# The day I became a sitophiliac



## pigpen

ok so i'm not really into sitophilia, or the form of sexual fetishism in which participants are aroused by erotic situations involving food, but i do have a pretty good story about a recent sexual advent i embarked on.

alright, so i was watching an episode of the show weeds online the other day and one of the main characters is a teenage boy who is just starting to masturbate. so when a plumber had to be called in to unclog the jizz-socks from the pipes, it was decided that the boys uncle would talk to him about proper masturbatory practice and hopefully clear up this sticky situation.

so anyway, when they sat down together one of the methods that was brought up was taking a banana, pealing it and then placing the peal over your scepter of love and using that as a source of lubricant and a suitable place to blow your load.

what can i say, i was intrigued. over a decade of servicing myself and i had never thought of this? i was ashamed. so needless to say when i was looking for a snack the other day, when i came upon the bananas (haha), i knew what had to be done. i'll cut out all the gross details, although if you've made it this far already...,anyway, it was amazing. thats the only way i can put it. it was almost like i was making love to a woman. or at least a human orifice. 

so if you've made it this far, chances are you are as morally bankrupt as myself. so i don't know why i'm even bothering asking, but is it wrong what i did to that banana?

am i assured an eternal fate in the seventh layer of hell?

what if i told you i threw the peel in my families compost afterwards?


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## Gudj

haha.
There is a special place in hell when bananas are eternally fucking YOU!


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## pigpen

i'm extremely ambivalent about if i feel ok doing it again or not.

like i'm all about trying new things and sexual exploration, but i don't know how i feel about making a habit out of fruit-fucking.


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## Gudj

Why would you feel weird about it? I assume you are eating the banana part and not letting it go to waste. 
In which case who cares?


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## pigpen

of course i ate the banana before moving on to penetration, foreplay?

i dont know why, i wouldn't look down upon anyone else for doing this but i don't want it to turn into some weird, compulsive, only-able-to-cum-while-fucking-a-fruit sort of thing.


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## Puckett

apple pie?


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## JungleBoots

I remember that episode

later in the series the mom has to ask about why all of the sudden her son is eating so many bananas.

anyway... im wondering... is it so hard to consider just... ingesting your own ejaculate? i mean its rather protein rich... i can understand if you have issues with the texture of food... but i mean come on... but really thats what i call self sufficiency.


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## Puckett

JungleBoots said:


> I remember that episode
> 
> later in the series the mom has to ask about why all of the sudden her son is eating so many bananas.
> 
> anyway... im wondering... is it so hard to consider just... ingesting your own ejaculate? i mean its rather protein rich... i can understand if you have issues with the texture of food... but i mean come on... but really thats what i call self sufficiency.



and rich in vitamins.


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## JungleBoots

puckett said:


> and rich in vitamins.


who says no to free food ?


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## Puckett

i never said i didnt like free food i think everyone does. but if it dont taste good chances are im not going to eat it and i dont much like the taste of jiz.


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## JungleBoots

Puckett said:


> i never said i didnt like free food i think everyone does. but if it dont taste good chances are im not going to eat it and i dont much like the taste of jiz.



eat more bananas... it'll taste better.


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## Puckett

why would i have to eat the bananas? he would if im... oh never mind this is so off topic. who cares if a guy fucks a banana peal as long as he eats the banana first. wast not want not right?


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## JungleBoots

Puckett said:


> why would i have to eat the bananas? he would if im... oh never mind this is so off topic. who cares if a guy fucks a banana peal as long as he eats the banana first. wast not want not right?



thats what im saying... to spill your seed is a mortal sin...

waste not want not!


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## Puckett

JungleBoots said:


> thats what im saying... to spill your seed is a mortal sin...
> 
> waste not want not!


 
it is better to come in a belly of a whore than to wast it, thats what i hear the bible says anyway


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## MiztressWinter

This is the best shit I've read in awhile. I lol'd...and also commended your *waste nothing* life style. Why just eat the banana and throw away the peel? At least you made good use of it eh?  

Hey man..I have heard people doing much weirder things masturbating. So, whatever gets you off ya know? I mean..I'd much rather hear about someone fucking a banana peel than a goat right? LOL 

Also, Banana's fucking you in hell was quite the mental image


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## pigpen

JungleBoots said:


> I remember that episode
> 
> later in the series the mom has to ask about why all of the sudden her son is eating so many bananas.
> 
> anyway... im wondering... is it so hard to consider just... ingesting your own ejaculate? i mean its rather protein rich... i can understand if you have issues with the texture of food... but i mean come on... but really thats what i call self sufficiency.


 
yeah, i've tasted a miniscule amount of my own semen before..."awww, c'mon just swallow it, how bad can it really taste?"...sorry to everyone who gave me oral before that solemn day...i have seen the error in my ways...let the blow-jobs re-commence....


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## Mouse

have you tried warming the peel in the microwave or oven? lol. maybe add a lil granola for texture...


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## pigpen

Mouse said:


> have you tried warming the peel in the microwave or oven? lol. maybe add a lil granola for texture...


 
I don't even like heating my food in the microwave, i'm not putting my dick in something that was just heated using radio waves.

on a side note, damn this thread is makin me hungry...and slightly aroused...


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## Alaska

I'm gonna have to do that sometime.


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## happyearthhomes

I was able abstain from masturbation while i was in county but my celly was the master bater nd i unfortunately glimpsed him bangin an orange that he softened an warmed nd he claimed it was the shit i never tried it but always wondered


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## pigpen

when in was in county i heard of this thing called a "suzie". they'd take two latex gloves, fill them with warm water, then use a towel wrapped around them to hold them together. apparently add lotion and you've got yourself a suzie. never tried it though.


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