# The struggle of Radical Parents with Patriarchy in a super sensitive millennial age where intrusive opinions & comments prevail.



## Deleted member 20 (Dec 11, 2018)

I am a radical & I am a parent. I am in a long term life partnership that is most easiest described as a marriage. We do not believe in another giving us legal permission to describe and prove our 15+ year relationship. Since we oppose structures of power, are tax resistors, nor religious; the idea has never even been considered. So we identify as married to fit in their boxes. We are a nuclear family of a mostly hetero far leftist couple. We homeschool/unschooled. Our teen child is an openly trans gay male (AFAB) and a childhood Stage 4 cancer survivor. In our personal & collective oppositions to capitalism, consumerism & opposition of traditional childhood to worker trajectory we do things a bit different. What is becoming more & more prevalent lately is being routinely and subversively challenged to our theory & practice. The most interesting dynamic is developing while interacting with predominantly millennial & occasionally queer friends/families, in alternative communities & with health "professionals" in gender management programs.

For the first time our lifestyle, politics & decision making are being challenged. Here is the scary part, we are not being challenged by any quote on quote traditional types. I could expect the wage slaves, amurican dream capitalists, benighted drones or from educational, social service bureaucrats and or from religious zealots; aka the norms of institutional patriarchy. Since there are established protocols for participating in transitional hormone therapy & future surgeries, the hospital staff & insurance require things like mental health counseling & Psych services. Now we are not Scientologists or anything but are skeptical about trying to place everyone into psychological boxes. Everyone is not suffering from underlying mental illness because we are all different. We are simply, human. We make mistakes & hopefully we learn from them.

What we notice is that others are challenging our internal family dynamic & power structure some. Our individual & or collective anarchist thought & practice is also being challenged from some who should be allies. With the emergence of feminism movements into the mainstream; there see to be misogyny & patriarchy witch hunts occurring. These new ideas of all masculinity being toxic, family gender & parental roles are being examined externally and superficially by casual spectators. It seems that the capitalists have won another round in their quest to control markets & labor. Current mainstream thoughts suggests & promotes all women needing to be in the workforce. Something that once was radical requiring solidarity & activism for equality has created even more infighting and classism in radical society. I see this as just another ploy for the privileged/elite class to squander our energy fighting allies instead of exposing the master architects.

Now I recognize that I am male, masculine & could appear to be authoritarian to some. Perhaps I can even be culpable of some or all of those things sometimes. Perhaps my shadow lurks ominously over my wife as we navigate life together. I am also an activist, advocate & protector of our clan while in solidarity of others struggles from oppression. Here & who is where we are starting to hear & see recurring opinionated themes. I must say that many millennial centric groups & individuals are super sensitive & lacking many experiences as to the complexities & contradictions that exist in middle age family life. Who would have thought that some fringe minority members from LGBTQ demographics would condemn & admonish "breeder" parents whom may appear outwardly heterosexual & potentially patriarchal. With family & group dynamics always being complex & dynamic, a outside looking in surface assessment can be misleading. With historic experience the basis of many subjective & presumed realities, a narrative is often created. Please lets not spin hypothetical or exaggerated narratives to bash our comrades. Lets not allow the privileges/elite class to always try to polarize us.

While i think of myself as an authority on much of how I live my intentional version of anarchist/socialist/activist life; I do not impose power & control over others intentionally. In a system where rank, class & wages prevail it is hard enough for me to fight the oppressive & bureaucratic systems that are so entrenched in capitalism. Lets not waste our energy constantly seeking out conflict with those who should be our allies & comrades. This class war should not be us versus us (oppressed) it should be us versus they as in them (elite). Do not simply assume that our child is of an oppressed class for having herto/trad parents. I do not seek to dismantle, compete or defend fellow working class & marginalized groups. Just because some 25 year old (general ageist statement but keep in mind that I once was age 25 too), he/she/they gets a degree and has found a place in their workforce or has some apprentice level understanding of their brave new world based on their personal & professional experiences; please do not disregard the rest of us. Some of us our journeymen with decades of practice, living & fighting for justice & equality through intentional living, direct action, nonviolence, civil disobedience some too while living in intentional poverty away from capitalism & consumerism. To live with intention & conviction while raising, teaching & protecting a child, family or group is difficult. Such personal responsibilities for protecting a child is a human tradition, regardless of gender roles.

