# How to choose an appropriate piss bottle (for guys)



## creature

Ok.. so, to tell you the truth, i nam 58, & i think i've sen a girl pee about 3 times in my life, & really not very completely, at that.. should give you an idea of my co-gender experience..
hence i know what a guy needs to effectively piss at 2 or 3 AM in a fucking van, since no one else is around & all you may have are sake' & water bottles to scramble through..

get something like "simply orange" or something with about a 2 1/2" diameter opening..
my dick, though it has temporal magic, is 6" or so long, however it is determined that these things are measured from..
i have other stuff way bigger, but.. it just processes what i piss.. & is hella more important, i suspect..

in any case, avoid jalapeno pepper bottles, unless drained & emptied;




creature said:


> & tonight??
> i *believe* i am pissing in a mason jar (homebum that i am) &* i mistake the large bottle of jalapenos (no shit!!) for my mason jar..
> 
> &...????
> 
> having dipped my dick therein???
> 
> i realize i am in * the wrong fucking jar *
> .
> & suddenly?
> 
> my dick lights up...
> 
> & is ignited,....



this is stuff to be carefull of..

before i was 35, i just used to piss out the door..
bro of mine told me how a piss bottle could save a little undue examination..

be carefull where you place it, 
make sure you don't mistake for Listerine or some such shit.. 

def *NOT* for jalapenos..

or listerine,. sonabitches.. def def def def not..

that shit sucks..

anyways..

humor, but keep yer piss bags identified..

for fuckin' sure..


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## LeeenPocket

Timm said:


> There is such thing as the "she wee" for the ladies.



The she wee is overrated and difficult to use in my opinion. Family Dollar sells multipurpose funnels with a nice curve. It works perfectly and is only a buck. Or a large cup from any fast food restaurant. Not as convenient as a bottle because you have to dump it immediately but it's better than having to get completely out of the car at night.


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## creature

LeeenPocket said:


> but it's better than having to get completely out of the car at night.



wait.. wait..

girls have the same ptoblem???


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## Satanic Botanic

Gatorade bottles are the best. Large capacity, large opening, and a secure lid. If you can't fit your dick in a gatorade bottle you might actually be a horse.


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## FromNowhere

GT Dave's Kombucha bottles work too. Just wide enough to accommodate the flow without any spillage. 16 ounces is typically enough, but sometimes I have to change bottles midstream. That's when you learn there truly is an art to everything. XD


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## Jerrell

I use one of those large Hawaiian Punch jugs. I can use it more than once before emptying it. I don't actually drink Hawaiian Punch, so I'm not going to mistake it for something I would.


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## Keystone Ice Kid

Favorite 30 oz Arizona. Apple juice can be good aesthetically but might run into smaller opening and or inferior cap.


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## Odin

FromNowhere said:


> GT Dave's Kombucha bottles work too. Just wide enough to accommodate the flow without any spillage. 16 ounces is typically enough, but sometimes I have to change bottles midstream. That's when you learn there truly is an art to everything. XD



Aren't those kombucha bottles glass?? I'd imagine having that fall and break somehow.

... when I was overseas had to use regular water bottle a few times which required good aim and urin control ffs...Gatorade bottles were a big improvement so tried to keep a few in my space at the tent.

I've thought in the past that it might be worth trying a large64 oz laundry bottle... but you might have to cut out the spout. Don't know if it would be worth the trouble.


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## creature

Odin said:


> might be worth trying a large64 oz laundry bottle...



Interesting..
Actually, if the funnel is wide enough, it might be usable?
More so for F's?

When I sleep in my van & have to go at night, I generally don't want to fumble for the light, or have to remove any more bedding than required, particularly in cold weather.

When it's nice out, whizzing under the stars can be a wee bit zennish, but when inclement, bedding back up can be a bitch, not to mention the etcetera..

That funnel (& jug handle) may help otherwise, too.


