# the goddamn rapture is here!



## dharma bum

those who believe that the rapture will happen this saturday, may, 21, are the greatest! i really think they have it right! according to the "biblical calender" (which is found on the pages and chapters of the bible:
11,013 BCâ€”creation. god created the world and man (adam and eve).
4990 BCâ€”the flood of noahâ€™s day. all perished in a worldwide flood. only noah, his wife, and his 3 sons and their wives survived in the ark (6023 years from creation).
7 BCâ€”the year jesus christ was born (11,006 years from creation).
33 ADâ€”the year jesus christ was crucified and the church age began (11,045 years from creation; 5023 calendar years from the flood).
1988 ADâ€”this year ended the church age and began the great tribulation period of 23 years (13,000 years from creation).
1994 ADâ€”on september 7th, the first 2300-day period of the great tribulation came to an end and the latter rain began, commencing godâ€™s plan to save a great multitude of people outside of the churches (13,006 years from creation).
2011 ADâ€”on may 21st, judgment day will begin and the rapture (the taking up into heaven of godâ€™s elect people) will occur at the end of the 23-year great tribulation. on october 21st, the world will be destroyed by fire (7000 years from the flood; 13,023 years from creation).

that means that the universe is 13,023 years old....
CORRECT!!!

since this bible calendar is given by god in his word, it can be trusted wholeheartedly.

ONE DAY IS AS 1000 YEARS

the child of god has learned from the bible that the language of genesis 7 has a twofold meaning:
genesis 7:4 for yet seven days, and i will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that i have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.
historically, as god spoke these words, there were seven days remaining for Noah, his family, and the animals to get into the safety of the ark; but spiritually (and the bible is a spiritual book), god was speaking to all of the people of the world and was declaring that sinful mankind would have 7000 years to find refuge in the salvation provided by jesus christ. how can we know that? we know this is so based on what we read in 2 peter, chapter 3:
2 peter 3:6-8 whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished: but the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men. but, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.
the context of 2 peter 3 is extremely important! in the first few verses, god refers us to the destruction of the world by the flood during noahâ€™s day. then we find an interesting admonition that we ought not to be â€œignorantâ€ of one thing, which is, 1 day is as 1000 years, and 1000 years is as 1 day. immediately following this bit of information is a very vivid description of the end of the present world by fire.
what could god be telling us by identifying 1 day along with 1000 years?
since we recently have discovered the biblical calendar of history on the pages of the bible, we find that the flood of noahâ€™s day occurred in the year 4990 BC. this date is completely accurate. it was in the year 4990 BC that god revealed to noah that there would be yet 7 days until the flood of waters would be upon the earth. now, if we substitute 1000 years for each one of those 7 days, we get 7000 years. and when we project 7000 years into the future from 4990 BC, we find that it falls on the year 2011 AD.
4990 + 2011 = 7001
note: when counting from an old testament date to a new testament date, always subtract one year because there is no year zero, resulting in:
4990 + 2011 â€“ 1 = 7000 years exactly.
the year 2011 AD will be the 7000th year from the flood of noahâ€™s day. it will be the end of the length of time given to mankind to find grace in godâ€™s sight. this means that the time to find refuge in christ has grown extremely short. we are only a little ways off from the year 2011 AD!
it is not unusual that godâ€™s people have been given insight into the timing of the end of the world. actually, the bible tells us this is normally the case. in times past, god has warned his people of approaching periods of judgment:
amos 3:7 surely the lord GOD will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets.
hebrews 11:7 by faith noah, being warned of god of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith.
JUDGMENT DAY: MAY 21st, 2011

