# Most common question as a solo female van-dweller.



## Oddy

There are so many questions people could ask me about my lifestyle, but there is one question I get asked over and over again. "So, do you have a partner/boyfriend?" This question is always asked by men and they are always shocked when I tell them it's just me and my dog. Perhaps it's because my big white ford transit van is the classic "man's van" and they can't fathom that it belongs to just little old me, or maybe it's because the idea of sleeping on the roadside terrifies them and the can't believe a young woman is braver than they are.

Whatever the reason, it's become pretty exhausting to hear over the last year, I don't think this lifestyle should be gendered and I don't need a man to look after me. I honestly believe anyone with the guts can live this way. 

I am intrigued though, is this something that sole female van-dwellers hear a lot in other countries/cultures? I'd like to hear other people's experiences on this topic..


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## Cam3J

Sounds like an innocent question to me. Dont understand what the fuss is about here. Is the sky blue? How are families built? Is cereal dinner? Do you have a boyfriend?


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## Oddy

It's not a huge deal, but it was playing on my mind, hence the thread. It's not offensive, I just find it irritating. Its usually asked in a tone that barely hides the "you can't do that without a man" mindset, which is fine the first few times, but does get tiresome after you've heard it 50+ times. Mostly though, I just feel it's an irrelevant question and all my male friends living in vehicles don't get asked it.


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## Deleted member 24029

True, no one has ever asked that of Liam the Terrible:


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## Cam3J

Its always a relevant question. Dont let it phase you though. Nobody is doubting your capabilities or abilities though. If they do, flex on them fools. I get it


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## siid

I get it all the time and it annoys me too because 1) why is that relevant 2) why you care 3) who the f are you 4) dont worry bout me, worry about you 5) gtfo my face 

It isnt an innocent question. It is invasive. No one asks if you got a bf/gf if they werent interested in you/tryina get something outta you (thats a sliding scale). I dont ask no one about that if im not interested because its completely irrelevant to me. Theyre really just asking because if you say you DONT have a bf, that for them is an OKAY to hit on you, completely disregarding whether you have any desire for this persons attention/advances or not. 

Also when its just random people on the street who are just genuinely curious about your lifestyle and do ask innocently, it also implies they expect you to be with a dude for safety and that you should not and could not do it alone. Or even blatantly suggest that you should find yourself a boyfriend, thats when the conversation turns from "innocent" questions to gtfo my face. Also they dont realize that most of the time "another dude" is what gets you in fucked situations. (i speak for myself based on my experiences and what ive seen) Its a damaging mentality to think you cant do anything without another person, i think it leads to many people staying with someone who treats them shitty because they think they cant or dont want to do it alone or do better. So by people thinking they are innocently asking that, it does spread a negative mentality that people can be suceptible to and start to believe. 

Also annoying when you're with another dude and people will only speak directly to him so they dont step on anyones toes as if you were their property and the dude is assumed to speak on your behalf. Like asking him questions in regard to you when youre RIGHT there: "does she smoke..", "wheres she from.." etc.


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## siid

Cam3J said:


> Its always a relevant question. Dont let it phase you though. Nobody is doubting your capabilities or abilities though. If they do, flex on them fools. I get it



I do think it is doubting a females capabilities and abilities but definitely, flex on them. People dont really get it or are used to these types of situations because a lot of people dont speak up or are scared to be rude or something idk wtf it is but i find it necessary to flex. sometimes abbrasively. so I second that.

To one person who doesnt deal with it a lot it might not seem like an annoyance but dealing with it several times a day or to have every encounter with every person you meet take that direction when god forbid you didnt feel like being seen as a piece of meat in that instance, hell yea its annoying


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## Cam3J

Whatever floats your boat


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## Cam3J

Doin Time by Sublime is a song i can vibe tho :]


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## Matt Derrick

i totally agree with @siid, most of the time (in my experience) it's been a leading question, trying to figure out if they are 'allowed' to make advances or not. even as a guy i would get weird questions like 'is that your sister?' or 'are you two married?' and 90% of the time i was pretty obvious they were asking if they could try to fuck my girlfriend.