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## FromNowhere

Odin said:


> Aren't those kombucha bottles glass?? I'd imagine having that fall and break somehow.
> 
> ... when I was overseas had to use regular water bottle a few times which required good aim and urin control ffs...Gatorade bottles were a big improvement so tried to keep a few in my space at the tent.
> 
> I've thought in the past that it might be worth trying a large64 oz laundry bottle... but you might have to cut out the spout. Don't know if it would be worth the trouble.


Of course they are glass! Only a barbarian would pee into a plastic jug. I may be living in a van but I do have standards you know.


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## creature

Uhmm....

I thought *everyone* was a barbarian, here....

???

; )


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## Dameon

Not to insult anybody here, but this is pure laziness. I will happily rise out of my warm comfy sleeping bag and stumble off for a piss in the snow rather than piss in a bottle. All y'all do all y'all, but please warn people before picking them up in your piss van. I've gotten picked up in nasty-ass vans that stink like piss and have piss bottles hanging around, and would have rather walked. Even if you don't smell the piss because you've gotten used to the smell of your own piss, I will.


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## croc

Someone with a vagina reporting in: If you angle a bottle with a wide mouth (like those Arizona ones pictured above, Gatorade, etc) against your anatomy, you can totally pee in a bottle too. I've done it in cars. Obviously if you have time to prepare, grab a funnel or something as stated above to make it easier. But in a last minute situation that should work for you..... Make sure it's as clean as possible to avoid infections/unscented baby wipe yourself after.


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## croc

I'd also like to heavily discourage using gallon water jugs since the inside of the lip is sharp as fuck... Unless you're into that


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## creature

Dameon said:


> Not to insult anybody here, but this is pure laziness.



Guilty as charged, but the point is keeping the stuff contained..
I mean, a dedicated head is preferable, and I *think* reusability and effective emptying are among the merits desired.

I may be an old fuck, but I'm not quite Aqualung ; )

BTW, cool posts in the sailing section..


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## DrewSTNY

Since I generally end up in a hammock while traveling, I have not figured it the art of pissing in a bottle while in a hammock for certain. I can see where this works in a vehicle since I have had the privilege of pissing in a hospital bottle many years ago. There is something very satisfying about not having to get out of bed to relieve oneself in the dark of night. During summer months it generally decent weather, getting it off bed isn't bad, but in the cold, nope.


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## Sameer

Walmart.... These are cheap and I use them to make fruit punch Kool-Aid... After a while I use them for a piss bottle. You have to make sure that the little cap on the top is tightly closed! The lid screws on and off and they won't leak....


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## Satanic Botanic

Dameon said:


> Not to insult anybody here, but this is pure laziness. I will happily rise out of my warm comfy sleeping bag and stumble off for a piss in the snow rather than piss in a bottle. All y'all do all y'all, but please warn people before picking them up in your piss van. I've gotten picked up in nasty-ass vans that stink like piss and have piss bottles hanging around, and would have rather walked. Even if you don't smell the piss because you've gotten used to the smell of your own piss, I will.



Some call it lazy, I call it being efficient. Especially when you're city camping or in a public lot, you might have to walk a good lil distance to get out of sight. Not to mention having to get dressed. 

As per principle, I don't use piss bottles if I'm drunk or fucked up in any way. That's just asking for trouble. As long as you're putting your dick all the way in the bottle and maybe wiping off the edges once you're done, you shouldn't really have a smell.


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## Dameon

Satanic Botanic said:


> Some call it lazy, I call it being efficient. Especially when you're city camping or in a public lot, you might have to walk a good lil distance to get out of sight. Not to mention having to get dressed.


Been there, done that.


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## Odin

> Animal urine forms part of the nitrogen cycle. In balanced ecosystems it fertilizes soil and plants, which in turn continue to support the animal population. Some animals use it to mark their territories.



so far... yea if your bundled up its convienient to have a piss bottle but being neat and accurate is admirable.

also...learing to start n stop your wee wee on command is useful.
don't know how common an ability that is.

either way if you have ever swam at a public pool.... or crowded beach... your already probably..... a victim of ingesting trace amounts of scatological golden showers.

wtf...


