You know that moment and when it arrives. I have just experienced that moment. You know the moment when your off the road life is perfect. When life is in sync and you obtain your first waffle maker.
I am simple and frugal and I have long prepared and consumed the store brand pancake mix of my childhood as a hot breakfast, lunch or dinner item. I had never experienced a waffle past an occasional bout of leggo my eggo as seen on TV commercials. But those frozen pucks dont do the name "waffle" any justice.
I have stayed in or simply squated the continental breakfast bar at many hotels and motels. Some of which had the seemingly complex and foreign waffle mix dispensor and waffle iron. I noticed this contraption while traveling with a friend from my old neighborhood on a road trip a few months bac. Hes a lifelong resident of the Old Harbor housing projects in Southie and part of his trip was his cultural exploration. He had rarely been out of the bricks of South Boston and is not exactly a seasoned traveler. Apparently and despite all the traveling and learning about others cultures I have done, deep down I watched in awe as he embarked on his first waffle experience. He filled his face, chomping and sighing in delight. He had that "where have you been all my life look on him", there may have even been tears in his eyes. I loaded fresh fruit in my pockets and sipping coffee. I would never show my cards to anyone from my old neighborhood or share that i had never eaten a waffle, let alone prepared one. I looked on like he was off his tits and filed it away in my memory. Inwardly sulking from my chosen bowl of mediocre cold corn flake style cereal that did not cause any gastric joy.
Fast forward to my daughters upconing birthday and my dad had sent her some cash and a birthday card. He knows that we havent a bank account and never will making cashing checks difficult, so he sends cash. So as the anti consumerist I suggest many alternative type things of how she can spend her birthday cash.
Instead her and my wife and kid go into the Walton familes profit making machine last night giddy as can be. Again I sulked in the parking lot from my disdain for capitalism and especially Walmart. Out they came, litterally skipping; maybe they were even wearing those smile face stickers that disabled elderly greeters hand out. That is when I saw it, the automatic flipping waffle iron thingy. I would have to make her birthday gift not be in vain. I would be the one who operated this cast aluminum tabletop appliance. I would slave over this hot machine in a pursuit of the childhood joy of my only daughter.
Now, I was skeptical of the added costs and labor. This prompted the additional purchase of blueberries, cooking spray and "Krusteaz" brand Belgian waffle mix. Yes you dirty traincore crustfucks i just got Krusteaz which may sound like some bougiee attempt to make it sound less priviledged but its great. If you have read this far, take some advice: go take a fucking shower, you stink. It aint them kinda crusties, nobody likes an intentionally stinky crusty but i think everyone will love Crusteaz Belfian Waffles.
I made 4 of these Belgian beauties with real butter, powdered sugar, ghetto fake maple syrup. My daughters were just butter and confectionary sugar as her instructions.
Now my daughter decided that she wanted a waffle maker from her exposure to waffles via the internet. She loves Creepy Pastas and had been introduced to Waffles via fan fiction and youtube videos. She never did ask her almost 40 year old highly traveled and cultured dad about waffles. As a soon to be 12 year old she must have noticed that i have made hundreds of plain pancakes but never had I mentioned waffles. So instead of continuing our ancestoral deficit of waffles for another generation; she decided to break the fecking cycle.
The consensus is out; yes the verdict is in! We are no longer a pancake family, today we became Waffle people. We added fresh fruit too, how novel? I ate my first Waffle today at age 39. I instantly thought of my 55 year old friend and all our other inner city, low income and insulated working class Irish Catholic friends , family and neighbors.
I bet that many of them still are living in the dark ages of hot breakfast items.
I dare say that creepes are next for me.
While others have probably been waffle people for many years having loving moms, dads, aunts, nannies or IHOP cooks introduce you to these delicious treats. It took a child and some fixtional proxies and pastas to teach this old dog a new trick. A child I created and raised to think outside the box and challenge herself yet Id never found the strength to go waffle.
Im afraid you all now what they say; "once you go waffle, you never go back".
While this may seem like banter and not quite hobo kitchen material, waffles most certainly are a luxury item. Perhaps your home life is stale and stagnant and your dreaming of exotic travel experiences but are unsure of leaving loved ones or what next. I implore you all that are off the road and or housed up to go get a waffle iron. Perhaps being off the road aint so bad?