I believe that capitalism is the greatest evil known to man! I think it to be so pervasive while it almost invisibly creates the exploitative & adversarial systems of control. Such systems encourage us not know who the enemy is; it encourages us wasting our energy & resources fighting each other. Chattel slavery with the masses not knowing how enslaved they are? Misdirection pervades our global society & economies creating philosophical & political differences that encourage competition while stifling cooperation/mutual aid. If you are queer, I am not your enemy. If you are straight I am not automatically your ally! I am an enemy to the empirical hegemony and patriarchy. This also means that I can be at war with my own personal involvement & continuation of inherited or chosen behaviors. I do not want others to judge me & evaluate my preexisting family unit down to an academic theory. Get to know me, walk a mile in our shoes. Sure we are radical, we are different to some but we are not inherently bad for this. Go after the hierarchical patriarchs who actually wield power & control; do not think of us as the enemy. 

While many would agree that the majority of the emerging millennial generation is overly sensitive & narcissistic they are also more & more radical, just like us. This is a good byproduct towards revolutionary anarchist practice. All millennial's are not pro or anti LBGTQ & obviously all LBGTQ people are not restricted to any ages or generational groups. If you are LBGTQ or a millennial this is not an attack. I am not automatically talking about you & assume that you oppose my beliefs, traits & lifestyle practices. I also do not speak for any or all anarchists besides myself. This is more of a personal comparison sliver between our generations & communities; both past & present. Its also an invitation if you think we are enemies or opposed. We should be allies!


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## Beegod Santana (Dec 11, 2018)

Well they say pc works in six year cycles and the one we're currently in kicked off in earnest around 2014/2015, so I guess we've got at least two more years of this. It's really sad to me that this always seems to happen within the leftist communities. Once people make a little ground collectively, infighting seems to be inevitable. Is it a natural progression, or is it a result of purposeful chaos fueled by those who are threatened by the masses working together? I really don't know, personally Id say it's probably a combination of both. Perhaps these hard swings to the extreme are a nessecary part of progress.


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## otch0z (Dec 11, 2018)

So as a 23yo cis woman who identifies as a feminist (and I did recognized myself in what you wrote), here's what I think. It is in no way an attack, and please keep in mind english is not my first language, and although I am more or less bilingual, the english language doesn't allow me to use shades as much as in my first language, which can sometimes lead to misunderstanding.




highwayman said:


> Now I recognize that I am male, masculine & could appear to be authoritarian to some. Perhaps I can even be culpable of some or all of those things sometimes





highwayman said:


> I do not impose power & control over others intentionally





highwayman said:


> This class war should not be us versus us (oppressed) it should be us versus they as in them (elite)



So I took the liberty of quoting these three extracts out of their context just to tell you what I see, and what I believe could be seen from an external point of view.

The thing is, (from what I understood), you were identified as a male and raised like one. That probably means you have internalized behaviours that "we" (as in "feminists" and, more widely, the people you're talking about, who have more or less only academic knowledge of this) condamn. You say that you don't do this stuff "intentionally", but does that mean you still do it ? Because if you do, the fact that you do it intentionally or not doesn't change anything to the result. 
This rings a bell because it's often used as an excuse to justify problematic behaviour : "I was raised like this !"

Then, I agree that people should ally against capitalism, and the elite class. However, that argument has a bad history too ; it has been used in the past to silence some social groups. If we talk about feminism, for example, it has been women versus patriarchy. But what about women of colour ? They would face patriarchy AND racism but had to choose one or the other in the name of allying, silencing one of the two struggles, which can't be good !

Now, I don't believe you're part of the people I've described, who use these kinds of arguments to get away with behaviour that is NOT okay. You seem like you learned about this, and also you guys sound like the coolest parents ever. What I've just written is not personal, but just an insight on how I could read the situation if I didn't know better. 
Also, thanks for your insight on "my" group of people. It's true that we have to be careful of who we fight with, and how we do it. 

