JackieBlue
Well-known member
When Throw Away Girl was living at Pearl Drive, the clan decided that they were all going to go to the beach in Noyo Harbor to watch the fireworks. They set the fireworks off from the headlands, at the GP mill, which rose above the beach. The plan was for some of them to take some LSD and have a nice mellow enjoyment of the fireworks.
Pearl Drive piled into two vehicles a truck with a cap, and an old lime yellow, Valiant staion wagon, and headed for the harbor to start a fire. When they arrived someone had set fire to a shipwrecked boat, that had been on the beach since the previous winter. The smell of burning fiberglass was overwhelming, so they trekked further down the beach to get upwind of it. The fire and rescue had taped off the area and were just letting the boat burn, as it was too much of a risk to take an engine down to the water. Pearl Drive settled in not too far from it, with some other friends who had already started a fire. All the while commenting on how noxious and toxic the world could be, and how the burning boat, and it's toxic fumes, were a perfect metaphor for how the poison can get in and really mess up your reality.
Throw Away Girl and Soul Starer had taken a lot of LSD together just prior to becoming pregnant with Starchild, but this would be the first time since his birth. Soul Starer had become good friends with Morning Star Camp, and had a working relationship with them. The folks of Morning Star camp were bus dwellers who travelled back and forth from New Jersey every year hawking their wares, which happened to be White Fluff or Lavender Crystal, two different types of very pure LSD. In fact Soul Starer and Throw Away Girl had often seen them cut the powder into trial size bottles of vodka, which constituted approximately, a thousand hits of acid. Soul Starer always got a good deal on these transactions, and on occasion, could afford to keep a vial (around 100 hits) for himself, to share with friends, or for their own use. This happened to be one of those times.
So when they all had settled in at the beach, he began to give each person what they wanted as far as doses went. He took 20, Throw Away Girl took 10, another friend took 15, and yet another few took one or two. Some people were sitting behind them on the beach and, just as they were starting to come on; the man asked if anyone knew where to find some acid, and all of them kind of giggled and looked at one another. Throw Away Girl nudged Soul Starer to say that he should share a little bit. Now take into consideration, that LSD is not something that you need to take by mouth, but is absorbed with the same results, where ever it is on your body.
Soul Starer reached into his pocket and took out the vial. He took it out to dose them, and when he tried to take the top off the vial, he realized that it was loose. The entire remainder of the vial had emptied in his pocket and absorbed through his leg. At that time all of them were really starting to trip, and Soul Starer started to freak out.
The first thing that happened was that he wanted a cigarette. He would smoke one. Then he would want another. He would smoke that and then want another. At that time none of the other members were smokers, so when he finished his pack, he kept reapeating "I need a cigarette. I need a cigarette." His other mantra was "Let's go to Mendo. Don't you want to go to Mendo?" "Let's go see Terra in Mendo." This mantra hurt Throw Away Girl deeply. She felt like he was not focused on her, and that he would rather have been with someone else.
After a while of this, Throw Away Girl was getting a little exasperated, so she wandered further down the beach to another fire circle. The folks there were really mellow, and welcomed her there. She sat for a little while, enjoying the break from intensity, then explained her situation, and asked them for a cigarette. They were more than happy to give her more than just one, and wished her luck. She said thank you, and meandered back to her home circle. It made her a little sad to leave them, as their air was so nurturing. Nothing like the chaos that surrounded her own circle.
When she got back, the others were ready for a break. She didn't blame them, as Soul Starer was as weak as a newborn. He had crumpled on the ground, in a heap, and was mumbling over and over the same phrases. She gave Soul Starer the cigarettes, and looked to the others. They said that he had switched gears, and that he could only feel half of his body. He was completely unable to walk or to support himself in any way. Throw Away Girl got him onto his feet, with a little help from the others. She decided that she would try to absorb some of his energy.
When Soul Starer was on his feet she got under his arms, and he leaned completely on her shoulders. Throw Away Girl did her best to ground herself; visualizing a direct currrent of electricity through her body and into the ground, much like a lightning rod. Soul Starer was trembling more than Throw Away Girl had ever felt anyone tremble in her life. He seemed afraid, broken, sad. She continued to allow his energy to flow through her. He continued his rant about Mendo, and Terra, and when would they go home, he wanted Terra to go home with him. Throw Away Girl told him that she didn't know where Terra was, but that she was going home with him, and she always would. The circle hooted a little at this, and a drum circle commenced.
