# Weirdest object you ever fucked?



## Corinne

Since were getting all personal talkin bout bloody vagona and ramming a dildo up a mans ass...lets talk about masturbation lol. Whats the weirdest object you ever fucked?


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## OstrichJockey

Banana.


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## EphemeralStick

I... What... I can't... 

Wow....

Just... Wow....


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## OstrichJockey

Nothing quite like fucking a banana. I would probably still do it but my pecker got too big by the time I turned 12.


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## Odin

Well... this is what happens when the Bloody Vagina thread won't die... you get SPIN OFFS.

Anyway, Corinne... I've never fucked an OBJECT per say...

But when I was a wee Lad...
A preteen perhaps I had a friend of mine and we found a bag of Wet Cement... like the kind for laying brick.
After putting our fingers in and out of the saturated sediment...
My buddy was of the opinon and at least for that time we both agreed it might kinda feel like a Vagina.

Excellent thread though... I've heard some guys swear by warm apple pie, various fruit, and melons.


EDIT: Oi... Oi!!! btw I did find out later on in life... To mY JOY ::woot:: when I was older, that it's not exactly like a wet bag of masonry cement.


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## WanderLost Radical

Not me, but apparently some guy got arrested for repeatedly fucking the neighbor's inflatable pool ehehehe

Barstoolsports.com/dont-use/dude-arrested-for-banging-inflatable-pool-rafts-again-for-the-third-time/


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## Desperado Deluxe

..A girl..


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## OstrichJockey

I've heard that fucking grapefruit is becoming a thing.


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## Kim Chee

Corinne said:


> Since were getting all personal talkin bout bloody vagona and ramming a dildo up a mans ass...lets talk about masturbation lol. Whats the weirdest object you ever fucked?



There should be a rule against inquiring without sharing your own experience(s).

Sooooo....whatchya been bangin' Corinne?


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## Corinne

Lol mine was a flashlight xD and it still works!


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## dirty andy

You ever see those plastic rubber things that you get in like Walmart vending machines, they're toys you loop them over your finger and it's like a dumbed down yo yo? Like it comes back to your hand no matter what? 

...yeah..


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## spectacular

a small proactiv bottle


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## Tude

heh - waiting for someone to respond with happening to go into wal-mart and enjoying a stuffed animal ... ::angelic::

But in the meantime I'ma ...


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## Deleted member 125

when i was younger a friend from school told me that wtuffing a warm hand towel inside the mouth of a wide mouth gatorade bottle is what a vagina felt like...years later im very glad he wasnt right because god damn do i love what a actual vagina feels like.

also i used to jerk off with handsoap and if you can immagine i wasnt very fond of showering even younger, so after about 3 weeks of bathroom jacking i developed a caked on layer of hand soap and cum that made my dick look like it had scales and was very painful to peel/wash off. lesson learned. 

thankfully my life partner is the manager of a number of local sex stores in the area, so i dont have to worry about finding weird stuff to fuck anymore...


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## Tude

cantcureherpes said:


> when i was younger a friend from school told me that wtuffing a warm hand towel inside the mouth of a wide mouth gatorade bottle is what a vagina felt like...years later im very glad he wasnt right because god damn do i love what a actual vagina feels like.
> 
> *also i used to jerk off with handsoap and if you can immagine i wasnt very fond of showering even younger, so after about 3 weeks of bathroom jacking i developed a caked on layer of hand soap and cum that made my dick look like it had scales and was very painful to peel/wash off. lesson learned. *
> 
> thankfully my life partner is the manager of a number of local sex stores in the area, so i dont have to worry about finding weird stuff to fuck anymore...



That happened with an old boyfriend after we had broken up but remain friends to this day and he divulged his unfortunate dickly ick to me. 

And lucky you with someone close to the local sex stores.


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## Kim Chee

When I'd dumpster dive for recyclables in the college town I'd occasionally find pocket pussies. 

I've never used one though.

...that lucky Proactiv bottle


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## iamwhatiam

a hollowed out cucumber slightly warmed in the microwave will work in a pinch if a fleshlight/pocket pussy/real thang aint available. ::hungry::


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## EphemeralStick

iamwhatiam said:


> a hollowed out cucumber slightly warmed in the microwave will work in a pinch if a fleshlight/pocket pussy/real thang aint available. ::hungry::


Good to know! I usually go the squash route me self.


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## 1lostnate

Grocery bag, lubed up, and stuck between the couch cushions. Works like a charm


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## Kim Chee

My spank bank is almost full...keep 'em coming

Anybody have pics, I'm having a difficult time envisioning all of this?

