Something really terrible happened today

Bedheadred

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And I'm having a hard time coping with it. I'm drinking beer as I type this so I can keep it together. So, I'm in Madison, WI headed west to Seattle with my road dawg and were housed up at a punk house with a bunch of other travelers and we all partied last night blah blah. Cue to 9am this morning when I tell him I want to leave today and we gotta do so some work on my car so we should get going soon and he's like okay cool. So I go into the kitchen make pancakes and coffee for everybody and by the time I'm down, hes fucking HAMMERED drinking whiskey with these other kids. Okay whatever I'm annoyed and I'm trying to get him loaded up in the car and this motherfucker is so drunk he goes back in the house and passes out on the couch. Ugggggh really dude? Then one of the girls he was drinking with tells me he groped her multiple times after her saying no to the point where she got up and walked away and he followed her and she started crying before he finally stopped. For some background info I've known him two years and traveled with him before and slept with him and always seen him be respectful of women and not a fucking creep. And the 4 other people who were there confirm her story. At this point I've had enough of his drunken fucking bs I've been putting up with for weeks so I start getting his stuff out of my car and tell him he's out for molesting someone. He says okay whatever bye. Really dude? That's it? So I leave. Then I find out that he got kicked out of the house for the same reason, punches the guy that lives there, gets maced, the cops show up and he tries to run from them. He falls and splits his head open so he gets taken to the hospital and arrested. Holy fucking shit dude. I had to tell his mom. What the fuck. I had a panic attack for the first time in like 2 years today and now I'm gonna leave him here and go to the west coast alone. I feel like a shitty person but I just don't know what to do. He's always been a loving, compassionate good person in the years I've known him, he's just a really really shitty drunk.
 

SlankyLanky

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dont feel like a shitty person, you did the right thing ditching his ass. that kind of behavior can not be tolerated if we as a community expect to eradicate it. that shits not cool and he got what he deserved by being maced then splitting his head open. drunk or not thats no excuse for that kind of shit. hopefully he learns a lesson from all of this. glad yer ok dude.
 

Ezra Fyre

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Once upon a time, "No, he's a wonderful man, he would never.... Well, he'd been drinking..." - "only gets like that when he's drunk" ... We're the excuses mother's told their children vs. confront abusers....

Really Bad Drunk is Not an excuse!

Sorry that your road-dawg showed a darker aspect of his nature :( sorry it leaves you feeling alone and like a crap friend... But if it happened there, can happen again.... What about the next punk house & the residents minor? Ya know??...

Looking out for yourself is never a bad choice.

Hope he's okay (head injury) & maybe a bit o' time to cool his heels with 3 & a cot - will help him pull his head outta ass & do some apologizing!

Good luck hon, sorry for the crap-tastic morning... Here's to hoping there's no way but better for the day from there!
 
Joined
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Once upon a time, "No, he's a wonderful man, he would never.... Well, he'd been drinking..." - "only gets like that when he's drunk" ... We're the excuses mother's told their children vs. confront abusers....

Really Bad Drunk is Not an excuse!

Sorry that your road-dawg showed a darker aspect of his nature :( sorry it leaves you feeling alone and like a crap friend... But if it happened there, can happen again.... What about the next punk house & the residents minor? Ya know??...

Looking out for yourself is never a bad choice.

Hope he's okay (head injury) & maybe a bit o' time to cool his heels with 3 & a cot - will help him pull his head outta ass & do some apologizing!

Good luck hon, sorry for the crap-tastic morning... Here's to hoping there's no way but better for the day from there!
I think setting boundaries of what you will and will not be around is important.
 
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ClashCityRkr

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I know it's tough but you made the right choice. You don't want that kind of energy in your life, forget the fact that being around someone who gets a certain way drunk could put you in harm. The roads a tough place, but you're tougher, and if that's who your road dog is gonna be, then you don't need one right now.
 
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Joined
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Seriously, drunk or not that type of behavior is unacceptable.


