basics

[quagRZ]

We are all stuck in natures politics of survival, are shelters are weak and our food has diminished. The monetary value of are lives is as worthless as the dirt we sleep in, leaving us more vulnerable to natural selection. Yet we still quarrel, pulling our selves from the ashes of our tattered human existence, we evolve from the ash a Phoenix, the flames from our wings brighter than the surface of the sun, our screams like the cry's of a banshee will be heard from across the globe. With every passing sun the wolf-pack will grow, by night fall we will lash from our dens at the throats of our foe, for we need to nourish our selves spiritually as we may soar free.

 

[CXR1037]

*yawn*

are shelters are weak

*"our shelters...", not are

The monetary value of are lives is as worthless as the dirt we sleep in

Again with the our/are.
Also, what are you trying to say? Who's saying that our lives have a monetary value? And why would you assume we all sleep in dirt? Are you from Africa or something?

leaving us more vulnerable to natural selection.

I don't understand what you're saying. How does all of this make us vulnerable to natural selection? Can you explain this more clearly?

Yet we still quarrel, pulling our selves from the ashes of our tattered human existence

So now you're introducing this subject of quarreling...and somehow, our quarreling pulls us up from our existence...thus - quarreling saves us from destruction? Is that what you're saying?
And please NEVER use "the ashes of our tattered human existence" again. What are you, 17? Have you been listening to some AFI lately? Please enlighten me what's so "tattered" about our existence? On second thought, please don't....

we evolve from the ash a Phoenix,

wat

the flames from our wings brighter than the surface of the sun,

Besides being egregiously flowery, what does this have to do with anything else?

our screams like the cry's of a banshee will be heard from across the globe.

I sure as hell won't be screaming. Who is the group you're referring to with "our"? And why is that group screaming in the first place?

With every passing sun the wolf-pack will grow

That's completely irrelevant to everything.

by night fall we will lash from our dens at the throats of our foe

So your mystery group of people have magically transformed from human to mythological bird to wolf?
And who the fuck is your enemy? There's more ambiguity in this that there is in a transgender studies class.

for we need to nourish our selves spiritually as we may soar free

And you're back to bird creature again...

What are you trying to say in this piece? What are you trying to convey? I can assume you're making some grandiose statement about anarchy, since it's in this forum - but how would a reader know what you're talking about if this were standing alone on the pages of a zine?

This lacks depth, subject, and coherence. I recommend you read The Elements of Style to better your writing.

Keep trying!

 

[AnarchistRon]

@ CXR1037

HAHAHAHA!

Was that really necessary? I suspect he was very well aware of his grammatical and punctual errors. You are criticizing an Anarchist over trivial matters, these protestations fall upon deaf ears, I am sure. Certainly the potency of the piece would increase greatly if he could form a coherent sentence, but considering its directed at a knowledgeable audience, I did not find it difficult at all to understand the message he wished to convey.

Furthermore, this is a work of art you are criticizing, not a literary article subject to publication.

I would also recommend the Elements of Style, I hear that it tends to better one's writing.

@quagRZ

(I couldn't remove the bold)I have enjoyed your analogy greatly, and it appears very appropriate to our context. Although I doubt whether the voice of the people will ever be "be heard from across the globe" I will continue to remain a cell in this ever growing body of discontent.

 

[CXR1037]

this is a work of art you are criticizing

Don't ever call something like this "art" again.

 

[quagRZ]

everyones a critic i guess... this is what ever you want it to be folks but i guess its mostly aimed at humans having to revert back to their primal instincts when backed into a corner because we are all animals in this world so yeah thats why all the beast reference's .. and yes i do lack in the department of words and you know what i don't give a shat...... booo yaaaaah

 

[quagRZ]

AnarchistRon ... i'm glad you enjoyed this "POEM" and yes the voice of the people will be herd from across the globe, you just have to have to keep a positive outlook buddy

 

[CXR1037]

everyones a critic i guess... this is what ever you want it to be folks but i guess its mostly aimed at humans having to revert back to their primal instincts when backed into a corner because we are all animals in this world so yeah thats why all the beast reference's .. and yes i do lack in the department of words and you know what i don't give a shat...... booo yaaaaah

Well, enjoy your lack of audience.

You anarchists never get it - well-written, captivating prose is SUPER EFFECTIVE in influencing people.

 

[quagRZ]

Well i guess i have some sort of audience... your jerk ass is reading my shit so yeah have a wonderful day comrade.

