stories

Travelogue #23 ....BERKELEY "I don't like people who play Devil's Advocate" said Giggles. Giggles was pissed that I asked why a dedicated busline down the major drive of Telegraph Avenue would be a bad thing. Meanwhile, my friend 300 was passed out on the City Hall steps, his shopping cart...

Travelogue #24 Plastic-Sealed Rectangles Does anybody else do this: Okay, suppose you're walking in a strange town. Perhaps you've just disembarked from mass transit. Not only are you poor, you're broke. Not even enough money to make a phone call to relatives. Maybe you do have enough...

Travelogue #26 Staying at Sally's in Tampa (pt.1) I frequently get the "homebum" title from other traveling types. "You faggot homebum!" has been said more times than I care to remember, and these are my friends. A homebum is simply someone who doesn't travel, gets stuck in a town because...

Travelogue #27 (You would pay money for a book, why not buy me a McChicken on Paypal?) Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!!! Bang.. bang-bang...BANG!!! Down goes Kodie-bear, keeling over. Paws tucked in, and then a rub on the belly. "Good Kodie-bear," says Christopher, and I join in the rubbing of...

Travelogue #28 Will They Still Love You Now That They Know? Gustav Mahler entitled one of his symphonies with the sub-text "The World Has Abandoned Me". When you're looking outside of a Lowe's Home Improvement Center, wondering if the night crew looks in the shed's they use to advertise their...

Travelogue #29 The Measure of... Did you ever hear someone describe themselves as "crazy" and thought that they were gloating? Crazy people often try not to out themselves, so here's this person, all like "I'm crazy" and shit, and you're just like, man, I don't know ca-ray-zee, but I do know...

·Travelogue #30 HOME "Where is your residence?" asked to police officer while my belongings were displayed on the trunk of his police cruiser. Somewhere in Arizona. I rattled off a few of them, but my thoughts yelled contrary opinions to every stated location. "The last place I was living in...

Travelogue #33 (you're thinking "what happened to #32"--well, #32 got rained on by his own .38) Poor Jaybird From Jay's speech pattern, I could tell he was a stoner. And that he wasn't a very bright person sober, either. That Jay was doomed by fate's idea to cast stupidity on him like a...

Travelogue #34 - (I've got a boner for some jello and that's just all sorts of weird) Loner's Prayer "We're gonna go make some money, so we'll see you later, asshole," said these girls I knew. They were going to spange some cash from the passing tourists. It doesn't matter what town, for they...

Travelogue #35 (Dispatches from the plunderground, love of life sliced by knife at age of five) Who Needs Grammar When You've Got Schizo-Emails? OR (I'm sorry, Mom and Dad, but your son is a philanderer) 1) I'm in Denver, missed my train that I was trying to hop towards Chicago, woke up in...

·Travelogue #36 Jaybird's Confession "I always thought that I'd be famous, that I'd be a rockstar or something, or..." Jaybird trailed off. It was Frederick Jay talking to me as went north from Sacramento to Grant's Pass, OR. He said it with a look of resignation, of a man overlooking his...

poems to burn down the river. The Moving Company Blues Goddamnit, don't break my fucking door says George The passenger side door is separated in two, the plastic sheathing hanging loose on the inside makes a tremendous rattle and George threatens me with paying for the door. George, goddamnit...

Invalid Subject Line - (you cannot leave this line blank) You're the Lloyd Center of my recollection with the buttery pretzels and underpaid cashiers beckoning you with bullshit and internship-grade enthusiasm The mall, the congregation of commerce and the accomodations for the handicapped the...

·Travelogue #37 (Its high time to start writing again, to get out the mental dialogue into something more tangible. Stories are fictionalizing in proportion to the truth like a soup--does it need more false-salt, or is it past the point of no-return, and should I just throw it in down the...

Travelogue #38 "It's Pronounced 'New Ark'" After escaping a punk house infested with young alcoholics, Newark, Delaware was looking better in the rearview mirror. The inverse proportion of "the further, the better" (our well-being) that only travellers and criminals have in common. Sharmini...

Travelogue #39 A Quick One fo--err, from the Road En route to Fredericksburg, VA via I-95 southbound ME: "How much money did you make street-fighting?" DOUG: "Oh, you could make two-hundred, three-hundred for whoopin' some ass." He laughed. "I got rolled around in some glass a few times."...

Travelogue #40 How We Change "There" to "Here", and "Here" to "There" with Time-and-Distance Ingredients With the loud highway roar and the quickly fading memories of a place embraced fading to sarcasm and nostalgia, why, we stand on the side of the road with thumbs pointed skyward. The...

Travelogue #41 - I want to play spontaneous semen checkers with your gingham dress. King me. Outsmarting is Not Necessarily Rewarded April Fool's Day in Reno, Nevada. A group of desperate, tired men are sitting in an emergency shelter because of the freezing temperatures. The movie Speed is...

·Travelogue #42 - "Fuck you, too?" Fuck you to the power of three, as well. TERRORIST!!!!!! "Spare some change for a terrorist?" said Nick, dressed in a towel around his face, bandit-style. He was sitting indian-style. I was sitting beside him, viewing the Key West night along Duval Street...

Travelogue #43 (Coldcuts sing out!) An Excerpt from the Greaseball Asphalt Gypsies Traveling can put your mind into the state of surreality. In one instance, you can find your hands lubricated with diesel and beige dirt while a 9 year-old operates a steamroller. The 9 year-old has a 20...