TheCoyoteKing
Member
I'm introducing myself formally after a year or two of lurking and contributing nothing of value, yet it is with a heavy heart that I do so; you see, I am not currently moving and have no plans to do so in the immediate future. Having said that, if you'll indulge me a moment I will spell you a little tale...
I am nearly twenty-seven years old and have spent the better part of my life-somewhere around seventeen years, in fact-insulated comfortably in the suburbs surrounding Denver. I've led an uninspired, mundane life complete with long-term relationships that couldn't thaw ice and jobs that couldn't stimulate a fruit fly. Likely this seems familiar to some of you. Life went on much this way for many years, yet always leaving me with a profound sense of dis-ease; as though no matter what I did, I could never quite fit into the puzzle I was left with.
Some time ago, I discovered radical politics, and that helped alleviate some of the symptoms; at the very least it allowed me to blame someone else. As usual, though, I eventually ended up placing myself into an extraordinarily extreme position on this that left me back where I started-isolated and bored. I was, and am, that douchebag who can't just let people enjoy themselves and their little past-times without talk of domestication or civilization; I am the anarchist your anarchist friends hate.
This seemed a fruitless development in my life until the summer of last year. I was just coming out of a comfortable and overall healthy long-term relationship of one and a half years when, for no good reason I can identify, I snapped; my bi-polar "disorder" kicked into high manic gear and left yours truly, ever a paragon of social anxiety and introversion (INTP, watwat) hopping bars with strangers, meeting random women, drinking like a fish, the whole nine yards. I bit off more than I could chew, though, when I met one in particular.
She was my age and obviously of a different background; young, attractive, highly extroverted, intelligent, spontaneous; all the qualities I desired to see in manifesting in me. By unintentionally mirroring my ideal self, she set the state for the crush of a lifetime; this may not have been the worst thing if her and I were more emotionally stable, but we were not, so after the most exciting week of my life, it was over.
After years of emotional repression and inexplicable pride in my impartiality, I was brought to my knees at last. I spent the next week on the verge of suicide, unable to accept that I'd been had. Eventually I had to call my psychologist from years prior to snap out of it.
Long (sorry) story short, I recovered, as I always seem to. Once I got over hating her and every rock she stepped on, I realized quickly that despite the immense pain, I saw in that experience something I hadn't before; I saw myself living. Like, really doing so. It lit a spark that has stayed with me ever since. As a result, I started formulating a plan to challenge myself with the unexpected.
By December of last year, it was laid out; in May of this year, I would pack a few things and hit the road. Shortly after I discovered this website, and that helped solidify this. I was making preparations and readying myself to begin purchasing gear when in February of this year, my incessant browsing of OkCupid bit me again and I met one of the coolest women on the planet.
Young, beautiful, blonde, curvaceous, intelligent, experienced. Perfect combination. It was immediately apparent that she was not the usual Colorado stock; this had become increasingly important to me now. Metal music, World of Warcraft, social issues; we vibed on it all. At this point, I wish I could tell you we had a chaotic falling out, or that she cheated on me, or that I cheated on her and did myself in; but I cannot.
The reason for my heavy heart is that her and I are still together, and despite my overwhelming feelings for her, that old bug is calling me. This is made worse by the fact that slowly but surely I see in her the domesticated urges for security, safety, money, climate-control. Our initial conversations revolved around our both rubber tramping together, but that has since become living with four other people in a crummy house, pursuing careers, paying bills... hmm. These things alone are not in themselves bad, perhaps, but they began a bellowing assault to one whose only desire is too feel the wind, and I mean really feel the wind for a change, if you catch my drift.
Yet again, I am allowing myself to drift back into my old ways.
Well, what was meant to be a short intro turned into a lengthy essay; I'll cut my story off there, as it's degraded into panicked rambling. Anyway, you get the picture. I've been saying for over a year now that the first chance I get, I am hitting the road, be it by foot, by van or by motorcycle. I'm just starting to see that I may have to actively make it happen.
