Why is it that some people can't fit with everyday society like other people?

[jaws]

I'm including myself into this.

I've been off the road for years now. I posted earlier about what all I did and where I went before landing here in Austin, TX. Featured - I hopped freights, hitched, bicycled and squated North America for 6 years, now I am off the road and living in ATX. - https://squattheplanet.com/threads/i-hopped-freights-hitched-bicycled-and-squated-north-america-for-6-years-now-i-am-off-the-road-and-living-in-atx.42719/

I've been living the fancy life, going back to college, living in an apartment, gym membership, bathing everyday, swimming everyday, buying food instead of dumpster diving.

Suddenly I can't take it anymore, I wrote about this in my story I posted. It's like I hate this pleasant fucking life that society narrates. It's fake, at least when I was homeless I could breathe. At least when I sat down with other homeless people we could relate. Friend circles that float around in society hide pain, I hung out with homeless people because I wanted to show pain and I wanted to feel their pain. I wanted someone to suffer with. When we got a meal we were happy, physically and emotionally. The standards for acceptance were so low, all you had to do was be kind. Here in society, the standards are so high, kind isn't enough.

My theory is that we are just people pretending to enjoy society. If you deleted all the cars and mansions, there would be nothing but stinky people looking for food with dirty messy hair BUT WE WOULD BE HAPPY. We would be happy because we couldn't hide our pain anymore. It would be right there in plain sight. Everyone would know what everyone's pain is. I kind of just want to go back to being homeless but now I'm stuck in the middle of all of this. I can't quit school, I can't let go of my place, I already invested too much.

As soon as I finish school I'm getting a van and rubber tramping again. Or I'm going to just live out of a backpack and try to work remotely around the world.

I was happier when I lived in an abandoned building

At least I felt connected then

Here is a project I had to do in ArcGIS, I just brushed up my original post into a story map that was over the course of 6 years. I had to sum up everything so loads of details, places, friends, events, and stories got left out but it's nicer looking than my map doodle in my original post.

A sabbatical - https://arcg.is/9jWmW1

 

[zenchop]

Some people crave stability and safety, some crave adventure and danger. Some of us are broken enough to not know how to relate to someone who watches TV, some of us only know the sound of wind through pine trees miles from traffic and artificial light. Whatever it is I'm glad we can find reassurance in a tribe of rebels and oddballs and creatives and addicts cause otherwise I would have no friends.

 

[jaws]

Good answer and I feel that. . I guess I should be happy and focus on the few people that I do have in my life to relate to instead of wishing all of society would change. Thanks man

 

[rivervictor]

feeling your pain. I want better than everyday society! normal is killing Mother Earth.

looking for community lately, I'm feeling so down on humanity. I wish the hippies had better values. I'm finding the hippies value money and how you look just as much as regular people, just with slightly different clothes. I'm just about giving up.

what you say about kindness burns with truth. being kind is too rare, and I wish it was enough. I need to look like a magazine lady too? no way!

 

[zenchop]

I have been seeking community, I think most of my life.I consider myself punk, even though most of the music I listen to is from a range of other genres. The question authority, diy, anti control and pro equality root values in punk has always held true but even there there's dissonance.I wonder if the effort of seeking community could become the community itself, like it is here.I don't know how to socialize or make new friends outside of bars. I just had been going to them since I was young and never developed that set of social skills. Does that mean it's too late for me to escape awkward city? Or is that what should be my charm if I had the confidence to use it? Locally trying to find literally a single person who I can feel kinship to become increasingly impossible as I age. Lost all the folks that had called themselves family over the last 4 years as they all had kids and slowly having me around made them question the wisdom of my influence on yungins in the long run and I can't even argue with that (I'm no role model but I'm not an asshole I think).I kinda forgot what the fuck I'm talking about but I am consciously trying to engage with written discourse again. I once was a writer, and that's an incredibly isolating existence and I don't know if I want to embrace that again even if it means I can express in grand fashion through stories what I never get to share in person because nobody's here to listen. Plus I find most people don't really want to listen to stories, they want to tell them and seek acceptance or validation and I totally get that. I'm working toward, or back from, ego death after a really bad car accident and I find the topic of community to be a powder keg of tangents, from forming local clubs to do stuff, maybe starting a food not bombs, to the question of the value of online community and meta shit on the horizon and are we needing to conform to those outlets or be left behind alone and unstimulated? Ok I'm sorry, I just had to leave work for 5 minutes to go smoke a bowl in my van, had permission since it's medicinal and all, and I don't remember what I just typed but it was long

 

[Fuzzypeach]

I have felt that way all my life. This entire dystopian nightmare of a society exists solely for the profits of the rich. That's it, when you boil it down. K-12 school is brainwashing, indoctrination to make us compliant factory workers. Money is the weapon they use to control us. All you have to do is look at what happened to the Native Americans. They saw through it and fought hard against it.

