Quiet type, missing traveling and camaraderie.

[Bee]

Hi all. I've been indoors for about the last two years, mostly alone.
I'm pretty introverted, but wanted to introduce myself.

Once I establish a home base of my own, I'm going to venture out into the world again. My liminal time is almost over, my energy is rising, and I'm beginning to get antsy. Good signs, to me. I'm considering renting a place here in California somewhere, been taking my time looking, want somewhere rural for sure. I've lived in the desert and the mountains, and the places in between, from upstate NY to Baja Mexico. Cities are a bit much for me, I've had my fill.

I'm old enough to really appreciate hot running water, I'm looking for a place where I can have plenty of alone time. I'm also looking forward to being in a position to welcome travelers again.
I found this board from a side mention on a post on reddit. I'm glad I did, nice to be around the mindset and language. Thanks to the creator and those who maintain it, thanks to those who have posted, your words help me feel a part of the world again. Happy holidays, folks.

(edited to remove identifying information)

 

[Matt Derrick]

Nice, glad we could be here for ya

are you looking for someone to travel with? when do you think you're hitting the road?

 

[Bee]

Hey Matt,
Thanks for the reply, means much.
I'm not opposed to traveling with someone.
I'm waiting here in orange county, til February, when the eviction moratorium in California is lifted, and places start coming up for rent again. There's a dearth of affordable places right now. Once I have my own place, I'll be ready to explore again.

 

[Bee]

Yesterday I drove 2.5 hours out to 29Palms, to look at a little apartment. It really got me thinking.

First, I'd like to say this place and all the posts, stories, and nuggets of good info has been like a breath of fresh air. Reminding me I'm alive. Reminding me there's more to being on this planet than merely existing. I've been stagnating and slowly getting soft, including physically, and this has got to change.

I have a love affair with the desert all along the 62, a mad love affair going back decades. It's also one of the few places that's still *almost* affordable in California (not JTree anymore, LA kind of took it over and rents are stupid high). I know a couple places out there that one can stay at, communal living, with good people and interesting times, but for a couple reasons I want my own space.

I have a year and a half to go on paper. I want this over and done with cleanly and finally. In part, because my loved one gets out of prison in late '22, and I want to have a shot at him being able to reside with me to finish his parole. Then we can be a couple of old farts living free again with nothing hanging over our heads.

So for a lot of reasons, I need an address.
What got to me yesterday, tho, was what it takes to get one, and how deeply it's disturbed me.
I had to write a letter of intro to the landlords, talking about my credit, my record, my income, etc. I wrote a good and honest letter, but my gawd, felt violated, supplicating myself like that. They were willing to let me come see the place, and turns out they're renting it to the woman who saw it before me, so oh well. I won't give up.

Driving into the desert, a rainbow arched across the freeway, felt like gates to home. An hour later driving back, a rainbow in the same place. There was snow on the mountains, and got to drive through an amazing thunderstorm. Felt like life, like reality. I came back to my hidey hole in someone's garage in the city, and wanted to give up. So I again deep dived into this forum, felt sustained. I'm not cut out for city life, and that's okay. I'm strong enough to handle it for the time being, but it's taking a toll.

I look....normal...right now. Let my shaved head grow out to past my shoulders. Clean nondescript clothes. Middle aged and dumpy. Look like a good risk, to a landlord, I think. But I feel so sad, so 'other'. Not sure what direction this is taking, but my creativity and hope is waking up, and I'll be out of here as soon as I'm able. I'm looking hard at life choices, both those I've made, and those I've left to make. I've done some wonderful, magical things in my life. I don't want to just subsist, and rot in harmony with those who have never lived outside the confines and comforts of job/mortgage/sale at walmart, etc. Not trying to be judgey, sincerely, but it's a different quality of folk I'm most comfortable with, most in tune with. I miss you! lol

I found the cheapest little place way out in Field's Landing (by Eureka). It's only $425/mo, right over the only bar in town. I considered it, I really did, cuz I could do that on my fixed income and still have gas money. I could walk out to the ocean every day, could hike in the woods. Good stuff, that. If they'd take me. Ah man, I know this posting is all over the place. Feels good just getting some of this out to readers who will likely understand.

I s'pose that's enough for now. I'm not usually so forthcoming, but this place feels safe enough. Thanks.