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## Sameer

Dameon said:


> Not to insult anybody here, but this is pure laziness. I will happily rise out of my warm comfy sleeping bag and stumble off for a piss in the snow rather than piss in a bottle. All y'all do all y'all, but please warn people before picking them up in your piss van. I've gotten picked up in nasty-ass vans that stink like piss and have piss bottles hanging around, and would have rather walked. Even if you don't smell the piss because you've gotten used to the smell of your own piss, I will.


. When you get a certain age sometimes you have to piss two or three times in the middle of the night. You'll be there too! You piss in a bottle quickly and then go back to sleep. Even though I live on public land, BLM, I don't want to go outside at night and wake myself up, you know, Wide Awake. In the morning I dump the bottle and rinse it out with a cap full of bleach.... I only use a bottle in my van at night or when I'm traveling. The rest of the time I just piss outside. My van smells like Nag Champa incense. There is no smell from the bottle If you use a little bit of Common Sense.


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## Dameon

Sameer said:


> . When you get a certain age sometimes you have to piss two or three times in the middle of the night. You'll be there too!


I am there. I'm not exactly young. I'm up at least three times a night to take a leak, and I have no indoor pisser. Rain, shine, or snow I am out the door three times+ per night taking a leak. It was worse before I got the outhouse going, and it was rain, shine, or snow go out and dig a hole.


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## Sameer

Brother Dameon, you have more fortitude than I do!
I wouldn't go outside late at night because I would think that a pack of coyotes would look at me as food! Hahaha! And you are right! I also have a lazy streak!


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## anterrabae

coyotes typically only run around in 3s and 4s, and 99% of the time wont even consider Fing with men. 
Only reason to get nervous with coyotes is the rare occasion theres 5 or more in the vicinity.. and mostly just because thatll at least double the chances that one will come sniffing around for your scraps when youre asleep.

although theyre known to attack solo women or children from time to time, they are overall not much more a threat than a pack of raccoons or black bears.


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## Odin

ancient debris said:


> although theyre known to attack solo women or children from time to time, they are overall not much more a threat than a pack of raccoons or black bears.



As a layman I['ve herd black bears are a bit more chill... but on the same level of racccoons>>>>??? interesting thought


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## anterrabae

I wouldnt say that, cous, because obviously it is entirely subject to change based on the situation.. but if you asked me on a scale of 1 to ten how tight my asshole would clench if I ran across a blackbear and I WAS NOT preparing a meal just then.. yes it would be the same as all thise times I woke up with a racoon growling in my face or the time a pack of them had me surrounded and I felt it necessary to pull out the knife... eh, a 3.



dogs on the other hand. thats when its time to be on your guard. stray dogs are their own class of home bum


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## Odin

ancient debris said:


> yes it would be the same as all thise times I woke up with a racoon growling in my face or the time a pack of them had me surrounded and I felt it necessary to pull out the knife... e



yea we deff got em on the roofs.... i try smart but I iffor peace then... if next measures... ... but mostly 
... peace
uy

;


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## anterrabae

So to not be off topic: Being that I am young, an emergency piss is rare, and I think there has been no more than a couple of times I needed to get it done without stepping out of the vehicle. More frequently its been riding through suburbia on a train and never knowing when the next intersection is going to pop out of knowhere and suddenly youre pissing on peoples hoods.

In those occasions I always found a way to make it work, without a bottle. Although laying down to piss is incredibly slow going. Your body just wont relax for it in that position.. when your moving.


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## Sameer

Ancient Debris... Good information, brother. You would think that after squatting on public land for the last 6 years I wouldn't have any trepidation about going outside late at night. Here in Ehrenberg I can hear the coyotes howl and that's enough to keep me inside at night. Haha! Comes from growing up Urban I think, less than a mile from downtown LA. When I do go out I am convinced I'm seeing glowing eyes watching me and it is not what I'm smoking. Hahaha!


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## Grubblin

OK, wait! This can't be a serious thread can it? It's got to be satire that I can't understand due to current level of smoked outednessesness! I'll have to read again when not so many brain cells are sleeping.


