starvingorphan
Member
This is going to be horribly written but I figured I'd share it. Since I came back home weird shits been happening to me, and it's making me REALLY regret coming back, so here's one of those weird things. For the sake of conversation we'll call this guy Joe, not his real name but it's what he'll go by. Well, Joe is a traveling kid, I was walking around Wal-Mart when I met him, the first thing he did when he saw me was run up and hug me with a frozen burrito in his hand, didn't say anything to me just hugged me, I stopped to talk to him, we go buy his burrito, and go hang out in the field next to Wal-Mart, I thought he was tripping balls the first hour of hanging out with him then I realized he was actually just loopy and totally sober, he's funny as fuck, nothing he says makes any sense, and he has no boundaries, we start aimlessly walking around while I listen to him talk about knowing multiple messiahs and how if he cut the roof off his apartment (doesn't have an apartment..) it would go all the way to a stop sign that was near us, then he changed his mind and said the street light he then pulls some cleaner spray out of his pack and starts spraying it in his nose saying the air was unclean. So we go back into Wal-Mart and he tries to buy a gun with 7 dollars, obviously did not work out, the rest of the time in walmart he kept trying to get me to come live in a tomato field with him and a bb gun and he said he could feed me and protect me forever there, he stole a flipeez hat for me, we leave, end up sitting infront of someones house while he emptied his pack which was filled with trash, and the heels that he stole off of peoples boots and went on and on about how bad ass the boot heels were, he takes the cleaning spray and cleans all the empty plastic bottles, throws them away and then stuffs the rest of the trash and random items back in his pack, eats what was a frozen burrito but is now thawed out but still uncooked, and then we start walking again. After awhile of walking he starts mumbling weird shit and pulls his wallet out, scratched his name off his i.d and writes a new one, rips his social security card up and seriously eats it, I asked him what the fuck he was doing and he said it upsets him when people steal his wallet and he loses his social (hes apparently gotten a new one multiple times cause his always get stolen) I laugh and we get to the park, someone in the neighborhood talked to us and told us about a guy in a yellow mustang going around busting out peoples windows, we end up seeing the yellow mustang multiple times, Joe is convinced it is "the cult" and on the walk back to my house forces me to hide everytime a car passes by us because they are all in the cult, get to my street and one of my neighbors is outside on his porch, Joe comes up to him whispering asking if he has guns and then persists that my neighbor gives him one, my neighbor is in obvious pain from Joe being fucking weird so I pull him away, we get back to my house and I tell him he can sleep in the backyard if he wants cause I couldn't let him in, bring him a blanket and I smoke a cigarette, he then starts trying to pork me, well, Joe may be fucking loopy as fuck but he was pretty cute and really funny so for some reason my dumb ass sex deprived brain decides it's a good idea, and I pork him, told him not to finish in me, but he fucking did it anyways and then tells me to keep it in and says "You're going to have the most beautiful blue eyed boy now!" I fucking panic and run in my house and take a shower, realize I left my cigarettes outside, go grab em, and Joe is on my goddamn roof and I have NO idea how the fuck he got up there because you can't without a ladder which we don't have. I tell him to get the fuck off my roof and he won't because he was upset that I ran off, it was just like that episode of South Park where Tom Cruze wouldnt get out of Stans closet, except it was Joe on the roof. And that kids, is how I learned not to let crazy stick their dick in you, or to stick your dick in crazy.
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