D
Deleted member 18141
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I put a lot of heart and soul into my art work. I spend a lot of time meditating on things that hurt me to the core of my being so that I can make something to comfort others that hurt as much. I've dated lots of people who look at my work and can't read into what i'm trying to communicate. I'm not an overtly sexual person and am rather shy and reserved and very nervous when it comes to intimacy. People leave after a while because there's no immediate gratification or reason for them to stay. I watch them date other artists who are more sexual and watch them swoon over their artwork and support them whole heartedly. This particular night I cried so hard about it I almost threw up. At the end of the day the very least I have to stop me from crying is that I know I'm always true to who I am. I've almost given up on painting because it didn't make guys I liked have feelings for me. For a long time I painted to make people love me. I tried to be the best painter so everyone would love me. I still make art to make people love me in a sense, but for now I think I'm starting to make it because it's cathartic for me and makes me feel good. This painting I made when I was in a sad place and I made it for me and I wanted to share it for that reason. Here's to accepting I can't always make people love me. And here's to learning that rejection doesn't have to be the end of my being/self esteem. Here's to accepting that intimacy is a long journey but that I'll get there one day. Here's to everyone here for listening <3