# Yo crazy peeps! Do the meds help?



## Durp (Jun 17, 2015)

I am constantly doing battle with my own mind. I'm sure some of you all deal with similar. Not diagnosed yet because I refuse to talk to doctors but it is clear to all around aswell as myself something is a miss. I am terified I will end up using opiates to cope, wich is bad. Just curious if any of you folks who have excepted "help" think about mental meds. I just want to be happy and live my life without always running away to hide from my self. Life is pretty much perfect for me right now, yet I can't help but battle the urge to break down in tears all the time. I have always carried a heavy heart and dreaded being alive, and fought through it. It is getting harder. I don't want to be like this anymore. I just wish I could be happy, especially since I have nothing to be sad about.  sorry for the bitching, I'm just on the edge and need to vent. Fuck this brain of mine.


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## briancray (Jun 17, 2015)

I feel the same everyday man. Just afraid the meds will change me and I'll end up like everyone else. I'm able to deal with it to some extent, but like you, some days I have constant sadness for no reason despite living a fantastic life. Maybe it's because I spend a great deal of my time alone. It's something I've always fought though. I always pull myself out of it, but I'm sure the meds would help. Do what you think you need to do man. If it helps that's all that matters. Good luck.


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## Kim Chee (Jun 17, 2015)

I'm a good punching bag. Look at my negs


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## Kim Chee (Jun 17, 2015)

Do the meds help? Yes! At tmes, you know those times when the meds are appropriate to the individual/condition. Your life is perfect yet you want to cry?

Oh, vent here, this is good!

And if you want to discuss whatever, I'm available.

Also...for anybody else (you!) I'm here if you have so e spilling to do, it is ok.


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## MolotovMocktail (Jun 18, 2015)

I don't normally talk about this openly, but I think it's relevant so I'm going to share my thoughts and experiences.

I'm on a few meds for depression and anxiety right now. I wish I didn't have to take them but I've accepted the fact that there's a chemical imbalance in my brain and that meds can help. I've tried going off my meds a few times and it's always turned out poorly. I was tapering off them while I was traveling in Asia and I think that the added difficulty of feeling more depressed might have contributed to me cutting the trip short after only two months.

I think the trick is finding the right meds. It took me a long time to find the right mix of meds. I've heard people shit-talk psych meds because they think they'll turn you into a brain-dead zombie but that's not what they're for. My meds don't make me happy, they make me _stable_. Taking them allows me to function at a basic human level and focus on getting better in other ways. I don't solely rely on meds to make me feel better-- I still have to stay busy and be social and get exercise and eat and sleep enough and do all the other things that are good for me.

So yeah. I don't love being on meds but they do help me. Your mileage may vary but it might be worth a try.


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## Durp (Jun 18, 2015)

Thanks for all the input guys. The roller coaster of emotions I cycle thru is exhausting and I have finally admitted to myself it isn't the entire worlds fault, but it is me. I have always been terrified of doctors because I was afraid they would tell me I'm crazy and it would go into some secret file or some such bullshit. I'm at the point in my life where I worked very hard to form my ideal world around me thinking that was the answer. Now that I have it, I want to tear it all to peices in a fit of rage for no reason. I just want to learn how I can enjoy the human experience instead of just being a sad sack. Stability sounds like heaven to me honestly. I've seen most of the states over the last fistful of years, and no matter how beautiful and perfect life becomes I just run away from myself, blazing all the bridges behind me.


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## Odin (Jun 18, 2015)

I can't speak to meds.

As I am very much like you in that respect that I don't talk to or really go to doctors.

I can relate to how you feel though. It's no coincidence that I drink like a fish and morbid thoughts go through my mind some nights.
Existential angst and the feeling of nothing ever going right has me spinning some days.
You say your life is "almost perfect" right now... most folks would think that is reason to be happy and not have those kinda feelings.
My life is not perfect... never has been. Lotta dissapointments here. (relationships, family, lack of motivation to achive higher goals... the last perhaps a result of the first too... oh and did I mention I make excuses... hahar... )

Here is an idea... sorry I'm not as structured in my writing... but here it is.

Maybe these negative feeling should not be seen as a failure of you appreciating everything that is good right now in your life. 

