fuck capitalist scum
Member
I was sick of staying at my parents and I knew that I couldn't go on forever like that, since every work experience I had left me absolutely miserable I decided to look for alternatives, so I bought all the cheapest lightest material I needed after researching and put myself on the road on foot in rural areas for a month to see if it's an interesting lifestyle. This is my 5th say and the experience hasn't been good at all.
First and foremost I'm always tired, how can I enjoy when I'm either walking or resting from exhaustion. As someone in very bad shape when I started this I set my expectations of KM per day accordingly day but it seems I got it wrong. Walking 15 or 20 KM a day seems ok in theory but I never fully recovered from my first day when I walked the most and ended up with pain everywhere.
Second, FUCK WASPS, just go extinct already, curse them all, burn them all! I waited till November so I would avoid fire season (and this year there were many many fires in Portugal) and the sun which makes me uncomfortable and insects. I have a phobia of wasps, it has improved since I was a kid it's still there (and still never got stung!) and every damn village was full of wasps, the few old people living there don't seem to care but I do.
.
Third, it's been lonely, at home I didn't talk to people but I had internet to socialize, here my internet is very limited,( opened an exception for this post since I'm bored) most people are old, I'm not really good at making conversation, I thought I'd improve as the days go by but it doesn't seem like it. I have no interest in talking to people but then I complain about being lonely :S I also prefer to connect on an intellectual level than personal most if the time.
On the first day I walked almost all day, at 4pm I was really tired in the middle of nowhere on a road in an hunting zone (hadn't seen a mammal since 1pm), had no more water and decides to rest right there on my tent, which I did and then had to wait till night time because 2 or 3 wasps surrounded my tent so I couldn't leave, good thing night came early due to time zone, not even 6pm and it was pitch black. I got on the move and quickly tired myself again because the terrain was upwards but had to bear it. I remember thinking that if I was a few years young I'd die of fear in the middle of nothing surrounded by trees in an hunting zone without any natural light (I had headlamp), but now there was surprisingly no fear, just because its dark doesn't mean there's more danger and I trust the animal life in my country, very few dangerous animals, no bears, no dangerous snakes or spiders etc, I still avoided looking left and right out of paranoia, I didn't want to see the eyes of an animal staring at me. Interestingly only after leaving the hunting zone around 7pm I heard a noise on my right and when I looked I saw the first mammal since 1pm, a wild boar. I checked Wikipedia afterward and it says they can get quite heavy, so either the one I saw wasn't an adult or they have strong mass but smallish bodies, it didn't really intimidate me but I went on my way, 5 minutes after and I reached a village, at first it was really empty, heard no noise and saw no people, really weird considering there was champions league games that day, by as I walked I finally found humans, the first in many hours at the cafe, it was empty but as the game was about to start people started gathering, I bought water and rested there for a while. I ended up sleeping at the back of a school that didn't have students for over 20 years, such a waste. Slept badly because of mosquitoes (not really mosquito, its another annoying buzzing night time bug that I don't recall it's name in english and don't want to use more internet to look for it), every few minutes I'd hear the buzz and used my hand to make it go away, I tought that maybe after I gave some blood itd go away but I just couldn't allow it, as soon as I heard it id scare it off , every few minutes for over 4 hours getting some rest but not REM sleep. At 4 am I gave up, stood up and did nothing till 7 am where I bought supplies and went on my way to near a river with the intent to bathe, but after reaching it I wasnt sure of the idea, it was empty and cold, but fortunately there was grass there also I set up my tent and slept 2 or 3 hours which felt very good, finally fully rested, a very big wasp camped outside my tent , otherwise id sleep more but the buzzing was distracting. This time I couldn't wait till night for it to go away, so I just left the tent when it seemed to go away for a while and quickly packed and went on my way , for me only then ended the first miserable day.
I don't want to type every single day detailed now despite some interesting and dangerous stuff happening (maybe ill type another day if you want) ill just say that I was and am always tired, yesterday I stayed at the same place for a day ( and still here today) but I'm still tired! My feet start hurting after walking a little bit even without the backpack (I leave it somewhere safe ), I do wonder if I overworked myself and am actually weaker now instead of stronger or if I need even more rest.
Im demotivated, not enjoying at all, at least I'm not alienated from what I do, what I do here has impact on me and I'm in control, on a job you do what you're told and that's it.
