I was saying at all, and I'm not sure where you got that from. I'm specifically discussing how using the good coping skills a person has found works for them specifically (such as those listed) as opposed to only falling back on bad coping skills (substance abuse, self harm, isolating, etc) is necessary for maintaining good mental health hygiene. If you're referring to my mention of affirmations... 

They work for some people, and the idea isn't to look at random things at all. That's actually completely contrary to the point.


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## roamingsnake (Jun 18, 2020)

straight face said:


> It was a joke from the movie anchorman with Will Ferrell


My mistake! I am very much out of touch with a an embarrassing amount of movies, and got a little bit confused. One of those that I intended to watch but never got around to (I am very easily confused). Thank you for clarifying!

EDIT: Typos


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## Mongoliito (Jun 18, 2020)

I think the world is a giant testing grounds. I'm starting my walk from e one corner of Washington to the other today. I'll ttyl


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## Deleted member 28239 (Jun 19, 2020)

.


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## Matt Derrick (Jun 20, 2020)

@Yody not sure why you removed your post, but i thought it was a good one and i identified with it, just so you know.


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## dprogram (Jun 20, 2020)

croc said:


> Any other hoes out here with bpd who wanna share info/resources/etc so we can try to be Less Crazy™ together?
> 
> Anyone have bpd but learned how to manage it without medication?
> 
> ...



BPD - what a horrific feeling it must be. I recently had to get out of a 5-6 year relationship with a grrl who exhibited those symptoms.

My suggestionps is to get the Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook. I have PTSD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc. It teaches you to catch yourself in your "moment"then deal with it in a better manner. It's hard work. But very helpful. I wish you the best! Peace 

https://www.ebay.com/i/303585854965...1291&msclkid=defede7a9dae17946dbe8094b8aba3d3


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## croc (Jun 20, 2020)

@dprogram 
The best way I can describe bpd before learning to manage it was that my insides, everything inside me, was screaming screaming screaming and I had to just try to function thru it. So yeah, it fuckin sucked lol. But with hella therapy n finally the right diagnosis and right medication, it got a lot easier. 

i honestly never considered buying the workbook but that not a bad idea. If u have one, are u able to tell me about the size/weight? I live on the road so that part is a factor for me. 
I currently have some worksheets from my last therapist. Instead of writing on them, I write my answers or whatever on another paper so I can reuse the worksheet and also show other ppl without them seeing my personal shit. 

My therapist wasn't trained in dbt but she worked with me on it in whatever ways she could. But the dbt stuff really has helped a lot. Until recently I was on Lamictal and am just about weaned off now. It's just scary to lose that like... Moment of hesitation that I have when I'm medicated before making impulsive decisions. It's been harder to manage anger and anxiety. But still manageable.


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## croc (Jun 20, 2020)

roamingsnake said:


> Additionally, keeping up with the positive coping skills is vital to maintaining and improving. This is one of the biggest ones: *DON'T STOP USING POSITIVE SKILLS/MEDS/AFFIRMATIONS/ETC JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL BETTER. *
> 
> Part of the reason why you feel better is directly related to how you manage your methods. I know so, so many people--myself included--who stopped using positive coping skills or went slack with them because they felt better, then ended up right back in the hospital not too far down the road.



THIS.


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## dprogram (Aug 1, 2020)

Learn (read) about breathing. Being mindful. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by literally everything that my thoughts snowball. I'll have 5 songs playing in my head at once. My mind will feel like a fishbowl with millions of words. Anxiety is hard. But when you learn to control your breathing....it will stop the panic attack...or at least ease it. Lay down. Breathe in as deeply as you can. Then slowly exhale. COUNT as you inhale and exhale. It may sound silly - but breathing is the only thing you can really control. It's helped me more than any prescription. Pot helps. I wish you the best. You can do this and it's free...and works


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## dprogram (Aug 1, 2020)

roamingsnake said:


> I think this is where you can get some of the best insight; when you're not trying to edit as you write or write for any kind of audience (including yourself), more likely to be a bit more honest.
> 
> Additionally, keeping up with the positive coping skills is vital to maintaining and improving. This is one of the biggest ones: *DON'T STOP USING POSITIVE SKILLS/MEDS/AFFIRMATIONS/ETC JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL BETTER. *
> 
> ...


You'd be a great therapist. I give you massive (((hugs))) for the great advice I've seen in your posts. I hope our paths cross one day.


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## dprogram (Aug 1, 2020)

Mongoliito said:


> onlly slightly related because mental disorder but i was bi polar. maybe it was a misdiagnosis and really it was major depressive disorder who knows but yeah it went away when i started praying every night. not pushing an agenda, just saying i tried things to better my life and found something that worked for me and the bipolar issues cleared up ive now been 4+ months without any episodes. i do still have some pretty deep apathy and personal issues but no more bi polar and life is much more tolerable and even more enjoyable. i think it was def a coping issue of mine that i grew out of


Praying is simply reaffirming to yourself the things that you want to hear. Glad its worked for you though!


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## roamingsnake (Aug 8, 2020)

@dprogram Thank you!! Right before I passed the point of coverage--my dad worked for a community college where I was able to get classes covered until I had to move out--I had actually decided to switch my degree back to therapy (went from general psych->philosophy->social worker/therapy), and if school wasn't so damned expensive I would still be working on it! 

Anyway, I think sharing experiences and perspectives is a fantastic way for people to learn and puzzle out what works for them. It's part of the reason why group therapy can work so well, daunting though it may be, and so I always try to share whenever there's even a little bit of related experience on my end; you never know who might have that light bulb moment. 

Here's to crossing paths and continuing to learn and grow alongside one another!


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## dprogram (Aug 12, 2020)

I fully agree.


