Introduction/Need guidance

[drewski]

Hello everyone, I appreciate you taking the time to read this. My name is Andrew. I'm 21 years old and I'm at a tough spot in my life right now.

Last year around May I was gone from home for about a month and I headed to Colorado and then Montana with some friends that are very experienced with traveling homeless and all that fun shit. I camped out and really enjoyed being in the wilderness of Montana at peace. I also attempted the Rainbow Gathering and didn't dig it at all so I left before it even started (I only went to "Spring Counsel" and the actual site beforehand). The weather was cold as shit (was in the mountains), I didn't have the right clothes, I was filthy, and I got sick from the water.

After only being gone for a month I decided to leave and go back home and I don't really know why. A part of me felt I couldn't take care of myself and keep good health living that lifestyle, and I only experienced a taste of what it's really like. I didn't adjust well to what it's like to not know where your next meal is coming from, how you'll stay clean (those quick wipes don't come close), and just how you'll survive in general.

I'm not interested in asking people for money on the street, and I'm not good at anything that would even make them consider it (guitar, street performance, etc). Yet, I hate almost everything about living in one place, going to work every day, the same fucking people, just pretty much everything about the life most people live in this country. It literally drives me insane. But I don't know how I would get the things I need to be able to take care of myself.

I suffer from extreme migraines and when I finally caved in and went to the doctor (I don't like doctors or the medical industry and I try to keep things as natural as possible) I found out that I have high blood pressure and the meds have helped the most out of everything natural I tried. And I mean, I don't need to shower every single day, but I do need to shave my skull and face and keep myself clean to feel decent.

I don't come from some super sheltered life, but I'm fairly privileged and I have parents that have supported me all through life (that doesn't mean entirely monetarily). I've definitely worked plenty of jobs, but I haven't worked in a long time due to periods of really bad depression and I'm not sure whether I can handle living free and all that shit or work a job and probably be miserable.

Either way, it all seems like I'm fucked. I see things getting worse as a whole for humanity, and it's even more of a reason why I'm just completely unmotivated and not feeling all that well inside. The times are turbulent, and everything is getting more unreachable by the people that set the prices and control the whole man-made-earth-raping economy. I observe a peak we're reaching and I feel like it's all about to burst into flames. Or maybe the brainwashed motherfuckers really will just keep going along while the masters keep making more iPhone models and new reality tv shows for people to melt their fucking brains on. When I think about how we're so insignificant while observing an infinite universe, there's still gotta be something to this suffering we're going through.

I feel like I'm ranting and have gotten off point, but I guess I try to not be all about me and look at things as a whole. But the reality is that we're all in this shit subjectively and this is what I'm dealing with, while someone else is dealing with some other shit. So if you can relate, criticize, or give me advice please do because I don't get any input from people that are actually awake.

 

[Matt Derrick]

is this drew from the slabs? also, if you use the enter key every once in a while, more people will read what you have to say

 

[drewski]

is this drew from the slabs? also, if you use the enter key every once in a while, more people will read what you have to say

Ah shit man I'll throw some enters in there right now hahaha. Thanks. Will you read it in full then? or have you already? And no, I'm Drew that you haven't met yet haha. Much respect for your creation of this website man.

 

[Tick Dickler]

oh man i can definitely relate. you are like an older version of me.
heres a monkey to cheer you up.

 

[Deleted member 20]

It sounds like you aren't in such a tough spot. There is a PMA saying I use that helps me no matter how much shit hit the proverbial fan. "No matter how bad this is, the only guarantee I have is that it can potentially get worse, if I let it". By reminding myself of that I realize that the opposite is also true. You actually are in a stage in your life where most all older adults wish they could get back to (ideally with their current wisdom & knowledge) to relive those care free days or to attempt to start over by choosing alternate paths in life.

The pros are that you are only fucking 21, you don't seem to have any children, legal issues, pending foreclosure, divorce, eviction, religious oppression. Fuck you are a young guy from a good family & a priviledged safe & clean country full of freedom & free living.

I too was at a crossroads so to speak after working for a few failed dot com companies in the 90s. It was a semi corporate environment & was a huge let down to learn how adults earn a living & who they have to pretend to be & act accordingly, dress a certain way etc.. I never wanted to hold an hourly position ever again!!! I went from job to job looking for my "nonjob". You see people doing them all the time, singers, songwriters, poets,authors, artists, wilderness guides, loggers, railroad conductors/engineers, craftsmen, etc. Sure they have to work but somewhere they got the guts to follow what they want to do as a hobby or personal business if anything than to not have to punch a clock for some asshole, get random drug tests, worry about water cooler politics, or putting on a fake smile & kissing ass to unappreciative customers.

