Tips on not fitting in?

[Nickseck]

Hey everyone,

I recently graduated from college and I’m saving up money as a DoorDashing driver so I can pursue my dream of living nomadically and visiting every county in the United States. I’ve already completed 13 states and I plan to finish up the East Coast next year.
Most of my friends from school are in long term relationships and establishing themselves in a career. I don’t have any friends who are interested in a similar lifestyle. Sometimes I feel alone and like I have no one to relate to.
Does anyone have advice for me? I would appreciate it. Thanks

 

[Jimmy Beans]

Don't really have any tips on not fitting in, but I think you're in the right place. I'm not sure any of us really "fit in". That's kinda one of the things that most of us can relate to. You can make friends here! We have a weekly discord voice chat, I think they're even doing movie night on discord, watching them together in sync and chatting over, probably a lot like Mystery Science Theatre. Maybe jump into one of those discord nights, hang out.

 

[Nickseck]

Thanks a bunch man. Where can I find more information on that?

 

[MetalBryan]

I don't know about covid times, but as a former host of a Food Not Bombs chapter I let plenty of folks who didn't fit in into my life. Most were cool and we're still friends. More than a few were assholes who wrecked shit because they were pissed at the world. Don't be like them and you'll at least get a free vegan meal every week. There's chapters everywhere so you can find one in at least the major metro areas. Some are just a few anarchists making soup. Some are communities that have gotten so large (Long Island) that they're called something else now and meet three days a week.

 

[Jimmy Beans]

The three orange bars on the top left of the page, the menu. Down a ways is a "chat" link. That's the invite to the discord server.

Thanks a bunch man. Where can I find more information on that?

 

[ali]

The tips of finding like-minded folks online are good.

However, in real life, most people that you meet will not be regular travelers. I think it helps to try find things you can do to thoroughly entertain yourself so that you don't need to rely on others when you are feeling a bit alone. Whether you enjoy reading, or hiking, or playing music, or whatever - if you have a hobby you can take with you wherever you go, then it can center you and comfort you.

The other thing that i personally like to do, although it probably isn't for everyone, is hang out in bars. Talk to the locals, get to know them, make a brief connection, then move on. Don't choose a busy bar or a place that looks like it'll be rough. If you go in the afternoon things are usually quiet and safe. You can chat to the bartender or meet people who got off work early. Almost certainly they will not have a life like yours, but that doesn't matter. Locals are often keen to hear a bit of your story and maybe share about that one time they were young and did some crazy shit before settling down. It's not going to be a deep or intimate connection, but it is some kind of human contact that reminds you that even though we don't all have the same lifestyles, we do all like to make connections and tell stories.

If you don't drink, finding a diner with a breakfast bar is good. Since you got a car you will likely find places with truckers, bikers, RVers and so on. They might give you some good tips on where to go next!

 

[Nickseck]

The tips of finding like-minded folks online are good.

However, in real life, most people that you meet will not be regular travelers. I think it helps to try find things you can do to thoroughly entertain yourself so that you don't need to rely on others when you are feeling a bit alone. Whether you enjoy reading, or hiking, or playing music, or whatever - if you have a hobby you can take with you wherever you go, then it can center you and comfort you.

The other thing that i personally like to do, although it probably isn't for everyone, is hang out in bars. Talk to the locals, get to know them, make a brief connection, then move on. Don't choose a busy bar or a place that looks like it'll be rough. If you go in the afternoon things are usually quiet and safe. You can chat to the bartender or meet people who got off work early. Almost certainly they will not have a life like yours, but that doesn't matter. Locals are often keen to hear a bit of your story and maybe share about that one time they were young and did some crazy shit before settling down. It's not going to be a deep or intimate connection, but it is some kind of human contact that reminds you that even though we don't all have the same lifestyles, we do all like to make connections and tell stories.

If you don't drink, finding a diner with a breakfast bar is good. Since you got a car you will likely find places with truckers, bikers, RVers and so on. They might give you some good tips on where to go next!

Thanks a lot! These are all good things to keep in mind and work on for myself. I really appreciate it!

 

[Deleted member 23824]

Gotta ask because, you know, I’m an asshole - what was the whole point of spending that time in college if your dream is to be a nomad?

Will your degree (DoorDash Delivery?) come in handy supporting yourself while on the road? I am always intrigued by people’s thought/decision-making processes.

But I am not the sharpest tack in the drawer, and continue my foolish decisions on a daily basis at age 60.