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## Ozarknomad (Oct 4, 2020)

Finally, a post I can add something to! I'm a clinical social worker, so this is literally what I do. Yes!! Absolutely you can manage BPD without meds, but it will take loads of processing, hardcore motivation and a fair amount of work. Therapy is expensive, but you can do it on your own- you just have to motivate yourself to do the work. Does that make sense? I'm attaching a DBT skills workbook to this post. It is one of the most evidenced-based treatment plans for BPD. If you were my client, I'd ask you to devote a bit of time every day, don't rush- remember it's about retaining not finishing. I'd want you to find a quiet place to go through the steps in the book. Don't skip ahead. It's all important. Maybe a candle, music if its not distracting, whatever makes you feel comfortable but also still mindful. Can you get a just a cheap notebook to journal and work these skills?

If you've been diagnosed with BPD, and are googling for info, I think the most important thing to remember is that there are NINE possible criteria and a person only needs to meet five for a diagnosis. Meaning, there are hundreds of combinations of symptoms that meet dx criteria, so your BPD might not look like what you see online. (It really should be a spectrum disorder, but our DSM fails there).

So, I had a whole other thing typed out, but I'm afraid of overwhelming you. I think the DBT skills will be a great place to start. Also, I'm new here, so I don't know if you can message me, but if yes, please do.


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## AG Golda (Jan 6, 2021)

croc said:


> Any other hoes out here with bpd who wanna share info/resources/etc so we can try to be Less Crazy™ together?
> 
> Anyone have bpd but learned how to manage it without medication?
> 
> ...


Hi, me!!! I was diagnosed first with anxiety and depression in My teens, then with bipolar and bpd in early twenties, was an alcoholic for a while, then got sober and they doctors got hold of me and put me on a dozen pill types a day till I was a walking zombie and puking blood almost every day. Im 30 now and I have quit all my pills two years ago because I learned about glykoalkaloid plants. These are caffeine, nicotine, cocaine, solanine, to name a few. Solanine is not spoken about enough but it is in foods we eat every day: potatoes, tomatoes, eggplants, cayenne pepper, bell peppers. Glycoalkaloids give nightmares, depression, psychosis, anxiety, and if ingested once a day, a "sensitive" person like myself might find my mind constantly plagued since effects can last up to 36 hours. I decided that after a lifetime of suicidal thoughts and destructive behavior, I would quit my pills AND glycoalkaloids as one last shot, since I felt I had tried eeeverything else. This changed my life. Of course I still have episodes, if heavily provoked. And of course I don't always have the best reactions. When these things happen, they now seem easier to navigate and to get through, the whole thought process started to change naturally. I do smoke, but the amount of this that some people consume in a day without realizing it, is insane. I know how it sounds, but do a little digging if you feel up to it! Was worth it for me.


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## Lin (Jan 11, 2021)

croc said:


> Anyone have bpd but learned how to manage it without medication?
> 
> Anyone "not have bpd anymore" ? Idk some people say u can be "cured" or "grow out of it" with time and therapy


I've been pretty stable off meds for a while. It's less having it go away (would be nice) and more finding ways to manage it that are easy to keep up with and preferably fun.

For mania/paranoia, I try to think _harder, _not faster. Force myself to process clearly instead of letting gut feelings take the lead. Active breathing and writing things out on cardboard helps.

The worst is when my sleep cycle gets fucked. Between barely sleeping and sleeping forever, I force myself to nap whenever even slightly tired or exercise for that "artificial" endorphin kick.

I'm no doctor or anything close, but having an emergency stash of meds I can taper up/down is nice. Stress, especially stressful people, tends to set me off so I try to avoid that if at all possible.

Alcohol sends me to depression Hell every time, but I've been ok with weed so far.

Edit: just realized BPD wasn't bipolar, mb. Hopefully some of this still helps.


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## croc (Jan 12, 2021)

Ozarknomad said:


> Finally, a post I can add something to! I'm a clinical social worker, so this is literally what I do. Yes!! Absolutely you can manage BPD without meds, but it will take loads of processing, hardcore motivation and a fair amount of work. Therapy is expensive, but you can do it on your own- you just have to motivate yourself to do the work. Does that make sense? I'm attaching a DBT skills workbook to this post. It is one of the most evidenced-based treatment plans for BPD. If you were my client, I'd ask you to devote a bit of time every day, don't rush- remember it's about retaining not finishing. I'd want you to find a quiet place to go through the steps in the book. Don't skip ahead. It's all important. Maybe a candle, music if its not distracting, whatever makes you feel comfortable but also still mindful. Can you get a just a cheap notebook to journal and work these skills?
> 
> If you've been diagnosed with BPD, and are googling for info, I think the most important thing to remember is that there are NINE possible criteria and a person only needs to meet five for a diagnosis. Meaning, there are hundreds of combinations of symptoms that meet dx criteria, so your BPD might not look like what you see online. (It really should be a spectrum disorder, but our DSM fails there).
> 
> So, I had a whole other thing typed out, but I'm afraid of overwhelming you. I think the DBT skills will be a great place to start. Also, I'm new here, so I don't know if you can message me, but if yes, please do.


Yo I am months behind on seeing this somehow, thank u! U can absolutely message me


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## Gin (Aug 13, 2022)

Daisy said:


> I'm sure I eventually will, thank you. I've got shit I need to deal with before I can find my creative process but until then I'm just taking it one day at a time.



Maybe you can picture journal & draw instead of write?


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## Daisy (Aug 16, 2022)

That's not a bad idea, right now not drinking and being active on this garden project im doing has been helping wonders. Eventually i want to work my way into doing journaling and doing creative projects again but for right now just being in a positive environment and working has done alot for my mood and outlook.


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