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## LazyMofo

Satanic Botanic said:


> Gatorade bottles are the best. Large capacity, large opening, and a secure lid. If you can't fit your dick in a gatorade bottle you might actually be a horse.



Came here to say this. Gatorade bottles are God's gift at 2:51 A.M. for those whizzes in the wee early morn


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## creature

@Gubbin ... Honestly?
I wasn't being satirical, so much as I was being merely inane..

I cleaned my van out, & that evening found i dinna a reservoir..
Having to pee into a tiny holed glass bottle in the dark was (as it has been before) an act requiring caution & a bit of bit of dexterity..
After finishing, I said "O Shit!!", & remembered I had a large OJ bottle, that I merely needed to finish, in order to provide for the next episode.
This, in turn, reminded me of when I accidentally stuck my dick into a jar of jalapeño juice (which is definitely *not* a good bottle, unless you get off on being branded, or shit like that..)

Had I been speaking of the best way to bag & dispose of actual crap, perhaps I would have sounded a bit *less* tongue in cheek, or a bit more as if I had my finger up my ass, but @Odin 's suggestion of a laundry bottle is so utilitarian that it actually merits experimentation, and will in fact be put to the test.

Inane intentions or not, that bit of a score of practical reasoning was certainly worth the thread...


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## Wild Ty Laserbeam

If you think pissing in a bottle is gross or pointless, you're on the wrong thread. There are many situations where it makes perfect sense.

I prefer"simply" juice bottles. Hold 3 or 4 pisses, fairly large mouth, clear so your know what's in it. 

Do y'all really put your dick INSIDE the bottle? Not to brag but I would need a pretty large bottle mouth. Also that sounds kinda dirty. I use a headlamp so I can see, get close without touching, and aim it in.

My girl uses on of these.





Big mouth, good capacity, tight screw lid, 3ish bucks at Walmart.


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## Odin

creature said:


> but @Odin 's suggestion of a laundry bottle is so utilitarian that it actually merits experimentation, and will in fact be put to the test.
> 
> Inane intentions or not, that bit of a score of practical reasoning was certainly worth the thread...


'
wow... glad I made some sense... yea a big plus is your not likely to drink outa laundry bottle... unlike juice or Gatorade bottles... specially if your intoxicated... 

give it a go and see how it rolls for the wee wee l


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## RoadFlower33

I drink my urine, its sterile and I like the taste.


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## Grubblin

I have a wide mouth nalgene that I kept extra AA batteries in. One time the batteries got hot and exploded leaking acid all over. I use that bottle, the wash it every so often with bleach and boiling water. If you can't fit inside a wide mouth nalgene you have something to brag about - or maybe you need to get that checked out?! 

I've often thought that if I were going to buy a nalgene to use specifically for this purpose it would be a glow in the dark one. I keep the bottle in the same place in the truck but a glow in the dark would be a plus for the 3am urges. I don't have the bread to buy a pissgene though.


I don't just use a bottle at night bc I'm lazy, although it's a lazy option. I'm an insomniac, it's always pretty bad, sometimes worse than others. If I get up and get moving enough to get out and take a leak I may not go back to sleep for three hours, if at all - especially if it's cold.

I'm constantly surprised at the topics on this site and after being here so long I shouldn't be.


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## anterrabae

Wild Ty Laserbeam said:


> Big mouth, good capacity, tight screw lid, 3ish bucks at Walmart.


know what else I found at walmart?


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## Longfoxbrock

Ive always been a fan of the larger arrowhead water bottles. Good diameter for the pecker, when I was driving truck, they were easy enough to use without pulling over, although cruise control was a huge help.


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## Overgrown

Laundry detergent bottles are great for this use, wide mouthed, has a handle and if you leave a little bit of detergent in the bottle it will help contain the smell, swap out for a new bottle every so often depending on how much laundry you do.


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## Urbicide

Use a 5 gallon jug so you wont have to change it out for months at a time


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## Keystone Ice Kid

More fun to drink than laundry soap


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## creature

Well, @Odin hit it right, since he suggested the laundry bottle, first..
Field testing confirms, so he wins a prize..

Something good, from the next dumpster dive.


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