I decided I wanted to work doing fun, exciting & sometimes dangerous jobs. I have been an Ironworker, High Rise window cleaner, bike messenger, pro sports team mascot & currently a commercial fisherman. With most of these I was/am an independent contractor. I still had bosses but they are more like professional peers who don't micromanage my every move. I was able to travel often, sometimes decide my own schedule as to if & when I wanted to work etc. I currently only work between 6-7 months a year get paid good money, travel on my time off, occasionally come to work shitfaced, where a Mohawk, swear & shoot the shit with my coworkers who I am really are good friends with, (not like some fake coworkers who will back stab you for a raise). I believe I have spoke enough about figuring out what you dream of doing & working towards getting it done, this doesn't mean wasting $ & time at a school somewhere. School can help but for these types of unique jobs.

First figure out what you don't want to do, & it sounds like you have. Then dream & plan your attack at how you are gonna accomplish it.

I get you about staying clean & all since I like to live that way. I suggest trying to keep yourself in the routines that you like regardless of where you are & your situation. There is nothing wrong with being clean & don't ever let anyone persuade you that there is. There are tons of dirty kids that do it to fit in with other dirty kids, others use it as a defensive mech hoping that creepy predatory men wont want to force their way sexually with them.

I like that you have actually traveled a bit & hung out in different traveler circles & see how different people live. There is nothing wrong with having a home base to go home to, whether its a childhood bedroom at your folks, a friends couch, your own rented room/apt or a piece of property that you own. Having a safe place to receive mail, store your stuff & return to when you want isn't a bad thing!.

As far as the migraines I would try not taking the meds, since many teens are started even younger for migraines & end up taking them with varying results.My nephew suffers but now he is 18 & just smokes a lot of weed. I am not advocating picking up any habits you don't need. Habits on the road are a recipe for misery High blood pressure is an obvious easy fix, diet & excersize. So try not to only eat McDonalds & sit on the fucking couch. Get off your ass & walk places to explore & do things, ride a bike. Start a gardem & grow some veggies to eat healthier. Mostly don't worry about the hypertension since a lot of people have it. I would take medication for that myself. .

So it seems that you care somewhat about potentially not working to just buy the newest piece of future plastic landfill from china. I combat this by mostly only buying food new; everything else I attempt & often wait weeks to aquire second hand goods for free in barter or just outright purchases from individuals on craigslist, at flea markets & thrift stores etc.

If you have gotten this far on my response I have tried to break down your somewhat long post except the ranting. Instead of participating in those regular fuckers bullshit version of society, "find your niche"!! Figure out to coexist on your terms happily instead of just being miserable on their terms.

Do you have a Driver License? Perhaps you can live as a rubber tramp. You can get a decent inexpensive minivan, van, mini bus, skoolie, motorhome. You will most likely have to work your ass, ideally doing something that you tolerate if not love. Save your cash, suck it up if need be, make sacrifices if need be & see the world. This way you can travel around but retain a mailing address & family connection. You can winter in the forests of florida, travel the rainbow circuit, live at slab city, find seasonal work like harvesting & labor gigs if you still haven't found your non jobs. Maybe you can make jewelry out of free found items & sell them at fest, fares & events. Hell I don't know what you can & want to do. That is why I just invested the last 15 minutes writing back to you. You have to put initiative into being an adult, especially if you don't want to be one of those miserable fucking wage slave drones. Get inspired!!

It don't take much to live in this country. If by chance you are semi unhealthy enough to be disabled then you can apply for ssdi & get benefits from the govt. Maybe you can collect unemployment insurance or get food stamps. This country has lots of services for poor people. Enable yourself to achieve your goals in life. No one will or can write a template for your future; only you.

P.S Paragraphs are easy on the eyes kid, use them!

 

[Deleted member 20]

Ah shit man I'll throw some enters in there right now hahaha. Thanks. Will you read it in full then? or have you already? And no, I'm Drew that you haven't met yet haha. Much respect for your creation of this website man.