Finally, all I have to say is... Sorry people are dumb sometimes, it must be frustrating for you to hear criticism and witness potential allies being so wrong they're doing the opposite of what you'd hope for. I too offer words of encouragement and I hope one day we can all stop and observe before judging.


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## Deleted member 20 (Dec 11, 2018)

I am actually trying to examine any part that I can/do play in the received criticism, opinions or suggestions that I hear. Since I am obviously frustrated, somewhat resentful, defensive & or discouraged after experiencing such patterns in mainstream society; STP is again a good platform to communicate & investigate such experiences. As I may have been unable to effectively respond in real time with those in question without causing unnecessary repercussions. Since the last person was not just an academic with a doctorate in a professional setting treating & diagnosing our child; but also openly a member of aforementioned communities. To have another attempt to decode the cultural, gender & sexuality of the environments & lifestyles that we choose to live without investigation was presumptive & wrong. The public disclosure, forced outing or assuming gay privilege over a straight looking couple is wrong, wrong & wrong. It is the same stereotypical stigmas in reverse of judging any book by its cover.

As mentioned language is also being stripped away from everyone in an era of political correctness. Tone is often analyzed & context deciphered. I have little in common with mainstream societal politics but must pretend to be civil in the face of passive aggressive "civil" unsolicited advice.

I am a fucking anarchist & socialist at my marrow, & have never once had to prove it to another human being. Can I only practice one or the other? It is individual to me & may resemble others and be collective but most certainly mine. Am I unique? Fuck NO! There is no identity test for being radical, nonviolent, vegan, feminist, gay, bi, trans etc. My masc/fem disposition also can lead to further misconceptions. Myself or others may have a hypothetical 4th degree blackbelt in any number of these areas, that wouldn't mean that i would wear the blackbelt out in public as a uniform. How about, military rank or arm bands? If I dont rock a mohawk & am cleancut does that somehow automatically align me Trump, with preps, or pro business. I hate the ideas that interpersonal terrorism occurs among people today where some feel empowered to claim ownership over agendas based on someones mere participation. Many of us participate & exist in 100s of different sub groups; lots were LGBTQ before many of us were born. Do they/we always need to pass, be elected or prove membership to belong? Could I not appear masculine/feminine or gay/straight/queer but be discriminated against by our own groups? Do we always need to disclose whether we eat meat, vote left or right, sleep with men/women/both, are celibate or are radical/progressive/conservative?

My radical could be anothers conservative.

Could we not equally fit into multiple groups & be unwilling to claim any individual group that might somehow cause internal conflict or prove to show favoritism or allegiance over another?


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## Deleted member 20 (Dec 11, 2018)

I think Noam Chompsky could be able to explain more about the intonation & annunciation in linguistics. I think what needs to occur is that I too must not become overly emotional for being accused or while not being accepted by others. With practicing nonviolence while still experiencing anger, fear, resentment that border on indignation it is a struggle at times to just smile & walk away. Many of these such interactions are being done in our home which is our sanctuary. Now it feels like we are under a microscope of sorts by decreasingly millennial childless therapists. Often times if provoked & probed publicly into an uninvited debate, repression can be a negative after effect. Even if I am a card carrying member somewhere. I know who I am & what I am. Many might be able to categorize my behavior as an ignorant asshole or worse accurately when I engage & take the bait.

Here, this involves some sort of primal protectionism of our child and my relation or responsibility of raising him in such a complex & contradictory world. Identity & image is apparently an important subject to us all. Many of these such interactions are being done in our home which is our sanctuary. Now it feels like we are under a microscope of sorts by decreasingly millennial childless therapists. All parents mess up their children some. My fear is that all though we teach radical theory through a living example in our household, outsiders who wield power can & do assess our parenting through the perverted lense of their experiences in mainstream cultures.


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## Deleted member 20 (Dec 11, 2018)

I think too much.


