Two Years of Traveling From 2015 to 2017 (1 Viewer)

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Juan Derlust

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Wow.

I’m gonna be honest with you, because, well, I can’t be otherwise. I just wasted my time reading a guy talk of making two solid years of horrible choice upon horrible choice, railing within the diatribe, about how fucked up everyone else was. Not him, no, everyone else.

If you could be a disinterested third party, would you give any credence to what you just wrote? Did you actually read it? Bro, you got tossed from a cult, and a bunch of other groups. Cults don’t remove people, people enter cults and are never heard from again. You must be really special.

If you were one of my kids and told me how every person you came in contact with was messed up and not you, I would cuff you on the back of the neck. But that might hurt your feelings. I am not supportive. Hell, you’ll get support here, I’m sure. Incredible.
Sadly, the efficacy of the dope slap has been severely undermined in our culture the last half century - and probably beyond.
 

Faceplant

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Nope, I been in Georgia, not even close! I can say I'm closer to the FL border but that's pretty much it.
Ahh, to me you are close, just one state apart. I drive all over hell , nothing for me to go 3-5 hours each way in one day, if I need to.
 
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Qwent91

Qwent91

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While it would be wonderful for someone to come along and show the way, it can be equally valuable to heed someone indicating what may be holding us back
There's a lot of things that's holding me back... Pure human idiocy being one of them.
 
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Qwent91

Qwent91

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I read your story and I notice you had to hang out with many groups of people that did nothing but piss you off. Being that you're back in Florida, have you planned any new travels ahead of time or are you taking a break to see what's going on?!
Thanks for reading. I'm someone who gets pissed off a lot... That's pure human idiocy for you... I'm not planning anything at the moment because I'm not going to do it alone anymore... I've been alone for far too long in my life at this point and I'm just so sick of it. I truly am. No one knows the complete and utter isolation that I suffer from every damn day... Truly. No one fucking knows I've notice.

At this point I'm just trying to see what's going on I guess because I like I said I refuse to be alone now.
 
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Juan Derlust

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What do you do to draw good people to you? What are you doing to make those positive connections? Your circumstances will eventually change - how are you going to let those changes affect you? I'm not just slinging platitudes at you - these are things I'm constantly asking myself
 
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Qwent91

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What do you do to draw good people to you? What are you doing to make those positive connections? Your circumstances will eventually change - how are you going to let those changes affect you? I'm not just slinging platitudes at you - these are things I'm constantly asking myself
I don't know how to draw good people to me. Not at all... My social skills are piss poor... They suck. I feel like that I'm the best that i can with my limitations but it's not enough... Hence why I'm getting more and more desperate each passing year... Things will eventually change over time... And that's what I'm afraid of because I don't know what is going to happen to me... I'm terrified because I've suffered enough... I don't have anything going for me and I see something bad happening to me because of it... Really fucking bad...
 

roughdraft

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its tough out there dude, its just plain fuckin tough living.

but you arent gonna find a lot of people who care unless you can give em a smile and joke around, try to have a good attitude, you know anxiety and depression feed each other

ive also noticed a fair amount of people arent gonna care about ¨why ¨ youre miserable, simply that youre negatively affecting them

but listen, everyones experience is limited, and theres a lot more out there to discover. just recognize that you attract more with honey than with vinegar
 
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Qwent91

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its tough out there dude, its just plain fuckin tough living.

but you arent gonna find a lot of people who care unless you can give em a smile and joke around, try to have a good attitude, you know anxiety and depression feed each other

ive also noticed a fair amount of people arent gonna care about ¨why ¨ youre miserable, simply that youre negatively affecting them

but listen, everyones experience is limited, and theres a lot more out there to discover. just recognize that you attract more with honey than with vinegar
I know it is. If most people I meet don't care as a whole and are just apathetic in general truly shows me their worth as a person to me and it's not good... Why will I go around faking my emotions and being a stepford smiler? That's very emotionally regressive and again that's terrible. It's one of the major reasons of why human civilization is fuck up...

And I personally care why someone is having a very difficult time and hard life. That's called empathy but for me I have sympathy because I actually do care about helping others. Me "negatively" affecting people with my "attitude" is really quite bullshit... It really is because again it shows their worth as a person and it's quite shitty. I don't care if they don't because they're not worth it to me. It's been really quite difficult for me to find the kind of people that I'm looking for. I do know that. If they even exist anymore in this day and age...
 

Faceplant

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I know it is. If most people I meet don't care as a whole and are just apathetic in general truly shows me their worth as a person to me and it's not good... Why will I go around faking my emotions and being a stepford smiler? That's very emotionally regressive and again that's terrible. It's one of the major reasons of why human civilization is fuck up...

