I hope you guys get a kick outa this one it always gets a good laugh when i tell it as long as i tell it right.
So me and a few of my friends were in the woods we always used to chill in, just hanging out. We shoplifted some vegan hot dogs and bought some hummus and chips which I just couldnt seem to fit down my pants sadly. Ronny was trying to get the fire going because he prided himself on his "survival skills" which really he knew jack shit about (for some strange reason he was wearing a very expnsive suit too, to this day i have no idea why). I was probably off to the side messing around with my girlfriend at the time, high cause i was always high back then. The rest of my friends were either helping with the fire or just chillin. Finally after about a half hour of watching this kid try to start the shit with leaves and being too stubborn to take any advice i go over, rip a piece of my tshirt off, light it and get the fire going. So now were cooking vegan hot dogs over an open flame and eating garlic and pepper hummus on potato chips. Were talking, laughing, havinga good time. One of my friends suggests we should all hang out naked. I second the motion and so do a few others. So now four out of the seven of us are chilling naked around a fire cooking tofu dogs(i would not suggest doing that to anyone in retrospect the consequences could have been tragic).My girlfriends off to the side being all jealous and shit, Im just like half the people here have seen me naked more times then you have whats the big deal? Anyway after about a half hour i see some headlights in the warehouse parking lot about a half a mile away and normally theres no one over there, its just a truck but i get a bad feeling and decide to throw my pants back on in case i had to run even though cops never come back there. Five minutes later we see a few flashlights bobbing in the distance. The rest of my friends start debating what to do, wondering whether its cops or kids because you get a fair amount of kids who go back there to drink and are afraid of the dark because theey might break a heel or some shit. I dont bother fucking debating this shit im already grabbin my shirt and taking off. I aint waiting to find out. So me and the only other kid with a brain who decided to run are jetting in the other direction, which is a series of large boulders capable of snapping your leg clean in two should you miss your step and fall in the crack between them followed by a series of logs and small rocks you must hop across to stop from falling in swamp muck, in almost pitch darkness. We get to the outskirts of the woods by the warehouse which again is about half a mile no probably a quarter mile from our spot and a little higher up so we can see whats going on. Were standing on these old railroad tracks that are pretty much out of use trying to see what was happening and make sure we werent followed( which wasnt likely due to the path we took). I start vomiting the best tasting vomit in the world, remember i just combined about four tofu dogs probably half a container off hummus potato chips a bag of heroin(snorted) and a quarter mile sprint. Just after i finish vomiting i here "Freeze Police!" and get a spotlight put on me from the wharehouse parking lot. Fuck this im out. My friend had the same idea and had already took off. Being that he grew up in this town and i didnt i follow his lead and take off down the tracks toward town. I never looked back but as far as i know i had a cop running down the tracks behind. Thankfullly my friend knew a shortcut off the tracks before we got to the main road involving a cut through through thick brush that doesnt look like anyone could get through it that landed us on a side street. We realize no one followed us this far and duck behind a car to catch our breath and get a game plan together. I point out that one of our friends, who didnt run( later found out he couldnt find his backback and refused to leave it behind, which was stupid because it contained knives and enough drugs to get a felony which they surprisingly never found), moms boyfriend lives a few houses away and maybe we could lay low there. We ring the doorbell but no ones home so we decide to just hide out in his back yard. Next thing we know theres a full blown manhunt out for us( lets not get into how fucked up it is to put together a police force to catch tresspassing teenagers).Were seeing police cars driving down the two adjacent streets, first they ran by real quick then they started creeping down real slow so we could see there headlights long before they could see us. So were commando crawling back and forth between the house and the retaining wall trying to dodge the view of these cops.At one point a cops on foot had walked up to scan the yards with his flashlight and was literalyy feet away from us around the corner of the house. After an hour things lighten up enough that my friends girlfriend feels safe enough to pick us up. We get back to my friends house (the back pack one) which is kinda like the crash spot for all the local fuck ups burn outs and runaways and his girlfriend goes to meet his mom at the police station to get him out. Were all happy having got through that mess and were rehashing the nights events to my friends brother when his mom walks in......
"Chase, Abe you got warrants for your arrest Ronny ratted you out."
"Fuck"
Moral of this story, being a naked vegan hippy in the woods will get you arrested or maybe dont hang out with rich assholes that pretend to be anarchists, can quote noam chomsky and talk politics, but dont now shit about solidarity or anarchy in practice.