 

[Matt Derrick]

Hey everyone,

I recently graduated from college and I’m saving up money as a DoorDashing driver so I can pursue my dream of living nomadically and visiting every county in the United States. I’ve already completed 13 states and I plan to finish up the East Coast next year.
Most of my friends from school are in long term relationships and establishing themselves in a career. I don’t have any friends who are interested in a similar lifestyle. Sometimes I feel alone and like I have no one to relate to.
Does anyone have advice for me? I would appreciate it. Thanks

I definitely know that feeling of not fitting in, especially when you try to explain what you want to do with your life to 'normies'. It's also a great feeling to be amongst people that have similar views or passions, especially when it's hard to find that group of people.

Like others have said though, I think you're in the right place, we definitely understand what this stuff is like. As @Eng JR Lupo RV323 mentioned, join the discord chat server if you'd like some live interactions, I'm on there most of the time. We indeed do a voice chat every Wednesday at 7pm CST, and I'm still trying to organize a movie night that happens consistently.

https://discord.com/invite/R6Hwjmh

 

[Fritz]

Nothing wrong with not fitting in. I don't want to dive too deep with my criticisms of society, lord knows I could rattle on a books worth and bore the shit outta all ya, but my abridged version is that you'd have to be crazy as hell to think the way most people live in this country or
should I say in the way people are forced to adapt in order to live in this country is geared towards fulfillment, happiness and discovery. It's a bummer, to say the least, that there's either real stigma from society for living differently or this weird internal psychological stigma we have to tamp down in ourselves that creates these imaginary road blocks or debates with ourselves as if we should ask for permission for how we want to live - like a weird guilt of sorts. I have a sneaking suspicion that that guilt comes from societal conditioning. Maybe that's just me, I'm a weirdo and get way too far up in my head sometimes. Like most, I'm always analyzing society - always coming to the conclusion that it's them not me that's fucked up, lol. That said the psyche can be a cruel mistress to say the least and don't we all know that feeling when chosen solitude does a flip on ya, betrays you for whatever reason and turns into heart hurting isolation. The culprit is usually a triggering brought on by nostalgia or at least it is with most cases I deal with. Since we are social creatures it is wise to seek out "the others", but I can't tell you how many times I've had to be my own cheerleader, therapist, etc., you name it...my psyche has worn many hats as I'm sure ,so has yours.

Hey Nickseck, this is the part where I try to recruit you into the thru-hiking lifestyle, lol. I'm like a Jehovah's Witness with that shit. I humbly recommend you look into hiking the PCT, Appalachian Trail or Continental Divide Trail. Lots of misfits from all over and depending on your speed you can check out of society for 5-6 months at a time. You're also allowed to smell all the time without judgement because everyone else smells just as bad. Thru-hiking can also give you just the right amount of social interaction because it's entirely up to you if you want to pace yourself as so to camp and chill with others or you can just lone wolf that shit. Get your gear, get your "plant medicine", get your phone loaded up on audio-books and podcasts, sleep under the stars in the middle of fucking nowhere man. There are snakes and at times mountain lions and bears- depends on the trail...so there's that to ponder...but you can also get hurt or killed in the "real world" so what does it matter ? Safety is an illusion.

Dude, I haven't met ya, but I wish you the best because basic people bore me. Keep on keeping on and keep seeking. Try to live life like you're doing research for a novel and even if you never get around to actually writing that novel...how sweet would it be if that's the only regret that haunts you on your death bed ? At least you lived.


-Toodles.

 

[animus1012]

That was really inspiring and well said. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 25988]

Hey everyone,

I recently graduated from college and I’m saving up money as a DoorDashing driver so I can pursue my dream of living nomadically and visiting every county in the United States. I’ve already completed 13 states and I plan to finish up the East Coast next year.
Most of my friends from school are in long term relationships and establishing themselves in a career. I don’t have any friends who are interested in a similar lifestyle. Sometimes I feel alone and like I have no one to relate to.
Does anyone have advice for me? I would appreciate it. Thanks

Dude just be yourself amd don't worry about "fitting in." I tried for years to do the right thing, I was married once, had a condo and a job $50k/ywar. Bro I was fucking miserable. got divorced, sold place (at a loss!) And bought a car. slept in it for a year and have been vagabonding all over.

As long as you're not an asshole you'll be fine. The SINGLE MOST important thing is your happiness. Also you'll learn to not give a fuck about what other people think. Just be you, be positive and other people will gravitate towards your energy. That's what I've found anyway.

 

[Nickseck]

Gotta ask because, you know, I’m an asshole - what was the whole point of spending that time in college if your dream is to be a nomad?

