# [Happy] [Dreaded] Birthday



## roughdraft (Jun 27, 2019)

With a special person's birthday coming up shortly, I have begun to reflect on this issue I have not only experienced myself but known from others' talk on their own feelings.

When someone sometimes expresses a desire to have never been born, when someone suffers from some degree of a chronic depression or may be somewhat erratic or emotionally unpredictable, how do we react to their birthday? 

Sometimes it's nice to tell "happy birthday" or to do some sort of great gesture to try to make the day special. Sometimes it can cause unwarranted pain and/or drama. Some people don't want to acknowledge it, some people just want to forget. It's great to not make it so awkward, but this is not always something we can accomplish.

I know some people will think I'm overthinking this or it's ridiculous, silly. I don't believe this thread should be for that. I'd like this thread to be for stories and insights on this subject from sensitive people.


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## Eng JR Lupo RV323 (Jun 27, 2019)

My feelings on this are probably different than most people but I definitely fall into the sensitive people part.

My brother and I shared the same birthday, May 9th. Every year we'd celebrate together when we were young. As we grew up and started to form families of our own we weren't able to get together every single year, but still sometimes we would. If we weren't celebrating together I knew I could always count on him to call. Or I'd be calling him, either way we were spending some time catching up and whatnot.

He was murdered December 28th 2008. Every year since this happened our birthday just hasn't felt the same. I don't celebrate it, it's just a day that comes and goes every year. Sometimes people try to celebrate it and get me involved but honestly I'm just waiting for the day to pass, it doesn't mean much to me. To celebrate my own birth or existence seems a little weird anyway, like a bit too self-important. But oddly I'll celebrate the fuck outta someone else's bday. 

Definitely not looking for any "sorry to hear about your brother, that's terrible" type of responses, it's been over a decade, it's really ok now. I do pretty good most any days aside from May 9th. I've been trying really hard to be a little more festive when it comes around, I think this last year I even went to my brothers house and drank a couple beers. It'll always be a shitter of a day though, I'll just perfect my act and fake it better each year that passes. 

Even before all this happened, I was never much for my Bday. Like please do not ever sing that fucking song to me. I don't even like cake, we don't need candles let's just avoid that entire weird shit all together. My parents fucked about 9 months before this super random day and I popped out of my mom's vagina. Is this really a cause for celebration? I didn't even have a say in any of it.


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## SaltyCrew (Jun 27, 2019)

My opinion on the subject is if you care about someone, and they are aware of this, most likely you acknowledge your care/gratefulness they exist on a regular basis anyway. If in the position to do so, make it aware you want to spend time with them on that particular day, ask them what they would like to do. Maybe offer to treat them to something you know they enjoy. They will understand you are being respectful of their opinion on the subject. This will always differ person to person, using your own discretion is your best bet, as you should know how the person will react to what. 

I for one am one of those people that doesn't much care for my birthday to be acknowledged by most people. I have my reasons, but mostly I don't like all the cliches of what most people think birthdays are all about. However there are a select couple of people that I do appreciate it being acknowledged from, and they are aware of how I feel about it. I spent my last birthday at the Lizard Tree Library in Slabs, and allowed it to be known it was my birthday. It was the best birthday I've ever had, thank you library crew!


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## croc (Jun 27, 2019)

When u don't know how someone feels about something, ask em. It couldn't hurt. 

As someone with mental health issues n wanting to die issues, my birthday now means a good deal to me bc... Well I'm still alive n get to experience so much shit n don't think there's any afterlife so now is the only chance I've got. Not that I do much for em anymore but texts n calls from loved ones mean a lot.


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## WyldLyfe (Jun 29, 2019)

Ah, use to not want people to celebrate my birthday because just didn't like being centre of attention.

But if someone didn't want you to celebrate there birthday I just wouldn't, the thing is sometimes with people, people say a lot with body language or just the way they say things, or in other ways they may hint stuff, so words alone are not always the full picture. You can still just ask them hey do you want to do something for your birthday though, and if you feel like you've picked up on anything else via body language ect.. you can also ask them about that too.


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## Deleted member 23509 (Jun 29, 2019)

Birthday too...


