# RANT



## RinRose (Feb 21, 2015)

Sorry for the rant. It's just getting bad again. I feel like the only thing to fix it is to leave. My original plan was to wait till March but i honestly dont think i can make it. Im having slight suicidal thoughts waiting around in this meaningless boring life. I know that vagabonding is no peaches and cream but honestly i dont fucking care . I fear being bored in this society more than being in danger in the wild. Since I was a child i knew i was not meant to live a boring life. Does anyone else have friends that know you have had mental issues for years but yet never ask how you are doing? Why does nobody ask or talk about these things? 

I swear to god if someone tells me to stay , see a therapist, or get some meds im going to loose it. Ive done that already and none of it worked because i was still living the same life. The one that so many of us feel we should be living . Go to school get a degree ( something that makes money of course) get a job that you hate, get married to someone you'll eventually hate, have kids that will eventually hate you, buy a house next to other houses and fill it with shit you dont need. I do not want this life. 

I want work to be enjoyable, i want a meaningful love that last, i want to be a good role model for kids, and i want a small home surrounded by nature with just the few things we need. I want to be like the sun that brings brightness and warmth to others.


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## creature (Feb 21, 2015)

it's funny..

you sound absolutely, perfectly & wonderfully sane..

i'm writing to a friend right now, & mentioning the point that cities seem to have their origin in fear..

if that's true, it's a bit telling, no/

anyways.. yer gonna be fine.. 

it seems to me that you need people as well as adventure, & if that's true, then maybe your initial objective should be finding a place that you can somewhat base yourself from.. if you find a good spot, though, you may find what you *really* need, if that's a matter of people whom are like yourself, understand your ethics & have a dynamic that helps you fulfill your own..

that being said - assuming the assumption is correct ; ) .. the process of finding friends & people you can live with usually takes a while.. if you've never been in a semi-communal environment, don't get discouraged if your first tries are either misses or complete fuck-ups..
don't blow off the concept of peacefull coexistence as an unobtainable goal or having its origin in some personal imperfection..

i don't know if anyone has suggested woofing to you, but it's a good way to meet people, to travel, to learn, to be creative & even, occasionally, earn a tiny bit of $$.. you would def make some connections, & might find yerself surronded by yer own, on occasion..

anyways, just some thoughts..

but you *will* be ok..


: )


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## Psylock1045 (Feb 22, 2015)

I feel exactly the same way. I've lived in the suburbs around Baltimore, Maryland my entire life. I've done the 9-5 life, or at least tried to. I can't stick with it. The monotony gets so irritating that I end up sabotaging my future with *insert random company here* and get fired. 

I ultimately decided around August that I wanted to move out of MD, and in October I realized I wanted to travel. And I've spent the time since, learning what I can, acquiring gear I need, etc. And now I'm leaving in just about a month. Perhaps we will see each other on the road and exchange stories about the bullshit of typical human life. ^_^


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## Deleted member 20 (Feb 22, 2015)

Psylock1045 said:


> I've lived in the suburbs around Baltimore, Maryland my entire life.



You poor bastard, lol Viva la Revolution! Welcome to the site.


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## CelticWanderer (Feb 22, 2015)

I feel the same way. I probably would have offed my self if I wans't leaving next month. thaat fact has been the only thing getting me through the year.


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## kaichulita (Feb 22, 2015)

Dude honestly, I felt the same way before I started traveling about a little over a month ago. I had planned to leave this May, but I was feeling so depressed and anxious so I just said "fuck it" and left. What are you waiting for? Go out and be happy! Sitting around waiting to live the life you want is like waiting to be happy.


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## Deleted member 2626 (Feb 22, 2015)

Yeahhhhh movement and busy-ness are "sanity' keepers. But insanity is over used and a short cut to further thinking. Theres good and bad insanity. Good insanity beats sanity and living like a damn tree anyday. Hit the road be safe and have fun. Take care of that dog, no back stabbing or drama with these wise critters they have things to teach and know more than any stupid human


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## Rob Nothing (Feb 22, 2015)

agreed, re woofing.. there is also attra interning, which doesn't require a fee. only that you stay a certain period of time (usually 3-6 months) and will pay you. so far my experiences with attra have been very good.

I felt and had the same thoughts. the life I see people living did not look worth the while - it looked pathetic, sub par, dreary, regressive. and still does. I figured at 22 years I would rather die flying, taking risks, dedicating myself entire to spitting into the unkown, to let my life serve as the litmus test the proof of what is possible and what is not possible. what feels right and what never will.

the last three years have been phenomenal. there are amazing people out there that have opened up my mind and my heart too. I just had to push the horizon back a few paces and there they were. trust and hold yourself and your instincts above everyone and everything, and keep pushing. the world will emboss. part subside and divide before you, gutted like a fish.