Thank you so much @Corinne for starting this thread.


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## Kittymeowmix

Magnum marker, with Play-doh making a head, in a condom. Also a table that was vibrating because an industrial mixer was running on it. I mean, I didn't put the table in me but I got off.


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## Desperado Deluxe

I have a bad feeling about this guys.. this is going to be another bloody vagina thread isn't it? Its never goin to go away is it? Guys?! Guys?!


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## OstrichJockey

Probably going to be the most posted in thread within a month.


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## Odin

You know... I think I prefer the bloody vagie thread. ::eyepatch::

I guess I'm just Old Fashioned Like that. ::cigar::


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## iamwhatiam

7xMichael said:


> Anybody have pics, I'm having a difficult time envisioning all of this?



yea, what he said. PICS or it didn't happen!!!!


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## Shinobi

Alright nobody get offended here, but I'm going for the obvious joke and gonna say... Your mom.


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## NomadicHobo

A feefee


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## Matt Derrick

Kittymeowmix said:


> Play-doh making a head



way to macgyver that shit


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## iamwhatiam

for those girls (or gay boys) who like using a cucumber on themselves, might I recommend the Bitter Melon for that ribbed effect!


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## Deleted member 125

NomadicHobo said:


> A feefee



i worked with a guy who would always talk about his feefee when he was locked up, this guy was such a cartoon charector it became a running joke for the rest of us so i eventually made a feefee and left it in his station at work and when he found it he yelled "DAWGGGG ITS MY OLD GIRL I MISSED YOU!"

it was gone the next day and im pretty sure he fucked it in the bathroom and threw it away.


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## djskum

Corinne said:


> Lol mine was a flashlight xD and it still works!


Lucky flashlight


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## roughdraft

Awwww yeah! Let's fucking go!

When I was curious about anal, I found some very much hardened seaweed out of the Pacific was pretty damn righteous!


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## Doc Road

Fresh aloe vara,as lube, simply the finest....


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## FLoP

Half gallon plastic jug that i heated and stretched the mouth as much as i could. Then got hard in it. It was a super almost too tight fit, but you can squeeze air out and squeeze the bottle back so it sucks. It was a pretty good one those times. That and in between someone elses mattreses


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## Matt Derrick

wow, the things i'm learning about the traveler community from this thread...


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## Odin

I'm taking down notes... ::drinkingbuddy::


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## Kim Chee

Can't wait to hear about somebody's solo train sex story.


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## Koala

The end of a hairbrush, for me...

but damn a flashlight is an even better idea, depending on how big it is...


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## Bottlecaps

One of those 8 ounce Dr bronners bottles.


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## Kim Chee

Bottlecaps said:


> One of those 8 ounce Dr bronners bottles.







I just ordered this ^ and sent you a pm


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## Odin

@7xMichael she said 8oz ... not 32... ::hilarious::

With all the coverage of the election on NPR and PBS that reminds me... ::cigar::


(Gets in Character)

"I need to drop in on the humidor and send Monica a tweet!!!"














"I approve this message!"


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## meatcomputer

handle of a jewelers saw.


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## Kim Chee

meatcomputer said:


> handle of a jewelers saw.



I bet OP @Corinne would be down with that.


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## Adnil

-Lipstick

-Knife Handle 

-Mascara

-Ferret Drinking Bottle


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## Kim Chee

Adnil said:


> -Ferret Drinking Bottle



Which end, which hole?

This thread will never die.


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## Vulture

When I was younger, a vacuum cleaner attachment. It was part of those permanent vacuums built into the house. I got scared soon thereafter, rubbed the lotion from the hole and threwe it back into the closest.


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## Adnil

Kim Chee said:


> Which end, which hole?
> 
> This thread will never die.



Ha! The fat end of the water bottle was forced into my pussy. No sounding or anal- sorry to disappoint !


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## Vulture

Adnil said:


> Ha! The fat end of the water bottle was forced into my pussy. No sounding or anal- sorry to disappoint !


Yikes, sounds painful


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## Adnil

Vulture said:


> Yikes, sounds painful


Oh, just to be clear- I enjoy being stuffed.


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## Odin

All new stp members reading this thread.


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## Shane Munch

☆ mattress with a slit cut and a zip lock full of lotion. 
☆ my self, lubed up inner thighs, put my hard on between my legs and did standing sit ups.
☆ sock with a toilet paper roll around it while milking my prostate. By far my favorite.


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## Rob Nothing

I remember making a contraption when I was a teen. It involved a toilet paper cylinder a sock a plastic bag tape and a lot of lotion.

