hang out, bitch about the world, scream about how life sucks, enjoy the fire of being alive even when you you smack yer thumb with a hammer, & learn from what's gone down about what you *really* want * desire, & how to prepare for it..
watch out for the instant gratification syndrome..
when you have a chance, grab 10 cans of soup & go out into the woods with nothing but a garbage bag to carry them in & a book of matches..
maybe a small pan, but only because it's a hella lot worse now to light up a tin can than 10 or 15 years ago..
find a stream.. a ledge.. bitch at the bugs..
breath the air..
someday you are going to have a huge, huge fucking decision in front of you, & so long as you make it consciously, you'll be ok..
but if you avoid it, or do the thing you prefer less, because it is easier, well...
the faster the water spins, the harder it is to claw yer way out of the pot...
if you look at *life* that way, then when it comes to relationships you'll find yourself with enough sense of self to avoid putting yourself into relationships where the co-dependency is destructive...
i say this because co-dependency is *good*, & is what you really *should* shoot for, but only if you're centered enough to not *have* to be co-dependent, & can find someone with the same sort of strength into a relationship..
yer young, yeah, but be carefull of spreading yourself too thin..
you go thin, you'll meet thin.. know what i mean?
so don't *be* thin..
yer ex now has a life pretty well much independent of you..
*whatever* feelings you're having, so long as you're still able to relate to people on a reasonable basis & aren't being a whack job over it, are perfectly acceptable.. the thing is that you need to do, though, is look at what has happened a bit like dropping off somebody you just had a great conversation with, but that you know that it's come to an end... maybe you'll see each other again, sometime, maybe not, but the ride was great & you made a friend & you'll probably remember them forever..
there's a lot to be said for a bit of solitude, too..
admirers often admire only when there is something to admire..
popularity is very often just another word for politics, and the presence of people who *enjoy* admiring, rather than being *usefull* are not to be counted among anything that should be considered meaningfull..
i say this that you might consider tempering exactly what it is that you admire so much about being admired...
like you said, quit yer fucking whining..
which is excellent, because it means you have balls at least big enough to see.
i'll tell you something else, pal..
don't let the fire of your youth pass away in pining...
love, man...
holy fuck...
love...
love is a goddamned fucking nuke, aimed at one fucking person..
& guess who the fuck that is??
now.. if you find that someone counter-strikes, after you have launches, well..
i dunno know..
maybe you will live happily ever after & raise a shitload of tiny little mutants that no one will *admire*, but will certainly gawk at..
kinda like yerself..
i say this affectionately, because i, too, am among the radiation scarred..
so *use* what you have...
if you whine, you will die.
fuck.. you won't even die..
death is for people who have something worth remembering..
if you whine, you will wind up, more or less, on a couch with orange colored tattoos on your fingers from all the fucking cheese doodles...
that, or even worse, surrounded by kids who are *not* mutants, but keep running off & jumping trains or climbing water towers or other shit that seems dumb to *you*, because you never had enough sense to walk into the woods for two days with matches & soup cans...
now.. the soup cans & matches are allegorical..
you can insert whatever elements you want in their stead, but goddamn..
you need to make sure yer head opens up & that the only thing that matters to you is the world that your brain is going to crawl out & meet.
friends?
you want friends?
i'll tell you where the fuck to find friends..
go play goddamned chess..
i dunno a shit about D&D or higher end simulation games, but find someplace where you can drink beer (or at least be *around* people drinking beer) while you play.. & fuck this sissy 1 hour a side crap.. play *real* chess.. 3 minutes, or 5.. *maybe* 7, per side..
if you get good, so that you can piss off your opponent, then yeah.. ****mayyyybbeee**** 20 minutes per side..
get used to playing with a clock..
get used to swearing at the board & each other..
man..
1 or 2 nights a week at a pub with chess sets?
you will not make friends, you will make *comrades*...
at least that is how it worked for me...
your genetic makeup will certainly vary..
but that's just my advice...
anyways,
good luck, pal..
hit me up if you have any questions about the game...
C.