# NO MOTIVATION FOR LIFE, WORK...DO I NEED TO LEAVE?



## Alexander (Mar 30, 2012)

I AM STUCK. TIME FLIES BY AS I KEEP MY EYES CLOSED MORE THAN THEY ARE OPEN. I JUST DON'T CARE. I'VE NEVER KNOWN MYSELF AND I FEEL LIKE I WILL NEVER FEEL LIKE ANYONE. BIPOLAR IS A BITCH, I'M SO TIRED OF THIS "MENTAL ILLNESS" AND I FEEL THAT MY LACK OF MOTIVATION WILL END ME SOONER THAN LATER. I JUST FEEL DONE. BEING ON THE STREETS FEELS LIKE AN ADVENTURE BUT DOESN'T MEAN IT WOULD FIX ANYTHING IIN MY HEAD.

SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME INPUT OR TELL ME ABOUT YOUR MENTAL ISSUES.


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## uncivilize (Mar 30, 2012)

no matter where you go, there you are


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## Pheonix (Mar 30, 2012)

Do you think traveling will help your mental illnesses? cause it won't, in most cases it will get worse on the streets. you need to learn to deal with your own mind, traveling is neither the problem or the solution.


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## Earth (Mar 30, 2012)

Trust me, Pheonix is right on the money.......................................


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## daveycrockett (Mar 31, 2012)

how the fuck are you gonna let someone else tell you whats wrong with you maybe youve got no heart


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## scatwomb (Mar 31, 2012)

The best thing you can do with bipolar is to have consistency - go to sleep at the exact same time every night, sleep for 8-9 hours, eat healthy, exercise, stop drinking/using drugs, etc.

Traveling makes consistency really difficult, which can trigger a manic episode. 

You've just gotta learn to live with it - it's a hard road, though.


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## daveycrockett (Mar 31, 2012)

heres some more advice stop whining like a little bitch, thats probably the best thing you can do and just deal with whatever pathetic crap you think is going on in your life "maybe i should go on the streets" maybe i should eat another pill" maybe i should shut the fuck up and be a man


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## Alaska (Mar 31, 2012)

I DUNNO. MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIGURE THINGS OUT FOR YOURSELF. IF YOU WANT TO TRY TRAVELING, GO AHEAD. IF YOU WISH TO SUBMIT TO CONSISTENCY AND ROUTINE, TRY THAT OUT AS WELL. ALSO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOWER CASE DID TO HARM YOUR LIFE, BUT IT'S A GOOD THING. CAPS MAKES IT SEEM LIKE YOU ARE YELLING OTHERWISE CASUALLY EXPRESSED PHRASES AND IDEAS! ARGGGH, LOUD NOISES!


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## scatwomb (Mar 31, 2012)

Really, it's something you're going to have to learn to live with. There's nothing else you can do, unless you die.


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## CXR1037 (Apr 1, 2012)

DUDE STRAIGHT UP FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS BOARD, THEY LITERALLY KNOW NOTHING.

CXR1037 - ONLY THE ROAD CAN HELP YOU, NOTHING ELSE, NOT THE INTERNET, NOTHING


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## Alexander (Apr 1, 2012)

yeah consistency can definitely help, and for those who don't know what it's like to be hospitalized since early high school for depression or other issues you wouldn't have any place to talk. I don't know why I caps all that but that shit doesn't matter to me. I do what I want. Mental illness is a bitch, I just need to get out of this rut.


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## ayyyjayyy (Apr 1, 2012)

Lolllllllllllllllll


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## dharma bum (Apr 1, 2012)

your problems will follow you wherever you go. they exist in your mind and you carry that thing with you always. if you want to travel, travel... but don't do it to escape or run away from anything. if that's the issue, i suggest facing your problems directly and dealing with them accordingly before you make any plans to travel or leave or whatever you're doing. if you didn't have to work, go to school, worry about bills or anything (assuming you have a bunch of money to take care of all that), what would you do with your life? now go out and do it anyway. do what makes you happy.


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## barefootinbabylon (Apr 1, 2012)

> if you didn't have to work, go to school, worry about bills or anything (assuming you have a bunch of money to take care of all that), what would you do with your life? now go out and do it anyway. do what makes you happy.


