# Advice/Support. Graduating High School and issues with family



## ashley (Dec 16, 2009)

Last week I went to visit my grandpa at his business with my mom, when I was suddenly surounded by my aunt, grandpa, mom, and cusion. I was intergatted with questions of where I'm going to college after I graduate, and why haven't I applied any where yet. I told them, that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and I don't think anyone can fully understand what they want to be when they haven't even really experienced anything other than years of schooling. I told them I wanted to go traveling again for a while ( this time a longer time lol) , and than from there see where I want to go college for. My grandpa told me " If you love me you will go to school right after you graduate." They basically didn't believe that I'd go back. They told me everyone says "ill go back but never do." I feel terrible for letting my family down, but at least I graduated high school. I can't live my life for everyone else right? Do you think they will get over it? UGHHH This is hard.


Also why would I subject myself to being thosands of dollars in debt for schooling that I have no heart in.

Just some needing some advice, or support.

- ashley:sos:


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## compass (Dec 16, 2009)

They might not get over it, but really, that's their problem to deal with, and unfair to you. You can't live your life for other people.

I'm sorry, but that shit your grandpa said is terribly manipulative, selfish and childish. Why would your love for him be contingent on you going to school. Fucking ridiculous. They're trying to control you, based upon their socially constructed fears. They won't understand.

Live your life.


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## dirty_rotten_squatter (Dec 16, 2009)

Well, it's about what makes you happy and wht you want to do with your life...Your gramps pulled the "if you love me" card you can play it right back..If they loved you, they would understand your wishes. They will get over it, after a while because they're your fam and they do love you. They just can't think outside of the box because all they've known is hard work and school. The thought of something breaking the cycle worries them...It's kinda like ants, they walk in a straight line and if you put something in front it prevents them from going straight and they don't know what to do so they go crazy. after a while theres always one that goes around then the others start to follow.
Good luck


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## finn (Dec 16, 2009)

ashley said:


> Last week I went to visit my grandpa at his business with my mom, when I was suddenly surounded by my aunt, grandpa, mom, and cusion. I was intergatted with questions of where I'm going to college after I graduate, and why haven't I applied any where yet. I told them, that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and I don't think anyone can fully understand what they want to be when they haven't even really experienced anything other than years of schooling. I told them I wanted to go traveling again for a while ( this time a longer time lol) , and than from there see where I want to go college for. My grandpa told me " If you love me you will go to school right after you graduate." They basically didn't believe that I'd go back. They told me everyone says "ill go back but never do." I feel terrible for letting my family down, but at least I graduated high school. I can't live my life for everyone else right? Do you think they will get over it? UGHHH This is hard.
> 
> 
> Also why would I subject myself to being thosands of dollars in debt for schooling that I have no heart in.
> ...



I think their fear is more based on you becoming a statistic, than you not obtaining some kind of degree. People tend to be creatures of habit, they stick to what they are familiar with, while few want to move on to other things. The whole thing about education is that it basically gives you a magic piece of paper that makes job hunting easier, and thus a more conventional and less risky life is technically more likely. Since your interest falls outside of what they find to be acceptable, they think your direction is going to basically destroy your life. They will get over it, but they will be plenty pissed.

My advice would be to start taking some self defense classes, more for their sake than yours, and also to make an effort to look like you're really trying to accomodate them. As in studying topics that aren't obviously travel-related, like learning to fix stuff around the house, doing habitat for humanity (a great way to get basic carpentry skills), who knows, making a list of schools/museums/etc you want to check out around the country. They are desperate to see something that resembles what they see as ambition for a what they feel is a better life.

This will make your leaving come a bit easier for them, but they'll still be pissed.

Hope this helps!


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## compass (Dec 16, 2009)

That's why I like finn. Such a nice guy, so smart and intuitive. It's hard being an asshole like me sometimes.


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## ashley (Dec 16, 2009)

finn said:


> I think their fear is more based on you becoming a statistic, than you not obtaining some kind of degree. People tend to be creatures of habit, they stick to what they are familiar with, while few want to move on to other things. The whole thing about education is that it basically gives you a magic piece of paper that makes job hunting easier, and thus a more conventional and less risky life is technically more likely. Since your interest falls outside of what they find to be acceptable, they think your direction is going to basically destroy your life. They will get over it, but they will be plenty pissed.
> 
> My advice would be to start taking some self defense classes, more for their sake than yours, and also to make an effort to look like you're really trying to accomodate them. As in studying topics that aren't obviously travel-related, like learning to fix stuff around the house, doing habitat for humanity (a great way to get basic carpentry skills), who knows, making a list of schools/museums/etc you want to check out around the country. They are desperate to see something that resembles what they see as ambition for a what they feel is a better life.
> 
> ...