 

[Colinleath]

I think the US is a hard scene. There are pockets of goodness (San Juan islands?) and even whole states where community is much easier (Hawaii) but overall misfits, autists (in the WSB & crypto sense), may have a harder time in the US than say even just across the border in Mexico.

It helps to be in poorer countries that aren't dominated by users of private motor vehicles in my opinion.

I think if those commiserating here had made it to the European rainbow gathering and then to Ecotopia bike tour you might feel a bit different.

There is another everyday society and in other parts of the world it can be easier to find and maybe even a larger percentage of people's lived experience than in the US.

For my part I blame the transportation system. So unhuman and isolating.

I blame the language (English has come under the influence of Murdoch -controlled press and similar influences).

I blame the lack of socialist history.

I blame the ethos required to take over the country from the Comanches & others in Texas & elsewhere. & That required to support slavery. The effects of all of which are still baked in.

I blame the lack of (as yet) an anticlerical revolution, in which the purveyors of religious dogma are ransacked and run out and often executed (Spain, France, Mexico have all had this (the Spanish anticlericalism outside of Catalonia may have only been literary)).

And the US Constitution and Senate are other hindrances as well.

And the effect of military blowback. . . Militarization of police forces, the vet-> police pipeline. & The effect of fighting wars based on lies.


But are there people who are not reporting here who have found the community of their dreams or some approximation of it in the US? Yes. Are there positives to all those negatives I've listed? Yes. Except maybe the transportation one.

Ok, enough rambling here. I've definitely had similar thoughts myself re: difficulty of finding community. . . But maybe keep trying, think globally and also. . .

As self-help facilitator Peter Sage suggests, if you're seeking a purpose, ask yourself what wound you have and help others heal that wound. . . So sticking around in the US and helping others in your situation there might potentially be a meaningful path.

 

[Section8]

I think the biggest reason is childhood trauma. Trauma teaches you to distrust other people. And since society is full of now potential "perpetrators" you have a hard time connecting with other people. I think there also an unconscious drive to stay mobile. That's what the site is about, not so much the destination but the act of traveling itself.

The best times in my life have always been the "transition" in between jobs or other events. I get burned out if I stay somewhere for too long. Typically 3-4 months and then I feel the need to move again. Makes for a very frustrating life.

My dreams have always been changing, but there is a common theme. A cabin in the woods, live in the arctic, live in a sailboat, live out of an RV. I'm only at peace by myself, miles away from other people and typically on the move.

 

[ClassAClassy]

I'm including myself into this.

I've been off the road for years now. I posted earlier about what all I did and where I went before landing here in Austin, TX. Featured - I hopped freights, hitched, bicycled and squated North America for 6 years, now I am off the road and living in ATX. - https://squattheplanet.com/threads/i-hopped-freights-hitched-bicycled-and-squated-north-america-for-6-years-now-i-am-off-the-road-and-living-in-atx.42719/

I've been living the fancy life, going back to college, living in an apartment, gym membership, bathing everyday, swimming everyday, buying food instead of dumpster diving.

Suddenly I can't take it anymore, I wrote about this in my story I posted. It's like I hate this pleasant fucking life that society narrates. It's fake, at least when I was homeless I could breathe. At least when I sat down with other homeless people we could relate. Friend circles that float around in society hide pain, I hung out with homeless people because I wanted to show pain and I wanted to feel their pain. I wanted someone to suffer with. When we got a meal we were happy, physically and emotionally. The standards for acceptance were so low, all you had to do was be kind. Here in society, the standards are so high, kind isn't enough.

My theory is that we are just people pretending to enjoy society. If you deleted all the cars and mansions, there would be nothing but stinky people looking for food with dirty messy hair BUT WE WOULD BE HAPPY. We would be happy because we couldn't hide our pain anymore. It would be right there in plain sight. Everyone would know what everyone's pain is. I kind of just want to go back to being homeless but now I'm stuck in the middle of all of this. I can't quit school, I can't let go of my place, I already invested too much.

