Teenage Runaway

[indighost]

Hi I'm Ami and I don't want to stay at home anymore. I just want to get out and try my chances elsewhere because I don't think I can take living at home any longer. I'm from L.A. so if anyone's down on taking me anywhere really please message me! Since I am a runaway I would have to get picked up on a very specific time and place. If not then I'll just use the old thumb trick~ Tips would be awesome too, since this would be my first time.

 

[Kal]

I hope you can wait until you are 18. Please be safe.

 

[Deleted member 20]

Do you think talking to one of the girls here may help sway your decision. I am sure that whatever it is that you are going thru that someone here has also had to deal with similar issues. If its abuse that you are dealing with than it wont matter if you run for millions of miles, you will be carrying those repressed memories with you forever. I cant preach to anyone as I have screwed my own life since I was a young teen & now have an adult child & a 10 year old who I havent been father of the year material on both attempts. Its easy for me blame my biological parents for abandoning me at birth & my dysfunctional family that raised me. The reality is that people are all trying to do their best & struggle with character defects, substance abuse and more. I wont beat myself up for not being the best dad anymore than I will blame my multiple parents for being so screwed up. It took me decades to come to grips with my role in everything & being able to forgive others & forgive myself. I hate to see a young girl heading out into this shithole of a world before shes ready. There are plenty of people who do lots of bad stuff to teen runaways that I am sure you know about. Whatever you are running away from must be really bad to put yourself at such grave risk out on the road. Peace Be safe, dont die!

 

[Deleted member 20]

http://www.1800runaway.org/

 

[Kim Chee]

Maybe better to find a different place than where you are...but definitely not on the street. Take care of yourself. Do you have other family who can take you in and provide a stable place while you finish school?

 

[Tude]

Heh - what @highwayman said - and first off my tips would be to stay in school and tough it out of course - but mostly be prepared. I know that people here have left home and never looked back due to problems and such (or they just really wanted to travel) - but really look in the many subforums - especially on equipment and preparation type stuff. Read some of their stories. Get your self prepped up - better to be that way than under prepared and not knowing what to expect. Some of these people here have lost their equipment - or just everything and then what do you do - some of them have and knew what to do. There are also agencies that can help with home issues. I have the Center for Youth a couple blocks from me that have 10 or 12 beds (I've seen some kids sleeping out in their sleeping bags on the steps before they opened for the day) but they also have access to lots of other agencies that can help and reach out to teens with problems. Actually there are several of these types of agencies around the US. Saw the link somewhere - will backtrack and try and find that again and save the link to STP. Good luck and stay safe!

Oh and @mmmmmmmichael is right as well.

 

[Deleted member 125]

I've said it before and instead of saying use the search bar which you won't do, I'll just say it again. Like everyone else has said wait until yer 18! Traveling with a minor puts you and whoever else you are with at risk, so as far as I'm concerned anyone willing to risk that is not somebody you want to be around in the first place. Not everybody with a backpack is a nice person. There's weirdos out there who I'm sure would pick you up and that's that, I'm not trying to scare you but that's the truth. Work yer shit out at home, stay with other family or friends of family.

Nobody here is trying to sound like yer parent and I know a lot of us can relate to not being to happy with our folks when we were younger, but getting busted 3 days after leaving then spending the rest of the time until yer 18 in Juvi isn't worth it.

 

[Tude]

I just tried to give @cantcureherpes a "times 100" on his input, could only give one like but he knows

 

[WolfyKid]

Hi I'm Ami and I don't want to stay at home anymore. I just want to get out and try my chances elsewhere because I don't think I can take living at home any longer. I'm from L.A. so if anyone's down on taking me anywhere really please message me! Since I am a runaway I would have to get picked up on a very specific time and place. If not then I'll just use the old thumb trick~ Tips would be awesome too, since this would be my first time.

Nah homie you don't want to pull that shit. I tried a few months back ( I won't go into details ) traveled the midwest, and got caught by the cops right outside of chicago and spent the next few months in 2 juvie's, house arrest, and probation. Either tough it out or have a good fucking plan as to where you're going.