That actually sounds a really good idea, hmmm Im going to start looking into things of that sort. Thanks!


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## ashley (Dec 16, 2009)

rememberusername said:


> Theres always Financial Aid and Grants if you end up getting stuck like me being a poor little homeless boi. Not sure how that works for college other than community.
> 
> If I could be in your shoes I would take the school, learn some useful things that you can put to use, skip all that useless stuff. Then leave with the knowledge that will help you be a step ahead the people who get stuck at the bottom and turn into homebums.
> 
> ...



I live in Chicagoso that has a lot of trains. I was thinking about going to a community college, as of right now Im considering being an ultra sound technition, nurse, or firefighter all pretty general ideas as of now. Yeah it is a young life crisis.


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## barnaclebones (Dec 16, 2009)

girl, sounds like youre in exactly the same place i was years ago... 6 years to be exact... 

wish someone was there to tell me this...

I'd say... go to school.. i went to a school called College of the Atlantic in Maine... kinda expensive, but good financial aid. 

The cool thing there is its beautiful, and you can go FUCKING ANYWHERE to fulfill your internship requirement. ANYWHERE. you could go WOOF for 6 months, or do human rights activism, or whatever.... and then for your senior project... GO TRAINHOPPIN! thatd fly. bet ya ten bucks.. 

anyway... enough ruthless advertising. go to school for a year or so... and then take a year off! 

but in the end, do what's right for you... your family will get the fuck over it. mine did. and they's some strict muthafuckaz.


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## finn (Dec 16, 2009)

compass said:


> That's why I like finn. Such a nice guy, so smart and intuitive. It's hard being an asshole like me sometimes.



Hey, first day I met you, I did threaten to kill you, remember? I swear you looked like you were taking me seriously.


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## compass (Dec 16, 2009)

Shit, I think the spacebags that first night wiped that clear out. Aren't you a moderator? Shouldn't you be keeping this on track? Pffft


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## genghis braun (Dec 16, 2009)

in a sense, I'm in the same boat. I dropped out and got my GED and everytime the college issue is brought up, I tell them the truth-in a few years. I know exactly what I want to go to school for, I just know that if I were to go to college right now, I'd do horribly at it cuz I don't deal well at all with structured learning environments, and I need some space from them.

in the end you have to realize that you life is your own to live out, and that ultimately, YOU are the one that has to live with the consequences of your decisions, regardless of what they are.


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## connerR (Dec 16, 2009)

School isn't going anywhere. You can go in 1, 2, 3 years. 
You, however, can only get older. I say travel first, experience everything that you can, then go to school.


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## bote (Dec 16, 2009)

i think it is harder to go back to school once you´ve been out awhile, it is for me anyway. 
Just the fact that you have a bunch of people willing to get together and try to get you to go- that´s not gonna happen down the line. And it may be annoying, but still it helps to have pressure sometimes, to do stuff that doesn´t come easy.

there´s no wrong decision, but i think having your family trying to get you to go should be considered an advantage more than a hindrance, no matter what you decide.


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## keg (Dec 17, 2009)

if you go to more school i would guess its to get a good job.do you want a good job?do you even want a job?


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## lice (Dec 17, 2009)

as soon as i graduated i kicked rocks 2 days after graduation. my family pulled the same EXACT shit. for me i received advice from an amazing friend who is a Vietnam vet homebum named squirell in sante fe. i had been on the road for two weeks and as i was leaving to go to rainbow gathering he told me " dude yer young travel everywhere, cuz when yer old you cant do much but die" that stuck with me


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## ashley (Dec 17, 2009)

yeah, I don't want to work right now. I mean I have support from my family for college, but I don't have money for it. It'll be the same fiancial issues. I think i'll lfuck up in college, im just not ready for it right now


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## bote (Dec 17, 2009)

keg said:


> if you go to more school i would guess its to get a good job.



technical school maybe, but worst reason to go to univeristy imo




lice said:


> " dude yer young travel everywhere, cuz when yer old you cant do much but die"



somebody who views their own life as more or less useless is probably not the best authority on how to live a fulfilling life. No right way to do things, but I´ll be damned if I finish my days wallowing in self-pity.


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## lice (Dec 17, 2009)

bote said:


> technical school maybe, but worst reason to go to univeristy imo
> 
> 
> 
> ...



true but he had cirrhosis of the liver and didnt have much time left


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## stove (Dec 17, 2009)

So I might be one of the few here whom went to university without any interest in travel, and then discovered how much fun I can have being senseless and useless and just having a fuckload of fun in life. That being said, do what makes ya feel comfortable. Seriously. More later, my wifi is driving away.


