crush for life

Hollywood

Hollywood

New member
i've had a crush on someone for about 2 1/2 years now and probably will for some time. i've also had a boyf for just as long. the crush is someone that i would never consider being in a relationship with because i am very happy with my boyf(crush also has turnoffs)

i am sort of having a craving for that "new" feeling and just figuring out a way to deal with this. i think in long term monogamy its harmless to fantasize about you and your crush one and one-ing on a roof top all night or some other romantic situation as long as you don't become too consumed in the crush. anyone else feel this way and have a "crush for life?"
 
Monogamy is a struggle in itself, no?
As for whether it's harmless or harmful to have fantasies of someone other than your (monogamous) partner, I don't know - but it does make me question what is the point of the monogamy, because clearly there are thoughts of others.
 
I'm not going to touch the monogamy subject, chances are it will end in a huge debate, but yes. fuck yes will i always have a life long crush, and it's on a super close friend too...
 
Well the way I see it you are dwelling on this crush. and the thing about that word is its just that. A crush. It will do just that. Crush you. Youve been hanging on to that fantasy for too long, in my oppinion, and need to let go before you get yourself hurt. Say you wont let it happen but you cant escape the lion once it has you between its jaws.
 
i dwell on it from time to time. especially when i accidentally have dreams with him in it. but most of the time its just having a very soft spot for the crush.

talking to my circle of friends probably half of them have crushes for life. i just thought it was pretty common.

not thinking about others is a struggle. i don't think monogamy is about that. how could you not think of others time to time or even having feelings for others time to time? its just the same as fantasizing about beating the shit out of someone. i don't do it. i suppose monogamy works best for me out of the other options. if you read the polyamory thread most of the time jealousy is a huge issue. maybe further down the line in a long-term monogamous relationship you can grow to love each other enough to allow relationships with others.
 
not going to touch the monogamy thing. but I've noticed for me when I have a crush that long then finally sleep with them it's not that good cause they'll never live up to the fantasy my mind as created over them.
 
Lady, I know what you're going through. I'm currently dating a girl who's pretty rad and who I enjoy spending time with; I also can't get this other girl out of my head. I hardly even know the other girl anymore (we were good friends at school a long time ago but then she moved away); she was someone I clicked with, there was chemistry. I've come to terms with this probably just being me wanting to feel appreciated or that special something I felt in the beginning of my current relationship. But I too still have dreams about her, I still wonder about what she's doing with her life, I wonder if she still thinks about me the way I think about her. I'm going on a trip this summer and she offered me a place to stay, which has me feeling both like I"m going crazy and stoked out of my mind (which I guess might be the same thing)
 
pheonix said:
but I've noticed for me when I have a crush that long then finally sleep with them it's not that good cause they'll never live up to the fantasy my mind as created over them.
Click to expand...

i've got one of these 'crush for life' things going on but don't really sexualise the person at all. i've never had an really erotic dream about them or anything..i've just never met anyone who even begins to compare to this kid. but i also believe that a large part of shit working with other people as lovers n partners is sex. so that's why it remains a 'crush for life'...hm.
 
There was someone in highschool that i had a wicked crush on. still do, not as bad.. It wasn't ever really sexual, although he was sexy.
I just wanted to cuddle and kiss or listen to his voice, i think i just really liked being around him, interacting was another story..

Monogamy/open love is a tricky one, depending on where you are in you life and what youre looking for. I am all for free love, but sometimes my reactions say otherwise.. i try to sit with them and understand why, usually it's feeling left out.. if we alls just gathered in a place where people were open to free love and the environment was one of sharing discussions, laughter & music, i don't think it would be that hard to find someone or two people that you click with. Though the type of persons you end up liking and likes you may be different than ones you may have found with a strictly 2pear bonded relationship view.. who can say

when you have nice dreams just smile :)
 
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