 

[West]

The public education system is a bunk hoop we jump through but the piece of paper isn't COMPLETELY useless in some realms of society. Sticking it out in school may be wise. I did, with great fucking contempt.

Also, I've met a lot of homeless street kids and travelers who are minors and they tend to get in really shitty situations because of their age and lack of experience. If you're dead set on leaving find someone you can trust and stick to em. Bring a knife and pepper spray and wear the openly. Don't tell people you're a runaway because that obligates them to inform the authorities. Keep away from big cities, especially conservative ones. I would suggest hiking and camping over hitchhiking or train hopping alone.

Wish you the best of luck, stay safe and be wise

 

[Deleted member 2626]

wow no asinine comments. well how about this. did mom and dad not let you go out at a time you wanted or turn off your cell phone because your racking up the bill that they pay for? whats the reasoning behind wanting to leave home? I always did at a young age but I'm a romantic and my parent's just weren't gonna stand around and watch me fuck up and get away with it. If I wanted to drop out of school-go ahead, you can't live here, so I graduated. If you wanna live at home then too your gonna work. I wasn't allowed to fail school either, pass or no privileges. my dad could be strict for common shit but damn did he instill some freaking good and gave me freedom do other things that came along with being a generally good kid. Like the time I left a shotgun in my truck at school and got OSS for ten days.
ha

 

[Johnny P]

Kids these days are spoiled and seem to whine and bitch when they don't get their way.

 

[creature]

well..

the truth is, Ami, if things are really bad, but you're not being subjected to *physical* abuse?
do something other than run away..

there's certainly other abuse, and if not abuse than just the consequences of people being so unable to deal with the fucked-upness of their lives that their kids get the consequences of it, also..

i am not going to say it would not be good, if you *could*, but since you *can't*?

well.. assuming.. just assuming.. you're "merely" dealing with things like invasion of your personal space, disregard for your personal beliefs, manic impatience from people who have little or no control over anything they can do, except to try & control *you* in such a way as makes them feel that they are mitigating the *blame* (i hope people hear that word, because it is a good & real one) the *blame*.. the responsibility to acknowledge that they have screwed up **immensely**, and that whatever fall out comes from it is *their* fault, first & *not* a consequence of others not being able to deal with things precipitated by *their* faults..
if they try divest *their* guilt (yes, guilt) by accentuating *your* flaws (real or perceived) in order to feel that who they are & what they believe is somehow more valid or in some way less fucked up, then since you *cannot* Get The Fuck Out, you need to find a way to deal with it.

however old you are, it's a bitch, because there are *always* people trying to force you into their faith, before they will say

"Holy shit!!! look at how fucking fucked up i am!! is ***anything*** i'm saying rational or right or even *truthfull*??"

& sadly, running away does no good at all, although it *may* be true that traveling does...

i am going to just poke a little bit at the screwed-upness that you may be dealing with..
now, it is *always* the case that kids & parents toss some pretty nasty flack at each other..
this is one of the great things about being an *American* kid.. or European.. or from a nation which practices some form consensual government which allows for personal dissent..
the possibility exists to hate the guts of the people you love most, & to *tell* it to them, & for them to continue to love each other, still..

if people can't take you telling them to go fuck themselves, they neither truly respect you nor love you nor care for you..

you need to avoid people like that.. if you scream at them & they say "oh!! you are such a bad, bad girl !!", but don't listen to what the fuck you are saying, even if it takes them time, then they are just assholes, & you don't need to worry about anything they do or say or think as important enough to have any real bearing on your life..

but.. if you *can* scream at each other, & go away crying or exasperated &/or hurt & wondering how they can possibly say shit they say, & then *think* about it, since it seems so fucking important to them to force the issues to where that kind of anger is necessary?

& then, thinking about it trying to approach them again, with a little more hope, & maybe a little more deference (since they are *family*.. or good, deep, friends.. ) & you can *kind* of make up slowly, because you know, really, that you love each other..?

well..

then *that* is what freedom is about, sister..

be glad you aren't in a fundamentalist state, or a 90% religious or political monolithic nation state, because those fuckers either exclude you, persecute you, punish you or kill you...
it is bad enough in the fucking US, as wonderfull as she is, & as badly as there are those whom will not simply *participate* in the subjugation of others, but *accept* it in a wishy-washy offhand sort of manner..

so.. there are 5 things, at least, which you need to do, if your situation is one where folks are stepping on you..
there may be more, or maybe the ones i mention can be discarded... i dunno..
this is yer life, you decide & learn... but, in no real order, except that # 4 (yes.. after editing, # 4..)
is super, super important..

1) be an unrepentant bitch in the proclamation of your identity..

if people say shit that makes you feel small, with the *intent* of making you feel small?
you tell them;
"go fuck yourself"
" i know i am *good*, and that is the single most important thing in goddamnerd life!!"
(ask me, if you want a rant on what goodness is, although it can be defined in a single, reasonably objective word..)

the point here is not to drive people to want to make life harder for you, but just to define what the limits are as far as the actions which they can take that have any truly meaningifull mutual relevance..

this does not mean you say "fuck you, YOU do the dishes, i want to listen to music (unless you are being told to do dishes or vacuum or crawl up on the goddamned roof or pick up a shitload of garbage because they don't *like* the music you are listening to...)

it simply means that you try to assess how you are being treated, & see if it makes sense in any *reasonable* context of fairness..
you have to truly look, there, & be honest & be fair, because when you tell people to go fuck themselves, friends family, lovers or not, you draw lines... those lines don't become *undrawn*.. they just become statements about yourself, & you have to deal with what comes from them..

you have a *right* to those lines, however, and anyone who gets pissed at you for *drawing* them, when you *believe* you should & can't reconcile with you, after the fact (unless it is over issues of truly human rights & concerns.. slavery, gender equality, fair wages, inviolable entry, etc..) can go fuck themselves..
at that point things resolve into issues of right & wrong, & unless pacifism (which it very well may be) is the philosophical vehicle which carries the greatest primary validity, then the relationship with assholes of that order is essentially one of war.

make sure you stand your ground in relation to whatever *unselfish* faith you hold, because the ultimate schism is existence is self & selflessness..

you fight that fight in yourself, & fight it honestly, & things we can only hope are true may actually align themselves with us..



soo...

number 2) --- lose yerself.. but lose yerself usefully..

find something you love..
music, photography, reading, writing, math, art, medicine, thought, volunteering..

something that allows you to discover & define yourself..
& something that helps you put aside dwelling upon the injustices you perceive yourself to be subjected to..
do not allow the criticisms of others to diminish you by giving them undue weight simply because they are said to you by whom you care for..
or wish you could care for, more..

it's very often best to turn to yourself for discovery, rather than others, because often all you find in commiseration is the waste of time which repeated agreements & reiteration of alinements produces..
there's no point in going over bad shit again & again & again, so if you journey towards friendship in the process of self-reconciliation, make sure you extend yourself towards others whom are also trying to find & express & actualize themselves creatively, also...

there is no better antidote for suppression, than growth...

3... & you've heard this before, & you'll prolly hear it again & again & again...
------school work--------

now.. don't get me wrong..
being stuck in an institutional environment which can strongly resemble prison is *not* something you should just sit & take..

but don't throw everything out, either..

highschool is really a lot more politically active than when i was a student.. search around & see what there is for you to involve yourself with that has some harmony with what you actually enjoy..
there's the usual involvements.. things you know of, but ask around & see if there are others that may appeal to you..
hell..
you know.. if you like science or phys-ed or *anything*, you could probably approach a teacher & see if they might want help with some aspect of class.. lab preparation, maybe test checking, etc... these are just ideas, but the point is to try & use the time that you *must* be educated as the *system* demands, that you have as much input to it as can be had.
after you are *out* of school, unless you decide that you want post-secondary ed, there are a hell of a lot of ways to learn, far more effectively than being driven down a process to produce 'recognized' results..

the whole fucking monster of institutional education & indoctrination is probably the most fucked up thing that humans do to each other, & of course being the fucked up creatures that we are, we make sure we do it whom we can, as early as possible...

in any case, make sure you use the time that you *must* be in school as well as you can..

believe me, even if it doesn't work out the way you like, learning from trying will give you a lot of knowledge, & will hone your independence..
the critical thing is to make sure that you don't let others (teachers, guidance counselors, principals, etc.) flake out & say "well we can't *do* anything else.. you just keep on trying, & keep on learning, if only on your own, & you'll be able to answer for yourself..

the critical thing is to *never give up learning*...
that's a super conditional statement, & if you ever get to the point where you need clarification.. where yer really *sick* of learning
well .. let me know..
i suspect you'll have found, by then, that learning is really a means of experiencing, so that straightforward awareness & the act of study may seem to be one in the same...

in any case, LEARN.
& i mean learn good, rational, verifiable, usefull stuff..
beware of letting yourself mistake imagination as fact, just because of possibilities..
you are just as responsible for your conclusions as you are for your actions...


ok.. & here's # 4...

i know i may very well take a crapload of flack for it, stating it the way i do, but you ask any 20 moms who has a kid, where the father has either bailed or is a fuck-off, 18 of them will tell you that, other than the love they have for their child, they would have done things differently..
they probably never would have fucked the asshole who is the father, if they knew he was going to goddamned bail..

some of them might even tell you they'd knee his fucking nuts before he ever got close enough to whisper to them..

& yeah.. i know.. i will prolly take flack for this...

the thing is that if you have heterosexual sex there is *****always**** the possibility of pregnancy, unless one of the 2 has their tubes shut off.

even if you are carefull, it happens, & sometimes 2 people can love each other enough in that moment that they don't *care* about being carefull.

& then?

you are suddenly faced with a choice..

now.. the thing is not which choice you make, but is it the choice you *want* to make...

if you become pregnant, are you going to feel that you *have* to abort, because the father isn't reliable enough to provide for the life you would want to bring to term, or are you going continue the pregnancy regardless of the difficulties ahead?

now.. it may not be a big deal to you, either, & that's absolutely *fine*, but if being pregnant *is* a big deal to you & if you want to be able to *choose*, instead of being **forced** into a course of action based upon predicament, then make sure you choose well, to begin with..

one of the great strength & great weakness of the idealism of hopefull youth is that we give the benefit of the doubt to just about *everyone*..
we lack the tools to recognize the limitations of others..

you don't have to be married, per-se, but the guy you are with should understand, from the outset, that if he is going to be intimate with you he needs to understand that he **must be responsible** & willing to support a child, if you become pregnant & decide to keep it.

i know that may sound unrealistic, but it's a bit like gravity.

if you fuck up on re-entry, you crater..

i dunno what your situation is, but if you're in a household of step / half siblings, & the dad is not reliably involved, then if you have sex & create a kid with some dumb bean-head who thought that horniness is some sort of magic phenomena that somehow justifies emotional lies, then make sure you remember:
you may run the risk of creating a situation for someone else that is exactly like your own.

the love of youth is not invalid.

nearly all of human existence & history shows that adolescence is where families are built..
hell.. you go to graveyards from the periods of american colonialism & revolutionary war.. early 1700's to late 1700's & you will find, repeatedly, men & women marrying in their teen & early teen years...
having multiple children by 18, & often dying before they were even 30...

the love of youth is a strong, strong force of undeniability..
it's proof is in this very nation..

you must be carefull of it, because the same constraints are not upon us, and *women* bear the brunt when it is betrayed.

number 5, pain in the ass that it is:
do yer chores unless they are actually unfair, insomuch that they are being assigned as an unreasonable form of behavior control or punishment.. in which case be an unrepentant bitch about them..

6) avoid excess..
excess keeps you from being usefull..
the whole mission of existence is *to be usefull*..

people who don't want to be usefull are washouts, at best & evil at worst..

the mark of indifference is whether or not you can *make* a difference..

soo.. see 3.. right now 3 helps you to become usefull, either by preparation or general learning, or if you have an area of study you truly love...

anyways...

i need to nail this up..

i hope yer for real, kiddo, because going on like this is no easy clacking of the keys..

if you are, take the words to heart..
i guarantee you, right or wrong, there is a lot more right in them than wrong..

learn..

you know you have learned something when you can make that knowledge usefull, so learn practical skills..
simple cooking, how to cut, screw & nail boards together, what sort of camping equipment is good, some automotive mechanics (super good knowledge, if you decide to travel on your own..)
- & post here, if you need to, because people will answer & there's just all kinds of experience on this site that will at least give you good feedback..

good luck, young woman..
& peace,

jn

 

[creature]

well.. i tend to believe that the benefit of the doubt is best..
& yes, it is pretty clear that such a requirement may very well indicate secondary motives..

however...
what i posted is fairly true, because a situation such as hers does occur too commonly..
because it is dire, it is better to assume it is posted in good faith than to discard it in such a fashion as may cause harm by asserting it is posted with insincerity, or that the situation is insignificant, because of distrust.


i've known people.. very, very real people, in very, very similar (if not well described) situations, whose lives have been utterly fucked up because they couldn't tolerate the family situations they were in.

my advice, therefore, most briefly, is:

1) be GOOD.. be kind, share, learn, hope, help others, etc., etc., as best as you are able

& 2) be a bitch or a prick about it..

if yer under 18 & people in your family are simply messing with your head, then.. well.. don't even *bother* about messing with theirs..
just be ***militant*** in your kindness..

not only will it define you, it will (as a consequence) either *help* them be more perceptive & empathic or..

it will totally screw with their minds, no fault of yours..

do not be violent, do not be disrespectful, do not be inordinately disobedient..

just refuse to let their shit make you less than what you are.

& you will win, & you will walk away free..

the only things worse than being subjected to fucked up family whims are famine, plague, being a prisoner of war or slavery.

i can assert this from a certain amount of first hand experience, knowing that i might prefer them to some of the shit i went through as a kid..

anyone who would fake that kind of injury in order to invade a dedicated social space & randomly deceive another person in order to make an instance of prosecution for the state is behaving in a fascist, subhuman manner..

i would rather assume the poster is in earnest & honest than assume they are an instance of such degraded consciousness.

i post my reply in earnest, because it is better to assume there is actually a hurt human speaking, than a sewage dredging monster who is impersonating tragedy in order to earn their fucking salary...

the best way to fight war, sometimes, is to be kind.

because, really, if the poster *is* in earnest?

she deserves help.

& if not?

it doesn't hurt to extend it, anyways..

 

[Deleted member 20]

lol @creature I thought my posts were long winded.

 

[creature]

i've stopped moving.

oh no..

 

[daydreamdazed]

please be safe! head north to seattle, there are alot of kids like you there

 

[Deleted member 20]

please be safe! head north to seattle, there are alot of kids like you there

I dont think that strength in numbers works any better with these types of situations. The reality is that many bad habits & traits can be learned anywhere. I think by avoiding the pack mentality your potential longterm quality of life is greatly enhanced. I am not against viisting cities & places where groups of kids congregate but using them to aid in my survival would never happen. I dont need others to learn how to do drugs/sell drugs, sell my body for cash & get caught up in the drama associated with homebums & travelers alike. If you learn how to live & survive while retaining yourself than you will be ready for a long life & able to face any situation anywhere. I like the idea of finding a solid person to ride with who isnt interested in taking advantage of you or exploiting fro profit. Perhaps finding another experienced girl or gay guy will be best. I have met some pretty tough yet flamboyent traveler kids.

 

[creature]

Emperor..

you are pretty fucking wise..

may this not be a spook taking up perfectly good electrons, but someone in need who is able to benefit from the pragmatism of your compassion.

this is StP at its best..

& even if they never appear again, proffering of grape soda or not, hopefully if there is someone who can benefit from the attention & advisements & thoughts which are placed here, in hope..

you know..
it suddenly strikes me that spooks & predators are the same fucking thing..

& soo.. you really need to be carefull before you cast accusations like that..

hopefully this thread, if it builds any further, will continue to build upon the assumption of the best, and the thoughtfulness that follows..

 

[daydreamdazed]

very true, good advice.