I read the whole thing you lil bastard & responded in detail but still have a headache from reading your post. lol

 

[Matt Derrick]

Ah shit man I'll throw some enters in there right now hahaha. Thanks. Will you read it in full then? or have you already? And no, I'm Drew that you haven't met yet haha. Much respect for your creation of this website man.

thanks man, and yeah, i had a re-read after you put in the carriage returns

my advice would be to get yourself into a place with positive people and projects going on. sure, the world sucks, but it's easier to not be despressed all the time when you're not just looking at one side of the coin all the time.

seek out good people doing good things and you'll end up with a far more positive outlook on things. when i go dumpster dive with friends, or help silkscreen, or just work on interesting projects (stp included) with other people, it's hard to dwell so much on how much the rest of the world sucks.

 

[drewski]

oh man i can definitely relate. you are like an older version of me.
heres a monkey to cheer you up.

LOL thanks man. I always appreciate a brother tryna make another brother laugh.

 

[drewski]

It sounds like you aren't in such a tough spot. There is a PMA saying I use that helps me no matter how much shit hit the proverbial fan. "No matter how bad this is, the only guarantee I have is that it can potentially get worse, if I let it". By reminding myself of that I realize that the opposite is also true. You actually are in a stage in your life where most all older adults wish they could get back to (ideally with their current wisdom & knowledge) to relive those care free days or to attempt to start over by choosing alternate paths in life.

The pros are that you are only fucking 21, you don't seem to have any children, legal issues, pending foreclosure, divorce, eviction, religious oppression. Fuck you are a young guy from a good family & a priviledged safe & clean country full of freedom & free living.

I too was at a crossroads so to speak after working for a few failed dot com companies in the 90s. It was a semi corporate environment & was a huge let down to learn how adults earn a living & who they have to pretend to be & act accordingly, dress a certain way etc.. I never wanted to hold an hourly position ever again!!! I went from job to job looking for my "nonjob". You see people doing them all the time, singers, songwriters, poets,authors, artists, wilderness guides, loggers, railroad conductors/engineers, craftsmen, etc. Sure they have to work but somewhere they got the guts to follow what they want to do as a hobby or personal business if anything than to not have to punch a clock for some asshole, get random drug tests, worry about water cooler politics, or putting on a fake smile & kissing ass to unappreciative customers.

I decided I wanted to work doing fun, exciting & sometimes dangerous jobs. I have been an Ironworker, High Rise window cleaner, bike messenger, pro sports team mascot & currently a commercial fisherman. With most of these I was/am an independent contractor. I still had bosses but they are more like professional peers who don't micromanage my every move. I was able to travel often, sometimes decide my own schedule as to if & when I wanted to work etc. I currently only work between 6-7 months a year get paid good money, travel on my time off, occasionally come to work shitfaced, where a Mohawk, swear & shoot the shit with my coworkers who I am really are good friends with, (not like some fake coworkers who will back stab you for a raise). I believe I have spoke enough about figuring out what you dream of doing & working towards getting it done, this doesn't mean wasting $ & time at a school somewhere. School can help but for these types of unique jobs.

First figure out what you don't want to do, & it sounds like you have. Then dream & plan your attack at how you are gonna accomplish it.

I get you about staying clean & all since I like to live that way. I suggest trying to keep yourself in the routines that you like regardless of where you are & your situation. There is nothing wrong with being clean & don't ever let anyone persuade you that there is. There are tons of dirty kids that do it to fit in with other dirty kids, others use it as a defensive mech hoping that creepy predatory men wont want to force their way sexually with them.

I like that you have actually traveled a bit & hung out in different traveler circles & see how different people live. There is nothing wrong with having a home base to go home to, whether its a childhood bedroom at your folks, a friends couch, your own rented room/apt or a piece of property that you own. Having a safe place to receive mail, store your stuff & return to when you want isn't a bad thing!.

As far as the migraines I would try not taking the meds, since many teens are started even younger for migraines & end up taking them with varying results.My nephew suffers but now he is 18 & just smokes a lot of weed. I am not advocating picking up any habits you don't need. Habits on the road are a recipe for misery High blood pressure is an obvious easy fix, diet & excersize. So try not to only eat McDonalds & sit on the fucking couch. Get off your ass & walk places to explore & do things, ride a bike. Start a gardem & grow some veggies to eat healthier. Mostly don't worry about the hypertension since a lot of people have it. I would take medication for that myself. .

So it seems that you care somewhat about potentially not working to just buy the newest piece of future plastic landfill from china. I combat this by mostly only buying food new; everything else I attempt & often wait weeks to aquire second hand goods for free in barter or just outright purchases from individuals on craigslist, at flea markets & thrift stores etc.

