how to pass a piss test

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Mouse

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since most of us seem pretty knowledgeable about probation and da man holding us down... share your tricks.
 
Niacin pills!!!

They'll make you itchy and hot and sick as a dog. But I've had friends that I smoked with the night before a piss test who popped a bunch that night/morning, and passed with flying colors.
 
Just...Don't smoke weed when you know you're going to get a piss test? Nah, that's just crazy. Smoking a bowl is totally worth screwing with your body chemistry to no end to try and hide it :P
 
get some certo gelatin and mix 1 packet with a cup of water and drink it a hour and a half before the drug test. the gelatin will hold all the thc in your body while you piss. i dont think it lasts more than a few hours though
 
I'd heard a slightly different story on the gelatin. What I heard was that you were to drink LOTS of water until your pee is totally clear, and then a couple hours before the test take the gelatin and some vitamin B supplements. The B vitamins are to colour the urine and the gelatin is to artificially raise it's specific gravity, because apparently they'll reject the urine sample if it's not yellow and if it's too watery.
 
Dameon said:
Just...Don't smoke weed when you know you're going to get a piss test? Nah, that's just crazy. Smoking a bowl is totally worth screwing with your body chemistry to no end to try and hide it :P
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what makes you think I'm just talking about weed? ha


neways..

I've heard the niacin thing works. I'm always very chicken shit about these things. I get tested somewhat randomly (I kinda k now when it's coming but not exactly) I did some coke the other day and came back with suboxin in my system aftera month. luckily I pissed dirty for my program and not my PO. He gives the very simple test, and since I had that staph infection I had a 'script for hydrocodone and was dirty on opiates but he has no idea what type other than the obvious pills.

I tend to behave myself but sometimes I slip.

and I never work for places that piss test. it's lame.
 
Just drink lots and lots of water before your piss test. as long as you drink enough water the test will come out deluted and they wont be able to get an accurate read off of it.
 
also, if you can get your hands on a testing set (whatever its called) it can be helpful, just so you can test yourself before going to see you PO, that way you know what to expect and be prepaired for... for example if you fail horribly, you at least know that you need to come up with some kind of story about how its so hard to stay clean or something... ive often thought about how well saying that you found jesus would go over with a PO.
 
if you're a guy get someone to pee in a condom. and tie it. (obviously someone who is sober, pay a straightedge kid or something) than when the person administering is watching you bust it out from the inside of your pants and poke it with a safety pin. it's pretty gross but as long as they don't catch you in the act you should be good.
 
about a tablspoon of bleach in about a gallon of water its not as bad as pool water and its worked for me
 
derekja said:
I'd heard a slightly different story on the gelatin. What I heard was that you were to drink LOTS of water until your pee is totally clear, and then a couple hours before the test take the gelatin and some vitamin B supplements. The B vitamins are to colour the urine and the gelatin is to artificially raise it's specific gravity, because apparently they'll reject the urine sample if it's not yellow and if it's too watery.
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very true, has worked all but one time for me out of like a hundred thousand haha. My folks used to make me get tested monthly little did they know ha!
 
Well I don't know if you can get a fake vagina but High Times always has adds for this deal called "the Whizzinator" which is a strap-on rubber penis and ball sac.
The rubber scrotum actually is a reservoir for fake pee/someone else's pee.
google it
 
Derekja is correct. I worked under contract for a company designing piss and oral tests. The cheap local piss-tests use the same chemical asymptotes as the laboratories. They test for THC, dillution, and specific gravity. Oh and if sent to a lab, they check the temperature to make sure it came out of your body (plus or minus a degree).

So yeah, a ton of water, and then something with a lot of liquid salt will do ya good. Anything to raise the specific gravity, personally I'll use Gatorade or cranberry juice.

