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Featured stupid things you had the cops say to you.. share!

Discussion in 'General Banter' started by Mouse, Jun 28, 2009.

  1. Domnique

    Domnique is getting to know the place

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    Back in the eighties in Geneva, I went out the squat I was living, 2 cops was passing by in a car, they stopped, and one of them said me: "What are doing with a hammer in the street?"

    I answered: "That's not a hammer, it's a hax!"

    And continued: "We just expelled a moron for the third time."

    He said: "Well, we will stop to send him back to your place, but please go home with that axe."
     
  2. creature

    creature Completely Addicted
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    good question.
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    the way to deal with a cop is always frame things in a way that is easy for them to answer *as quickly as possible* in a way that seems to prove their intellectual prowess..

    you see.. cops are actually vetted with the intent to limit their intelligence, so they have basic.. compensation?.. issues..

    make it easy for them & you can manipulate them..

    being honest is a bitch..
    don't expect a cop to see honesty as anything other than a chance to prove his own superiority by finding fault..

    frame shit so that it easily allows the cop to draw a conclusion which agrees to your own perception, while clouding your opponent's with whatever reasonable complications come to mind.. ("but if i had hit *them*, wouldn't the dent pattern go in the opposite direction??")

    now.. i am not saying be evil..
    i am not saying don't exersice self control..

    but what i am saying is that if you are *reasonable* & some shithead does some shitheaded fucking shithead stuff that leads to the involvement of a third party who is really just a taste tester for the predjudices of society, then use the fucking taste tester to your own fucking ends, so long as you were not being outrightly malicious from the get-go with whatever fuck uo it is that you involved yourself in..

    it's one thing to react emotionaly to someone else's clear irresponsibility, selfishness or indifference..

    it's another thing entirely to be a fuck from the get go that manipulates others psychologically, just to get away with shit..

    all the latter does, really, is make you a bad cop..

    but as a piece of advice..
    make shit easy for a cop to figure out & you have, i'd think, a 70% or better chance of them agreeing with you, if everything else is equal..

    remember:
    a good excuse is better than truth when you are dealing with people who do want to take the effort to be responsible..

    just a basic law of thermodynamics..
     
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  3. OP
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    Popsicle

    I deleted myself

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    Cop ( how old are you )

    Nothing else said
     
  4. Odin

    Odin ANTISOLIPSIST
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    You need to dop by chi so I can buy you a beer n pizza... You sir are a fount of words to the wise.
     
  5. loneur

    loneur is getting to know the place

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    I was with a girl and we had 3 cars n the sheriff called on us for expired registration n a legal amount of weed. We asked why 3 cars were neccessary n the grown ass manchild cop was freaking out and projecting on us yelling shit like " have you seen the news? I have a wife n kids my lifes in danger. all these cops are dying on the news, how do i know if you have a gun when he was obviously the only motherfucker carrying. like literally screaming his anxieties at 2 womyn. It shouldnt be our job to deescalate your shit.
     
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  6. CaptainCassius

    CaptainCassius Celebrated Poster

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    Let's see...

    When I was a kid there was a few funny ones that come to mind:

    Probably 15 or 16, get stopped with me n some friends, cop pulled out a bottle of vodka we had pilfered from a jock house party the night before. "Wow look at that, ice cold! Bet that's refreshing on a hot day like this" he says, then proceeds to do his best David Caruso and follows it up with "you know what I like on a hot day like this? An ice... Cold... Glass.. of water!" Officer Darling was his name.

    Ha. Ha. Ha..

    Probably later that year, cop pulls up to us my buddy is on the handle bars of my bike and he goes " what the hell are you kids thinking? Where's your brain buckets?"

    And the one time probably the year after, hey mister-ing some booze at the corner store, 5-0 rolls up, detained, searched. He feels something in my pocket and stupidily asks: "do you know what's in your pocket?" Sensing an opportunity here I said "no! They're not my pants!" -"so this weed in your pocket.. You didn't know about that? Wait who's pants are they?" - "nope, a friends" - "you wear your friends pants?" - "yeah mine were dirty!" Let's me off the hook and puts the weed back in my pocket.

    There's more but then I'd have nothing to gripe about around the campfire!
     
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  7. wISDOM

    wISDOM Professional butt double
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    Thier was a cop in Alabama named *officer friendly*, who enjoyed beating his wife. Got away with it for a while until one day he totally lost his shit and headed down his street in his boxers waving a gun in his hand.
     
