Long time no talk, STP. I've missed you all quite dearly. Been a very interesting few weeks without you. Got engaged, had a threesome in a 400$ a night suite on the 21st floor of the marriot, got into scams, got out of scams, got picked up by an old man at pride. Dyed my hair for the first time. Quit my job. Started looking in to growing shrooms. And it has ALL SUCKED ASS.
I met a guy at pride who owns three businesses and he asked me what I was good for? A whole list of things came to mind, and I realized that without two years of previous experience, or some piece of paper it takes four years to get, or the references of the pantheon, none of the things on my list would amount to much. I told him this and we argued the merrits of college degrees. But what of the merrits of climbing mountains? What of the merrits of dodging the pervs and and finding the lost things in this world. What of the merrits of a life lived? I tried explaining this to him too, but I was buzzed and vaugley drunk and I couldn't get my lips to form the proper words. So he baggered me for my number until my fiance arrived with my fuck buddy. I gave him my grandpa's number and we laughed. He wanted a fuck buddy. Maybe a house boy. It's like..... the only options left to me are heavy drinking, and being a house boy. I've never tried alcoholism or being a whore. They appeal to me in an abstract sort of way. Like oil on water.
Did you know the air that rich people breathe smells better than our air? The marriot was like a faerie world and I could tell that I was among the aristocracy. A beautiful other place where nothing was ever wrong. Where enchantresess sang and musicians played and got paid just so people could fail to notice them. For a moment, on the concierge level, floor 21, I was one of them. It was beautiful. I betrayed my beliefs that night and wanted all the money in the world. I wanted never to leave my faerie kingdom, and the next day cameron cried because we were poor. I didn't blame him. We were thrown out of the castle. Our midsummer nights dream was over. Had it really happened?
And so I find myself, LOST. No skills on paper, a criminal history, it's a shame when you want to contribute to the ant hill, and the ants won't even let you. We own you and this is what you were bred for, but fuck off. Exile. Doom. Condemnation.
Now I have no job, no travel dreams, no sense of future or horizion. Though I do have verizon.
I was going to scam some church people, grow enough shrooms to fill a silo, and get back into my tower, but that isn't who I am. Though, if I don't know who I am, does that make me everyone or no one?
Tell me what to do next, STP. Do I try to make some money, do I move out of state, do I keep on going until the next new thing? What is the answer? Someone fucking tell me, because it isn't on craigslist or in the bible. God gave me instructions, for how to live my life, but I couldn't read his handwriting, so I burned them last night.
To make it clearer, I am bored. Can't find a job, and have no idea what my next goal should be.
I met a guy at pride who owns three businesses and he asked me what I was good for? A whole list of things came to mind, and I realized that without two years of previous experience, or some piece of paper it takes four years to get, or the references of the pantheon, none of the things on my list would amount to much. I told him this and we argued the merrits of college degrees. But what of the merrits of climbing mountains? What of the merrits of dodging the pervs and and finding the lost things in this world. What of the merrits of a life lived? I tried explaining this to him too, but I was buzzed and vaugley drunk and I couldn't get my lips to form the proper words. So he baggered me for my number until my fiance arrived with my fuck buddy. I gave him my grandpa's number and we laughed. He wanted a fuck buddy. Maybe a house boy. It's like..... the only options left to me are heavy drinking, and being a house boy. I've never tried alcoholism or being a whore. They appeal to me in an abstract sort of way. Like oil on water.
Did you know the air that rich people breathe smells better than our air? The marriot was like a faerie world and I could tell that I was among the aristocracy. A beautiful other place where nothing was ever wrong. Where enchantresess sang and musicians played and got paid just so people could fail to notice them. For a moment, on the concierge level, floor 21, I was one of them. It was beautiful. I betrayed my beliefs that night and wanted all the money in the world. I wanted never to leave my faerie kingdom, and the next day cameron cried because we were poor. I didn't blame him. We were thrown out of the castle. Our midsummer nights dream was over. Had it really happened?
And so I find myself, LOST. No skills on paper, a criminal history, it's a shame when you want to contribute to the ant hill, and the ants won't even let you. We own you and this is what you were bred for, but fuck off. Exile. Doom. Condemnation.
Now I have no job, no travel dreams, no sense of future or horizion. Though I do have verizon.
I was going to scam some church people, grow enough shrooms to fill a silo, and get back into my tower, but that isn't who I am. Though, if I don't know who I am, does that make me everyone or no one?
Tell me what to do next, STP. Do I try to make some money, do I move out of state, do I keep on going until the next new thing? What is the answer? Someone fucking tell me, because it isn't on craigslist or in the bible. God gave me instructions, for how to live my life, but I couldn't read his handwriting, so I burned them last night.
To make it clearer, I am bored. Can't find a job, and have no idea what my next goal should be.