Finding Sanity In An Insane World

[Alexander]

I'm writing this at a very confused and dark time in my mind, a time where I feel stuck, incapable and indifferent with all the choices that I am "supposed" to make as a human living on this speck of dust. Every day that goes by is one more day I lose myself in the stagnant mind that is my depression. I want so desperately to pack my very few belongings and leave for the sake of myself and my sanity, but I keep doubting my ability to do so. My world has collapsed since last year when I supposedly went "manic" in the Chicago area for about 5 months straight, now I am a ghost of that person feeling more dead than alive. I remember the rush I had when I was on the streets and never knew where the next train would take me, and I will admit that I felt almost supernaturally able to do things and I convinced myself that life was just a game. I didn't travel much further than the immediate surrounding areas of Chicago, and only got mugged once luckily.

I've been brought up Christian my entire life, and now that I really look into it the more insane it sounds. So, on top of the fact that I am alone, depressed, unmotivated, and underemployed, I am also questioning the existence of god as well. The ironic thing is that when I was "manic" god was everywhere and everything consisted of a supernatural presence.

At this point I just want to leave. I am too comfortable sleeping all day at my parents house and it is making me feel even worse. The docs say that I have bipolar, and feeling the way I am now there is a part of me that sees validity to that statement, but my environment could be a big part of it.


So here is my recent mindset

If I leave I might not survive and barely get by, if I stay it wouldn't have made much of a story.

 

[freedude2012]

venchure out if ya feel the need but your head up and your heart strong because no matter how long that long dark musty tunnel is there is always a bright new begining at the darks end bro. weve all been there and we always return from time to time we jus have to fight our back out again

 

[Alexander]

yeah that dark part really needs to fuck off now...If it doesn't go away I'm gonna have to do something to wake me up outta this coma. Might need to put some fire under my ass in this life in order to live and thrive.

 

[dprogram]

Being Bi-Polar is serious business but don't let the psychologists label you before you do some soul searching. Maybe the reason you "feel" depressed is because things aren't going the way you'd like. I know I feel down a bunch when my life seems to be at a low point. (which it currently is) It's common so don't beat yourself up about it. Just find something to occupy your mind and your time. Try to get a job. You'll waste time, get to interact with other people, and possibly have fun. It may not be for you though...I dont really like working but it's better than being bored. Being too bored makes me nutty. I say question the validity of "god" and religion in general...

"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring."
- Carl Sagan

 

[freedude2012]

heres a good fire if ur unhappy were u are. then let ur free spirit guide u to the end of that tunnel and back to freedom there are assholes out there but there are more ppl that are willin to help

 

[Alexander]

Being Bi-Polar is serious business but don't let the psychologists label you before you do some soul searching. Maybe the reason you "feel" depressed is because things aren't going the way you'd like. I know I feel down a bunch when my life seems to be at a low point. (which it currently is) It's common so don't beat yourself up about it. Just find something to occupy your mind and your time. Try to get a job. You'll waste time, get to interact with other people, and possibly have fun. It may not be for you though...I dont really like working but it's better than being bored. Being too bored makes me nutty. I say question the validity of "god" and religion in general...

"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring."
- Carl Sagan

Yeah, I def don't like the whole idea of labeling people like they do these days, I know it's a serious issue, but I feel like there are many more things that could help me feel better. I had a job for 5 years and it just seemed like there was always something not quite right there. I always had issues with doing everything exactly how they wanted it and they just started giving me shit hours so I left. I don't really see myself getting a full time job and "living the American dream" which I think is just a big scam for people to put more money into the monetary monster. One thing about being on the road, you never get bored haha. well sometimes but usually just to relax Oh yeah the more I read about religion the more Atheist I become, nice quote btw love Mr. Sagan.

 

[Alexander]

heres a good fire if ur unhappy were u are. then let ur free spirit guide u to the end of that tunnel and back to freedom there are assholes out there but there are more ppl that are willin to help

def agree man, life is a river let it flow. that's fire water ha

 

[freedude2012]

sometimes it is fire water sometimes its rough and at times its calm enough u can see ur own futcher in it

 

[Alexander]

damn straight man.

 

[freedude2012]

see things r already lookin up bro now ya jus got to find ur way to the light

 

[hunter]

Yeaht. I don't really see myself getting a full time job and "living the American dream" which I think is just a big scam for people to put more money into the monetary monster.

Why do you think they have a section on the american dream in history classes?

 

[freedude2012]

and we all have our own dreams just get out there and make them come true

 

[Alexander]

Why do you think they have a section on the american dream in history classes?

yeah i can see your point, happiness is my dream.

 

[freedude2012]

so persue your dream were ever it may take you its out there ya jus got to go find it

 

[dprogram]

I feel that what society places on us as far as "roles" go are nothing like what the human mind requires to be happy. The only standards we have to live up are our own man. I used to believe that I needed a degree, a high paying job, a wife, kids, a house with a white picket fence to be happy. Had the high paying job, grrl, and a house only to realize that I let myself get suckered into that. That's not what's important. Personal happiness is and it's not dependent on material things or other people.

"It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it." George Carlin

I agree with Freedude2012's above statement. You got this man.

 

[Sauv89]

Anyone in Chi h@ve 420 hook up? New to town and wanna smoke

 

[hunter]

Anyone in Chi h@ve 420 hook up? New to town and wanna smoke

Your real smart, aincha?

 

[freedude2012]

Anyone in Chi h@ve 420 hook up? New to town and wanna smoke

REALLY??

 

[barefootinbabylon]

I would suggest going on down to the local police station; they're generally in the know on where the dealers are.

 

[Alexander]

hahaha