As soon as I finish school I'm getting a van and rubber tramping again. Or I'm going to just live out of a backpack and try to work remotely around the world.

I was happier when I lived in an abandoned building

At least I felt connected then

Here is a project I had to do in ArcGIS, I just brushed up my original post into a story map that was over the course of 6 years. I had to sum up everything so loads of details, places, friends, events, and stories got left out but it's nicer looking than my map doodle in my original post.

A sabbatical - https://arcg.is/9jWmW1

My partner and I were just discussing this. We moved into an RV and hit the road 5 years ago and can't imagine returning to any kind of "normal" life. I love taking my whole life with me wherever I go, and never feeling settled. I think we're addicted to change and challenge.

I think about my boomer parents and marvel at the fact that they have so much money and instead of traveling and exploring the world they chose to buy a big house, fill it with junk and motorized toys, and stay in the small town in the middle of nowhere. My mother says "bloom where you are planted" but I say "thrive where you find yourself in the moment." When they die, none of us want their stuff. Someone will have to spend a lot of time to get rid of it (UGH).

I can't stand the thought of having to try to fit-in again. I'm sorry, I don't have the answer for you, but as you already know you are not alone, I'm just high-fiving here. I'm just trying to live my best life, follow my heart, and let the universe decide. When you think about it, nothing else makes sense. One life, live it to the fullest.

 

[ClassAClassy]

feeling your pain. I want better than everyday society! normal is killing Mother Earth.

looking for community lately, I'm feeling so down on humanity. I wish the hippies had better values. I'm finding the hippies value money and how you look just as much as regular people, just with slightly different clothes. I'm just about giving up.

what you say about kindness burns with truth. being kind is too rare, and I wish it was enough. I need to look like a magazine lady too? no way!

OMG your response gutted me. I'm so sorry you experienced unkind people.

We've met those people, those "hippies," and we learned hard lessons. I disagree that "most people are nice." Most people are damaged, IMO. They have their own agendas and will take advantage of empaths and other generous or kind folks. We started out warm and open with strangers but are now slightly withdrawn, less open until we get to know someone a bit. We've learned to avoid the charismatic types and, instead, seek out the shy ones.

Hugs to you. You are beautiful!

 

[rivervictor]

OMG your response gutted me. I'm so sorry you experienced unkind people.

We've met those people, those "hippies," and we learned hard lessons. I disagree that "most people are nice." Most people are damaged, IMO. They have their own agendas and will take advantage of empaths and other generous or kind folks. We started out warm and open with strangers but are now slightly withdrawn, less open until we get to know someone a bit. We've learned to avoid the charismatic types and, instead, seek out the shy ones.

Hugs to you. You are beautiful!

hey thank you for your care. yes, I like the idea of seeking out the shy ones.

yes, I feel pretty used by the farm my spouse and I were recently at for one month. we did so much--chickens twice a day, cleaning, cooking, bike repair, conversation, sharing--but it didn't matter. and when we applied to live there long term, I think it was just an exercise in futility so they could seem fair. but it was a waste of time. they should have just said no to begin with.

I saw the WWOOFER was so grumpy and she left a week early, which people downplayed. but I realized they treat the WWOOFERS like slaves. one of the reasons they gave for their "no" to us is that they wanted to use that space for a WWOOFER, and it seemed like a bandaid. rather than deal with the power issues in their community, they had tiers where WWOOFERs were treated a certain way, the regular members were treated a certain way, the people who had been there for a certain amount of years were in charge...

the matriarch had written a book on community and we thought she must be very smart about community. but her ideals didn't match the way the place functioned at all.

my friend said that maybe my spouse and I dodged a bullet. good to get away from these folks who are so ableist. it confused me how they were nice on the surface but mean deep down. friendly and selfish is pretty common combination, so I'm not sure why I'm still so confused by it. ¯\(ツ)/¯

 

[ClassAClassy]

It sounds like a terrible experience that you had to go through, and I agree with your friend, you dodged a bullet. Please be grateful it was only a month of your life. Think of the valuable lesson you learned! If you had stayed you might have experienced shame, loss of self-esteem, and eventual character assassination. You were very lucky.

