# When your boyfriend/travel partner starts acting like a pain in the and stops pulling their weight.



## KrazyDaisy

So I've been with my boyfriend/travel partner for 4 years and I've got to tell you dude, he complains about everything!!!! What to put on the sign, that it's too cold, he's bored blah blah blah blah. All the while I'm sitting here raging up $ for gas, food, hodies and I'm super sick with chronic health problems. I don't complain, I'm happy with the life I'm living, but nothing seems to make this dude happy! ! I mean jeez man I housed him up for the last 4 days in a hodie so he could get rest, shower and eat like a damn King. Next day he starts yelling about the sign I'm making. My signs pull bank, the two days he went out on his own... Next to nothing. I keep telling him we need to work together, to appreciate what we have and be happy, but all this dude wants to do is complain. So my question is when you're traveling and in a relationship with someone and they just stop trying to do anything and complain about everything, what do you do? I mean I've had to tell him to please stop talking to me until he can act right, it's driving me nuts! !!! On top of that he isn't helping my heart condition any. And seriously how can you complainwhen you're eating well, have a spot to crash and complete freedom to go or be wherever you want? Makes no sense to me at all.


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## Psylock1045

Sounds to me like you've already made a decision, you just don't want to outright say it.

So I will.

If he's causing you that much trouble, and is being a drag on you living your life, send him packing. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life, especially not when it affects your health. I know you love him, but sometimes you just gotta cut the cord and do what's best for you.

That being said, I'm sorry you're having so much difficulty.


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## Matt Derrick

well, it sounds like you're pretty frustrated right now, so maybe you'll feel different later when you're not so pissed, but in my experience all the things you mention are big red flags that it's time to move on.


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## deleted14783

As much as I hate that type of people, I'd not be so hasty and leave him without actually trying. I'm not sure for how long this has been going on ( which is probably crucial ) and how serious your relationship is ( are you just travelling partners or is it much more..? ). If it's something you feel like you can't lose in your life, I'd give it a shot. Losing someone you care about might be way worse than trying to talk to them and solve the problem. But then again, if you tried everything in your power and yet he doesn't seem to change, maybe it's about time to move on. I mean, I can't completely figure out if he's just an lazyass going through a phase or if he's seriously using you. If latter is the case, just go be free 

Some of the things you might try are : ultimatum ( in your case, it might be the only option ), stop sharing money and see how it goes, try helping him find a job and be supportive about it, start fighting back ( complain and argue ) and see how it goes - maybe he just needs a strong kick in the ass.

Cheers, be happy and well !


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## cookieoh

Just show him this thread 

Then talk about it. 

But that probably won't work because he'll get defensive, then you can break up. Being alone isn't thattt bad is it?


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## Whereamiwhatdoido

Sounds like your guy is winter depressed, if you love him, just be sweet, and he'll come around when he realizes what a jerk he was.

I say this because I get like this in winter, maybe I surpress it a bit better, but basically depression makes me very selffish and negative, pessimistic and arrogant. I heard a clip from a psychologist recently that said depression is just egoism. If this is true then it's about creating an environment where there's not so much room to indulge in his bad feelings. Make him cook, do the shopping, walk the dog.


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## Deleted member 125

ide say call him on out on how hes acting, if it doesnt get better then its time to move on.


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## KrazyDaisy

You know honestly I can't wrap my head around it either. Even though he can get very loud, I try to stay very calm it's my nature to be calm. He continued on last night for 4-5 hours, then 2 hours of apologizing, so no sleep for me till about 4am :/ Our relationship is he's my boyfriend on and off and travel partner we've been together for about 4 years on and off and he's always had small incidences of this type of behavior, but not as bad as this. We had taken last year off while I was in cali and he was in Nashville. I drove cross country to get him and bring him out west about 2 months ago. We met traveling on a bus back in AZ to Fl 4 years ago, attempted to house up, but I couldn't do it And he understood.(itchy feet) And he can be a great guy. He's about 8 years younger than me, which I usually pay no mind to. Unless he doesn't get my references lol which then make me feel old Hahaha. But it seems like whenever I get a spot for us for a few days or find a camp spot, basically somewhere to sleep, shower and relax it's like he forgets that we still need to go out, put gas in the car and take care of basics essentials. I'm definitely not a person who would abandon someone, especially a signification other, loyalty is my 1# but like I said to him last night, I trust you with my life and yours with me, but when you act erratic and aggressive towards me and others so severely like that, it makes me question my choices and safety. I try to be consistent in my actions, but when he's doing things that are incredibly dangerous I.e trying to wreck the car, speeding into trolley stops, jumping out of the car without putting it in Park to try to beat up another driver in another car (Thank goodness I got the car in Park, before it rolled into another car). . Things got a bit crazy last night and all I was making sure was he didn't get arrested, that's the last thing I want is for him to be in some crappy jail. While traveling I still take care of my medical stuff, disability stuff etc.. So that I can enable us to live the life we want to live. But when I am out everyday flying, networking and generally enjoying life and he's complaining or not helping fly or causing unnecessary attention to us from local cops, it's not cool. I finally got him to take us to our spot to crash last night (which I found and have kept friendly with the locals so no one tells that we're living here, the view is beautiful btw  and I told him if he wanted to make any $ or accomplish anything he wanted to do( he said he wanted to play guitar/ busk, so i raged up the $ and bought him one)he might have to start waking up before noon, he wigged out again. Like man come on lol it's not that serious let's work together, chill out and enjoy this mmj I got us, but nope it's negative this and negative that. I am not a fan of negativity, it always makes me feel yucky inside and out and just generally brings my vibe down. Idk I think I'm just going to see how the next couple of days plays out and try talking to him again. Although I'm afraid the outcome will be the same, but I'm hopeful. Always the optimist  I love this community! Thank you for your thoughts they really helped me put some things in perspective ♡


