# would someone please run over me with a fucking truck?



## creature (Jul 17, 2016)

or a backhoe...

or something simply large.. & slow... & destructive..?

oh.. wait..

God is already fucking doing that to me.. it's just... it's just...

an ***invisible*** backhoe...

Holy fuck.. my last reasonable rants were from back in March, before hitting the Lizard Tree Library..

Cornelius, Caveman.. may you both be well & healthy..

At that point I was planning (haHAhahahHHAAAaHHHAAAA...ghhah.. hgrgkjahha...) on doing some work there (accomplished) & then heading north to find work, again..

now, mind you, this follows on the tails of having *found* a decent job, but being stuck with a fucking sociopath, but that's another story altogether.. but.. for the moment, i'll take it from the library, i guess..

Natasha Velvet & i had decided to do a road trip after leaving there, & it turned into a rather long string of adventures, with the Library as the first of them all.. 
Brittany, her BF.. heading to alska.. John (aka mr. tuna..) & ah, yes.. we pick up Germ & Sam.. 

anyways.. if things go reasonable.. haahhaggrkk.. 
excuse me.. reasonably well ... grhkk.. from here on in, i may get to detail them a little bit..

after leaving the library, getting out of the desert was a *bitch*.. 
sometimes systems don't fail until you really stress them, & well.. there were a number of them that decided they needed to communicate their mortality, simultaneously..

cooling system components, itake gasket & harmonic balancer, in particulars..

anyways..

Natasha & i crossed the desert from Niland to Barstow at about 25 mph for some pretty damn long stretches, pouring H20 into the radiator every 10 or 15 miles.. i do a couple of pressure flushes & some sealant & the van seems to be operational, for the most part.. 
we head up to Lake Isabella & hang for a few days, look at puppies, generally farting around, checking stuff out & more or less enjoying the landing before relaunching north..

was it.. Atascadaro.... ? nope.. San luis Obis.. we pick up Mouse & Nacho..
you guys, if you read this, hit one of us up..
we camp for a few day, eat really well, play frisbee & my fucking teeth fall out..

sa la fucking vie..

we drop the two of them off in.. santa cruz?

Natasha hangs there for a while with some friends, we connect on & off for a few weeks, & then head up ti oregon.. (to be detailed later, hopefully)..
i drop natasha off for her to do some hospicing for a friend who is exiting, but..
as i understand it, he was/is doing his best to accelerate the process while making others know he really, really, really doesn't *want* to go, & they should be made to feel bad about it, too.. as if they dinna, enough...

anyways... i had a line on a job in WA.. a good one.. union wages. long term, etc.. the kind of thing that could really recharge the system in its entirety..
this was right around the first week of june.. 

unfortunately my teeth are fucking missing AND my hearing (without which i am nearly fucking deaf) craps out.. i do not have the materials to make new teeth (yes, i make my own), because i swallowed (yes, fucking swallowed) the pair i made on the road in santa cruz..

this is not a good thing..

i make another pair, though kind of shitty, but passable for an emergency & head to the interview..
i probably could have pulled it off, but.. i get to the interview & the guy who owns the company turns out to be not only *soft spoken*, but from West Africa, also, so he has an accent which is pretty soft on a lot of consonants.. i can barely fucking hear him..

normally i ace my fucking interviews..

this one?

at least i was able to crawl from the wreckage..

i had gambled a lot on it, teeth hearing be damned..

not, however, without a backup plan..

anybody here remember Charley??

the son of a bitch who owed me $10,000 in unpaid wages?
well.. fuck.. you know.. if i had been fucking paid?
i would have my fucking boat. or at least still be on the west coast..
in any case, he had, by then, over the course of a year, dribbled me about 4 grand of it..
better than nothing, & he admits he owes me the other 6, but is (of course) also continually pleading poverty..
understandable, actually, to a certain extent..
in any case we have a standing deal.. if i need a place to crash long term, i can use his debt against it as prorated equity.

i trust him at least this much..

especially since.. well.. nevermind that, let's just say.. well.. let's not.. i'll detail that later.. suffice it to say some enemy bombers were shot out of the sky, & hopefully charlie doesn't run out dig them out of their fucking craters.. he is, in fact, a pretty good guy, but he schemes way, way, way too fucking much..

sooo.. i call it in..
i am owed 6 fucking grand, & i want a fucking place to sit down & fucking write..

i have been intending to write for a long, long, long fucking time..
i have been intending to fill people in..
but it's a bit tough when moving, & thinking that the sit down is always right around the corner..

so.. i leave for north dakota on about.. june 12?
i dunno..

