I think I was 19 or 20 when I was traveling before. Never left home, went straight to trains, and hitchhiking. Then it was living out of my car after we visited home. I got arrested in my home town for public intoxication...on private property....I'm convinced the cops dragged me out of the woods and onto the road. Absolutely convinced. But that's besides the point. I wanted to be able to come home later down the road and not have warrants. So I sat in Alabama for a year and dealt with color code and probation bullshit. While on probation, I ended up on ice. Before that I just drank like a fish. Things happen ha...so then I started coughing, I thought I just snorted something weird and it fucked up my throat. But it didn't stop. After a month I started coughing up blood. Go to urgent care, and the doc in a box tells me just by looking at me that I've got cancer. Fuck. Ok. So we go to the hospital. They put me on 6 months of chemo and tell me that they want to invert a port to my chest. It's basically a tube straight to my heart, where they can inject me with chemo and all kinds of fun drugs. I joked and called it a suicide button. I mean...if I wanted to how easy would it have been to just off myself? But I kept on living for whatever reason. Just in spite of it I guess? Gross. Oh also this is part of why I got clean after about a year and a half on ice. So I do the 6 months of chemo, and they tell me I have to keep the port in my chest for another year or so, and heve to have regular trips to have it cleaned out. (Id never understood what needle users meant by the way it tastes when you shoot up, but I mean I could taste everything the doctor's put in me.) So i had to stay home so I could be near my doctor where everything was paid for. I was about to get the port taken out when the pandemic starts. Fuck. Ok so yea were all in this together bullshit. Bla bla bla. I'm vaccinated now and I got my port removed. But it's been like 5 years now, and I don't know where to restart. I've had my pack set and just about ready to go this entire time. I reach out and help anyone I see needing help coming through my area. I've made some awesome friends doing that. More than I ever made on the road before, because the guy I was with then didn't want to meet anyone. Ever. I'm just afraid now. I guess I just want advice or whatever. Uh thanks for making it this far into this post I guess.