Trouble with accepting myself after a long time...

Coywolf

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#1
Ok. This is going to be incredibly difficult...

After a long time of trying to discover myself, I have realized that I believe this community may be the best place to voice the views on my own sexuality, and receive views that may help me in the struggle to make them OK in my mind...

I think I've come to the point in my life where I am OK with my Bi-sexuality.

It has been a long road. I have been incredibly embarrassed, and anxiety ridden about my sexuality for a long time. I recently "came out" to one of my best friends (male), after I confided in his sister, and she went behind my back and told him I had a sexual crush on him.. it was very hard. This was my best friend. For 15 years.

He knew (kinda) before hand. I have tried, both forward, and discreetly to get him to "experiment" with me.


I got shot down hard. Although he has previous interest in experimenting with me, he has now come to terms with his sexuality, and told me he wants nothing to do with experimenting. He is super straight.

I really, really wanted to explore with him. It was hard for me...but I expected it, and I missed my chance.

Anyway....i think I'm Bi. This is the very first time I've EVER told anyone this besides him. It's very hard. And I'm kind of embarrassed. But I know I shouldn't be.

Here's the deal. I love women. I can only date women. That's a hard line....

But....I am like really attracted to sexual acts with men. Only sex. I've tried to "get over this" but I cant. The main thing I've been thinking about is getting into some fun with a couple. That is like, ultimate with me. I want a couple.

But at the same time, I fucking hate men, they are disgusting, and pushy, and dominating.

Ugh, I dont even know where I am going with this cause I am intoxicated (as always)... .

I dont want anything to do with dating men, but I like experimenting. I would love a women who could understand this and like to perhaps have menagietois with another guy and be down with bisexual acts.....but that is very hard to find.

I dont know....I though it was about time to have a conversation with a group that may understand this, and see if I can get some positive responses.

I feel like people will judge me for this, and mostly have negative reprocussions. I know many people on this website, and I hope not.

I dont know what to say? I am definitely straight, but am also Bi? Please give me your ideas....there are alot of bad ass LGBTQ people on here....I'd love your opinions....
 
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#2
I don't know where to begin. You basically expressed my own thoughts. I too, am Bi. I worried for the longest time about what people would think until much contemplation and soul searching, I just decided I'm going to be myself and if others don't like it, fuck em. Life is too short to not be who you are.

Like you I think the majority of guys are disgusting and repulsive, pushy and dominating but there are some really cool ones out there somewhere that are not that way.

I was in 2 5 years relationships with women. The first wanted kids- I did not, so I ended it so she could find someone to fulfill her dreams, plus, I knew then that I was Bi but I hid it within. The second relationship we grew apart as I became more of who I really was. I've dated a few times since, but in all honesty, I just feel tied down, so I remain alone.

I've met a few women who were Ok dating a Bi guy and would do the threesome thing, but they're few and far between.

I wouldn't completely discard the thought of dating a guy, especially someone who is super awesome. You never know until you've tried.

Never, ever be ashamed of who you are.
 
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croc

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#3
I'd go as far as to say more guys than not are into sexual acts with other guys. As someone who is confided in OFTEN by people who don't open up to others I promise u, they're all scared and ashamed too. And every time I try to tell the "cis" or "heterosexual" dudes who tell me this stuff "you're incredibly normal in wanting to have sex with other guys/dress in femine clothing/feel pretty". Not saying you're into the gender variance stuff, just giving more examples of related things that have been vented. if more people would just be open, like this post, this stuff wouldn't be so stigmatized.

I'm proud of u for opening up to us n u know we got your back. Anyone who gives u shit for being into dudes ain't gettin anywhere in the stp community and u know that.

But also I wanna say that if it's just sex for u, please be very gentle and thoughtful to the men you'll encounter who are in it for love/romance. Many of my gay male friends have been used for sex with "straight" guys who would be intimate in private but without communicating their intentions properly be super NO HOMO in public.
The couple idea seems like a good fit. And don't let no fucking homophobic ass fucking women (or anyone obv) give u shit for who u are or make u feel bad about it. I've met even BISEXUAL WOMEN who were like "I could never date a guy who's had sex with another guy". The stigma around bisexual men that is not around bisexual women will never make a lick of sense.

If u got a dollar from every dude who's gonna read this post and relate to it you'd be reelin in cash, I promise!

(also open offer for anyone struggling with this stuff to vent or ask for help in my inbox)
 

Benji91

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#4
Yo,

I'm a lil too drunk to properly reply so sorry if this doesn't make a whole lot of sense or doesn't help.

I totally get the struggle mate.
These days I'm openly bi but the road to get to the point of being this comfortable in myself was rocky.

...and, in general, I fucking hate men too. There's so many disgusting, rude pigs out there who think only with their dicks.

I hope you can find people to experiment with but, as mentioned above, please be conscious of the feelings of other people. Sadly, I've been an unwitting experiment for a couple of guys.

Anyone that judges you can fuck right off. Society may still demonise things like this, but the right people know it's all good.

