"As I walked through the wilderness of this world, I lighted on a certain place, where was a den; and I laid me down in that place to sleep: and as I slept, I dreamed a dream. I dreamed, and, behold, 'I saw a man clothed with rags, standing in a certain place, with his face from his own house, a book in his hand, and a great burden upon his back.'"
– John Bunyan, Pilgrim's Progress
"Elliott: 'Brave and true.' Did you know the origin of 'brave' evolved from 'savage'? … You know, funny thing. My name [Fernando] means something similar. 'Brave traveler.' 'Adventurer.' 'Savage traveler' becomes 'brave traveler.' Are we savages, or are we brave?"
– Fernando Vera, Mr. Robot s1 e6 "br4ve-trave1er.asf"
There's a common thread throughout folklore and mythology that I call the "drifter hero." You can see it as far back as the knights-errant of medieval legend, who would travel around basically looking for trouble to solve. The trope probably dates back further, back to the point where we were all nomads anyway, before we'd discovered agriculture.
Ever since that point, our culture has given a weird mystique to those who continue one of the oldest traditional lifestyles. There's fear in the common perception of gypsies and lone drifters, but more often than not, there's also a deep respect and a yearning for the freedom of life on the road.
More recently, the trope (I hesitate to call it an archetype) has been embodied in the cowboy hero in American pop-culture. I would argue that it's been continued in the modern American perception of the soldier-hero type during the War on Terror, which has a lot of problematic implications (but that's another discussion entirely).
These characters tend to have three things in common: 1) a deep-rooted code of honor that compels them to fight for justice despite any reservations they might have, 2) the ruthlessness and competence needed to win these fights, and 3) the ability to walk away from it all ("ride off into the sunset"), which is also their most tragic quality. They are free agents, with no attachments, but therefore no ability to hold onto much love or warmth in their lives.
Obviously, there are other types of drifters commonly portrayed in fiction. The heroic one is just the most idealistic and arguably the most popular. But mythology isn't really the point of this post. The point is reality. Why do drifters exist? Why do some of us actively choose a lifestyle of constant displacement?
As for me, I grew up in a military family. We moved all the time. Travel was a way of life. Not just a vacation, but a lifestyle. And the military as a way of life as ground into me, too – 24-hour time, strict schedules, efficient gear … add to that a deep-rooted sense of moral obligation (which really came from superhero movies more so than from religion), and you have a young man who grew up into essentially the real-life version of the "drifter hero" trope described above.
The weird thing about identity is that it's usually there from the start. You just have to learn to stop fighting it. You have to learn to accept yourself for who you really are. As I've discovered, being homeless kinda sucks. Still, I wouldn't trade this life for anything. Every decision, no matter how bad, played a part in leading up to something better than anything I could have consciously planned.
I'd love to get a vehicle and rubbertramp, and I'll probably be housed at several points in the future – hopefully soon, because I'm nearly broke, and being homeless is one thing and being broke is another, but being homeless and broke just fucking sucks – but I don't see myself ever really "settling down." I used to tell myself that experimenting with a vagabond lifestyle was batshit insane, and hell, maybe it is, but the fact is that it just terrified me, as I imagine it terrifies most "normal" people. The fact is, we're all gonna die. The only difference this way is that I'll die doing what I love instead of trying to fit into a mold that was never made for me.
Just to be clear, nobody should throw their life away in the pursuit of some idealistic fantasy. I chose this life because I felt I had nowhere else to turn at a very dark time in my life , and because every previous experience has led up to this being perfect for me. If any of you reading this are housed, have a family that loves them and that you love back, and have a good future with a "normal" life, then please – don't take it for granted. You should probably continue as you are. There are a very small number of us that I believe should be living our lives on the road, and it's mainly to comfort them that I write this.
So to those of us with great burdens on our backs, I choose to believe that we are not savages, but brave travelers. I salute you all, and I celebrate our existence as one amazing piece of the puzzle of human existence. Slainte Mhath.
