# The Bag Poop (responsibly pooping in an irresposible, toiletless world)



## Doobie_D

This morning as i sat in my tent out in the woods slowly waking up, drinking instant coffee, and talking with my dog about how she needs to put some hustle in her game if were gonna bag a few local squirrles.. It hit me! Talkin bout a capital number 2.


Then i got to thinking about a practice that id long used while out on the road and in the jungle. Talkin bout the bag poop. Its very simple...


Over the years id noticed many turds all over various jungles. There were some cases when people meant well and dug a hole for their shit and either plain missed it or the hole wasnt deep enough and eventually the pile was back out amongst the world where many an unwary traveler has plopped their bag down right on top. 



Its just like picking up after your dog (like you should!). Keep a few of those plastic grocery/beer bags you get from the store or some doggy bags and when you gotta go just spread it out on the ground, dook into it, piss IN FRONT OF YOU, wipe, put those in there too, tie it, Double bag it, and dispose of in a responsible manner. Fuck, ive carried my own shit bag MILES before till ive found a trash can to chuck it in (Hamlet).



*** Alternately if you like the feeling of pooping directly into your own hand but hate the mess (hey ive met people that do) just put the bag over your hand, let 'er rip, and pull your hand which now clutches a mound of shit through the bag.


This may take a bit of practice to become accurate. I would suggest your mothers living room, as its a safe place within a safe distance to a real toilet and shower if you should happen to mess up. You dont wanna be all by yourself in the wilderness when doing this for the first time. TRUST ME.


This is also good for shitting on trains. I like to have some cardboard under the bag as a buffer and an old plastic bottle or something to piss in. Hint: DONT piss in the bag or you'll have a drippy, pissy, shitty, mess that will get everywhere. OR: DO piss in it and then when your done go find your friends and wave it round yer head like a helicopter. If thats how yall roll. ( im looking in your direction GG fans) Also makes a killer smiley if you add some ballast.

Anyways.. This is some common sense shit but just in case this has never crossed your mind or if you dont sit around dreaming about various ways to responsibly drop a deuce in an irresponsible and toiletless world then there ya go.

Have fun.


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## kokomojoe

As funny as that is, it's a pretty solid idea. This makes me want to know: Where is the weirdest place you've taken a shit while on the road?


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## Doobie_D

Poop is a pretty funny topic even if you arent a 3rd grader. But it abruptly stops being funny once i step in it, throw my pack down in it, roll out near it, etc...Not to mention it spreads disease if not taken care of properly.




kokomojoe said:


> Where is the weirdest place you've taken a shit while on the road?


 

Thats a tough one for me. One that comes to mind off the top of my head:

I was on a boxcar coming from Sioux Falls bound for Sioux City. I had rolled out in it probably 10 hours before it started moving and went to sleep. Once we got going the morning bowel evacuation ritual was eminent. The train was doing alot of work every 10-20 miles. So town number 3 i decided i was gonna jump down and go for it once the units passed and listen in on the scanner to find out how much time i had left.

The train pulled into a siding that was in a field. Just as we drifted to a stop i noticed something white in the green-for-miles-in-every-direction-farmland.... HOT DAMN if it wasnt a fuckin TOILET!!! My boxcar stopped directly parallel to it and i was ON that thing once the units passed and were out of sight.

I have no idea what a toilet was doing out there (farm hands? probably not. they would have had an out house or porta-potty id imagine) But damned if that wasnt the weirdest thing. There wasnt anything around for miles. No farmhouses or building or roads of any kind and town was a good 5 miles or so out.

So i ran out to it, dropped one (probably shouldnt have. But who could pass that up?!?!) and finished just as they were on their way back.

Crazy shit.