Feel free to message me if you want or need to chat about things.

Just roll with what feels right, and try to look after yourself along the way. :)
 

roughdraft

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#5
cool post dude and of course you know you are in the right place

there's many things i don't 'know' in this world but with...what I suppose is pattern recognition and along with my own thoughts...I am a witness to - what I consider - everyone being on a spectrum with sexuality. it's unavoidable, circumstancial in the human condition to not be simply fixed x or y. reflected in lots of our stuff beside sexuality i think. I'm experienced with both sexes or whatever you want to say - several genders...transfolk, cis men and cis women.....and I've found that I seem to be a deeply straight male, like by far my preference....but i could imagine I'd be open to further experimenting in the future under certain circumstances *shrug* yet i am very much not enthusiastic about it..so whatever ya wanna call it EDIT: I've somehow arrived, personally, in a spot where all i care about is female companionship, not necessarily a 'girlfriend' but. Sex is of course still the beesknees but i don't just care about getting my dick sucked or whathaveyou So no real reason for me to hook up with whomever.

and basically how i have expressed, starting long ago, my opinion to people in my own blunt and declarative fashion is "everyone is bisexual" which isn't quite right so i refine(d) it to "everyone has the CAPACITY to be bisexual" or pansexual which I didn't know what this was at the time..so with that being said...in my own times I have witnessed the same things other folk are on about in this thread, so since we're all human i think we can just about wrap it up, it's all very fuckin obvious to me but to yr credit coywolf it isnt easy to talk about because so many people are just fuckin dumb

one of my closest male friends was about this experimenting when we were like 16 or 17 and i wasnt about it, we never did anything because i wasnt about it. well we've still been close friends for over ten years now. I've witnessed a lot of weird situations with him turning around and expressing homophobia in social situations (wack) over the years - THE IRONY SPEAKS FOR ITSELF

part of my situation too has been always experimenting with guys who i didn't have a personal friendship with or whatever...right to make it more secret or discrete because again our society is fuckin wack...there have been a few guys i have been close friends with who wanted and i have never been about it with them even tho perhaps more physically fit, etc. there's another lesson there - EDIT: i think it's actually flush with respecting people's feelings as has been mentioned several times in this thread i.e. i didn't want to complicate any friendships should a guy want to be either in a relationship or make it a frequent physical thing

yeah i also definitely learned a lot about men when i emboldened myself to experiment with guys - about just how creepy and pushy we can be and how that can feel disgusting - that was some valuable experience - of course i still patch it with girls I like XD but i swear i learned something >_> EDIT: really tho personal pisstake aside it's akin to a psychedelic experience IMHO

so maybe you relate to my thoughts and experiences as well

good topic
 
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Bey

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#6
So, Bi (more accurately, Pan) guy here, weighing -in. First, welcome to LGBTQIA Land! Second, there is, for some, a distinction between sexual orientation and romantic orientation, e.g., one could, as you wrote, be romantically/sexually attracted to women but only sexually attracted to men. Third, I'd like to endorse the mighty @croc 's point about being kind to those men with whom you have a solely sexual relation. Thank you for your honesty, and my inbox, like many Queer people on StP, is open to you...
 
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#7
I think everybody has been attracted -in some way- to a member of the same sex at some point. A lot of people just bury it or brush it off though.
 

EphemeralStick

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#8
Accepting yourself is one of the hardest things for any LGBTQIA person to do. It's a difficult experience at first but over time it will get easier. It's a process that takes time, just remember that coming out is just a small part (yet crucial) of loving yourself for who you are.

I'm sure there's a lot to process and whole lot of feelings going through your head. Right now though, you should definitely celebrate yourself!

Celebrate being who you are. Celebrate the fact that you found a community that will be there for you through this transitional period of your life. Theres all the time in the world to stress out over what it means to come out and say who you are.

Right now, hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. If you ever wanna talk about gay shit hit me up. I've been out since 2004 so I have a decent amount of experience in most things queer related. You sure as shit don't have to be facing this new reality alone.

Plus I'm always down for talking about smooching dudes. ;)
 
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OP
OP
Coywolf

Coywolf

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#9
But also I wanna say that if it's just sex for u, please be very gentle and thoughtful to the men you'll encounter who are in it for love/romance.
Oh, absolutely. I am always incredibly straight up with people before I get involved with them. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. I've had a few bad experiences where the other person has agreed to the terms I set before hand, then got pissed when I didnt want more.

yeah i also definitely learned a lot about men when i emboldened myself to experiment with guys - about just how creepy and pushy we can be and how that can feel disgusting - that was some valuable experience - of course i still patch it with girls I like XD but i swear i learned something
Ya, this is what makes it very hard for me to actually go through with encounters, especially online.

Thank you for the responses everyone. I feel much better actually having people I feel comfortable talking to about these things ^_^.
 