If your life is going well but you feel like... "what the heck what is wrong why do I feel like this" then you could try have to look at your whole life and consider all the built up baggage. Be happy about your good fortune but understand your life as a whole and don't put yourself into that space, saying "there's something wrong with me" Everyone has skeletons and furbies in they're closets. That's life...

I mean in my situation I'm not happy... but I sure as hell have less problems than a lot of folks out there... (other than being a super lush whose liver may one day pack its bags and go on strike... (need pot bad instead... though I am strangely proud of my intoxicating prowess...) and needing to move on sooner or later so I can find somewhere I feel I belong. :F)

But yea. I know with me a huge part of my meloncholia as I like to think of it is not necessarily the present situation but my past and baggage I have not let go.

Specifically... to give you an example. Two things will be with me till I die. My immediate family that is structured in a crazy uber religious/parents divorced/dad a flake and mom coo coo for cocoa puffs... (thats mean... sigh lol but damit I can't talk to the woman) "rolls eyes" and how that affected me from a young kid with depression... and second women... I gots problems with dem... There is always a girl after all... ... at least thats my case and a good reason for me to seek the untamed sea.

aaaahhhhh.... I wrote this part below here before I wrote that part above there...(told you I'm not structured... I'll add more below now...)


All I can say is that I choose to "put up with it".
I have not really had "male" rolemodles in my life. I certainly have not taken example from my lame ass father.
I had to do things on my own.
SO that is the mentality I am stuck with it seems.
So I can at least relate to you not going to doctors or seeking use of meds.
I really can't see myself on them either.

I understand pharma meds do help people and used corectly with proper supervison may be the answer. But I feel I have to be old school about shit.
As a matter of fact. The only thing I can relate to fixing my sense of well being and place on earth is to try search for happiness.

You say your life is near perfect. If that is so I truely commiserate with you. If things are going well and you still have these hopeless feelings, that is gonna be a huge challenge.

Maybe instead of medications just someone to talk to on a regular basis would help? If not friend or family then perhaps a therapist of some sort? I dunno how to run that as it sounds expensive unless you can get somekinda insurance to cover it.

I know I would't mind having a weekly session to unload some "feelings" with a sexy therapist... oh yea... lol (I'm fucking horrible I know...) I wonder if the red light district in amsterdam gives a discount for just "cuddles and chat". ::shy::

I don't know if anything I said makes much sense or if I even should be GIVEING advice but I hope the best for you.
And if all you need is to hear someone else relate to things or talk to then STP is here for you... As you can see there are folks aplenty willing to talk or listen.

Oh one more thought though... can't seem to put this in a sucinct way. But I have often thought and found. I am happy and don't dwell on things when I have my mindset back to those earlier days when I was a happier kid.

YOu know think of times when you were excited about life and exploration. I mean there is that saying "young at heart" and perhaps thats the secret to living a happy life.

I know the world is full of paranoid news broadcasts... folks do bad shit and hurt each other... and just someday it all seems like a big pile of doo doo.

But fuck it. Who cares. Fuck it right on. Remember being a kid and riding your bmx doing tricks on that set of chrome pegs you just bought. (i had a shitty bike spray painted gray...(did it myself) with red pegs. I used to take that fucker right down the church stairs and handycap ramp. LOLlolLO )

ahh... see that made me feel better.

And if all else fails. I'll leave you with Jack.

::eyepatch::








ALso:... excuse my inordinate use of humor for this serious subject. I respect this is difficult for you... it's just ::meh:: it's what I do... not so much in person but deff here. "Shrugs"


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## janktoaster (Jun 18, 2015)

I've been on all kind of depression meds and truly the only one that I felt did ANY amount of good, albeit quite small, was prozac


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## Andrea Van Scoyoc (Jun 18, 2015)

My life is an open book and I feel no shame, nor do I care if anyone knows my business...like I said, don't care what people know about me.

Just don't care...never have.

Anyway, so here's a my take on meds.

My parents wouldn't recognize mental problems and family line is filled with psychiatric issues, so I grew up suffering, terribly.

I can't get along with people, I have anger issues and feelings of persecution. 

