JackieBlue
Well-known member
When Starchild was 3 months old, Throw Away girl and Soul Starer found a cabin, in Elk to sublet for 3 months. The cabin was set high up on the ridge in the pygmy pine forest. It was a small, L shaped, old growth redwood cabin. When you first walked through the split door (one of those that you can open the top half or the lower half independently); if you looked immediately to the right there was a small hand welded wood stove and a couch right next to it. In the long part of the L was the kitchen/dining area. There was a large window right next to the table that looked out to some bird feeders. If you went to the left upon entering the door there was a small hall area which had a dresser then directly in front of you was a small turn around bathroom. On the outside of the bathroom wall was a ladder that led up to a loft with a giant feather bed in it. The loft was set up on top of the bathroom in a dormer. The dormer had windows covering all three sides of it; so that you could look out into the forest from your bed. It was like sleeping outside with the luxury of not dealing with inclement weather. They all loved the cabin, and really had some wonderful family times there.
That winter was an unusual winter, in that it snowed several times on the coast. A couple of the storms left 4-6 inches of snow on the ground. It may have been one of the places that got the most snow on the northern coast that year, because Elk has one of the highest and steepest elevations above sea level , in that area. It was beautiful to lie in a warm bed together, as a family and watch the snow fall. to watch the snow slip off the rhododendrons onto the ground as it melted, to listen to the wind whip around the cabin while they were safe inside. Starchild celebrated his first Oestre there. They colored eggs with natural dyes, using wax to make patterns on the eggs. He fell in love with his airplane bouncing seat and learned to crawl during that time.
They felt safe then, but something went terribly wrong. Something happened to Soul Starer while they lived in Elk. Looking back, throw away girl isn't sure exactly how it happened. Maybe it was the pressure of a new family, or it could have been the painful memories that family had for him, or maybe even that Throw Away Girl just asked for it. They began having this argument at night. Starchild wouldn't stay asleep for more than an hour at a time. He didn't ever sleep through the night. Typical for most babies, but this was something a little different. He would scream and cry every time that Throw Away Girl would put him down(they found out later that he had a herniated diaphragm and that he was having severe acid reflux when he was lying down.) She was often up for most of the night tending to him. Soul Starer often slept right through all of it. Sometimes throw Away girl would wake him up to help her, and he would ask, "What do you want me to do? He just wants you."
Throw Away Girl asked him if he would at least get up sometimes to help keep the fire going at night. He told her that since she was up that she might as well go down and put wood in the stove. Throw Away girl resented this. why should she do everything? She was already exhausted from taking care of Starchild. why wasn't it Soul Starers job to help out a little bit. She asked him to compromise. Would he get up every other time? The answer was still no. Their arguments about this just escalated over time, until one night.
Throw Away Girl had woken up Soul Starer, because she wanted him to help her. They started arguing about the responsibilities. They went down stairs, all the time yelling at each other. He told her that she was selfish and that it wasn't fair for him to lose sleep just because they were losing it. Throw Away Girl asked him why he was even there then. That is when he reached out and grabbed her by the shirt and shook her violently, then threw her to the floor, ripping her shirt completely off her. She lay there on the floor sobbing, in shock from the whole thing. This wasn't supposed to be happening. How could he do this? Where did this come from? Why her? He was in shock too.
She sat up and took the shreds (of what happened to be her favorite purple and green tie dye Dead t-shirt) off her body. He looked at her with wide eyes as she sobbed. He said "Maybe we can fix it." She stood up and opened the door to the fireplace. She threw every last shred of the t-shirt into the fire. She turned to look at him and with all the malice she could muster, she said "There. I fed the fire, are you happy?"
He turned and headed for the door where he told her that she had asked for this, she deserved this, and that he was leaving. He slammed the door behind him and sped away recklessly in their car. Still sobbng she ran to the door, and screamed how really fucked up and selfish he was. He turned the car around and came back, almost crashing into the house. He ran up the stairs of the porch at her. She turned and ran to slam the door behind her, but he caught up with her and pushed her to the floor with the weight of the door. He said "You are such a fucking bitch. I should knock you down again." He didn't though, instead he turned and left, squealing out of the driveway again.
