# what to do when all your plans go to shit?



## Matt Derrick (Aug 22, 2014)

okay, so as some of you know, i've been making plans for the past several months to go to a computer programming school in portland. my plan was to attend these classes until the end of the year, then work for most of 2015 saving up money for everything i needed for the stp youtube project i've been working on. the plan also had the added benefit of giving me a broader skill set to use so that i could work for myself as a freelance programmer, thus being able to further finance my future travels.

well, all that came crashing down the other day when i got an email from the school saying they were increasing the cost of the deposit by $500 (from $1,000 to $1,500) and switching from doing their own financing (payment plans) to having a financial loan company do it for them. meaning that this big loan company was going to have to put me through a credit check that there was no way in hell i was going to pass, due to my terrible credit.

now keep in mind i got this email _thirteen days_ before classes start. the phrase complete and utter bullshit doesn't really seem to do it justice. i've had several meetings with them, attending some pre-classes, and every step of the way (over the past FOUR MONTHS) I'd been told that I'd be able to make payments to them (not a loan company), and reassured that they'd work with me and that the prices weren't going to change, but in the end they changed pretty much everything they told me right before classes begin. who the fuck does that?

So, no school, cause I can't afford it.

The sad thing is, this is the _second _programming school that pulled this kinda shit on me this year. The first was when I applied to Code Fellows in Seattle, who (long story short) pretty much completely misrepresented how much previous coding experience you needed to apply, but didn't tell me that of course until i'd been waiting around for 3 months for them to get back to me on my application.

So, this has all been happening with the background of me being stuck at my parent's house at the age of 35, which is pretty fucking sad. I came out here in October of 2013, and with the exception of a brief jaunt to Austin for 2-3 months (and working with what turned out to be wingnut christians) I've been stuck here in the middle of nowhere with no friends, and sitting on my ass for almost a year now just getting fatter and sicker (i have gout and when i don't exercise/eat well it gets really bad and my parents are the farthest thing from vegitarian) and more depressed.

All I wanna do in life is travel, but I really don't want to be a fucking bum anymore. I don't want to be 40 and still living under bridges. Fuck that, that's insane, and I'm way too smart for that shit. And that's why I've been trying to find some kind of career that I can use to finance my traveling, which makes it just that much more frustrating that it hasn't worked out so far, and I kinda feel like I've wasted the past year of my life.

All I want is to be exploring some place cool and interesting, have a travel blog of some kind, and do the goddamn youtube travel show i've been thinking about for the past 6 fucking years now. the problem is that i don't ever have enough money to do any of this (money for cameras, needed film equipment), so i end up floating around in circles wasting years of my life not getting any closer to any of my goals, and keep chasing this impossible dream i have (that isn't really all that expensive, maybe 5k? i just have terrible luck with jobs over the past few years).

So here I am again, floundering and wondering what the hell to do. It would be so easy if I wanted to settle down somewhere, but I don't. Although I'm almost bored to tears of the USA, I don't really know how to get the money to afford to get out of here, and move on with my life. 

Sorry if i haven't replied to some of your messages, I've just been bummed out over this school thing and trying to figure out what the fuck to do with my life now that the next year and half's worth of plans have been dashed away.


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## Cree (Aug 22, 2014)

bummer, keep the faith Matt, things got a way of coming around


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## Tude (Aug 22, 2014)

sorry matt that really sucks. FYI - my college pulls that last minute junk on our students too - cancel classes that have less than 15 students in them - which also screws with their financial aid as they may not have the full 12 credit load to be considered full time. Sucky way of doing business.


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## DesertRat (Aug 22, 2014)

Matt-

It doesn't mean you aren't meant to do what you wish, you just aren't meant to attend _that particular school at this time_.

Check other options? Maybe WWU has the courses/openings/aid you can get into? Don't forget the option of "distance learning".

Only you can stop you. There is a way to accomplish what you want to do; you just have to look for it, and when you think you've looked everywhere, look again. 

Stay stubborn.


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## Dameon (Aug 22, 2014)

Learn programming on your own, then build up a portfolio by doing free work and stuff for fun. Freelancers don't need no stinkin degree. There are lots of indie companies and even some larger companies that will hire freelance programmers regardless of degree.


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## Kate Westcoast (Aug 22, 2014)

good luck my friend, don't forget the universe provides.


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## Rhudey (Aug 22, 2014)

Hack 'em and that re in roll yourself! on serious note though, that shit really sucks I know what its like to go through some dream/ambition shattering experiences. Its tough hopefully you find a way around it or way into a different school that'll be better for you


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## Anagor (Aug 23, 2014)

Dameon said:


> Learn programming on your own, then build up a portfolio by doing free work and stuff for fun. Freelancers don't need no stinkin degree. There are lots of indie companies and even some larger companies that will hire freelance programmers regardless of degree.