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## Matt Derrick

it might help to write out some things you like/love about him to remind yourself of why you're with him. if you can't come up with more pros than cons, it might be time to move on.

on a side note, i would like to point out that i don't understand when women i know have these guys that are total lazy fucks, and they put up with them for just about forever. makes no sense to me. i'm not really a spanger, but fuck, i'd certainly get a job or do odd jobs to help out...


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## Dmac

This might sound overly simplistic, but perhaps you could use a short break from each other, to help get your thought together?


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## uniparemassilmas

I agree with dmac66. This is what I wanted to write also, when I read this thread: just take time apart. Tell him you need to travel alone for a while. Be in a long(or not so long)distance relationship, and see how it goes then. If not working out like this, you can take a total brake. During that you can see, will it all get better, and you want to still be together, or you need to move on.


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## Desperado Deluxe

Well here's some things that I go by when in a relationship though I don't know how applicable they are to your situation.

When the yelling and bullshit starts I calmly say 
There's one of three things that's going to happen right now
1. Your going to chill out and talk to me like a reasonable person and were going to act like adults.
2. Your going to leave.
3. I'm going to leave.

If he's acting out and causing problems you should not obligate yourself to be responsible for him. Your freedom isn't worth someone else's mistake. When someone does that kind of stuff I simply tell them my grievance and if we can't come to some sort of solution then I'm out I simply refuse to have someone blow my shit up.


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## Eng JR Lupo RV323

He sounds miserable to be around for sure, and there's definitely a lot of reasons I'd probably leave if I were you but I wouldn't make that move before talking to him. Have you spoken to him and brought this stuff up the way you're bringing it to our attention? That's the only way to work through shit is to have outstanding communication. 

There's certain things we just gotta accept about a person and it's unfair to try and change those things about them, but this is less something you would be trying to change about him and more of a talkin-to/reasoning with him "hey fucker, I'm trying hard here and your piss-poor attitude isn't going to help our situation so how about you suck it up"

I think you gotta talk to him, just sit down and tell ol boy how it is. Write down some key points you want to bring up beforehand if you're not good on the spot. Get this all out in the air and see where you're at then. If he continues to bitch and moan and nothing comes of it, pull the pin and gtfo.


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## KrazyDaisy

So, after another talk yesterday and dealing with the floods and rain here in sd I had plenty of time to talk to him again, like I was afraid no change in action or attitude. I have come to the realization that I cannot change someone even if I'm giving them positive support or not. I finally made a decision for myself, which is rare. I usually try to think of what's best for the whole. But I have to make sure I'm okay. I've made my lists, (thank you Matt )I've talked and brought up calm talking points,(thank you fox spirit) considered my options (Thank you dmac66) still nothing so at this time I'm calling it. I told him it would be best to separate and see what the world holds for the both of us. If Things should work out. .. And we find our ways back excellent! If not, then that's our paths that we must walk alone. I'm feeling really positive about this. Honestly it's the first time, I put myself first and it feels good. And I feel lighter in my soul. On a side note I was able to fly in the flooding rain lol and made enough to cover my gas, food and extra goodies from the shop  would have been impossible if I had someone complaining and yelling at me and my sleep was much less stress filled. Oh and I decided while I have this time I'm going to start back writing and painting, something i went toschool for and have been doing since I was 13 and subsequently quit doing, to deal with the present situation, which has lasted a couple of years now. Thank you guys for helping me put alot of things into perspective. Sometimes it's hard for me to look at the picture as a whole. Yall are awesome  and it's just another reason I'm happy to be part of this awesome community


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## deleted14783

May I ask how did he react to your decision ?


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## KrazyDaisy

At first upset, then understanding. He said he needs help and that it wasn't fair for him to hurt me in thoes kinds of ways. I told him if he wanted my help, I'd do anything in my power to make sure he talked to whoever he wanted to talk to or went wherever he wanted to safely. And I would be there for him as much as he allowed me to be. Like I said he's not a bad person, not in the least. He just has some very scary anger problems that seem to be getting worse. And when he's lucid, calm and all there, he recognizes it and points it out himself. It's when he's having episodes of what appears to be almost blind rage he lashes out on everyone/anyone around him. . Which is usually just me. It wasn't nasty or angry or bitter. It was more like a conscious understanding on both parts. And it doesn't mean goodbye, goodbyes are so permanent I like to think of it as I'll see you a little later. And mabye the universe will bring it back together, but until then working on ourselves as individuals is what's best. I'm very lucky to have him in my life, just not in that capacity.