We were only a year on the road when we drawn into the web of scams where we lost over a year of our happy, naive existence and thousands of our dollars. We're still recovering mentally and financially, but our confusion and shame led to awareness and caution and understanding. We did a lot of research. We learned about narcissists (so many on the road). We studied others' similar experiences (on and off the road) and learned to recognize the red flags. It's not surprising that the leader in your situation wrote a book (many narcissists do for self aggrandizement. They also run charities, teach classes, engage in high-profile ways to make money, take advantage of others, and see themselves as saviors).

Thank you so much for sharing your story. We were considering doing the farm thing (you might have saved us some heartache). You guys sound like trusting, beautiful, generous souls. Don't let the posures change your spirits

 

[sevedemanos]

yep. same. can relate to a lot of whats mentioned here.

a lot of travelers wound up out there initially bc they grew up with abuse, trauma, all kinds of dark shit, and had nowhere else to go. some eventually turn to drugs and or the infinite cobweb of narcissists one has to wade through every day for a sense of belonging. i like to mention rose kaoitii a lot on that topic bc not only is she just an all around cool human being but she managed to rise above those people and follow her own path. as a clean, levelheaded, well-adjusted adult - and she still travels! people like that inspire me a lot. to be true to myself and my goals and to stay positive and stay healthy.

its a common complaint i hear from fellow riders. domestic situations are usually toxic / misleading. only time i ever lived w someone and they werent some order of creepy or nuts was at farms ive stayed at. usually a lot of rad folks i meet at those places, and theyre never weird or obsessive compulsive, would clean up after themselves, share in responsibilities etc.

in reality, the “every day” world is chalk full of dysfunctional, unfullfilling, unsustainable lifestyles — and for the most part, with people thatve never experienced real adversity, real stress.. never been challenged in life to the same extent. so theyre very difficult to get on with slash relate to without faking it. so i get bored and move on to the next new thing.

hard to save money. thats my only real complaint.

anyways, def relatable.

 

[rivervictor]

It sounds like a terrible experience that you had to go through, and I agree with your friend, you dodged a bullet. Please be grateful it was only a month of your life. Think of the valuable lesson you learned! If you had stayed you might have experienced shame, loss of self-esteem, and eventual character assassination. You were very lucky.

We were only a year on the road when we drawn into the web of scams where we lost over a year of our happy, naive existence and thousands of our dollars. We're still recovering mentally and financially, but our confusion and shame led to awareness and caution and understanding. We did a lot of research. We learned about narcissists (so many on the road). We studied others' similar experiences (on and off the road) and learned to recognize the red flags. It's not surprising that the leader in your situation wrote a book (many narcissists do for self aggrandizement. They also run charities, teach classes, engage in high-profile ways to make money, take advantage of others, and see themselves as saviors).

Thank you so much for sharing your story. We were considering doing the farm thing (you might have saved us some heartache). You guys sound like trusting, beautiful, generous souls. Don't let the posures change your spirits

thank you for this kind msg. i feel heard and encouraged. I appreciate your insight that the book cold be part of the bullcrap.

sorry to hear abt the scam you lost a lot of money and time/energy on. yes, I am learning about red flags too. good wishes to you!

 

[rivervictor]

yep. same. can relate to a lot of whats mentioned here.

a lot of travelers wound up out there initially bc they grew up with abuse, trauma, all kinds of dark shit, and had nowhere else to go. some eventually turn to drugs and or the infinite cobweb of narcissists one has to wade through every day for a sense of belonging. i like to mention rose kaoitii a lot on that topic bc not only is she just an all around cool human being but she managed to rise above those people and follow her own path. as a clean, levelheaded, well-adjusted adult - and she still travels! people like that inspire me a lot. to be true to myself and my goals and to stay positive and stay healthy.

its a common complaint i hear from fellow riders. domestic situations are usually toxic / misleading. only time i ever lived w someone and they werent some order of creepy or nuts was at farms ive stayed at. usually a lot of rad folks i meet at those places, and theyre never weird or obsessive compulsive, would clean up after themselves, share in responsibilities etc.

in reality, the “every day” world is chalk full of dysfunctional, unfullfilling, unsustainable lifestyles — and for the most part, with people thatve never experienced real adversity, real stress.. never been challenged in life to the same extent. so theyre very difficult to get on with slash relate to without faking it. so i get bored and move on to the next new thing.

hard to save money. thats my only real complaint.

anyways, def relatable.

hello, thank you for these thoughts. I survived trauma and abuse, and I've heard voices all my life. I'm definitely crazy, but I've managed to avoid drugs and alcohol, and I've done lots of healing work. I'm grateful for the creativity to figure out how to heal, being an artist, and for the people who have loved me without using me. there have been some amazing folks, like my spouse.

yes, you are so right that non-traveler life is full of harmful people too. and they can be very boring and hard to relate to. I experience that too. it makes me think: pick your poison. what flavor of f-ed up people do I prefer?

