# God damn it, I hate the south.



## MiztressWinter (Oct 3, 2010)

Just a small excerpt from my journal over this past summer. Specifically, hitching the short distance from Columbus, Ga to Atlanta, Ga (Only about 100 miles).

We walked down Victory Drive, Twitch and I, and it really was a personal victory for me. I was finally getting out of GA after being housed up for WAY too long. And with someone that I could connect with, relate to and have fun with. Someone would understood me, and accepted me, faults and all. Walking down Victory Drive that day with him, his hand in mine. It was blissful. He was everything I had ever wanted and so much more. He will never fully understand it, but he saved me that day.

We had been up ALL night drinking, and that morning sun was starting to beat down. I had been drinking rum, and he had beer. Got to the end of Victory Drive by the interstate ramp. Had my first Four Loco right there before we started hitching. At first sip, I thought it was nasty, then it grew on me, and so did the buzz. 

The cops shut us down real quick. As we were finishing the last sips of the Four Loco and quickly tossing the can, the cops pulled up. Not just reg cops, military cops. Apparently we were on Ft. Benning Army Base property and weren't allowed to hitch there, period. They ran our Id's then gave us a ride to the next exit. They didn't really give a fuck, they just wanted us off the base property. 

The next exit wasn't much better. Columbus Ga sucks. Full of redneck bastards and inbreeds. We walked to some sort of grocery store and got some cardboard and used their sharpie to make an ATL sign for hitching, then we went for the highway on ramp. Twitch was pretty damn drunk at this point and stumbled into the street a few times, me yanking him back up on the curb. We passed a church parking lot on the way to the on ramp some man rolled down his window and handed me ten bucks. Later, Twitch had no memory of this. Ha! Drunk ass. We stood there, by the church and the on ramp for, oh maybe FIVE whole minutes before MORE cops told us to *shut that shit down* on their PA speaker. Telling us we can't fly a sign there or hitch there. Fuck. The yard in Columbus is such bullshit, and hitching was really our only option. 

So we walked down to some gas station and posted up for awhile. We flipped our ATL hitching sign to the other side, where we had written traveling, broke and hungry and just sat it in front of us and a few people gave us money. We stayed there for about an hour or so until the lady working in the store kicked us off the property. 

Eventually, we went back to that SAME on ramp the cops had kicked us off of (fuck the police) and flew the sign anyways. We were there for what seemed like FOREVER. We had left my place early that morning. It was now around 1 and we hadn't made it but about 5 miles. We are officially the worst hitch hikers in history. Eventually a truck passed, and as he did I yelled out *As far as you're going, help us out man!* and he pulled over. We hoped in the back, stoked to have a ride. He dropped us off 2 exits down....

Now, accessing our NEW area of Columbus Ga we realize we are in Yuppieville. Wtf. And why can't we get out of COLUMBUS! SHIT. We spent an hour or so on the on ramp there, as I was baking and sun burning like fuck. Of course, no one pulled over and finally we ran out of water and there was nothing to drink but rum. Didn't think that was such a great idea so we walked down to some Yuppieville shopping plaza. Got some water, and god damn it was hot as HELL. We spent the next few hours sitting in this shopping plaza in front of an Applebee's. Some hispanic man kept driving a golf cart past us, back and forth from one business to another, with a HUGE garbage can of water on the back of it. Every time he passed I would ask him for water and he would just smile and laugh and babble something in Spanish. i don't think he had a fucking clue what I was saying, but either way it was pretty amusing and passed the time a little bit. We watched someone load a huge riding lawnmower up into a truck, and joked about stealing it and that being our get away vehicle out of Columbus. Although we couldn't go very fast so I'm not sure how effective this plan really would have been. But we figured the master plan to it would be to just mow the grass down the side of the interstate, and just keep riding and mowing until we ran out of gas. And hell if the cops showed up, why officer! We were just doing our part to keep the interstate looking good. Yeah..we shortly disbanned this idea. 

Some lady from Applebee's came out and saw our sign and we asked her if we could get any table scraps. A few mins later she kicked down fresh chicken strips with fries and water. This was the highlight of our day.

At some point, I got bored and stole a bra from Kmart. The god damn thing was tricky too. Had these crazy straps and hooks and I got lost for a little while in Circle K bathroom trying to put it on with Twitch waiting outside. Evidently some cop walked in the store after me and didn't come out for a little while either, so Twitch sitting outside the gas station thought I had been busted for stealing. LOL. Ahahaha...

Eventually we went back to the highway. It was starting to get dusk and I was beginning to think we were going to have to camp out, having only made it like 7 miles from our starting point and all. Lol..Eventually a taxi cab pulls up and says he'd take us all the way to ATL for ten bucks so we figured fuck it hell yeah, and gave him the ten bucks and got in. Five minutes later he answers his cell phone to find out that the person he was supposed to be picking up at the ATL airport cancelled on him, and he dropped us off at an exit a few miles down the road, again. This time in the middle of nowhere with only one gas station. Yay. 

