# Road emotions



## benjysirois (Jun 11, 2013)

Perhaps it's simply something you just get through but I'm dealing with a lot of distress, sadness and loneliness out here on the road. I'm free, at last, after 20 years and I've made amazing headway for my first time long distance hitching: southern Ontario to Regina in a week. I do hope thats good at least aha. However, I'm having all those aforementioned emotions, I'm sick now because of it and its just not a good feeling to experience. 

Any suggestions to get over this?


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## thapoet (Jun 11, 2013)

the only thing that cures loneliness is either company or more loneliness.... you actually outlined the problem in ur statement. u said its ur first long range trip. the reality of not being a sociable person every single day sinks in... the distress is normal, its part of ur fight or flight chemical reactions. its distress is the sick child of fear and anxiety... if you nip either one in the bud, fear or anxiety, distress goes away.... now, sadness, thats the worst one of all my friend. sadness is you dealing with ur demons. you better whoop them before they devour you. when you wake up in the morning, close ur eyes, face the sunrise, take some deep breaths, open ur eyes and remind urself why u are out there. remember what it is that finally set u free... it was a decision you made, and u should be proud of it, and then say out loud, "today is a beautiful day to find somewhere i have never seen before" and at night, do the same thing in the sunset and remember, if it werent for the day you just witnessed, u would not have this chance to love tomorrow.... i know that sounds all artsy fartsy and stuff, but i think its just what you needed to hear. remember man, ur out there to see the beauty, to seek out peace, to love what other miss everyday in there drive to hurry up.... slow down, enjoy you, be you, and do you!!! and if all that fails, find a puppy


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## Matt Derrick (Jun 11, 2013)

good advice from thapoet, id also say that having someone to share your adventures with will help a lot too.


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## benjysirois (Jun 11, 2013)

thapoet said:


> the only thing that cures loneliness is either company or more loneliness.... you actually outlined the problem in ur statement. u said its ur first long range trip. the reality of not being a sociable person every single day sinks in... the distress is normal, its part of ur fight or flight chemical reactions. its distress is the sick child of fear and anxiety... if you nip either one in the bud, fear or anxiety, distress goes away.... now, sadness, thats the worst one of all my friend. sadness is you dealing with ur demons. you better whoop them before they devour you. when you wake up in the morning, close ur eyes, face the sunrise, take some deep breaths, open ur eyes and remind urself why u are out there. remember what it is that finally set u free... it was a decision you made, and u should be proud of it, and then say out loud, "today is a beautiful day to find somewhere i have never seen before" and at night, do the same thing in the sunset and remember, if it werent for the day you just witnessed, u would not have this chance to love tomorrow.... i know that sounds all artsy fartsy and stuff, but i think its just what you needed to hear. remember man, ur out there to see the beauty, to seek out peace, to love what other miss everyday in there drive to hurry up.... slow down, enjoy you, be you, and do you!!! and if all that fails, find a puppy



Thanks, that already put quite the smile on my face


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## thapoet (Jun 11, 2013)

you'll be ok kid, as long as u remember why u set out in the first place. for most of us, the thrill of adventure is only a small piece. we are all looking for something, thats the thread that holds us together man. everyone is searching for something.... when i figure out what i am looking for, and find it, i'll letcha know, lol... the truth is, we are kindred spirits. for us, there is something more that being another brick in the wall. anyways, theres lotsa great folks here that have much better advice than i can give, and by reaching out your showing yourself that this joirney must go on and ur not gunna let those road emotions stop you... also, like matt said, try to find urself a roaddog. a cuddle bunny is even better, but a roaddog will do


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## wizehop (Jun 13, 2013)

Man its all part of the journey. Its not just about the happy days, its about the sum of all experiences. All those feelings play a big part in finding yourself as you go through the trials and tribulations that come along with traveling. It contributes to your character development and its good for you, so take it all in.
Learning to be alone is no different than trying to navigate your way out of a big city, its all part of the journey. I'd even argue that its the main reason we travel, whether we are conscious of it or not. Don't worry though, by the time your my age you'll hate everyone and be avoiding people anyhow. Joking of course...well sort of.
Either way man its a normal and necessary part of self discovery, so embrace it and take as much of it in as you can. I hope you have a journal and your writing the shit out of it!
When people go to see movies they go to experience all sorts of emotions, and they pay for it. Its funny that in real life we only ever try to chase down one.
If your down for meeting people though (which is also a great part of the experience) I would recommend finding drop in centers and or soup kitchens ext. I have always met kids in places like this. Just find a table with some cool looking people sitting at it and make contact.