I don't know rose kaoitii and tried googling her but could not find her. can you point me to more info? thank you!

 

[sevedemanos]

that girl from tucson that literally road the “triple stack” to new zealand and lived with the maori and lived and worked on boats??

not going to link her fb but heres her ig

Rose Kaiotii (@rosekaiotii) • Instagram photos and videos

1,095 Followers, 749 Following, 1,542 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Rose Kaiotii (@rosekaiotii)

instagram.com

 

[rivervictor]

that girl from tucson that literally road the “triple stack” to new zealand and lived with the maori and lived and worked on boats??

View attachment 68889

not going to link her fb but heres her ig

Rose Kaiotii (@rosekaiotii) • Instagram photos and videos

1,095 Followers, 749 Following, 1,542 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Rose Kaiotii (@rosekaiotii)

instagram.com

cool, thank you!

 

[Koala]

Yoooo seeing an arcgis story map here warms my damn heart! Former fellow GIS student and map nerd here ♡

I have a lot to say that maybe I can't properly put into words right now...but...

I have been chasing community for as long as I can remember, before I even knew that's what I was looking for. Memorable communities were the long distance running team in high school, the meditation club at college, food not bombs in South Florida, food not bombs/squatting scene in Australia, and the commune where I currently spend winters in the US.

Something they all had in common was kind people who truly care about each other, and shared goals. There were definitely toxic people and conflict at times but the good outweighed the bad tenfold.

These were all fleeting, besides the more stable living situation I have now. The most heartbreaking thing about non-normie / traveler communities is that they're usually fleeting. The communities I once knew in Australia and Florida are no longer. People move on and search for community in other places. Sometimes they find it. Sometimes, like where I am now in a seasonal Conservation Corps position where we work and live communally, supposedly with like-minded and enviornmentally concious young people like me, I have tried and failed to find community. The shared goals and looking out for each other just isn't there. There's constant drama and no respect for the people or the place we live. It fucking sucks.

I don't know what my point is, but I guess its that sometimes community works and sometimes it doesn't. And they all have to be built on trust, which is a limited resource in America.

But community and trust does exist and it's worth searching for. And I wish all of you find your people and what makes you happy <3

 

[rivervictor]

Yoooo seeing an arcgis story map here warms my damn heart! Former fellow GIS student and map nerd here ♡

I have a lot to say that maybe I can't properly put into words right now...but...

I have been chasing community for as long as I can remember, before I even knew that's what I was looking for. Memorable communities were the long distance running team in high school, the meditation club at college, food not bombs in South Florida, food not bombs/squatting scene in Australia, and the commune where I currently spend winters in the US.

Something they all had in common was kind people who truly care about each other, and shared goals. There were definitely toxic people and conflict at times but the good outweighed the bad tenfold.

These were all fleeting, besides the more stable living situation I have now. The most heartbreaking thing about non-normie / traveler communities is that they're usually fleeting. The communities I once knew in Australia and Florida are no longer. People move on and search for community in other places. Sometimes they find it. Sometimes, like where I am now in a seasonal Conservation Corps position where we work and live communally, supposedly with like-minded and enviornmentally concious young people like me, I have tried and failed to find community. The shared goals and looking out for each other just isn't there. There's constant drama and no respect for the people or the place we live. It fucking sucks.

I don't know what my point is, but I guess its that sometimes community works and sometimes it doesn't. And they all have to be built on trust, which is a limited resource in America.

But community and trust does exist and it's worth searching for. And I wish all of you find your people and what makes you happy <3

yeah i've been thinking a lot about trust lately, in community. it can be fragile.

and about needs, in community. if my needs just don't line up with others' capacities, or vice versa. I can't expect people not to be people.

 

[00kissmarrykick00]

Is it fitting back into society or is it fitting back into the capitalist rhetoric?