STP Prometheus?? Claire?? when did i pick you guys up???

wel.. the cooling system acts up, again.. i pick prometheus & claire up in.. right.. right!! not seaside, but.. or hell, maybe it was seaside, OR.. i went south again to see connect with natasha before she returned east to finish some things up.. 
prom & claire were at the side of the road for.. 2 days?
i drove by them on the way in in the morning, not sure which direction i was actually going, thinking they'd get a ride, in any case, wound up coming back that afternoon about 4ish, had 'em jump in & we developed a strategy.. they were heading to minneapolis, & i was taking US 2 east.. the northerly route is a bit less busy, but it is super pretty.. we camp here & there a few days & then get underway, but in idaho the cooling system gives up the ghost, despite the new water pump i put in, down in the bay, a couple of weeks previously..
we we still on the washington side when i tried to put in a new fan clutch.. that was def a problem, even in the desert, but every time i ordered the part (3 fucking times!!) it was either the wrong one or delayed.. i jerry rigged the clutch a few times, which helped, but just not enough..

i really want to avoid having to put in a radiator, because the van is a 6.5 diesel & the right radiator is a bitch to find used (oil & trans cooler lines, with oversized fittings) & costs 300 fucking dollars.. sooo..
i replace the water pump, it had failed.. i return the old & yep.. the new one makes a difference, but not enough.. i also bite it & replace the fan clutch.. i pressure flush the system at least 5 times.. each helps a little, but.. not enough.. just before the new fan clutch i tell prometheus & claire that it's probably a few days before i split.. maybe more, if i have to put in a new radiator, since nobody has one used..
anyways.. ordered on a friday, got it tues morning, back on the road by noon..
the temperature gauge so flat i thought it was broken, until i hit the mountains, & even then it barely moved..

soo.. we had a good trip.. even if they had to split.. 
i hope they made it well.. : )

in any case i slide into ND on.. june 24th..

now.. Socrates said "there is a little voice that talks to me, & it is never wrong. It doesn't tell me what to do, but what *not* to do, and it has yet to err."

my voice isn't a fucking voice..
my voice is a goddamned struggle between my rational will & the circumstances which existence presents..

i *wish* i had a little voice in my head that said "hey bro.. you are about to fuck up mightily..don't fucking do it".

but no.

*i* have a voice *outside* my fucking head that doesn't tell me a damn fucking thing, until it starts beating me to a fucking pulp.. 

it doesn't *tell* me what not to do..
it just doesn't let me..

unless i fucking fight..

ultimately i perceive existence to be something which *should* be rational..
"OK.. you don't want me to go to North Dakota??
could you just speak in fucking *english*, instead of nearly destroying my vehicle???"

that sort of thing..

& honestly?

the voice that beats the pulp out of me is never, ever, ever, *ever* fucking wrong..

suffice it to say that i *think* i am going to north dakota to have some time to myself, to catch up on stuff (such as this little item right here), look for a job back west, & *maybe* do some work on the side to save up enough cash for whatever trip is next.. the work season is back on, & frankly, if i can get what i'm owed plus my working wage, i'm down for it..

on the day i fucking land.. the very same afternoon, i am on the job.. fine.. the next 4 days, too... fine..
then there is other bullshit, & i find that when i *think* i have time to settle down, the next fucking moment there is fucking something else to deal with.. 

yesterday was the kicker.. i am NOT a fucking cad jockey.. i'm a field tech.
i work outside with just enough know-how to fix shit inside or get what i need to head out.. no more, no less..
charlie somehow decides i am now going to help him draft, & I HATE FUCKING AUTOCAD...