I've had the same experiences with old friends. I left them, and changed my definition of friendship. my friends are all the people that ever kept the conversation interesting, old and young, dead or gone. I might not see them again but they will be imprinted in my path, ahead and behind, always.


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## Matt Derrick (Feb 22, 2015)

just curious what your situation is and what's holding you back? also, is traveling just a temporary relief from the things you're feeling?


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## RinRose (Feb 22, 2015)

CelticWanderer said:


> I feel the same way. I probably would have offed my self if I wans't leaving next month. thaat fact has been the only thing getting me through the year.



Thats exactly me right now. Its at the point where staying makes me fear for my life. Hang in there , youll be happy and warm soon. and If you ever need to chat lm here.


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## CelticWanderer (Feb 22, 2015)

RinRose said:


> Thats exactly me right now. Its at the point where staying makes me fear for my life. Hang in there , youll be happy and warm soon. and If you ever need to chat lm here.


i dunno about warm lol. I'm hiking the AT in 3 weeks. (o.o jesus its so close.) Definitely happy though. You hang in there too. Your time will be there before you know it. and i'll be keeping your name in my back pocket in case i really do need someone to chat with. The anonymity of a stranger is a powerful thing.


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## wanderwhy (Feb 22, 2015)

I know exactly how you feel. The only thing keeping me here right now is my stupid job and my work on my master's thesis project (which happens to also be about vandwellers/full time travellers). I'm also trying to find the right van right now. I can't (or won't) leave until the end of the semester in May. just feel like...whats the point any of this? building my CV? Its so pathetic to me. Grad school has been a 2 year nightmare. The 2 months I spent on the road last summer was the most amazing experience, but it was also very difficult at times. I was broke and hungry a lot. I fucked up a few times...I got lost... I was constantly dirty. I guess that's where the excitement comes from, though, not knowing what you're going to do that day. It's still difficult, it just a different kind of difficult. I prefer it to feeling trapped in my own home worrying about what the fuck I'm doing with my life every single day. My advice would be don't get wrapped up in hard drugs or shady people that are addicts. I feel like so many kids leave feeling the same way you do and then get scooped up in this shitty drug culture that makes travel dangerous or impossible. There are great, kind people out there for you to meet, just be careful of those that can't help themselves or are looking to take advantage of a young woman.


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## RinRose (Feb 22, 2015)

Matt Derrick said:


> just curious what your situation is and what's holding you back? also, is traveling just a temporary relief from the things you're feeling?





Matt Derrick said:


> just curious what your situation is and what's holding you back? also, is traveling just a temporary relief from the things you're feeling?



Well my plan was to meet up with the Vagabond adminstrator of reddit with a road dog he found me in march. So i ordered my pack,tent,sleeping bag a few days ago and wont get here till first week of march. Thats mostly whats holding me back but then just knowing how freaked and worried my friends and family will be for just up and leaving.

What do you mean by that exactly?


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## Deleted member 2626 (Feb 22, 2015)

Yeah my sisters in college and debt, gonna live at home after school and hasnt traveled nearly as much as my broke and typically penniless ass has. She always tries to talk money to me like i careif she has more, i always remind her i will always be more wealthy. Think think. Fuck that college shit. Nothing you did behind a desk matters when your dead. I just really cant see college and the money it costs to really learn whatyou can alone on your own time. Yeah i get the credits and careers and stuff but if no career no worries


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## RinRose (Feb 23, 2015)

kaichulita said:


> Dude honestly, I felt the same way before I started traveling about a little over a month ago. I had planned to leave this May, but I was feeling so depressed and anxious so I just said "fuck it" and left. What are you waiting for? Go out and be happy! Sitting around waiting to live the life you want is like waiting to be happy.



Ha right now im waiting for my gear from amazon  Nice to know im not the only one struggling hope you are much happier now dearie


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## RinRose (Feb 23, 2015)

wanderwhy said:


> I know exactly how you feel. The only thing keeping me here right now is my stupid job and my work on my master's thesis project (which happens to also be about vandwellers/full time travellers). I'm also trying to find the right van right now. I can't (or won't) leave until the end of the semester in May. just feel like...whats the point any of this? building my CV? Its so pathetic to me. Grad school has been a 2 year nightmare. The 2 months I spent on the road last summer was the most amazing experience, but it was also very difficult at times. I was broke and hungry a lot. I fucked up a few times...I got lost... I was constantly dirty. I guess that's where the excitement comes from, though, not knowing what you're going to do that day. It's still difficult, it just a different kind of difficult. I prefer it to feeling trapped in my own home worrying about what the fuck I'm doing with my life every single day. My advice would be don't get wrapped up in hard drugs or shady people that are addicts. I feel like so many kids leave feeling the same way you do and then get scooped up in this shitty drug culture that makes travel dangerous or impossible. There are great, kind people out there for you to meet, just be careful of those that can't help themselves or are looking to take advantage of a young woman.