And I personally care why someone is having a very difficult time and hard life. That's called empathy but for me I have sympathy because I actually do care about helping others. Me "negatively" affecting people with my "attitude" is really quite bullshit... It really is because again it shows their worth as a person and it's quite shitty. I don't care if they don't because they're not worth it to me. It's been really quite difficult for me to find the kind of people that I'm looking for. I do know that. If they even exist anymore in this day and age...
And round and round we go . . .
 

Juan Derlust

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Hey @quad8 - are you going to be anywhere near Atlanta late September?
 

Juan Derlust

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@Qwent91: What have you done in the last 18 hours to better your situation? Just curious - I'm not here to say your situation needs improvement, but I get the impression you're seeking something other than what you're getting. And at 27 years old, what you're getting is what you're choosing
 
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roughdraft

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I know it is. If most people I meet don't care as a whole and are just apathetic in general truly shows me their worth as a person to me and it's not good... Why will I go around faking my emotions and being a stepford smiler? That's very emotionally regressive and again that's terrible. It's one of the major reasons of why human civilization is fuck up...

And I personally care why someone is having a very difficult time and hard life. That's called empathy but for me I have sympathy because I actually do care about helping others. Me "negatively" affecting people with my "attitude" is really quite bullshit... It really is because again it shows their worth as a person and it's quite shitty. I don't care if they don't because they're not worth it to me. It's been really quite difficult for me to find the kind of people that I'm looking for. I do know that. If they even exist anymore in this day and age...
thanks for the response

sometimes people are apathetic but it is our job to work together to kinda diminish that within each other or otherwise cope, might sound crazy but its just an idea

also have you considered 'why' people might be so apathetic? have you considered that maybe it is for some of the same reasons you are in such pain? people sometimes react differently to trauma or simply shitty situations, long and short term. You say you care about the "why" in other people, so I encourage you to explore this other way of seeing things

And man the whole negative attitude thing isnt always intentional, its sometimes just visceral. You know the saying "You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink" ? If someone is having a negative attitude and i cant handle it, how its fucking ME over, it isnt 100% of the time on me to nurture them, because ive done that enough and i still do it, i LOVE helping people especially if theyre down and out....but only within reason, you gotta give a little. of course it aint that simple, just something else to think about.

It shows YOUR worth too, to how much you can build yourself up and not just blame everyone else for their shit. No, I dont think faking emotions is cool either....rather doing the real work wirhin yourself to truly feel better!

It should be clear to you that we actually have some stuff in common, do i care about why someone is hurting and the hard stuff theyve been thru? Hell yes dude, thats like my favorite thing to talk about with people, because ive also been through a lot of shit, i know it helps me to talk about it and i love helping people, and providing a type of friendship that is hard to come by, because like you, im aware of how much fuckery is afoot at every turn. The majority of my close friends, ex-girlfriends and family members have serious mental illnesses, addictions and or major trauma, i could write a book about how fucked the world is - The thing im constantly teaching myself is how to work with it and make it work for me, its always been like that, but it has ups and downs. And this is why here I am, telling you, total stranger, to change your attitude.
 
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Qwent91

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@Qwent91: What have you done in the last 18 hours to better your situation? Just curious - I'm not here to say your situation needs improvement, but I get the impression you're seeking something other than what you've got. And at 27 years old, what you've got is what you've selected
My situation does needs improvement. Just so you know but I don't have a support system here or a circle of friends or anything that other people fucking do. I have fucking nothing here... Literally fucking nothing. At 27 my life has been a fucking waste so far. I don't know how to improve my life on my fucking own because if I do I'm going to end up fucking dead. Did you know that? I just spend time online looking for people. That's all I've been fucking doing this past decade. Looking for fucking people. People. People. People... That's all I fucking do because fuck it. I didn't select anything in my fucking life. It was a mistake that I was ever born to begin with. I'm fully capable of leaving here but I'm choosing not to because I'm going to end up dead if I do. People have proven to me time and time again that they don't give a shit for me. Someone told me to commit suicide when I express to him that I was having some bad thoughts about myself. I don't fucking need that shit. That bullshit apathy. I refuse to be part of this bullshit human civilization. I want fucking nothing to with it because it's inherently wrong and immoral. My mental health is compromise at this fucking point. I can't fucking do this alone or else I'm going to end up fucking dead. By myself with no one around and I've been trying to avoid that miserable fate... I don't want that fucking shit. It's happen before to others and they didn't want it... It's a fucking shame.
 