If you have gotten this far on my response I have tried to break down your somewhat long post except the ranting. Instead of participating in those regular fuckers bullshit version of society, "find your niche"!! Figure out to coexist on your terms happily instead of just being miserable on their terms.

Do you have a Driver License? Perhaps you can live as a rubber tramp. You can get a decent inexpensive minivan, van, mini bus, skoolie, motorhome. You will most likely have to work your ass, ideally doing something that you tolerate if not love. Save your cash, suck it up if need be, make sacrifices if need be & see the world. This way you can travel around but retain a mailing address & family connection. You can winter in the forests of florida, travel the rainbow circuit, live at slab city, find seasonal work like harvesting & labor gigs if you still haven't found your non jobs. Maybe you can make jewelry out of free found items & sell them at fest, fares & events. Hell I don't know what you can & want to do. That is why I just invested the last 15 minutes writing back to you. You have to put initiative into being an adult, especially if you don't want to be one of those miserable fucking wage slave drones. Get inspired!!

It don't take much to live in this country. If by chance you are semi unhealthy enough to be disabled then you can apply for ssdi & get benefits from the govt. Maybe you can collect unemployment insurance or get food stamps. This country has lots of services for poor people. Enable yourself to achieve your goals in life. No one will or can write a template for your future; only you.

P.S Paragraphs are easy on the eyes kid, use them!

Hey man I really appreciate you taking the time to give a detailed response like that. Heartfelt. I'm glad you're enjoying what you're doing while making a living. I guess I should have added some more detail so I was more clear. Which sounds ridiculous I know.

I don't entirely view where I'm at as some dramatic thing I'll never be able to overcome, it just sucks you know? And yeah....I could view it as just an opportunity and blah blah blah. But I do have a car and the thing is my dad helped me out and got a loan (since my credit is shit from unpaid hospital bills) for a really nice 2005 Mazda 6 with low mileage. Thing is the nicest car I've ever owned....Well technically I don't own it lol. Used to have a '94 Plymouth Voyager. So I have to appreciate that by acting upon it and go make money and make those damn payments. Then just TODAY I was driving (I consider myself a really good driver too) and I get a fucking $120 ticket for running a red light. Fuck me...

So that piled on top of the fact that I know I can't just freeload all my life and do nothing is something that should motivate me to do something...but it doesn't. I feel like my brain is fucked I don't know if it's from all the herb I used to smoke and all the psychedelics I've done, but I can't focus on shit besides maybe even I'm reading about Quantum Physics or something deep. When I try and think about the establishments around me where I could go work at I can't even process it. I can't even process the future at all for the most part. Which makes sense since really all we ever have is right now, you know? But I also, like I said before, am not in touch with my creative side so I don't really think outside the box on how I can like create something and then sell it. To me that seems fucked but I get it that it's about the benjamins this day in age at one point or another.

I know I probably sound like a dumb shit drone right now, I'm really not. I guess I just lack what you said, about taking initiative into being an adult. I find being an adult to suck more than it's awesome. And I could be dirt poor living in a third world country right now, or some really awful shit. But that doesn't necessarily make me feel any better or motivate me you know? I don't know man...I'm lost. I feel balanced mind body and spirit, but I'm lost. Never have had direction and never taken a step down a path. I'm not sure what will push me to take that first step.

 

[drewski]

thanks man, and yeah, i had a re-read after you put in the carriage returns

my advice would be to get yourself into a place with positive people and projects going on. sure, the world sucks, but it's easier to not be despressed all the time when you're not just looking at one side of the coin all the time.

seek out good people doing good things and you'll end up with a far more positive outlook on things. when i go dumpster dive with friends, or help silkscreen, or just work on interesting projects (stp included) with other people, it's hard to dwell so much on how much the rest of the world sucks.

Thanks for your advice dude. I try and keep that in perspective when I'm sitting by myself thinking about the world or reading something on the internet on how some bill was passed under the table, Obummercare, off-shore bank accounts, The Fed, and all that fun stuff lol. If I was around people doing positive things I wouldn't be thinking about it.

But it's hard not to think about the flaws of pacifism sometimes. Cause no matter what I do that seems to be what I'm doing; being a pacifist. Civilization is just the mother of all fuck ups we humans have made and being a part of it just kills me sometimes. Other times I'm like well I can't fight that enormous complexity so just go with it and maybe when it all turns into a flaming ball of shit I'll get the lesson in the end. Along with the billions I've learned just being in this life...

