# What now?



## dirty andy (Sep 18, 2016)

I haven't been very active here for a minute , mostly due to getting in and then out of a brief (?) serious nine month relationship with a childhood friend. Known her forever, was there for her through tough times with her numerous ex boyfriends, etc. "I found someone else, it's not you its me" blah blah blah. No fighting , no screaming and no theft this time thankfully. My last ex of three years cleaned my apartment of everything, even the toothbrush so I suppose I can count that as a win.

Still I'm back to feeling that very strange, sick hollow feeling all day, and desperately trying to defeat the insomnia at night while readjusting to sleeping alone. Travel seems so right, seems like a damn good idea, but I have a union job now, that I can't fuck up. I'm doing well, haven't screwed up yet, but it's tempting ha. 

What do you do afterwards? When it's really over? A long time ago it was dope, the last time copious amounts of alcohol but I've been scared of both as of late (even tho I do drink ). I don't wanna fill a hole with drugs I'd just rather feel ok again. Pick up and move on , I know that's the real answer but I am severely lacking motivation. My room mate was sincerely very surprised I still had a job when I told him about this when he got home from vacation. I think I need new friends, new scene, new something, but that's a lie, because I don't know what I need. Haha analyze me you fuckers. Y'all know I don't have money for therapy xD


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## creature (Sep 18, 2016)

live with it.


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## zipty6425 (Sep 18, 2016)

My 2 cents. Keep working and just be thankful for what's still going right and forget about what isn't. Travelling is always there. Sometimes work isn't... So don't mess up a promising future for a dead end road.


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## Kim Chee (Sep 18, 2016)

Tell your roommate how cool he is.
Keep working so you can put a burrito in Matt's mouth
Go to the bookstore or coffee shop, meet another girl then buy her a pastry.


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## creature (Sep 18, 2016)

not being a prick.

live with it, or get dead.

don't fuck yourself over like an emotional junkie, either.

don't spend time trying to manipulate yourself, your resources, your existence, etc., in order to "get a good feeling".

there is only one relationship that counts;
whether or not you hate yourself, more than respect yourself..

& i don't know which of those two quantities should be greater, but i do know that if you try & find someone so that you don't feel bad, you've already sold out, because love, in a relationship, isn't about what *you* feel..

it is, at the minimum, about two people trying to be fair to each other..

don't make me fucking lecture you..

by no fucking way am i saying anything all butterfliey & unicorny like "love will find you!l"

fuck that shit.

live with it.

live well, try & do what you believe.

fuck everyone else, unless they are trying to do the same way, more or less the way you are..

& if they aren't, but still try & serve something thing they believe is more important than themselves?

well.. until we all kill each other off, that is what Honor serves, unless they are just fucking ideologues..


in which case there is only pity.

so live with it.

have your 
Honor,

instead of pity...


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## creature (Sep 18, 2016)

Can I have a burrito, too??

; )

off topic.. sorry, but hell..

if you need something to take your mind off it, get to the jambo!!

burritos for all!!!

: )


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## dirty andy (Sep 18, 2016)

I was waiting for you to post you old weirdo , but I didn't wanna summon you straight out in my message. Ha xD


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## Kim Chee (Sep 18, 2016)

dirty andy said:


> I was waiting for you to post you old weirdo , but I didn't wanna summon you straight out in my message. Ha xD



I think everybody should eat a burrito with @creature.


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## zipty6425 (Sep 18, 2016)

Creature- Just to clarify, Do you mean live with it and STAY? Or live with it and GO TRAVEL? "Live with it" is kind of confusing... Or maybe I'm just slow in the head... LOL I wouldn't argue that accusation. I'm a non-politicaly correct retard... But yea I think he's trying to decide if he should stay or go. I'm still confused about what your suggestion is


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## creature (Sep 18, 2016)

i mean.. kinda like when you have a really bad toothache, & there's no dentist & smaking it out with a rock doesn't work..

: ( # )


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## creature (Sep 18, 2016)

but.. travel.. yeah.. i missed that context.. hol' on..


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## zipty6425 (Sep 18, 2016)

You could always tie it to a door nob... I'll slam the door shut, just don't punch me afterwards.

This one dude tied it to a brick and dropped it...

OMG! Thank god for youtube!!! I'd be lost without it... and STP!!! You guys are awesome!


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## Kim Chee (Sep 18, 2016)

This website http://www.pickuplinesgalore.com has a complete shitton of pickup lines for you for just about every occasion.

I'm sure you can get somehing in there to work.


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## creature (Sep 18, 2016)

even travel is a drug..

& drugs ain't a bad thing, if they are used constructively..

hell.. love, sex, TV, alcohol, nicotine, natural potency opiates, sugar, vitamins, loafing, bitching, news, whatever..

they aren't bad, so long as the addiction isn't (oops.. edit) -unmanageable-..

so long as you make no moral compromise to support your habit..

you don't steal for it, you don't invade the secure personal space of others (to threaten or cause intentional discomfort, for the sake of the habit), you don't put others at risk, etc., etc., etc..

so.. if you need to escape the pain of loneliness, but cannot escape it without fairness towards others being the single primacy which you must preserve, then choose the means by which you escape until you find one by which you can..

hell.. travel is a drug..
experience is a drug..

*Life* is a drug, 'y know??

yer gonna be fine, Mr. DA..


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## creature (Sep 18, 2016)

think they'd go for "hey, baby.. i got a burritooo tied to my tooth!! wanna see it??!!"

; )


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## Mankini (Sep 20, 2016)

Try nihilism. Nihilism, serious, rooftop sleeping downtown Parkour leaping nihilism tends to replicate that oxytocin/dopamine cocktail that girls give in a nice, and pleasant way. Also, I've found literature, art, and music to help quite a bit. First I sampled Pablo Neruda for a short period. Then, Dostoevsky's "Crime & Punishment"; Cormac McCarthy's ''Blood Meridian'' and BE Ellis' "American Psycho".

"Here is the ultimatum of our camp. What can be smashed must be smashed; whatever will stand the blow is sound, what flies into smithereens is rubbish; at any rate, hit out right and left, no harm will or can come of it." -Dmitri Pisarev

Discover the difference between anarchy and nihilism: many seem to lump the two together but one is a system of thought and the other is just Zen.

But yes, nothing feels better after a breakup than a yearlong orgy of nihilistic frenzy.

I targeted gas stations. Theyre ubiquitous, and more than mildly annoying. So I physically removed the two employees and set them gently outside, then locked the doors and shut off the pumps and left. For hours noone was able to fuel, pay, or buy anything, not to mention the two clerks were left to take a good long look at themselves and their role in the global fossil fuel/terrorist construct. So much glee I found myself not thinking about *her* at all. Oxytocin.

Get a length of chain and padlock undesirable businesses shut at 4 in the morning. Pour epoxy into every available orifice.

Tip people outrageous amounts with other peoples credit cards. Write bad checks. Forge stuff. Shoot at stuff.

It is the dark, inaccessible part of our personality, what little we know of it we have learned from our study of the dreamwork and of course the construction of neurotic symptoms, and most of that is of a negative character and can be described only as a contrast to the ego. We approach the id with analogies: we call it a chaos, a cauldron full of seething excitations. ... It is filled with energy reaching it from the instincts, but it has no organization, produces no collective will, but only a striving to bring about the satisfaction of the instinctual needs subject to the observance of the pleasure principle.
-Sigmund Freud, The Id.


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