Will your degree (DoorDash Delivery?) come in handy supporting yourself while on the road? I am always intrigued by people’s thought/decision-making processes.

But I am not the sharpest tack in the drawer, and continue my foolish decisions on a daily basis at age 60.

I didn’t go to college with the intention of traveling to every county in the United States. I came up with this idea my freshman year. Even so, since that time I’ve had many potential approaches to doing this. One included becoming an investment banker and working for a number of years to save up money and then travel. I quickly dismissed this idea. The next idea was to work remotely while traveling (also would require a degree). I maintained this idea until after I graduated. During the pandemic I started doordashing for some extra income and I learned that I could make decent money and do this anywhere. Because of scholarships and financial aid, my degree was more or less free and I have no debt. I decided that it would be a waste to force myself to use my degree if it wasn’t conductive to my goals. I love being my own boss and being more or less location independent. If I ever feel like working a “real” job, I’ll still have this piece of paper.

 

[Nickseck]

Dude just be yourself amd don't worry about "fitting in." I tried for years to do the right thing, I was married once, had a condo and a job $50k/ywar. Bro I was fucking miserable. got divorced, sold place (at a loss!) And bought a car. slept in it for a year and have been vagabonding all over.

As long as you're not an asshole you'll be fine. The SINGLE MOST important thing is your happiness. Also you'll learn to not give a fuck about what other people think. Just be you, be positive and other people will gravitate towards your energy. That's what I've found anyway.

Thanks dude. I really appreciate that. And your story resonates with me because you tried the “normal” path and realized it wasn’t for you. I’m young (22), and I know what makes me happy. I know that I have a love for travel and adventure and all that other stuff. I feel a lot of pressure of conform and do what everyone else is doing, but I really don’t want to and I won’t. I’m glad to hear that you took control of your life back. That’s a very brave thing to do, especially when you’re already “committed” to one lifestyle. Most people don’t have the courage to make major changes when they realize they are miserable. Thank you for sharing your story

 

[Nickseck]

I definitely know that feeling of not fitting in, especially when you try to explain what you want to do with your life to 'normies'. It's also a great feeling to be amongst people that have similar views or passions, especially when it's hard to find that group of people.

Like others have said though, I think you're in the right place, we definitely understand what this stuff is like. As @Eng JR Lupo RV323 mentioned, join the discord chat server if you'd like some live interactions, I'm on there most of the time. We indeed do a voice chat every Wednesday at 7pm CST, and I'm still trying to organize a movie night that happens consistently.

https://discord.com/invite/R6Hwjmh

Thanks for the invite! I’m working on joining the discord server now

 

[Nickseck]

Nothing wrong with not fitting in. I don't want to dive too deep with my criticisms of society, lord knows I could rattle on a books worth and bore the shit outta all ya, but my abridged version is that you'd have to be crazy as hell to think the way most people live in this country or
should I say in the way people are forced to adapt in order to live in this country is geared towards fulfillment, happiness and discovery. It's a bummer, to say the least, that there's either real stigma from society for living differently or this weird internal psychological stigma we have to tamp down in ourselves that creates these imaginary road blocks or debates with ourselves as if we should ask for permission for how we want to live - like a weird guilt of sorts. I have a sneaking suspicion that that guilt comes from societal conditioning. Maybe that's just me, I'm a weirdo and get way too far up in my head sometimes. Like most, I'm always analyzing society - always coming to the conclusion that it's them not me that's fucked up, lol. That said the psyche can be a cruel mistress to say the least and don't we all know that feeling when chosen solitude does a flip on ya, betrays you for whatever reason and turns into heart hurting isolation. The culprit is usually a triggering brought on by nostalgia or at least it is with most cases I deal with. Since we are social creatures it is wise to seek out "the others", but I can't tell you how many times I've had to be my own cheerleader, therapist, etc., you name it...my psyche has worn many hats as I'm sure ,so has yours.

Hey Nickseck, this is the part where I try to recruit you into the thru-hiking lifestyle, lol. I'm like a Jehovah's Witness with that shit. I humbly recommend you look into hiking the PCT, Appalachian Trail or Continental Divide Trail. Lots of misfits from all over and depending on your speed you can check out of society for 5-6 months at a time. You're also allowed to smell all the time without judgement because everyone else smells just as bad. Thru-hiking can also give you just the right amount of social interaction because it's entirely up to you if you want to pace yourself as so to camp and chill with others or you can just lone wolf that shit. Get your gear, get your "plant medicine", get your phone loaded up on audio-books and podcasts, sleep under the stars in the middle of fucking nowhere man. There are snakes and at times mountain lions and bears- depends on the trail...so there's that to ponder...but you can also get hurt or killed in the "real world" so what does it matter ? Safety is an illusion.