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Qwent91

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thanks for the response

sometimes people are apathetic but it is our job to work together to kinda diminish that within each other or otherwise cope, might sound crazy but its just an idea

also have you considered 'why' people might be so apathetic? have you considered that maybe it is for some of the same reasons you are in such pain? people sometimes react differently to trauma or simply shitty situations, long and short term. You say you care about the "why" in other people, so I encourage you to explore this other way of seeing things

And man the whole negative attitude thing isnt always intentional, its sometimes just visceral. You know the saying "You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink" ? If someone is having a negative attitude and i cant handle it, how its fucking ME over, it isnt 100% of the time on me to nurture them, because ive done that enough and i still do it, i LOVE helping people especially if theyre down and out....but only within reason, you gotta give a little. of course it aint that simple, just something else to think about.

It shows YOUR worth too, to how much you can build yourself up and not just blame everyone else for their shit. No, I dont think faking emotions is cool either....rather doing the real work wirhin yourself to truly feel better!

It should be clear to you that we actually have some stuff in common, do i care about why someone is hurting and the hard stuff theyve been thru? Hell yes dude, thats like my favorite thing to talk about with people, because ive also been through a lot of shit, i know it helps me to talk about it and i love helping people, and providing a type of friendship that is hard to come by, because like you, im aware of how much fuckery is afoot at every turn. The majority of my close friends, ex-girlfriends and family members have serious mental illnesses, addictions and or major trauma, i could write a book about how fucked the world is - The thing im constantly teaching myself is how to work with it and make it work for me, its always been like that, but it has ups and downs. And this is why here I am, telling you, total stranger, to change your attitude.
You're welcome.

People are apathetic in general. At this point I believe it's a lost cause for most people to make them change to improve them because they rather die than truly change themselves and that's fucked up.

People are apathetic because of human civilization. As a whole. Overall... It has cause nothing but harm against every living thing on this planet. Fucking literally... And it's only going to get worse. And humans have proven to me that they have no true intellect of any kind in their thick skulls... Pure human idiocy is a major cause of most problems on this planet. That's where I'm at...

I've heard that phrase before... Trust me. My "father" can go fuck himself. He has cause me a lot of emotional and some physical harm when I was growing up. He's a terrible human being and a awful father. Just terrible... I'm not the only person in the world who is cynical and other shit. There's a lot of factors of why I'm so "negative" today... And a lot of it was NOT in my control... Nope. Or else I'll be better today I guess but it doesn't really matter. What's in the past is done... I think it will take a very strong willed person to truly help someone all the way. It's how I see it.

I think most people just don't give a shit for me as a person... So it's hard for me to show a better personality around them. I can't even argue with anyone for five minutes without me wanting to do some bad things... I think that's pretty bad of me because it shows how much intolerance I have now because my social skills are shit. People have treated me bad through out my life. I was bullied pretty bad here and there as a kid. Not good. And no one fucking help me when those things happen to me. I know my worth as a person... It's just that no one else really cares or believe or value the things that I do in my personal life.... That makes me who I am as a person.

If we have some things in common that's great. People should have similar interests and wants here and there. I don't have anyone in person to talk to about any of this... I don't really have any outlets or closure. It just festers in me... Which isn't good. I just don't know how to make things better on my own because everything I've tried has failed over and over and over again... I have a desperation that will get worse if this continues for me. And I really want there to be a real improvement in my fucking life. Truly I do... Before this causes me big time.
 

SlankyLanky

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I'm debating on locking this thread because you don't seem to be taking any of the advice people are giving and it's turning into something I'm not entirely sure is in any way related to stp. Yer attitude could very well be yer biggest problem, on top of seeming to not want to listen when @Juan Derlust and @roughdraft have gone out of their way and tried to talk to you but it seems to keep coming back to you having some very serious problems that strangers on a travel message board might not be equipped to give the kind of help that's pretty obvious you need. Blaming other people isn't the issue here. It's just not.

This is gonna be my last response to you because I'm not able to spend anymore time or energy reading about how negative yer life is and how you blame other people for it. For like I dunno the third maybe fourth time now, dude talk to a therapist. Smoke some pot or go for a bike ride or make a grilled cheese. Shit just try to do something positive. It might just surprise you.

Good luck. I sincerely hope you feel better.
 

Juan Derlust

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@SlankyLanky - good call. When somebody claims everyone else is apathetic, it's a reliable indicator of their own apathy - we truly know only what's in our own mind & heart. Apathy is contagious and I gotta quarantine myself.
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