# Gender stuff



## Birdie (Jan 31, 2015)

So for most of my life I thought I lived in a society that wasn't ruled by men. I still do believe that. Somewhat. 
I didn't really notice this until recently but a lot of the crappy stuff that has happened to me in my life have occurred because I was born with parts. Parts that, biologically, function for the same reason as men's. So it's all stupid and unfair to really everyone (Everyone) that some decisions people make are still based on gender. 

Like someone grabbing my butt, or trying to kiss me because I just happen to be there. With some parts. Or treating me differently because a person saw my parts AND LO AND BEHOLD THEY COME A COURTING. Or doubting my work because of my parts or dragging me into an alley to rape me because of parts or my mother hating me because of my parts because she took some horrible idea (instilled on us by a society ruled by men that women need to compete) to the absolute extreme that I was abused and HATED by my MOTHER as a child.

Not to leave men out either! I still hear really really ridiculous stuff about how men shouldn't show emotions like crying. Or that they're pussies because they like something girls are expected to like and that they also need to buy into gender based lifestyles.

And it's still ridiculous that I have to talk about this. That it still hurts others just like me and can really really fuck them up in the long run. 

So one thing was said to me a few days ago that really got this ball rolling. 
"I want a pink cake!"-me talking about my birthday
"Oh, you're finally becoming a real girl!" -Someone who I really thought knew me.
So my first thought was "what was I before this? I always identified as a female and I never liked wearing pink.(oh guess what my mother made me wear nothing but when I grew up because "That's what girls do!") So that was degrading. Because I take pride identifying as this particular gender. As should everyone with whatever they feel/choose to be. And because of a a couple of x chromosomes and a choice I guess I'm still expected to go along with this slough of other stuff. And if you are into "that stuff" whatever it may be it doesn't measure what you are. Like, I'm trying to say all of this so everyone gets it. It's uncool. And you're not born with ignorance it's something taught by people who just don't understand something.

The worst part is that there are still places in the world where the virginity of a woman can mean life or death for her, where a girl can be married off without consent, or it's too fucking dangerous for a woman to walk down the street at night or someone will be killed because they don't identify with what they were assigned to.

it's just really ridiculous. When you think about it. There are zillions of stars, galaxies, worlds, and lives. We live on a planet that's mostly ocean where creatures like the blue whale swim. Where microscopic lifeforms convert sunlight to energy. Where people are dying over other stupid things like money. Where we all share a moon and sun and and brains and stuff. It's just a total fucking buzz kill in the grand scheme of things.

So just, educate yourself, educate others and think before you speak, really ask your self if what you say and do is really going to fuck up someone else. Just think about how fucking cool trees and blue whales and the human body (no matter the shape or size) are.

I dunno. There is still a lot more to say. I only scratched the surface.


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## Tude (Jan 31, 2015)

Well written my friend. I work at a small community college where diversity is a big theme here - not only do we have students and professors from all over the world, but with many races and religions and genders as well. Yeah I've come across a couple of issues in my hallway travels, but we work at it too. Lots of events and club activities that aim at acceptance - gender, religion, etc. It is a challenge - but one I think we're winning. Be proud of who you are and be yourself. <hugs>


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## VikingAdventurer (Jan 31, 2015)

I like this. I'm really in favor of Equality and Egalitarianism, even though I was raised in a very patriarchal-type home growing up. I really wish my mom would've had the balls to teach me about stuff like this as a child, instead of having to learn it on my own when I'm older and the learning process is much more complicated. If/when *I* have any kids, I'm definitely gonna teach them this stuff FIRST, so when they're my age, they'll have an enormous advantage over the way I was raised.


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## Kim Chee (Jan 31, 2015)

You may not be able to educate the world, but you can be the shining example you are.

Perhaps you could benefit from caring a little less about what others think? Give it a shot if you haven't tried. I care about people and how they feel, but when their values are used to impinge upon mine, they are done. Needless to say, I'm a bit of a loner and even spent years away from other people like a hermit.

As for being groped (assaulted) I hope you have good coping skills and know that there are people who care enough to discuss those things with you if they continue to trouble you.


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## Birdie (Jan 31, 2015)

Viking_Adventurer said:


> I like this. I'm really in favor of Equality and Egalitarianism, even though I was raised in a very patriarchal-type home growing up. I really wish my mom would've had the balls to teach me about stuff like this as a child, instead of having to learn it on my own when I'm older and the learning process is much more complicated. If/when *I* have any kids, I'm definitely gonna teach them this stuff FIRST, so when they're my age, they'll have an enormous advantage over the way I was raised.