Chin up lad, this mission is about perseverance. You will come out of it a stronger man.


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## schmutz (Jun 13, 2013)

I agree. It is in the quiet times alone that I find myself. Sometimes it is painful but I wouldn't trade those times for anything. There is always another good time....adventure....new friend....laughter around the corner though


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## Kate Westcoast (Jun 13, 2013)

For me once life on the road isnt a romantic idea you day dream about but becomes your actually lfestyle the excitment and high you once got from it wears off because...its all regular life again. I traveled alone for 8months and as i did enjoy that time with all the "road emotions" having someone by your side through the quiet times is really nice...and but alone time is important too and its hard to balance it all out there. Ive been traveling with the same person for almost a year now and its been great but i doiss being alone


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## Tonkor (Jul 9, 2013)

There's some really sound advise above. This is also a time to find your spirituality. Talk to some spirits, talk to yourself, delve deeper into your religion or even make your own religion up. There is more than what meets the eye in this world. Try to open up so you can connect to the things you can't see... once you have done that you will never be lonely again. Try making things levitate with your mind or try meditating... hell, no one is around to see you if it seems weird or embarrassing to you... in fact, take advantage of being alone and do all the things society doesn't approve of: pick your nose, chew with your mouth open and chew nice and loud, pull your own finger and rip one off (if you back into a corner you can use the corner to amplify it and make yourself REALLY proud! I call it corner loading... or corner UNloading, work on your Bruce Lee moves... really relish and take advantage of being alone... just don't make a habit out of it so you can still "blend in and not offend" when needed later on! lol Also, what seems to help a lot, is to find some herbs to carry with you. Both the kind you smoke as well as ones you can just smell or burn for incense. Try to find White Sage/Ceremony Sage and burn that when your feeling down, sad and/or lonely... its guaranteed to lift your mood. I think incense is very helpful in many ways and people normally don't consider bringing them along. You can burn them to lift your mood, make the area your in smell better or smoke yourself to get rid of your funk, they are cheap and weigh next to nothing... not so good for keeping a low profile so use your common sense in those situations. I hope I helped and maybe even made you laugh a little. Take this as a challenge and an opportunity to grow and gain strength in a "glass half full" kind of way and you will do just fine homie. Keep your head up-Tonkor


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## finn (Jul 11, 2013)

My advice would be to keep a journal or to write letters to friends or both. Maybe keep a journal for the purpose of writing letters to friends- the friends feel closer to you when you feel like you are in the process of reaching to them.


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## briancray (Oct 26, 2013)

I wrote postcards to people, kept a blog of my day and thoughts, and just thought about why I chose the new lifestyle. Honestly, the last three months on the road felt like a year with all the experiences. People come and go. My best advice is whenever I got lonely I tried to think of a great time in my life. Like banging a girl I loved, or spending some time with some buddies I hadn't seen in a while to raise my spirits. That seemed to help a lot. Also, losing myself in a great book helped too. A lot of the info above is very helpful. This is just ways I coped with loneliness. Road life made me overcome a lot of fears, which sets me free. Loneliness being one of them so I can relate.


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## Endy (Oct 30, 2013)

I write down stuff at the end of the day. It helps me get all those bad feelings out and then I can look at them. Sometimes I just throw the piece of paper away and imagine all the feelings getting thrown away or I keep it, look at it in the morning and realize that life isn't so bad after some sleep. Also, meditating helps. Just find somewhere quiet and focus on your breathing and nothing else. I thought it wasn't going to help the first time I tried it but it's hard to feel bad about anything when you're totally focused on inhaling and exhaling. Also, if that doesn't work find a puppy like the other person said. It's impossible to feel bad when you have a puppy.


