Aurum
Active member
Hello, I'm just so glad to have found this resource, as it's quite a relief to find other like minds.
Well, long story short, I'm at the end of my teenage years, and upon some serious soul searching, coupled with plenty of lonely nights, I've found myself run-a-ground, both mentally and physically.
After many a night spent attempting to make my way in the capitalist cage I was born to, I realized I needed change, and, Not change in a monetary sense, but a real change, in the way I was conducting myself, in the way I looked at the world, and in the way I dreamt.
Upon realizing the flaws in my lifestyle, I spent a few days collapsing, falling and flailing, into my own mind with reckless abandon, I did little more then smoke weed, eat pizza and sleep. Now I know that sounds to be the "Good Life", but let me tell you, for me, it was a death sentence.
Now, I guess, I should tell you some of my depressing tale, growing up poor, with only a single mother, whom has the financial record akin to that of Greece, of us finally getting a brake, and moving from the ghetto to the sunny facade of suburbia. My untimely decision to become a Cannabis salesman, and ultimately of my sad trip down the rabbit hole, culminating in me being addicted to Mdma, attempting to live as an anarchist, all at the ripe age of 15.
It was shortly after finding myself penniless, homeless, addicted, and worst of all filled to the brim with contempt and apathy, that I was arrested.
Upon spending a week in solitary, I was released, a free man, or at least so I'd thought. It was when I got "home" that it really set in, the really real reality that I had become so apathetic to, and that reality was that I was a fucking corpse, merely a sad husk of myself.
I Then thought, for nearly a fort-night about everything, and at the same time, I was thinking about nothing. Life, and death.
The endless circle, the invisible hand guiding my movements, our part on a cosmic scale, all of it.
Then it hit me, like a bolt of fucking lightning, sent down by the gods themselfs, I arose from my ashes, and thought of all these wonderous things I was capable of. As elation ran rampant thru me, it was a high I had not known, a joy, void from my life for so long. This feeling, this euphoric sense flooding my being, was merely that of hope.
Hope in a better life, Hope that I might just make it out alive, and It was this hope that fueled my will, it was my will that kept my mind and body pure, and it was in this purity, this pious pursuit of self-help that I found myself a new man. Little did I know, I had slipped into the tightest fitting noose on the market, I got a job, I got a bank account, I got some "Friends" and, better then anything, I had a home, albeit more of a small dorm with 3 of us per room, but it was home.
It was only recently, October of 2014 to be specific, that I realized what I'd done.
I sacrificed myself, strung myself up, and let the invisible hand guide me like a fucking marionette. I was a Wage slave, and worse yet, I knew I chose this.
I felt confused, disgusted and again filled with contempt and apathy. Upon finding myself in a maelstrom of regrets and debts, I sought guidance.
Hoping my elders may hold knowledge unbeknownst to me, I listened, to everything. I turned off the real me, established a facade to please others, Got my own apartment, got a new job, put faith into a paycheck and once again found myself, a husk.
Only this time, I was deeper in debt, 20 years old, and alone. Burning from the inside out, ready to crawl from the wreckage of my false self, and arise the real me.
Now, I've spent most of the last few months, squatting in my apartment, looking for a foot in the door career wise whilst doing odd jobs, and in quite zen-like meditation, found who I am, who I was before suburbia, and what I'd like to do with the rest of my life. Thusly, I've decided to become pro-active, I'm living a nomadic lifestyle, attempting to establish some sort of collective of like-minds in my area, and moving forward on what seems like a purely pyrrhic endeavor to learn to sail, and live-a-float a boat.
Anyhow, thank you for reading this, much love to all you misfits. - Aurum
Well, long story short, I'm at the end of my teenage years, and upon some serious soul searching, coupled with plenty of lonely nights, I've found myself run-a-ground, both mentally and physically.
After many a night spent attempting to make my way in the capitalist cage I was born to, I realized I needed change, and, Not change in a monetary sense, but a real change, in the way I was conducting myself, in the way I looked at the world, and in the way I dreamt.
Upon realizing the flaws in my lifestyle, I spent a few days collapsing, falling and flailing, into my own mind with reckless abandon, I did little more then smoke weed, eat pizza and sleep. Now I know that sounds to be the "Good Life", but let me tell you, for me, it was a death sentence.
Now, I guess, I should tell you some of my depressing tale, growing up poor, with only a single mother, whom has the financial record akin to that of Greece, of us finally getting a brake, and moving from the ghetto to the sunny facade of suburbia. My untimely decision to become a Cannabis salesman, and ultimately of my sad trip down the rabbit hole, culminating in me being addicted to Mdma, attempting to live as an anarchist, all at the ripe age of 15.
It was shortly after finding myself penniless, homeless, addicted, and worst of all filled to the brim with contempt and apathy, that I was arrested.
Upon spending a week in solitary, I was released, a free man, or at least so I'd thought. It was when I got "home" that it really set in, the really real reality that I had become so apathetic to, and that reality was that I was a fucking corpse, merely a sad husk of myself.
I Then thought, for nearly a fort-night about everything, and at the same time, I was thinking about nothing. Life, and death.
The endless circle, the invisible hand guiding my movements, our part on a cosmic scale, all of it.
Then it hit me, like a bolt of fucking lightning, sent down by the gods themselfs, I arose from my ashes, and thought of all these wonderous things I was capable of. As elation ran rampant thru me, it was a high I had not known, a joy, void from my life for so long. This feeling, this euphoric sense flooding my being, was merely that of hope.
Hope in a better life, Hope that I might just make it out alive, and It was this hope that fueled my will, it was my will that kept my mind and body pure, and it was in this purity, this pious pursuit of self-help that I found myself a new man. Little did I know, I had slipped into the tightest fitting noose on the market, I got a job, I got a bank account, I got some "Friends" and, better then anything, I had a home, albeit more of a small dorm with 3 of us per room, but it was home.
It was only recently, October of 2014 to be specific, that I realized what I'd done.
I sacrificed myself, strung myself up, and let the invisible hand guide me like a fucking marionette. I was a Wage slave, and worse yet, I knew I chose this.
I felt confused, disgusted and again filled with contempt and apathy. Upon finding myself in a maelstrom of regrets and debts, I sought guidance.
Hoping my elders may hold knowledge unbeknownst to me, I listened, to everything. I turned off the real me, established a facade to please others, Got my own apartment, got a new job, put faith into a paycheck and once again found myself, a husk.
Only this time, I was deeper in debt, 20 years old, and alone. Burning from the inside out, ready to crawl from the wreckage of my false self, and arise the real me.
Now, I've spent most of the last few months, squatting in my apartment, looking for a foot in the door career wise whilst doing odd jobs, and in quite zen-like meditation, found who I am, who I was before suburbia, and what I'd like to do with the rest of my life. Thusly, I've decided to become pro-active, I'm living a nomadic lifestyle, attempting to establish some sort of collective of like-minds in my area, and moving forward on what seems like a purely pyrrhic endeavor to learn to sail, and live-a-float a boat.
Anyhow, thank you for reading this, much love to all you misfits. - Aurum
