Jed's Adventures
Jed didn't eat much for the last few days but while walking down the road trying to get a ride he spied a bag of chips laying on the ground looking like it still had some in it. He stopped in front of the bag curious as ever. When he opened the bag he discovered that somebody had used it to pick up after their dog. Jed thought it would be funny to rub it on some door handles. Jed wasn't too bright so he just put the bag in his pack and kept on hitching. As Jed was hitching he saw a truck that was owned by a bull from the nearby yard. Dog poo chip bag in his pack and thumb in air the bull's truck came to a screech. Jed couldn't help but notice the bull wasn't wearing anything but the boots on his feet and had a creepy grin on his face. Jed soon realized that he already knew the bull: It was Officer Dave Flood and he now works as a Union Pacific Railroad Police Officer. The bull didn't remember what an asshole Jed was last time he jacked him up. In fact, he was so used to hassling travelers that he didn't remember Jed at all. Still trying to display an "air of authority," even while naked, flood told the traveler, "stop right there, turn around and put your hands on your head." Jed was a bit nervous as the bull began to go through his pack. The bull took his tobacco, his Leatherman tool, and what was left of his weed and put them in his truck. The bull told Jed, "you know I'm doing you a favor," as he removed the chip bag from Jed's pack. Jed started to say something as the bull began fishing around in the bag, only to be told, "you'll shut the hell up if you know what's good for you!" And with a loud, crunchy "squish", the bull found the poo and let out a scream as he looked at his poo chip encrusted hand. Jed let out a small giggle as he was doing the best he could to contain his laughter. Jed realized that the scream was not a scream of a person who was in utter disgust. It was the scream of somebody who was excited in a good way. The bull shouted, "I knew you had hash on you, I could smell it!" It was too much for Jed when the bull pulled out his pipe and began to load it. Officer Flood began a small speech of why he really isn't such a bad guy after all and that he is often misunderstood. He also said that the story about him being the grandpa to a train riding dirty kid's child is true and that his only real fault was shaking down train riders for all the good "shit" they are known to carry. The bull put the pipe to his lips with that same creepy grin, put fire to the bowl and inhaled the biggest hit Jed had ever seen anybody take. Officer Flood let out a bellow, and told Jed that "he had some good shit on his hands." With that he told Jed he would look the other way anytime he could when he was around his yard as long as he could keep the bag of hash (dog poo) if once in awhile he dropped in with more. Confused as to what just happened and trying not to burst out in laughter and shit his pants Jed stepped back as officer flood got his naked ass back into his truck smelling of burnt poo and sped off. Still on the side of the road; it didn't take long for Jed to see what the bull threw out his window as he made his hasty departure; it was a copy of the CCG with some writing on it that read: Dave Flood (916) 257-9673. Jed quickly put the CCG into his pack and walked toward the nearest on ramp. Hungry as ever and realizing that in all the commotion Jed didn't take the time to notice the sun was nearly out of the sky and all the really remained was the red haze clinging to the clouds. Thinking to himself as he scratched his balls ,he's not going to get a ride out of here in the dark so he turned around with Dave Floods number in his pocket and walked back to town. "There must be something I can do" Jed thought as remembered back to how awkwardly and unusually gay Mr. flood seemed in all his nakedness. There must be some way to exploit this situation and as if by some fucked up fluke in his train of thought he spied a gay male prostitute giggling his shirtless pot belly in front of the local burger king trying to entice customers to have sex with his fat ass for greasy burgers. Jed approached the male prostitute now ever more conscious of Dave Flood's number in his pocket hoping the some kind of plan would present itself in having a conversation with this greasy burger slut...
