# Losing my mind in NYC



## guavaberry (May 15, 2020)

Greetings! 

If you are taking the time to read this, thank you. I am writing to you all from a tiny studio apartment I am currently sharing with my dad in the Bronx, NY. 

I have been living here in NYC since February of 2017. It has been a whirlwind adventure with more lows than highs, but the highs far outweigh the lows. I am a film student at Brooklyn College and have been studying photography here this whole time.

While I am extremely grateful that I have a place to sleep, the extreme close quarters and over all anxieties brought on by the pandemic has been emotionally taxing not only on myself but my dad and our relationship too. We argue all the time, and I am extremely sensitive especially because I live with fibromyalgia.

I spend almost all my mornings waking up and wishing I could just either not exist currently because the pain is so unbearable and uncomfortable, which leads me to just feeling like I can't do even the simplest tasks. Anyway, off topic but it is a part of it.

Idk where to go from here, especially with everything going on. I have no work for the forseeable future but I can feel my mental health taking a drastic plunge each day that I share this space with him.

Am I being selfish or ungrateful? I am just writing to shout out into the void but also maybe see some unexpected points of view.

I've been looking for an affordable apartment option or even some airbnb situation for a few days, idk where to go or what to do.

And not only that, but I am in New York City, not like many if any options exist or are viable currently.

It's just that time of the night where my existential dread and doom and gloom is at full throttle.

Hope you're all safe out there.

over n out,

- D


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## TheUndeadPhoenix (May 15, 2020)

Cabin fever is a real thing, shit drives people up walls all the time. It's been driving me up the walls for awhile and I can only imagine what you're going through living with another person


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## guavaberry (May 15, 2020)

TheUndeadPhoenix said:


> Cabin fever is a real thing, shit drives people up walls all the time. It's been driving me up the walls for awhile and I can only imagine what you're going through living with another person



Yeah. I guess since before it was just a thing in the movies for me I am blind to when it is happening in person.


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## Deleted member 23824 (May 15, 2020)

guavaberry said:


> Yeah. I guess since before it was just a thing in the movies for me I am blind to when it is happening in person.



Cities are soul destroyers. Put yourself in any small town 100 miles outside of NYC, in the same sized apartment. Your life would change drastically for the better.

I know that humans can adapt to many different living scenarios, but I would never want to get used to get used to living in cities.


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## guavaberry (May 15, 2020)

Faceplant said:


> Cities are soul destroyers. Put yourself in any small town 100 miles outside of NYC, in the same sized apartment. Your life would change drastically for the better.
> 
> I know that humans can adapt to many different living scenarios, but I would never want to get used to get used to living in cities.



I have this personal phrase "I am a big city girl with small town dreams". I moved from Cuba to Miami at 4, and was raised there, then at 19 left to Orlando and eventually landed here. in 2017 I did my first 1st roadtrip that spanned NYC -> LA. 

I had never seen a different timezone, mountains, stars etc. It was crazy for me, but I also learned I find joy in places like the ones I encountered. Thanks to that trip I found a love for hiking etc. trust me, I'd love to piss off in a small town outside of NYC for the time being but I am merely just afraid of possible exposure to the virus not for myself but others.

it seems the going feeling around people upstate is that they don't want us hunkering down up there haha.

I am dying to be able to go camp as Harriman State Park which is an hour north of NYC is one of the most beautiful places I've had the privilege of hiking/camping.


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## Survival Warrior (May 16, 2020)

Well, hang in there. Having a place, even if taxing having to deal with your Dad, is better than any alternative. Hey, you should think of squatting in a school, university. I do. I have multiple Kitchens, showers, a safe and out of the elements spot to sleep, free wifi, unlimited lockers to use. I have a feeling that MY U is probably one of the best for what I do but even Mall's have places you can put yourself. All you really need is a DDT(Double door tool) for getting past fire doors and maybe some picks or a UDT (under the door tool). There's video's on youtube you can watch, just look up physical penetration. I sleep in a stairwell, so technically, it's not even illegal for me to be there- if they found me= they'd just kick me out, no biggie, I have a lot of spots. All you have to do is find a stairwell and spend the night there= no one comes= you'll probably be alright. Just a suggestion. Hope you hang in there. Peace.


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## PatAW (May 17, 2020)

Get down to prospect park if your near the city. Definitely will help.


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## TheUndeadPhoenix (Jun 6, 2020)

PatAW said:


> Get down to prospect park if your near the city. Definitely will help.


Prospect Park is great. I go there pretty often and it almost feels like I'm outside of the city in some places in it.


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## Older Than Dirt (Jun 7, 2020)

Van Cortlandt Park is closer for someone in the Bronx, and pretty darn woods-like in parts.


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## perapeteticSolitude (Dec 9, 2020)

There’s always kids hanging out in coney and Brighton by the ocean parkway stop they’re all drunks so if you like to party there ya go


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