So me and a few of my friends were in the woods we always used to chill in, just hanging out. We shoplifted some vegan hot dogs and bought some hummus and chips which I just couldnt seem to fit down my pants sadly. Ronny was trying to get the fire going because he prided himself on his "survival skills" which really he knew jack shit about (for some strange reason he was wearing a very expnsive suit too, to this day i have no idea why). I was probably off to the side messing around with my girlfriend at the time, high cause i was always high back then. The rest of my friends were either helping with the fire or just chillin. Finally after about a half hour of watching this kid try to start the shit with leaves and being too stubborn to take any advice i go over, rip a piece of my tshirt off, light it and get the fire going. So now were cooking vegan hot dogs over an open flame and eating garlic and pepper hummus on potato chips. Were talking, laughing, havinga good time. One of my friends suggests we should all hang out naked. I second the motion and so do a few others. So now four out of the seven of us are chilling naked around a fire cooking tofu dogs(i would not suggest doing that to anyone in retrospect the consequences could have been tragic).My girlfriends off to the side being all jealous and shit, Im just like half the people here have seen me naked more times then you have whats the big deal? Anyway after about a half hour i see some headlights in the warehouse parking lot about a half a mile away and normally theres no one over there, its just a truck but i get a bad feeling and decide to throw my pants back on in case i had to run even though cops never come back there. Five minutes later we see a few flashlights bobbing in the distance. The rest of my friends start debating what to do, wondering whether its cops or kids because you get a fair amount of kids who go back there to drink and are afraid of the dark because theey might break a heel or some shit. I dont bother fucking debating this shit im already grabbin my shirt and taking off. I aint waiting to find out. So me and the only other kid with a brain who decided to run are jetting in the other direction, which is a series of large boulders capable of snapping your leg clean in two should you miss your step and fall in the crack between them followed by a series of logs and small rocks you must hop across to stop from falling in swamp muck, in almost pitch darkness. We get to the outskirts of the woods by the warehouse which again is about half a mile no probably a quarter mile from our spot and a little higher up so we can see whats going on. Were standing on these old railroad tracks that are pretty much out of use trying to see what was happening and make sure we werent followed( which wasnt likely due to the path we took). I start vomiting the best tasting vomit in the world, remember i just combined about four tofu dogs probably half a container off hummus potato chips a bag of heroin(snorted) and a quarter mile sprint. Just after i finish vomiting i here "Freeze Police!" and get a spotlight put on me from the wharehouse parking lot. Fuck this im out. My friend had the same idea and had already took off. Being that he grew up in this town and i didnt i follow his lead and take off down the tracks toward town. I never looked back but as far as i know i had a cop running down the tracks behind. Thankfullly my friend knew a shortcut off the tracks before we got to the main road involving a cut through through thick brush that doesnt look like anyone could get through it that landed us on a side street. We realize no one followed us this far and duck behind a car to catch our breath and get a game plan together. I point out that one of our friends, who didnt run( later found out he couldnt find his backback and refused to leave it behind, which was stupid because it contained knives and enough drugs to get a felony which they surprisingly never found), moms boyfriend lives a few houses away and maybe we could lay low there. We ring the doorbell but no ones home so we decide to just hide out in his back yard. Next thing we know theres a full blown manhunt out for us( lets not get into how fucked up it is to put together a police force to catch tresspassing teenagers).Were seeing police cars driving down the two adjacent streets, first they ran by real quick then they started creeping down real slow so we could see there headlights long before they could see us. So were commando crawling back and forth between the house and the retaining wall trying to dodge the view of these cops.At one point a cops on foot had walked up to scan the yards with his flashlight and was literalyy feet away from us around the corner of the house. After an hour things lighten up enough that my friends girlfriend feels safe enough to pick us up. We get back to my friends house (the back pack one) which is kinda like the crash spot for all the local fuck ups burn outs and runaways and his girlfriend goes to meet his mom at the police station to get him out. Were all happy having got through that mess and were rehashing the nights events to my friends brother when his mom walks in......
"Chase, Abe you got warrants for your arrest Ronny ratted you out."
"Fuck"
Moral of this story, being a naked vegan hippy in the woods will get you arrested or maybe dont hang out with rich assholes that pretend to be anarchists, can quote noam chomsky and talk politics, but dont now shit about solidarity or anarchy in practice.