also, it's absolutely true that men don't get asked about why they're not traveling with a woman. so there's some inherent sexism going on there for sure. im sure some of it is out of genuine concern, but i understand it can be annoying as fuck to hear all the damn time.

slightly on that subject, i happened upon a really neat youtube channel called 'one chick travels' where she travels around in a sprinter van mountain climbing at various places, but also interviews other women doing the same, which i think is really interesting and inspiring. worth checking out:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxD9HC_IoZSIXdGboHeoNRQ


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## Cam3J

Were all travelers collecting different experiences so all of this speculation is invaluable. It reliefs none of our other friendly travelers observing with any kind of benefit. Like i said, whatever floats your boat


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## siid

LMAO???


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## Cam3J

Go find your own ass that you just laughed off, travler girl


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## siid

i aint sent u to look for it to begin with, my guy lmao


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## Cam3J

Well were all just people doing what people do. You do you and i do me. At the end of the day, who really gives a fuck?


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## Oddy

Cam3J said:


> Were all travelers collecting different experiences so all of this speculation is invaluable. It reliefs none of our other friendly travelers observing with any kind of benefit. Like i said, whatever floats your boat


SHOCKING! A dude that can't find value in talking about female bodied people's experiences. Also for future reference "invaluable" means extremely useful or indispensable, unlike your contribution to this thread.


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## MFB

In defense, I understand how 'invaluable' could be confusing, regardless, sick burn!

Im sure womens get it more, but this isnt a question exclusive to ladies. I do all my travelling/climbing/nature stuff by myself. Just my preference. A lot of folks cant wrap thier head around it, tell me its dangerous, boring, etc. Ive always thought it comes down to some people cant fathom being alone, or wanting to be alone. 

Admittedly, I ask that question as well. Guys and gals. I dont mean anything by it more than trying to get to know someone. Perhaps undeservedly, I always have a bit more respect for solo travellers.


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## roughdraft

altho im not female or living in a van i gotta shake my head for how often i hear the question, especially with that concerned or confused tone or am called 'brave' for traveling alone or hear 'wow' when i confirm it but what can ya do? one person's normal doesn't coincide with what a lot of people are comfortable with


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## roughdraft

siid said:


> Also annoying when you're with another dude and people will only speak directly to him so they dont step on anyones toes as if you were their property and the dude is assumed to speak on your behalf. Like asking him questions in regard to you when youre RIGHT there: "does she smoke..", "wheres she from.." etc.





Matt Derrick said:


> even as a guy i would get weird questions like 'is that your sister?' or 'are you two married?' and 90% of the time i was pretty obvious they were asking if they could try to fuck my girlfriend.



yeh these examples to me are fuckin nuts. how can anyone respect someone who speaks that way?


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## Robie

I am genuinely pleased when I come across a solo woman traveler, which is sadly rare. If a conversation is had, being a solo traveler is never a topic, neither is sex or relationships (except as a general topic). I see no reason, nor do I have the right, to question someones ability or right to live independently. As a man, I recognize that many males are unable to resist their primitive primal urges that override other emotions resulting in a belief of entitlement over women and weaker men. 
I would apologize on their behalf, but I dont feel obligated to excuse such behavior so I wont bother to waste my time.


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## MamaSow

This happens to me too, OP, and I find it pretty offensive. Not only do I feel like they are trying to find out if they can approach me sexually, I sometimes feel like folks are trying to find out if I'm traveling alone and hence an easy mark. I generally don't answer the question.

Sometimes though, women ask me, and then I try to use the conversation as an opportunity to encourage them to be fearless and to live the life they want to live (not the life society tells them to live).


