# Heartbreak and trying to overcome



## Deleted member 18141 (May 1, 2017)

I put a lot of heart and soul into my art work. I spend a lot of time meditating on things that hurt me to the core of my being so that I can make something to comfort others that hurt as much. I've dated lots of people who look at my work and can't read into what i'm trying to communicate. I'm not an overtly sexual person and am rather shy and reserved and very nervous when it comes to intimacy. People leave after a while because there's no immediate gratification or reason for them to stay. I watch them date other artists who are more sexual and watch them swoon over their artwork and support them whole heartedly. This particular night I cried so hard about it I almost threw up. At the end of the day the very least I have to stop me from crying is that I know I'm always true to who I am. I've almost given up on painting because it didn't make guys I liked have feelings for me. For a long time I painted to make people love me. I tried to be the best painter so everyone would love me. I still make art to make people love me in a sense, but for now I think I'm starting to make it because it's cathartic for me and makes me feel good. This painting I made when I was in a sad place and I made it for me and I wanted to share it for that reason. Here's to accepting I can't always make people love me. And here's to learning that rejection doesn't have to be the end of my being/self esteem. Here's to accepting that intimacy is a long journey but that I'll get there one day. Here's to everyone here for listening <3


----------



## Matt Derrick (May 2, 2017)

well, like you said, once you start doing it for yourself instead of trying to please others you're in a much better place mentally and emotionally


----------



## Brother X (May 2, 2017)

As you transition to doing your art more and more for yourself and the need to express and less and less for others and your need (or desire) for them to approve (love) your art will only get better. Not that it's bad now but think how great it will be when you're 110% doing it from a pure place of YOU. Keep up the great work. I know the path of the artist can be a long and lonely road, sometimes. Other times it's a clown car full of laughs. ::wacky::


----------



## swellard (May 2, 2017)

i've been checking out your art recently (you're really good at what you do) and as an artist myself i have to say... art is an incredibly personal and subjective thing, art means something different for most people and that's great, that's what makes art such a fantastic thing. so, when you say you make art to please other people, even though your intentions are good, when you're making art for other people in a sense you aren't being entirely true to yourself. by the sound of it, art is your outlet, and people don't understand it the way you want them to. i think the thing is an underlying desire for companionship or a fear of loneliness, and if you let these things affect the direction of your art then perhaps your art won't reflect the things you want it to at all.

what I mean is, if you alter your creative direction to please other people then you won't really be expressing your emotions, as one does with art.

i'm not trying to be a shrink or anything, and i hope i don't sound like it, because I completely understand what you're saying, and i've been there. but don't put on a facade, man, it's not good for you.

hope that makes sense.
keep making art, you're fantastic at it B^)


----------



## swellard (May 2, 2017)

also
it's good you're starting to make your art more personal (for you and not for others), i'm sure art is important to you and so i think in due time you'll figure out your artistic direction and you won't have to stress over this stuff anymore


----------



## Deleted member 18141 (May 2, 2017)

Brother X said:


> As you transition to doing your art more and more for yourself and the need to express and less and less for others and your need (or desire) for them to approve (love) your art will only get better. Not that it's bad now but think how great it will be when you're 110% doing it from a pure place of YOU. Keep up the great work. I know the path of the artist can be a long and lonely road, sometimes. Other times it's a clown car full of laughs. ::wacky::


ahhh thank you for the kind words <3 really put a smile on my face :---)


----------



## Deleted member 18141 (May 2, 2017)

Matt Derrick said:


> well, like you said, once you start doing it for yourself instead of trying to please others you're in a much better place mentally and emotionally


agreed :--) and it's getting better! having this community to express myself to is helping tons as well.


----------



## Deleted member 18141 (May 2, 2017)

swellard said:


> i've been checking out your art recently (you're really good at what you do) and as an artist myself i have to say... art is an incredibly personal and subjective thing, art means something different for most people and that's great, that's what makes art such a fantastic thing. so, when you say you make art to please other people, even though your intentions are good, when you're making art for other people in a sense you aren't being entirely true to yourself. by the sound of it, art is your outlet, and people don't understand it the way you want them to. i think the thing is an underlying desire for companionship or a fear of loneliness, and if you let these things affect the direction of your art then perhaps your art won't reflect the things you want it to at all.
> 
> what I mean is, if you alter your creative direction to please other people then you won't really be expressing your emotions, as one does with art.
> 
> ...


thank you so so much!! Reading this really helped me articulate for myself what I'm experiencing. I think the anxiety/facade is starting to fall which is a relief and I'm really glad I have everyone here to talk to about it~~*


----------



## Brother X (May 3, 2017)

Erinn Oface said:


> ahhh thank you for the kind words <3 really put a smile on my face :---)



At the end of the day, the only advice is:* You, do you. *


----------

