sick of it all

[Nelco]

fucking everything is garbage
why does everyone have to make things hard on each other
what the fuck is the point
sick of sleeping in beds in square fucking droned out rooms
sick of sleeping in ditches and alley's and having to force myself to ignore the looks on ppl's faces around me while they try to hide how they feel about whats in front of them
sick of cement everything
sick of looking at drug addicts and drunks
sick of everyone talking about only how long they did it and what they said and how blah blah blah
sick of sitting in rooms avoiding everyone
sick of arguing with ppl who expect me to just hang out and look over how they're trying to fuck me over, like it's not happening because they think they're fucking me over but they're to fucking slefish to see i know whats up and i like sharing what i got...it's not that i'm just an easy fuck over
sick of reading books about ppl that give a shit and are actually mindful and stand up for things but they don't actually exist from the looks of it
sick of fucking taking care of other ppl's cigarette habbits
everyone is sooooooooo preoccupied with being a superior asshole that nothing but hurt happens
i sick of telling the hurt ppl it's ok...why does it fucking matter...they're dicks, fuck them
no one really fucking cares about anything but self gratification
I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF EVERYTHING

you know...i contacted the tribal council a few years ago because i was so desperate to get away from man made earth
i emailed each person seperately and they all told me no one believes in anything i bleieve in anymore
i know
the tribal council is there to block ppl, but look whats on the other side now
trailors and drunks and more lost kids?
so this is fucking it
i die with all this hope and beleif inside of me and all everyone cares about is getting shit faced and cutting eachother down and hating eachother and feeding their inflating their fucking ego's
this is all i'll forever be surrounded by
or i could go make friends with a bunch of materialistic, paper chasing assholes that hate everything that isn't shiney and new and probably end up pissing on their shit for sucking the life out of me so much
all these years of searching and traveling through different scenes and cultures and places and degree's and this all i found in life
fuck everything
i'm sick of it all

 

[Cardboard]

Is this a suicide note?
"so this is fucking it
i die with all this hope and beleif inside of me"
well, merry christmas anyways.

 

[Kim Chee]

There's a solution for much of what you say. I'm sick of a lot of things. I know I can't change everything and sometimes I shouldn't change it anyway and let it be.
I'm going to go down a list of solutions for your list of issues and some of my solutions may take care of multiple issues. I'm sure I wont get all of them nailed, but
your list wont be so damn overwhelming anymore. btw: I'm sick of hearing about other people's problems, but I do like to help. soapbox123

eat garbage
understand people aren't like you and they have the right not to be
there is no point
sleep outside
people always going to look at you funny (they are in awe as they do not understand) get used to it
get used to it
live in a dung house
don't look at anything you don't like
people's conversation can get shallow, find deeper people (or just be a hermit you'll always be in good company)
take something for your sickness (cyanide isn't OTC or an option, tough it out)
try a new attitude
some people will always try to fuck you over for your shit. they are lazy or antisocial, avoid them
those great people who write books exist even if it is all lies to sell a book (stop reading)
I saw some snipes in the ashtray down the street (and don't be there when they get back)
maybe you're being overly sensitive if you think everybody is a superior asshole (are you on your moon?)
even dicks hurt, its ok to help them (they may someday evolve and be undicklike and be there for you)
there's selfish people out there, get used to it there isn't a damn thing you can do to change them

You're smart, just a little pissed off right now. You know you can get through all of this with
a little help from your friends. And I know you do have some.

yeah, and merry christmas. Thanks for all the baggage. partvacances

 

[Earth]

"all these years of searching and traveling through different scenes and cultures and places and degree's and this all i found in life..."

My point exactly.
You can't search for what it is in life that you want, for you will never find it.
You can't buy it.
You can't run away from it.

The only thing you can do is follow your heart, and do what it tells you to do.
If that means fleeing to get away from a bad situation, than this is what you do.
But, don't fall into the trap of leaving one bad situation for another....
Make sure you know exactly what you are doing, and more impoortantly why.

Nelco, you seem like a really good person.
You are a mom, you have a child who's gift of life can never be denied.
I love reading everything you write.

But Cardboard picked up on something I did not...................

How I wish I could give you a hug, listen to what you have to say, try and see where you are coming from, and offer sincere advice with the understanding that you could take it or reject it.
But I can't, as I think we're quite a physical distance apart.

However, I can offer you this:
While it appears there is quite a bit of hate inside of you, one thing you did not say is (thank God) anything negative about having a child, which is a blessing because it shows you still have love inside of you.
Only Love Can Conquer Hate !!
Love yourself and your child, and know that you are loved too......

You don't know how much I wish I had a family of my own, but I don't.

Why??
Google Leslie R. Leeds....

I was engaged to her this time in 1995, and a couple days after Ground Hog Day, 1996.... she chose to take her own life, while I slept next to her.

Imagine waking up to that !!
Imagine getting to let my future in-laws know!!

Yeah, google her - and read both her fathers and my own writtings of the sadness we both share forever.
(and if you're really feeling ambitious, go to www.facebook.com/otterwolf and see if my life is of any interest to you)

If you are thinking of checking out, don't do it girl, your life is a precious one - trust me on that - for I was once lost too, and only recently did I come to become found... and it was my dog who clued me in on the real meaning of life.
I bet your child could really open your eyes, for the innocence of a child can never be denied.

Nelco,
Merry Christmas....
Thoughts/Hugs/Love/Prayers xoxoxoxo

 

[hobogestapo]

its better to have lived than to not have lived at all.

 

[Dmac]

what are those old song lyric's "ya can't please everyone, so ya aught to just please yourself"

 

[bryanpaul]

gotta change yer perspective!

 

[Dmac]

thanks bryanpaul, monty python rocks!

 

[Sonny]

Damn, you have no idea how much I feel same as you

 

[fateoficarus]

"all everyone cares about is getting shit faced and cutting eachother down and hating eachother and feeding their inflating their fucking ego's"

That's one of my biggest worries, is that even within fringe lifestyles it all amounts to one large self congratulatory circle jerk. The way I see it I don't live the way I do because I thing I'm going to change the world, I live the way I do because it's the only way I can live with myself, and that, is my first and foremost concern. Hope you're well.