Trapped in a prison of my mind. (1 Viewer)

D

deleted user

I deleted myself
I'm sorry if this in the wrong section. I seem to keep on making reasons to never leave. I am not sure if I'm just scared or if maybe I just like having reasons to be angry with my circumstances. I think I'm turning into a local homebum. :( I feel a need to find others like me it's what helped me find STP. I have a need for attention like a child's. I wander around this city. Talking to strange people. Only to find I'm not like them. I can't go back to working like I used to, I hate the public. The way they treat me. Like I'm less of a person cause they pay me to cook there food or do there chores what is it about me where I feel like I'm less then they are because I have to work for them. I get frustrated with my lover because she doesn't understand why I walk to the other side of town and get drunk or stoned and just pass out and not come "home". I'm kinda like a wild pet to her. I have and do like to travel but it's not the Same as before . When I left here before. I was never going to come back. When I came back I was to leave asap and yet I keep meeting people we make plans to leave then they fall through. So I stay and then I meet some one new and I still have the same plan but we have to wait till they are ready. Years pass and I still haven't left. My cowardice at not just leaving alone is justified. I know because the world is unforgiving and harsh when you make mistakes. I know I like being alone but can not deal with loneliness. Idk. Anyone else kinda trapped by what they know and what they think they know? Does your inner voice assault you with the pros and cons of your situation?
 
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roguetrader

Vagabond
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Messages
466
Location
Exeter, United Kingdom
my life is pretty sorted buddy but i'm still full of doubt and questions all the fucking time - when you live the straight 'normal' life, your path is pretty much mapped out for you - but if you try and live an alternative existence its a lot harder to know what exactly you are trying to achieve... just saying 'I hate society' i'm gonna run away and get wasted in fun new towns doesn't really cut it for me anymore, mainly cos i've got a teenage daughter who needs a positive role model in life....

the only suggestion i can give you is that if you don't feel you can take the plunge and leave town forever then what about a few short term trips ? at least you'll be doing something in the right direction.....
 

GinGin

Pilgrim
Joined
Apr 15, 2013
Messages
53
Location
Secret City, Massatwoshits
I'm sorry if this in the wrong section. I seem to keep on making reasons to never leave. I am not sure if I'm just scared or if maybe I just like having reasons to be angry with my circumstances. I think I'm turning into a local homebum. :( I feel a need to find others like me it's what helped me find STP. I have a need for attention like a child's. I wander around this city. Talking to strange people. Only to find I'm not like them. I can't go back to working like I used to, I hate the public. The way they treat me. Like I'm less of a person cause they pay me to cook there food or do there chores what is it about me where I feel like I'm less then they are because I have to work for them. I get frustrated with my lover because she doesn't understand why I walk to the other side of town and get drunk or stoned and just pass out and not come "home". I'm kinda like a wild pet to her. I have and do like to travel but it's not the Same as before . When I left here before. I was never going to come back. When I came back I was to leave asap and yet I keep meeting people we make plans to leave then they fall through. So I stay and then I meet some one new and I still have the same plan but we have to wait till they are ready. Years pass and I still haven't left. My cowardice at not just leaving alone is justified. I know because the world is unforgiving and harsh when you make mistakes. I know I like being alone but can not deal with loneliness. Idk. Anyone else kinda trapped by what they know and what they think they know? Does your inner voice assault you with the pros and cons of your situation?
Honestly dude I'm in the same boat as yourself. And i wish i could tell you i knew what to do in your situation, but i don't as i've been in a similar predicament myself for the last few years. I came back to my hometown and it was always supposed to be "in another year" or "after winter" but plans would always fall through eventually. Lesson learned: dont rely on anybody for your happiness.
The only thing i can say is, if you're like me with weighing the pros and cons, is that don't let your assessment of the risks and rewards of your action/inaction stop you from making a choice. In other words if traveling is what you really want to do, don't let life pass you by. You'll just end up like a lot of "normal" people who wish they did more with their lives when they could. Then again you could wind up regretting everything like the grasshopper who didn't prepare for the winter.

Tbh i feel like regret will always be a big part in life no matter the choice, the human life span is way too small and fragile to fully experience everything we want in this life as we wish and expect, so honestly the only thing we can do is filter what we want and don't want in life. So if you don't like whats on just turn the channel. But don't just sit there waiting for something better to come on, cause something always will. IT just might not be the best thing for you. Kinda rambly cuz im stoned af right now but i hope this helps.
-Gin
 
OP
D

deleted user

I deleted myself
Right rick and morty. Feel like my life is like i am playing Roy. I need to stop going back to the carpet Shoppe after cancer
 

Ahnya Rysm

Newbie
Joined
Sep 10, 2013
Messages
10
Age
43
Location
Yuma, Arizona
Sometimes you just have to go for shit. You can't wait for others. The world isn't as harsh as you think. That thought is paralyzing in itself. If it were that harsh, this site would be called, assimilate the planet...
 

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