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## urchin

It's a good thing that he understands. It takes a lot.


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## KrazyDaisy

I know, with our long history he says his concern was my safety. That's why I believe I'm very lucky to have him in my life even if it's just in this way. I'm actually really gait that he's trying to get a handkerchief on what's going on with him emotionally. But like I told him I'd sort him in whatever he chooses to do.


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## PotBellyFatGuy

an old man once told me that ppl. are difficult to get along with in general. your bf is just another guy like me or joe the plumber. everyone has their quirks. if you can figure out tricks to get along with each other, the relationship will last. otherwise, there's no point.


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## KrazyDaisy

Well, I right I would update everyone on what has happened. We separated for a few weeks and then. .... I found out I was pregnant. About 2 months now. So we have worked things out. He got a job! Which amazed me! And is taking care of me during this time that I really need it. He's working on his anger issues and is definitely pulling me than his weight right now. I guess at the end of the day when two ppl are meant to be together the universe will find a way to keep them together. So, in 6 or 7 months I'll have a little peanut traveler ♡and I'll get to impart the wisdom I have and he has to it. The universe works in crazy ways, amairight?


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## Dmac

Yea!


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## Matt Derrick

KrazyDaisy said:


> Well, I right I would update everyone on what has happened. We separated for a few weeks and then. .... I found out I was pregnant. About 2 months now. So we have worked things out. He got a job! Which amazed me! And is taking care of me during this time that I really need it. He's working on his anger issues and is definitely pulling me than his weight right now. I guess at the end of the day when two ppl are meant to be together the universe will find a way to keep them together. So, in 6 or 7 months I'll have a little peanut traveler ♡and I'll get to impart the wisdom I have and he has to it. The universe works in crazy ways, amairight?



because everyone knows having a kid is the perfect way to maintain a healthy relationship?


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## KrazyDaisy

That's not the way I'm viewing it. Gotta love it when bc fails :/ but I view it as a blessing. The universe thought enough of me that it brought me a child. Now whether I raise this child alone, or with him we will see. Until then he's attempting to be more proactive and helping me alot more. So at the end of the day, I'm happy because I am blessed and he's happy, so until the future becomes the present, we're just taking it one day at a time  although I see your point Matt alot of people feel a "baby" well save an otherwise floundering relationship. Luckily I believe I have a more balanced head on my shoulders.


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## Deleted member 125

KrazyDaisy said:


> That's not the way I'm viewing it. Gotta love it when bc fails :/ but I view it as a blessing. The universe thought enough of me that it brought me a child. Now whether I raise this child alone, or with him we will see. Until then he's attempting to be more proactive and helping me alot more. So at the end of the day, I'm happy because I am blessed and he's happy, so until the future becomes the present, we're just taking it one day at a time  although I see your point Matt alot of people feel a "baby" well save an otherwise floundering relationship. Luckily I believe I have a more balanced head on my shoulders.



for whatever reason i feel like i should stick my nose back in here and voice my opinion that i agree that having a "baby" (as you put before with the quotes) is a awful way to fix a relationship. from yer previous posts it sounds like you ignored most of the advice that people gave you, most of which ide say was pretty solid. i understand that its difficult to break the pattern that yer in with the father of yer "baby". whether or not you feel blessed to get knocked up ide say that its pretty fucked to bring a "baby" into this world when yer in what ide call a pretty classic abusive relationship, that youv admitted to knowing its fucked. that doesnt exactly scream balanced head on shoulders kinda thing to me. all the best to you dude i honestly hope shit works out for you.


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## mightyb

<3


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## KrazyDaisy

Though I appreciate the "advice" I think my life is my own to live. Hence housing up, working and taking care of my health. And at this point, it's probably time for me to bow out of this social networking site. Although I wish you ask the best in your travels. Just remember, not everyone has to wake up and live your life everyday. So Remember take everyone's advice with a grain of salt. Because you never know where their opinions are based out of. Have good travels my friends. ♡


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## Deleted member 125

well, if you want to bow out of this social networking site thats of course yer call, i just figured that somebody who sarted a thread asking internet strangers for "advice" (again im using quotes here to poke fun at yer use of them when talking about a baby) then youd maybe take that advice to heart instead of playing the "i do what i want its my life you dont know me" thing. as for taking peoples advice with a grain of salt, of course yer right, as far as i know we have never met, but i have a pretty good idea where yer opinons are based from, it sounds like they are based from making a pretty risky decision that not only involves you but possibly a kid. its absolutly yer life and whatever choice you make wont make a difference to me, im just a stranger on the internet who thinks yer making a dumb mistake.


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