# Remember to Feel Real



## justo (Apr 1, 2012)

I've been living inside of my head since early June 2011. I've climbed to the very summit of love, only to have been knocked backwards into the valley of despair over and over this past year. I've fallen in love with someone to whom I fear I can never reveal my true feelings. It is supposed to be wrong that I have these feelings because of who she is and who she is with. If I take a step back and try to remember why and how I fell, maybe it will help me let go of it now, even though I shudder at that horrific thought. This is my tale.

We were at Wildwood park. It was late May, the very birth of Summer. The water of Cypress Creek was warm and inviting. Neither one of us had ever swam in or tried to cross the creek to the other side. She had the idea first. We took a shaded narrow trail that wound through the woods and emptied onto the bank of a small bluff. The water appeared shallow enough, so we agreed to cross here to a small island at the bend of the river. We tried sliding down the bluff but she tripped and collided against me and we both tumbled down into the creek. She ended up laying on top of me, both of us covered in mud laughing madly. We got up and climbed out of the gully and made our way back out of the woods. We found a spot where the creek was moving really fast but there was a slab of rock that made it extremely shallow and seemed like it would be easy to cross. I lead the way in the waist deep water. She was holding my hand laughing behind me as the water kept trying to sweep our feet out from under us. It felt amazing. The water flowed swiftly by us and seemed to drown out everything except us. She felt something swim past her leg and quickly jumped on to me and held on rather tight. That's when it hit me. A very strange but familiar warming sensation began spilling out of my chest and covering my body. It hit my stomach first and then my thighs and my knees buckled. I almost dropped her. I can hear her laughing as my weight shifts to keep her from diving head first over my shoulders into the water. Aine, the goddess of love and summer, began whispering in my ear as the floodgates opened up. Over the past several weeks we had been through a lot together as friends. We had been having fairly deep conversations about the inner workings of our mind, things we don't like in this world, and most importantly the things that fascinate us about life, like nature and magic. We discovered we are both pagans. I straighten back up as I leave my head and come back to the creek. I make for the shore on the other side. Her arms are wrapped around my neck, tight around my chest. I think shes thinking of my strength and how she just realized that she hopes I'll always be here and she doesn't want to let go. She tightens her grip and I can feel her face smiling into the back of my head as we reach the middle of the creek. 

I wanted to tell her, at that exact moment, that nothing had ever filled me with so much happiness than being with her. I wanted to try to communicate into sentences the sensation that had taken hold of my entire being. I said nothing. We made it to the western shore of the creek, laughed and played in the woods. She is my best friend's girlfriend. I could never betray our trust, I could never cross that fucking line. Generations of socialization through the lens of Christianity, portraying sex as nothing more than an obedient act of creation on the part of the female has created a taboo that has lead to the censorship as well as exploitation of a natural act of life that once knew no boundaries. We tried to cage it, and in turns put shackles on ourselves. The idea of another human owning the will of another is so ingrained in our culture, in our very moral construct. It is as alien to us as we are to the vacuum of space.


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## Earth (Apr 1, 2012)

Patience my son, Patience!!
Sooner or later she will dump whoever she is with, then (if you play your cards right) you'll be next in line.

One thing though:
Don't expect that to last forever either, as today's woman only sticks around long enough until someone better comes along...........

But you've got the right additude, old fashioned... which is a good thing.


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## Shakou (Apr 6, 2012)

Earth said:


> One thing though:
> Don't expect that to last forever either, as today's woman only sticks around long enough until someone better comes along...........


 
Because men never treat their women bad or take their relationships for granted.

As for you, Justo, you have two options. Let it go for now while remaining as a good friend to her and see where fate takes you both. Remember all things happen for a reason, and life has a way of working things out for the best interest of everyone, one way or another. Or, if it's really driving you that crazy, and you trust her, tell her, and see what she says. So long as it's said in private and you make it clear you have no intentions of making any moves on her while she is still in a relationship with your best friend, you won't be betraying your best friend. I was in a similar situation once upon a time, and sometimes, even if absolutely nothing comes of it, simply letting the person know how you feel is rewarding in itself and something to be proud of.


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## RockerBilly (Apr 6, 2012)

Its not some screwed up tradition christian society has ingrained upon you man. You shouldnt have sex with your best friend's girlfriend because you dont wanna hurt your friend, its not because "society" is _so square, maaan_.


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## Alaska (Apr 6, 2012)

I loved the story, man. As a pagan/heathen/decent person myself, I can definitely get where you're coming from.

Tell her how you feel, really. Don't initiate anything physical, though. I'd hate to see you on "Cheaters: Hobo Heartbreakers".


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## outskirts (Apr 6, 2012)

If this guy is your friend, and I mean really your friend, someone who has your back when things are at their worst...
Then don't get between him and his girlfriend. It's one thing if it's some girl that he recently met and she decides she wants
you not him. But when two people have history together it's best not to come between them, especially when one of them
is a good friend. Besides you don't know how she feels about you anyway... probably best not to know!
Trust is like a glass bottle, once you break it, you ain't putting it back together. And triangles of this type usually end badly.
Sure you can't kill these feelings, but you can swallow them and keep them buried. Either way you have to deal with misery,
the difference is by keeping your feelings secret only you suffer, reveal them and maybe all three of you will suffer.
Maybe things will change between them down the road, maybe you will meet someone else? It's a big world out there and
there are billions of people in it, odds are someone else will cross your path and make your chest flutter.


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## Gypsy Smile (Apr 7, 2012)

Patience is Virtue. my Dear.
Mine waited for me for two years....
And Now hes been mine for 6 Years....


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## RockerBilly (Apr 7, 2012)

If you really love someone, its their happiness you care about, not your own.


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## wizehop (Apr 7, 2012)

Everyone has covered this issue pretty well so no sense it repeating whats already said. What I will say is I enjoyed your writing and I wouldn't mind hearing some non love related stories from you some time. I honestly thought at the start that she was gong to end up drowning by the way you went into it, glad she didn't...


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## Pheonix (Apr 7, 2012)

If your willing to throw away your friendship with your best friend over a piece of ass because you don't know how to control your emotions, then I hope we never become friends. And if you do steal your best friend's girl then I hope he kicks your ass cause that's what you would deserve.


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## Alaska (Apr 7, 2012)

Hey, OP, I don't think you should have made this public. Haha. This thread is just one giant "bros before hoes" circle-jerk.


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