# Throw Away Girl Meets Crazy Goat Man



## JackieBlue (Nov 27, 2011)

This is the first of a series of stories I wrote a while back, for therapeutic reasons. They are based on some of my experiences, most names have been changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent. I hope that you all will enjoy them. 

When Throw away Girl decided to go west, she applied for several apprenticeships in California, Oregon, and Washington. She was accepted for two of them, the first was an organic farm on an island off the coast of Oregon. It was run by two women who seemed very nice. The apprenticeship was to provide room and board and a small stipend and began in April. It was November, and Throw Away Girl wanted to get out of Dodge (so to speak) quicker than that. At the time, Greyhound was offering a one way ticket to anywhere in the US for $98; so she accepted the second apprenticeship, on a farm in Mendocino, California. It was an all organic farm and "school of country living", surrounded by hundreds of acres of state forest (Jackson State Forest, to be exact.) 

The main farm building used to be a saw mill used back in the days of the first raping of the redwoods. It was built of redwood, in the Victorian style, with a water tower connected to the back. Since purchasing the property the owner had built 5 other outbuildings in addition to the already existing barn, sawmill, and gardening shed. All of the water was gravity fed from several diffierent water towers and a giant main tank that was part of the original mill. The farm was entirely solar powered. The buildings were of varying sizes and levels of comfort. The job entailed recovering a 2.5 acre garden plot and establishing a market garden, and it began in February. She would get free room and board, a stipend, and a share of the profits from the market garden. 

So she set out for California in late January, visiting a few friends along the way, and taking a few long layovers. She arrived in San Francisco late at night, on the first day of February,'98. She called a friend from high school and he hopped the city bus. Thow Away Girl crashed at his apartment that night, then the next day on a bright and sunny morning; she began the last leg of her bus trek north. She arrived in Willits at around 3 in the afternoon. She called the farm owner, Chuck. He said that there had been landslides all along highway 20, over to the coast, and that there was no public transportation running to and from the coast. 

Now at this point; Throw Away Girl started to freak a little bit. She had less than 3 dollars in her pocket, and nowhere to go. She had fasted most of the way to California, and was starting to feel a bit weak. She had met a guy on the bus that was traveling to Arcata, he said that she should just jump back on the bus and come stay with him at a friends house. So with nowhere else to go; she decided to just jump back on. Figuring that she could look up some old friends that she knew were living there. They rode to Arcata, where the bus driver began to give her a ration of shit about staying on the bus after her scheduled stop. He told her that she would have to pay extra and that they wouldn't release her luggage until it was paid. So the dude she met starts yelling at the bus driver about how Throw Away Girl had paid for a one way ticket to "anywhere" in the US. "Isn't this anywhere?!?!?!" he said. The bus driver finally gave in; and released her luggage.

So Bus Dude and Throw Away Girl set off for his friends' house on K Street in Arcata. They arrived there at around midnight, proceeded to smoke A LOT of herb, and pass out. Bus Dude was about the loudest snorer on the face of the earth so there wasn't a lot of sleeping done that night, but at least she had a place to lay down; that was dry and somewhat warm. The next morning she looked up her friends and took off to visit them for a while; leaving her stuff on K Street. She went back in the afternoon and hooked herself up with a ride back to Willits the next day. She spent another sleepless night accompanied by LOUD snoring.

She woke up the next day at around 11 AM, and waited for her ride to get his shit together for the ride south. At around three they all hopped into a blue VeeDub bus, and bumped their way south on the 101. It's the first time that Throw Away Girl gets a real good look at the giant redwoods. As they cruised down through the groves, she began to have a great sense of peace. It was almost like the redwoods had their own aura.

When they arrived in Willits, it was sundown. Throw Away Girl hopped the last "Skunk Train" bus and headed over the ridge to the ocean. It was around seven when she finally arrived in Mendocino. Chuck met her at the bus stop. She jumped into his pickup and they began the ten mile trek out to the farm. On the ride; Chuck told her a little bit more about the farm, mostly about the animals. There was Pudge the dog, an assortment of barn cats, a flock of chickens, 25 sheep, 10 goats, a turkey, a pony, and a Belgian draft horse. Another important fact that he relays is that Throw Away Girl will be the only full time resident of the farm. Chuck had another house in town that his wife and step daughter lived in, so he was only at the farm a few nights a week. When his truck arrived at the farm; Chuck drove right up to the cabin that was to be her home. It was a small 10x10 cabin with a ship bed and closet built into it, a small propane cook top, small woodstove, a 40 watt lightbulb, and her very own outhouse (albeit a spidery, doorless, lean-to of a thing.) Chuck then told her that he had to get back into town and won't be back until tomorrow around lunch time. Throw Away Girl was flabbergasted. This guy was going to just leave her on his farm, when he barely knows her. Not to mention the fact that she is ten miles from anywhere, it's dark, and she will be alone with all of this guy's animals. She wasn't sure what to say, so she just told him to have a good night and that she would see him tomorrow. All the while thinking; what in the hell did I get myself into?