we know that the year 2011 is the 7000th year from the flood. we also know that god will destroy this world in that year. but when in 2011 will this occur?
the answer is amazing. letâ€™s take another look at the flood account in the book of genesis:
genesis 7:11 in the six hundredth year of noah's life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, the same day were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.
faithful to his word, god did bring the flood 7 days later in the 600th year, on the 17th day of the 2nd month of the calendar aligned with noahâ€™s lifespan. it was on this 17th day of the 2nd month that god shut the door on the ark, securing the safety of its occupants and also sealing the fate of everyone else in the world outside of the ark. they would all now certainly perish in that worldwide catastrophe.
genesis 7:16,17 and they that went in, went in male and female of all flesh, as god had commanded him: and the LORD shut him in. and the flood was forty days upon the earth; and the waters increased, and bare up the ark, and it was lift up above the earth.
earlier it was mentioned that the church age came to an end in the year 1988 AD. it so happens that the church age began on the day of pentecost (May 22nd) in the year 33 AD. Then 1955 years later, the church age came to its conclusion on may 21st, which was the day before pentecost in 1988.
the bible teaches that the end of the church age would occur simultaneously with the beginning of the great tribulation:
matthew 24:21 for then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be.
on may 21st, 1988, god finished using the churches and congregations of the world. the spirit of god left all churches and satan, the man of sin, entered into the churches to rule at that point in time. the bible teaches us that this awful period of judgment upon the churches would last for 23 years. A full 23 years (8400 days exactly) would be from may 21 st, 1988 until may 21st, 2011. this information was discovered in the bible completely apart from the information regarding the 7000 years from the flood.
therefore, we see that the full 23-year tribulation period concludes on may 21st, 2011. this date is the exact day that the great tribulation comes to its end, and this is also the most likely landing spot for the 7000 years from the flood of noahâ€™s day.
keep in mind that god shut the door on the ark on the 17th day of the 2nd month of noahâ€™s calendar. we also find that may 21 st, 2011 is the end of the great tribulation period. there is a strong relationship between the 2nd month and 17th day of noahâ€™s calendar and may 21st, 2011 of our gregorian calendar. this relationship cannot be readily seen until we discover that there is another calendar to consider, which is the hebrew (or biblical) calendar. may 21st, 2011 happens to be the 17th day of the 2nd month of the hebrew calendar. by this, god is confirming to us that we have a very correct understanding regarding the 7000-year timeline from the flood. may 21 st, 2011 is the equivalent date to the date when God shut the door on Noahâ€™s ark. Through this and much other Biblical information, we find that May 21 st, 2011 will be the day when God takes up into heaven His elect people. May 21st, 2011 will be Judgment Day! This is the day god shuts the door of salvation on the world.
in other words, in having the great tribulation period conclude on a day that identifies with the 17th day of the 2nd month of noahâ€™s calendar, god is without question confirming to us that this is the day he intends to shut forever the door of entry into heaven:
john 10:9 i am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.
the bible is very clear that christ is the only way into heaven. he is the only portal into the glorious kingdom of heaven.
Acts 4:12 neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.
once the door (jesus) is shut on judgment day, there is no more salvation possible on earth:
revelation 3:7 â€¦these things saith he that is holy, he that is true, he that hath the key of david, he that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth;
the bible teaches that on may 21st, 2011, only true believers elected by god to receive salvation will be raptured (taken up) out of this world to meet the lord in the air and forever be with the lord:
1 thessalonians 4:16,17 for the lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of god: and the dead in christ shall rise first: then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the lord.
all the rest of mankind (billions of people) will be left behind to experience the awful judgment of god, a horrible period of 5 months of torment upon earth:
revelation 9:3-5 and there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power. and it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of god in their foreheads. and to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.
THE END OF THE WORLD: OCTOBER 21st, 2011