Well, really everyone should talk about this. Moms, dads, teachers. The disney movies we could have been raised on should have taught us this. Notice how many kids shows nowadays (and back in the 90's. Not sure how much before that. I'm sure there were some) Are really trying to educate people on simple morals and even big time issues. That's a powerful thing. So many kids watch TV and are practically raised on it. My dad was all for equality but he (also affected by the old ways ((harhar)) felt that he had no right to talk to me about it unless I said something really really dumb. Anyway, TV is a tool, everyone needs to step up to this.

I dig your plan, man! Keepp up the loooooove.


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## Birdie (Jan 31, 2015)

Before I go on and on, I bring up disney in a bad light (while they are gorgeous movies and generally pretty sweet) because their idea of feminism and empowerment is Frozen.


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## Kal (Jan 31, 2015)

Just be who you are and be proud of who you are and the hell with what people think.


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## creature (Jan 31, 2015)

one of the things to bear in mind is that there is an evolutionary process going on..

i dunno who it was that said (paraphrasing) "give me a child's mind for the first 5 years, and i will have it for life", but it's fairly true..

it takes a lot of fighting & a lot work to change people enough as adults to change them as parents, & hence change their kids..

hate the ignorance..
but don't hate the people that are..

unless they *choose* ignorance, when they understand truth..

then dig the fucking trenches..

a lot of ignorance is so ingrained that it never goes away in the life of whom holds it..

ideological perceptual mechanisms are on the same order as vision processing, musical attenuation, grammatical logic & a shitload of other things that when they are learned become an element of primary cognitive scaffolding.

i'm not saying tolerate what's fucked up, but i am saying it may be more constructive to have pity than anger, unless you are willing to engage in physical conflict.. there was a whole fucking civil war in this country over the same sort of shit, so evaluate the progress we're making objectively.

*sudden*, radical cultural change does *not* occur without conflict, so choose your methods of .. uh... cough, cough..
engendering it, wisely..

lots of shit sucks, no doubt.. 
' sucks' being a suckily insufficient sucky way to say it..

i am *not* saying be *either* satisfied or accepting..

i am saying to make sure your energies are directed effectively & rationally, and to not be blind to what people have done, which has given you sight, though your vision is necessarily far, far different..

nothing is so great a waste of energy as useless hatred, because hatred is the very thing that directs our anger.

it is the case, then, that if we hate wrongly our very efforts will be wrong..

hate injustice.
hate greed
hate unfairness
hate usury..

but don't hate people who don't know enough to know that they are utterly fucked, unless your personal freedom or that of whom you love is instantly & immediately dependent upon physical conflict in matters of essential justice.

i downplay it, too, because there may very well be a point that the only real option, before the threshold is actually crossed may be to do one's damandest to Get The Fuck Out...

there is only so much that one can hold blameless because of ignorance, and most of that, really, is just an extending of the 'benefit of the doubt'..

frankly? when hell breaks loose? i don't want to be around.

when the real revolution comes, i don't even want to be here.

we are *way* past the line, already.. way fucking past it.
& the reason we are is because every single one of us, bureaucrat, politician, freak, 9to5'er, traveler, teacher, artist, ball player or service desk, 

knows just how bad it will be when it all fucking caves in...

god help the other side, if the people who *want* to get the fuck out, cannot.

hopefully things will keep changing, & before the air is foul, or the water fracked, or the fish all dead, or foodstamps buy only water & wafer, the process will continue & fairness may yet prevail..

& people like me will at worst be cowards, & at best simply the disgusted fucks they are who need to get away from the shit of 'civilization'...

i suspect that the things you are seeing will continue for about another 200 years, on the high end (other than the religious crap that will continue to pollute the souls of children to fucking innocent to chose for themselves), yet at the same time i do not see this ideological advancement as being purely philosophical..
there are many humans who use other humans, any way they can..

they have a habit of telling people what they want to hear, and using the resultant concordance a coercive stratagem.

politics,
money
influence..

it won't be until we are finally, finally, finally reduced to a state of destruction & selection so great that *cooperation* is the great selective factor, and when *that* time comes, i want to be where i can help whoever survives keep the shit that has happened to *you* from happening again..

