# Paranoid families



## Zanzae

I know that some of my friends who hop trains and hitch are in contact with their families, and some are not. For the most part, I live with my parents, and try to keep them somewhere near the truth. 

My cousin just called, and asked me how I was getting to om:festival. I told her hitch-hiking.

"Are you fucking insane!? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's not very adult of you. I thought you were smarter than that! You're getting to get raped and killed! People don't do that anymore. It's too dangerous. Do you have any idea how stupid that is?"

"I'll tell my dad you called"

"Take a bus! For god's sake, not before your dad's wedding. If you have no respect for yourself, then respect the fact that your dad is getting married, and if you died right before he got married....if you still want to be that stupid, do it another time. You could get raped and beaten. People don't just recover from that you know? It changes them for life!"

"...I'll tell him you called then."

"I hope you think about that, really. It's very dangerous."

"ok, bye then"

My parents themselves aren't fond of it, but they're getting a little more used to the idea. My cousin might just scare the shit out of my parents now..hmm..

Does anyone else have to deal with these sorts of reactions from family and/or others who you care about? I'm not fond of lying to people...so I attempted to tell her the truth...but now I almost regret it. How does it go for you?


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## Bathtub666

When I first started traveling i got a similar reaction. It's all a matter of standing your ground. Once you aren't raped and killed and all of that, it will be a little more difficult for them to tell you how dangerous it is. Just remind them that you aren't an idiot and you can take care of yourself. And remind them that you had enough respect for them to tell them your plans instead of going behind their backs. It can be hard for parent to get over the fear that society has beaten into them. Be patient but firm.


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## blackmatter

true dat


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## Zanzae

I've hitched once that my mom knew about - in B.C. she drove me & a friend to a good spot. She was convinced that on the island, it was very different from the rest of Canada, and was alright with it (not pleased, but alright). And then another time both parents knew about - after I came home from montreal. I told them I had taken a train there and hitched back (thank goodness they didn't ask me if it was VIA, or how much it cost). And numerous times that neither knew about. 

So far I haven't even been hassled. One lady packed me a brown paper bag lunch at her house with peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, and drove us right to our location. Another guy bought us lunch. Another time I was bought breakfast, and given a lollipop. And then just other fun, nice people. Certainly nothing bad there. 

This is the first that my cousin has heard of me hitching...even my mom keeps things from her, because she is so conservative. Hopefully she'll just get over it, like my parents are. Now...how to introduce train hopping...


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## bakerdoo

My mom has freaked out on me a few times. I keep her in the dark on most things now becuase she cant handle hearing about it. I dont like lying and dont lie to her much but if it saves her from being pissed and bitching my ear off then ill do it.
my dad knows all, he's good shit.


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## Matt Derrick

yeah im a little embarrassed to admit it, but im almost 28, and i still can't talk to my parents about most aspects of my lifestyle. they just don't understand, and my mom becomes a psychotic crying mess every time we talk about it, so we just don't...

which sucks, cause id like to have a closer relationship with my parents, but that's kinda hard to do when you can't tell them about anything going on in your life.


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## iago

same here...but im ten years younger than you. when i told my parents how i planned to travel my mom starts cry and all that good stuff and my dads just kind of like eh... i hitched across europe and the middle east 35 years ago...but you shouldnt the world is a different place these days dont be stupid and let your mom down. so when i go on 3 week+ road trips they think im driving with friends not riding trains and hitching.


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## cracked

My mother was initially freaked out about it, but after she continually saw me hitchhiking to places, over and over, and ending up perfectly safe every single time, she realized that I was alright.

It's strange how some people tell me that my hitchhiking habit is very dangerous and that I'll get raped or killed or w/e... when the fact is that I hitchhike regularly and have plenty of experience and they have NONE!

Post edited by: cracked, at: 2007/06/24 13:55


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## Kendall

My family has a right to worry though. My grand-uncle on my mother's side was someone who avidly picked up hitch-hikers, and he had a knife pulled out on him, his car jacked, clothes taken, tied to a tree, and repeatedly raped and left to rot; which he did. Later, they caught him in Kentucky (I believe) with my grand-uncle's clothes still on.

Anyhoo, I'm hitching to Nashville tomorrow.