Hope y'all understand. Look forward to seeing what's up, meeting some folks here, learning some things. Even if I end up never leaving this suburban hell, I could probably use to had a hard day for once, no?
Much love, The Coyote King
I am nearly twenty-seven years old and have spent the better part of my life-somewhere around seventeen years, in fact-insulated comfortably in the suburbs surrounding Denver. I've led an uninspired, mundane life complete with long-term relationships that couldn't thaw ice and jobs that couldn't stimulate a fruit fly. Likely this seems familiar to some of you. Life went on much this way for many years, yet always leaving me with a profound sense of dis-ease; as though no matter what I did, I could never quite fit into the puzzle I was left with.
Some time ago, I discovered radical politics, and that helped alleviate some of the symptoms; at the very least it allowed me to blame someone else. As usual, though, I eventually ended up placing myself into an extraordinarily extreme position on this that left me back where I started-isolated and bored. I was, and am, that douchebag who can't just let people enjoy themselves and their little past-times without talk of domestication or civilization; I am the anarchist your anarchist friends hate.
This seemed a fruitless development in my life until the summer of last year. I was just coming out of a comfortable and overall healthy long-term relationship of one and a half years when, for no good reason I can identify, I snapped; my bi-polar "disorder" kicked into high manic gear and left yours truly, ever a paragon of social anxiety and introversion (INTP, watwat) hopping bars with strangers, meeting random women, drinking like a fish, the whole nine yards. I bit off more than I could chew, though, when I met one in particular.
She was my age and obviously of a different background; young, attractive, highly extroverted, intelligent, spontaneous; all the qualities I desired to see in manifesting in me. By unintentionally mirroring my ideal self, she set the state for the crush of a lifetime; this may not have been the worst thing if her and I were more emotionally stable, but we were not, so after the most exciting week of my life, it was over.
After years of emotional repression and inexplicable pride in my impartiality, I was brought to my knees at last. I spent the next week on the verge of suicide, unable to accept that I'd been had. Eventually I had to call my psychologist from years prior to snap out of it.
Long (sorry) story short, I recovered, as I always seem to. Once I got over hating her and every rock she stepped on, I realized quickly that despite the immense pain, I saw in that experience something I hadn't before; I saw myself living. Like, really doing so. It lit a spark that has stayed with me ever since. As a result, I started formulating a plan to challenge myself with the unexpected.
By December of last year, it was laid out; in May of this year, I would pack a few things and hit the road. Shortly after I discovered this website, and that helped solidify this. I was making preparations and readying myself to begin purchasing gear when in February of this year, my incessant browsing of OkCupid bit me again and I met one of the coolest women on the planet.
Young, beautiful, blonde, curvaceous, intelligent, experienced. Perfect combination. It was immediately apparent that she was not the usual Colorado stock; this had become increasingly important to me now. Metal music, World of Warcraft, social issues; we vibed on it all. At this point, I wish I could tell you we had a chaotic falling out, or that she cheated on me, or that I cheated on her and did myself in; but I cannot.
The reason for my heavy heart is that her and I are still together, and despite my overwhelming feelings for her, that old bug is calling me. This is made worse by the fact that slowly but surely I see in her the domesticated urges for security, safety, money, climate-control. Our initial conversations revolved around our both rubber tramping together, but that has since become living with four other people in a crummy house, pursuing careers, paying bills... hmm. These things alone are not in themselves bad, perhaps, but they began a bellowing assault to one whose only desire is too feel the wind, and I mean really feel the wind for a change, if you catch my drift.
Yet again, I am allowing myself to drift back into my old ways.
Well, what was meant to be a short intro turned into a lengthy essay; I'll cut my story off there, as it's degraded into panicked rambling. Anyway, you get the picture. I've been saying for over a year now that the first chance I get, I am hitting the road, be it by foot, by van or by motorcycle. I'm just starting to see that I may have to actively make it happen.
Hope y'all understand. Look forward to seeing what's up, meeting some folks here, learning some things. Even if I end up never leaving this suburban hell, I could probably use to had a hard day for once, no?
Much love, The Coyote King
Last edited: