Stupid Answers to Stupid Questions

[Desperado Deluxe]

So if you've been travelling awhile you'll notice that people tend to ask the same questions over and over again. This gets tiring so instead of having to explain myself over and over I've generally come up with a list of short answers that are generally silly and stupid.

Q. What brought you here?
A. A freight train.

Q. Where do you sleep?
A. Outside or in a bush etc.

Q. Why are you homeless?
A. I farted in my girlfriends bed and she kicked me out of the house..

...Etc...

Do you guys ever do this? Any stories?

Ill see if I can come up with any more.

 

[Frodo]

I just hiss and scamper to the closest dumpster when someone talks to me.

 

[Anagor]

Cop to a friend of mine who was lying in a sleeping bag, totally covered, 5:30 in the morning:

Q: What are you doing here?
A: Sleeping?!?

 

[Desperado Deluxe]

Cop to a friend of mine who was lying in a sleeping bag, totally covered, 5:30 in the morning:

Q: What are you doing here?
A: Sleeping?!?

haha yea ive used that one before.

 

[roguetrader]

i like to tell gigantic whopper lies that are just about plausible when i get tired of the obvious questions - people will believe anything about a funny looking nomad ! my friend with a permanently erect mohican used to get asked 'how do you keep your hair like that ?' all the time so she started using the same tactic - 'oh well first i smear it in honey, stick it up and then spray it with whatever colour spray paint i fancy that day'.....

 

[kokomojoe]

If you have a vest/pants/jacket/ whatever else with a bunch of patches stitched on it you'll occasionally get asked by some yuppie, "Where did you buy that at?" Haven't thought of any good answers but I think something stupid like urban outfitters would be funny. Pretty sure there was some place, might have been urban outfitters, that was selling some leather jacket with a bunch of punk bands on it for like $300 or something ridiculous. I'm gonna try to find it.

EDIT: Lol yep, fucking hilarious

 

[DoctorApocalypse]

Being fairly heavily and visibly modified usually results in a similar interaction with the general public:

Q: How big are your gauges bro?
A: 24 inches bro

Q: Did that hurt?
A: OMG you have no idea, and it causes me constant pain so I need massive quantities of drugs and alcohol to deal

Q: How long did that take?
A: It only took like a week

I used to answer honestly and try to educate people about body modification. Then I realized how much it doesn't matter because the general public is dumb and people seriously only ever ask those three questions so it's more entertaining for me to just fuck w/ people.

 

[etpyh]

'how do you keep your hair like that ?'

Legit question!

 

[EphemeralStick]

My personal favorite.

Q: How do you afford to live like that?
A: I gave my banking information to a Nigerian prince.

 

[Desperado Deluxe]

When I was in NOLA everyone kept thinking I was this other guy who has a dog and does the whole make the dog look drunk thing with sunglasses empty handgranade cups etc.

Q. Hey where's your dog?
A. I'm the guy without the dog..

People started calling me "no dog."

 

[MolotovMocktail]

Q: Did that hurt?
A: OMG you have no idea, and it causes me constant pain so I need massive quantities of drugs and alcohol to deal

When people ask me if my septum piercing hurt, I always reply "It felt exactly like a needle going through my septum."

 

[Rob Nothing]

Q: Cat got your tongue?
A: Oh yeah that cat and I've got things to get to and I'd better not bring down the house on it but a little birdy told me that she's got worms, but just as long as they don't gotta be cussin me out for it or nothing I believe it'll do. But I know they hadn't any serum over there at the arcade so went and turned on the radio see what's what. But I think tom hardy is the shit myself!

Or it went something along those lines. He didn't have any more questions after that.

Q:Where you coming from?
A:Oh I was born in California.

Q:How far you going?
A:How far are you going?

Q:So, what's your story?
A: I didn't fucking do it.

Q:What do you guys eat??
A: Food. We bring food.

 

[Hypnofrog]

Q: how'd you know which train to take and where it would take you?
A: the all knowing train fairies told me

 

[Matt Derrick]

If you have a vest/pants/jacket/ whatever else with a bunch of patches stitched on it you'll occasionally get asked by some yuppie, "Where did you buy that at?" Haven't thought of any good answers but I think something stupid like urban outfitters would be funny. Pretty sure there was some place, might have been urban outfitters, that was selling some leather jacket with a bunch of punk bands on it for like $300 or something ridiculous. I'm gonna try to find it.

EDIT: Lol yep, fucking hilarious
View attachment 29621

wow, that is so poorly made it's not even punk. it's like... below punk standards.

 

[Wawa]

"What do you do when it rains?"

"I get wet."

This exact exchange HAPPENS SO OFTEN.

Also...

"Do you have a tent"

People are forever eyeing up my pack or bike trailer and asking if I have a tent. Only, they say tent kinda funny like it confuses them and I'm not what the question really means.

Like, if you want to ask where I sleep, do it. Of all the things you could ask me, "do you have a tent" just seems horribly dull. Boring answer for you, irritating question for me. I have not thought of a good answer to this yet. I usually just get annoyed and find a quick excuse to end the conversation, because it never goes anywhere interesting from there.

 

[Desperado Deluxe]

Once I was in valdosta georgia flying at walmart and a cop rolled up and ran my name and asked me "what have you been arrested for and i replied "assaulting police officers." he said " you say that like you dont like authority." and i responded "no i just dont like cops asking me questions they shouldnt be asking me" and he then told me i could go fly at the freeway off ramp i did and i made bank. that was in my younger crazier days tho.

Oh I like this one
Q. Where do you sleep

A. My secret invisible hobo fortress.

Q. Oh wow where is it?

A. Right across the street see it?

Responds. "No.."

That's because its invisible!

 

[Rob Nothing]

Also...

"Do you have a tent"

....

I have not thought of a good answer to this yet. I usually just get annoyed and find a quick excuse to end the conversation, because it never goes anywhere interesting from there.

Just be like "YEAH.. carry a tent around so I can camp my motel room. What a good idea!" Or "It's called a wigwam. Tents are for poseurs, dude/babe". No wait, say "There was a study done recently proving that tents kill one in ten 99%ers every year. So most of us have gone underground, or switched over to hammocks".

Being a dude I'd say in a deadpan voice: "Does Rambo need a tent?"

Sorry, highly caffeinated.

 

[MormonWanders]

I live in my van and these have to be the top questions I get asked.

Q: How do you shower?
A: I apply soap and water directly onto my body.

Q: What if you need to use the bathroom?
A: I use one.

Q: How do you eat?
A: How have you made it this far in life if you are asking me that question?