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## moe (Dec 18, 2009)

i don't think i can do college either.
i don't know what interest i have other than drawing weird shit.
i just realized i can't write. im making a run for it before i reach the front door.
i hate how the family says "if u don't go to college, ur gonna be miserable for the rest of your life working at mcdonalds.", but if i had to work for the rest of my life, it wouldn't be mcdonalds. it would be white castle. haha.
that's why i feel this strange urge deep inside of me to just fucking prove them wrong. but i wish it could just be out passion or some shit and not about having to prove anyone wrong? idk. blah.


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## CdCase123 (Dec 19, 2009)

ashley said:


> I was thinking about going to a community college, as of right now Im considering being an ultra sound technition, nurse, or firefighter all pretty general ideas as of now.




there's your first problem. *The means justify the ends*. you got it backwards.
fuck the career. go to school for something that sustains your interest. if at all


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## freepizzaforlife (Dec 22, 2009)

I dont have a job. In fact, I dont believe in the concept of money. I think the only productive thing people should be required to do is express their creativity and live peacefully among others. I never went to high school and do lots of drugs. And all I want to do is get high and skateboard. By societies standards I'm considered to be a bad and worthless person. Well you know what I fuckin hate you guys too and think you're worthless and shallow and pointless, with the exception of people that think for themselves. talk about depressing...


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## Poe Boy (Dec 24, 2009)

Take it from someone who's been there, and seen others there:

DO NOT go to college if you don't know what you want OR think you're not ready for it, cuz guess what? if you think that, then you AREN'T ready for it. Don't know how many people I've seen graduate college to find out they don't want to do what they went to college for.

Also, DO NOT take out student loans. You'll end up out of school, making way less money than they promised you, and at least half of it going to pay for loans. Take grants, scholarships and work for the rest if school is what you want.

Another option is to find an apprenticeship program. With those a company hires you, you work full time, and go to school nights -- which the company also pays for. It's also easier to get a job as a journeyman tradesman than as a college grad. If you pick one of the construction trades, particularly plumbing or electrical and go to work for a company that does new commercial work, you often travel all over the country to where the job sites are. So you kind of get paid to wander a bit along with having a job, health insurance, etc.


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## Beyond The Sun (Dec 24, 2009)

First off, I would say whatever you do, don't do it to spite other people. Mostly because if you do something just to prove someone else wrong, then you're not actually doing anything for yourself, you're still doing it for them. I think spite can be a wonderful thing--I'm an extremely spiteful person--but for the most part I try to focus all of that spitefulness towards myself, and do things that I normally wouldn't want to do/think I can't do. 
Anyway, it may seem like your options (based on your family's wishes) are either college or a shitty life. But as you probably already know, and as people on here have pointed out, your options are limited only to what you allow.
I can't speak for you or your condition since I don't know a whole lot about either, but I can speak from my experiences, limited as they are. After high school I had no idea what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to travel, and that was pretty much it. But I applied to a school anyway, just to keep my options open, and was accepted. I ended up deferring for a year and doing a bit of traveling, working and figuring things out. By the time the year was up I had the option of either going to college or continuing what I was doing. At that point I felt like I was ready, so I went to school and actually found that I enjoyed the academic challenges I was presented with. Had I gone to college directly out of high school it would have most likely been a waste of my time and money. That year off I was able to rekindle a love for learning and exploring--something I hadn't felt since I was a kid. So college was an opportunity for me to continue learning and exploring but in a structured setting--not for everyone, and not always for me, but I do appreciate that I have a ton of resources that would otherwise be hard to utilize if I wasn't in school. 
I dunno, for me college isn't about the money I'll be making after, or the 'security' I'll get from that money (because I doubt I'll be making too much money anyway). It's about learning and growing. But that's something that you can do if you're in college, working at McDonald's, or traveling. It's just something you have to want for yourself. 
But if you're living your life for someone else--whether it's to please them or to spite them--then I don't know how happy you really can be.
As a side note: I've met a fair amount of people who either really want to go to school years and years after high school, or who are in the process of doing so right now. Based on what I've witnessed, it's much more difficult when you don't have a support network of family who is willing to help you out. It seems as though your family is pretty supportive (borderline militant) on you going to college. Ten years from now, you may decide that you really want a degree, but you could very well have to do it all on your own. 


And that's the end of my rant. I figure that more than makes up for my lack of posting the past few months. Good luck to you in whatever you choose.


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## ashley (Dec 27, 2009)

I'm leaving its what I want.


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