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## Deleted member 20683 (Dec 11, 2018)

@highwayman, i appreciate you laying your thoughts out, as someone who often feels i'm in the gap between millennial and not, pc and not....i think it sounds like your comments are coming from a sincere and thoughtful place, and i agree- no, being radical does not mean you have to listen to what every self-professed 'radical community member' has to say about you, regardless of how well they even know you- believe me, i have dealt with such people before and it is no fun! as much as i want to remind myself that most of them have sincere intentions too as well as their own issues of upbringing and etc to work through.

however it's not really clear to me what kind of feedback you are looking for, or whether you're maybe more just venting? perhaps in trying to be nonconfrontational, you are keeping it rather vague. not to push you for details but it seems like an interesting topic. lack of specificity tends to offer people a screen to project their own feelings onto your situation, about anything you've brought up, whether or not they're really relevant...na? maybe it's my own reading comprehension issues and nosy curiosity speaking.


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## Deleted member 20 (Dec 11, 2018)

Juan Derlust said:


> Eckhart Tolle sells books telling you what you knew all along!
> & yes we're a nation of surrogate parents...
> Incidentally, I lost my father when I was three years old - I can only wish I had a parent as thoughtful as you.



True. I was adopted at birth and just lost my mom last year. I dig his voice and listen to his youtube videos. Alan Watts is another who has a great tonal range, spiritual depth while blending many similarities from comparative religions.


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## Deleted member 20 (Dec 11, 2018)

@oakmoth and others. Thank you all. This has definitely been part venting, part thought provoking inquest as I navigate my way through a difficult period. 

As I am auto didactic, I try to always be learning and evolving while clearing up subconscious negativity. Always seeking the part that I play and remembering that we humans are all flawed, broken and adrift apart.


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## benton (Dec 15, 2018)

It is my opinion that these are spiritual challenges that cannot be solved through the power of the intellect alone.

I personally enjoy the intellectual exercise which is why I read the parts of the original post with interest.

Whether or not the ideas explored match my own current beliefs (which are dead if not growing, changing, and evolving) are immaterial to me as I am interested in change and growth on an individual level.

The millennials pushing back on how you live is because of conformity. You will not conform with the "traditionalists" or whatever you want to call them and they (the traditionalists) know this immediately, so how you live is not their concern provided they can get away from you and limit interactions. I grew up with those ignorant types and I understand how they operate.

Whereas the millennials you refer to have consented to the authority of a belief system that more or less requires them to accept you on at least some level, and this is why they are applying pressure. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and how they see themselves reflected back at them from you and how your family chooses to live.

You are living in freedom and that cannot be performed in a consensus in my opinion. (at a societal level here and now anyway). To conform to anything agreed upon and passed down to you by other humans cannot be freedom. The various aspects of what is being dictated don't change this reality.

The fact is that other humans have no authority over me except the authority that I grant them through my consent. And in return I have no authority over others.

It seems to me that these various social movements are based on an assumed authority and people seem to be expected to conform without questioning the actual belief structure as it currently exists.

If I am going to exist in a manmade system and remain sane I better damn well understand all of the weak points of the system.

It is impossible to completely separate myself from these systems and it is a fantasy to believe otherwise. I cannot opt out completely (assuming suicide not to be an option and I believe the aforementioned Alan Watts had something to say in that respect).

Truthfully, whatever system or systems I exist within do not exist outside of me in that I am creating them in at least some tiny way. Taking responsibility for my part in creating the reality I find myself in is a constant challenge and struggle and this is where the spiritual challenges lie it seems.

As far as feminism, toxic masculinity et al.:

It is a simple fact that unless you are a test tube baby or artificial semination was performed you got here because a penis entered a vagina and sperm fertilised an egg. Technology is beginning to change this however I would be willing to state that 99% of all humans on the planet are living lives that resulted from male female intercourse and we can discuss and characterize the various aspects of the social outcomes but none of it changes that underlying reality.


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## visionquest3311 (Dec 15, 2018)

So lost in rhetoric your mind is a spinning chasm that only your "self" can sane. The problem is your "self" is a construct. You are a construct, it must be disassembled.


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## salxtina (Dec 17, 2018)

Hi there - respect to you supporting your son who's transitioning and recovering from cancer, that's a lot to deal with.