it takes a LOT.. a fucking *****LOT***** to go mout of your way & make software SHITTIER THAN MICROSOFT... holy FUCK... ****SHITTIER**** than goddamned fucking microsoft..

but fucking autodesk has fucking done it..

it is like a goddamned negative fucking miracle..

it is do fucking horrible, atrocious, useless, buggy, defective, painfull & intentionaly crippled for the sake of profit that it is almost actually beautifull...

almost..

i mean, i can understand a little BDSM, but not from my fucking drafting software, ok?

in any case, autodesk charges *thousands* of fucking dollars for the privilege of letting them stick a goddamned flaming fucking sword up your ass, so i've always gone the *other* route, & *avoided* them.. 

suffice it to say i am asked to perform some simple tracing work & think "ok.. how bad can it be..? this is a brand new i-7 system with 8 gigs & a fresh install.."

little do i fucking know just how fucking convoluted version 17 is..

after 8 hours of trying to do what should have taken 15 fucking minutes AND having to hear bitching AND knowing that i am not going to get paid for any of it, AND the system completely fucking crashing during a simple graphics import, i kind of belly up..
i don't mind helping, but this is just *another* instance of things being fucked up because of bad decisions & me winding up holding a pot of somebody *else's* shit..

anyways.. i woke up yesterday morning thinking "OK!! time to write!!" got this request from charley & then wound up in bed at 9 fucking PM with a head full of shit..

and that brings us to 6:30 AM, central time, july 17, 2016..

for the moment..

there is a lot fucking more, but there is a lot fucking *more* to do, too..


anyways.. i am going to try & get some of it done..

hopefully whatever emergency happens today will only take 15 minutes to fix..
that's about what i have to spare..

i have so much shit to do it isn't funny..

not just the writing of 6 or 7 long ass letters, either..
i need to get the van fucking ready.. if i can get enough together to make the jambo, i will..
that's still in the air..

matt should be on his way before to long, & if i can get even half of what i'm owed.. well.. who fucking knows?

anyways.. that's it..

i'm sorry i've been out of touch, but i've always thought my sitdown was just a week or so away, & i've been in a pretty bad fucking funk, most of the time, & it's hard to write when that's the headspace..

matt, zim, tude, cornielus, john, mike, kevin, voodoo, odin..

i'll hit you guys up..

that's the update for the moment.. hope yer all well..

hopefully i get my shit together, here & either split or make something of it..

talk to you soon,


john


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## Tude (Jul 17, 2016)

::woot:: well, good to hear from you  I got yer shells, stones and sea glass! Yay!!! Also - I PM'd you ---- I may be making my way to the slabs for the jamboree!!!


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## Matt Derrick (Jul 17, 2016)

well, good to know you're okay at least! sounds like a lot of bullshit to go through though.


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## bystander (Jul 17, 2016)

you check with 1800-Radiator? keystone also sells radiators. Should be a little cheaper!

Little trick I picked up with working for dealers is - if you go into a parts store ask tell them you work for some local car dealer & if you get a discount. My friends have done it & I've done it in another city when we needed to fix my friends beater to get home. Most chain parts stores dont give a fuck & have no fuckin' way to check if you really work there.

"my names Jack & I work over at Don Miller Dodge- do I get a discount?

whatcha do?

express lube

..ahhh yea no problem."

gets you cost on parts & if they say no (so be it or) tell 'em thats cool i'll go somewhere else cuz theyre cheaper I just was told we get a discount here. 

Good luck my friend.


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## Deleted member 20 (Jul 17, 2016)

I think we were all like what the fuck happened to @creature & his rant style of posts. I have been filling in as best as I can with my rants but it just isnt the same, around here.. Glad to her that you are well. I can understand the whole stories highs & lows but I gotta ask. Who the fuck makes their own false teeth? Anyway, im glad that you are still fighting the good fight.


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## Rob Nothing (Jul 18, 2016)

cool to see an update. you don't know me but incase it aint obvious I dig your writing, sooo .. wishing you the best. *thumbs*


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## Deleted member 20 (Jul 26, 2016)

Did I miss something? I dont think creatures thread had anything to do with France. Did I not read between the lines enough? I think it was a honest sentiment of frustration, considering his round of luck lately.


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