 
This is probably the bottom line of it all - do what makes you happy, and the rest will follow. If you are able to find ONE thing in life that truly gives you satisfaction, I believe you will have more motivation to go through the rest of the bullshit, whatever that may be, so as to partake of true Happiness. I could say the same thing as everyone else, that you need to deal with everything in your head before going out and traveling, but that would make me a hypocrite - the only thing I myself am relying on as well is that somewhere, out in that vast and great Unknown, is some semblance of true happiness. The more time you have to simply sit and think about your own problems, while also being provided for with the necessary essentials of maintaining a living human body is generally NOT a good thing. Somebody posted a long time ago something about how having to focus on helping yourself to merely SURVIVE is the greatest of distractions, and I wholly believe that's true. Of course, for someone with mental illnesses, it's quite a bit more difficult... But I believe it still holds true.

While I was hitchhikin' cross country, my own petty bullshit mental hangups were removed, a hell of a lot more than they are now that I live a life of stasis, loneliness, and isolation. Each day was an adventure, and I never knew who I was going to meet or what the day would bring - somehow, that uncertainty was more of a motivating factour to get me up in the morning and out into the sunlight of day than knowing that each and every day is going to pass in exactly the same fashion. Of course, this 'unknowingness' can certainly be so totally ungrounding that people can crumble under it - we, as human beings, need SOMETHING familiar and grounding in our lives, be it a person, a camping spot, hell, a certain place where we go get coffee every morning. To be assaulted daily with the unknown DOES indeed get old after a while.... So, that's something else that you should consider, I s'pose. 

The label of 'bi-polar' is so commonly used in our society that I feel that it's rare that most (about 80%) of the people 'diagnosed' with it actually have it; I'm one of them. I think it's more about living a life that is not self-actualized, and doing things and being with people that bring you fulfillment, or lacking the proper mechanisms to go out and find said things/people for yourself. Then, the depression sets in, and once you're into it, it gets harder and harder to escape. I know how it feels.. 

At any rate, you're REALLY damn close to me, relatively speaking. Perhaps we should go on a walkabout?  I'm working a shitty, shitty, shiiittttyyyy job right now, but...


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## Earth (Apr 1, 2012)

It's not even about doing what makes you happy, it's about doing what you need to be doing - what your heart is telling you to do, one's "calling" so to speak.....

(ok, I'm going somewhere with this, so bear with me)

I could never - never - live the life I am living (which is exactly how I want to live, incidently) without the straight factory job, although after 25 fucking years I'm ready to walk away from that, because I am now in a position where I can.

And what is it that I'm all about??
Defending nature, the AIR TREES WATER ANIMALS... but one ain't doing any of that without having the means to do so (hence the straight job, which provides that means).

There's another side of me that's really really really into art and music - but again, I ain't doing none of that without having the means to do so, meaning I've had to work for it.

I know I'm in the minority here because I'm older, and I was raised to get ahead as fast as possible in life so I could coast later on. 
I've done just that - and don't get me wrong, it has not been a fun ride - but the end result is I've arrived more or less exactly where I have wanted to be, as far as my life goes - as I'm able to now more or less do what ever I want - within reason.

I bought my pad prior to turning 27 years old.
I have my 4 cats + 1 dog which I either rescued or adopted.
I do wildlife rescue / transport work as a volunteer
I on occasion fire up my 'state of the art' late 1970's early 80's recording studio for fun and mayhem.
Sometimes I even do some painting - or put some time in my darkroom doing my love of print film photography.

None of this shit would have been possible without putting in work.

Sometime in the mid 1970's my parents brought me to see some doctor to see if I was alright.
I remember him trying to convince me that my upbringing was fucked up, and I proceded to straighten his sorry ass out by telling it like it is.

Anyone who is under a doctors care must - and this is ultra important - tell them the truth.
Don't tell them what they want to hear, tell them what you need to say.....

(and if possible, see a good nutritionist to make sure your body and mind are in sync metabotically BEFORE taking any kind of happy pill - which is thankfully something my parents did for me, and probably why I can pretty much handle anything now which comes my way)

That being said, I know I have a major problem with depression (that came much later on, after my woman killed herself by my side in our bed) but I don't try and sugar coat it - I confront it head on and don't want nobody feeling sorry for me...
(and believe me, I did not have a good childhood as far as dealing with other kids went, as I was constantly getting beat up in school, etc... because I was different and back in the 70s, early 80s - that word tollerance did not exist - but I used that to my advantage and learned how to become completely independent at an early age and not have to depend on having friends, etc...)