peace, sis..

c


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## creature (Jan 31, 2015)

one of the things to bear in mind is that there is an evolutionary process going on..

i dunno who it was that said (paraphrasing) "give me a child's mind for the first 5 years, and i will have it for life", but it's fairly true..

it takes a lot of fighting & a lot work to change people enough as adults to change them as parents, & hence change their kids..

hate the ignorance..
but don't hate the people that are..

unless they *choose* ignorance, when they understand truth..

then dig the fucking trenches..

a lot of ignorance is so ingrained that it never goes away in the life of whom holds it..

ideological perceptual mechanisms are on the same order as vision processing, musical attenuation, grammatical logic & a shitload of other things that when they are learned become an element of primary cognitive scaffolding.

i'm not saying tolerate what's fucked up, but i am saying it may be more constructive to have pity than anger, unless you are willing to engage in physical conflict.. there was a whole fucking civil war in this country over the same sort of shit, so evaluate the progress we're making objectively.

*sudden*, radical cultural change does *not* occur without conflict, so choose your methods of .. uh... cough, cough..
engendering it, wisely..

lots of shit sucks, no doubt.. 
' sucks' being a suckily insufficient sucky way to say it..

i am *not* saying be *either* satisfied or accepting..

i am saying to make sure your energies are directed effectively & rationally, and to not be blind to what people have done, which has given you sight, though your vision is necessarily far, far different..

nothing is so great a waste of energy as useless hatred, because hatred is the very thing that directs our anger.

it is the case, then, that if we hate wrongly our very efforts will be wrong..

hate injustice.
hate greed
hate unfairness
hate usury..

but don't hate people who don't know enough to know that they are utterly fucked, unless your personal freedom or that of whom you love is instantly & immediately dependent upon physical conflict in matters of essential justice.

i downplay it, too, because there may very well be a point that the only real option, before the threshold is actually crossed may be to do one's damandest to Get The Fuck Out...

there is only so much that one can hold blameless because of ignorance, and most of that, really, is just an extending of the 'benefit of the doubt'..

frankly? when hell breaks loose? i don't want to be around.

when the real revolution comes, i don't even want to be here.

we are *way* past the line, already.. way fucking past it.
& the reason we are is because every single one of us, bureaucrat, politician, freak, 9to5'er, traveler, teacher, artist, ball player or service desk, 

knows just how bad it will be when it all fucking caves in...

god help the other side, if the people who *want* to get the fuck out, cannot.

hopefully things will keep changing, & before the air is foul, or the water fracked, or the fish all dead, or foodstamps buy only water & wafer, the process will continue & fairness may yet prevail..

& people like me will at worst be cowards, & at best simply the disgusted fucks they are who need to get away from the shit of 'civilization'...

i suspect that the things you are seeing will continue for about another 200 years, on the high end (other than the religious crap that will continue to pollute the souls of children to fucking innocent to chose for themselves), yet at the same time i do not see this ideological advancement as being purely philosophical..
there are many humans who use other humans, any way they can..

they have a habit of telling people what they want to hear, and using the resultant concordance a coercive stratagem.

politics,
money
influence..

it won't be until we are finally, finally, finally reduced to a state of destruction & selection so great that *cooperation* is the great selective factor, and when *that* time comes, i want to be where i can help whoever survives keep the shit that has happened to *you* from happening again..

peace, sis..

c


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## Birdie (Feb 1, 2015)

I hope it doesn't sound like I have hate in my heart toward the ignorant. I really don't. 

Creature, while you do make a good point I think I have a little more hope for the future. I'm a simple person and my viewpoint on *this* was little more than apathetic not very long ago. Change isn't as hard to come by as we think. I'm not sure what the formula is but if it can be done to me then it can be done for anyone.

I also realize that this isn't a victimless kind of crime. If the perpetrators can actually go through life the way they do then I'm glad I at least have other good people and a conscience to guide me. Stay hopeful. Change is in the air!


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## Art101 (Feb 1, 2015)

Stand strong on your beliefs there. I grew up in the period where things were really just starting to change and have seen progress.My gf is a manager of a med lab.Even 20 yrs ago this prob wouldnt have been possible.I support her every way I can..While my advice may be a touch on the fuck um and use a big stick I try to be positive.In otherwords things are changing slowly..As for the gropers....tazer their asses lol.


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