That's perfectly true.
In the past I programmed in about 7 different programming languages on different platform (now I do PHP and Java mostly). I attended university, but I didn't learn to program there. I taught it myself. Now it's even easier, since we have that thing called internet. As I began, you had to buy magazines or (sometimes quite expensive) books.


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## drewski (Aug 23, 2014)

Sorry to hear about your situation, Matt. I would try to just focus on appreciating what you have instead of dwelling on what you don't. I'm sure as a man it bothers you to be back living with your parents at your age, but at least you have parents that love you and will take you in no matter how old you are. A lot of people don't have that and do have to go sleep under a bridge, you know? And why can't you exercise? It's still summer and you could be walking, biking, or skateboarding around in the meantime while things piece together. You may not be able to eat healthy if they're not willing to buy you better food, but exercise will kind of balance that out. I'm not sure if the Gout thing is preventing you but I would say do it if it's not too painful. Shit will eventually work out in some way, even if it's not exactly what you wanted. Blah blah blah, you already know dude. Hang in there.


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## Matt Derrick (Aug 24, 2014)

Dameon said:


> Learn programming on your own, then build up a portfolio by doing free work and stuff for fun. Freelancers don't need no stinkin degree. There are lots of indie companies and even some larger companies that will hire freelance programmers regardless of degree.





Anagor said:


> That's perfectly true.
> In the past I programmed in about 7 different programming languages on different platform (now I do PHP and Java mostly). I attended university, but I didn't learn to program there. I taught it myself. Now it's even easier, since we have that thing called internet. As I began, you had to buy magazines or (sometimes quite expensive) books.



that is very true. i guess part of the reason i've been so bummed out is cause i'd been planning this for so long (several months) and just had everything worked out the way i wanted into something i thought would work well. i was kinda looking forward to the class environment just because i'm a very un-disciplined individual, but yes, you're right, i _could _learn it on my own. it would be harder, but i _can _do it, i just need to be more disciplined about it.



drewski said:


> Sorry to hear about your situation, Matt. I would try to just focus on appreciating what you have instead of dwelling on what you don't. I'm sure as a man it bothers you to be back living with your parents at your age, but at least you have parents that love you and will take you in no matter how old you are.



you are correct in that i'm very lucky to have the parents i do, and yes, i'm always welcome back home which is extremely helpful. i definitely try not to take them for granted.



drewski said:


> And why can't you exercise? It's still summer and you could be walking, biking, or skateboarding around in the meantime while things piece together. You may not be able to eat healthy if they're not willing to buy you better food, but exercise will kind of balance that out. I'm not sure if the Gout thing is preventing you but I would say do it if it's not too painful. Shit will eventually work out in some way, even if it's not exactly what you wanted. Blah blah blah, you already know dude. Hang in there.



part of it is that i get de-motivated quite easily here. my parents live way out in the sticks, and it's hard to motivate myself to bike/run the same gravel road every day, when there's nothing to really see around here or people to visit. in comparison, when i was living in austin, i was always biking a minimum of 10-15 miles a day, either going to/from work/home or visiting friends. it's just such an isolating environment here that it makes it difficult for me to work up the motivation to do anything. my parents love it, but i can't stand it. as for the food thing, my mom is pretty good, but my dad is horrible. he pretty much refuses to eat any kind of vegetable, and my family has never, ever emphasized exercise or healthy living ever, so it's kinda hard to go against the flow when they're the one's feeding you everyday. it's hard to explain, and probably sounds like there's a lot of excuses in this paragraph (which there probably is) but it's hard to relay what it's like without being here.

i mean, i love them, they're my family, they just have some bad habits. and i'm just trying to fight off a lifetime of bad habits, which is easier to do when i'm not around them.

so anyways, i guess i'm over the 'devastation' phase and just trying to figure out what to do now. honestly, i'm pretty confused about whether i should start a stp blog or not. it might sound silly, but one of the things i really want to do is be a travel blogger of sorts, but i'm constantly fighting an internal battle as to whether i should start a blog on stp (i.e. squattheplanet.com/blog), or do something new (wanderpunk.org).

part of me wants to do it on stp, since there's already a built-in audience here, but i don't know if anyone would ever read it (since it's not on the front of the site, and 99% of the activity here is in the forums). also, i'm really _really _un-interested in train hopping. it seems like that's what a LOT of people come here for, and i get kinda frustrated sometimes since i've been kinda trying to shake off the assumption that stp is a "train hopping" site, since there's a LOT more going on here that just that. although that is certainly where stp's roots lie, i've hopped ONE train since 2008. frankly i'm pretty bored of the whole culture since i did it for nearly 8 years.

so doing it as a different/new website appeals to me since it kinda frees me from all the assumptions people make about stp, and i could write about whatever i want, do whatever i want, etc, maybe put advertising on it if i wanted (since it would be a for-profit project to fund my travels), pretty much the sky is the limit.