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## Road Dogg (Oct 31, 2013)

i know what u mean my life on the road has been really lonely wish people would take the time 2 get 2 know instead of judging right away now evrybody i am not who u yall try 2 make me out 2 be i havent logged 4 awhile cause of the mean comments that where said regarding my post. is it wrong 4 a man 2 want love on the road. if anyboyd has opinions 2 that comment bout is it wrong 2 want love on the road and find the one girl that can travel with uand ejoy the life u like msg at road dogg


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## briancray (Oct 31, 2013)

Road Dogg said:


> i know what u mean my life on the road has been really lonely wish people would take the time 2 get 2 know instead of judging right away now evrybody i am not who u yall try 2 make me out 2 be i havent logged 4 awhile cause of the mean comments that where said regarding my post. is it wrong 4 a man 2 want love on the road. if anyboyd has opinions 2 that comment bout is it wrong 2 want love on the road and find the one girl that can travel with uand ejoy the life u like msg at road dogg



I think a part of everyone wants that. It would be cool, but I love traveling enough that that is all I need at this point in my life. It would be hard since most women want to settle down, which conflicts with traveling. If you find it go with it, but my opinion is love comes and goes. Focus on yourself and don't let it change your plans...you'll regret it in the end.


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## Road Dogg (Oct 31, 2013)

i just dont like bein alone at night havin to snuggle alone and talk 2 myself alone and all tha ya know


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## briancray (Oct 31, 2013)

Road Dogg said:


> i just dont like bein alone at night havin to snuggle alone and talk 2 myself alone and all tha ya know



True. I feel you man. I'm a hopless romantic, but I look back on all the times I was in love and in one place and something was missing. I'm happier traveling so if someone comes along and shares my passion cool. If not I'll continue living the way I am now. Try to find a hobby to keep you occupied like reading. If that doesn't work hit up a bar. Tell people your story. They will buy you drinks and you'll have fun if you make it enticing. I spent five dollars last night, got like six drinks and a free pizza.


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## Roosterruler (Nov 2, 2013)

junglegreencleeds said:


> If that doesn't work hit up a bar. Tell people your story. They will buy you drinks and you'll have fun if you make it enticing.


Agreed!

I've chosen to just travel alone since I started when I was 18 (unless a year in Switzerland ages 16/17 count...). I did three months with a guy - mistake. Started to get too attached to another human which was worse than settling.

To counter loneliness I...

- Do a lot of writing.

- Couchsurf.

But only Couchsurf in you're in a healthy mental state. They don't need an emotional wreck. But if you can hold you're own, it's great to have an anchor at each stop. Someone to talk about the day with. It gives me an instant "friend" for a few days and then I can move on.

- The moment I sense the loneliness kicking in (isn't really too frequent), I make sure I get away from being alone and go find someone to be with. Nursing homes are great. They always have old folks you can visit if you're down with that. Community websites are a good resource. If all else fails, I just have to start walking and usually some opportunity walks into my life.

- Drag around a camera. [For me] documenting an experience is almost as good as sharing it with another human (this took about 7 years of conditioning and doesn't have a 100% success rate).

- Not be on Facebook.

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Someday I might be tempted to travel with someone else (maybe sooner than later) but, for now, I find the benefits of traveling alone to outweigh the occasional burden of loneliness.


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## MFB (Nov 3, 2013)

“I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.” 
-Thoreau

Every man should be made to spend some chunk of time out in the back country by himself. I feel after that, finding sanity in the real world is an easier task.

But anyhow...I almost always travel by myself, just my preference; but whenever I'm feeling blue, hungering for a proper meal, longing for the sweet smell of a pretty lady I ask myself "where would I rather be and what would I rather be doing?" Certainly not working to pay rent, certainly not at a shitty chain resteraunt waiting on processed pre-fabbed crap, certainly not in a comfy bed setting an alarm clock for another day of monotony. 

My answer is 'there is nowhere I would rather be'; despite the distress or loneliness I occasionally feel. Those feelings are real, and honest, and makes life feel alive and human rather than manufactured and scripted. and when I do get that meal, or I do get that girl, or I do lay down in that warm comfy bed; it is earned and therefore enjoyed far more than one could enjoy it when it is givin to them.


