# end of relationship and feeling crazy?



## coldsteelrail (Mar 7, 2010)

Maintaining friendships and relationships (especially) when there's a geographical distance involved shouldn't be difficult, but sometimes peoples dirty issues come up, and the distance can make it difficult to make things work again. If you've just been dumped by a friend or lover, and are feeling really out of character, hurt, or lost, i am offering my personal experience to help others avoid an even more awful situation down the road. If anyone has a problem with this post, let me know.

so, i'm a total douchebag who wouldn't stop disrespecting someone who has only been polite and loving towards me. i emailed and called them obsessively and to excess, after they told me they couldn't be my friend anymore, and not to harass them. I pleaded and begged for communication, when i fully deserved the silent treatment i was getting. I don't know what i was thinking. 
i advise all of you to walk away with your pride and your dignity when you know you're feeling weak, and an important friendship has ended. Lick your wounds and get on with your life, and love yourself. You are your only resource. Don't rely on any one else. 
i lost perspective and didn't care that i was behaving as psychotically as i was. I figured if we were friends before, we could rekindle our bond. I was delusional, because this person gave me half a year to get my head together and i just kept falling back on my insecurity, instead of growing. 
IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU. walk away, and love yourself. If someone can't see your beauty, or accept your love, you cannot convince them otherwise, and you do not need to weaken yourself trying to fit their standards. It's their loss if they don't want to know you, and it's their decision, not yours. 
What i did is considered obsessive, stalking behaviour and there is no excuse for that abuse, no matter how much you think you love someone, or how sure you are that it's all a misunderstanding. I scared someone i only wanted to communicate with. Turned love to hate, hurt myself, and have forever marred my reputation and self respect. I'm a beautiful person, as we all are, but if i can't see my own beauty, i'm not going to act beautiful. 
LOVE YOURSELF and BE STRONG AND GOOD to yourself and your environment. 
We all know the pain of being rejected does pass with time and TLC.


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## xbocax (Mar 7, 2010)

coldsteelrail said:


> Maintaining friendships and relationships (especially) when there's a geographical distance involved shouldn't be difficult, but sometimes peoples dirty issues come up, and the distance can make it difficult to make things work again. If you've just been dumped by a friend or lover, and are feeling really out of character, hurt, or lost, i am offering my personal experience to help others avoid an even more awful situation down the road. If anyone has a problem with this post, let me know.
> 
> so, i'm a total douchebag who wouldn't stop disrespecting someone who has only been polite and loving towards me. i emailed and called them obsessively and to excess, after they told me they couldn't be my friend anymore, and not to harass them. I pleaded and begged for communication, when i fully deserved the silent treatment i was getting. I don't know what i was thinking.
> i advise all of you to walk away with your pride and your dignity when you know you're feeling weak, and an important friendship has ended. Lick your wounds and get on with your life, and love yourself. You are your only resource. Don't rely on any one else.
> ...



Have to totally agree and i would like to add something as well. It may be a total rephrasing of something already stated but here it goes. If you fucked up(and you know when you fucked up), don't try to justify it out loud when you know inside you were wrong. If you and the person were really that close you knew what was going to set them off and you did. To have them keep forgiving and coming back to you is not only them being disrespectful to themselves but not allowing you to grow as a person. If you and someone else do not share the same ideals especially in the sexual aspect of the relationship DO NOT expect that your monogamous/poly-amorous or whatever ways is the right way. If in the middle of a relationship you and your partner start to see that you differ on opinions stand up, fully talk them out, and the discrepancy should never go past words. To act upon something you know your partner will not agree on is completely self righteous and you should have just ended it and accepted that you two just think different ways instead of doing what you want to do then expecting them to deal with it afterward. To conclude i guess Its hard to find someone that is everything you ever dreamed of and vice versa if you even think you need someone at all. But you should not be with someone with the intention that your way of thinking is superior to theirs or that your actions are justifiable so your going to do them no matter what and still expect a relationship at the end of it. Do what you want but don't jerk someones emotions around in the process.