Woa chicka yea you sounds just like me. Im constantly thinking whats the fucking point in any of this? I dropped out of college i just was too depressed and un motivated to do it. Youve worked hard though so i agree finish the semester and then travel. Unless of course your mental health gets as bad then i say drop it and take care of yourself. Ya luckily i have never been into drugs, i dont even enjoy smoking and drinking that much. I get to a certain level where im more chill but i can still make good decisions. Running into those types defininatley is a fear of mine but i have a rather strong confidence in my self defense. I found you on tumblr btw i made a new one for my travels so you can keep up with me  i think we would get along greatly so when you had out contact me i would love to meet up with you!


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## kokomojoe (Feb 23, 2015)

I remember seeing some graffiti written on a boxcar that said, "it's better than sitting around and waiting to die." That pretty much explains how I feel about traveling. Definitely want to be on the road again and feel like I'm wasting time trying to make family and other people happy by living some conventional lifestyle that I know isn't for me. Really wish I just never came back home to be honest.


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## RinRose (Feb 23, 2015)

Tatanka said:


> Yeah my sisters in college and debt, gonna live at home after school and hasnt traveled nearly as much as my broke and typically penniless ass has. She always tries to talk money to me like i careif she has more, i always remind her i will always be more wealthy. Think think. Fuck that college shit. Nothing you did behind a desk matters when your dead. I just really cant see college and the money it costs to really learn whatyou can alone on your own time. Yeah i get the credits and careers and stuff but if no career no worries



haha yes i love it! none of this shit will matter when we die ! well at least not to me i want to be able to say i was adventerous and brave and met so many great people and made so many memories. You ever feel like your not making memories? like the life ive been living the past 3 years i cant imagine looking back and thinking "oh ya good times" . anyways thanks man i totally agree. stay cool and wealthy


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## RinRose (Feb 23, 2015)

severin said:


> agreed, re woofing.. there is also attra interning, which doesn't require a fee. only that you stay a certain period of time (usually 3-6 months) and will pay you. so far my experiences with attra have been very good.
> 
> I felt and had the same thoughts. the life I see people living did not look worth the while - it looked pathetic, sub par, dreary, regressive. and still does. I figured at 22 years I would rather die flying, taking risks, dedicating myself entire to spitting into the unkown, to let my life serve as the litmus test the proof of what is possible and what is not possible. what feels right and what never will.
> 
> ...




havent heard anything about attra but i will be sure to look it up. I looked into WWOF im just ha such a cheapskate i cant rember the last time i bought shit that wasnt from the goodwill ..so i was not into 40$ fee . However im sure its way worth it. Depending on how this goes i may look into it . i really want to get to new zealand one day so that might be a good idea.

Wow thanks so much , i mean its just really helpful to know im not the only one struggling mentally and then the fact that your much happier now. Its just really inspiring so thank you for the response its very appriciate it. Im really looking forward to meeting other like yourself who are more like me than my current friends.


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## RinRose (Feb 23, 2015)

CelticWanderer said:


> i dunno about warm lol. I'm hiking the AT in 3 weeks. (o.o jesus its so close.) Definitely happy though. You hang in there too. Your time will be there before you know it. and i'll be keeping your name in my back pocket in case i really do need someone to chat with. The anonymity of a stranger is a powerful thing.



oh haha well try to stay warm then  i leave in about 4 i think. Awe thanks same here ! Ive created a tumblr specifically for my adventures so if im near you let me know


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## CelticWanderer (Feb 24, 2015)

RinRose said:


> oh haha well try to stay warm then  i leave in about 4 i think. Awe thanks same here ! Ive created a tumblr specifically for my adventures so if im near you let me know


will do.


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## Kal (Feb 24, 2015)

I know what you mean sister I feel the same way when I stay in one place to long. I feel bored, then pissed, and then ready to go jump off of a bridge or something. When I hit the road and I'm on the move all is right with the world again.


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## RinRose (Feb 24, 2015)

Kal said:


> I know what you mean sister I feel the same way when I stay in one place to long. I feel bored, then pissed, and then ready to go jump off of a bridge or something. When I hit the road and I'm on the move all is right with the world again.



yep that is so me. as soon as i got home from asheville i started to eat my boredom and imagine driving my car of the bridge on the way to work.


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## kaichulita (Feb 26, 2015)

RinRose said:


> Ha right now im waiting for my gear from amazon  Nice to know im not the only one struggling hope you are much happier now dearie


Hang in there girl! I can't wait to see you on the road


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