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## Road Dogg (Nov 6, 2013)

I think that having someone in your life can be great and trying to be alone all the time just says you're insecure and can trust people honestly I have my road girl now I have my wife back we got back together and I am now no longer alone so please stop posting replies to my comments please and thank you unless you enjoytalking to yourself


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## Roosterruler (Nov 6, 2013)

Road Dogg said:


> ...and trying to be alone all the time just says you're insecure...


That's a bit of a huge assumption. I'd be more likely to swing it the other way, if anything - saying people that always need someone with them are the insecure ones (which I know isn't true).

I've met a fine lot of people who travel alone and they seemed exceptionally confident. They knew that you could put them in any situation and that they could manage themselves just fine.
They knew they could find company when and where they wanted it.

Then again -- you did say "trying to be alone all the time" which might just be alluding to hermits...

I know you said "please stop posting replies to my comments" all polite - but boards tend to encourage conversation. Don't know I've seen someone write their opinion (controversial at that) and then ask folks _not_ to reply...



junglegreencleeds said:


> ... hard since most women want to settle down....



Really?

_Edit: Accurate. I agree. Most women do want to settle down. Same goes with most men I've encountered._


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## briancray (Nov 6, 2013)

Roosterruler said:


> That's a bit of a huge assumption. I'd be more likely to swing it the other way, if anything - saying people that always need someone with them are the insecure ones (which I know isn't true).
> 
> I've met a fine lot of people who travel alone and they seemed exceptionally confident. They knew that you could put them in any situation and that they could manage themselves just fine.
> They knew they could find company when and where they wanted it.
> ...



A lot of people want to settle down in general. I'm just basing my statement off the majority of women "I know" wanting the house, white picket fence and a family. The uncreative, boring typical lifestyle most ppl live. Each person is different. We could look at it on a more scientific level, but I'd rather not get into that because everyone is different.

As for what Road Dogg said I say congrats for getting back together, but I would strongly disagree. Depending on someone else is a sign of insecurity. True happiness can be found without human relation. Overcoming fear of loneliness would be a sign of security. If it didn't work the first time usually doesn't anytime after that unless you fix what made it broken in the first place.


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## Roosterruler (Nov 7, 2013)

junglegreencleeds said:


> A lot of people want to settle down in general. I'm just basing my statement off the majority of women "I know" wanting the house, white picket fence and a family. The uncreative, boring typical lifestyle most ppl live. Each person is different. We could look at it on a more scientific level, but I'd rather not get into that because everyone is different.
> 
> As for what Road Dogg said I say congrats for getting back together, but I would strongly disagree. Depending on someone else is a sign of insecurity. True happiness can be found without human relation. Overcoming fear of loneliness would be a sign of security. If it didn't work the first time usually doesn't anytime after that unless you fix what made it broken in the first place.



I was just about to come back edit my post to say that, yes, most women do want to settle. And most men seem to as well. 
So we're on the same page for that.

I also some people living crazy creative lives behind the bars of their picket fenced home. With the security of a roof, I see them creating beautiful wonders and who also fuel the world on love. They're the kind of folks that have taken me in as I've wandered around and I'm grateful to them for it. They're the moms that pick me up off the side of the road in the highlands of Scotland and invite me to stay in their garden shed as they feed me and show me around. They're the Microsoft employees who make sure my thermos is always full of tea.

This wasn't to counter what you said. As you acknowledged, everyone is different.



junglegreencleeds said:


> Overcoming fear of loneliness would be a sign of security.



With this I agree. I've always been cautious to know that I learned that I could live/make it on my own without clinging to another human for security or depend on them for constant positive affirmation and value. Oi. Did that sentence make sense?

Since I was pretty short (junior high short), I chose to go through life solo as to not limit myself. I wanted to learn to operate without relying on someone else exclusively in a partnership.

Once, I experimented with a partnership (2.5 months). The lessons learned from that aren't worth the emotional disturbance and wasted time spent mentally processing through it all.

I do disagree with this sentence though:



junglegreencleeds said:


> True happiness can be found without human relation.