Yup playing his digeridoo, and the congos created a lulling tempo, which seemed to help Soul Starer, to release some of his energy, into and through Throw Away Girl, and down into the sandy earth beneath them. He leaned down on her shoulders harder and harder, so that she was almost supporting all of his weight. His trembling began to slow a bit, and Throw Away Girl tried to tune her energy more and more into him, through him, among him, and amid him. She closed her eyes and entered a trance. She was swaying under the weight of Soul Starers body and his soul. For a moment she thought she would lose the thread of herself and become him, but she grabbed herself and Soul Starer tighter, and dove deeper into his psyche.
What she found, when she entered the wilderness of his soul, was that he truly did feel half hollow. The side of his body that could not feel, was empty. She felt an echo there, a blackness, a chasm, so deep that she knew that it was not created of this world, but was more something that had been wrenched away from him, unwillingly, in his earliest years. There was a part of him that simply had ceased to exist. It had not had enough time do develop, so that whatever was there before had left traces of itself. It was a space with no traces of before. When a deer lies in the grass, and the grass is warm and flat, but you can't see any other trace around the flattened grass; yet still there is evidence of what once was. This was a nothingness. A void.
Throw Away Girl was deeply shaken by the emptiness, and she began to lose her grip again. She refocused and reached toward the half of him that remained. When she touched it it was firm, but warm. She clawed at the edges of it, trying in her mind to stretch it, to cover the part of his body that was empty. To make him whole again.
She pulled, pulled as hard as her will would allow, without giving herself over to the abyss. She wanted to fill him, to overcome the darkness, she pulled, envisioning him raising himself up and walking. Slowly the pressure on her body began to subside. Soul Starer stopped trembling, and began to support itself. He raised his head, pulling their connection with him. Throw Away Girl slowly let the very last of his energy flow through her and into the sand. She slowly let go of her physical hold on him, as her psychic hold subsided.
At the very moment their physical connection ended, Soul Starer collapsed into the sand again, but this time he was incredibly silent. He merely sat for a long time. Throw Away Girl was sapped and shaken from her experience. Night had finally fallen, and as the last bit of light faded over the Pacific, and the stars began to reappear in their eternal cosmic dance, the fireworks began.
She laid herself into the sand, burrowing so that it cradled every muscle, grounding herself into her own experience once more. First the fireworks were slow, then they rapidly gained speed until there was a cacophany of thundering explosions and lights bursting out over the ocean harbor. It seemed at that moment that the movements of all that surrouded her made some sort of sacred sense. Like a chain reaction, one thing happens for another, and that thing happens for another, and another, and another. The sparkling, shimmering lights, the beach fires, the drums, the hum of the entire universe sank into her soul. Yup knelt next to her, and whispered in her ear, "You did good, mama. I'm sorry that you had to do this tonight. He really is only half a man."
Pearl Drive piled into two vehicles a truck with a cap, and an old lime yellow, Valiant staion wagon, and headed for the harbor to start a fire. When they arrived someone had set fire to a shipwrecked boat, that had been on the beach since the previous winter. The smell of burning fiberglass was overwhelming, so they trekked further down the beach to get upwind of it. The fire and rescue had taped off the area and were just letting the boat burn, as it was too much of a risk to take an engine down to the water. Pearl Drive settled in not too far from it, with some other friends who had already started a fire. All the while commenting on how noxious and toxic the world could be, and how the burning boat, and it's toxic fumes, were a perfect metaphor for how the poison can get in and really mess up your reality.
Throw Away Girl and Soul Starer had taken a lot of LSD together just prior to becoming pregnant with Starchild, but this would be the first time since his birth. Soul Starer had become good friends with Morning Star Camp, and had a working relationship with them. The folks of Morning Star camp were bus dwellers who travelled back and forth from New Jersey every year hawking their wares, which happened to be White Fluff or Lavender Crystal, two different types of very pure LSD. In fact Soul Starer and Throw Away Girl had often seen them cut the powder into trial size bottles of vodka, which constituted approximately, a thousand hits of acid. Soul Starer always got a good deal on these transactions, and on occasion, could afford to keep a vial (around 100 hits) for himself, to share with friends, or for their own use. This happened to be one of those times.
So when they all had settled in at the beach, he began to give each person what they wanted as far as doses went. He took 20, Throw Away Girl took 10, another friend took 15, and yet another few took one or two. Some people were sitting behind them on the beach and, just as they were starting to come on; the man asked if anyone knew where to find some acid, and all of them kind of giggled and looked at one another. Throw Away Girl nudged Soul Starer to say that he should share a little bit. Now take into consideration, that LSD is not something that you need to take by mouth, but is absorbed with the same results, where ever it is on your body.
Soul Starer reached into his pocket and took out the vial. He took it out to dose them, and when he tried to take the top off the vial, he realized that it was loose. The entire remainder of the vial had emptied in his pocket and absorbed through his leg. At that time all of them were really starting to trip, and Soul Starer started to freak out.