Somewhat recently I was led to believe that it was somewhat a thing back when to make a hole in the soft mud of the banks of the mississippi and, well, go to town. So probably gonna have to try that if I ever find the mississippi.


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## Deleted member 16034

A knife


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## Odin

Okay well this is boring but I do recall my first love, a fiery female reporter named Brenda Starr!

I was a horny snot nosed kid reading the comics section of the Sunday newspaper.

Nothing like a brown faded basement couch cushion next to the radiator on a winter day for an energetic dry hump.

_Oh those cold cold eyes. _




_Brenda... I'm your Basil St. John._


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## roguetrader

a human female - there are some REALLY weird ones out there...


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## jaws

I fucked the slit in between 2 stacked silk pillows. Was actually an ongoing thing for a while.

Going up my ass, a dollar store sculpture of a lighthouse.


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## TMG51

Geraldo said:


> A knife



Gonna have to see the knife on this one. Presuming it had a shapely handle.


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## jaws

Oh and I forgot to add,
Power Washers vibrate like crazy! I have cum in my pants while on the job, literally busting splooge all down my leg from power washing equipment. If you hold the hose line the right way against your cock/clit while pressing down the trigger, it's a party! 
There are different strength power washers, go with the heavy duty ones. The small ones only get me hard.


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## Deleted member 16034

TMG51 said:


> Gonna have to see the knife on this one. Presuming it had a shapely handle.



I wasn't fucking the handle...


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## HoboinaTux

The underside of a bowl.


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## wrkrsunite

Myself.


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## jaws

wrkrsunite said:


> Myself.


Explain


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## wrkrsunite

I've fucked myself and I tend to be one weird motherfucker.


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## jaws

wrkrsunite said:


> I've fucked myself and I tend to be one weird motherfucker.


Was climax achieved? I've stretched my boner backwards into my ass before, was hard to enjoy so I stopped after multiple attempts.


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## wrkrsunite

Ouch, I usually just make a fist around my cock and use a back and forth motion until completion. But hey to each his own.


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## doctressjulia

https://youareasplendidbutterfly.com/2013/06/01/men-will-stick-their-dicks-in-anything/


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## WieselFlink

I fucked a clamp lamp with a thin stalk, wrapped in handkerchiefs, wrapped in a condom


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## jaws

WieselFlink said:


> I fucked a clamp lamp with a thin stalk, wrapped in handkerchiefs, wrapped in a condom


Inventive, I know those moments when "there has to be a dick shaped object atleast somewhere around here".

Oh and this just in, I fucked a hole in the wall at a pool underwater.


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## zipty6425

I knew I couldn't be the only one that's ever tried this at home. LOL


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## QueerCoyote

Hair brush with a condom. It had this gel handle and ridges under that. Can't believe that huge marketing audience they missed out on when they made it a hairbrush.


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## tennesseejed

wrkrsunite said:


> Myself.




Likewise


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## wrkrsunite

I love that someone above rated my post explaining the most common dick jacking technique as useful, did this method simply not occur to them before as they went through life drilling holes and fucking various melons, or maybe the vacuum cleaner hose. Or maybe they placed their palms on their junk and hit it Indian burn style. Oh well, glad to help either way. 
BTW I just knew the first time I jacked off that I was gonna love pussy.


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## tennesseejed

wrkrsunite said:


> I love that someone above rated my post explaining the most common dick jacking technique as useful, did this method simply not occur to them before as they went through life drilling holes and fucking various melons, or maybe the vacuum cleaner hose. Or maybe they placed their palms on their junk and hit it Indian burn style. Oh well, glad to help either way.
> BTW I just knew the first time I jacked off that I was gonna love pussy.



The first time I jerked off I burst out laughing after I came. ::hilarious::

I thought the splooge was hilarious. for some reason.


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## wrkrsunite

My first time I literally remember thinking, well this is prolly gonna occupy a lot of my time in the future. Haha occupy, my penis is the 1%.


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## Kim Chee

If there is a market for dirty kid cum I want to be the bottler/distributor.

...and for all of you who think I'm a capitalist pig don't worry, we'll run it in co-op fashion


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## AlwaysLost

My ex girlfriend had this Disney Mulan Dragon Doll and for sum sick twisted (its a kids toy) reason it had a plush anus stitched into it. But it didn't feel good so I ended up stopping and waiting for her to come home. I was 18 at the time so don't judge me!


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## AlwaysLost

Tude said:


> heh - waiting for someone to respond with happening to go into wal-mart and enjoying a stuffed animal ... ::angelic::
> 
> But in the meantime I'ma ...
> 
> View attachment 25389



Uh oh please don't read my post


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## ChezaRose

I do camming and porn, or well I did anyway, well porn I still do for fun and the former I just haven't done in a while.