He came back three days later, apologizing and saying that he didn't know what was wrong with him, that she shouldn't be treated that way, and that he loved her and Starchild more than anything in the world. She forgave him. He was the father of her baby, but it was only the first time, of many times that he would hit her, or verbally or emotionally abuse her.
That winter was an unusual winter, in that it snowed several times on the coast. A couple of the storms left 4-6 inches of snow on the ground. It may have been one of the places that got the most snow on the northern coast that year, because Elk has one of the highest and steepest elevations above sea level , in that area. It was beautiful to lie in a warm bed together, as a family and watch the snow fall. to watch the snow slip off the rhododendrons onto the ground as it melted, to listen to the wind whip around the cabin while they were safe inside. Starchild celebrated his first Oestre there. They colored eggs with natural dyes, using wax to make patterns on the eggs. He fell in love with his airplane bouncing seat and learned to crawl during that time.
They felt safe then, but something went terribly wrong. Something happened to Soul Starer while they lived in Elk. Looking back, throw away girl isn't sure exactly how it happened. Maybe it was the pressure of a new family, or it could have been the painful memories that family had for him, or maybe even that Throw Away Girl just asked for it. They began having this argument at night. Starchild wouldn't stay asleep for more than an hour at a time. He didn't ever sleep through the night. Typical for most babies, but this was something a little different. He would scream and cry every time that Throw Away Girl would put him down(they found out later that he had a herniated diaphragm and that he was having severe acid reflux when he was lying down.) She was often up for most of the night tending to him. Soul Starer often slept right through all of it. Sometimes throw Away girl would wake him up to help her, and he would ask, "What do you want me to do? He just wants you."
Throw Away Girl asked him if he would at least get up sometimes to help keep the fire going at night. He told her that since she was up that she might as well go down and put wood in the stove. Throw Away girl resented this. why should she do everything? She was already exhausted from taking care of Starchild. why wasn't it Soul Starers job to help out a little bit. She asked him to compromise. Would he get up every other time? The answer was still no. Their arguments about this just escalated over time, until one night.
Throw Away Girl had woken up Soul Starer, because she wanted him to help her. They started arguing about the responsibilities. They went down stairs, all the time yelling at each other. He told her that she was selfish and that it wasn't fair for him to lose sleep just because they were losing it. Throw Away Girl asked him why he was even there then. That is when he reached out and grabbed her by the shirt and shook her violently, then threw her to the floor, ripping her shirt completely off her. She lay there on the floor sobbing, in shock from the whole thing. This wasn't supposed to be happening. How could he do this? Where did this come from? Why her? He was in shock too.
She sat up and took the shreds (of what happened to be her favorite purple and green tie dye Dead t-shirt) off her body. He looked at her with wide eyes as she sobbed. He said "Maybe we can fix it." She stood up and opened the door to the fireplace. She threw every last shred of the t-shirt into the fire. She turned to look at him and with all the malice she could muster, she said "There. I fed the fire, are you happy?"
He turned and headed for the door where he told her that she had asked for this, she deserved this, and that he was leaving. He slammed the door behind him and sped away recklessly in their car. Still sobbng she ran to the door, and screamed how really fucked up and selfish he was. He turned the car around and came back, almost crashing into the house. He ran up the stairs of the porch at her. She turned and ran to slam the door behind her, but he caught up with her and pushed her to the floor with the weight of the door. He said "You are such a fucking bitch. I should knock you down again." He didn't though, instead he turned and left, squealing out of the driveway again.
He came back three days later, apologizing and saying that he didn't know what was wrong with him, that she shouldn't be treated that way, and that he loved her and Starchild more than anything in the world. She forgave him. He was the father of her baby, but it was only the first time, of many times that he would hit her, or verbally or emotionally abuse her.
