# The Curse of the Butter Croissant..



## creature (Jul 19, 2017)

"coofffeee... ccrooofffeeee.... ccoo..eekghk..", his dust spattered brain insisted as the sun forced its way between the steering wheel & the windshield cracks, into his eyes, as his head remembered it was attacged to a scrunched up body shoved into the driver's compartment of a truck that some troll had miniaturized, before bashing him through the initial 15,000 miles of compressed space that was accelerating him into what might become the terminating phase of this chapter of his mortality...

he smiled as his bones creaked, cursing everything he loved, the pains varying from the minor aches of typical morning contortions and the intrusion of the hard plastic windiw guide impressing its memory into the skin of his waking forehead, to the instantaneous & insistant agony that sunlight was demanding he acknowledge its existence with..

& the moment of that morning's beauty carried need..

COOFFEE!!! godammit.. where can i get coffee???

yes, he could have broken out the stove & lit shit up, but he was fat & used to sucking in mechanical tits.. besides, he had a deadline that no one had given him and had to make sure he kept it, as poorly as possible..

he *could* have drank the old coffee, but that would merely ruin the fine damnation he was presently enjoying, as the forest road assailed him the distractions of a better truth that could only be brought to fruition with a stimulant capable of putting a *true* edge on the glorious despair he knew he would enjoy for the rest if the day..

there had been a shop some miles back, but closed, last night..
pergaps further ahead..

flowers & the breaking spikes of Sol, with whispers of cloudtops, dying in their ascent from the vallies..& blue..
a Blue lighter than Joy, but
more
Potent..
& the deer, deciding if they should be afraid enough to flee..

& ahead, as the grass & shadow cooled air cleansed away the crust of hell & civilization..??

a shop, saying "food", & the fucking thing us *open*..

" 3 fucking goddamned dollars for a cup of fucking coffee????" he screamed to himself..
but the girl behind the counter was obviously a slave, also..

for some reason or other the place is mildly crowded..
there were no more than a half dozen cars on the road over the past 20 miles, but the place is loaded with fucking yuppies, corporate automatons trying to remember to breath, shiny cars with families trying to not kill each other, &, oddly, even a couple of working stiffs..

he realizes, at this point, that he is hungry, also..
having shit the 3 bucks that will later be pissed away, he figures a crosaint would be nice..
no prices on anything, but it seems to be the cheapest stand alone item in the display..
the coffee is actually good..
soo..
sooo.. he says, he does.

"I'll get a butter croissant", thinking it will come with fucking butter, but not saying "buttered" because he knows if he gets ass raped on the croissant itself, the butter will only make it fucking worse..

Ta dah!

he pays for his rape..
no butter, thank you, but fuck it, because the place is too deep in the woods to bitch at other prisoners..

he goes to the car, opens the bag & pulls out the gold plated baked item..
bites into it..
& discovers..

"GODDAMNED FUCK!!! this is one of those massed produced fucking things!!! FUCKKKK...."

it had been a while since his last croissant, so he forgot the damn things could be boobie trapped..

he eats the poison & relaxes..

"remember", he says to himself " if it has anything to do with profit as the first principle, it is fucking cursed.."


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## creature (Jul 19, 2017)

and then he says.." i better get the fucking hell out if here!!!"


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## Hillbilly Castro (Jul 19, 2017)

never again.....
here's how you beat them at their filthy game:
buy Cafe Bustelo - that finely ground espresso coffee that many hispanic folks enjoy
go up to the counter of any cafe and ask for a cup of hot water
dump the Bustelo into the water, maybe two tablespoons
after about five minutes, stir it, and within the coffee grounds sink to the bottom _perfectly_.
no more gritty cowboy coffee or grounds between your teeth...
it's what I drink every day, no coffee maker of any sort required.

of course, one time I broke out my multifuel stove and espresso maker and fired it up right _inside_ Starbucks!
I made my own coffee right there out of the sight of the cash register and near an open door
and holy shit, the looks I got....


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## AAAutin (Jul 19, 2017)

Once you start making these, then we're all in trouble.


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## creature (Jul 19, 2017)

AAAutin said:


> Once you start making these, then we're all in trouble.



OOoooohhhh..
think we can make 'em on the gasoline stove????


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## creature (Jul 19, 2017)

Hillbilly Castro said:


> ------
> here's how you beat them at their filthy game:
> buy Cafe Bustelo - that finely ground espresso coffee that many hispanic folks enjoy
> go up to the counter of any cafe and ask for a cup of hot water
> ...



did anybody leave ya a tip???


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## AAAutin (Jul 19, 2017)

creature said:


> think we can make 'em on the gasoline stove????



I'm fairly confident you, specifically, could make _anything_ on a camp stove.


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## creature (Jul 19, 2017)

gonna use that Busto shit, & dip some Pillsbury frozen dough into it...

BTFW..

i have the stuff to brew about 10 fucking gallons of sake in the back of the truck, sans water..


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## creature (Jul 19, 2017)

yer invited to thee laboratory test ; )


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## Desperado Deluxe (Jul 19, 2017)

Hillbilly Castro said:


> never again.....
> here's how you beat them at their filthy game:
> buy Cafe Bustelo - that finely ground espresso coffee that many hispanic folks enjoy
> go up to the counter of any cafe and ask for a cup of hot water
> ...


 French press and gas station hot water is your friend. @creature really great writing  Brought a tear to my eye on the real.


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## AlwaysLost (Jul 19, 2017)

Would it be possible to make coffee by steeping the beans? I steep dandelion roots sometimes for a pick me up...

I didn't know it until recently but fresh mint is a stimulant, gives you a nice little buzz not nearly as strong as coffee but enjoyable kind of a mood elevator.


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## Desperado Deluxe (Jul 19, 2017)

AlmostAlwaysLost said:


> Would it be possible to make coffee by steeping the beans? I steep dandelion roots sometimes for a pick me up...
> 
> I didn't know it until recently but fresh mint is a stimulant, gives you a nice little buzz not nearly as strong as coffee but enjoyable kind of a mood elevator.


YOu can stee


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## Grubblin (Jul 20, 2017)

Cafe Bustelo and you'll never go back to real coffee ever again. It's liquid wake up that isn't illegal bc the government is too stupid to make it so. If they knew I'm sure it would be listed right up there with ketamine.


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## DrewSTNY (Jul 20, 2017)

Hey, man. It was great to meet you, even if the meeting was brief. If you do make a journey back west, be sure to stop in! You are always welcome at the corner shop here. I'll even make you some Haitian coffee!

Let us have a review of the Rust Temple and the situation out there.

Now back to the forest which is relatively quiet right now. Everyone is either up the hill or watching a movie. Maybe I can get to sleep before the hellions return.


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## Odin (Jul 20, 2017)

@creature 

your awesome.

croissant's coffee and beer on me. 

\please jesus allah zspasghetti buddahuniverse... plus discorida++++

let us drink and be merry... 

let our hearts be full of mercy


so our souls like our bellies are full with the food of the gods.


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