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## marmar

In the squat the planet tradition, when a woman asks people about their female experience there are a bunch of dudes that just can't keep silent lol.
Now to the question. yeah, after where are you from that's the second least favorite question of mine. Both of those questions I find too personal and prying to ask a stranger. I don't ask people I'd just met those questions then why do they ask me those? Well because I'm a female who lives in a van and has a none american accent. Annoying? Absolutely. Do I answer them? Fuck no. You don't have to answer anybody's stupid questions if you don't like them


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## Sameer

I have actually never asked that question. After living in my van for six years I assume it's one person and the dog. Two people in a van is just not comfortable living. That's just my idea. Most of the women I know these days live in vans or another type of vehicle. I always wave first and if I get a positive response I go over and BS... You know, is your dog friendly? or where you heading? I talked to my friend Nina who lives in a van and told her about this thread. She said nobody's asked if she was with a man. Maybe it's because she looks like Albert Einstein without the mustache, although she does have a little mustache.
It's hard to approach solo women these days. I never know how they might react. That's why I wave 1st and hope for a positive reaction. I think people who live in Vans have some kind of common Bond. I also think it is easier to be friendly than not.


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## visionquest3311

I traveled all over the US (van camping, tent camping in the woods), traveled Asia and some Central America. Its a common question. When I leave the country it comes alot from women because they are scared for me, think I am brave or I am naive. I have had quite a few conversations about this. Most of the men think its sexy or whatever testosterone mandates the unevolved ones to think and hit on me. I do get concern from some men and it is valid since I have almost been raped while traveling quite a bit but mainly in Europe. 

I think that there is surprise because overall most women don't want to live out of a van by themselves, camp by themselves in the woods for a year or travel internationally alone (though I see more younger women doing it).I can see their point of view and if you don't have it in you, you just dont. I think some of it could be concern. Obviously you have a weapon like a gun or taser so your fine, thats what I told some people especially if I was out far in the woods and met some stragglers out there.

Really being able to have done what I did and now travel internationally with just my kids is a luxury. Most young or older women in other countries need to work or help take care of their brothers and sisters, their children if they have any or try to get a "better" life as in go to school or save money. 

But I do hear you it is annoying..

If you ever explore Europe you'll see how much you get hit on there. I was grabbed three times in bars and they just kiss you on the lips drunkenly. It was fucking weird. 


Anyway good on you! America is a beautiful place its fun to explore it!


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## visionquest3311

Just read a reply from above and it may have to do with body size also. I am 5'3 petite. My friend who is a 6'1 woman has never been hassled in a bar by a guy, never had men act aggressive towards her and I remember finding it shocking.


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## Sameer

visionquest3311 said:


> I traveled all over the US (van camping, tent camping in the woods), traveled Asia and some Central America. Its a common question. When I leave the country it comes alot from women because they are scared for me, think I am brave or I am naive. I have had quite a few conversations about this. Most of the men think its sexy or whatever testosterone mandates the unevolved ones to think and hit on me. I do get concern from some men and it is valid since I have almost been raped while traveling quite a bit but mainly in Europe.
> 
> I think that there is surprise because overall most women don't want to live out of a van by themselves, camp by themselves in the woods for a year or travel internationally alone (though I see more younger women doing it).I can see their point of view and if you don't have it in you, you just dont. I think some of it could be concern. Obviously you have a weapon like a gun or taser so your fine, thats what I told some people especially if I was out far in the woods and met some stragglers out there.
> 
> Really being able to have done what I did and now travel internationally with just my kids is a luxury. Most young or older women in other countries need to work or help take care of their brothers and sisters, their children if they have any or try to get a "better" life as in go to school or save money.
> 
> But I do hear you it is annoying..
> 
> If you ever explore Europe you'll see how much you get hit on there. I was grabbed three times in bars and they just kiss you on the lips drunkenly. It was fucking weird.
> 
> 
> Anyway good on you! America is a beautiful place its fun to explore it!


I think some people's behavior is shameful! We should look at ourselves as brothers and sisters and the idea of predator is disgusting... Sorry that is happening!


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## ByronMc

When I first started out in a van, in 02, had a dog & my only fear was teaching her to learn how not to bark when we were in the van at night. She would do her low growl, & be on alert.
I felt safe with her, & by the time she was stolen in 05, was used to dealing with living & knowing when to get out & such.
Anyone can learn the basics of knowing stealth living, and how that can keep you safe!
At 6’1”, I get in my van & automatically lock the door, even when I have the window down & anyone with sense will do the same!
When I see people lurking on foot, I don’t approach, however if someone parks near me to do their drugs, I do walk up & ask em to leave & not blow up my spot! ( been here , off & on since 05)


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