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## picklehop

at first myfamily was just generally concerned, "you know you can lose limbs and/or die/and get attacked on the streets/and or blablablabla. Then sometime this year i decided i wanted to visit my hometown, small country villiage in the middle of a cornfield right next to the mississippi river in northern illinois and the day i arrived in my hometown and called my parents and let them know i'd be visiting they straight up told me not to call them, come to the house, contact them at all, because they were ashamed of my lifestyle, and now they dont talk to me at all and could give a shit less. they said, "untill you settle down and get a job and become a member of society that they don't need me in there life,and to call them when i did. which is pretty stupid because they kicked me out of there house when i turned 17. 

Family should be important, and you should always have somebody like that to care about, and to care about you, but alot of people are so brainwashed from there own generation or upbringing, that no matter what you do you can't change their opinions or view on you or what you do. If parents can't understand what you're doing because they're too comfortable and use to their own comfy lifestyle then fuck them... they don't deserve to be related to somebody that lives so differently they can learn so many things from them. If you have parents that understand, and are interested, and supportive of your life, you are lucky. People like that are people that make this world a better place, and are the foundation to a world without discrimination or hate. i wish i could visit some of my family on holidays, the only time i can see most of myfamily, but because i can't come around my mother, stepfather, and step siblings, i can't come around any of them. and thats bullshit. i envy those that have a caring and understanding family.


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## picklehop

man thats fucked up, its crazy to think that there are some crazy's out there, and people that do that. though the chances are most likely less likely to happen that getting hit by a car falling out of the sky.... that story gives me goosebumps....


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## Crazycoon

I got picked up by a guy once who said he had a gun pulled on him once. He said to the guy "alright buddy see that telephone pole on the right just up there? throw thwe gun out the window2 or your gonna fucking get it" Apparently the guy threw the gun, then he stoped the car got out, beat the shit outta him, and buddy says "you give hitchhickers a bad name!" beaten guy:"what do you care?" driver "cause im a hitch hicker!!!!" Funny shit... Any way if all else fails with that knife to your throat. Run em into the fuckin sidelines!

Post edited by: Crazycoon, at: 2007/07/09 10:37


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## Mouse

after I had a terrible experience in Cali (long story) and my mom helped me get back to PA by buying me a plane ticket (me AND my dog) she says now that if I hitch my way off the east coast she'll hunt me down and cut my legs off. I gotta respect that. I will of course leave the east coast a lot but from now on only w/ my own transportation of a round trip ticket or some shit like that. I made a promise and I wont upset her. 

when I first hit the road I always got the pointed question "what ARE you doing for money???" cuz I'm a girl and aparently girls can only make money one way in my mothers eyes. after she figured out I wasn't a whore she understood I was just a fucking bum. hehe. 

all parents worry, but you can't let their fears stop you from living your life. I love my mom but she knows she raised and independent and free spirited girl who never listens. I think because she knows this she blames herself. hahaha. Sometimes I wish she would be more supportive but that's not something you can expect from a parent when it comes to being a fugative from the law or a drunk hitch hiker with no education. I'm sure she never pictured me doing these things when I was born, ya know?


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## inky

personal favorite parent-isms:

"we're old! we'll have heart attacks and die if you (go travelling/ride trains/don't tell us where you are every second of every day)"

"do you know how dangerous (riding trains/hitchhiking) is? people get killed all the time and OF COURSE you never hear about it. how could you hear about it if everyone that it happens to is DEAD?"

"you're a girl! you know how many people on the street are just waiting to prey on you? they'll rape you, take everything you own and kill you."

"why do you want to be homeless? why do you want to sleep on street corners? do you know who does that? drug addicts and prostitutes! they'll slit your throat for the shoes you're wearing!"


etc. etc.

so i let them know where i am, and i let them know i'm with friends, and they can make up their own ideas of how i got where i was, and let them go with that.


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## emptypockets

I leave my mother in the dark about most of the things. She'd flip a shit. However my brother loves what I'm doing and takes pride in it. My grandparents think my travels are great.


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## Clit Comander

that the reaction i get from my parents. They don't understand it, and even when i try to explain it their brains wont except it. I tell them all the time how i travel, but my mom convinces her self that we have a car and are driving it around. ha i haven't had a car since i was 16.


