# Throw Away Girl and the Emotional Drug Dealer



## JackieBlue (Nov 27, 2011)

In our last episode, Throw Away Girl was faced with a decision. She knows what she should have, but does not have the inner strength and love that she needs to demand it. Throw Away Girl knows from her history that she will never BE equal. Even her friends don't get it anymore. They tell her how wonderful she is. Throw Away girl sees the truth in their words. She knows that her qualities are what she values in others, but it has never gotten her anywhere. It hasn't helped her to acheive her goals. To love and be loved in the most intimate of all ways. So Throw Away Girl accepts that no matter what light people see her in, she does not feel it in her heart of hearts, soul of souls.

Throw Away Girl has become an emotional drug dealer. She is constantly on call for those who might need something from her. If you need someone to understand, someone to not judge you, if you need to cry, if you need to rage, if you need to tell someone how great you're doing; Throw Away Girl is the woman to call. She'll be there. If she is busy, she drops what she is doing. If she is sleeping, she wakes up. If she is sad or lonely, she will pretend she's not so she can give you strength. 

Throw Away Girl's birth name means "the supplanter". The supplanter is the one who makes up for shortcomings. The one who will make full when the glass is half empty. It is appropriate in so many ways. Throw Away girl has become accustomed to her place in life. She fears anything different, because then she won't be needed. Throw Away Girl has rationalized her personal loss. She knows that she is not valued for who she IS, but for who she is to others. She is needed. If Throw Away Girl can't be intimately loved, then she can at least be needed. It's better than nothing.

Some would, and have, said that Throw Away Girl is, or has, become a martyr. She does feel as though she has given without receiving, but not in a way that is disingenuine. Throw Away Girl knows no other way. She has accepted it as her path, but the pain associated with loss of self for the benefit of others, has begun to overwhelm her. She is angry. She didn't choose to be a giver. This was not what she asked for, this is what she has been given. Who asks to become a martyr? Certainly not Throw Away Girl. She wants to feel as much abundance as she exudes, but life isn't that way. 

Throw Away Girl has come to believe that the lives that people lead, are all about what you can get, and how much of it you can get, before some worms eat you. Her belief is that you get out of it what you put into it. Throw Away Girl puts a lot into it, but hasn't anything to show. She wants to go over to the get it, get more side, but it is against her very nature. Her rage is growing, her alienation is building. She does not believe that it is possible for her to sell her soul, for self preservation. 

Will she find a happy medium? Will she learn to be the martyr destined to death without supplication? Or will she find the power to sell herself to the darkest side of human nature?


----------



## Dmac (Dec 1, 2011)

love you throw away


----------



## JackieBlue (Dec 2, 2011)

right back at ya.  thanks!


----------