So she built a fire, unpacked her things, and began to settle in for the night. When she woke up the next morning it was to rain and a really loud turkey noise followed by a barking dog. She jumped up and got dressed to see what all the commotion was about. The dog was chasing the turkey, so Throw Away Girl shooed the dog away and the turkey flapped it's wings in her face. Anyone who has ever met up with a male turkey knows that they can be really mean when startled, and this one didn't want to back down. What a welcome!

Throw Away Girl began to explore. She went around the goat pen to the chickens, let them out, and gathered some eggs for breakfast. Chuck hadn't told her where she could find food yet; so she figured the eggs would get her through until he arrived. She went and poked around in the barn for some feed. Then she fed the goats and chickens. There were 3 baby goats. Two of them were twins, just born a few days before. She figured their moms probably needed something to eat. Besides the goats were loud and jumping up on the side of the pen. That can only mean one thing.

After she got the animals fed she headed back to her cabin to eat. It was so quiet. Her sense of peace deepened, and she wrote in her journal about it. After breakfast and journaling, she decided to go for a walk She walked back down the driveway, checking out all of the buildings, the other animals, the orchard, and the old mill, the farm truck that had a tree fallen on it, but she didn't see the garden. So she sat out in the sun for a while until Chuck returned. The drizzle had stopped by that time.

When he got back he showed her the garden first. She had walked right past it earlier, but hadn't noticed it because the weeds were as tall as she, and as dense as a jungle. She thought to herself, let's just go with it for now. So then he took her back to the goats. This is when she realized that the goats are his favorite project. He brought one of the moms into the barn and taught Throw Away Gril how to milk it, then how to sprout the grains to feed the animals. Afterward they turned the goats out into the pasture, and went into the main farm house. When they step[ed through the front door, Throw Away Girl was shocked. It was a gigantic mess. There were papers, boxes, dirty plates, and serious dust bunnies everywhere. You couldn't even see any furniture (if there was any, and she was having serious doubts by now.) He didn't even say anything about the disaster, and had her follow him into the kitchen; which was just as horrible. There were some things in the cupboards, but most of them were almost empty, the stove was a propane stove from the 20's (not very safe looking), and it looked like Throw Away Girl was going to be living off rice, oats, and whatever she can scavenge for. 

Chuck then taught her how to make soft goat cheese, or chevre. It takes most of the day to cook down the goat's milk, in the meantime Chuck showed her the different stages of cheese and how to make different variations of it. He showed her the water tower and the bath tub room. Most of the water was solar heated so there were only certain times that one could bathe. Chuck then decided to make dinner, which consisted of rice and some steamed carrots, beets, leeks, and cabbage. Which was quite tasty considering, even if it was bland. As dinner wound down, Throw Away Girl looked up and saw Chuck licking his plate clean. She was a little bit shocked and cracked a bit of a joke about it. Chuck looked at her with all seriousness and said "I expect everyone who eats here to lick their plate, it is wasteful not to." 

Throw Away Girl was dumbfounded. She told him that if her mother ever saw her doing something like that she would have a heart attack and die, and that she would be sure to clean the plate, but he would never see her licking it. Chuck seemed a bit annoyed, but Throw Away Girl held her ground. There are just certain things that one doesn't do. Licking one's plate is one of them. So Throw Away Girl thanked Chuck for the meal and asked what was on the agenda for the next day. He said that they will be cleaning out the goat pens, and composting some of the garden beds. She bade him good night and went back to her cabin.

The next morning they let the goats out to pasture, and Chuck told Throw Away Girl that he only cleaned the pens twice a year and he was a little behind schedule. Now for any of you who know anything about farming, or animals, pens get mucked out at least monthly if not weekly. It can cause disease and it just gets to be too big of a job. It was pretty obvious to Throw Away Girl that this guy wasn't thinking too clearly, nor was he much of a farmer. 

So they went into the pen with shovels and began to shovel shit into the back of the partially crushed farm truck. After a little bit of shovelling she realized that to combat disease, compost more material, and make things more difficult; Chuck had laid down plywood or particle board for every 5 or so inches of goat shit. So now they were chopping up partially decomposed wood along with 6 to 9 months worth of shit. They proceeded to fill and empty the truck 10 times over the course of the day. This was the day that Chuck became "The Crazy Goat Man."



/// This story is a long one so I've decided to break it up into two if not three installments. Happy reading, and hang on to your muck boots because there's more "Crazy Goat Man" coming soon..............


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## Dmac (Dec 2, 2011)

i have had to muck horse stalls that had not been done in over a year. and the stall only had one horse! it took a very long time. stupid horse would come running back to the barn, take a dump in the stall, and go back outside. why couldn't it poop outside, other horses do.


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## JackieBlue (Dec 2, 2011)

dmac66 said:


> i have had to muck horse stalls that had not been done in over a year. and the stall only had one horse! it took a very long time. stupid horse would come running back to the barn, take a dump in the stall, and go back outside. why couldn't it poop outside, other horses do.



LMAO! that is hilarious!


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## BobbinGoblin (Dec 2, 2011)

I am a plate-licker


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## JackieBlue (Dec 2, 2011)

BobbinGoblin said:


> I am a plate-licker


aha! i love it!


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