Forgive me as I lost track with what I was trying to say here my friend, but you have to recognize what it is you want out of life and go for it, and get there - which, if I was able to achieve my dreams - trust me, you can too...

Stay focused and busy - put work in, for too much downtime will bring you down.
Also - a good piece of advice from Henry (Rollins) is to keep your mind clean and your body lean.

Take care of yourself, and keep a written (book) journal to chart your ups and downs - because life is never going to be perfect, but keep in mind that life also is the "only thing worth living for" (Flipper)


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## Alexander (Apr 3, 2012)

barefootinbabylon said:


> This is probably the bottom line of it all - do what makes you happy, and the rest will follow. If you are able to find ONE thing in life that truly gives you satisfaction, I believe you will have more motivation to go through the rest of the bullshit, whatever that may be, so as to partake of true Happiness. I could say the same thing as everyone else, that you need to deal with everything in your head before going out and traveling, but that would make me a hypocrite - the only thing I myself am relying on as well is that somewhere, out in that vast and great Unknown, is some semblance of true happiness. The more time you have to simply sit and think about your own problems, while also being provided for with the necessary essentials of maintaining a living human body is generally NOT a good thing. Somebody posted a long time ago something about how having to focus on helping yourself to merely SURVIVE is the greatest of distractions, and I wholly believe that's true. Of course, for someone with mental illnesses, it's quite a bit more difficult... But I believe it still holds true.
> 
> While I was hitchhikin' cross country, my own petty bullshit mental hangups were removed, a hell of a lot more than they are now that I live a life of stasis, loneliness, and isolation. Each day was an adventure, and I never knew who I was going to meet or what the day would bring - somehow, that uncertainty was more of a motivating factour to get me up in the morning and out into the sunlight of day than knowing that each and every day is going to pass in exactly the same fashion. Of course, this 'unknowingness' can certainly be so totally ungrounding that people can crumble under it - we, as human beings, need SOMETHING familiar and grounding in our lives, be it a person, a camping spot, hell, a certain place where we go get coffee every morning. To be assaulted daily with the unknown DOES indeed get old after a while.... So, that's something else that you should consider, I s'pose.
> 
> ...


 
well i definitely agree with you on doing what you love, and if I do decide to go out to get a better perspective on life then maybe thats what I need to do. I felt my happiest when I was just goin for it, not knowing what the next day would bring, exactly like you felt. I was in Chicago for about 4 months, but it felt like a year to me because sometimes it was a rough ride. Tough times make time go slower, also just activities in general. Walkabout sounds fun to me


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## Alexander (Apr 3, 2012)

Earth said:


> It's not even about doing what makes you happy, it's about doing what you need to be doing - what your heart is telling you to do, one's "calling" so to speak.....
> 
> (ok, I'm going somewhere with this, so bear with me)
> 
> ...


Thats awesome that you have found something that you enjoy, even if you have a current job and everything that job allows you to have things and do the work that you want to. 

I love music as well, recently I haven't listened to as much as I used to, which is probably also contributing to me feeling not so good. Also exercise has been lacking which is a big factor in mental health. I'm ready to find what I love and go from there. I just have to be willing to go for it all the way.

keep your mind clean and your body lean. I'm diggin that.

Thanks for your input man. you have a lot of knowledge that only comes from experience I was only born in 87, you probably remember what you were doing that year ha.


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## wehavethemap (Apr 3, 2012)

spend some time with people that are way more fucked up than
you are, gives some perspective and maybe some optimism.. ignorance works REALLY well, but only temporarily.

keep yourself productive and busy, dead air is a real killer.

life is pain! may the suffering be your muse! fuel to your creativity not your weakness.
hope the best for you fucker.


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## Alexander (Apr 4, 2012)

life is a pain, it is all based on perspective and letting life make you stronger than weaker. I completely agree. 

there are people much more messed up than I am, comparing ones situation to others isn't always a way to feel better but it does help me feel better knowing I am not bad off at all. At least I have a place to stay right now, but it's becoming a prison for my mind. I need to break out of it and just go for it. Stagnant life is definitely the worst for me I agree.

If anyone is in the Chicago area and want to chill hit me up on here.