"Breeder" is a pretty insulting and unhelpful phrase, and more mainstream strands of feminism (/progressivism /"socialism" /gay-rights /civil-rights /labor organizing) that see wage work as redeeming/good for everyone are tiresome.

Is the toxic masculinity talk being directed at you, or him, or both? The only thing I've ever heard you say that struck me as reinforcing sexism was about drug use and sexual assault, but people of any gender can say misinformed things about that. As for him, it's true that if trans men get to the point where they 'pass' as cis men, they can gain some of the power that society gives men over women, but that's not a reason to demonize people. And yeah in some parts of LGBTQ subcultures, it's gotten to the point that people will say that butch women have "masculine privilege," which is ridiculous.

A big part of it is the out-of-context nature of a lot of online communication - people discussing things that they're not seeing the real-time material situation around, or communicating solely by text/ideas that gets stripped of emotion and the felt-sense of reality. Here I'd agree, there's a spiritual element that can't be addressed by intellect alone. But overall I think it's an improvement, that people are looking at computers and writing to each other, instead of looking at TVs and passively receiving one message from a centrally-controlled source.

Is language being taken away from us? I don't know, half the time I hear people say, "we're not allowed to say xyz," xyz is still being said on national television.

As for sensitivity, I'm doing kitchen work and the frequency at which older customers come in and have tantrums because things aren't exactly to their liking is HIGH. This weekend I watched an old man throw a head of lettuce at my manager because he was offended by how we sliced it. Goddamn snowflake.


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## noothgrush (Dec 17, 2018)

dude you need to read Epictetus's Manuel. He states in the first few paragraphs that in order to be free we need to stop worrying about things we cannot control, including other peoples opinions. Learn from the ancients, they knew how to live.


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## visionquest3311 (Dec 19, 2018)

Culture is naturally passed down from Elders to youth. Now every generation changes everything usually from the bottom up. Producing extreme stress and confusion. This is unnatural. As someone who has lived all over the world epecially with Tradional cultures, young people dont dictate how the rest of us live. Please don't let the machinations of another "generation" confuse you. 

My advice with parenting always stay true and clear to your values. Don't let others define you. Your a human being with a testosterone template. 
Alot of people are afraid of men in this country and at times I can see why but we all need to be judged on a case by case basis. No lumping. 

Have a great day and a big internet hug to you.


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## All Who Wander (Jan 6, 2019)

I worked in adolescent mental health for about 12 years, finishing up that part of my life in a dual masters therapist position working for a state facility. My sister once came to me and said "im worried I'm screwing up my kids!" And told me a few of the ways she thought she was negitively influencing their psyche through action or innaction but primarily it was her own fears of being an inadequate parrent, nothing too substantial. My response was pretty quick. "Our parrents screwed us up in all kinds of ways, its your job to screw up your kids in whatever ways you choose."

To the rest I'll just say Im enjoying the backlash spreading this mostly millennial feminist socialist anarchist vegan anti-patriarchy antifa suporting gender obsessed blame throwing self grandiose kind of philosophy has caused. It's why Trump got elected, and will likely get re-elected. Its why populist movements around the world are coming into power. So keep hammering away at those traditional values, gender roles, and social norms, keep telling the working class their just a bunch of ignorant homophobe racists who need to be done away with, the outcome of which seems to be the exact opposite of the one intended. I find it all highly entertaining.


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## Deleted member 20 (Jan 6, 2019)

All Who Wander said:


> It's why Trump got elected, and will likely get re-elected. Its why populist movements around the world are coming into power.


 Did you vote for Trump to MAGA?


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## All Who Wander (Jan 6, 2019)

Nope. He's a corrupt idiot, but about on the same level as Hillary. That was a "wargames" election, "no matter who wins, we all lose."


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## salxtina (Jan 6, 2019)

Yeah, it checks out, he sounds like the kind of person who "worked in adolescent mental health for 12 years," this is the typical entitled shit mindset of the kind of clinician who manipulated and gaslighted me, tried their best to beat and drug my sense-of-self away, and framed my every disagreement with them as "lack of insight." They all found anti-authoritarian political ethics quite amusing, something they all did their best to break people of. (Believe you're a person with rights? Delusions of grandeur, schizoaffective type, probably. I'd really reccomend everyone to read Metzl's "The Protest Psychosis," on the institutionalization of black activists in Michigan, as a case study on how typican and entrenched this shit is.)


