cultofsam
the messiah.
- Joined
- May 13, 2015
- Messages
- 56
- Reaction score
- 63
- Location
- Batavia, N.Y.
- Website
- thecultofsam.tumblr.com
I remember it like it was yesterday, I had warrants out for my arrest in the state of New York. Where I'm from, where all my family was from. I had never traveled, never done anything like that, but I seemed to be running out of options. Little did I expect to love the road and end up with a permanent addiction to it.
I ended up catching a ride with a friend south with some of my friends who ended up being my road family, or as you guys say road dogs. I ended up in a town called Wellsville, NY. (Didn't even get out of the state with the first shot.) I met this couple named Joe and Amber who took us in, helped us out, etc. They then drove us to Williamsport, PA. After that the next couple of years were dedicated to hitchin' the USA. I had seen it all when I ended up in Miami, FL. I was already a recovered relapse, and anyone who knows Miami and their drugs, will tell you it's the place to be. Cheap, quality product. I soon relapsed. I developed a worse problem than before, I was soon a heroin addict. Now, I have been clean for two years. Yay me, but in order for me to have achieved that I woke up one day, went to the train station I bird bathed in and I looked in the mirror, my usually 180lb self was bone thin, with bags under my eyes and sunken in cheeks.
I then called my mother and next thing I knew I was leaving the life I had grown so accustomed to, I had began to love. I was on my way back to a mess of legal problems, relationship problems, etc. And I felt rather empty leaving my road pals to go get clean, but it had to be done.
I got back to Batavia, NY during a blizzard, note I was in Miami so all I owned were some skirts and 2 dead shirts. I was wrapped in my sleeping bag walking off the bus. It was five am, I couldn't even tell you the last time I had actually bathed and my mother broke down into tears at the sight of me. She took me home and got me bathed and bought me a new wardrobe, (I have the best mom in the world). I then went to bed for 24 straight hours and the sickness began. I was dope sick for about a week. Then after I was done being sick, I turned myself into the Genesee County Sheriffs Department. I did my time and got out of jail and went back home to my mom, with a healthy looking face, healing tracks and a little more meat on my bones.
I had gotten out of jail in the spring and thats when I decided to give "normal" a shot. I started applying for jobs every where and soon the calls were flooding in from all sorts of places that suck. I ended up grabbing a job at the local mcdonalds, but that wasn't good enough... That still wasn't normal. 8$ an hour wasn't going to pay for me to be self sufficient. So I then looked again, and I got the call of a life time (for me at the time anyways). The Home Depot wanted me to come in for an interview, and I nailed it. They offered me a job on the spot making 13$ an hour working in sales. I managed over a year to climb the ropes from being a garden sales associate, to a lumber associate, pro sales and then I got a big one. They asked me to be the Garden Department Supervisor at 17$ an hour... I took the position in stride, but for some reason I wasn't happy. I had gotten my apartment, always had food, pot and wine. I was clean off the hard shit. Why couldn't I be happy? Well I tried to live outside and see if it would cure my wonderlust, but no.... It still wasn't enough. After putting two years into my work, into my normal life.... I realized, it's not me. It's not for me, and it probably never will be again.
I love the road, and the road loves me. I gave up a fantastic job, a beautiful house, everything... Because.... Well fuck it. I'm still clean, I have my road family back. And I'm truly, truly happy.
So I guess what I'm getting at, is I would like to know if anyone else couldn't maintain happiness doing what they thought they were supposed to do?
I ended up catching a ride with a friend south with some of my friends who ended up being my road family, or as you guys say road dogs. I ended up in a town called Wellsville, NY. (Didn't even get out of the state with the first shot.) I met this couple named Joe and Amber who took us in, helped us out, etc. They then drove us to Williamsport, PA. After that the next couple of years were dedicated to hitchin' the USA. I had seen it all when I ended up in Miami, FL. I was already a recovered relapse, and anyone who knows Miami and their drugs, will tell you it's the place to be. Cheap, quality product. I soon relapsed. I developed a worse problem than before, I was soon a heroin addict. Now, I have been clean for two years. Yay me, but in order for me to have achieved that I woke up one day, went to the train station I bird bathed in and I looked in the mirror, my usually 180lb self was bone thin, with bags under my eyes and sunken in cheeks.
I then called my mother and next thing I knew I was leaving the life I had grown so accustomed to, I had began to love. I was on my way back to a mess of legal problems, relationship problems, etc. And I felt rather empty leaving my road pals to go get clean, but it had to be done.
I got back to Batavia, NY during a blizzard, note I was in Miami so all I owned were some skirts and 2 dead shirts. I was wrapped in my sleeping bag walking off the bus. It was five am, I couldn't even tell you the last time I had actually bathed and my mother broke down into tears at the sight of me. She took me home and got me bathed and bought me a new wardrobe, (I have the best mom in the world). I then went to bed for 24 straight hours and the sickness began. I was dope sick for about a week. Then after I was done being sick, I turned myself into the Genesee County Sheriffs Department. I did my time and got out of jail and went back home to my mom, with a healthy looking face, healing tracks and a little more meat on my bones.
I had gotten out of jail in the spring and thats when I decided to give "normal" a shot. I started applying for jobs every where and soon the calls were flooding in from all sorts of places that suck. I ended up grabbing a job at the local mcdonalds, but that wasn't good enough... That still wasn't normal. 8$ an hour wasn't going to pay for me to be self sufficient. So I then looked again, and I got the call of a life time (for me at the time anyways). The Home Depot wanted me to come in for an interview, and I nailed it. They offered me a job on the spot making 13$ an hour working in sales. I managed over a year to climb the ropes from being a garden sales associate, to a lumber associate, pro sales and then I got a big one. They asked me to be the Garden Department Supervisor at 17$ an hour... I took the position in stride, but for some reason I wasn't happy. I had gotten my apartment, always had food, pot and wine. I was clean off the hard shit. Why couldn't I be happy? Well I tried to live outside and see if it would cure my wonderlust, but no.... It still wasn't enough. After putting two years into my work, into my normal life.... I realized, it's not me. It's not for me, and it probably never will be again.
I love the road, and the road loves me. I gave up a fantastic job, a beautiful house, everything... Because.... Well fuck it. I'm still clean, I have my road family back. And I'm truly, truly happy.
So I guess what I'm getting at, is I would like to know if anyone else couldn't maintain happiness doing what they thought they were supposed to do?