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## xRENx

i had to shit behind this abandon car lot one time right after the owner pulled up caught us drinking some stealies. it was early in the morning and hung over just trying to drink our wake up and dude rolled up like you guys gotta leave. right after he left i almost shit myself and ran around the corner and walla bum spray.
shitty part was i didnt have any shit tickets so i cut off my boxers with my knife. thats *albuquerque*


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## sucio

You could have some fun... Take a mtndew bottle, add piss and shit, shake briskly,let ferment for an unknown amount of time. You got yourself some fresh jenkem. Huff it up and enjoy, mixes well with bathsalt. Also leaves a hella good taste in your mouth... DELICIOUS


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## Weston

Jenkem... Mmmm Mmmm delicious! 

It's real. 

I think most would use mason jars full of shit and piss with balloons stretched over the top. When the balloon fills up huff it like a nitrous balloon and you'll SEE SHIT (no pun intended).

It would be funny to make a few and sell them to someone who gets on yer fuckin nerves without letting them know WTF Jenkem is. Beer money and revenge all wrapped up in one wicked little concoction.


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## DisgustinDustin

Pretty dick move on my part..... But I once shit on the hood of a ford expedition in an alley in savannah. They parked way too close. I was pretty hammered. Later that night a chick hit me in the head with a wooden shoe. Karma.


This was pre travel days BTW.


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## Doobie_D

Should have known this would eventually devolve into a jenkem thread


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## p4r4d0x

Hey man, everybody poops. 

I for one would like to thank you for making a conscious effort to do it responsibly.

Good thread.


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## Doobie_D

On a side note... I have a friend whos mother would always yell at him when he was young " NOBODY POOPS BUT YOU!!!!.. EEWWWW" pretty fucked up. Kinda scarred him.. but yeah.. everyone does. Great book


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## sucio

That's the one Kermit the frog wrote right? A classic


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## Doobie_D

sucio said:


> That's the one Kermit the frog wrote right?


 

nah...Taro Gomi.... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Everyone_Poops


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## sucio

Ok, I had "I can go potty" by Kermit the frog


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## Doobie_D

HOT DAMN! only a dollar. Might have to buy a shit ton and distribute it to various jungles/crusty kid hangout spots across the country!


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## Kim Chee

Lamest shit:

I was on a grainer headed north to RV on a ride that hadn't done much stopping. Just as I was getting to Sac, I had this urge to poop real bad. Normally, I'd hold it as I was pretty close to where I was going. But, like I said, I had to go real bad. There were homes and a college along the tracks and I didn't want to be seen hanging my ass off the side (there's also a fair amount of rail traffic in the area). So, I looked at that hole in the floor of the grainer and got this brilliant idea that I should deposit my poop discreetly in that hole and bid my travelin' turd buddy adieux. Well, things didn't work out exactly as planned. I was able to send my little buddy down that hole, but...about 18" down from that hole was a steel wheel turning. That wheel was more than happy to send my little buddy spraying right back to his birthplace. 

Never ever shit in that hole.


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## Doobie_D

Bwahhh.. sounds like a premise for a sweet hobo style scheiße (shy-za) porn. 

I hope I never catch a grainer on the fly that has a fine splattering of mmmmmmmshit


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## Johnny P

This thread is hilarious yet informative


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## allenfromallenville

why don't you just poop on a piece of cardboard then throw it off the train while you're out in the wilderness.


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## Kim Chee

allenfromallenville said:


> why don't you just poop on a piece of cardboard then throw it off the train while you're out in the wilderness.



Most people who dump on the cardboard kick it off the train right away, they're not looking for a shitty road dog


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## allenfromallenville

heh heh


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## allenfromallenville

well, I was trying to be p.c. or something ha


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## allenfromallenville

well, I was trying to be p.c. or something ha man, come on, i do throw that shit off right away ha. honestly, what's more difficult is getting my dog off the train to shit at sidings. 

what do you mean, a pile of shit can't keep you company?ha ha


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## milkhauler

This is the shittiest thread I've ever read in my whole life. Shit just hit the fan and got shittier. [emoji90]


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