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## danny boil

i talk to my mom whenever i can, she doesnt like hitchiking at all, because like me she doesnt like or trust most people well integrated into mainstream society. 

to the topic starter, if you dont want your parents to trip over you getting raped, murdered and possibly tortured then ride trains. that can only kill or mame you, and only if you're a fucking moron. my mom likes the idea of freight riding, she thinks its an odd thing seeing as she grew up very sheltered and until i started riding a few years ago never heard of hobos. shes my mom, so of course she has concerns, she usually tells me, in her own way, not to get too trashed if i'm catching on the fly. whenever i see her she packs me what she calls a "train lunch" made up of a grip of that dank ass progresso soup with the pop tops and campbells select soups and beans. 

maybe i'm just lucky, i dunno. but i hate hitchiking, and i despise passenger trains, but being from san diego its much easier for me to hop out if i take the passenger train for free up one stop and take the bus into orange county, then get to LA and hop out up there. god i hate california.


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## possum

i got an "i expected so much more from you", and a dissapointed shake of the head, followed by 20 minutes of silence, during which i vacated the area


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## maus

*.*

Post edited by: maus, at: 2007/08/30 18:19


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## maus

PARENTS JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!


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## Mouse

*possum wrote:*


> i got an "i expected so much more from you", and a dissapointed shake of the head, followed by 20 minutes of silence, during which i vacated the area



I get that feeling from my mom a lot. 

she doesn't say it but I know she's thinking it. 

I usually counter things like that with "where the hell have you gone in your life, literally and figuratively??"


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## Zanzae

well, now I've hitch-hiked across the country, and took trains with a bit of hitch-hiking on the way back. Then I told my parents I'm moving into a tipi in the woods. I don't know if they're really surprised by anything anymore. They just seem concerned. At least I'm not getting crazy lectures anymore


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## Exile

*.*

My parents just told me that they knew a kid who hitch hiked some how he got killed.


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## Matt Derrick

*.*

sounds like your parents are bs'ing you.


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## rideitlikeyoustoleit

This is a really good topic, by the way.

When I told my mom I was riding trains she freaked out and started buying all these really bad train documentarys with herion addict hobo's and started saving news stories of derailments and stuff.

When I told her I was hitchhiking, for some reason she was happy that I wasn't riding trains. 

When I went bike touring she was esctatic. She didn't understand that the shitty highways I was biking was probably the most dangerous form of travel.


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## hellomonday

> i got an "i expected so much more from you", and a dissapointed shake of the head, followed by 20 minutes of silence, during which i vacated the area


my parents make me feel like i am ruining thier lives. i dont really know what to do most of the time except not talk to them, and thats probably not healthy.
im sick of hearing the words "Youre only 16" and "You dont have enough experience yet" and "You're going to end up in a ditch and we'll have to come identify your mutilated corpse."
and its like uhhh, thanks for the support guys, i am fully aware that i am only 16 mom thanks for telling me again. why dont you let me know when you think i have enough life experience, that would be much appreciated.
mostly i just dont talk.

i feel like every time that something bad has ever happened to me i have gotten that sick lower gut feeling that something is wrong beforehand. and when i notice that something doesnt feel right i stop what i am doing and nothing bad happens for the most part. i guess i put a lot of trust in my intuition or instincts or whatever. of course that wouldnt stop me from getting run over by a car, or hit by a plane or any uncontrollable shit like that, i guess.


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## Labea

i've had worst things happen to me in a home then on the fucking streets. i hate bing a housie, but after getting caught and put into a foster home, that's nothing i never want to fucking go through again. my parents just say "please, PLEASE finish highschool, your throwing your life away, what are you going to do when you get too old" and shit alike. you'd think that the fact that im the one doing it, and im not even scared, would ease em up a little. i havnt really talked to my dad about it at all. we rarely talk. he doesnt understand at all. and my mom is just psycho. my step dad understands more. he did alot of trainhopping and camping and hiking and hitching in the 70s, so we can relate more. he understands why i do it, and respects me for it, and supports my views and all around is just a guy who knows more and has done more than anyone i know, so for him to give me the O.K., really means alot to me. i tried talkin to my step mom about it once and she is so absent minded, she says "i think the only way you can live for free is in a convent"

guh huh

i got alot of shit from my peers too. everyone said "why would you run away? did you even have a reason? why dont you just go back to your mommy and daddy?"

people can be such dumbasses.