The first thing that happened was that he wanted a cigarette. He would smoke one. Then he would want another. He would smoke that and then want another. At that time none of the other members were smokers, so when he finished his pack, he kept reapeating "I need a cigarette. I need a cigarette." His other mantra was "Let's go to Mendo. Don't you want to go to Mendo?" "Let's go see Terra in Mendo." This mantra hurt Throw Away Girl deeply. She felt like he was not focused on her, and that he would rather have been with someone else.
After a while of this, Throw Away Girl was getting a little exasperated, so she wandered further down the beach to another fire circle. The folks there were really mellow, and welcomed her there. She sat for a little while, enjoying the break from intensity, then explained her situation, and asked them for a cigarette. They were more than happy to give her more than just one, and wished her luck. She said thank you, and meandered back to her home circle. It made her a little sad to leave them, as their air was so nurturing. Nothing like the chaos that surrounded her own circle.
When she got back, the others were ready for a break. She didn't blame them, as Soul Starer was as weak as a newborn. He had crumpled on the ground, in a heap, and was mumbling over and over the same phrases. She gave Soul Starer the cigarettes, and looked to the others. They said that he had switched gears, and that he could only feel half of his body. He was completely unable to walk or to support himself in any way. Throw Away Girl got him onto his feet, with a little help from the others. She decided that she would try to absorb some of his energy.
When Soul Starer was on his feet she got under his arms, and he leaned completely on her shoulders. Throw Away Girl did her best to ground herself; visualizing a direct currrent of electricity through her body and into the ground, much like a lightning rod. Soul Starer was trembling more than Throw Away Girl had ever felt anyone tremble in her life. He seemed afraid, broken, sad. She continued to allow his energy to flow through her. He continued his rant about Mendo, and Terra, and when would they go home, he wanted Terra to go home with him. Throw Away Girl told him that she didn't know where Terra was, but that she was going home with him, and she always would. The circle hooted a little at this, and a drum circle commenced.
Yup playing his digeridoo, and the congos created a lulling tempo, which seemed to help Soul Starer, to release some of his energy, into and through Throw Away Girl, and down into the sandy earth beneath them. He leaned down on her shoulders harder and harder, so that she was almost supporting all of his weight. His trembling began to slow a bit, and Throw Away Girl tried to tune her energy more and more into him, through him, among him, and amid him. She closed her eyes and entered a trance. She was swaying under the weight of Soul Starers body and his soul. For a moment she thought she would lose the thread of herself and become him, but she grabbed herself and Soul Starer tighter, and dove deeper into his psyche.
What she found, when she entered the wilderness of his soul, was that he truly did feel half hollow. The side of his body that could not feel, was empty. She felt an echo there, a blackness, a chasm, so deep that she knew that it was not created of this world, but was more something that had been wrenched away from him, unwillingly, in his earliest years. There was a part of him that simply had ceased to exist. It had not had enough time do develop, so that whatever was there before had left traces of itself. It was a space with no traces of before. When a deer lies in the grass, and the grass is warm and flat, but you can't see any other trace around the flattened grass; yet still there is evidence of what once was. This was a nothingness. A void.
Throw Away Girl was deeply shaken by the emptiness, and she began to lose her grip again. She refocused and reached toward the half of him that remained. When she touched it it was firm, but warm. She clawed at the edges of it, trying in her mind to stretch it, to cover the part of his body that was empty. To make him whole again.
She pulled, pulled as hard as her will would allow, without giving herself over to the abyss. She wanted to fill him, to overcome the darkness, she pulled, envisioning him raising himself up and walking. Slowly the pressure on her body began to subside. Soul Starer stopped trembling, and began to support itself. He raised his head, pulling their connection with him. Throw Away Girl slowly let the very last of his energy flow through her and into the sand. She slowly let go of her physical hold on him, as her psychic hold subsided.
At the very moment their physical connection ended, Soul Starer collapsed into the sand again, but this time he was incredibly silent. He merely sat for a long time. Throw Away Girl was sapped and shaken from her experience. Night had finally fallen, and as the last bit of light faded over the Pacific, and the stars began to reappear in their eternal cosmic dance, the fireworks began.
She laid herself into the sand, burrowing so that it cradled every muscle, grounding herself into her own experience once more. First the fireworks were slow, then they rapidly gained speed until there was a cacophany of thundering explosions and lights bursting out over the ocean harbor. It seemed at that moment that the movements of all that surrouded her made some sort of sacred sense. Like a chain reaction, one thing happens for another, and that thing happens for another, and another, and another. The sparkling, shimmering lights, the beach fires, the drums, the hum of the entire universe sank into her soul. Yup knelt next to her, and whispered in her ear, "You did good, mama. I'm sorry that you had to do this tonight. He really is only half a man."
