Travelogue #16-ish
Email of NYC Debauchery
Let's see... I just got back from NYC, living up in Washington Heights with my good friend Grundy.. He lives with Carole "I felt the earth move under my feet" King's grandson. For NY, it was relatively serene. I went to my cousin's wedding, dancing with my mom and winning the garter. That's right, the new Italian side of the family was not happy to see me (who am I?) roll it up some chubby leg. She was not attractive, even sporting a black trail of hair down her back and into her pants.
Grundy and I played a gig in College Point for my friend Ed's bar, making food and money. Ed's sister is gorgeous and drew us a picture of our fictional band-of-the-night, The Portland Poppers (cherries, that is).
There was much pot smoking at hand, and I had the opportunity to tag along with The Grund as he worked at his current NY hustle: playing percussion for dance studios. That, and private lessons. Also, we found the best cure for chronic girlfriend angst was marijuana--within no time, we were jamming and playing chess. Fuck that bitch, I've got the munchies!
However, the NYC experience culminated in Bushwick, going to Ed's friend's apartment in Williamsburg (hipster capital, USA). We met up with his good friend's X and Y. Y is a bonafide pornstar, who is counseled by X with such phrases as "oh, don't worry about tomorrow. Its only anal," citing that DP would be much more exhausting. They were a hoot, and in no time, Ed and I were playing banjo and accordion, dressed in kimonos. Then, they casually suggested I dress in a maid's uniform--which I did. (Bear in mind, this would not be the first time I ever cross-dressed, but fuck you, I look good in a skyblue maid's uniform with white-cloud trim).
However, spirits began to wane. X was sick, and these girls, accustomed to much excitment were beginning to get bored. So, I drew X (asian) a picture of a cat and a dog and won her heart. A half-hour later, I was drawing 100 cats (like that paper crane story), and we moved on to truth or dare...
Which, after some lame questions, deepthroating a plastic banana, and such, it ended up with me prank calling their friends with *67 as insurance. And, best of all, it was videotaped. One guy they had me hit on and be rejected. Another I asked to be my AA sponsor (he declined, and I almost cried--method acting, of course...). A guy named Giovanni was threatened with his family's life if he didn't show up to some shitty bar. And, the best of all, was this guy whom I said I used to work with at Hawaiian Tropic Zone, and that my girlfriend, a "squat-looking" blonde, was interested in a threesome. He took it hook, line, and sinker. Much laughter was to be had, and by the end of the night, I was almost about to get laid until X got tired...
So it goes.
But now, yes, I'm hitching down to Atlanta for a day or so, then off to warmer climates. Ed, the aforementioned, is putting out a 70-song split release between the two of us, which should be interesting. We're touring in the spring, hoping to conquer this country, one coffeeshop, one corner, one park--at a time. It should be wonderful.
Let's see... I just got back from NYC, living up in Washington Heights with my good friend Grundy.. He lives with Carole "I felt the earth move under my feet" King's grandson. For NY, it was relatively serene. I went to my cousin's wedding, dancing with my mom and winning the garter. That's right, the new Italian side of the family was not happy to see me (who am I?) roll it up some chubby leg. She was not attractive, even sporting a black trail of hair down her back and into her pants.
Grundy and I played a gig in College Point for my friend Ed's bar, making food and money. Ed's sister is gorgeous and drew us a picture of our fictional band-of-the-night, The Portland Poppers (cherries, that is).
There was much pot smoking at hand, and I had the opportunity to tag along with The Grund as he worked at his current NY hustle: playing percussion for dance studios. That, and private lessons. Also, we found the best cure for chronic girlfriend angst was marijuana--within no time, we were jamming and playing chess. Fuck that bitch, I've got the munchies!
However, the NYC experience culminated in Bushwick, going to Ed's friend's apartment in Williamsburg (hipster capital, USA). We met up with his good friend's X and Y. Y is a bonafide pornstar, who is counseled by X with such phrases as "oh, don't worry about tomorrow. Its only anal," citing that DP would be much more exhausting. They were a hoot, and in no time, Ed and I were playing banjo and accordion, dressed in kimonos. Then, they casually suggested I dress in a maid's uniform--which I did. (Bear in mind, this would not be the first time I ever cross-dressed, but fuck you, I look good in a skyblue maid's uniform with white-cloud trim).
However, spirits began to wane. X was sick, and these girls, accustomed to much excitment were beginning to get bored. So, I drew X (asian) a picture of a cat and a dog and won her heart. A half-hour later, I was drawing 100 cats (like that paper crane story), and we moved on to truth or dare...
Which, after some lame questions, deepthroating a plastic banana, and such, it ended up with me prank calling their friends with *67 as insurance. And, best of all, it was videotaped. One guy they had me hit on and be rejected. Another I asked to be my AA sponsor (he declined, and I almost cried--method acting, of course...). A guy named Giovanni was threatened with his family's life if he didn't show up to some shitty bar. And, the best of all, was this guy whom I said I used to work with at Hawaiian Tropic Zone, and that my girlfriend, a "squat-looking" blonde, was interested in a threesome. He took it hook, line, and sinker. Much laughter was to be had, and by the end of the night, I was almost about to get laid until X got tired...
So it goes.
But now, yes, I'm hitching down to Atlanta for a day or so, then off to warmer climates. Ed, the aforementioned, is putting out a 70-song split release between the two of us, which should be interesting. We're touring in the spring, hoping to conquer this country, one coffeeshop, one corner, one park--at a time. It should be wonderful.