by godâ€™s grace and tremendous mercy, he is giving us advanced warning as to what He is about to do. on judgment day, may 21st, 2011, this 5-month period of horrible torment will begin for all the inhabitants of the earth. it will be on may 21st that god will raise up all the dead that have ever died from their graves. earthquakes will ravage the whole world as the earth will no longer conceal its dead (isaiah 26:21). people who died as saved individuals will experience the resurrection of their bodies and immediately leave this world to forever be with the lord. those who died unsaved will be raised up as well, but only to have their lifeless bodies scattered about the face of all the earth. death will be everywhere.
the lord also emphasizes these awful 5 months of destruction in the final verse of genesis, chapter 7:
genesis 7:24 and the waters prevailed upon the earth an hundred and fifty days.
five months after may 21st, 2011 will be october 21st, 2011. it so happens that october 21st of 2011 is also the last day of the biblical feast of tabernacles (held simultaneously with the feast of ingathering). tabernacles is held in the 7th month of the hebrew calendar. the way god speaks of this feast in the bible is very significant:
exodus 23:16 â€¦the feast of ingathering, which is in the end of the year, when thou hast gathered in thy labours out of the field.
exodus 34:22 and thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, of the firstfruits of wheat harvest, and the feast of ingathering at the year's end.
the feast of tabernacles / ingathering was said to be in the â€œend of the yearâ€ even though it was observed in the Hebrew 7th month, which is not the end of the year. the reason for this is that the spiritual fulfillment of this particular feast is the end of the world. the date october 21st, 2011 will be the last day of the feast of tabernacles and the last day of earthâ€™s existence. the bible describes what will take place on october 21st, 2011 in the following passage:
2 peter 3:10 but the day of the lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
along with the entire world and universe, all those who have sinned against god and were left behind will likewise be consumed by this fire and be eternally destroyed:
2 thessalonians 1:8,9 in flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not god, and that obey not the gospel of our lord jesus christ: who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the lord, and from the glory of his power;
on october 21st, 2011, god will completely destroy this creation and all of the people who never experienced the salvation of jesus christ along with it. the awful payment for their sinful rebellion against god will be completed by the loss of everlasting life. on october 21st, 2011, all of these poor people will cease to exist from that point forward. how sad that noble man, made in godâ€™s image, will die like a beast and perish forever:
psalm 49:12 nevertheless man being in honour abideth not: he is like the beasts that perish.
there is much more to share. But please, dear soul, be warned that the time for salvation is drawing to a rapid close! god has given the world 7000 years from the flood, and now only a few days remain until we reach may 21st, 2011. before we know it, time will have run completely out. the few grains of sand remaining in our hourglass will have elapsed and be gone forever. although little time remains, there is still wonderful hope for anyone today:
2 corinthians 6:2 (for he saith, i have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)
it does not take god much time at all to save someone. in the last hours of a terribly sinful life, the thief on the cross was saved by christ:
luke 23:42,43 and he said unto jesus, lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. and jesus said unto him, verily I say unto thee, to day shalt thou be with me in paradise.
revelation 7:9,13,14 after this i beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, and kindreds, and people, and tongues, stood before the throne, and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, and palms in their hands; â€¦what are these which are arrayed in white robes? and whence came they? and I said unto him, sir, thou knowest. And he said to me, these are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the lamb.
god saves through the hearing of the word of god and no other way:
romans 10:17 so then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of god.
Read the Bible with all your family (especially your children); and along with your reading, pray for mercy. pray to the merciful and gracious god of the bible that he might deliver you from the approaching destruction. we learn a little about godâ€™s tremendous compassion in the book of jonah. god also gave advance warning to the people of nineveh regarding the destruction of their city:
jonah 3:4-9 and jonah began to enter into the city a day's journey, and he cried, and said, yet forty days, and nineveh shall be overthrown. so the people of nineveh believed god, and proclaimed a fast, and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them even to the least of them. for word came unto the king of nineveh, and he arose from his throne, and he laid his robe from him, and covered him with sackcloth, and sat in ashes. and he caused it to be proclaimed and published through nineveh by the decree of the king and his nobles, saying, let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste any thing: let them not feed, nor drink water: but let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto god: yea, let them turn every one from his evil way, and from the violence that is in their hands. who can tell if god will turn and repent, and turn away from his fierce anger, that we perish not?
god did not destroy the people of nineveh. although there is no possibility that god will not follow through on his intention to destroy the world in 2011, we can know from his dealings with the people of nineveh that god is tenderhearted and full of mercy. this should encourage each one of us to go to god and beseech him for his great mercy.

believe everything i tell you.







repent, and spend the rest of eternity laughing at the sinners!!!


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## Earth

I knew there was a reason I observed Lent for once....


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## Puckett

wow that was alot to read and alot of math. 
im going to hell so i better buy some beer


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## MrD

wwwwwwaaaayyyy tl;dr!


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## Sc0ut

heaven is a place, a place where nothing, nothing ever happens


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## Eadoin

at least in hell theres rock'n roll, it aint no jesus christ


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## Dmac

get real, everyone knows that it will end on dec 21, 2012.


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## katbastard

looking foreword all the fucking Christians to leave, and if they dont i will laugh my Buddhist ass off


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## pigpen

w00t! rapture party at my place!


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## Monkeywrench

I wonder if the Crustians on here are excited.


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## christianarchy

Monkeywrench said:


> I wonder if the Crustians on here are excited.


 
Yup. Every Christian adheres completely to the ideas of the rapture and young earth creationism. And don't forget church authority. We are all the same.