Sat there for a little bit and got picked up by a kind of creepy guy that ended up preaching to us about Jesus the whole way. I had that feeling about him when we first got into the car, that he might have been a bible thumper you know...he was asking me questions like *What do you want out of life, Winter* and shit. And there were a couple bibles in the back seat. I was tired as fuck and sun burnt and really didn't feel like even hearing this bull shit so I just went to sleep in the back seat leaving Twitch to listen to his bullshit. I can't remember what Twitch told him. He might have told him that he was Jewish just for the hell of it? Or he might have told him that he was Christian so he would shut up? Idk I was fucking snoring...Haha! The good thing is that he drove for about an hour. Then dropped us off at another gas station where two guys in a pick up truck took us to Union City (right outside of ATL). The one guy offered to let us sleep on the floor of his hotel that night cuz it was late and dark as fuck and we knew we wouldn't get to ATL until morning, but we didn't wanna sleep in his hotel cuz he was a little sketchy. He did give us ten buck but...still sketchy. (you might be a crackhead if..) Ain't that a bitch. A two fucking hour drive and we had hitched all god damn day to get right outside of our destination. We are OFFICIALLY the worst hitch hikers in the world. Yep =)

So we decided to find a place to camp. We walked around for awhile and couldn't really find anything. There was however, a Waffle house with a pretty sweet grass clearing behind it. You couldn't see it from the road, and it was pretty private back there. There were only two people working in the WaHo that night so i figured, instead of them going to take out the trash and finding us back there I would just ask if we could sleep there. So I walked into the waffle house and went up to the guy at the counter and told him we were tired, had been hitch hiking, and had no where to sleep and asked if he cared if we slept back there and he said he wasn't a manager and neither was the other girl working so they couldn't tell us yes or no, but that they wouldn't call the cops. Good enough for us! 

We laid out our tarp, then our sleeping bags and crashed out behind the WaHo. Some sex was also involved, but I'll spare you the details. Lol Woke up the next morning and used the ten bucks dude had given us the night before to eat breakfast at the Waho before getting into ATL. Found out from an employee that we could catch a bus down the street from there that would take us the rest of the way to ATL and figured fuck it. Public transit is nice sometimes huh? 



That's just what I wanted to share with you guys. Just some stupid shit, about some stupid city in Georgia, and how it took us officially 24 hours to hitch hike a 2 hour drive, 100 miles. Yay. We fail. The end. (Did I mention I fucking hate the south?)


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## Pheonix (Oct 3, 2010)

hahaha great story, your not the worst hitch hikers cause everyone has days like that. I spent 24 hours of hell hitching thru Chicago from Gary,IN to Belvidere,IL (about 100 miles) and once spent 3 days trying to hitch out of Wall,SD (tourist trap from hell) before the sheriff finally gave me and my friend a ride to a truck stop.


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## MiztressWinter (Oct 3, 2010)

LOL! Well that's surely comforting. Yeah it took us a good while to get out of Birmingham, Alabama too. God damn you, Birmingham.


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## Doobie_D (Oct 3, 2010)

did this twitch fellow happen to have a dog named grimey?


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## MiztressWinter (Oct 3, 2010)

No, he owns no dog lol


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## Danielsama34 (Oct 4, 2010)

Awesome story... Any chance the taxi gave you your ten back or did he keep it?


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## MiztressWinter (Oct 4, 2010)

He gave it back =)


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## finn (Oct 4, 2010)

24 hours for 100 miles? I can bike faster than that! But hitching is only consistently good in a few areas, nice story for your troubles.


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## MiztressWinter (Oct 4, 2010)

Hahahaha yeah, it sucked undoubtedly. That's why I shared the story


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## Diagaro (Nov 24, 2010)

Yea I cannot count the times I have thought this same thing "we are the worst hitchhikers in history!" I'm so done with hitching, freight trains FTW!
kudos for the semi ride though I've never ridden in a semi


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## whaleofashrimp (Nov 24, 2010)

dude..hitching shitface is just retarded..but all i all defentitly not nearly even in the bad zone for storys..jus another day in the life


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## Storm Smokes Rocks (Aug 16, 2011)

great story!


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## Waygook (Aug 17, 2011)

haha good read.


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## acrata4ever (Aug 17, 2011)

my mom had an uncle/cousin einstein was inbred i really dont understand the stigma. if i was that annoyed traveling id take a plane or buy a car. expect the unexpected.


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## fleasandlice (Sep 4, 2011)

Im from columbus, ga. Waitin on some friends to get down here and scoop me up.


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