Don't know if I can go on for a month like this , but I also can't live at my parents forever and really don't want to work for anyone ( no matter what job I don't want any boss), if only I found a way to make a living for myself, I found one once but after making 2k in 2 or 3 months they limited my account, apparently you're only allowed to lose, fucking capitalism makes me sick. And now I don't know what to do
First and foremost I'm always tired, how can I enjoy when I'm either walking or resting from exhaustion. As someone in very bad shape when I started this I set my expectations of KM per day accordingly day but it seems I got it wrong. Walking 15 or 20 KM a day seems ok in theory but I never fully recovered from my first day when I walked the most and ended up with pain everywhere.
Second, FUCK WASPS, just go extinct already, curse them all, burn them all! I waited till November so I would avoid fire season (and this year there were many many fires in Portugal) and the sun which makes me uncomfortable and insects. I have a phobia of wasps, it has improved since I was a kid it's still there (and still never got stung!) and every damn village was full of wasps, the few old people living there don't seem to care but I do.
.
Third, it's been lonely, at home I didn't talk to people but I had internet to socialize, here my internet is very limited,( opened an exception for this post since I'm bored) most people are old, I'm not really good at making conversation, I thought I'd improve as the days go by but it doesn't seem like it. I have no interest in talking to people but then I complain about being lonely :S I also prefer to connect on an intellectual level than personal most if the time.
On the first day I walked almost all day, at 4pm I was really tired in the middle of nowhere on a road in an hunting zone (hadn't seen a mammal since 1pm), had no more water and decides to rest right there on my tent, which I did and then had to wait till night time because 2 or 3 wasps surrounded my tent so I couldn't leave, good thing night came early due to time zone, not even 6pm and it was pitch black. I got on the move and quickly tired myself again because the terrain was upwards but had to bear it. I remember thinking that if I was a few years young I'd die of fear in the middle of nothing surrounded by trees in an hunting zone without any natural light (I had headlamp), but now there was surprisingly no fear, just because its dark doesn't mean there's more danger and I trust the animal life in my country, very few dangerous animals, no bears, no dangerous snakes or spiders etc, I still avoided looking left and right out of paranoia, I didn't want to see the eyes of an animal staring at me. Interestingly only after leaving the hunting zone around 7pm I heard a noise on my right and when I looked I saw the first mammal since 1pm, a wild boar. I checked Wikipedia afterward and it says they can get quite heavy, so either the one I saw wasn't an adult or they have strong mass but smallish bodies, it didn't really intimidate me but I went on my way, 5 minutes after and I reached a village, at first it was really empty, heard no noise and saw no people, really weird considering there was champions league games that day, by as I walked I finally found humans, the first in many hours at the cafe, it was empty but as the game was about to start people started gathering, I bought water and rested there for a while. I ended up sleeping at the back of a school that didn't have students for over 20 years, such a waste. Slept badly because of mosquitoes (not really mosquito, its another annoying buzzing night time bug that I don't recall it's name in english and don't want to use more internet to look for it), every few minutes I'd hear the buzz and used my hand to make it go away, I tought that maybe after I gave some blood itd go away but I just couldn't allow it, as soon as I heard it id scare it off , every few minutes for over 4 hours getting some rest but not REM sleep. At 4 am I gave up, stood up and did nothing till 7 am where I bought supplies and went on my way to near a river with the intent to bathe, but after reaching it I wasnt sure of the idea, it was empty and cold, but fortunately there was grass there also I set up my tent and slept 2 or 3 hours which felt very good, finally fully rested, a very big wasp camped outside my tent , otherwise id sleep more but the buzzing was distracting. This time I couldn't wait till night for it to go away, so I just left the tent when it seemed to go away for a while and quickly packed and went on my way , for me only then ended the first miserable day.
I don't want to type every single day detailed now despite some interesting and dangerous stuff happening (maybe ill type another day if you want) ill just say that I was and am always tired, yesterday I stayed at the same place for a day ( and still here today) but I'm still tired! My feet start hurting after walking a little bit even without the backpack (I leave it somewhere safe ), I do wonder if I overworked myself and am actually weaker now instead of stronger or if I need even more rest.
Im demotivated, not enjoying at all, at least I'm not alienated from what I do, what I do here has impact on me and I'm in control, on a job you do what you're told and that's it.
Don't know if I can go on for a month like this , but I also can't live at my parents forever and really don't want to work for anyone ( no matter what job I don't want any boss), if only I found a way to make a living for myself, I found one once but after making 2k in 2 or 3 months they limited my account, apparently you're only allowed to lose, fucking capitalism makes me sick. And now I don't know what to do