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## plagueship

what the shit?

did you know there was some guy who made a ton of money with this website where fundies can sign up to make sure that anyone who emails them after the rapture will get a "sorry, i've been raptured" auto response. wish i was that guy. talk about dang ol tom sawyer sellin chances to paint a fence!

also i saw some old guy on the higway with a hand-written sign about may 21 on his enormous beige motorcycle with florida plates. i considered trying to spook him somehow but i wound up just sitting there wondering what it feels like to be that fucking gullible. "ohmygosh preacher said the end times a gonna come, better put everything i own on my motorcycle and drive up to gayachusetts to warn them to repent!"


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## bryanpaul

"repent, and spend the rest of eternity laughing at the sinners!!! "

that doesnt sound very christianlike


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## Diagaro

yea, tl;dr don't care. if and when it comes I'm gettin drunk and takin the most badass car I can find sittin around and getting twisted and gonna smash the empty roads till I get bored with that then I gonna grab some crustys and drag em over to the marina and we gonan have drunken orgies on the biggest boat we can find out in the water, fuck worrien about canibals and shit.


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## shwillyhaaa

fuck i need a cigarette, some slutty women, and a good insurance policy for my pirate ship. see you guys in hell, maybe satan will let me by with some hash in my sock.


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## jughound

i stopped paying attention to the people that say the world is going to end over 10 years ago. but, this go around is about the fucking rapture... well... if this shit goes down at least only sane people will be left on earth.


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## L.C.

didn't he say he would come like a thief in the night in bible. Hey i'm gonna rob your house tommorrow, say around 3-4 o'clock. I'l call you if anything changes.


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## pigpen

Diagaro said:


> yea, tl;dr don't care. if and when it comes I'm gettin drunk and takin the most badass car I can find sittin around and getting twisted and gonna smash the empty roads till I get bored with that then I gonna grab some crustys and drag em over to the marina and we gonan have drunken orgies on the biggest boat we can find out in the water, fuck worrien about canibals and shit.


 
through reading this post i've gained a new-found appreciation for life. good thing i went on stp before kicking the chair out from under my feet.


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## shitbagdanny

thank god i'm in the woods. i'm gonna blast gorgoroth and walk around with a pistol starting at midnight for good measure.


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## Lizzzzz

shwillyhaaa said:


> fuck i need a cigarette, some slutty women, and a good insurance policy for my pirate ship. see you guys in hell, maybe satan will let me by with some hash in my sock.


 see ya there babe. i'll try my best to fit a spacebag up my ass too


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## rumblefumbletumbleweed

the rapture is coming! first sign: macho man is dead


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## bradupsthepunx

rapture rage


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## Earth

well, I've been listening to Brother Harold for quite sometime off and on via both shortwave and fm radio, and he's interesting enough.... I cat I used to work with turned me on to him.
I don't expect Brother Harold to be right - but I got to say he's put a whole lot of effort into figuring out this stuff, and that's good enough for me - if the bible is to be believed. 
As for tomorrow, I believe he's calling for Judgement Day to occur - while the actual end of the world is not until October, which coincidently is around the time that asteriod is supposed to pass by us and the moon or something (another topic for discussion, as 10 years ago they were thinking if it would be fesiable to nuke it) but either way - tomorrow later on I'll be hanging out in me front yard with me dog, tipping the jug and listening to The Gun Club "The Fire Of Love"........


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## Diagaro

pigpen said:


> through reading this post i've gained a new-found appreciation for life. good thing i went on stp before kicking the chair out from under my feet.


 
Wait, wat?


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## sons of vipers

christianarchy said:


> Yup. Every Christian adheres completely to the ideas of the rapture and young earth creationism. And don't forget church authority. We are all the same.


 
Hahahah. Oh man...laughed way too hard at this.


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## dharma bum




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## iamwhatiam

ha well i'm headed off to the nude beach on maui, then hooking up with a friend that grows some of the best medicinal on the island...so if anything happens, at least i will be too stoned to care!!!!  see you all in hell


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## Deleted member 125

Monkeywrench said:


> I wonder if the Crustians on here are excited.


 
daaaamn kris you just got told home boy.


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## Sc0ut

too much danglin meat at that beach


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## Puckett

for those who thing the rapture didnt come you are wrong, just turns out none of us were chosen. better luck next time guys


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## littlejasonsandiego

it actually turns out that the rapture is in october now...


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