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## Pheonix (Apr 5, 2012)

you may think the place is imprisoning your mind, but here's a concept what if your mind is imprisoning itself?


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## scatwomb (Apr 5, 2012)

pheonix said:


> you may think the place is imprisoning your mind, but here's a concept what if your mind is imprisoning itself?


 
If I could "like" this a million times, I would. 

Escape isn't freedom. It's just, well, awesome


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## SquatinSteve (Apr 5, 2012)

i dont have enuff illness. i need more govment checks lol


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## Fungus (Apr 6, 2012)

Consistency/repetition will make you go crazy just like chaos/aimlessness will. You will give yourself "depersonalization disorder" (DPD) with too much routine. Everyones geared different on that one - Balance the mind - Read 'The Kybalion' and you will rest easy and understand ALL.


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## Alaska (Apr 6, 2012)

CXR1037 said:


> DUDE STRAIGHT UP FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS BOARD, THEY LITERALLY KNOW NOTHING.
> 
> CXR1037 - ONLY THE ROAD CAN HELP YOU, NOTHING ELSE, NOT THE INTERNET, NOTHING



HEY, I LOVE THIS GUY, BUT HE'S A FUCKING OOGLE. REMEMBER: THAT WORD IS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. IT'S A SYNONYM FOR SHIT-FUCKER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I DON'T PAY MUCH ATTENTION. 

ALSO, DON'T DIE. IF YOU DO, I'M GONNA NEED YOUR GEAR. IT'S PART OF THE HOBO CODE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

SOMETHING. LIKE. THAT.

Also, don't kill yourself.


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## bryanpaul (Apr 6, 2012)

i used to travel, not to find myself....but to lose myself......i'm a peice of shit.....it's alot easier to forget about the shittyness of yourself and your situation when your time is consumed by looking for food, going places, trynna gitta dolla, and seaching for creative ways to have fun......but alas.....cant run from yourself forever.......but you can certainly put off dealing with reality for at least a couple years.. if your not happy with your living situation or where you work or whatever.....the badness seems to just compound over time....i guess after a while you just get numb to it........or something....and stuff.....


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## Doobie_D (Apr 6, 2012)

bryanpaul said:


> i'm a peice of shit


 

im glad you said this so i dont always have to. Its good your finally coming to terms with your condition. The next step is to remedy your affliction.... *"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
courage to change the things we can,
and wisdom to know the difference."*


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## bryanpaul (Apr 6, 2012)

have held hands with my fellow recovering fuck-ups and said this prayer a hundred times, brother...............well, (not even fucking joking) off to wrap pennies for a tall can


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## Alexander (Apr 6, 2012)

i believe that a huge part of it is my own mind actually. which can be pretty liberating or depressing to think about. i need to change how i think, which could be very hard but possible. i know the physical place is not my prison, my mind is the hardest thing to escape from but i'm gonna start exercising and trying my best.


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## Alexander (Apr 6, 2012)

thanks for the encouragement everyone. I am just realizing I need to start doing things instead of talking about them. I'll break free from this prison, physically mentally and all the above.


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## CXR1037 (Apr 6, 2012)

Alaska said:


> HEY, I LOVE THIS GUY, BUT HE'S A FUCKING OOGLE. REMEMBER: THAT WORD IS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. IT'S A SYNONYM FOR SHIT-FUCKER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I DON'T PAY MUCH ATTENTION.
> 
> ALSO, DON'T DIE. IF YOU DO, I'M GONNA NEED YOUR GEAR. IT'S PART OF THE HOBO CODE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
> 
> ...


 
DUDE WHAT THE FUCK I MEAN SERIOUSLY THAT WAS LIKE THE BEST THING I'VE EVER READ ON HERE LOL ALSO YOU CAN'T HAVE MY GEAR BECAUSE I HATE THE STATE OF ALASKA.

CXR - EVERYONE ON THIS BOARD IS LITERALLY WORSE THAN HITLER


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## Fungus (Apr 7, 2012)

*"The mind, as well as all the metals and other elements, can be transmuted from one state to another, one condition to another, one polarity to another, from one vibration to another. True hermetic transmutation is a technique, a method, a mental art."​**THE KYBALION*


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## daveycrockett (Apr 9, 2012)

i read that before, edward arthur waite wrote a few books on things, sgood


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## daveycrockett (Apr 9, 2012)

arthur edward waite


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