# the crucified mouse



## Toddy (Feb 5, 2009)

in the book post danvan mentioned shantaram (awesome read), plus the thread about the FOX rat microwave crueltyfest reminded me of a memory the main character reflects on. here it is:

"... I remembered an incident from the prison. In that other world-within-a-world, back then, I moved into a new prison cell and discovered a tiny mouse there. The creature entered through a cracked air vent, and crept into the cell every night. Patience and obsessional focus are the gems we mine in the tunnels of prison solitude. Using them, and tiny morsels of food, I bribed the little mouse, over several weeks, and eventually trained it to eat from the edge of my hand. When the prison guards moved me from that cell, in a routine rotation, I told the new tenant- a prisoner I thought I knew well- about the trained mouse. On the morning after the move, he invited me to see the mouse. He'd captured the trusting creature, and crucified it, face down, on a cross made from a broken ruler. He laughed as he told me how the mouse had struggled when he'd tied it by its neck to the cross with cotton thread. He marvelled at how long it had taken to drive thumbtacks into its wriggling paws.

Are we ever justified in what we do? That question ruined my sleep for a long time after I saw the tortured little mouse. When we act, even with the best of intentions, when we interfere with the world, we always risk a new disaster that mightn't be of our making, but that wouldn't occur without our action. Some of the worst wrongs, Karla once said, were caused by people who tried to change things."

when i was traveling a few months back i took a week off and stayed at a shelter in kentucky. there were about 25 residents, all nice people. a couple days in i noticed one woman no one talked to. overweight, scarred up, and on crutches she would sit out back and smoke basics all day by herself. so i decided to reach out. nothing big, just a few conversations. the day i was getting ready to go she asks to take a picture with me, which i accept. after she starts tearing up and asking me not to leave. it was uncomfortable considering i'd only known her for a few days. i gave her my number and told her i'd be in touch, even lied and said if she ever made it out west that i'd be down to travel with her. well i kept my word the first few weeks but me being me, i eventually stopped answering her calls. i got a text from her a while after, here it is:

"i thought we was friends? what happened to that? i really helped you out and this is how you are going to treat me? well so much for friendship. i have never treated you bad in any way, it was totally the opposite. you are treating me very badly and i dont deserve to be treated that way. are you happy with the way you are treating me because i am not happy with the way you are treating me. what i did was out of the kindness of my heart and now you want to destroy my heart as well. Well guess what: friends don't do friends wrong and one other thing, never bite the hand that feeds you. well that's exactly what you have done."

i don't really know what she meant by "i really helped you out" or "bite the hand that feeds you" but since i got that text i've thought a lot about the reasons behind why i reached out to her and who it served. so, long winded yeah, sorry, but my question for you guys is the same one the inmate asks. are we justified in what we do even when we act in the best of intentions? what do you think


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## finn (Feb 5, 2009)

Well, the best of intentions don't mean anything if you are clueless. I mean that guy with the mouse obviously doesn't know people half as well as he thinks he does, and you pretty much let that clingy woman push you into lying and making false promises. But I don't understand what the intentions are exactly, as in, what were you expecting to happen? 

Did the inmate expect that his friend loves mice and would make stuff for it and feed it and play with it everyday? Did he even ask what his friend's experiences with small animals or even bugs were like? Did you ask people what the woman's deal was? I don't think you did, because if you did, you would have had a clue about what would happen.

So no, the best intentions doesn't justify anything when you don't think things through. If you're treating someone and you go beyond your skill level and that person dies or something, do you think your best intentions justified that? Maybe I don't understand this question.


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## Chro (Feb 6, 2009)

We can only do what we can.
Your best intentions may cause disaster, but they may save a life.
Sure we should look into things more, truly understand a situation before we act, but that may even fail.
So don't stop doing acts of kindness, just realize that unless you can follow through fully, it is doomed to fail or fall short.



The prisoner made a mouse fearless of people, making it needy and foolish, trappable.
You helped a lonely woman, making her clingy and unrealistically expectant of your undying friendship.


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