# Squat Mattresses



## Whiteyisacommiefaggot (Sep 20, 2009)

Yes, we have all had fun with them. Yes, they spange and get use drunk. Yes, they are occasionally and willing to do things that most chicks/dudes with self respect won't do...
But goddamn... Not fucking worth it.
I've gotten Scabies, body lice, head lice and even HPV from fucking around with dirty fucking whores so I am just going to give a little word out to everyone:
STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM WHORES!
And if you are a fucking moron like me and cant listen to advice given to you from other people than do the following:
Notice: Has he/she been fucking your friends?
Does This person seem like the kind of fucker you would avoid if they were involved with anyone else?
Does this person smell worse then usual?
Do they scratch alot?
And the most important question: Do they vehemently deny being A slut and/or having any sort of disease? I know for a fact that the people who deny things the most are the most prone to be involved in these activities. 
Just play it smart like I didn't, and maybe you wont end up with genital warts.

Cheers and Safe travels.


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## stove (Sep 20, 2009)

Sux. But I can totally agree with the comment about smell...trust your nose!


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## dirty_rotten_squatter (Sep 20, 2009)

Yeah I take it ya had a bad experience man, sorry ta hear that. good luck yo
Capt.Ahab


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## nivoldoog (Sep 20, 2009)

Sounds like a interesting time to me

and genital warts, hey they always say its the size that counts...


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## finn (Sep 20, 2009)

Also, if you've just left from a protest, keep in mind that the squat mattresses (male or female) may have been peppersprayed and due to their tolerance of burning and itching and what have you, basically don't feel the pepperspray on them. So if you have fun with them, you may end up with pepperspray on your, um, sensitive spots!

Yes, this has happened, and no, not to me.


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## stove (Sep 21, 2009)

Hah, Finn, I've got a funny story from a stupid friend back at University along those same lines. He learned not to get head after eating spicy food w/his girlfriend...dude was practically in tears!


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## condemnedtodrift (Sep 21, 2009)

eh, something like 80% of "americans" have hpv. most dont have symptoms, and few strains cause serious problems. Just be glad you don't have the HIV, or stomach parasites


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## Drunken Hearted Man (Sep 21, 2009)

I don't think there's a "Usual" smell attributed with this, I know plenty of people that smell like death and they're the furthest thing from a squat mattress there is. I'd also like to say that being a drunk is not conducive to avoiding these unfortunate situations...believe me, I know...


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## Dmac (Sep 21, 2009)

KYPIYP KYOOT, is what we used to say in the army -keeping your pecker in your pants keeps you out of trouble


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## finn (Sep 21, 2009)

stove said:


> Hah, Finn, I've got a funny story from a stupid friend back at University along those same lines. He learned not to get head after eating spicy food w/his girlfriend...dude was practically in tears!



That's great, I bet he had a hard time getting to sleep afterward! (for those of you who don't know, some people who need to stay awake will put a drop of hot sauce on their junk so that the pain will keep them from sleeping) Luckily, I've never been drenched in pepperspray despite all my street medicking...


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## Mouse (Sep 21, 2009)

sadly, some squatter mattress chicks I know are probably the nicest chicks you'll meet, but they don't value themselves well enough.

but yes, keep it in your pants as much as you can. 

HPV isn't a big worry though. it's highly common (70-80% of college aged girls have it) and it tends to clear on it's own w/o you even knowing. oddly enough, the strains that cause actual WARTS to crop up is the safest strain to have - although obviously embarrassing. 

i read to CDC website too much. lol


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## wartomods (Sep 21, 2009)

they have feelings too, , when you are doing something equal to what they do, its hypocryte to talk that way.


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## stove (Sep 21, 2009)

ArrowInOre said:


> good lord, nto I think I have read it all. lol you folks scare me, thank god I am an inny ...



Just imagine if a guy was going down on you after eating a spicy meal...At least it's easy to dunk a pecker in cold water...


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## stove (Sep 21, 2009)

Hah, well I can say firsthand and straightforward that most of them (that is, the artificial/store brand ones) aren't nearly as 'effective' or 'pleasant' as some of the herbal solutions out there...y'know, just from experience.


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## bote (Sep 21, 2009)

I bought some condoms in Colombia and they had hem in a drawer behind the counter. I got about a block away and saw they had flames on the box and advertised "exciting burning sensation" . Personally, I like getting laid and hook up with people I'm attracted to, fucking someone you think is a whore is stupid. That's like shopping at WalMart while you complain about globalization.


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## dirty_rotten_squatter (Sep 21, 2009)

hhmmm well i can tell u that the his and hers shit works great. sometimes its hard ta spot out a squat mattress till its too late and ur in a drinkin circle telling stories about how u and some girl named jessica got it on..then the guy to the left and right and in front of u says the same thing.....uh so how bout them raiders


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## Mouse (Sep 27, 2009)

the his and hers stuff is the devil. 

tried it, ruined our night completely.

KY warming is the only thing anyone should need. that menthol ("hers") and numbing ('his") shit is insane and uncomfortable. lol


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## logan714 (Sep 27, 2009)

my daddy though me a rule "If you cant lick it Don't dick it"


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## Ravie (Sep 28, 2009)

finn said:


> Also, if you've just left from a protest, keep in mind that the squat mattresses (male or female) may have been peppersprayed and due to their tolerance of burning and itching and what have you, basically don't feel the pepperspray on them. So if you have fun with them, you may end up with pepperspray on your, um, sensitive spots!
> 
> Yes, this has happened, and no, not to me.



haha that reminded me when i sprayed pepper spray at a crowd in eugene...(yeah dont have a reason why i was just wasted and someone handed me pepper spray) well it misted on my piss rag and i went to go pee...well, it was warm, then hot, then burned like hell, then was a little arousing.i eventually bird bathed my crotch in a drinking fountain haha


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## Smallredbox (Sep 28, 2009)

logan714 said:


> my daddy though me a rule "If you cant lick it Don't dick it"



Sounds pretty solid.


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## sprout (Sep 28, 2009)

I am partial to the term, Jungle Buzzard.


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## finn (Sep 28, 2009)

Ravie said:


> haha that reminded me when i sprayed pepper spray at a crowd in eugene...(yeah dont have a reason why i was just wasted and someone handed me pepper spray) well it misted on my piss rag and i went to go pee...well, it was warm, then hot, then burned like hell, then was a little arousing.i eventually bird bathed my crotch in a drinking fountain haha



Heheh, I'd call you an asshole, but then I'd have to call myself one too... I once gave a drunk friend some EMT shears (which can cut through a penny) and then she went nuts cutting bits of clothing on other people. It was awesome and didn't burn my eyes or groin even!


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## stove (Sep 28, 2009)

Ravie said:


> haha that reminded me when i sprayed pepper spray at a crowd in eugene...(yeah dont have a reason why i was just wasted and someone handed me pepper spray) well it misted on my piss rag and i went to go pee...well, it was warm, then hot, then burned like hell, then was a little arousing.i eventually bird bathed my crotch in a drinking fountain haha




Ravie you're an asshole.

You're also my hero. That's horrible, but fucking awesome. If I were there, I would have punched you REALLY hard. And hugged you. Of course, not sure which I would have done first...


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