on a side note, i feel like a lot of people who are new to this whole culture think that train hopping is the end all/be all of this lifestyle and don't really realize that there's so much more to it. i really want to raise the bar in terms of what can be done with little to nothing (in terms of resources/money) in travel, and i feel like a lot of 'travel punks' or punks (whether you just look like one or just think like one, i use the term punks broadly) in general tend to box themselves in with this kind of thinking, that basically the easiest way is the ONLY way to do something (i.e. the only way to be free is to train hop because it's easy). when in reality you can do so much more, in such a more epic way, if you just try a little harder and invest some time/money/labor into doing something truly grand. this is how we get epic punk-history-changing projects like hold fast, the miss rockaway armada, farmageddon, wasteland weekend, autonomous mutant festival, hitch hiking races, anarcho farms/communities, etc.

i know i'm getting way off topic from the point of this thread, but i just wanted to point that stuff out since i think about it a LOT. pretty much every day. and all the stuff i just mentioned is what motivates me to work so hard trying to make epic ideas like that happen. and a lot of it requires money. money for camera equipment and some computer stuff mostly. so that's what i've been working so hard towards, but i've been floundering really hard for about the past two years now trying to achieve those goals.

so, back to the subject of this thread. i guess that's why i take it so hard sometimes when my plans don't quite work out. everything i've done over the past 5-6 years has basically been an effort to make these crazy life-changing travel dreams happen that i can document and inspire others to do the same, but i seem to keep hitting a wall and never getting the money i need to get the materials i need to make what i want to do happen.

that's why i was going to school, because i figured if i invested a year of my life off the road, i could make enough money to finally do the youtube channel travel show i've always wanted to do, so i finally did the opposite of what i usually do (wandering) to sit down somewhere in an effort to make my dreams happen. so when it didn't work out with this school, after i'd tried fairly hard to make it happen, it was pretty disappointing. and it's not like i'm trying to raise a bajillion dollars or anything, i mean, max, 5k would be plenty. but it's like a guy trying to get off the streets and make something of himself, i just can't seem to catch a break and get a job that will finally get me the money i need to make all these ideas i have happen.

sorry so rambly, but it's hard to explain all this stuff that's jumbled up in my head through the internet for others to understand. i guess these are just a few of my frustrations and things i'm trying to work through right now.


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## Dameon (Aug 25, 2014)

Discipline is a big part of programming anyway, so it's something you'll have to develop no matter what if you want to be a programmer.
Treat setbacks as opportunities. Maybe school isn't the way to get what you want. Maybe a traditional job isn't the way to get what you need. Maybe where you are isn't where you need to be.


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## ausbos (Aug 25, 2014)

Matt you're an inspiration, and the problem you're facing is completely relatable. Solidarity brother, from a shitty currently housed up 21 year old poet


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## briancray (Aug 26, 2014)

I spent a lot of money on a degree I thought I'd like to do. Lost my job after just signing a lease, felt pretty much hopeless for a good portion of that time. Always wanted to get out and travel. Found this site, read all the stories of fellow travelers and finally got the push to change my lifestyle. A year has gone by and my life couldn't be better. Yeah I don't get to shower much or eat fancy foods. I live off a lot of PBJ, sleep outside from time to time, but at the end of the day I'm smart enough that I'll figure it out. Everything happens for a reason whether you want to believe it or not. Better it happened beforehand than them take your money and change the loans over during the program. You just weren't meant to go to that school. You'll figure it out Matt. You're smart and know what you want to do for a career. A lot of people never figure that out. Shit I know I haven't...I'm content with odd random jobs atm. I know that'll change one day, but at least you have a plan and are trying to execute it.

Keep your head up. It'll pan out in the end and you'll look back and have a laugh at it. Setbacks and bad times make the proud moments of life feel even better.


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## spectacular (Aug 26, 2014)

whatever way you've been going about achieving your goals isn't working out. perhaps a new strategy is needed and that requires meditation and letting go of your current methodology. blank slate. i wouldn't count on thinking that what will you build will be what you're currently thinking of building. definitely sounds like it's time to move away from the parents however you need to do that


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## Anagor (Aug 26, 2014)

Matt Derrick said:


> that is very true. i guess part of the reason i've been so bummed out is cause i'd been planning this for so long (several months) and just had everything worked out the way i wanted into something i thought would work well. i was kinda looking forward to the class environment just because i'm a very un-disciplined individual, but yes, you're right, i _could _learn it on my own. it would be harder, but i _can _do it, i just need to be more disciplined about it.