 

[FigTree]

i'd have to agree with cxr that it's not exactly well written and most people hearing this would just tune out pretty much anything else you say, but writing shit is better than writing nothing at all. just write more, and instead of trying to make it into like this epic biblical stuff, just relate on a personal level. so basically i'm saying stop trying so hard. blah. good on you for writing -something-.

 

[cranberrydavid]

I sure as hell won't be screaming.

you would if your wings were burning

 

[rationale]

CXR, you may be surprised to note that despite your inability to even make a halfway decent attempt at refuting my points with regard to the Egypt revolution from a little while back, and your "You, sir, are an idiot" statement directed at me in another thread (the one regarding the trainhopping forum changes), I actually tend to find your sarcasm and other cruelty quite humorous, generally Don't you think its a bit excessive, though? I mean, what precisely is the benefit of being so harshly critical towards someone's writing? Give the guy a break...

 

[AnarchistRon]

CXR, you may be surprised to note that despite your inability to even make a halfway decent attempt at refuting my points with regard to the Egypt revolution from a little while back, and your "You, sir, are an idiot" statement directed at me in another thread (the one regarding the trainhopping forum changes), I actually tend to find your sarcasm and other cruelty quite humorous, generally Don't you think its a bit excessive, though? I mean, what precisely is the benefit of being so harshly critical towards someone's writing? Give the guy a break...

My friend, you will discover through your continued exposure to the seemingly boundless range of human personalities, that a very very common genre of human exists in this world, one most often labeled: Asshole. The primary characteristic of the Asshole is defined by the unnecessary infliction of emotional and/or physical harm, directed most often upon those who cannot retaliate. Often, no tangible reward results from these actions, they tend to commit them to placate some twisted sense of humor or to further expand the already bloated ego. It is best to avoid the Asshole when found in the wild, they are a dangerous bread, easily provoked, and should they strike, may "He who wishes well" (God) have mercy on your soul, for their wrath has no bounds.

 

[Nelco]

Don't ever call something like this "art" again.

*giggling*

 

[Nelco]

AnarchistRon ... i'm glad you enjoyed this "POEM" and yes the voice of the people will be herd from across the globe, you just have to have to keep a positive outlook buddy

The voice of what people?

 

[FigTree]

i gave up on helping society out, kerouac taught me to walk around it instead.

 

[AnarchistRon]

The voice of what people?
Actions speak louder than words..not trying to be an outright cunt, but the only freedom fighters, seem to be black block and the rest of us aren't about shit really, so how does our voice count in a society that talks money anyways?
I've been involved with my share of truther wars, but I see how much that did..just a lot of time, and wasted energy.
Just trying to be straight up.
If anyone see's me wrong, speak up,maybe there's something actual having an effect, i'm missing. The only light I've seen at the end of this corperate tunnel is depending on mother nature to destroy and pull us all out of this, because if we don't all go back to a natural way of life on our own, than something greater is going to have to force it on us.
I'm just as sick as anyone else, but the majority out weighs the rest of us.

The majority will join us once they live on the streets. When the very fabric of their lives crumble before their very eyes. When a life style common to their family for generations is tossed into the shitter at the wave of a pen.

Only through suffering does revolution prosper. Happy people do not think, do not worry, and they certainly do not dream of revolution.

He speaks of the voices of the workers, the suffers, the exploited, the common consumer, the slaves--those who are left to carry the burden of labor, and are rewarded by eating out of the hands of the elite. One day our voice will be heard, but only when we unite under a common banner. Should our voice not be heard, then the fate of humanity is sealed--the only certainty than is that the blood of the elite will flow through the streets, should I be the only one to embrace reason and place this liberty upon my shoulders.

 

[rationale]

My friend, you will discover through your continued exposure to the seemingly boundless range of human personalities, that a very very common genre of human exists in this world, one most often labeled: Asshole. The primary characteristic of the Asshole is defined by the unnecessary infliction of emotional and/or physical harm, directed most often upon those who cannot retaliate. Often, no tangible reward results from these actions, they tend to commit them to placate some twisted sense of humor or to further expand the already bloated ego. It is best to avoid the Asshole when found in the wild, they are a dangerous bread, easily provoked, and should they strike, may "He who wishes well" (God) have mercy on your soul, for their wrath has no bounds.

I rather enjoyed your well-worded response. Indeed, it is often best to avoid this (unfortunately) common type of person.

 

[rationale]

i gave up on helping society out, kerouac taught me to walk around it instead.

So you advocate just letting it burn, even if it consumes all of us? I realize this is a rather vague and general response, but I gather you understand what I mean... You think we should just let the elites inflict suffering upon us, correct?