I've never, ever met anyone who can do this (achieve true happiness without having any humans around to relate to). Even Thoreau tottered back to society after preaching about solitude. I do find a value in solitude and find it beneficial and a healthy place to roll around in. However, it's not at all sustainable in a longer time frame.

At some point, after a few weeks/months/whatnot, you need other humans. We need other humans. 

Most folks I know of who can last for a long time without human contact generally have some sort of chemical imbalance in their brain or some sort of mental illness to accompany it. I'm not saying there are not exceptions -- but few that I've witnessed or heard of. If you take anyone you knew and cut off their human contact, they wouldn't last long 'cept for sake of survival. I doubt few would find happiness in that situation.

Most folks who go out into the woods on their own have a purpose to keep them occupied, but most of them always come back in the end.

Sorry if I didn't clearly articulate my thoughts...


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## briancray (Nov 7, 2013)

Roosterruler said:


> I was just about to come back edit my post to say that, yes, most women do want to settle. And most men seem to as well.
> So we're on the same page for that.
> 
> I also some people living crazy creative lives behind the bars of their picket fenced home. With the security of a roof, I see them creating beautiful wonders and who also fuel the world on love. They're the kind of folks that have taken me in as I've wandered around and I'm grateful to them for it. They're the moms that pick me up off the side of the road in the highlands of Scotland and invite me to stay in their garden shed as they feed me and show me around. They're the Microsoft employees who make sure my thermos is always full of tea.
> ...



I agree with you there have been a few kind souls who have taken me in as well. I just don't see the point in paying a mortgage off your whole life so you get to an old age where you can retire, barely move and maybe go on some cruises and drink martinis before you roll over in your grave.

As for only 2.5 months you may need to experiment a little longer. I've been in a few relationships for about a year, but yeah I agree. Love comes and goes. People are naturally attracted to more than one person. At least I am anyway. Sure I still keep in touch with women I cared about in my life, but I got over the whole attachment, loneliness fear that held me back from a lot of experiences.

As for human relation I never finished the word. I meant relationships. I'm more content with just meeting people and moving on especially if ending on a good note. There's always new people and new days ahead. If they are really cool and fun to be around then I'll continue to hang with them, but for the most part my happiness over the last several months is from traveling. Human contact is definitely necessary, but only to maintain sanity. I just meant needing to physically "be" with someone doesn't define true happiness.

I see so many friends latch on to relationships just because they don't want to be single or just because of pussy. I think that's fucked up. Be a man...end it...find a chick at the bar and have a one night stand or casually date someone. 

I believe in temporary love. Where you experience moments in your life where "man this is an awesome feeling I don't want it to end" and for those moments, a few months, years, etc. You shared great times with someone and then it didn't work out. Most likely selfishness, but I've learned to follow what I want to do regardless of someone else in my life. Friends, girlfriends, family, etc. 

This turned into a whole different rant haha. But I'll end it there. I think we're both on the same page for the most part. I just meant you can find love through things other than people. Though if I learned enough survival skills I would like to test my mental capacity to see how I'd do in the wild without human contact, but that's just me.


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## Road Dogg (Nov 7, 2013)

I'm his wife and I don't want to settle down I want to hit the road I haven't been anywhere but la because I've had a very secluded lifestyle and this may be his account but this is also my phone and he said I could be his account now i would appreciate if you stop harassing him.


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## briancray (Nov 7, 2013)

Road Dogg said:


> I'm his wife and I don't want to settle down I want to hit the road I haven't been anywhere but la because I've had a very secluded lifestyle and this may be his account but this is also my phone and he said I could be his account now i would appreciate if you stop harassing him.



If you can't handle a response then don't post the thread, which isn't meant for just him but everyone on the board who experiences road emotions. This is America and I'm free to do what I want. I'm not harrassing him just stating an opinion. The fact is it's insecurity.

Good luck to both of you, but this is the internet and my opinion shouldn't affect either of your choices. Hit the road with him you won't regret it.


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## Matt Derrick (Nov 7, 2013)

personally i don't think anyone is harassing him at this point. but i'm going to close this thread anyways since i'm tired of hearing about it.


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