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  8. Stinkyyy

    Stinkyyy One of the Regulars

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    Probably not the best but pretty funny - sleeping out on a block on Oxford st in London. Pond story short cops come and try to move us and say all that shit like there's plenty better places so we say 'yeah? Where should we go' and this cop says 'oh look, I don't know, just get up and go up there, to left then left again I don't even care'...... Could barely tell him for laughing that up, left and left again took us back to where we were. Ah.
     
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  9. NapalmBreath

    NapalmBreath is getting to know the place

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    Me (being detained somewhere in NC) - "...you profiled us."

    Pig - "We didn't profile you, we just noticed y'all weren't from around here."

    Me - "Y-yeah, that's profiling."
     
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  10. NapalmBreath

    NapalmBreath is getting to know the place

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    Another time I was spotted getting off an IM in Jacksonville and the bull caught up with us a block or two from the yard.

    After lecturing us on how unsafe and stupid we were being, he informed us - "back in my day we had a little more respect for authority; your generation likes to try and buck the law."

    Ultimately he let us go without so much as a ticket because he didn't think my roaddawg could fend for herself if he took me in on my warrant.
     
  11. NotmybestNotmyworst

    NotmybestNotmyworst Appreciated Participator

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    Every single fucking word out of their stupid mouths!
    Two year college fucks used as bouncers for a fucked up system telling me how i should live my life. Fuck tha police!
    But to answer the question specifically :)
    Brandon, Manitoba.... homebum santuary apparently. Kinda rural area, couple miles from the highway, train runs through it. We are literally walking through the city, just on the outskirts coming back in, when out of nowhere two cruisers pull up and a couple cops come up to us and give us the whole shpeil. Finally im like, "whats this about, wtf do you want" and i swear to god word for word this chick cop hesitates and you can tell almost feels stupid saying it tells us "We're just not used to your kind around here". Fucking hillarious, somehow we stepped into a cheesy 60's western. OF COURSE YOURE NOT USED TO TRAVELLERS, YOURE USED TO STUPID HOMEBUMS! The local soup kitchen was choice though. Hot shmorgasboard. Metal cuttlery. They fucking served the food :/ Couldnt believe it. That was the first of three times we were asked to leave town. Fuck brandon manitoba!
     
    #272 NotmybestNotmyworst, Feb 11, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2018
  12. NotmybestNotmyworst

    NotmybestNotmyworst Appreciated Participator

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    similar story
    I was travelling with a kid that was like 14 and we got all hammered. Dying to get the fuck out of a town we were stuck in and he fucking climbs into a gondola, drunk as fuck, middle of the day right under a bridge in town. Hot summer with no water heading into the praries. He wouldnt listen to me and i didnt know him enough to know i shoulda just decked him out. Anyway i had to follow him. Cops showed up and i flipped them the bird and they came to retreive us. I was going to get arrested but he starts crying and saying hes all alone hes only got me and all this shit. Sincere, but it was perfect, cops let me go and just with a sigh told us to get the fuck outta town and not come back. HAHAHHAA. He saved my ass.
    fuck. How many towns have i been run out of :p
     
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  13. NotmybestNotmyworst

    NotmybestNotmyworst Appreciated Participator

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    I had an ounce of mushrooms crotched and we got busted smoking a joint at a carnival. They threw our joints in this big pound sized ziplock filled with random peoples buds and half joints and shit lol, took my scale and cash then gave us a promise to appear and told us to fuck off. Ive never speed walked so far in my life before that day.
     
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    #274 NotmybestNotmyworst, Feb 11, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2018 at 12:29 AM
  14. Kassiddy

    Kassiddy Previously Domino

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    "It's amnesty hour, come on I know you guys have pot in the car. Turn it over to me and I'll let you guys keep going."

    It was coming out of a rainbow gathering and finally the dude let us go and just said something like, "get the fuck out of here." :p
     
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  15. ScumRag

    ScumRag One of the Regulars
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    Houseless in SF at the time, maybe 2007ish, I'm sitting outside the central library bout 7am drinking some coffee and these two pricks roll up approaching real slow and describe how there's a guy by the asian arts museum who says i terrorized him all night and have a shot gun.
    Now keep in mind ive only got an old beat up jansport brand bookbag.

    As i reach down to pick up my bag, one of the cops literally takes a defensive pose while reaching for his glock & yells,
    "What's wrong with you? Wanna get shot?!"

    I laughed. Really hard- which they don't like at all. So i sorta throw the book bag at them to search.

    What a buncha fukn idiots. Yeah- there's a shot gun in there. Moron.
     
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