Okay, so because camming.

During one of (or few) of my sessions I had a big foam baseball bat and also a light saber.

So, dancing, on my knees, with the bat in my mouth and the light saber in my butt, both propped in a way where I was hands free.

I am not sure if that is my strangest, but it probably could have killed me if I had messed up at any point. So that's what I am swinging with.


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## AlwaysLost

ChezaRose said:


> I do camming and porn, or well I did anyway, well porn I still do for fun and the former I just haven't done in a while.
> 
> Okay, so because camming.
> 
> During one of (or few) of my sessions I had a big foam baseball bat and also a light saber.
> 
> So, dancing, on my knees, with the bat in my mouth and the light saber in my butt, both propped in a way where I was hands free.
> 
> I am not sure if that is my strangest, but it probably could have killed me if I had messed up at any point. So that's what I am swinging with.



A lightsaber? I think you just became my personal hero. That's taking it in the dark side!


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## ChezaRose

AlmostAlwaysLost said:


> A lightsaber? I think you just became my personal hero. That's taking it in the dark side!



I broke myself many years ago doing weird shit and now I can not even masturbate "normally"

The dark side chose me.


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## SophiaII

Knife. Sounds weird, not actually that weird. Just don't use the sharp end.


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## tacology

SophiaII said:


> Knife. Sounds weird, not actually that weird. Just don't use the sharp end.



When I first read this I imagined the sharp part and a lot of blood. ::dead::


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## Cosmic Rob

@Kim Chee This whole topic is SO provocative.

The weirdest thing i've fucked is my hand.. i'm totally lacking in creativity. lol


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## bluewaffle

Cosmic Rob said:


> @Kim Chee This whole topic is SO provocative.
> 
> The weirdest thing i've fucked is my hand.. i'm totally lacking in creativity. lol


Now you can say you're fucking the system.

AMAB?


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## Cosmic Rob

I'm confused, and trying to stay on topic... do you mean "All mods are bastards" or "assigned male at birth"? Google says it could mean either of these things. O .o

I've thought about getting a pocket pussy, but it seems like a waste of money to me... and what if the mail man sees what i ordered?? he'll totally know what i'm up to!


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## WieselFlink

Cosmic Rob said:


> I'm confused, and trying to stay on topic... do you mean "All mods are bastards" or "assigned male at birth"? Google says it could mean either of these things. O .o
> 
> I've thought about getting a pocket pussy, but it seems like a waste of money to me... and what if the mail man sees what i ordered?? he'll totally know what i'm up to!


Who cares what the mailman thinks. 

If he gives you the evil i just wave at him and wink sugestively.

Sent from my D5503 using the Squat the Planet mobile app!


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## ChezaRose

Kim Chee said:


> If there is a market for dirty kid cum I want to be the bottler/distributor.
> 
> ...and for all of you who think I'm a capitalist pig don't worry, we'll run it in co-op fashion




If there isn't one there should be. There is dirty kid porn so I think it might be possible.


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## TravellerNick

Wow! This is a refreshing post.
I've done a beer bottle up my arse before, it's good but the suction it creates fills it up with shit which is pretty gross but could have its uses.


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## Durian

A latex glove with lube used to do it it but now my john is too big for it . it just breaks thru. back to the hand nor now ::drinkingbuddy::


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## tennesseejed

Durian said:


> A latex glove with lube used to do it it but now my john is too big for it . it just breaks thru. back to the hand nor now ::drinkingbuddy::


 In the county jail we called That a sally


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## tacopirate

Hahaha. I forget what they called it in MDOC, but they would warm them up first to simulate a vagina. Good times.


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## xpolx

err .....screw driver handle wholenew meaning to the phrase tooled up


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## PriusFuck

Dulce Jesus


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## duderino

I'm not proud of it, but I fucked a blow up doll once. My "friends" got it for me as a "joke" on my 20th birthday because I was still a virgin. I fucked it once and threw it in the corner without cleaning it out. I lived in a shed at the time, and one day I looked over and there were ants crawling out of the fake vagina, so I threw it away. Seeing the ants was pretty brutal.


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## AlwaysLost

Timm said:


> I tried fucking this melon back when i was an early teenager. Made a hole and everything. Wasnt that great. My dick just got sticky and that was about it. No orgasm



lmao Timm...Ive heard you have to microwave them first..HEARD, yeah.