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## BradKajukenbo (Jun 30, 2019)

I turned 43 this year. I had to be reminded that it was my birthday. Even then to me its just another day. I don't want shit. A birthday wish is good enough. My kids give me gifts which is ok. It sucks for myself when I forget for a moment how old I am and have to do the math. 

Getting old happens and you can't stop it. I've accepted that. I'm just gonna go with it. Still a bit hard for me to tune into the classic rock station when I want to hear music I grew up listening to. Welcome to the Jungle. Master of Puppets. 🕔


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## Deleted member 125 (Jun 30, 2019)

My own birthday has a pretty great history of being a shit day that I've tried (and for the most part succeed) to spend by myself. My best friend died a day shy of 2 weeks after I turned 30 on friday the fucking 13th of all days. Just this last year my fiance lost their best friend a day after my birthday. And the year before that iirc I believe I drank until I couldn't feel much of anything and felt sorry for myself. That's about as far back as I'd like to dig for birthday memories. For some people I understand it's a nice reason to celebrate or get a cake or card and all that's great, but it's just not my thing. I dunno though congrats to everyone who's made it another year I guess.


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## roughdraft (Jun 30, 2019)

for me, growing up everyone in my family´s birthday was just an excuse for violence and drama, so this was a mindfuck for me, always wondering why something that was supposed to be the best day was worse than most days in an already shit situation

21st was probably the worst, was totally disillusioned and just following the rhetoric of american life, bought a bunch of expensive alcohol and the people i wanted to drink with in the middle of the afternoon blew me off when i came over, were somehow ´friends´ but didnt give a fuck about my 21st when suddenly other things were going on, so i drank myself fast and passed out before sunset. in the city i lived at the time there was a badass band coming to town for the first time, and i even had a ticket in advance, was so excited for the coincidence but couldnt meet it in reality, and had to hear from other, perhaps more real friends, so confused why i didnt show up and party with them and this band, of course everyone was out with them all night after the show

since then just depressing

basically birthdays are useless to me, forced celebration, i dont like it, but im open to letting it change

anyway here we all are on the frontier of life and there are certainly more important things, but i appreciate everyone saying their piece on this


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## BradKajukenbo (Jun 30, 2019)

roughdraft said:


> for me, growing up everyone in my family´s birthday was just an excuse for violence and drama, so this was a mindfuck for me, always wondering why something that was supposed to be the best day was worse than most days in an already shit situation



Yesterday was my Grand daughters first birthday party. For the past week my son had to put on facebook that if anyone of our family thinks they are going to show up and fight, not to bother coming. Ended up 8 people came lol. 

I avoid family gatherings as much as I can.


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## roughdraft (Jun 30, 2019)

BradKajukenbo said:


> Yesterday was my Grand daughters first birthday party. For the past week my son had to put on facebook that if anyone of our family thinks they are going to show up and fight, not to bother coming. Ended up 8 people came lol.
> 
> I avoid family gatherings as much as I can.



based on that you raised yr son well

communication is the cornerstone of good relationships 

he was right to nip it in the bud


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## Spazz (Jul 4, 2019)

Forty-three isn't old. Most people were born in 1957. Most people are also named "Mary", because so many of the "Tom"s and "David"s have already shuffled off this mortal coil.

I'm actually just a baby babyboomer, but when my 72 year old friend put all these simple facts in those particular words, it not only amused me, but it gave me perspective about the phenomena of the post-WWII baby boom and how it affects us all.

It also gave me perspective about being "weird" or "different". Just because I was born later than 1957 doesn't mean it is wrong or bad to be young. I actually enjoy being young.

btw, I gave birth to my final child two weeks before my own 43rd birthday. At home. Unassisted. He turned out to be the best of the bunch, even though the story hasn't ended yet and I'm not into talking about my kids on the internet.

My aunt, who lived to be 84, never used the word "aging" to describe what she called "the consequences of longevity". After living through my own private hell, something so personal that I always said/thought/believed "if x ever happened, I would definitely kill myself" and seeing just how strong, beautiful, and austerely awesome the survival instinct that is hard wired into each and every one of us earthlings at a cellular level can be, I don't think I can really fear birthdays any more.

I didn't tell anyone about my last one or buy myself a present or anything. I honestly don't remember exactly how old I am without counting up from my birth year, but 55 sounds better than 54 so that's usually what comes out of my mouth when I'm thinking about something else and not in the mood for rude, personal questions.


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