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## odd

my dad couldn't give a shit what i do and where i do it as long as it doesn't give him a bad name... so i made sure to give him one.hahaha iv'e always had alot of freedom and it sure as hell didn't come free. 
my ma actually just bought me a bus ticket back home (yes i cheated) just cuz i wanted to come home she's an awesome woman who struggles to understand and bring meaning to my choice of life even though she was a straight A student who never partied. she sits wide eyed and tight lipped when i tell her my stories iv'e told that poor lady things that no mother should ever have to hear. she takes it very well considering the trouble iv'e gotten into. im so grateful for this woman and truely wish there was more moms like her (don't get me wrong she truely is a butcher knife wheelding physco bitch...litterally). love ya mom


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## hellomonday

i dont like the term "runaway" i like the term, "young adventurer"


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## Matt Derrick

hellomonday said:


> i dont like the term "runaway" i like the term, "young adventurer"



haha... im going to have to start saying that.


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## skunkpit

dose em on black walnut leaf...
sedation


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## jack ransom

my folks worry, but are supportive. I'm really lucky. back in the day, my dad used to hitchhike across the city (sketchy, in my opinion) to get to football practice. dude was 15 years old and did this a few times a week for a couple summers.


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## lilylove

yeah my mum is super supportive too. I started hoping and hitching when i was in the states, so it was easy to tell her all my adventures, she was keen to hear what i was up to, so took it really well. Then came back to Aus and carried on the lifestyle and she just kind of laughs it off now i guess. She knows i'll be as sensible as i can, take precautions etc Plus shes a lawyer so just makes jokes like 'yeah hun, thats great, have fun, and call me when you need me to bail me out' 

I think she's just really happy knowing that i tell her most things, and she generally has some idea of where i am. When i head off on a trip she says 'dont get arrested... oh, thats fixable... just don't get aids'. haha, shes a trooper. Of course shes a mother though, and will always worry. I can understand that, but she doesnt let it hinder my travelling freedom, so we respect eachother and can communicate well.


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## Grace

My parents were less than supportive when I brought my trainhopping boyfriend home and told them that (after a month of knowing each other) we were moving to Portland and were going to start trainhopping. This is, of course, after getting arrested for some illicit activities including illegal substances and money changing hands. Win some, lose some. It's a great fucking story and I wouldn't change a thing.

Anyway, they never expected anything like that from me, and, being an upper middle class white chick with overly controlling parents, a free ride to college, a taste for freedom and a love of privacy, things didn't go as planned. My ex-boyfriend is now heartbroken because the fear my parents had for our future was incredibly contagious, and the relationship I had was long distance. It's too bad, too, because it would have been so romantic. 

Sometimes I wish they will lighten the fuck up and be chill about the ridiculous things that I do. Sometimes I feel as though I am ridiculous and they are right. Most of the time I just try to keep my mouth shut and remember that their ideals, history, and lives are so completely different than mine that we exist on separate wavelengths. They'll never understand the appeal of this lifestyle, the wonderousness of drugs used in moderation, or the amazing life stories I've had so young. The only thing that really fucking pisses me off is when my mother makes some agist comment about how she's had more life experience and I'll understand one day. Married to her highschool sweetheart and three kids before 30. Been to Europe on holiday and through a hurricane. Some life experience. Now she talks to me about traffic patterns for at least 20 minutes every day, or says "Allie, know what would be a great idea?..." and then continues to tell me about some entrepernurial opportunity she has cooking in her scatterbrain that will never happen. It's sad when you think of your own parents as pathetic, but that's what has happened.


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## loam

yeah, i call my family occasionally and i'm disinclined to tell them about my lifestyle. it's sad but they just can't handle the fact that i'm a squatter. they know what i do but pretend i'm "normal". but thats really a syndrome of the times.


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## macks

my folks were at first pretty shocked ("how are you getting there?", me: "shrug", "you're not planning on HITCHHIKING are you!?"). needless to say when my pops was my age he was hitching across the country so i know he doesn't have too much room to talk. so after they realized they couldn't do anything about the fact that yes indeed i was planning to hitch hike they were more alright with it and even shared some crazy ass stories of their own with me. some of the sketchier ones spooked me a bit but i figured they were still alive and kicking so i might as well go out and adventure as well. when i got back safe and sound and had only good stories to tell they loosened up a lot. i suppose i have been blessed with unusually understanding parental types but all it took for me was deciding that they weren't going to change my mind and they respected that..