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## Popsicle

My road dog stuck a bic pen up my ass . She wanted to write a fuck you letter to her mom. Funny thing next day we were camped with some rainbows and I covered it in chocolate and handed it to dude and told story . He about came on himself with wtf all over his face


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## lyzinga

So no joke... a hand drill!
Annd...a Vitamix Blender tool
annnd...a couple of my bedposts
and yeah the proactive bottle, wasn't all that
Ice cubes, lots, on a hot day. They kinda insantly melt though...so it ends up being important to be in the right place/sit the right way when they've all melted down. unclench..SWIRT. yeah. anyway...


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## Maestro

tacopirate said:


> Hahaha. I forget what they called it in MDOC, but they would warm them up first to simulate a vagina. Good times.


 
A feefee? Thats what we called em here in the bucket. Someone was known for putting banana peels between his mattress getting on his knees n fucking it. No one went in that guys cell.


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## scuzi

Why do they always make weed pipes so phallic? A terrible mistake could be had if someone pirated the wrong one from my bedroom...


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## Chillhowee90

I'm going to be "that guy" and say that this all depends on your definition of weird.


But my gut says to answer... Anything willing --->  if I'm sleepless and spun!!!


I KNOW NOW THAT I'm not alone ;p


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## Chillhowee90

1lostnate said:


> Grocery bag, lubed up, and stuck between the couch cushions. Works like a charm


 we've all been there bro


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## Chillhowee90

Koala said:


> The end of a hairbrush, for me...
> 
> but damn a flashlight is an even better idea, depending on how big it is...



*For real, something about a girl and a hairbrush... always fun.*


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## Chillhowee90

jaws said:


> I fucked the slit in between 2 stacked silk pillows. Was actually an ongoing thing for a while.
> 
> Going up my ass, a dollar store sculpture of a lighthouse.



Almost lost my shit right here... Third day on StP and i'm rolling ya'll.


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## beersalt

A daikon radish I sculpted with a knife
Lololol


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## Omightydarkone

Wtf kinda drugs yall be on


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## beersalt

@Omightydarkone Horney-ness


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## Odin

Chillhowee90 said:


> we've all been there bro




bull shit


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## roughdraft

Odin said:


> bull shit



true ,I'm thinking about trying it though


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## Odin

Yea... I just farted and it smelled like a hard boiled egg...


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## roughdraft

put it in a jar and hustle that my guy


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## Odin

Take it easy Terrence Mckenna... 


Weird... fragrant.... Canna Bossam!


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## Deleted member 24782

Most of the "weird stuff" was in my teens, or earlier. My dad caught me humping a stuffed animal one time, it was a raccoon. I have vivid memories of excess friction and stuffed animal hair stuck to my little dick, not sure if this is fucking though because there was no penetration.

For fucking, I would have to side with @1lostnate, I attempted to fuck the crack of the couch on several occasions...I'm talking 10 to 12 years old, no grown adult should be doing this, there are way better things out there to penetrate, or be penetrated by...

Oh yeah, I did do the "microwaved wet sock" thing onetime, I must have been really horny, it felt ok I guess.


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## hornedplant

for solo: box cutter (the sharp end) and/or zip tie
if you count involving other people: razor blade, or hypodermic needle

gotta get those endorphins


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## roughdraft

hornedplant said:


> for solo: box cutter (the sharp end) and/or zip tie
> if you count involving other people: razor blade, or hypodermic needle
> 
> gotta get those endorphins



when teeth just don't cut it


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## Deleted member 125

Odin said:


> Haha.... oh damn my best mod...
> 
> 
> is it like five years later??? I finally get that ... you were makin a jokey...
> 
> BestMod ... peace and all good beans!
> 
> i BEEN chillin.



I am very confused.


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## hornedplant

roughdraft said:


> when teeth just don't cut it



oh forgot about teeth, lol
*stares at the scar on its arm from when it was wrestling with its GF and ripped its wrist out of her mouth*


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## HitcherTheDrifter

Corinne said:


> Lol mine was a flashlight xD and it still works!


 They say Anything is a dildo if you are brave enough, I've only ever humped females.... I guess my hand works well enough i never had to cut out a hole in some fruit lol


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## hornedplant

I feel like fruit'd get you sticky and that sounds like a bad time and an easy way to end up with friction burns on your genitals. or an UTI


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## Wombat Joe

vacuuming gets wild sometimes.... ecosex is rad...... anyone messed around with those Bluetooth app dilly's?!


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## hornedplant

Wombat Joe said:


> vacuuming gets wild sometimes.... ecosex is rad...... anyone messed around with those Bluetooth app dilly's?!


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## blank

I need an adult.


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## KilgoreTroutLives 666

For sure the weirdest object I've ever fucked was myself.


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