 

[Deleted member 20]

I hear you. Its tough owing a parent money for something like a car or tuition.Obviously they want you to succeed in the normal sense of the word. Regardless if you do or don't you prob don't want to default on the loan & let your parents down. I see similar situations with young adults away at college while their parents are footing the bill. I think you are are stuck between a rock & a hard place. You seem know that there is stuff out there that is better than just getting by.

I applaud the fact that even though you may have possession of the car it still isn't paid off & therefore isnt yours outright. Most of society doesn't comprehend things this way. I hear time & time again that "I" or "we" just bought a house when in reality they entered into a long term loan with owning the house as the gumball at the bottom of an ice cream screwball. They will eventually own it as long as they stay employed, pay their taxes, budget accordingly, don't live outside their means, stay alive etc, etc etc. These variables are not perceived when most people state I just bought a house. Most fuckers will pay between 20-30 years on a mortgage & then remortgage it but swear that its their house. They may have equity but property can be taken away because people forget who actually owns it. Tools like foreclosure, repos, liens quickly remind people when there car just got towed, their wages garnished & the "house" that they think they "own" is taken away by sheriffs.

I would suggest taking some regional road trips & getting out in nature & just relaxing. I believe that life needs to have balance.

Whats up with the Quantum Physics? Are you dreaming that there must be an alternate universe where everything is much better than the one we are communicating in currently. There is but your wiser, determined & older self has not created it yet. Get to work!

 

[drewski]

I hear you. Its tough owing a parent money for something like a car or tuition.Obviously they want you to succeed in the normal sense of the word. Regardless if you do or don't you prob don't want to default on the loan & let your parents down. I see similar situations with young adults away at college while their parents are footing the bill. I think you are are stuck between a rock & a hard place. You seem know that there is stuff out there that is better than just getting by.

I applaud the fact that even though you may have possession of the car it still isn't paid off & therefore yours outright. Most of society doesn't comprehend things this way. I hear time & time again that "I" or "we" just bought a house when in reality they entered into a long term loan with owning the house as the gumball at the bottom of an ice cream screwball. They will eventually own it as long as they stay employed, pay their taxes, budget accordingly, don't live outside their means, stay alive etc, etc etc. These variables are not perceived when most people state I just bought a house. Most fuckers will pay between 20-30 years on a mortgage & then remortgage it but swear that its their house. They may have equity but property can be taken away because people forget who actually owns it. Tools like foreclosure, repos, liens quickly remind people when there car just got towed, their wages garnished & the "house" that they think they "own" is taken away by sheriffs.

I would suggest taking some regional road trips & getting out in nature & just relaxing. I believe that life needs to have balance.

Whats up with the Quantum Physics? Are you dreaming that there must be an alternate universe where everything is much better than the one we are communicating in currently. There is but your wiser, determined & older self has not created it yet. Get to work!

Thanks for giving me credit, recognizing things and looking at them in a positive way man. I'm so hard on myself it's ridiculous. You're right about when people say that shit though. And then I preach to them how civilization is upheld by violence. Then they're like nuh uh. And then you ask them what happens when they don't pay the owners what they demand. And then you see their face...noige.

I mean I wouldn't mind just getting by you know? I don't need anything extra besides maybe eating a whole pint of some Ben and Jerry's every once in awhile lol. I took that trip like I described in my original post but that's the last bit of traveling I've done since. I have zero dollars that's actually mine now so that's why I know I need to get off my ass and work until I can stash the cash and finally move out West or something. So I guess that's as close as I've gotten to a goal.

And as far as Quantum Physics goes, I don't think of it as the way you described it, although I know you were kidding around. But I just think the double-slit experiment results are fucking MIND BOGGLING. And yeah, pretty much everything else I've read about Quantum Physics reaaaaaallllyyy makes me fall into a rabbit hole. I've done entheogens and fell into some fuckin' rabbit holes okay...But sober Theoretical Physicists are on a whole different level lol.

 

[Deleted member 20]

What 21 year old cares about obamacare, the fed & offshore bank accounts. Focus on being happy, maybe getting drunk or laid & just live. All that bs doesn't have to be for you. That stuff is for sheep. Don't be a sheep be a different animal like a wild turkey or a jackalope. Kid if you aren't carefull you can easily become your own worst enemy. Like a sheep that is shaved every year by the govt to make sweaters, socks & hats for others to wear while they shepherd your naked ass from pasture to pasture.

