I deleted myself
I'm sorry if this in the wrong section. I seem to keep on making reasons to never leave. I am not sure if I'm just scared or if maybe I just like having reasons to be angry with my circumstances. I think I'm turning into a local homebum. I feel a need to find others like me it's what helped me find STP. I have a need for attention like a child's. I wander around this city. Talking to strange people. Only to find I'm not like them. I can't go back to working like I used to, I hate the public. The way they treat me. Like I'm less of a person cause they pay me to cook there food or do there chores what is it about me where I feel like I'm less then they are because I have to work for them. I get frustrated with my lover because she doesn't understand why I walk to the other side of town and get drunk or stoned and just pass out and not come "home". I'm kinda like a wild pet to her. I have and do like to travel but it's not the Same as before . When I left here before. I was never going to come back. When I came back I was to leave asap and yet I keep meeting people we make plans to leave then they fall through. So I stay and then I meet some one new and I still have the same plan but we have to wait till they are ready. Years pass and I still haven't left. My cowardice at not just leaving alone is justified. I know because the world is unforgiving and harsh when you make mistakes. I know I like being alone but can not deal with loneliness. Idk. Anyone else kinda trapped by what they know and what they think they know? Does your inner voice assault you with the pros and cons of your situation?