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#11
honestly, in addition to what everyone else is saying, i feel like you should congratulate yourself! many people never get to that point of self-acceptance and their denial (about sexuality, gender, whatever) goes on to cause deep unhappiness. it is a sign of real maturity that ur able to come to terms with this aspect of your self, especially given how queerness is stigmatized in this culture. and as others have said, as a queer trans man my inbox is open : )
 

roughdraft

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#12
many people never get to that point of self-acceptance and their denial (about sexuality, gender, whatever) goes on to cause deep unhappiness.
Thank you!! I feel like I was trying to say this and struggling. This is the biggest thing, and I even know personally a couple older men who are in a situation with themselves over it.... very sad

@Coywolf or anyone else have you seen American Beauty? Its probably my favorite of all time it is crafted so well
in my opinion - and - SPOILER /_/ this is one of the central themes of the movie -although it doesn't become apparent until the ending.
 
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#15
I don't know enough to say much here but I'm super happy that you've got this community for support and I'm also really happy that you decided to share, I hope you find who/what you're looking for.
 
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Coywolf

Coywolf

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#17
get you one of those trans chicks. That looks hot like a chick, but isnt... Hey it might be a happy medium.
Uhhhh, I'm pretty sure that is incredibly inappropriate for this conversation, and a few of those "trans chicks" have commented, and been incrediblely helpful, on this post.

If you are referring to either more masculine females, or transgender persons, I'm pretty sure they would be rather offended by this post.....

Not calling you out, but dude, this website is not going to put up with that kind of speech....
 

Honey Crust

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#18
get you one of those trans chicks. That looks hot like a chick, but isnt... Hey it might be a happy medium.
“Looks like a chick, but isn’t”
Nah, dude, that’s fuckin gross. Trans women are women, we aren’t guys in disguise, or pretending to be women or whatever the hell you think we are. I’d suggest thinking about your perspective on how you view trans people, and maybe consider how that perspective can be harmful.

Ok. This is going to be incredibly difficult...

After a long time of trying to discover myself, I have realized that I believe this community may be the best place to voice the views on my own sexuality, and receive views that may help me in the struggle to make them OK in my mind...

I think I've come to the point in my life where I am OK with my Bi-sexuality.

It has been a long road. I have been incredibly embarrassed, and anxiety ridden about my sexuality for a long time. I recently "came out" to one of my best friends (male), after I confided in his sister, and she went behind my back and told him I had a sexual crush on him.. it was very hard. This was my best friend. For 15 years.

He knew (kinda) before hand. I have tried, both forward, and discreetly to get him to "experiment" with me.


I got shot down hard. Although he has previous interest in experimenting with me, he has now come to terms with his sexuality, and told me he wants nothing to do with experimenting. He is super straight.

I really, really wanted to explore with him. It was hard for me...but I expected it, and I missed my chance.

Anyway....i think I'm Bi. This is the very first time I've EVER told anyone this besides him. It's very hard. And I'm kind of embarrassed. But I know I shouldn't be.

Here's the deal. I love women. I can only date women. That's a hard line....

But....I am like really attracted to sexual acts with men. Only sex. I've tried to "get over this" but I cant. The main thing I've been thinking about is getting into some fun with a couple. That is like, ultimate with me. I want a couple.

But at the same time, I fucking hate men, they are disgusting, and pushy, and dominating.

Ugh, I dont even know where I am going with this cause I am intoxicated (as always)... .

I dont want anything to do with dating men, but I like experimenting. I would love a women who could understand this and like to perhaps have menagietois with another guy and be down with bisexual acts.....but that is very hard to find.

I dont know....I though it was about time to have a conversation with a group that may understand this, and see if I can get some positive responses.

I feel like people will judge me for this, and mostly have negative reprocussions. I know many people on this website, and I hope not.

I dont know what to say? I am definitely straight, but am also Bi? Please give me your ideas....there are alot of bad ass LGBTQ people on here....I'd love your opinions....
Welcome to the club, Coywolf!! I can tell you that you just made one of the bravest steps towards living and thriving as the person you are meant to be. I’m proud of you, and you should feel proud of yourself!

As a known queer, please feel free to message me about anything if you need. I first came out as bisexual in high school before I ever even considered the whole gender thing, and I also maintained a “girls - relationship, boys - sex” kind of dynamic back then, so I super know how you feel.

One thing that might come up is people, and even yourself, questioning the validity of your sexuality. My advice for that: fuck ‘em (mostly figuratively, but also literally if ya want). It’s okay to take your time and move at your own pace, it’s not a race to have it figured out by any means. Take some time to ease yourself in, get cozy, get comfortable with your sexuality. It’ll only get easier with time, I promise.
 
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#20
george990 ... dude ... no. trans people are not some weird in between state for you to fetishize ...
Personally, I would never entertain that idea... But for him, it sounds like he's halfway there already. From the sounds of it, he may have already been there, done that. I was suggesting what I thought would be helpful. No need to get upset about it.

Im straight, and wouldnt have it any other way... But obviously, the reason we're having this conversation is, he's not.... Or atleast he swings both ways..... So fuck, whats the next logical thing?
 

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