Life is bearable and even better with Waffles!
I am simple and frugal and I have long prepared and consumed the store brand pancake mix of my childhood as a hot breakfast, lunch or dinner item. I had never experienced a waffle past an occasional bout of leggo my eggo as seen on TV commercials. But those frozen pucks dont do the name "waffle" any justice.
I have stayed in or simply squated the continental breakfast bar at many hotels and motels. Some of which had the seemingly complex and foreign waffle mix dispensor and waffle iron. I noticed this contraption while traveling with a friend from my old neighborhood on a road trip a few months bac. Hes a lifelong resident of the Old Harbor housing projects in Southie and part of his trip was his cultural exploration. He had rarely been out of the bricks of South Boston and is not exactly a seasoned traveler. Apparently and despite all the traveling and learning about others cultures I have done, deep down I watched in awe as he embarked on his first waffle experience. He filled his face, chomping and sighing in delight. He had that "where have you been all my life look on him", there may have even been tears in his eyes. I loaded fresh fruit in my pockets and sipping coffee. I would never show my cards to anyone from my old neighborhood or share that i had never eaten a waffle, let alone prepared one. I looked on like he was off his tits and filed it away in my memory. Inwardly sulking from my chosen bowl of mediocre cold corn flake style cereal that did not cause any gastric joy.
Fast forward to my daughters upconing birthday and my dad had sent her some cash and a birthday card. He knows that we havent a bank account and never will making cashing checks difficult, so he sends cash. So as the anti consumerist I suggest many alternative type things of how she can spend her birthday cash.
Instead her and my wife and kid go into the Walton familes profit making machine last night giddy as can be. Again I sulked in the parking lot from my disdain for capitalism and especially Walmart. Out they came, litterally skipping; maybe they were even wearing those smile face stickers that disabled elderly greeters hand out. That is when I saw it, the automatic flipping waffle iron thingy. I would have to make her birthday gift not be in vain. I would be the one who operated this cast aluminum tabletop appliance. I would slave over this hot machine in a pursuit of the childhood joy of my only daughter.
Now, I was skeptical of the added costs and labor. This prompted the additional purchase of blueberries, cooking spray and "Krusteaz" brand Belgian waffle mix. Yes you dirty traincore crustfucks i just got Krusteaz which may sound like some bougiee attempt to make it sound less priviledged but its great. If you have read this far, take some advice: go take a fucking shower, you stink. It aint them kinda crusties, nobody likes an intentionally stinky crusty but i think everyone will love Crusteaz Belfian Waffles.
I made 4 of these Belgian beauties with real butter, powdered sugar, ghetto fake maple syrup. My daughters were just butter and confectionary sugar as her instructions.
Now my daughter decided that she wanted a waffle maker from her exposure to waffles via the internet. She loves Creepy Pastas and had been introduced to Waffles via fan fiction and youtube videos. She never did ask her almost 40 year old highly traveled and cultured dad about waffles. As a soon to be 12 year old she must have noticed that i have made hundreds of plain pancakes but never had I mentioned waffles. So instead of continuing our ancestoral deficit of waffles for another generation; she decided to break the fecking cycle.
The consensus is out; yes the verdict is in! We are no longer a pancake family, today we became Waffle people. We added fresh fruit too, how novel? I ate my first Waffle today at age 39. I instantly thought of my 55 year old friend and all our other inner city, low income and insulated working class Irish Catholic friends , family and neighbors.
I bet that many of them still are living in the dark ages of hot breakfast items.
I dare say that creepes are next for me.
While others have probably been waffle people for many years having loving moms, dads, aunts, nannies or IHOP cooks introduce you to these delicious treats. It took a child and some fixtional proxies and pastas to teach this old dog a new trick. A child I created and raised to think outside the box and challenge herself yet Id never found the strength to go waffle.
Im afraid you all now what they say; "once you go waffle, you never go back".
While this may seem like banter and not quite hobo kitchen material, waffles most certainly are a luxury item. Perhaps your home life is stale and stagnant and your dreaming of exotic travel experiences but are unsure of leaving loved ones or what next. I implore you all that are off the road and or housed up to go get a waffle iron. Perhaps being off the road aint so bad?
Life is bearable and even better with Waffles!
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