Dude, I haven't met ya, but I wish you the best because basic people bore me. Keep on keeping on and keep seeking. Try to live life like you're doing research for a novel and even if you never get around to actually writing that novel...how sweet would it be if that's the only regret that haunts you on your death bed ? At least you lived.


-Toodles.

That was incredibly well put! Thank you for your inspiration and sharing your experiences. It makes me feel better to know that there are other people out there who feel like me and are making the most of it. I really appreciate it

 

[Deleted member 23824]

As requested, I have a few tips on not fitting in:

1.Bathe as infrequently as possible.
2. Never allow someone to talk, especially about themselves, for more than a minute. Perfect the craft of redirecting all conversations so that you are the focal point.
3. When a few people get together, always fail to contribute food, snacks, beers. Just accept what God has provided through others. After all, they will gain their reward in Heaven, you get instant gratification.
4. Make sure everyone feels the pain you are suffering, whether an exploded pimple, or a traumatic life experience. Do it all day long each time you meet friends/strangers - anyone, really.
5. Never be the first to contact past friends/acquaintances to renew a friendship or deepen one. Just maintain radio silence while stewing about how no one ever reciprocates or reaches out to you. Remember, Quid Pro Quo is the name of the game here.

These are but a few of the life lessons learned in my sixty years. YMMV, works for me. Bound to be many more for each individual. You’re welcome.

 

[NewMexicoJim]

Fitting in is overrated. Being comfortable in your own skin the way.

 

[GelXeS]

Nothing wrong with not fitting in. I don't want to dive too deep with my criticisms of society, lord knows I could rattle on a books worth and bore the shit outta all ya, but my abridged version is that you'd have to be crazy as hell to think the way most people live in this country or
should I say in the way people are forced to adapt in order to live in this country is geared towards fulfillment, happiness and discovery. It's a bummer, to say the least, that there's either real stigma from society for living differently or this weird internal psychological stigma we have to tamp down in ourselves that creates these imaginary road blocks or debates with ourselves as if we should ask for permission for how we want to live - like a weird guilt of sorts. I have a sneaking suspicion that that guilt comes from societal conditioning. Maybe that's just me, I'm a weirdo and get way too far up in my head sometimes. Like most, I'm always analyzing society - always coming to the conclusion that it's them not me that's fucked up, lol. That said the psyche can be a cruel mistress to say the least and don't we all know that feeling when chosen solitude does a flip on ya, betrays you for whatever reason and turns into heart hurting isolation. The culprit is usually a triggering brought on by nostalgia or at least it is with most cases I deal with. Since we are social creatures it is wise to seek out "the others", but I can't tell you how many times I've had to be my own cheerleader, therapist, etc., you name it...my psyche has worn many hats as I'm sure ,so has yours.

Hey Nickseck, this is the part where I try to recruit you into the thru-hiking lifestyle, lol. I'm like a Jehovah's Witness with that shit. I humbly recommend you look into hiking the PCT, Appalachian Trail or Continental Divide Trail. Lots of misfits from all over and depending on your speed you can check out of society for 5-6 months at a time. You're also allowed to smell all the time without judgement because everyone else smells just as bad. Thru-hiking can also give you just the right amount of social interaction because it's entirely up to you if you want to pace yourself as so to camp and chill with others or you can just lone wolf that shit. Get your gear, get your "plant medicine", get your phone loaded up on audio-books and podcasts, sleep under the stars in the middle of fucking nowhere man. There are snakes and at times mountain lions and bears- depends on the trail...so there's that to ponder...but you can also get hurt or killed in the your giving "real world" so what does it matter ? Safety is an illusion.

Dude, I haven't met ya, but I wish you the best because basic people bore me. Keep on keeping on and keep seeking. Try to live life like you're doing research for a novel and even if you never get around to actually writing that novel...how sweet would it be if that's the only regret that haunts you on your death bed ? At least you lived.


-Toodles.

 

[Tekamthi]

Carry cigarettes, even if you don't smoke... striking up a conversation with locals is much easier after offering small gift such as this; and nomad or not, the human psyche needs at least a little face-to-face interaction with others to stay healthy. Even when declined, your offer will be received by most as benevolent and friendly, and often buy you at least a quick chat.