Oh, and try some salicylic acid for an oral test. works wonders to break down the chemicals inside the test. But you didn't hear it from me.
 
stove said:
...try some salicylic acid for an oral test. works wonders to break down the chemicals inside the test. But you didn't hear it from me.
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Is salicylic acid available beyond as active ingredient in "Oxy" brand anti-acne wipe-pads or cremes or whatever?

Now who did I hear that from?!?...
 
Ok umm finally like a topic I actually know about lol... Hmm where to start water water water... Not just for weed its for a lot of stuff.. I always keep old opiate pill bottles around and will put like generic asperin or whatever in there when I go in.... Ok I'm not sure if I can acurately describe this but my friend used to use I forget what she called it... But she took a cigar tub cut it down filled it with clean urine and then fashioned a string on to the end of it and like I guess just pull the cap off.. she said it was always comical to her that 3 times a week they always got the same amount of urine.... Oh and cocaine does not neccisarily leave your system in three days that is a myth lol.. It really depends on how much you do and how good it is.. Ive dropped dirty for cocaine like 5 days after.. Ive also dropped dirty for cocaine and all I was doing was boy guess you really never know what your getting..
 
you can buy synthetic urine online for about 25 bucks. i have used this shit before as I used to get random drug tests for my job. i think i passed 5 or 6 tests with it no problem. i'll find the exact product later if anyone is interested. mix it up and put it in a small 2 oz bottle with hand warmers. when your ready to take the test secrete it right behind your balls if your male. wear some tight underwear so it stays in place.
usually when you go get a drug test for a job they just check pockets, but sometimes they do a pat down. when they pat down they never check the area around the privates. its very important you do a few tests runs before hand so you can get the temperature of the synthetic urine right. if the urine is to cold, or to hot it will be rejected.

taking random ass 'detox' products or using products to dilute your urine donesn't work and it will be detected. synthetic urine works. i can get the 4 other potheads i worked with to come in here and confirm synthetic piss too.
 
ArrowInOre said:
BTW, the amount of THC that holds in the human body is supposedly based on your body fat. So like Mouse, you may not hold it in your system for very long, petite thing that you are. But my old obese ass would be screwed if i took a u.a....At least or an extra week or two over the typical 30 days blah blah blah. No, really if i smoked in say March 1st, I would probably show + till like the middle of April. Grrrrrrr. There for I assume that fat hippies have a fucked time finding jobs, ha ha. Gelatin trick a VERY new one on me, will have to check that out, hmmmm....
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i am 5'1 1/2" 120 and thc held up in my body for a long time surprisingly it sucked
 
I did a nickle of some complimentary time and if you're on REAL probation here's some real friendly advice. First all the stories about urine and condoms (which doesn't seem to apply to you), etc. could work. Your problem is, as Stove's pointed out, temperature. Should be a strip on the side of the bottle. And let's keep this thing REAL. What are you gonna do? Shove someone eles's shit up in you PRIOR to going in and hope it don't break? Also, the PO generally watches you piss, right? If not, you're in a place I NEED to come and commit crime as that's STANDARD protocol. Now that the rants over for background, let's look at some options that are TRIED and TRUE:

Porn joints generally carry detox products. Just get the name, pull their website up, research their chemicals and cross-reference as to whether or not they are diuretics. I used detoxl's stuff back in the day. Used to have a website, but the porn joint out here still carries 'em. I don't buy them anymore, my old lady and I simply like the First Amendment.

Now, the old water game. Yup, good way to go upstate REAL fucking quick! Why? A diluted sample is the same as a DIRTY sample in the eyes of the law! I know!

You can get a 5 panel tester and a COC strip for about $10 bux and check ur shit in advance anywayz. Pot is your 30+ day hit. Bad shit as I don't care how skinny you are it's gonna hold. Coke 3-5 days. Your pills and shit depend on quantity and bank on 30.

Abstinenece is the best policy, but you aren't gonna do that. So, I'd HIGHLY recommend you wave off on any of the folk remedies and get some cash and do some research. I called my buddy to see what she's on and will post it when I find out. Good luck!
 
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