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## coldsteelrail (Mar 10, 2010)

i called and emailed my friend again. It is so hard to understand that it's over, and that somebody i love hates me so much.
I have to let go. What makes it difficult to stop contacting this person, is in my mind, although i am doing the opposite of what would make them happy, they are still my friend. It feels natural for me to want to talk to my friend.
Heeding my own advice is hard. I know the best thing to do if i really love this person, is to leave them be. We don't want to hurt, or stress out people we love. Why am i doing this to someone i love, and to myself?


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## Ravie (Mar 10, 2010)

it seems your taking this to seriously. you have your health, your mind, and whatevers left of your self respect. She probably would have started talking to you again if you werent so extreme with your stalking. that makes you look creepy and needy. The ideal reaction you should have is "well she doesnt want to talk to me anymore. that sucks. maybe i shouldnt be such a creeper and should stop posting on here hopeing she'll read it and think that ive changed, when in reality i should be working on myself and leaving her alone. if she wants to one day forgive and talk to me thats awesome. if not, i'll live and learn from it."

yup. repeat that over and over til you get it.


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## Diagaro (Nov 7, 2010)

This is really profound coldsteelrail and resonates paralel to my own recient inner torment, I am happy to say that I too walked away not out of cowardace like my family accuses me of but in search of the true me, the me that I love and to as she at one point said 'let lying dogs lie' 
But yea when its over its over, it sux - REALLY FUCKING SUX! when its that intense but you need to pick and choose your battles wisely and don't give up hope . . . or something. train of thought derailed. not re-reading


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## coolguyeagle76' (Nov 7, 2010)

Ravie said:


> it seems your taking this to seriously. you have your health, your mind, and whatevers left of your self respect. She probably would have started talking to you again if you werent so extreme with your stalking. that makes you look creepy and needy. The ideal reaction you should have is "well she doesnt want to talk to me anymore. that sucks. maybe i shouldnt be such a creeper and should stop posting on here hopeing she'll read it and think that ive changed, when in reality i should be working on myself and leaving her alone. if she wants to one day forgive and talk to me thats awesome. if not, i'll live and learn from it."
> 
> yup. repeat that over and over til you get it.


 
ravie im sure coldsteel can do without your criticism, its obvious that he/she has had enough self criticism to go around, this kind of thing is not easy to cope with and once youre in this mind set it can be selfperpetuating wether you like it or not, and trust me you will hate yourself for a while. i cant tell you when things are gonna get better, youre instinct will be to go around showing people that youre really not crazy or shitty over the whole thing, trying to be strong for others which will only lead to them judging you harder or you can be strong for yourself and draw power from the knowledge that even if youre feeling pain or confusion or just lost youre still feeling more than a majority of the people that go around calling themselves normal. either way its going to be a long road back to "normal" yourself, remember that it takes more strength to endure the pain of heartbreak then it does to never try to love. goodluck.


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## astreet09 (Dec 24, 2010)

I thought that was a little harsh too. I'm kind in a way less drastic, but similar situation. My partner lives in cycles. We've broken up twice because he stopped feeling whatever it is that makes you want to date someone besides love for them. The 'spark.' That bullshit.

Anyway, we still hang out. Every day. He is still my best friend, and I'm his. It works out.

But I won't say that I don't have a hard time not restraining myself from jumping his bones if we're just watching tv or something. He says the same. You fall into habits when you're around somebody that long. And even though sometimes it *IS* best to just cut your losses, the dynamic of every friendship and relationship you have is different, unless you're weird and have a really specific 'type' or something that you exclusively hang out with.

THAT SAID.
You need to respect their space. Obviously she asked you not to contact her for a reason, and she meant it. Its my understanding that she hasn't contacted you back after all the times you've called her. You're beating a dead horse here. But you know that, and you know what you need to do/stop doing.


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