 

[drewski]

What 21 year old cares about obamacare, the fed & offshore bank accounts. Focus on being happy, maybe getting drunk or laid & just live. All that bs doesn't have to be for you. That stuff is for sheep. Don't be a sheep be a different animal like a wild turkey or a jackalope. Kid if you aren't carefull you can easily become your own worst enemy. Like a sheep that is shaved every year by the govt to make sweaters, socks & hats for others to wear while they shepherd your naked ass from pasture to pasture.

I see your point. I have definitely realized me being my worst enemy. But I will say that I have to disagree that thinking about those things are for sheep. I think those certain topics I listed were misleading seeing as how they're recycled on mainstream news over and over again. I should have just said 'corruption' instead. Cause that affects everyone to some degree. But I never was a drinker. I used to smoke a lot, and get plenty laid hahaha. I say this like I'm an old man or something. I fuckin need to get laid though man God damn...

 

[drewski]

What 21 year old cares about obamacare, the fed & offshore bank accounts. Focus on being happy, maybe getting drunk or laid & just live. All that bs doesn't have to be for you. That stuff is for sheep. Don't be a sheep be a different animal like a wild turkey or a jackalope. Kid if you aren't carefull you can easily become your own worst enemy. Like a sheep that is shaved every year by the govt to make sweaters, socks & hats for others to wear while they shepherd your naked ass from pasture to pasture.

Thanks for everything you had to say though man. You seem like a good dude.

 

[Deleted member 20]

Welcome to STP. Theres tons of info & inspiration here on this forum to get anyone through the winter. Network,chat,meetup, travel & post your plans,projects & stories about how it all works out.Perhaps you can sit down with your dad & openly have this dialogue man to man & see if there is a way that he can accept your decisions


EDITED PS: Perhaps you can sit down with your dad & openly have a similar dialogue man to man. Being a dad myself & remember how I never wanted to grow up, how I wanted money but not have to change who I am at my core for it. Maybe he still remembers that spirit & can accept your choices & decisions whatever they may be. Its easy as fuck to just give up & not care, they call it being homeless. Moving around from place to place living life to the fullest, broke & fancy free without a house, that's just being a fucking rad traveler!

 

[janktoaster]

Man, I'm in the same fucking boat. I have a great family, a lot of support but I'm just so fucking depressed and I feel stuck, unmotivated. It kinda eats at you a bit, right? I hitch hiked all over America in 2013, canoed down the Hudson with a bunch of Natives to reinstate a 400 year old treaty with the Dutch, and just ugh... last year was the best year of my life, fuck man.

But I'm glad you got to experience what you did- I have yet to go to Montana and I know I'll tear up when I see it. I'm 21 too and while my friends are thinking they HAVE to go to school, I'm out there seeing it all. Glaciers are melting, forests are disappearing. The way I see it, there is NO better time than the present. Do you, man, do you.

I know what you mean about being anxious about what you're going to eat and when you're going to shower, where you'll sleep.. but I've found that the universe gives you what you need, when you really need it. Take the time to mentally, physically, and emotionally prepare yourself before going out. Find a job and save, save, save that money so you don't have to busk or spange (I don't have musical talents and have no interesting in spanging either). The job might be shitty, but if you work hard for a couple months you'll have enough money to survive for a while on the road.. especially if you're hitching/hopping.

I find that a job is a good way to get your mind off depression, even if it's a shitty job.. find things to take up space in your life ya know?

I feel like so many people these days accept that life is going to be mundane, as that's all they've know.. it doesn't have to be. I dread the idea of working 9-5, in a fucking cubicle at some company that doesn't give a shit about me, but the thing is, doing that is a conscious choice. You have a choice in nearly every aspect of life, and you can choose what you want to do, not have it be chosen for you.. I dunno if I'm making sense, but things do get better, and you're not fucked. Try not to think too much, don't delve any deeper than you have to, and relax man! Over analyzing things will drive you insane.

I hope some of this helped, I don't really know what to say as I am trying to work on a bunch of things you mentioned. Fuck it, find what you love and let it kill you

 

[Deleted member 20]

My nephew who just turned 18 saved up money for 6 months & is on a plane today from Boston to LAX. He just decided to try something, spent $125 on a 3k mile flight, rented a room, has no job or drivers license, ged etc. Just a skateboard an air mattress, some clothes & a cell phone. He makes me proud & scared for him all at the same time. Use your youth & boredom as drive while letting your family know that theres things you gotta do, see & learn on your own.

 

[janktoaster]

Damn, good for your nephew! I feel like everyone should do something like that..

 

[Tick Dickler]

Just a skateboard an air mattress, some clothes & a cell phone.

oh man hes living the dream for sure!