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## fynnigan

Hmm. Explaining to them that hitching is your preferred method of travel for this, this and this reason, that you are going to engage in this mode of transport for said reasons, and whether or not they respect it they can; 
a) have pleasant exchanges with you when you call to touch base, or 
b) not know whether or not you are safe because it is too miserable for you to talk to one another because of this conflict. 
... I nipped this one right in the bud when I took off from Wpg (age 17) and called my mum from Vancouver a couple days later to explain that I was doing some travelling. Not too much can shock them anymore, so it's all good. Very blessed to have the folks I have.


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## Zanzae

Now I've gotten to a point that's better with my family. I tell them that I dumpster dive, hitch-hike and ride trains. My mom's pretty ok with most of it, but my dad's the one who's a little more worried (surprising, because he did a bunch of hitch-hiking when he was younger, and hopped a train once). My mom picks up hitch-hikers when she's car-travelling, and my dad flies and stuff a lot now. My dad still isn't telling his parents (my grandparents) what I'm doing, though his sister (my aunt) knows and is pretty ok with it. I haven't talked to my cousin at all since she exploded at me...she doesn't change her mind much either. Such is life, everyone has their own reactions. I love hearing other peoples' families' reactions!


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## Labea

its really interesting to see how relatives respond to this subculture they have never been exposed to. My mom expresses pure shock, and amazement. she wouldn't last a day sleeping under a bridge and living off of dumpstered pizza. all my relatives on her side pretty much dont care, and think im a nut bag. dads side doesnt talk to me much, they think im crazy too.

a few weeks after i had ran away i was on the busy tourist street in denver smoking and playing the drum, when a man in a business suit comes up to me and hands me a phone. i look at him as if he is crazy, and then realize i know him, but can't quite remember. Turns out he had called his wife, my aunt, and gave me the phone. i was really scared, and surprised he didnt alert the nearest authority. and at that moment i was with some older 30's ish lookin guys while my boyfriend was off doing something or other, and i got an email from my step mom saying they knew i was with older men and to take care of myself.

they thought i was fucking whoring myself.

>=(


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## Matt Derrick

Labea said:


> its really interesting to see how relatives respond to this subculture they have never been exposed to. My mom expresses pure shock, and amazement. she wouldn't last a day sleeping under a bridge and living off of dumpstered pizza. all my relatives on her side pretty much dont care, and think im a nut bag. dads side doesnt talk to me much, they think im crazy too.
> 
> a few weeks after i had ran away i was on the busy tourist street in denver smoking and playing the drum, when a man in a business suit comes up to me and hands me a phone. i look at him as if he is crazy, and then realize i know him, but can't quite remember. Turns out he had called his wife, my aunt, and gave me the phone. i was really scared, and surprised he didnt alert the nearest authority. and at that moment i was with some older 30's ish lookin guys while my boyfriend was off doing something or other, and i got an email from my step mom saying they knew i was with older men and to take care of myself.
> 
> they thought i was fucking whoring myself.
> 
> >=(



haha... sorry, but i could really picture that situation and it seemed comical... im sure it wasn't at the time tho.


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## Labea

MattPist said:


> Labea said:
> 
> 
> 
> a few weeks after i had ran away i was on the busy tourist street in denver smoking and playing the drum, when a man in a business suit comes up to me and hands me a phone. i look at him as if he is crazy, and then realize i know him, but can't quite remember. Turns out he had called his wife, my aunt, and gave me the phone. i was really scared, and surprised he didnt alert the nearest authority. and at that moment i was with some older 30's ish lookin guys while my boyfriend was off doing something or other, and i got an email from my step mom saying they knew i was with older men and to take care of myself.
> 
> they thought i was fucking whoring myself.
> 
> >=(
> 
> 
> 
> 
> haha... sorry, but i could really picture that situation and it seemed comical... im sure it wasn't at the time tho.
Click to expand...


well, in a demeaning sort of way, it was funny. but it really toyed with my mind to know that my parents thought i would do something like that. But, with all things considered, i guess after me leaving they wouldnt be very surprised by anything.


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## byrdster7891

I've been hopping trains and sometimes hitchhikin for four years. since i was only a wee lil 13. when I was younger my dad used to get very very upset about my travels. It tore him apart to know his little baby was going all over the country with unscrupulous characters. Now, four long (and not to mention very bizarre) years later hes still very skeptical of my wanderings. 
I think he'll never quite become comfortable with my travels, because I'm the youngest of five. But, he has calmed down a lot. I mean, I'm not 13 anymore and I have developed the ability of abstract thought. I think parents who haves kids on the road they keep in touch with will always, in some way, be worried at all times. Its a paternal instinct.


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