I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 40" s. By then, I had a litany of failed jobs, relationships and friendships.

The only reason my husband and I are still together is because he's as fucked up as I am and has mental problems of his own.

Anyway, I was diagnosed with a personality disorder, general anxiety and depression.

Had I not lost my job and had to go through Voc Rehab to try and find employment, I would still be undiagnosed.

I'm on 60 mg of Prozac a day and it's a life saver.

I still have bad days, (menopause doesn't help) but I don't ever want to be without it, ever again.

I swear by it.

Best of luck.


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## kaichulita (Jun 18, 2015)

I was prescribed meds a couple of times before but never ended up taking them because I was afraid to. Now, I still feel that weird depression, but it has evolved so to speak... Or matured? I have accepted that my brain is imbalanced, but I try to be conscious of it and control my thoughts as best as I can. I don't know you well enough to say you would be better without them, but if you can help it, I would avoid meds all together. I know way too many people that have been fucked over by taking different kinds of drugs to help alleviate their mental problems. Their mental state usually ends up worsening. Granted, there are some people that do well on them, but I would suggest trying to look at your lifestyle and situation BEFORE choosing to take meds. Try exercising daily and eating healthy... Maybe there is something you want to do that your situation is not letting you fulfill... Whatever you're going through, I'm open to talking with you and I'm sure a lot of other people on StP are willing to help.


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## sandpaper cowboy (Jun 19, 2015)

Deleted


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## Deleted member 2626 (Jun 19, 2015)

Damn mannnn me too I've been feeling like I could use em. But I self medicate and I'm confident it doesn't help, even in moderation. So with moderation I drink daily. All a bummer the whole.big shit storm of life. I've got a dog to live for though and things I enjoy. I though no matter foggy or just down right distraught always some how hear my.little.voice say you'll get past this. I do enjoy life to much too for suicide, and my mutt. Even my worst days I don't really reason it. Though always an option. We can fix ourselves just a matter of taking great effort and remembering what great things can come from nothing and chance.


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## Deleted member 2626 (Jun 19, 2015)

Sadness is real good for a creative outlet. The blues are how I feel but it makes better "art" I believe. Most of all, what most of our lifestyle would consider, great writers and artists and poets and musicians were depressed. I've come to grips too that it will never go away. Think of how bad shit could really be when you feel sorry for yourself because that's all it is. I am in there too


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## lone wolf (Jun 20, 2015)

JimH, i've struggled with depression my whole life. i don't want to go into too much detail, lets just say my mother took me to a psychologist in the late 70's. after a few sessions i flat out refused to go. so lucky for me this was before doc's starting pushing drugs or i probably would have been on an anti-depressant on the first visit.

fast forward 30+ years and my health really started to fail. doing my own research online i found out most if not all of my problems were caused by my diet.

since this discovery i reduced my sugar intake to almost zero. also i try to eat organic. if you can't get organic then the main gmo crops you want to avoid are corn, potato, cotton and soybean.

i'm telling you your whole world will change if you change your diet. avoid all sugar (especially high fructose corn syrup) and all BT crops. the main 3 i listed above. the first few days coming off of sugar you won't feel well. give it a week and you will never view food the same.


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## Durp (Jun 21, 2015)

Thanks for all the support folks. I like many of you had quite a rough ride for a while, now that I have survived it and pulled myself up by my boot straps, have begun to fill in memory of many events that have been blacked out. It's weird, I do great in high stress totally fucked situations, then when I manage to achieve a nice level of normality and comfort, a platoon of skeletons come marching in to haunt me. Do any of you folks have similar occurrence or am I alone on this? I don't know what I would do with out this network. I have met some truly fantastic folks thru stp. You guys keep me going and never let me throw in the towel. Thank you all for your kindness and accepting my erratic soul.


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## Deleted member 2626 (Jun 21, 2015)

I get ya. I can be the same way. I feel happy as shit waking up in the woods to rain but meet a girl and want to be alone. Now that's a trip. Like wanting good female companionship, getting it, wanting out because I'm so used to just me and the mutt, then missing her. Kind of along the lines of what your saying I think. Just grasp there will be no normality.


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