If This person is a decent person unless they are drinking, and they continue drinking, then they are entirety to blame. Whether in the "right state of mind" or not you must always account for your actions, even if you feel you were not "responsible" because you were intoxicated you are always accountable.

As long as you are 100% sure all those stories are true then you should have no sympathy for this guy. (Though make sure those stories are true! Once a group of my friends stomped a guy for similar reasons, there were even like 5 people telling us this stuff really happened. In the end it turns out that this group of kids had some stupid issue with the guy, and would constantly make up stories to get him disrespected, hurt, jumped, whatever. In reality he never did anything, his only crime was being disliked by these people. I felt like such shit after that, and won't take any action in similar situatiojs unless I know for a fact the person is fucked up. )

This is still a good example of why I dont have (m)any male friends, and why I am always cautious about allowing males into my circle of friends. Its also a great example of why I avoid situations where I would have to deal with drunk people. I don't drink, and personally it's difficult for me to tolerate most drunk people. I don't judge though, When I was into punk/crust I used to drink, party and hang out at similar "punk flop houses" (in my neighborhood it was "the Osceola house") so I can understand, it's just personally I feel my quality of life improved 10,000% when I abandoned alcohol and negativity for the psychedelic utopia I've been living in for the last 12 years.

I feel as a male it is my duty to honor, love, respect, and empower my female counterparts, and it's this type of disrespect and abuse towards females which really upsets me.
 
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Thomas Walker

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Jul 16, 2018
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No matter what state of mind you find yourself in, that kind of behavior must be explicitly CONSENSUAL. You did the right thing leaving him behind, and in the end karma seems to be catching up to him. The trick to life is to constantly re-evaluate your situation and determine if it needs to change. Up to that point, there was no need for change, but as soon as things went awry, you decided a change was necessary, and rightfully so.
 
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Bedheadred

Bedheadred

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No matter what state of mind you find yourself in, that kind of behavior must be explicitly CONSENSUAL. You did the right thing leaving him behind, and in the end karma seems to be catching up to him. The trick to life is to constantly re-evaluate your situation and determine if it needs to change. Up to that point, there was no need for change, but as soon as things went awry, you decided a change was necessary, and rightfully so.
Wow that's actually the best life advice I've heard in a while, thanks
 
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otch0z

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Hey there, sorry about your experience. I think we all get why you feel bad about him but sometimes you just can't help people, no matter how hard you try. If they don't want to help themselves then there's really not a lot you can do.
Dealing with people you love that are addicted to whatever thing that makes them have a bad behaviour is always difficult, and sometimes even destructive if you're "too" empathetic. You did well protecting your mental health. I had a similar situation and realized I would have been of no good with my state of mind anyway, so it was worthless to stay.
Hope you're gonna get back on your feet soon, you seem/feel like a pretty cool person and you deserve it: :)
 
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Bedheadred

Bedheadred

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I'm in a much better head state now and have a really chill road dawg. I really love you guys and how supportive you all are. I know I made the right choice, however hard it was at the time.
 
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Anagor

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I feel like a shitty person

No. You are not, he is.

As others said, being drunk is not an excuse.

It may be an excuse for many things. Like falling asleep, being clumsy, talking bullshit and so on.

But not for that.

And, as an old saying is: In vino veritas

In wine there is the truth.
 
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Geraldo

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Ayyyyyye if you're coming to the West Coast you should DM me. I have some beer hookups and shizz in Portland, and if you take your sweet sweet time to get here we could even in theory caravan down to the slabs for Jambo. IF you'd be into it. At the very least, lemme buy you a beer.
 
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Bedheadred

Bedheadred

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On the road
Ayyyyyye if you're coming to the West Coast you should DM me. I have some beer hookups and shizz in Portland, and if you take your sweet sweet time to get here we could even in theory caravan down to the slabs for Jambo. IF you'd be into it. At the very least, lemme buy you a beer.
Im in seattle right now visiting a friend but me and my road dog definitely planned to spend a nignt partying in portland on our way south, in like a week or less actually. I will definitely hit you up!
 
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