# Vaginismus



## Deleted member 18141 (Jul 21, 2017)

If I use strong language and self deprecating sentences in this post please keep in mind that I am not looking for an outpouring of assurance and pity from anyone reading. I am simply expressing my frustrations in a way that will be cathartic for me and attach emotions to a disorder that's often written about without emotion in medical journals. So with that in mind, let's talk about vaginismus! 

Vaginismus is a disorder in which the muscles in one's vagina spasm and contract to a point where nothing can enter it thus making intercourse, tampon insertion, any kind of vaginal penetration impossible. Attach a possible septate or micro-perforate hymen into the mix and you begin to feel like one of the most unfuckable people alive. The pain associated with this condition can range from minor to excruciating. In addition it's possible to experience emotional detachment and have "numb areas" during sex. This is to say that erogenous zones such as the clit or nipples loose any type of sensual feeling. Often times this can occur because the body is trying to protect itself from trauma or it can be a direct result of trauma experienced in the past whether from vaginismus or not.

In my experience in all of this I have lived on the extreme pain end of the spectrum. On very rare occasions I've been able to insert my own finger into my vagina but nothing more and any attempt by another person to do so has failed. Even worse than the physical pain and rejection of sex by my body is the metric tons of weight that it holds down on my conscious. 

Everybody wants to feel the closeness that intercourse provides. And when you can't receive that or provide it for someone else it makes you feel like you're missing out on being human. You feel as though you need to provide a clause for anyone interested in you. A 'caution road work ahead' sign if you will. In the background you hear the noise of people enjoying their sex lives, enjoying the closeness they can feel. 

Ultimately it makes me feel sub human. I don't feel like a full woman. I have people tell me that it's something I will just have to get over. I have to face the pain and over come it. Well I've been trying for years and the pain doesn't get any better. I've been told that I need to overcome this myself because a 21 year old virgin is something no one wants to touch. 

I have hope I'll be able to master my body one day. To reconcile and forgive it for betraying me for so many years. I think I'll be able to see her soon as a friend in recovery and be able to lift her up and give her the strength she needs to get through. I hope one day I can love my vagina. I hope one day she'll be ok. Anyway I'm a bit buzzed now to deal with writing this. I may post more but feel free to discuss below. Thanks for listening <3


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## Matt Derrick (Jul 21, 2017)

Damn, that's intense. I've never heard of that before. Are there no treatments available for this? Also, I ask this in all seriousness (not trolling) have you tried anal sex? 

It's definitely possible to find a partner that is willing to be in a relationship that doesn't involve intercourse but I can definitely understand your frustration.


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## Odin (Jul 22, 2017)

I'm a littlebuzzed after riding a bike booze run in my storm.. yes mine... I claim the thunder... !!!

Anyway in case I sound rambline or irreverent...

That blows my mind.

I had never heard of it... hmmm

Are there any medications for it? Maybe a muscle relaxer?? 

Also, any partner that wants to be with you just for your vagina... is being superficial. There are thousands of ways to be intimate, get rid of the thought... you are not sub human dont think that, your with us all ... us human beans lol, struggling with our various life blah wooo waaa

::


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## dodi (Jul 22, 2017)

Yeah, that's some pretty strong condition... 
Well, I'm not surprised that some of the people here might not know about it, since it's related to vagina, which is in my opinion one of the most badly known organs in the human body 

From what I know the idea of "over coming" the pain is just bullshit. Like you said, it's probably your body trying to tell you something, I would say you absolutely don't wanna force her into anything...

But I agree with what was said before, there are just sooooo many ways of getting intimate with someone that actually do not involve vaginal penetration... Plus, that's way overrated haha ^^

Don't feel like your sub human, the label of 21 years old virgin is just stupid, people that would associate you only with that WOULD be sub human, no matter how many penises they can shove down their various holes


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## Tude (Jul 22, 2017)

Wow - I've never heard of this and soooooo sorry for your discomfort and anguish. I hope you are able to seek medical help for this?


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## Cornelius Vango (Jul 23, 2017)

"For lack of better answers, physicians often opt for hymenectomy with episiotomy and labialectomy when treating vaginismus in the hope of easing penetration and allowing for consummation of marriages and relationships. Unfortunately, although such surgical management exposes the introitus, it fails to address the mechanism of vaginismus, leaving the patient with an unresolved problem yet with the added trauma of the surgery coupled with visible physical alterations."

That's bleak. 

I also read that the only real treatments are seeing a sex counselor/therapist and using various sized stretchers over the course of weeks or months.

Also, what Matt said- buttsex?


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## Desperado Deluxe (Jul 23, 2017)

Maybe diet is a thing. A lot of people don't realize it but it plays a major role in how we function sexually. Exercise could possibly help too. Also could be mental. The lack of sensitivity that society has towards sex is pretty depressing.


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## Deleted member 18141 (Jul 23, 2017)

Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice! Seeing a new reply to this thread makes me feel less alone every time and has been seriously helping lift me out of a depression mulling over all of this. 



Matt Derrick said:


> Damn, that's intense. I've never heard of that before. Are there no treatments available for this? Also, I ask this in all seriousness (not trolling) have you tried anal sex?
> 
> It's definitely possible to find a partner that is willing to be in a relationship that doesn't involve intercourse but I can definitely understand your frustration.



I'm slowly beginning treatment and trying to overcome the mental/anxiety element of it which is proving to be slow which adds to some frustration. I have begun to explore the possibility of anal sex slowly? It's certainly a new sensation for me but it's proving to be a bit more tolerable than the pain of vaginal penetration. 



dodi said:


> Yeah, that's some pretty strong condition...
> Well, I'm not surprised that some of the people here might not know about it, since it's related to vagina, which is in my opinion one of the most badly known organs in the human body
> 
> From what I know the idea of "over coming" the pain is just bullshit. Like you said, it's probably your body trying to tell you something, I would say you absolutely don't wanna force her into anything...
> ...



Thank you! This post made me smile a ton reading it. I think I need to un learn the notion that penetration is the ultimate form of intimacy because it's not. Logically and with my heart I know this but there's still the creeping voice of society and what not whispering in my ear otherwise. But I think my desire to be a powerful individual will crush that in time haha. I hope at least! 



Cornelius Vango said:


> "For lack of better answers, physicians often opt for hymenectomy with episiotomy and labialectomy when treating vaginismus in the hope of easing penetration and allowing for consummation of marriages and relationships. Unfortunately, although such surgical management exposes the introitus, it fails to address the mechanism of vaginismus, leaving the patient with an unresolved problem yet with the added trauma of the surgery coupled with visible physical alterations."
> 
> That's bleak.
> 
> ...



Oh yeah looking at the pictures of labialectomy surgeries and labiaplasties made me feel so incredibly sad and disturbed. The before and after pictures look more like genital mutilation, making someone look like a child again which freaked me out. I'm deff in the field of wanting to nourish and treat the condition with therapy. It gets a bit discouraging when therapists for this thing cost hundreds of dollars for sessions. I think I'm just going to have to do lots of reading and become my own therapist in that respect. I'm trying to save up some money to get a dilator kit (basically dildos in graduating sizes). And overall I'm hoping that if not for intercourse I can conquer this thing so I can be able to go to a gynecologist and be able to get pelvic exams and such so I can be healthy and safe and further take care of my well being.


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## Cornelius Vango (Jul 24, 2017)

You can do it! Feel free to chat with me anytime about whatever. We just met, but I'm happy to offer an ear.


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