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## All Who Wander (Jan 6, 2019)

I see, so because somebody horribly victimized you, (seemingly in a way that will effect every aspect of your life forever) anyone in that profession, who holds views counter to your own, must also be a horrible victemizer. I really don't know what to say to that.


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## Deleted member 20 (Jan 6, 2019)

Its funny after writing about this stuff, my issues surrounding this completely went away within days. It occurred to me that I was definitely doing the best I could with the complications that arise around existing as I feel fit while raising a family. Perhaps those who seemed to be judging most were simply exercising their adult opinions for the first time or using institutional scare tactics while working in social services. Surely I was being insecure as to if I am a good dad, advocate and or activist. Much about these incidents were about judgement & acceptance. My side of the street is clean. I aint perfect & can be overly sensitive Xenial, myself. I examined my conscious and basically gave everything away to God, albeit after focusing my thoughts in mental anguish here in writing first.

All though I didn't learn about the philosophy that exists in the Epictetus's Manuel until last night. (as a response to this thread so thanks for the suggestions) I really dig it!!! and see common threads in the best seller "The Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck" .


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## Deleted member 20 (Jan 6, 2019)

This article touches on some of the recurring themes that exist where non fascists are being accused of fascism by others. 

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/07/opinion/were-all-fascists-now.html


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## All Who Wander (Jan 6, 2019)

Lol of course its NYT and they somehow managed to blame Trump for people using the word where it absolutely does not apply, but I agree overuse of the word makes it meaningless. I sort of think the same thing happened on the right with overuse of the terms "SJW" and "snowflake"... 

but I just got called fascist in another thread because I dared to suggest that granting poorly thought out new rights may have unexpected (but quite obvious) consequences. I think most of the people shouting fascist probably don't really understand the meaning, they just wanna smear and hurt somebody and know its a good way to do that.


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## salxtina (Jan 6, 2019)

You're already aware that's not what I said, Wander. But every aspect of my life? Sure, I'll take that, but hardly a negative- it's been a great subaltern education on the power politics of daily life. (Don't like it, just cover your ears and repeat, "Women Just Have FEELINGS Not Analysis.") In your own words you make it clear that you find people earnestly struggling with these social dynamics to be a joke you want to fail, to entertain yourself with imagined superiority.

But there's good news - When we become securely rooted in self-trust and personal freedom, we don't have to shit on other people's work to feed a fragile ego. 

Highwayman - I'll stop the side-talk distracting from your thread now, can't promise others will do likewise. I'm glad your difficulties have cleared up for now - It's the kind of thing that inevitably comes up time and again, people do come up with some out-there ideas on What Is The Right Way To Live. But I try to be patient, because good god the "common sense" that gets indoctrinated into us is probably worse, and at least they're trying to figure out something new to move on from that.


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## All Who Wander (Jan 7, 2019)

"But there's good news - When we become securely rooted in self-trust and personal freedom, we don't have to shit on other people's work to feed a fragile ego."

"Yeah, it checks out, he sounds like the kind of person who "worked in adolescent mental health for 12 years," this is the typical entitled shit mindset of the kind of clinician who manipulated and gaslighted me.."

Awesome, just awesome... completely hypocritical much? How do you even do that with just two postings?

And no, the big joke is pretty much identical to the dems bashing Trump and laughing at any possibility of him becoming president then being utterly crushed and flabbergasted as he did, especially as his victory seemed to be a reaction towards their original ludicrous behavior. 

This megalib outlook you seem to enjoy using to bash everyone with more traditional views continues to follow the same course with every outcome you expect from throwing your perma-victem fueled ragefits creating the exact opposite result. 

I find the irony of all that hillarious. It has nothing to do with pro-authoritarianism or a believed superiority on my part. 

The definition of crazy is doing the same thing again and again and expecting diffrent results. 

Addding to that... the more times they expect the different results yet don't alter their actions, the more funny it becomes.


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