now that I'm not drunk... I can offer a different view of how I feel about this. I dont really care what I do or dont contribute to "society" as a whole. its obvious that in certain ways I do somehow impact those around me, and sometimes that impact radiates out to even more people... people I dont know, or will never meet, but for the majority of humankind, I just dont give a fuck anymore. I try to make myself happy, I DO educate myself (even if I dont go to some structured classes in a little room with a bunch of other people), I entertain myself pretty damn well, and I search for others who might be worthy of spending my time with. Along the way, most people seem to like me and enjoy my presence. I smile at people I dont know (who probably at first glance think that I am a "bad" person), and play with kids who find my modifications to be amazing. Sometimes I change people's minds just by being myself.
Sometimes I think I'm the "coolest kid who dropped out of school", and some days I think I am not worth much at all. it IS a mental issue, but I work on it. I'm human... and I move on just like most other humans do.
All I know is that I dont want to live up to the expectations of everyone else, I tried to do that for a long time and it just drove me further and further away from happiness. Now I strive to live in a way that satisfies my own needs and expectations (which includes being there for my friends and family)... and fuck all those other people and what they think I should spend my life contributing to everything else. I think I have enough on my plate as it is.
Tomorrow I may feel differently. But thats just who I am.

I think I'm okay with that.