Maybe it would be harder, maybe not. I always found it better to learn on my own, study source code, read books, blogs and documentation and so on. About what interests me at the moment. To do what I like to do and not what the curriculum says. 
Maybe that's one part why I finally dropped out of university after many years without degree. I won't say I didn't learn useful things there. I knew how to program in different languages before I went to uni, but there were interesting courses about software architecture, design patterns, requirements engineering, testing and measurement, to name a few. But maybe 50% or more of the stuff (or more) I had to do there was base theoretical stuff. Maybe more here (Informatik => Information Mathematics) than in the US (Computer Science).
I remember we discussed some really complex things in class and I asked the tutor for what that is needed. And he was like "Hmm, well, ... under certain circumstances ... hmmm you may need it to ... hmmm ... prove the correctness of a program. But in reality ... hmm ... it's almost never used." 
That's not my thing. I like practical application and not theoretical paperwork.  I kind of know how SQL databases work under the hood, but I found it mildly interesting. On the other hand, I know people with deep knowledge in that field who don't have a clue how to prevent SQL injections in real life applications. 

You can do it on your own. I did it, and if I'm not un-disciplined, who is?


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## Matt Derrick (Aug 26, 2014)

so, surprisingly, this turned out pretty well.

long story short, i got an email from one of the head guys of the school, and it seems like they realized their mistake, and offered to make things right with me. this included giving me the class at last year's price, and figuring out a payment plan with them that didn't require a credit check and what not.

they're also offering the same to everyone else in the class this year. so i guess my previous plans are back on. it sucks i had this crazy rollercoaster ride of the past few days, but i really feel like this is going to pan out.

thanks for the support everyone, it definitely helped (even before today).


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## iamwhatiam (Aug 26, 2014)

so happy to hear that! bet it's a big weight off your shoulders  good luck!


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## Dmac (Aug 27, 2014)

i was going to say, maybe it is time for the bicycle trip you had been talking about. but i am glad that things have worked out for the best! keep the bike handy, you know for weekend trips and just plane fucking around. ride down to the tracks drink and smoke a few and get ready for classes! best of luck to you Matt.


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## Anagor (Aug 27, 2014)




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## EphemeralStick (Aug 28, 2014)

Hooray for plans being back on! I'm happy for ya man. Never lose hope when it comes to getting what ya want in life. You have a LOT of talent and a good head on your shoulders which is rare in this day and age. Also you have one helluva support system with this website. Glad everything worked out for ya now go and kick some metaphorical ass.


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## Matt Derrick (Aug 28, 2014)

thanks everyone, i really appreciate the support


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## DoctorApocalypse (Aug 28, 2014)

I'm glad you're doin better man and that things are back on track for ya.


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## Silicon Buddha (Sep 4, 2014)

Matt Derrick said:


> Sorry if i haven't replied to some of your messages, I've just been bummed out over this school thing and trying to figure out what the fuck to do with my life now that the next year and half's worth of plans have been dashed away.



Well shit, I'll be your friend. I just live directly S. of Portland. There are a few metal shows I go to Portland for and bars every once in a while. Hit me up if you're interested.

Edit: I guess it worked out for you.


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## autumn (Sep 11, 2014)

I was really feeling for you reading through this thread. I feel much better hearing that things are working out. I'm happy for you and I really hope you get what you want out of this school. As for your "impossible" to accomplish dreams, don't delude yourself. Actually, someone who lives at the collective just bought a school bus and is renovating it. He's been saving for six years and in the time I've know him I've never seen him happier. You've always come across as a genuine, resourceful, skilled and thoughtful person with a sharp intellect. You're a quick learner and an incisive observer. I'm sure you'll make it happen.

Wishing you the best


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## Deleted member 2626 (Mar 12, 2015)

hey just saw this now, but good thread. I am perpetually confused at all times. always have been, I was twisted on thoughts and who to be for that day when I was real young and into fads no one else ever would be at that age. but, now I still deal with this but not as I did at a young age. I know for sure I will never again do the 9-5 for years or ever more than a month, maybe. I have good friends and family who I can stay with when not traveling or staying in my car or camping out. So, I guess thats one reason my plans fail and I end up longing, because I have people who care. I've been staying with my mood imbalanced motha for about 3 or 4 weeks now, working part time jobs to catch a little dough and head west again in a few weeks. All I can say is I convince myself being lost and having plans that fail or dont take off, is better than an office all day with no plans for future trips or ventures and knowing exactly what will go on every fuckin' day till the Great Here After.


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## Deleted member 8978 (Feb 8, 2016)

On a personal note, I been sitting at my computer for a long time and never thought about adventure in general. This is because I stay on top of my college classes - which I take online at Liberty. But lately, I have sharpened my skills in freelance web design, audio, and video production. I don't get too depressed about sitting at home, but I can get aggravated. The only thing I can tell you, Matt, is to never give in and never stop fighting for what you believe in. I'll be praying for your wisdom and strength.


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